Chapter Text
"No,” Magnus whispered. He was not about to give Alexander up without a fight. He clenched his hands into fists and stood up. The ground under him was formless and dark. "No, I’m not about to give up,“ he growled. "I’m not about to give up on you, and I am not going to let you give up on us, Alexander.”
Still nothing.
“I want a forever with you,” Magnus snarled through his tears. "I’ve already given you the fucking potion, not because I felt guilty, but because I love you more than I fear someday losing you.“
The weight of the darkness was starting to press in on him now and Magnus closed his eyes.
"I am not,” Magnus shouted. "Going to let you go, Alexander.“
Gathering all of the magic he could into his palms, Magnus slammed them down to the floor, sending a jolt of magic through Alexander.
The briefest flicker of light sparked around him.
If he hadn’t been looking for it, he might have missed it. Magnus smirked and sent another pulse of magic through Alexander. "Alec!”
Another flicker, and now, this time, Magnus could see a few feet around him.
He growled and gathered up his remaining power in his hands, breathing in slow and deep. "I am not leaving here without you, Alexander, and unless you want me trapped in this Djinn dream with you and we both die, you’d better hold on, because I’m about to get us the hell out of here.“
Though he couldn’t see anything, the second Magnus felt a familiar hand rest on top of his, Magnus pushed all of the power he could out of his hands and into the blackness around him. Abruptly, it shattered, falling away to a landscape made of white, with Alexander standing in the middle of it all.
"Alec!” Magnus shouted in relief, grinning when Alec looked at him. A shining golden rope dropped between both of them and the familiar pulse of magic from Catarina nearly made Magnus collapse in relief. "Alec grab it!“ he shouted, racing for it.
His heart stopped for a few precious seconds when Alec only looked at him and didn’t appear to be running for the rope. "Alec, you have to come back with me, you have to grab the rope, I am not going to leave you here!” Magnus shouted, glad when that, at least, seemed to galvanize Alec into moving.
Magnus grabbed onto the rope and used his momentum to swing towards Alexander, wrapping an arm around his waist, holding him tight as they both clung to the rope. He felt a pull, deep in the core of his magic, and then they were being drawn up.
~!~
Magnus jack-knifed upright, his chest heaving with a deep breath of air, sending him abruptly into a coughing fit. He pushed Oberon aside when he felt the other warlock reach for him. "I'm fine, I'm fine, Alec, help Alec," he croaked, coughing again, even as he turned to look at Alexander beside him.
Alec was awake and sitting up, pale, his eyes sunken, and looking right at him. Magnus wanted to cry with relief. It’d worked. "Alexander.”
Alec swallowed, staring at Magnus, before he dropped his eyes down to the blankets. "You came for me," he said, his voice soft. "That, that was you. At the end. Not the Djinn.”
Magnus nodded, even as he watched Oberon and Catarina sweep healing magic over Alec, making sure that he was all right. He remembered what he had done to Alec before diving into the dreamscape with him, the only way he’d been able to ensure he would reach into Alec’s mind and stared at him. "You were wrong, you know.“
Alec frowned. "About what?” he managed, taking a glass of water from Catarina gratefully to sip it.
“That I don’t want forever,” Magnus breathed. He looked to Catarina and Oberon, and caught the looks they were giving each other. He and Alec needed to talk. Now. "As much as I appreciate the two of you pulling us back out, and I promise that you can yell at me about it, in detail, tomorrow," he held up his hands. "I desperately need to spend a few hours appreciating the fact that my husband is alive again.”
Magnus watched the two of them exchange looks before heading out and he turned back to Alec, who was frowning at him. Magnus pushed himself upright with a small noise of frustration. His body was still feeling the weight of the magical exhaustion and he turned back to Alec. "I’m going to run us a bath, okay?"
Alec leaned back against the pile of pillows and gave a small nod. "Okay.”
Magnus busied himself with the bath before he slowly padded back to the bedroom. With a grunt, he swept Alec up and into his arms, carrying him into the bathroom, cradling him against his chest as they settled into the bath.
“It’s okay,” Alec whispered, leaning his head against Magnus’ shoulder, his voice tired and resigned. "If you don’t want forever. I know that wasn’t what you signed up for and-"
Magnus pressed a finger to Alec’s lips and took a deep breath, kissing his forehead. "Do you know what Ya'aburnee means?”
Alec blinked and shifted so he could look up at Magnus before settling into his chest properly. "I do," he admitted. "I, I have a list of words. In other languages, for, well. To try to, I don’t even know. But I know what it means. You bury me.”
Magnus breathed out slowly, his heart hammering. He'd had weeks to prepare for this conversation, he wasn't going to fuck it up now. "Not just that," he whispered. "It’s the wish that you die before the person you are with, because the idea of life without them, death is better than that.” He felt Alec tense in his arms. "Alexander? Is that how you feel about me?"
Alec swallowed and gave another small nod, his voice low in the room. "Yes.”
Magnus blinked hard against the tears that were threatening. He pressed his face to Alec’s neck and stopped trying to hold them back, a small sob escaping him as they did. He felt Alec tense in surprise, but now that he had allowed the tears to come, there was no stopping them.
