Chapter Text
“Stop looking at me like that,” Taeyong whines, turning away from Johnny as he fixes his tie, ears pink under the attention. Taeyong thinks that after last night there should be nothing that could possibly make him shy — but the weight of Johnny’s stare as he drags those coffee bean eyes down Taeyong’s fully clothed body, the promise behind his gaze, is killing him. Taeyong wants to say fuck the wedding and drag Johnny back to bed, and that’s a dangerous mind-set to be in as the best man.
“I can’t help it,” Johnny groans, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s waist, chin hooking over his shoulder. “You look gorgeous, baby.”
“Says you,” Taeyong sighs. Taeyong has known that Johnny looks good in a suit since the second they met, but there’s something about Johnny in a tux that’s driving Taeyong halfway towards full fledged insanity. Maybe it’s something to do with the way the fabric is cut just right, illuminating Johnny’s trim waist and wide shoulders, thick thighs shown off in pants tailored down to the centimeter. Or maybe it’s something to do with the fact that seeing Johnny like this — giving him heart eyes in the middle of a wedding venue — is giving Taeyong ideas.
Johnny’s hand cups Taeyong’s chin, tilting his head up to just the right angle to bend down and kiss him. Taeyong’s arm reaches up, fingers sliding into the back of Johnny’s hair, careful not to mess up the gel he’d put in there earlier that morning. Johnny tastes like coffee and home, and Taeyong melts into his chest, sighing out of his nose as he lets his shoulders press flush against Johnny’s chest.
“Can you two stop being in love already? I’m having, like, a crisis right now, for real.”
Taeyong startles, pulling back from the kiss and turning to find Mark pouting up at them, his tie wrinkled, the knot sideways and lopsided.
“Oh dear,” Taeyong laughs, pulling Johnny’s arms off of his body and crossing the room to his brother, taking in the damage he’s done to the designer black tie that Johnny gifted him and Donghyuck for the wedding, a few feet of fabric that probably more expensive than Taeyong’s monthly rent. “This really is a crisis.”
“Need any help?” Johnny asks.
“Nah, babe, go check on Hyuck. You know how he is with time management,” Taeyong says, pushing Johnny towards the door. He might not be the greatest at a lot of things, but he can tie a damn tie. Beautifully. He supposes it’s a perk of being a waiter for so many years at a restaurant where ties were part of the uniform, if you could get away with calling the atrocities he was forced to wear a perk.
Johnny laughs, turning to walk to the other part of the house where Donghyuck is likely the mirror image to Mark’s nerves — though Taeyong doubts that Donghyuck’s tie is in quite as poor shape as whatever it is that Mark has done to his.
Mark speaks up once the door’s shut and Johnny’s footsteps have faded down the hallway: “Dude it’s actually so weird to hear you call Johnny ‘babe,’” Mark says, wrinkling his nose. “The fact that y’all are dating is like, wah. Crazy, you know?”
“Crazy-bad, or crazy-good?” Taeyong asks, pulling at the knot of Mark’s tie until it loosens, starting from the top. He focuses on the silky material, scared to look in Mark’s eyes and find an answer he isn’t prepared for.
“Are you kidding?” Mark laughs. Taeyong dares a glance at his eyes, sees his eyebrows pitched up towards his hairline, two twin seagulls mid-flight. “This is like, the greatest thing ever. I have been telling you that Johnny’s awesome for forever, dude.”
“You already said I told you so,” Taeyong says, smoothing his hands over Mark’s suit once his tie is perfect, turning Mark by the shoulders to look in the mirror on the wall next to them.
Mark meets Taeyong’s eyes over his shoulder, the grin on his face undeniable. “So much better, thanks,” he laughs, his hand coming up to fidget with the knot before Taeyong bats it away from his handiwork. “Hey! Also, you know…it’s my big day, T, so I get to say whatever I want.”
“So what.”
“So. I told you so, dumbass. I’m really glad you and Johnny figured it out, though. For real.”
“Me too,” Taeyong says, unable to stop the smile that splits across his face. He feels ridiculous and lucky and like the stupidest guy in the whole world. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but … I’m really glad you forgot to book me a plane ticket.”
