Chapter Text
Chapter seven: in which they get closer
Nora tried to control the trembling in her hands.
She didn't achieve much because the rest of her body was shaking so badly that the vibrations travelled down to her fingertips.
Her arms were hot, her hands feverishly sweating and inside she was excruciatingly cold.
Even colder than usual due to the contrast of her arms and hands.
One touch, it had taken only one touch. One touch from this...Indian on steroids.
Just one touch and she was burning. Fire in her veins, in her bones.
Fire that devoured the cold.
When she had been a little girl, a violent fever had made her both cold and sweaty at the same time. Her little arms and legs had been trembling and her entire body had shivered.
When her mum wrapped her in blankets and held her in her arms pouring lukewarm tea into her, it had felt like the safest place on the entire world.
She had never experienced a fever like that again. But this felt just like that.
The cold and the heat and the shivering.
A single touch alone couldn't have triggered this. There was no logic to it.
No. Just... no.
Sorting through the emotions wasn't easy.
Nora had never been a particularly angry person. Compassion, sadness and hope were the emotions she was more prone to.
But she was angry. Oh, she was furious.
At Hannah in particular, but mostly at herself. And even more at those obdurate Quileute.
And Paul ...
Nora took a deep breath to smother the new flash of anger that flared up inside her.
When she had seen him lurking behind Sam Uley's massive body, she had wanted to run away.
The obvious indifference on his handsome face had hurt too much.
Nora didn't understand her reaction, much less wanted to feel that way.
She didn't want to think about it at all. She was done with these people.
All she wanted was her sister.
Nora clenched her teeth, shaking her head like a wet dog.
Only it wasn't water she wanted to shake off but anger.
She had to find her sister. That was all that mattered.
She would focus on that.
She wouldn't think about Paul's eyes or the conflicting messages he was sending her.
He invited himself to her kitchen table, offered to fix her porch, only to run away from her like she was the plague.
No phone call, no explanation, no nothing.
Nora would never forget the shock on his face, the sheer horror with which he had looked at her.
She shook off the memory, tried to fight off the images that were trying to creep up on her.
But anger worked its way through the fine cracks in her mental shield.
First the indifference in his eyes and then the sudden turn in his behaviour.
He ran away from her, literally bolting at her sight, shunned her, watched her like he had never seen her before, only to act all worried of a sudden.
Running after her like that, telling her what to do.... The nerve of him!!
She wouldn't think about how hot his skin, his breath, had been.
Nora made an angry little snarl, gripping the steering wheel tighter.
No. She really wouldn't!
She shook her head again, the movement so forceful that the knot on her hair came undone, slipping to one side.
The rearrangement pulled at her roots but Nora ignored it.
She would pick Hannah up, bring her home safely and apologise to her.
And next week she would head to Seattle and see a proper doctor.
She should have done that days ago rather than wasting her time with the inept general practitioner who had tried to prescribe her mere supplements.
It was late Friday now and Nora had no other choice but to wait anyway.
It wasn't bad enough for the emergency room, whatever it was that was wrong with her.
It was about time Nora found out what her problem was.
Things simply couldn't go on like this.
Nora didn't recognise herself.
Her little sister wasn't this reckless. Not usually. Hannah knew exactly what kind of fear Nora had endured on that first flight-like trip to the reservation.
They had talked about it long and plenty.
How desperate had Hannah been to do something like that again?
Nora knew that she was largely to blame for this escapade.
She' d been insufferable lately and Hannah' s actions clearly showed that she hadn' t seen any other way. Even if her actions had been stupid.
Nora groaned softly; a deep, heavy sigh accompanied by a guilt so heavy it made her stomach churn.
They would find a way. They always had.
The thought calmed her a little as well as acknowledging the facts to herself.
She had screwed up big time, but she was going to fix that.
The other problem, however, continued to nag at her.
Paul, with her hand between his. His unexpected tenderness, the flash of his grin.
He had demanded her car keys like she was a drunk.
Nora, having once lost her handbag and found herself utterly helpless in front of her locked car, always carried a spare set of keys in her jacket.
But there was no room in her chest to feel any kind of satisfaction.
Maybe she needed to talk to Dr Wilters about this.
Some kind of transference, perhaps? In any case, this fixation was not normal and obviously unhealthy.
There had to be something deeper behind it and the fact that Nora hadn't noticed any of it earlier pointed even more strongly to a bigger problem.
She pressed her lips together as she continued to clamp her trembling hands on the steering wheel following the first big turn that La Push Road made.
With her rough plan in mind, she could concentrate on the road a bit easier.
When she reached Forks, she needed to turn onto the 101 going north.
Nora suddenly became aware of the dark road lying, lit only by her car's headlights. Like she hadn't been aware of it before, driving by purely mechanically.
An uneasy feeling crept up the back of her neck and she straightened.
She was driving way too fast for her upset condition. And she had to find a turn-off.
