Chapter Text
Emily knocked on Ben’s door. “I’m sleeping!” Ben shouted, his voice muffled by the wall.
“You’re lying!” She called back. “Open up, Ben!” There was some thuds and then the door swung open.
“Emily!” He smiled, his bedhead endearingly sticking out in every direction.
“Ben,” She pushed her way in. “I want to see the notebooks.” Ben froze.
“What notebooks?” Emily shot him a withering look and he immediately wilted. “Right, those notebooks.” He sighed. “Hang on, I put the other one away… At the back of my closet… Where I never had to look or think about it again.” He wandered back to his bedroom, leaving Emily with a twinge of guilt. She spotted the blue notebook on the kitchen table. Her hands itched to flip through the pages but she was worried about what she would find. “Here it is.” Ben walked back in holding a tattered black notebook with post its sticking out of it. The edges of the pages curled up from wear. She held out her hand. He hesitated before handing it to her.
“There’s a lot of crazy stuff in there.” He cautioned. “I seriously didn’t do most of it.” Emily took a deep breath and opened the notebook.
It looked like the journal of a crazy person. She didn’t understand most of what was written. There were nearly indecipherable diagrams, messily written questions, and scribbles that might have been writing, but were impossible to read. Emily flipped rapidly past the pages, not bothering to read them, until she got to something that looked closer to Ben’s slightly messy but organized show notes. The… crazy, started evening itself out about a quarter of the way through the notebook, around five weeks after she’d been taken. Answers started appearing, plans were being formed, connections were being made. There were a few entries or notes to her than anything else. She tried to ignore those, to respect some of Ben’s privacy, until one sentence caught her eye.
Sammy’s mad at me, god, what did I do?! Why did I write that?!!?
She frowned.
He won’t talk to me unless it’s for the show. There has to be a way to fix this!
She flipped forward a page.
I had another nightmare. I forgot we were fighting and called Sammy. He didn’t answer. I almost called Troy to check on him before I remembered why he didn’t answer. Still had to drive over and make sure he was avoiding me. Make sure he hadn’t been taken… I managed to pass it off as trying to apologize again, but I think I just pissed him off more by knocking until he woke up.
What happened? Emily wondered. She flipped to earlier in the book. Skimming for Sammy’s name.
She found what she was looking for quickly.
“Ben Arnold!” She snapped. Ben jumped. She flipped the notebook around to him, displaying the offending page. “What is this?!” She demanded.
WHO IS SAMMY STEVENS?????
The highlighter had smudged the bold question. Underneath were scrawled a bunch of ‘connections’ if you could call them that. From Sammy’s arrival coinciding with the Tim Jensen abduction to her call into the station.
Ben’s face darkened with hate and guilt. “No,” He snatched the notebook and viciously tore out the page dropping the notebook carelessly to the ground. “Never again.” He ripped the half crumbled page apart. “Stupid.” He continued to destroy the page. “Ignorant. Asshole!” He threw the pieces at the trashcan. Most of them missed, fluttering lazily to the floor. Ben glared at them, his chest heaving. Emily watched him warily. She glanced down at the notebook.
“Is that page why I don’t remember Sammy being at Libbydale Farm?” She asked. That seemed to get his attention and temporarily distract him from his fury with the man who’d written those words and hurt his friend.
“What? No! Yes… Not in the way you think.” Ben slumped and Emily could see the anger still silently simmering in him. “Sammy was angry with me for two weeks after he saw that page.” Self-loathing flashed up in his eyes again. “All of my excuses seem pretty piss poor now that I know what he went through alone.” He muttered. “But… during that time I also realized how much I needed Sammy just to stay stable.” He rubbed his face. “I managed to keep it together, probably because I still saw him every night. Even if he was mad at me he’d still make these snide little comments about eating or sleeping. Complaining about how I was stinking up the place and had I considered a shower… or laundry.” His eyes stared guiltily into space. “Stuff I forgot about because I was too caught up with the Notebook.” Emily could tell ‘the Notebook’ had become jargon for the plan to rescue her. “And then he forgave me.” Ben practically deflated in relief. “He let me back in.”
“If he forgave you, that doesn’t explain why he wasn’t at the farm.” Emily urged.
“It… He…” Ben looked down and scooped up the book. “Here,” He flipped through the pages. “I wrote this the night after Mary Jensen was almost taken testing the prism projector.”
Emily eyed the book then took it and sat back down at the table.
There is no way in hell I’m letting Sammy near these damn lights.
Emily smiled at the sentiment.
I’m taking his name out of all the plans. They already took my heart when they took Emily. I can’t let them take my spirit too. God, Sammy’s going to be ticked. But every time I let myself think of the absolute worst-case scenario, it’s not that it doesn’t work or that I get taken too. It’s that Sammy gets hurt because of my plan. It’s that the Transmogrifier fails and those damn lights move over to my best friend. That they will take him too. Sammy is the only thing keeping me together. Without him I never could have collected all these people and pieces for my plan. Hell, I’d be sitting in a cell for forcing my way into Mary’s house to yell at Tim without Sammy talking me down and setting my head on straight. Losing Emily crippled me. Losing Sammy will break me.
I need them.
Emily glanced at Ben. “I couldn’t risk him.” Ben said quietly. “Those two weeks, when Sammy would barely look at me, were the darkest of that year. Even worse than when I was spiraling because then I knew Sammy would be there for me if I called.”
“I get it.” She smiled. He looked back at her. “Frankly, given the things I’ve learned today. I’m not sure I can wrangle a spiraling Ben nearly as well as Sammy.” Ben looked as if he wasn’t sure if that was an insult or not. “I need the back up and the friend.” She put aside the black notebook and looked pointedly at the blue. “So… How are we going to convince him to stay?”
A smile spread across his face and he pulled the blue notebook towards him. “I’ve got a few ideas…”