Chapter Text
The stands roared to life around Philip as the race commenced. Bikes sped around the track crazily, tires scuffing up dirt and the spring breeze carrying the scent of burning rubber and anticipation through the air and over to the audience. Philip breathed it in greedily, it was only his third time watching a big race like this, but he was positive he would never get tired of it. He hated the crowds, the bright lights and revving engines gave him sensory overload, the music was downright awful, and the amount of alcohol around him made his head spin at times; but Philip was a sucker for pride, and watching Lukas race so well was the biggest ego boost of them all. Whenever Lukas landed a perfect jump, turned just right, or just straight up made the rest of the riders eat his dust, Philip couldn’t help but cheer and stomp along with the rest of the crowd.
Philip tensed up as Lukas neared a triple, which he always nailed perfectly; so it didn’t make sense as to why Philip consistently got anxious each time one came up in a race. They just look so scary! There's, like, barely any time for Lukas to land before the next one is already coming up on him and-
Before Philip could get any further with his catastrophizing, Lukas had already made the first jump. Philip held his breath as Lukas managed to leapfrog the second jump and land on the downside of the third jump.
It was perfect.
And the crowd seemed to notice too, the expected excitement and “Holy Shit”s erupted from the stands, but Philip was still focused on Lukas. He briefly pumped the air with his fist and quickly came around a sweeping turn, pointing one finger at the stands proudly before placing both hands back on the steering wheel. It was risky, and made Philip’s stomach do somersaults, but Lukas always did that same motion when he landed a great trick. He only started doing it once Philip started coming to the races, Bo explained one night when Lukas wasn’t around to hear his dad expose his son’s personal declarations of love.
And now Philip can’t help but yearn for that moment in each race, the moment when Lukas makes it known–whether to others or just himself–that he’s got someone to do all of this for, someone who makes it all worth it (Bo’s words, not Philip’s).
Other riders passed Lukas occasionally as the race continued, but none of them were able to amount the same number of points because none of them came close to landing jumps or tricks the same way.
And sure, Philip gets cocky. But how could he not when Lukas fucking Waldenbeck is his boyfriend?
Lukas was nearing the booter of the last moto, his personal favorite jump, he told Philip one day. Apparently it gives the riders some serious airtime, and it reminds Lukas of what jumping in Tivoli feels like. And Philip didn’t tell him how proud he was of Lukas for being able to speak about Tivoli fondly after so many months of weird coping mechanisms that made it impossible for them to visit, but it was clear in the way he hugged Lukas afterwards.
Brett was standing on the sidelines, with the rest of the agents, below Philip and practically jumping out of his skin with excitement over how well Lukas had been racing all night. There was no way he wouldn’t win, and Brett knew that.
Brett turned out to be a blessing in disguise when Lukas was healed up enough to return to Brooklyn last fall, never once demanding an explanation or requiring some sort of apology. He was good to Philip too, never making him feel like “his complicated client’s equally-as-complicated boyfriend” but...a friend. And when Lukas was finally ready to return to the sport, Brett helped him with open arms–even going so far as to land him a new (and better) sponsorship. Though Lukas would never say it to his agent’s face, Philip could see how much he respects and cares about Brett.
Lukas’ gear shift was audible even from where Philip was standing, and Philip whooped loudly as Lukas’ electric green and stark black bike soared through the air. Lukas’ neck craned, a slight movement that Philip has learned to look for with this jump because for just a few seconds you can tell how truly free Lukas feels in that moment, literally flying through the air with a bunch of people cheering him on.
Lukas lands perfectly, and Philip erupts, as does the rest of the crowd, with deafening applause.
He doesn’t need to stick around for the scoring to know that Lukas has won, but he does.
Philip is waiting at the track now that the scoring has concluded, watching all of the riders make their way towards their respective loved ones and fans. Lukas is being interviewed by a reporter with a camera crew while Philip watches, along with some other riders and a few stray audience members who stay behind for autographs. Brett was standing off to the sidelines, close enough to Lukas so that he could monitor the interview and step in when necessary.
Lukas keeps throwing smirks and playful glances in Philip’s direction from across the track; running gloved hands through his shaggy brown hair while he speaks to the reporter. It’s moments like these where Philip takes in just how beautiful Lukas is, when he can just stare at him in awe and wonder and love.