Paul had talked about it, about how she wouldn't find it on her own, but the thought of being in the car with him had struck her as unbearable.
She still felt nauseous, when she pictured how -
An animal jumped out of the shady forest and ran across the road, followed by a second one. Nora reacted without thinking. She saw brown fur and long legs and instinct took over, faster than her brain could follow.
Her hands yanked on the steering wheel to dodge the deer. She slammed on the brakes and braced herself against the forward thrust of her momentum. The car screeched along the asphalt, swaying as it left the road. Nora was jolted so violently that her teeth clashed together.
A third deer jumped into the path and slammed into the bumper.
There was a jerk and Nora was rocked hard, pain ripping through her back and neck.
A flash shattered her field of vision, a knife pierced her head.
Then fog settled over her.
Nora blinked. She could heard the ocean.
Carefully she felt around, found the wheel.
The wheel!
She was in her car. The engine was still running, but she wasn't driving. She could see her hands, blurred outlines moving in front of bouncing shadows.
Mechanically, she raised her arm fumbling for the keys. Her hand found the little charm and followed it, then she turned.
She hissed as a pain shot up her arm.
The engine stopped running, but she could still hear the ocean. The ocean... that wasn't right.
There was no ocean here.
She didn't think, she just moved. She reached for the door.
Her neck hurt and she couldn't move her shoulder properly.
She unfastened the seatbelt when she realised it was restraining her.
Then she fell sideways. Her hands hit soft, damp earth and cold seized her. A dull pain exploded in her head and she understood that she had fallen on the ground.
An accident, Nora thought sluggishly. She had been in an accident.
Groaning, she struggled to her feet.
Everything was spinning. Bright spots danced before her eyes.
A dull whining sound joined the roaring in her ears – not the ocean, the roaring was in her ears.
Thoughts were fighting their way through the fog in her head, sticky like honey.
She had to get back on the road. She needed to get help.
Her thoughts were wrong, but she didn't know why.
Where was the road? It couldn't be far away.
Her feet stumbled when the ground suddenly changed.
Nora blinked slowly.
Asphalt.
The road. Swaying, she turned around. It was bleak, almost dark.
The road... she....where did she have to go?
Nora could see her car, a red blur amidst the gloom.
It was perpendicular to the roadway, but hadn't gone off the road. Maybe she should get in and drive on?
No. Nora frowned, wincing when pain split her head. She raised her hand to touch her forehead. But there wasn't any blood.
Why did everything hurt so much?
She couldn't drive. Her thoughts were too slow. Her movements felt like she was walking through jelly.
She had been in an accident.
She needed to get help.
Help...
Nora paused, staring into the forest, where the shadows were growing thicker and darkness was gathering. She couldn't go through the forest. Could she?
She shouldn't go through the forest.
And she shouldn't be standing on the road.
The darkness was moving.
Nora blinked blearily, too slow to really comprehend what she thought she was seeing.
But she kept looking and the darkness, it really was moving.
Shadows that grew larger and came closer, taking shape.
The deer again? Yes, there had been a deer, she had slammed on the brakes, trying to avoid a collision.
The car was there, not far from her. She hadn't gone very far.
She needed help. She was in pain.
And the shadow was growing.
Fear crept through the fog inside her, pushing through the confusion and slowness, dragging panic in its wake.
The shadow took shape. Grew more and became a sphere, an animal.
A... a dog... a wolf... a figure straight out of a nightmare, a horror, a... Nora began to recoil.
Drooling fangs, glowing eyes. The world swayed with every step the monster took. No!
It was closing in on her, baring its teeth.
It was huge, too big to be natural.
She had to be dreaming. This was a nightmare.
In nightmares you could only do one thing: run away from the horror.
Nora whirled and bolted.
She stumbled, her legs too slow to keep up with the pounding in her blood.
She caught herself and kept running. Behind her she heard panting and the drumming of claws on asphalt.
She didn't look over her shoulder. If the monster caught up with her, she refused to watch it devour her.
She hurried over asphalt, then earth, over forest floor covered in needles. Her shoes caught on branches and she fell. Whimpering, she rolled over, her head aching. Sharp, metallic pain in her shoulder.
The beast!!! It was going to bite her. It was going to kill her! She screamed.
She had to get away, away from here.
Her fingers dug into damp earth, sharp needles stabbing under her nails.
A groan wrecked her throat and swords stabbed into her head. Her back was on fire. Had the monster caught her already? Was she dead?
Groaning, she tried to move. Where was the ground?
She was trembling. She couldn't hear anything except the heartbeat thundering in her ears and the panting breath of the monster. She wasn't dead. But she would be soon.
"No," she whimpered, shielding her aching head with her hands. "Nononono."
She couldn't escape, she had no strength and she didn't know where she was.
She was going to die.
"No. No. Please."
"Nora."
"No!" She winced. The beast had grabbed her shoulder. She tried to shake the it off. Her elbow hit something hard and she tried to fight back.