Mark looks up at that, his eyes widening slightly.
“What?” Taeyong asks, eyes narrowing. He knows that look. “Cough it up, Markie.”
“Uhh, nah, I’ll explain later. I have to, like, get to the end of the aisle soon, I think,” Mark says, dismissing it. He’s totally dodging the question, but Taeyong will let him have it just this once. It is his wedding day.
“Fine. How’re you feeling?” Taeyong asks Mark, smoothing his hands over his shoulders again, ironing out any tiny wrinkles from his tux.
“Like I’m gonna hurl,” Mark admits, shoulders shaking under Taeyong’s hands as he laughs, the sound nervous and excited and perfectly Mark Lee.
“Please, Markie. You’ve got this,” Taeyong assures him. Taeyong notices a speck of dust on Mark’s back and plucks it off. Best man duties, and whatnot. Or the cleaning compulsion he has. Either way. “Donghyuck is probably just as nervous.”
Mark gives Taeyong a pointed look. “Donghyuck doesn’t get nervous.”
“Oh, that’s just what he wants you to think,” Taeyong smiles knowingly.
Sure enough, some 40 feet away and behind closed doors, Johnny is busy walking Donghyuck through a half assed tutorial for a breathing exercise that he learned in a freshman year acting elective and doesn’t really remember. Donghyuck laughs hard enough at Johnny’s attempt at a pep talk that the nerves fade to excitement, and by the time he’s walking down the aisle towards Mark — already crying — neither of them can remember why they were nervous in the first place.
☽☽☽☽☽☽ ☾☾☾☾☾☾
Taeyong is crying before Donghyuck’s even ten words into his vows.
By the time Donghyuck is promising Mark forever and more, Taeyong is fully sobbing. Johnny, on Donghyuck’s side, isn’t faring much better, which makes Taeyong feel better for ruining their wedding photos with his ugly crying.
“Til death do us part, and to wherever we go afterwards, I’ll be by your side, and happier because of it,” Donghyuck finishes, getting a few cheers and a few wet faced grins as he passes the baton to Mark.
Taeyong feels a finger poking into his hip and looks down to find a tissue in Jeno’s hand. He laughs, a snotty, ugly thing, and mouths a thank you that he gets a pretty eye smile in return for, bringing it up to attempt to dry his face.
The tears, of course, return in full force during Mark’s vows.
“Uh, wow. Here we go,” Mark laughs, shaking his head and wiping away a tear before bringing his attention back to the note in his hand, taking a deep breath and reading. “When Donghyuck suggested that we write our own vows I was crazy nervous. The last time I wrote something I had to read for a crowd was for a stand up poetry event our freshman year of college, and I’m pretty sure I got booed off the stage, so I’m sure you can imagine how nervous I’m feeling right now.”
The crowd laughs, and Taeyong smiles through his tears. Only Mark would take his wedding vows as a chance to throw in some stand-up comedy.
“But, seriously. Donghyuck, Donghyuck-ah, Hyuckie, Hyuck, baby. It took just one look in your beautiful brown eyes to know that you were going to be it for me, and I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since. You are sweet, and kind, and thoughtful, and the most gentle soul I’ve ever known. Being loved by you is the greatest honor, and I will try every day to prove to you that I deserve it. And I know you’ll do the same for me. You are the answer to my prayers, and the great love of my life, and I thank God every day for bringing us together. I’ll love you forever, Donghyuck, and then some. And then probably some more,” Mark says, beaming at Donghyuck with wet eyes and a giddy grin. He looks eighteen again — exactly how he looked when he face-timed Taeyong to tell him about this awesome guy he met at the bar the night before.
Donghyuck and Mark exchange rings, and Taeyong’s chest nearly splits at how happy they look — how in love they look— as they slide little gold bands on each other’s fingers with trembling hands, pink ears, and mushy grins.
“In the presence of this good company, by the power of your love, because you have exchanged vows of commitment, we recognize you as Husbands. You may now kiss.”