“Magnus?” Alec whispered, reaching up to push some of Magnus’ hair out of his face, wrapping a tentative arm around his waist to hold him in place. "Why’d you ask me that?"
"Because,” Magnus breathed. "I have spent the last six weeks of my life realizing that there will be no life after you, for me, Alexander. It’ll be at best a half-life, never fully lived again. And I…"
Magnus tightened his arms around Alec and pressed himself closer. "You are not the first person I have been with who offered to become immortal for me,” he admitted, his voice gentle. "You’re not even the first to try, or to go ahead and do it.“ He felt Alec tense in his arms. "But, Alexander. You are the first who… I would help to do it, because the idea of losing you earlier than I want to is so much worse than the idea that you might hate or resent me someday.”
Alec blinked in surprise. "Is that… is that why you were angry?"
"Fuck, you have no idea how many times I have recited these speeches in my head, telling myself that if I ever got the chance to speak to you again, I would explain, I would try so hard to explain so you understand, because. Because, fuck, I didn't explain, I was scared and you deserved to know,” Magnus said, staring Alec down before cupping Alec’s cheek in his palm. "I want you to understand, because it was never, ever about not wanting to spend forever with you, Alexander."
Alec swallowed and nodded, nuzzling into Magnus’ neck with a quiet noise. "Do you?” he asked, unable to keep the question in. "Want, want to try?"
"Well,” Magnus said, his head falling back. He smiled, laughing a little. "I believe in the adage of actions speaking louder than words."
Alec frowned. "What do you mean?”
Magnus blew out a hard breath and pressed his finger to Alec’s chest, sending a small pulse of magic into Alec. The tiny, growing seed of magic in Alec’s heart pulsed back at him and Magnus felt Alec stiffen in his arms. "I mean, that I not only want to spend forever with you, Alexander…" he hesitated before continuing. "I am going to spend forever with you.”
Alec yanked himself back, staring at Magnus with wide eyes, pressing a hand to his chest. "You, the potion-"
"Your notes were flawless,” Magnus said, watching as Alec settled into the tub again, staring at him in shock. "I had every ingredient on hand, and with the addition of the Phoenix Feather, and my blood, it did exactly as it was supposed to and tied our life forces together. A piece of my magic now lives in you, permanently, and it will grow to become the seed for your own magic." He paused and looked at Alec. "It was that piece of magic that I followed into your mind to rescue you from the Djinn.”
Alec pressed his hands to his face, a small sob escaping him. "You, we’re-"
Magnus smiled and reached out to rub his hands up and down Alec’s arms, watching as Alec trembled in the tub. "I think we’ve both learned by now that it takes us a time or two to explain our feelings properly, especially when we’re both passionate about things.”
“Right,” Alec said, his voice hoarse, dropping his hands to the water to stare at Magnus.
“And in this case,” Magnus blew out a hard breath. "I am absolutely terrified of the day that you will regret this decision because you’ve watched your family die. And their children. And maybe even their grandchildren."
"I don’t…” Alec paused and looked down at the bathwater. "I knew that when I started researching, Magnus. I’d, I’d made that decision ages ago. There’s nothing that says I wouldn’t outlive my siblings anyway, especially as Head of the Institute."
"I realize that now,” Magnus agreed, smiling faintly. "I had a far more emotional response than I should have to what you did, and for that, I am very, very sorry." He reached out and rubbed a thumb along Alec’s cheek. "I love you, Alexander.” He watched Alec shudder under the gentle touch and the words. "I love you so much, and I am so sorry that I made you feel like you loved me more than I loved you."
"Oh,” Alec whispered. "So you remember all of that?"
"I do,” Magnus nodded. "You told me once that you were going to stay with me in Edom, when you came to get me, remember?"
"Of course I do,” Alec said, smiling hopelessly at Magnus. "I would have done that a thousand times over."
Magnus took a deep breath. "And there is nothing, Alexander, nothing in this world, not my magic, not my life that I would not put you before. Your death is the most terrifying thing in the entire world to me, and will never not be so.”
Alec reached out and wrapped his arms around Magnus, holding onto him tightly. "You looked so terrified," he whispered. "When, when I brought it up.”
“Because,” Magnus said, tightening his arms around Alec, holding him tight. "All I could see, all I could imagine, all I could think about, was everyone in my past who has done this, and how they have all come to resent, or even hate me. And I am…" he breathed out slowly. "I am so scared of you hating me, Alexander.”
“I’m not going to hate you,” Alec repeated, his voice quiet and certain. "I don’t know how to hate you, Magnus."
Magnus offered Alec a rueful smile and kissed his forehead. "I’m learning that, Alexander. I’m learning that. Just like you’re going to have to know that I’ll never get bored of you, or tired of you, or want someone different, or better, or, or any of the thousand other dumb things that you were thinking down there.”
Alec huffed out a laugh, leaning into Magnus’ arms again. "Magnus, it’s all right, I’m not-"
"No,” Magnus growled. "You’re going to have your fair share of recuperation time, and I am fairly certain that I will have about sixty missed calls from your parabatai the second we are out of this bath and he’s going to descend on us shortly." He took a deep breath and cupped Alec’s face. "But we are going to talk about that, Alec. We’re going to talk about all of it.”