She gulped, choking on her own breath. She began to retch.
"Shit, calm down."
Her arms were grabbed and pressed against her body, heat flooding her instantly.
"I've got you. Don't worry, nothing's going to happen to you."
"Help me." She tried to reach for the voice that was speaking, tried to cling onto it.
"Please, help me", she whimpered again.
She couldn't move her arms. Her body lurched and she felt heat and hardness.
She shivered. A feeling of safety flooded her, warmer, hotter than anything she had ever felt. She was save. She wasn't going to die.
The realisation brought overwhelming fatigue. Her head slumped to the side and her slackening fingers finally found something to grab. She seized it, with all the desperate strength she had left.
"Why are you so damn fucking cold?! Shit, you're not even wearing a jacket."
Someone had come. Someone had protected her.
Not someone.
She knew who. She knew, even if she didn't know why.
"Paul..." Nora heard her own voice, heard how pitiful and raspy it sounded. The heavy fog in her head cleared for a moment.
Something struck her as odd, but she couldn't quite grasp what or why.
Then the fog descended on her again, except this time, it was like a warm, soft blanket that cocooned her.
"You saved me," she whispered, "please, don't go."
Her hands to the smooth, hot surface her fingers were clutching.
Skin, muscle, satiny frizzled hair.
Her eyes were open, but she was only now realising what she was seeing.
A masculine face, beautiful with its angles and strong features, military-short hair, dark, gleaming eyes under drawn-together, strong eyebrows.
"How can you be here?" whispered Nora, and he flinched as she dug her fingernails into his chest.
"You chased away the monster..." Her voice was barely audible, a raspy croak that made her throat ache.
Her eyelids fluttered.
"Okay, Red, you need to go to hospital. I think you have a concussion." The ground swayed beneath her and Nora groaned at the nausea that rolled over her.
"I think the car is fine." Another voice. Nora was too tired to open her eyes.
She heard a rumbling sound beneath her ear.
"Don't look at me like that, man, I'm sure not gonna pull your pants over your ass. Give her to me."
Nora moaned. Her head was pounding.
"Okay, Taylor, please don't barf on me, 'kay?"
The world shook and the warmth and the security went away.
She knew that voice and it wasn't Paul. She wanted Paul.
He had saved her from the monster.
"No...I, Paul..."
She tried to reach for him, despair rising inside her.
"Shit, she's really out of it."
Nora heard rustling and quiet breathing and felt the world sway again.
"Gotcha."
A familiar scent wrapped around her. The relief was instantaneous.
He was strong and hard and warm and the tremors in her body subsided.
"Don't let go. Please. Don't let go..."
His grip tightened and everything within her went heavy.
Paul scrambled to get into the clothes Jared had managed to drag with him.
His body rebelled against the restriction, but he wasn't much help bare-assed and his last pair of shorts had just been ripped to pieces. He'd thought the days of uncontrolled shifting were well and truly over.
Well...
He had suppressed this part of him for too long.
It was Paul's own fault that the wolf had burst out, frantic with worry for Nora.
The vehemence of its reaction was frightening even for him.
Fucking wolf. Fucking self-control. He had scared the shit out of her. He had smelled it, seen it with the wolf's eyes. But it had happened too fast and the realisation that it was him she was frightened of had come too late.
He had screwed up epically.
What a total clusterfuck.
Paul didn't bother tying the laces of the shoes Jared had brought him. Jared himself was barefoot, wearing only the shorts and jumper he had managed to tie to his leg.
There would be plenty of time for gratitude later. Paul would do the same for each and every one in the pack. They had all long since become accustomed to wearing clothes covered in slobber.
Silently Paul straightened up and held out his arms.
He traded a glance with Jared as he accepted Nora's small body into his arms.
Something in him relaxed when he pulled her against him.
"Alright, I' ve got ya."
He hoisted her higher against his chest and stared down into the pale face. He fought real hard not to bury his nose in her hair or press against her neck, some place close where her scent was stronger.
Smelling her, adrenaline and fear still a faint echo in her blood, calmed him more than anything ever had in his life.
He couldn't describe it, no association could do justice to the complexity and yet he would only ever need the one word: home.
"Don't let go. Please. Don't let go. Don't... don't..."
Her weak voice trailed off and Paul instinctively gripped her tighter, an automatic response to her words, her needs.
The accident had shaken her up pretty good and she had fallen while running away from the wolf, running away from him, and hit her head somewhere.
She was in probably in shock. And she was mumbling nonsense.
He shook her gently and her forehead puckered.
"Don't fall asleep, Red, okay? We'll get you to hospital."
Her jaw moved awkwardly when she swallowed with difficulty. Then she turned her head, her forehead tapping against his bare chest. The contact of her cool skin sent a shiver down his neck.
"Car's just up ahead."