Mark surges forward, grabbing Donghyuck by the lapels of his jacket with a laugh, and crushes his mouth against his husband’s. They laugh into the kiss, teeth clashing, tears down their cheeks, messy and free and beautiful.
This is it, Taeyong thinks, whooping and hollering and making a right fool of himself. This is exactly what I want.
Taeyong looks over Donghyuck’s shoulder and finds Johnny doing the same, loud and proud, and smiling right at Taeyong. Taeyong wants this. With Johnny. He wants forever, one day.
☽☽☽☽☽☽ ☾☾☾☾☾☾
“Shouldn’t I at least have a glass of champagne first?” Johnny whines.
“You’re a messy drunk, Suh.”
“I’m messy sober,” Johnny retorts, hands on his hips. “I’m a confident drunk.”
“You’re not meeting my mother for the first time drunk,” Taeyong hisses, slapping Johnny’s shoulder before dragging him by the wrist to the table they put his mom and her boyfriend at, just next to Mark and Donghyuck’s.
“Taeyongie!” She grins when she sees them coming, standing up and pulling Taeyong into a hug. She hugs a little too tight, and smells a little too strongly of gin, but Taeyong holds her close anyways, burying his face in the crook of her neck. They’re not normally affectionate like this, but Taeyong is grateful she came. For Mark, for Donghyuck, for a last ditch effort at support. Taeyong can’t say the same for their father, but he wasn’t surprised by that. Mark said that as long as Taeyong was there with him, it didn’t matter so much. It broke Taeyong’s heart nonetheless.
“Hey,” Taeyong whispers, fingertips digging into the fabric of her dress. He takes a deep breath before pulling back, nodding a quick acknowledgement to her boyfriend — Ben, he thinks his name is — before wrapping his arm around Johnny’s back. “Mom, this is Johnny. My, uh, he’s my boyfriend.”
Her eyes visibly widen, but she reels it in quickly enough that Taeyong’s not positive Johnny caught it. “Is that so? Nice to meet you, Johnny. Are you treating my boy well?” She asks, shaking Johnny’s hand with narrow eyes, her gaze assessing, weighing, calculating.
Johnny gulps, eyes widening. He takes a big breath, mouth curling up in his typical Johnny Suh winning smile. “Of course, ma’am. Doing my best.”
“Hmm,” she hums, likely just to make Johnny sweat. Taeyong can tell he’s already won her over from the pleased tilt to her lips, just at the corners, but she continues the act, eyes drawn thin and eyebrows pinched. “Tell me, if I send you some banchan, you’ll make sure Taeyongie eats well, won’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am, of course,” Johnny grins, “I’d be honored. Taeyong has told me what a good cook you are.”
Taeyong vaguely remembers mentioning off-hand something about his mother’s cooking once, but damn. Johnny’s certainly a charmer, he’ll give him that. Taeyong should have known that Johnny’s good with moms.
“Oh, has he?” Taeyong’s mother grins, the facade dropping as her face brightens with a smile. “You flatter me, Taeyongie. Ooh, I like this one. Keep him for a long time, okay?”
“Plan on it, Mom,” Taeyong grins, giving Johnny’s arm an excited squeeze.
“Good, good,” She hums, sitting back down with her boyfriend and shooing them away as she brings her drink to her painted lips. “Now leave us old people here and go have fun.”
“Sure thing, mom,” Taeyong laughs. “Find me before you leave though, okay?”
“Okay, honey.”
Taeyong lets his hand slip down from Johnny’s bicep to his hand, giving him a light squeeze as he tugs him back in the direction of their table.
“Never gonna get used to hearing that,” Johnny admits once they’re out of ear shot. His hand is clammy in Taeyong’s, but he’s grinning wider than he was before. Taeyong could tell that Johnny was nervous about the conversation going well just as well as he can read the relief on Johnny’s face that it did go well.
“Hearing what?”
“You calling me your boyfriend,” Johnny explains, a loopy grin on his face.
“Well,” Taeyong starts, drawing out the word. Admittedly, he’s not used to it either. It’s been a while since he even had a boyfriend, and he never thought his next boyfriend was going to be Johnny, of all people. But, God, he’s so glad that it is. Taeyong wouldn’t rather anyone else. “That’s what you are, baby. Hate to break it to you, but you’re stuck with me.”