Alec’s breath caught and he stared at Magnus’ golden eyes. "We are?"
Magnus gave a firm nod. "My side and yours. Especially while you get back into fighting shape.”
“Magnus?” Alec whispered. "I love you."
Magnus let out a small noise, wrapping Alexander up in his arms, pulling him in as tight as he dared. "I love you too, Alexander. And I will always, always come to rescue you, no matter how far I have to go to do it.”
Aled managed a weak chuckle, kissing at Magnus’ jaw. "I think the furthest I want you to rescue me from for the next few weeks is the kitchen."
Magnus sagged in relief and smiled against Alec’s skin, right as his wards pinged, telling him there was a shadowhunter outside them. "I think I can do that. And speaking of your parabatai, he’s here. Do you feel up to seeing him?”
Alec nodded. "For a few minutes. Can you stay with me? I might have trouble standing on my own."
"Of course,” Magnus whispered, kissing Alec softly before getting them both out of the tub and into sweatpants and shirts before he got Alec comfy on the couch and waved Jace through his wards, and then the door.
“Magnus, it’s Alec! He’s-”
“Right here, parabatai,” Alec called, drawing Jace’s attention to the couch. "Though slightly worse for wear."
Magnus watched as Jace froze, staring at Alec in shock before he was barreling forward, wrapping Alec up in a hug so tight he was afraid they were both going to break bones. When he caught them whispering together, it only took a few moments to realize it was the parabatai oath, and he turned away to get popcorn for all of them to give them a moment together before coming back into the living room.
"Don’t scare me like that again,” Jace growled, punching Alec in the arm. "Otherwise I’m going to have to kick your ass in training extra hard once you’re back up to fighting shape."
"I’ll be back on active duty soon,” Alec promised. "I’m sure that Izzy will be glad to turn the paperwork back over to me."
Jace rolled his eyes and smiled. "You have no idea. But we’re just glad you’re okay. You gave us a hell of a scare there, Alec.”
Alec smiled softly and reached out to hug Jace again. "I know. And I’ll visit with you properly in a few days. Right now I feel like I could pass out for a whole day."
"Well, as long as it’s sleep and not being trapped in a Djinn dream, I’ll consider it acceptable,” Jace teased, smiling at Alec.
Alec grinned back at him. "Yeah, that I don’t mind promising." He settled back against the pillow pile Magnus had made for him. "But I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jace agreed, ruffling Alec’s hair again. "I’ll let Izzy and Clary know you’re all right. We’ll visit tomorrow-" he held up his hand at Magnus, who he could already see ready to protest. "-if you're feeling up to it."
Magnus nodded and smiled. "Sounds good.” He walked Jace to the door and turned back to Alexander whose eyes were already starting to shut as he blinked slowly. "Tired?"
"You’d think I wouldn’t be this exhausted after everything,” Alec mumbled, closing his eyes, cuddling up to Magnus as soon as his husband joined him on the couch. "But I am."
"Your body went through a lot of trauma,” Magnus soothed, rubbing his hand up and down Alec’s back. "It’ll be all right and soon you’ll be back to working eighteen-hour days and worrying me for a whole different reason."
Alec laughed, throwing his head back. "That’s fair,” he allowed. He took a deep breath and stretched. He hummed and closed his eyes, relaxing back into Magnus’ arms with a happy smile before he jolted, his eyes flying open. "Fuck," he breathed, slamming his eyes shut.
"Alec?” Magnus asked, tense around him. "Are you all right?"
Alec took a small breath. "What… what if I’m back there? What if this is all a dream and when I wake up I’m back there?”
Magnus hummed and helped Alec turn around to face him, and he could see the fear lingering in Alec’s eyes. "Well, I have an easy solution for that," he offered. "But if you were back down there, even though you most decidedly are not, I’d be coming for you."
Alec swallowed and leaned up to kiss Magnus softly at the reassurance. "What was the solution that you mentioned?"
"Trust me?” Magnus whispered, kissing Alec, sending a small pulse of magic through the bond that they shared.
Alec smiled and rubbed their noses together. "Always."
Magnus put another pulse of magic through the bond, enough to relax the both of them, soothing any stress that had been lingering, letting both of them fall to sleep.
~!~
When Magnus opened his eyes, he was standing outside what he had to guess was the Lightwood Manor in Alicante, where Alec was looking around in wide-eyed shock.
Magnus stepped up beside him with a grin. "So, Alexander.” When Alec turned to look at him, he winked. "How about we spend your dream taking a tour of Alicante?"
Alec started to laugh, looking around. "You can do this?”
“Well,” Magnus said, looking down at his fingernails with a smirk. "It is only a memory, but I’m pulling the place from your mind. So lead the way, and we’ll see what you remember."
Alec reached out to grab Magnus’ hand. "Then we need pastries from the shop around the corner!”
Magnus laughed as Alec started to pull him in that direction, the grin on his face bright and wide. He could get used to this kind of dream.