Paul pulled his gaze away from Nora's mumbling lips, even he couldn't make out what she was saying, and looked up. Jared nodded his head to the right, further up the road.
The car. Paul had noticed it on the sidelines when he' d run after her like a maniac, beyond panicking when he had detected her tumbling down the road after her accident.
He hadn‘t been able to think at all.
All instinct and stupidity he had pounced on her – in wolf form – forgetting that he was fucking huge and that she was probably scared of dogs, something he had deduced from little remarks and her reactions but didn't know for sure.
He' d made things so much worse. Shit, she was almost catatonic.
He didn't feel any better about the fact that she had recognised him when he picked her up.
The fact that she had calmed down immediately was the reason why he could think again, to some extent at least. If she had continued to panic, the wolf would have gone berserk and Paul was too shaken to control the bastard.
The car was still there and Colin, who had chased after Paul along with Jared, was standing beside it, keys in hand. The one Paul had confiscated from Nora.
"Nothing wrong with it, I've checked. You should take it and get her to hospital."
Colin lifted the keys and Jared grabbed them with a nod.
"Good news. Thanks. Report to Sam and wait for orders to get the little sister."
Colin was gone in a flash, the sound of his shifting loud in the shadows of the nearby woods.
He struggled to hold it together, to maintain a light hold on Nora, not crushing her like he longed to, to make sure she was still here.
She felt cold, and not in the way non-shifters usually did.
That had to mean something, right? She really was in shock or something.
Guilt was like shark teeth to his guts, and even the familiar heat of rage anger didn't help to sort himself out like it usually did.
Jared walked around the car, not really hurried, which Paul supposed was a good sign.
"I really fucked this up, huh?" muttered Paul more to himself than to Jared, but the Beta looked up when he opened the car's side door, throwing him a guarded look.
"I think you‘ re holding it together pretty well, actually."
Paul didn't answer, his gaze fixed on Nora's fluttering eyelids and her pale complexion. Fuck.
"She's falling asleep. That's not good, is it?" He looked up.
Jared shrugged, then nodded to the back seat.
"I'm no doctor, man. We'll get someone to check on her. Get in, I'll drive."
One moment there was nothing.
Then there was her body and herself and she was afraid.
She panicked at the sensation, the suddenness with which her consciousness broke through the blackness. No gentle gliding over, there was a push and then she fell.
She felt a jolt run through her body and she winced at the pain that stabbed at her with sharp, tiny knives.
Nora gasped and her eyes snapped open. She couldn't see much at first and she squinted against the haze that vielded her field of vision, fear a fluttering bird in her chest.
Under her fingers she felt cool, smooth fabric and she reached for it and pulled, holding on. Heat wrapped around her wrist and curled around her arms, her shoulder, settling into her neck.
"Don't be afraid, sssshhh, it's okay, nothing's gonna hurt you, no need to be frightened." A deep soothing sing-song.
"You're in hospital, but you're fine. You just knocked your head a bit, that's why you're confused."
The voice continued to speak, low and soft, calming her frantic nerves, crooning an endless stream of words, making her aware of her surroundings.
Nora recognised Paul, felt the warmth, the heat of his hands, allowed the slow rub of his fingers where pain dully radiated into her shoulder.
"That's it, just relax. You're safe, I promise . It's all right."
He continued to soothe her like she was a wounded animal and helplessly she let him. Too weak and tired and confused to fight the warm melting feeling that spread through her.
"P-Paul?" she managed to croak, blinking in the dim hospital light. She could see his velvety eyes gleaming in the darkness, could make out his large body. His presence filled her with security, when previously his huge form had only frightened her. Especially this close.
"Yeah, it's me." She knew that. Of course, she knew that.
"You're here." Her voice sounded hoarse and felt worse, a sandy, painful smear in the back of her throat.
She stared at him, straining to make out his face in the twilight of the room. It wasn't completely dark, but full of shadows and everything kept swimming right before her eyes, like someone was throwing stones into the lake of her vision, causing the surface to ripple.
How was he here? And why?
She remembered him talking to her earlier, a glimpse of his face in a brightly lit corridor, voices speaking in hushed and rapid tones.
He started to frown, the brackets of his mouth deepening, but he remained silent, clearly holding back words.
"I'm in hospital?" She remembered, but she desperately needed reassurance that what she was seeing was real, that she hadn't imagined the white sheets and sterile interior, the glass window beside the bed, looking out over an empty corridor lit by muted hallway lights.
He nodded and removed his hand from the nape of her neck. She instantly missed their warmth.
"Yes," he confirmed on top of that.
Well, it was good that she was right, but then again, she could hallucinate him too.
"What..." she began slowly, words painful in her parched throat.
He sensed what she was trying to ask, because he provided her with the information she needed.
"You were in an accident." His voice was low, soothing on her frayed nerves, a deep, dark hum that made her drowsy in a very nice way.
He surprised her by starting to stroke the back of her hand.