Johnny grins, doing a quick glance around the room to make sure no one’s staring, and steals a kiss, soft and fleeting, and full of love. “Good.”
☽☽☽☽☽☽ ☾☾☾☾☾☾
Taeyong loses Johnny sometime after they get food, and before the reception really turns into a party — the band is still setting up, and Mark and Donghyuck are still greeting the seemingly endless stream of guests.
When Taeyong finds him again, Johnny’s walking not towards their table, but towards the corner of the hall. Towards the piano. A giddy, ridiculous feeling fills Taeyong’s chest, his phone out and on video before Johnny’s even sat down. Taeyong can already anticipate that he’s going to be revisiting this one. A lot.
There’s a mic pointed towards the keys that Johnny picks up for a second before putting it back in place, calling the boys to the dance floor for their first dance and asking everyone for their attention.
And attention, they give Johnny in full. It’s impossible not to, when Johnny’s as good at what he does as he is. The crowd is perfectly quiet as Johnny runs gentle, practiced fingers over the keys, their eyes glossing over with wonder as the rich notes of the piano fill the hall. Donghyuck and Mark’s feet drift across the dance floor in a practiced glide, floating on air and bubbling with joy. Taeyong remembers the video Mark sent him from their first dance practice with their ballroom teacher. It’s safe to say that they have improved quite a bit since.
If the song was touching the first time Taeyong heard Johnny play it — on that small wooden piano, hand-painted and worn down with love — it’s a thousand times more compelling on a new grand piano, glossy black and built for songs like this. It builds, and soars, and crashes, and glides, the ocean on a still morning, fine silk on warm skin, fresh ground coffee on a winter day.
Taeyong’s camera follows Mark and Donghyuck’s path across the dance floor, a little choppy but hopefully coming out well. He’s admittedly looking at them instead of his screen, so it’s a toss up whether they’re in frame for half of the song.
What Taeyong does notice, however, is Johnny’s mom, leaning against her husband with tears in her eyes and a hand over her heart. Taeyong imagines this has to be overwhelming for her, her eldest son playing her favorite song on the piano, and her youngest dancing with the love of his life, happy and grinning and beautiful.
Taeyong remembers the build up and consequent crescendo of Kiss The Rain as soon as Johnny’s playing it, the familiar notes hanging in the air as Taeyong’s chest tightens with the same emotion as when he heard it for the first time.
And when the final note plays, lingering in the air and bleeding into the venue, longing and sweet and soft, Johnny dares a glance behind him and catches Taeyong’s eye, eyes crinkling at the sides, beautiful and relieved. And holy shit, Taeyong loves him. In that moment, in every moment, today and tomorrow, and forever more. Taeyong shoots out of his chair, cheering his head off. He likely looks more than a little ridiculous, clapping and shouting and whooping, but the crowd is quick to follow when they see how hard Mark and Donghyuck are grinning at him, heads tossed back in mirrored, joyous laughter.
Taeyong misses their laughs, however, far too busy memorizing the look on Johnny’s face, desperate to see that smile every day for the rest of his life.
☽☽☽☽☽☽ ☾☾☾☾☾☾
Mark sends Taeyong back to the hotel with a piece of cake for when he undoubtedly wakes up hungover, and a big, warm hug, and Taeyong tells him in his strictest older-brother voice not to cause too much trouble on the honeymoon. Johnny, of course, interjects that a honeymoon is the perfect time to cause trouble, and Taeyong smacks his arm. Annoying oaf.
Johnny’s back on Taeyong’s good side not even an hour later.
Drunk, tired, and stuffed, Taeyong somehow convinces Johnny to give him a piggy back ride from the moment they get out of their Uber until he’s being tossed onto their bed like a sack of potatoes.
“Ow,” Taeyong whines, glowering at Johnny who glowers back, heaving at the foot of their bed with his hands on his hips.