Philip looked at Lukas like he was the moon, in that he never looked at him except in amazement. He basked in the soft illumination of Lukas’ company, he complained when Lukas would hide parts of himself behind the shadow of something greater–though nothing could ever be greater than Lukas, in Philip’s eyes. On days when he was fuller, Philip rejoiced and took all of him in, laying out rituals in his honor. On days when Lukas wasn’t as full, just a crescent of his true self, Philip admired from a distance and studied the phases his emotions took. Philip likes to say that he always saw Lukas as he truly was, but he never looked at Lukas until he was eclipsing Philip, and in the beauty of Lukas’ vastness Philip wondered how he’d never seen him before.
Philip was getting antsy now, he could tell that the interview was rapping up based off of the jittery movements Lukas was making and it made him impatient.
Finally, Philip saw the cameras around Lukas lower and both Lukas and Brett shook hands with the crew and reporter, Lukas a little more hurriedly than Brett.
Brett would probably ream him for later.
But Lukas seemed like he couldn’t care less about the interview as he came jogging over to Philip, breaking into an all out sprint as he got closer before crashing into Philip and spinning them around as he lifted Philip up off of his feet with an embrace.
This is new, Philip thought as Lukas placed him back on the ground and nuzzled his face into Philip’s neck. Lukas had become more confident in himself in the last few months ever since he started seeing Dr. Abrego, but he still got a little too preoccupied about onlookers for him to engage in any real PDA with Philip.
Philip wasn’t complaining, however, as he laughed softly into Lukas’ fluffy hair and watched Brett smile at them from where he was standing a few feet away.
Lukas pulled away from Philip with a toothy grin.
“You did so well!” Philip praised, still reeling from the hug.
“I know!” Lukas beamed excitedly.
Philip rolled his eyes fondly and ran his fingers over the gold medal that hung from Lukas’ neck like it belonged there, like it was made for Lukas.
“I still think it's bullshit that they don’t give you a trophy or something,” Philip joked, noticing how the stadium started emptying around them; save for the few bystanders who looked at the two boys with watchful eyes and the riders who celebrated with each other.
“Nah, trophies are for the big races,” Lukas looped his hands around Philip’s waist. “One of which I just qualified for!” He practically squealed.
“Oh, so is that why you’re being so affectionate?” Philip asked, eyebrows raised in feigned suspicion.
“Why? Do you want me to stop?” Lukas teased, slowly dropping his arms from Philip’s waist. “Cus’ I can stop if you want me to, babe.” He added as he stepped back from Philip.
“Ha! Pet names too? Oh no, all of those jumps must have rattled your brain around in that thick skull of yours,” Philip jokingly reached up to knock his knuckles against Lukas’ temple.
Lukas smacked Philip’s hand away and made one quick movement to pull Philip against his body so that the two were now flushed against each other.
Philip felt the rough fabric of Lukas’ racing jacket press through his thin, cotton baseball tee and shivered at the contact.
He felt Lukas’ warm breath exhaling across his skin and was suddenly lightheaded.
“Keep running that pretty mouth of yours and I’m gonna have to shut you up,” Lukas whispered, his voice husky and teasing, his eyes wild as they stared into Philip’s–daring the shorter boy to do something.
People were staring, Philip noticed. He couldn’t give a shit, to be honest, but that didn’t mean that Lukas doesn’t, or won’t when a picture of the two of them like this gets circulated on the internet and sends him into another week-long anxiety attack.
“Lukas-”
Lukas hummed short and pridefully before swooping down to capture Philip’s lips with his own. He moved his arm up Philip’s back so that his hand could cradle the nape of Philip’s neck while the other one flirted with the hem of Philip’s shirt. Philip snaked his arms up Lukas’ torso, resting them on the lean surface beneath when they landed on his chest.
Philip hears Brett let out a laugh before wolf-whistling, and he promises himself that he’ll give him hell for it later but right now Lukas’ lips feel perfect and fiery and bruising against his own; and he can’t get enough of it.
Philip didn’t expect Lukas’ tongue licking it’s way into Philip’s mouth, but also didn’t mind when it happened. In fact, he found himself nearly mewling at the taste of Lukas, the flavor of musk and mint and longing filling up his senses. Philip presses their foreheads together as they kiss, wanting to be closer... deeper.
Lukas smirks into the kiss as Philip holds back the sound Lukas is so accustomed to coaxing out of the shorter boy, before pulling himself away from him altogether.
Philip’s eyes don’t open for a few moments after they separate, too afraid to have all of this disappear once they do.