Her gaze flickered downwards. His touch was light, like a leaf brushing her during a walk underneath a tree. Still it didn‘ t tickle.
He began to speak. Slowly, in short sentences, surprisingly sensitive to her slow-working mind, which was still struggling to think in its normal patterns.
"Your sister 's fine. She's back at your house and your friend is with her. They both wanted to see you, of course, but the doctor said you needed rest."
Nora felt herself relax. Both at the news that Hannah was home and safe, and at the fact that Louise was staying overnight, bless her.
But also because of Paul. His presence was confusing, but all she could focus on was the warmth of his touch, the calm he filled the small room with.
She felt safe and for now, it only mattered that she did.
"Knocked your head a bit. You had a run in with the ground, probably because you were confused and fell. The doc says you're fine, just bruised all around and you're gonna be sore as hell.
They will keep you here only this night for closer monitoring. The nurse just checked on you when you were still sleeping. They gave you something to calm you down and you were so exhausted you went straight under."
He paused, taking a deep breath. Nora found he sounded a bit shaken.
"So nothing bad, just ..." He stopped again, and this time she knew she wasn't imagening the slight tremor that ran through him.
He cleared his throat.
"Just...."
"A bit banged up," she finished for him.
"Yeah," he whispered roughly.
She let her gaze wander over his shadowed face, his clenched jaw, the sorrow in his eyes. He swallowed.
"Paul..." Her whisper was even harsher than his, their eyes met and he held the connection.
"Why are you here?"
He took his time answering.
"I'm sorry." She kept looking at him, her mind too slow to follow.
His fingers on her wrist paused, branding her skin with their heat, the only part of her that felt warm.
"We're all sorry, Nora."
Was this the first time he'd called her by her name?
She frowned, her thinking still sluggish.
"Why..." She was too slow to verbalise a question.
"We meddled. We do that. We think we know better, and we do, we...do know a lot more, but..."
He made a frustrated sounding noise and curled his lips in disdain.
He looked dangerous when he did that, with his muscular body, the power he radiated, the air of barely contained force around him, combined with the fury that shaped his striking features into something terrifying.
But Nora didn't feel frightened. She just stared at him, trying to follow.
"I guess it's hard for us to accept..." He paused again, obviously searching for the right words. He seemed like someone who was thinking very carefully about what to say, almost choking on what he was holding back.
"I pushed you," he finally said with dark resignation in his voice. "I shouldn't have done that."
He squared his shoulders, clenching his jaw even more.
"I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. "I'm fucking sorry. It's my fault you got hurt. I scared you, I .... FUCK!"
Nora watched his brief but violent outburst of emotion, not knowing how to react.
She didn't think as she turned her hand, aligning her fingers with his, making a soft connection.
Her fingertips touched his, slipping between them. His eyes glittered in the low light, making them look like starlight was trapped inside them.
"You came for me. Thank you”, she whispered, giving his hand a tiny squeeze.
She heard him draw a quick breath, then he was saying something in this deep voice of his, but she couldn't really focus. The exhaustion grabbed her with greedy hands and she slipped back into sleep.
The next time she awoke, it was still dark, but Nora knew that morning was not far. A thousand questions tried to lay siege to her mind at once, and almost all of them stopped their conquest the moment Nora turned her head on the soft pillow and saw Paul.
His large body was slumped in sleep, crammed into a chair way too small for him.
At least she had thought he was sleeping, but he opened his eyes the exact moment Nora's eyes found him.
There was no trace of sleepiness on his face when he watched, unblinking.
Some of the questions – the ones concerning him – came rushing back.
Why was he here? How? He shouldn't be allowed to be here. He wasn't part of her family.
He had spoken to the medical staff, the doctor, the nurses, he shouldn't have been allowed that information.
Why – and this seemed to be the most important of all the questions – why was she so fundamentally glad he was here?
"How are you?" His voice slithered over her skin, breaking down barriers she hadn't known existed.
It felt good to hear that voice. It felt right.
Nora just stared at him.
He had come for her, had been there when, when... he had protected her from....
Her brow furrowed when she tried to hold on to a memory, but it slipped away, leaving her confused and deeply unsettled.
She saw him straighten, sensing the change in her mood or picking up on her altered breathing.
"What is it? Are you in pain?"
A perceptive one he was, this Paul.
Nora remembered her first impression of him, that he liked to utilise that people tended to underestimate him, dismissing him as nothing more than a ruffian and a bully.
He was far more observant than he let on.
She shook her head in reply and Paul visibly relaxed.
"Ask me," he said suddenly, confusing Nora a some more.
"What?" she croaked, the first thing she had said since waking up. She began to cough slightly and Paul was there in a second, handing her a cup that held a straw.
"Ssshhh...it's alright. I've got you."
Nora had no strength to fight him when his warm hand slipped behind her back, resting between her shoulder blades. He held her body with only one hand while she drank helplessly, his strength vibrating through her whole body.