“You’re welcome,” Johnny pants, glower turning into a begrudged grin as Taeyong thanks him in his cutest voice, eyes wide and lips pouty. “Annoying,” Johnny laughs, tearing his sweaty suit off piece by piece.
Taeyong’s too tired to actually do anything about it, but he does watch with a slack mouth and half-lidded eyes as Johnny strips bare, down to cords of endless muscle, pale skin and midnight dark hair. Johnny throws on some sweatpants, and Taeyong mourns the view he had of an impressive hickey he’d sucked into Johnny’s hip the night before.
“My turn,” Taeyong says, holding his arms up and shutting his eyes.
“You’re impossible,” Johnny curses, walking over to Taeyong to help him get undressed anyway. Johnny takes Taeyong’s shoes off with all of the patience in the world, pressing a soft kiss to his ankle, and works up the rest of Taeyong’s body until he’s bare too. Johnny tells him he’s gorgeous, and wonders aloud how he got so lucky, and Taeyong finds himself blushing from more than just the champagne. Johnny throws another pair of his sweats at Taeyong’s head before walking to the bathroom, and Taeyong gladly drowns in the fabric, giddy at how small he feels in Johnny’s clothes.
Johnny returns from the bathroom with a clean face and minty fresh breath, and Taeyong is jealous enough to drag himself to the sink quickly after. He does a lazy job of getting clean, too tired to shower, but too grossed out to go to bed with dirty skin, and crawls back into bed, straight into Johnny’s arms.
“No funny business, Suh,” Taeyong slurs out, pressing his mouth into Johnny’s neck and nuzzling close, drunk on the warmth emanating from Johnny’s bare chest.
“Excuse me, Lee, I’m a gentleman,” Johnny gasps, aghast.
“You wish,” Taeyong snorts, yawning against Johnny’s skin. “Night night.”
“Night, baby,” Johnny says, flicking the light off and grunting as he gets comfortable, threading a knee through Taeyong’s legs. He noses against the crown of Taeyong’s head, smiling against his blonde hair. “Taeyong-ah,” Johnny whispers.
“Hngh,” Taeyong grunts, too tired to deign to answer Johnny with real words.
“I love you,” Johnny says, his voice warm, warm, warm.
Taeyong’s eyes flutter back open, his hands gripping into the sheets tight as he smiles against Johnny’s neck, a thousand monarch butterflies beating their wings, loud and proud in his stomach. “Love you more,” Taeyong whispers back.
☽☽☽☽☽☽ ☾☾☾☾☾☾
Taeyong wakes up hungover, cranky, and three hours behind schedule. Predictably, the first thing he does after showering is down the slice of cake Mark sent him home with.
“This is fucking god-sent,” Taeyong moans, licking the icing off of the plate like a wild animal until Johnny pries it from his hands with a look of disgust on his face. Taeyong reaches up, giggling as he clings onto the collar of Johnny’s t-shirt. “Kiss me,” Taeyong’s laughs, tugging on Johnny’s neck until the collar is actively stretching, pouting up at him.
“You’re covered in icing,” Johnny whines, fighting against Taeyong’s vice grip with all of his might.
“So you hate me?” Taeyong asks, jutting out his bottom lip.
Johnny sighs, fingers circling the base of Taeyong’s throat as he leans down to kiss him, the icing on Taeyong’s lips melting on Johnny’s tongue. “Yes,” Johnny murmurs against Taeyong’s mouth, lips twitching into a grin. “I despise you.”
“Hey!” Taeyong exclaims, slapping Johnny’s chest, laughing and giddy and annoyed. Johnny dances out of his reach, walking to throw away the plate. “You love me.”
“Nope,” Johnny says, shaking his head and popping the p.
“Yeah-huh,” Taeyong says, picking himself up off of the floor and walking over to Johnny, stopping in front of him and craning his neck up to meet Johnny’s eyes. “A little birdie told me so.”
“Well if a little birdie said it, it must be true,” Johnny murmurs, pecking Taeyong’s lips, then his cheek, then his forehead, then his nose. Then back to his mouth, giving Taeyong a sweeping, toe-curling, main lead in a drama style kiss.