But then Lukas is playfully poking his sides, speaking through giggles and telling Philip that he looks stoned. And when Philip hesitantly pries one eye open, and then the next, Lukas is still staring down at him; his skin flushed a rare pink and his lips bruised a bright red.
“Whatever possessed you to do that should possess you more often,” Philip says, he breathes.
Lukas’ brows furrow as he begins to speak before a voice calls out his name.
“Yo, Lukas!” It’s another rider, around Lukas’ and Philip’s age with maybe an inch or two on Lukas with deep skin and chiseled features. His arm is draped protectively around another man who’s about as tall as the rider with slightly lighter skin and kind, hazel eyes.
“Hey, Kurtis!” Lukas greets with the same level of enthusiasm.
They do one of those weird bro-handshakes while Philip and Hazel Eyes share looks of amusement.
“Congrats man, you rode so well out there,” The rider–Kurtis, said.
“Dude, you too! Better watch out, you’re gonna be eating my dust at the championship,” Lukas lightly punches Kurtis on the shoulder, before dropping his hand down to intertwine his fingers with Philip’s.
Philip looked down at their hands fondly.
“Yeah, you wish,” Kurtis chuckled deeply as he looked over at Philip. “You must be Philip,” He greeted, extending his hand out for Philip to shake. “I’m Kurtis. Lukas talks about you all the time,” Kurtis smiled warmly as Philip shook his hand.
“Does he now?” Philip chides, looking over just in time to see Lukas’ eyes bulge for a second.
“Yeah, don’t let it get to your head,” Lukas teased as he made eye contact with Philip, a sort of fondness in his eyes.
Kurtis and his...friend(?) laugh and share a look that reads like an inside joke.
“I’m Jessie, Kurtis’ fiance.”
Ohhh, Philip thought to himself as he shook Jessie’s hand.
They continued talking like that for a few minutes, the four of them laughing and talking about racing and sports and things Philip didn’t really understand. Philip notices Brett is gone, along with most of the stadium, at one point. It doesn’t take long for Kurtis and Jessie to say their goodbyes once they notice as well.
Philip is walking with Lukas as he pushes his bike towards the parking lot, Philip always preferred riding to and from races rather than driving.
“Do we still have that dinner with your folks and my dad next Saturday?” Lukas asked as the white lines and straggling vehicles of the parking lot came into view.
Philip likes how Lukas refers to Helen, Gabe, and Anne as Philip’s “folks”. “Yeah, why?”
Lukas shrugged halfheartedly and grinned. “Just checking,” he spoke in a way that suggested he wasn’t telling Philip something.
“It’s a few hours after my photoshoot with Phoebe and your therapy appointment isn’t until Sunday,” Philip explained, wondering if Lukas was worried about the time.
“Yeah,” Lukas stopped pushing his bike and looked down at Philip confusedly. “I know?”
“Oh, okay,” Philip furrowed his brows, and considered pressing Lukas about it more, but decided against it.
Lukas handed Philip his helmet when they reached the parking lot and straddled the bike as Philip pulled the helmet snuggly over his head and flipped the eyeshield down. Philip tried buying his own helmet, just so that Lukas doesn’t have to ride without one when Philip rides with him, but Lukas insisted he wanted to get one custom made for Philip. Part of Philip thinks Lukas just likes seeing him in his helmet.
Philip climbed onto the bike behind Lukas, the routine feeling natural and organic.
“You ready, babe?” Lukas called out to Philip as he started the bike.
“Seriously, what’s up with the ‘babe’?” Philip shouted through his helmet.
“Just something I'm trying out,” Lukas shrugged. “Why, you don’t like it?” Lukas sounded genuine.
Philip wrapped his arms around Lukas’ waist and squeezed in response. “I love it,” he admitted.
Philip felt Lukas shake underneath his arms with a soft laugh before the bike lurched forward and took off out of the parking lot.
Sometimes, Philip couldn’t understand why Lukas liked riding so much; all of the jumps, bouncy tracks, and sharp turns just didn’t seem that appealing to him. But when Philip was like this? When he was wrapped firmly around Lukas with the wind racing against them and the horizon pulling them forward into a daring embrace? Philip bites his own tongue in those moments, because he never feels more alive.
It’s underneath the muted stars and green highway signs that Philip realizes that it’s not the riding that makes him feel alive.
It’s Lukas.