For a moment it felt as if he was pouring some of his physical power into her, infusing her with warmth and life, her heart only separated from his hand by her spine and a layer of fine muscles. Almost like he was holding her heartbeat in his fingers.
"Thank you," she said with a little gasp, feeling more than a little ridiculous, both for her weakness and her sentimental thoughts.
"Anytime." He placed the cup on the little table next to the bed.
"I meant you must have an awful lot of questions. Ask them if you want."
Was it that obvious? Well, most people would want to know what had happened to them when they woke up in hospital with only a few memories of how they had got there.
"You know what happened?"
"Well....," he began a bit hesitantly – at least considering that he had been the one encouraging her to ask questions.
"It... I wasn't... it took me a bit to...get on the road."
His strong eyebrows slanted, probably because he remembered her little stunt with the keys. His mild reaction surprised Nora. She had expected him to react...well, more violently. Be angry, or something. He didn't seem to be the type who liked to be messed with.
"I guess some animal crossed the road and startled you. And the car went spinning."
His eyes flickered away from her face for a second, only to snap back almost instantly. His gaze had sharpened in a way that – again – made her realise that there was more to him than met the eye.
The instinct she had felt from the beginning, but had not been able to place, that there was something strange something off about him, intensified.
"The airbag didn't go off and there was no scratch on your car, so you didn't run into it, just -" he stopped and swallowed, the muscles in his strong neck working, enthralling Nora's eyes.
"You lost control over the car. That, or you had some kind of…"
He made a brusque gesture towards her head, his brows still drawn together, his face grim. He looked uncomfortable, something Nora had never seen him appear like before, but then again, she had only ever met him, what, three times?
What could she possible know... "Some kind of ... brain reaction," he finished the sentence after a pause so long that Nora had trouble putting the individual parts together into a coherent whole.
He stared at her, jaw clenched, his features settled into a frown and Nora could only blink in bewilderment.
What?
"Brain reaction?"
Maybe she was imagining it, but Nora thought she saw colour climbing up his neck. It was hard to tell in the semi-darkness, though, and with his tawny caramel complexion.
"You ever had..." he made a rough noise in the back of his throat. "I don't know... some problems with disorientation...or...or-"
Apparently he was trying a sensitive way to address her mental health.
Unexpected warmth spread through her chest at his gruff effort. A little smile curled her lips.
"I think I remember seeing a deer...", she stopped, because when she recalled the shadowy memory of elegantly limbed animals, another image formed in her mind, an image that filled her with dread.
"And..." she shook her head, trying to get rid of the fear that reached for her with clammy fingers.
Paul was watching her intently.
"I must have done that stupid thing where you try to swerve and lose control of the steering."
"You acted on instinct." His reply came without hesitation and sounded serious.
She immediately felt a tiny bit better, a tiny bit less stupid.
Nora gave a weak shrug.
"I was very..." she waited, searching for the right words for how upset she had been, because her emotional turmoil had, after all, been connected to him quite a bit and she certainly didn't want him to know that.
"Agitated." She nibbled on her upper lip. "I shouldn't have set off like that. What you warned me about, I recall."
Nora grimaced. She could admit when she was wrong. That didn't mean she liked doing it.
Paul remained silent. He didn't contradict her – why should he – but neither did he confirm her words. Perhaps he was sensitive enough not to give someone a hard time, when they were down, even if it was deserved.
"So Hannah's all right?"
With this change of topic, she returned her eyes to him.
Nora knew her sister must be reasonably okay because Louise was staying overnight, something that had calmed her immensely when Paul told her.
But she knew Hannah. Her sister would feel horrible, wrecked with guilt.
Paul nodded, rubbing the back of his neck briefly.
"Yeah. We... phoned Sam, after we found you. Emily called the Cullens. It was her idea to get your friend on the line." He gave a quick shrug. "Somehow she always knows what to do in these situations."
His expression brightened, probably because he was thinking about these other situations. Nora did too, but with suspicious tightening in her belly.
"Took some work to get her to agree into going home without coming here. She got guts."
He flashed her a quick grin. "And a loud voice apparently."
His expression turned solemn again. "She's a great kid."
Nora averted her eyes and exhaled in a huff, her chest filling with an unpleasant sensation that kept rising, welling up into her throat.
He picked up on her reaction of course, small as it was, but Nora was no longer surprised.
"What, you still pissed about her running like that?"
"Oh, I'm pretty sure there was no running involved. That's not something she does."
Paul gave no sign that he had caught on to her pathetic attempt at humour.
Nora rubbed her lip, a nervous gesture that was followed by a shake of her head.
"She just...really scared me." Her voice became choked on last word, emotion tightening her throat.
She averted her eyes, not comfortable with him seeing her like this. Even if he had probably seen her do a lot of things in the last few hours that would make her even more uncomfortable if she knew about them.
"She's a teenager." He shrugged. "Teenagers are stupid. And they do even stupider things."