“Are you sure we can’t get back in bed?” Taeyong asks, breaking the kiss, running his palms over Johnny’s front, stretched collar to washboard abs.
“Unfortunately we have to leave in five minutes,” Johnny says, grabbing Taeyong by the shoulders, spinning him and pushing him back in the direction of his opened luggage on the floor. “And someone still hasn’t finished packing, so. Chop, chop.”
“Demanding.”
“Lazy.”
“Rude.”
“Lazy.”
“Seriously, I don’t know why I keep you around,” Taeyong sighs, whistling as he folds up the last of his clothes into perfect squares and puts them back in his suitcase. Johnny throws something at his head, and Taeyong yelps, ready to complain before he realizes what it is.
Soft black fabric, warm and coated in Johnny’s smell. The instantfunk. Taeyong holds it to his face and breathes it in like a dog, already giddy to raid Johnny’s closet when they get back to New York.
And there it is. When they get back. This is the moment he’s been most afraid of. The goodbye. The uncertainty. Going home, and trying to figure out where he fits in Johnny’s life back in New York. Taeyong realizes all at once that this dream of a week is going to end in five minutes, and despite all of the reassurance Johnny has given him in the past few weeks — the I love you’s, the confessions, the grief, the trust, the laughs, the tears, the bonding, the love — Taeyong needs to make sure just one last time.
He finishes packing, drags his suitcase over to the door, and takes Johnny’s hand in his.
“Johnny?”
“Hm?”
“What like — what happens now?” Taeyong whispers, squeezing Johnny’s palm.
Johnny turns back to Taeyong, grinning like he’s not worried about anything at all. He squeezes Taeyong’s palm back, three tight pulses — I. Love. You.
“Now we drive home,” Johnny says simply, and Taeyong knows that he has absolutely nothing to worry about.
☽☽☽☽☽☽ coda ☾☾☾☾☾☾
June 11, 2022
“Gorgeous!” Taeyong’s voice comes from their bedroom, slightly panicked and paired with vicious rustling of clothes in one of the drawers. He has already changed three times this morning, but Johnny knows better than to comment on it. Taeyong looks gorgeous regardless, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to dress up for work, especially on important days.
And today — Taeyong getting his first big opportunity at the studio, fully in charge of today’s recording with their newest artist — is certainly an important day.
“Yes, baby?” Johnny says, poking his head into the room, thumb holding his spot in his book and glasses slipping down his nose. “What’s up?”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home with you?” Taeyong asks, hands on his hips, a new outfit on entirely than what Johnny saw him in last. Taeyong is wearing his best dark jeans and his favorite top — some designer piece that Mark texted Johnny to buy Taeyong for Christmas and he has worn for every special occasion since — his faded pink hair styled off of his forehead. Taeyong looks beautiful. Johnny can’t believe he got so lucky. Taeyong continues, “I can call in sick, or something. I mean, it’s a Saturday, but either Dejun or Jongin could probably cover for me, or we can reschedule with the artist for another ti—“
“T, stop. I’ll be okay, promise,” Johnny assures him. He would love to have Taeyong by his side today, someone he loves there with him to share the weight of Kun’s memory. But Johnny wouldn’t take today away from Taeyong. Not when he’s worked so hard to get here. “I’m gonna go see an old friend today, anyways.”
“Oh, really?” Taeyong asks, his eyes lighting up as some of the worry lifts in his chest, knowing Johnny won’t be alone. He grins, that pretty petal pink mouth tilting up at the sides, revealing his teeth. “That’s amazing, gorgeous. Have fun for me, will you?”
“Will do,” Johnny assures him. “Get going, love, they’re probably gonna be waiting for you.”
“Shoot, I’m going. Oh, wait, before I forget! I made you a box with some leftovers and my mom’s side dishes she brought us, it’s in the fridge for you for lunch if you want it,” Taeyong tells him, rambling as he packs random things into his bag. Johnny hands him his laptop, knowing Taeyong will rip out his hair if he forgets it. Again.
“I know,” Johnny laughs, pushing Taeyong towards the door. “You reminded me earlier, I’ll send her a text to say thanks.”
“She’d like that,” Taeyong grins, slinging his bag over his shoulder and picking up his key to the apartment out of the dish. “Wait. Did you feed Moro?” Taeyong asks, turning back to Johnny with wide eyes. Moro’s ears perk up at her name, her long tail swishing behind her as she jumps off of their bed and jogs over to Taeyong, pushing her big face between his legs, already anticipating scratches. “Hi baby,” Taeyong coos at her, scratching behind her big ear before looking back up at Johnny, waiting for confirmation.
“Yes, I fed her after we walked. Go, you’re gonna be late, baby.”
“I’m going, I’m going!” Taeyong groans, hustling towards the door before turning back around. “One last thing,” Taeyong says, running to Johnny and kissing him, laughing against his lips. The kiss is sloppy and a little too rushed, teeth clashing and lips dry, but Johnny wouldn’t change it for the world. “I love you,” Taeyong says, giving him one last kiss before jogging towards the door. “Text me if you need me, or anything. I love you, I love you!” Taeyong repeats.
“Love you more,” Johnny calls after him as the door swings shut.
Johnny turns back to Moro, squatting down and grinning as she jogs over to him, licking a broad stripe over his nose. Johnny really doesn’t like dogs still, but Moro is his one exception. He nearly killed Taeyong when he came home a week after they moved into this apartment with a puppy, but she won him over in just a few days. Taeyong is currently trying to convince Johnny to let her sleep in the bed with them instead of in her crate — as if they need a seventy five pound White Shepherd sleeping between them in their queen bed that already feels small with two bodies.
“You ready to go on an adventure, puppy?” Johnny asks her, laughing when she barks at the question, jumping on Johnny’s shoulders. She’s pretty damn smart, he’ll give her that. Sometimes, Johnny really thinks that she knows what he’s saying. He grabs Tina’s keys, snapping Moro’s leash on and locking the door behind him. She rides shotgun, windows down and fur blowing, and helps Johnny pick out flowers on the way.
…
Battery Park is surprisingly empty for a warm Saturday in June, but Johnny’s not complaining. He lays out a towel for himself and Moro and places the bundle of carnations by their feet. And he tries not to cry as he looks out at the boats lining the Hudson, and clears his throat.
“Hey, cherry boy,” Johnny says to the water, smiling sadly as he chews over his words. It’s never been easy to talk to Kun when he knows he will never respond, but Johnny’s gotten better at it over the years. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come see you today, but I thought I’d visit the water for you, at least. I know how much you loved the water.
“I brought you flowers,” Johnny says, eyes dropping to the carnations. Kun would have wrinkled his nose at the gesture, but accepted them with a dimpled grin nonetheless. God, Johnny misses him. Will this ever get easier? “They’re a little cheesy, I guess. But you like things like that, don’t you?” Johnny takes a deep breath, pressing his lips against his knees and burying his hand in Moro’s fur, drawing comfort from the way she leans into his touch. “I miss you, Kun. I don’t— well… I don’t think that’s ever going to stop, I guess, or get easier. I know I say that every year, but I really do miss you so much”
“You’d be so proud of me,” Johnny says, smiling against his jeans. “I finally quit that stupid job. I’m working in a coffee shop and taking classes at NYU. I know, right? Can you believe it? I make fifteen dollars an hour and I fucking love it. It was mostly thanks to Taeyong encouraging me to try again, with photography. I don’t know if I ever would have again, if he hadn’t pushed.
“Do you remember Taeyong?” Johnny asks the wind, throat tight with emotion. Kun will never meet Taeyong, of course, but Johnny likes to think that Kun does know him, that Kun is grinning down at the both of them from somewhere far above them. “I used to complain about him to you,” Johnny laughs. “He’s the most important person in my life now, though. Without a doubt. I think you’d really love him, cherry. He makes me better, and he makes me happy.”