He didn't sound apologetic, but rather sinister.
He seemed to be the type who had first-hand experience with teenager stupidity, she had to give him that.
"Hm." There was nothing she could say without making his attempt to reassure her sound inconsequential.
They had a lot to talk about, she and Hannah, that much was certain.
They needed a solution. Maybe they should think about moving again, but the thought depressed Nora and the benefits of such a big change all lay in distant future.
At first it would only make things worse, of that she was sure.
It would mean more arguments and anger and hatred and Nora didn't know if she would survive that; the relationship with her sister sure would not.
Nora sunk into herself. She really didn't want to think about it right now.
Not when everything felt so warm and otherworldly, in this tiny hospital room at the break of dawn, with this almost stranger who should be frightening and yet was the exact opposite.
"It will sort itself out." His voice was flat and sounded distant. "These things usually do."
Nora watched him for a moment while he seemed to think about every single situation that hadn't worked itself out and was weighing on him.
One second he was deep in thought and the next he was piercing her with his gaze, his entire focus on her.
The change in his eyes, in the room was so sudden that Nora flinched.
Heat washed over her heart, flowing higher, into her cheeks, making her want to look away.
"Stop thinking about it, okay? Just for now."
He sounded pleading and something in his voice made her want to please him. Nora watched herself nod, filled with a fuzzy feeling when he smiled contentedly.
She looked down at the white sheets wrapping her body, baffled by her reaction.
From the corner of her eyes, she saw him make that relaxed, shrugging motion only men real comfortable in their bodies could make. Then he walked over to the too small chair he had been crouching in when she had woken up.
He sat down, making the chair squeak out a desperate noise.
"You should get some sleep before the nurse will be here."
Then he intended to stay then.
The rush of relief hit her so suddenly that Nora had to hold her breath to not lose control of her facial expressions.
She knew he was watching her closely, his eyes roaming over her downturned face, up and down and up again while resting his chin on his folded hands that he propped on his thighs.
"You've been here all night, haven't you?", Nora asked quietly, still not looking at him, her eyes fixed on the hospital-issued sheets.
Her voice sounded flat to her ears, much like his had sounded only a few minutes ago. She hoped she didn't appear ungrateful, because she wasn't. On the contrary, rather the opposite.
It was just...Nora didn't understand. Why would he stay with her? What is his conscience? But that was ridiculous. He couldn't really think it was his fault.
He sat up at her question and Nora glanced at him briefly. He seemed confused, like he didn't understand the question. Like there had been no other option.
And maybe that was the case. Maybe there really hadn't been another option for him. Perhaps he had been forced to stay by his cult-like leader, Sam Uley, feeding this whole "taking care of each other" agenda Paul had mentioned earlier when he spoke of his imagined partial guilt in the accident.
The thought depressed her more than the thought of having to move again.
She let her head sink back against the pillow, because she really shouldn't speculate like this. It made her head feel heavy and tired.
"Well," she began, staring straight ahead. " You should go, then."
She swallowed, because saying this really felt awful. "And get some sleep."
"Do you want me to go?" he asked after a couple seconds. His voice was low and warm, but serious, the emphasis on the word want.
It made the question sound weirdly intimate. Nora was acutely relieved that he had asked it, though.
She didn't answer. She couldn't.
But her silence was everything he needed from her, showing once again more than a basic knowledge of human psychology.
When he spoke again, he sounded much more like the loud-mouthed, provocative hot-head she had first come to know him as.
"I'm not much of a sleeper anyway."
Nora decided to take the offered hand.
"No?"
Paul leaned back in his chair, drawing a dangerous noise from it that he, again, completely ignored. He was probably used to making furniture suffer.
"Nah. Just don't need a lot of it."
Nora raised an eyebrow and he nodded, a grin on his face.
"No, really. I never sleep long periods in a row. I'm really more of a napper."
She couldn't decide if he was being serious or trying to make her feel better about his sleep deprivation.
"I excel at napping."
He made in sound like an Olympic discipline.
She really didn‘t know what to say to that, so she kept silent, just watching him.
"Not everyone does. For example-" he sat up straighter, apparently really warming to the subject, "it takes most people quite a long time to actually start to nap. Not me." He shook his head.
"If I wanted to, I could nap this very second."
Nora pressed her lips together before answering. "Impressive."
Genuine amusement tickled the back of her throat.
He nodded. ""I know. And then there's the problem of logistics."
"Logistics? Oh, I can't wait to hear about that."
"Well," he stretched and relaxed again, wearing a very satisfied smile. "Most people, and I know this for a fact, need to be comfortable to take a nap. They need to lie down, or something."
He sounded like he was letting her in on a very juicy secret.
"Let me guess, and you don't?"
"Nahuh. Not in the least." His grin turned a little shady. "I can do it everywhere and anytime. I am in full control of my naps."
His eyebrow did a brazen swivel that clarified the ambiguity in his words.