Johnny blows out a sigh, laying back on the blanket and staring up at the clouds. “I’m going to ask him to marry me,” Johnny confesses, his words barely above a whisper. It’s the first time he’s said those words out loud, and he can’t ignore the way his heart goes fuzzy at the sentence. “I wanted you to be the first person I told. I don’t even know why, because I know you’d be happy for me no matter what, as long as I was happy. Won’t you?” The clouds seem to smile back at him, the sun warm against his face, and he knows it’s Kun saying yes. “I thought you’d wanna hear it from me. Don’t, uh, Don’t hate—“ Johnny bites his lip, feeling his eyes well up again. “Shit. Uh. Sorry. Just… don’t hate me too much for loving someone else, okay? He’s pretty— yeah, he’s pretty fucking great, Kun. I don’t know how to describe it. He’s kind, and good, and funny, and beautiful. He’s passionate, and ambitious. He makes me want to be better, you know? And I try every day, for him. To be a good man. I think you’d be proud of how far I’ve come, really, with him by my side. That’s what Taeyong tells me at least, that you’d be proud of me. I really hope so,” Johnny trails off, a tear slipping down his cheek.
Johnny’s phone buzzes somewhere against the towel and he sits up to check it, Moro whining as the movement stirs her from her nap. “Sorry, Mor-mor,” Johnny says, wiping a hand over his wet cheek and pressing a kiss to her snout. He opens his phone, blinking away his tears to read the three new messages on his home screen.
From: taeyongie 😽
12:56 PM: they were giving out coffee mugs at the studio today so I grabbed one for my favorite coffee addict huhu 💛💛💛
12:56 PM: how are you doing? let me know if you need anything!!!
12:57 PM: I love you!!! 😘 I’ll be home in time for dinner
12:57 PM: I got groceries yesterday to make stew or we can order in !!! whatever you want, baby. I miss you…
Johnny smiles, some of the weight lifting off of his chest.
He is not alone.
He might still be struggling, and he might have hard days, and the eleventh will never be easy. But as long as Johnny has Taeyong by his side, he knows he’s going to be okay.
Johnny smiles, sending Taeyong a few hearts and a text to get off his phone and go back to work. And then he calls his mom.
She picks up on the second ring. Predictable. “John-ah!” She says, the smile in her voice evident through the phone. “Everything okay?”
“Mhm,” Johnny says. He crosses his legs and sits up, switching the phone to speaker so he can pet Moro with both hands. “I just went to the park to talk to Kun.”
“Oh,” His mom says, her voice dropping into something soft. His mom loved Kun so much, Johnny knows that she’s thinking of him, too today. “I’m glad. That’s— yeah. That’s lovely, honey. I hope you had a nice time.”
“I did,” Johnny says, taking a deep breath. Why is he nervous? He laughs, shaking his head. “I just told him some news, and thought I’d tell you as well.”
“Kun?”
“Yeah,” Johnny says, biting his lip. “I, uh… Well. I told him that I’m gonna ask Taeyong to marry me.”
“Really?” She shrieks. Johnny smiles, picturing her smacking her hand over her mouth, eyes turning into delighted crescents. “Oh, that’s excellent news, Johnny.”
“I thought you might be excited,” Johnny says.
“Did you pick out a ring?” She asks, tone pitching up. “When are you asking? Oh, I’m going to have to look at venues, right now. My friend’s daughter is doing wedding cakes now, did I tell you that? Gosh, this is so exciting, honey! Where are you going to have the wedding? Come home for it, honey. Don’t you dare get married across the country like your brother, that was a nightmare. Promise me, John-ah.
“He has to say yes first, Mom,” Johnny reminds her with a groan. Maybe he should have asked Taeyong before saying anything.
“Please,” She says with a laugh. “That boy loves you, Johnny. He’s probably been waiting for you to ask for forever, so don’t take too much longer, okay?”
“Okay, Mom.”
“And call me as soon as he says yes. And make sure you take photos. Maybe have Donghyuck’s friend who does pictures hide and take pictures when you ask. The one with the pink hair. Jaeminnie. I’ll make him some side dishes as a thank you.” She adds, likely already adding it to her to-do list. “Oh, and Johnny?”
“Yes, Mom?” Johnny laughs.
“Kun would be very happy for you, honey.”
Johnny smiles, picking up the carnations and playing with the petals. “Yeah,” he agrees. “I think so too.”