"I can even do it standing up."
He said it with such deeply satisfied cockiness that Nora had to laugh. It made a few places in her body hurt, being shaken like that, but she didn‘t stop.
He leaned back, his arms folded in front of his chest, obviously very pleased with himself.
Nora gave her head a slight shake.
"You know you have to prove it, right?"
He smiled smugly. "What, that I can do it standing up?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Go on, take a nap. Or are you just talk?"
"Not when it comes to a napping. However, I feel like I'm being manipulated here."
Nora gave a soft snort. "Oh please, as if some could make you do somehing you didn't want to do."
His reaction to her nonchalantly spoken words gave her pause. The grin trickled off his face, the mood in the room changing abruptly.
What followed was a strange and confusing silence that grew longer and longer. Paul stared at her so oddly that she had to look away after a few moments.
"Yeah," he finally said. "As if..."
That sounded like there was something way more profound going on and the air of general suspicion loop around her again.
Finally, after the silence became so deafening that Nora could stand it no longer, she forced herself to ask the question that had been churning inside her for days.
"Paul..." she started, stopping almost immediately when his gaze snapped to her, making her loose all her courage again. She had to look away to gather enough of it anew.
He made a questioning sound, encouraging her to speak but kept silent, waiting for her to collect her breath.
"Why did you leave like that?"
Her voice was little more than a whisper. She felt embarrassed and flustered, painfully focused on his every reaction.
She had to know. Even if it hurt, but the brooding and guessing of the last few days had bruised her brain and soul. It shouldn't affect her like this, she didn't know this man, he was a complete stranger, but...but then he wasn't.
He...meant something to her, even if Nora didn't know what.
And here, in this moment, she could admit to herself to what she hadn't been able to before: he had hurt her. Deeply.
"I'm sorry," he rasped, and when Nora looked up, emboldened by the emotion in his voice, what she faced made her freeze.
Never in her life had she heard someone say these few words and mean them as seriously as Paul Lahote did at this moment.
His eyes were black with nameless emotion, his face filled with unspoken things, his features set into a mask of deep regret.
There was no doubt that he knew exactly what she was talking about, what her question meant.
She had to look away while he seemed to be struggling with a decision, keeping back so much that the whole room seemed crowded by it.
When he finally spoke, she startled.
"When I...When I was fixing your roof and you came out and I just..." She heard him exhale, somehow sensing his discomfort as if it were her own.
"It's ... there's no good explanation, I mean ... there is, but...." He made that frustrated sound again. "Fuck!"
She still couldn't look at him. He'd really hurt her and she had no clue why. She hadn't been herself since that day, strangely beside herself and constantly angry for no apparent reason. And cold, so cold.
"Do you trust me, Nora? Just a little bit?"
At this she looked up. Her lips parted, stuck in the middle of breathing. His eyes were fixed on her, his gaze insistent, piercing, likehe wanted to suck the answer out of her.
"What?", she whispered. "I...um, that..."
An impatient scowl flitted across his face. He shook his head briefly and leaned forward.
"You don't have to answer me, just ask yourself the question. Please. If the answer is yes, then please.... believe me, there is an explanation and I will give it to you, not too long in the future, if you still want it then, but right now..." he paused, looking a little helpless for a moment, which was ridiculous, because someone like Paul had no reason to feel that way.
"I just want you to know that I can't tell you. I want to... But... ." He raised his strong shoulders, his pectorals moving under his thin Henley.
"I just can't."
Nora watched him for almost a minute. At least it felt that long.
"Can't, or won't?" she finally asked.
"I can't." His answer came instantaneously, no hesitation on his face or his voice.
"Okay," she said after some consideration.
"Okay?" she heard him say, slight amusement in his voice. Well, good for him that he could find something humorous about this situation.
"What do you want me to say?"
He didn't answer and the tension in the room became almost unbearable. Nora felt herself tense.
"You need some more sleep," Paul said at one point, making the moment go away.
The accumulated tension bled out of her.
"What I need is a hot bath", she murmured finally, followed by a big sigh. She meant it. She felt battered and sore, and there was dirt stuck under her fingernails. She probably looked even worse than she felt, and she longed for the soothing only how water could provide.
"You cold?"
She nodded before she could think.
He reacted by standing up and dragging the chair across the Linoleum floor. It emitted a pitiful screeching sound that made him grimace.
“Sorry.” But he didn’t stop his action until the chair was right beside her bed.
Then he took both her hands in his, unfazed by her wince.
He grinned.
"I know." He did this thing with his eyebrow again. "I'm really hot."
Nora rolled her eyes but said nothing. She tried to relax which was surprisingly easy considering she was lying in a hospital bed and a man was holding her hands.
"Close your eyes, Red. Get some sleep." His masculine whisper was soft and soothing and Nora did just that. She closed her eyes.
And was gone like a candle flame in the wind.
~ mit Feuer gemalt