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The Complex Mathematics of Self

Chapter 6

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Piccolo sometimes turned up on days when Gohan was off studying with Bulma. Chi-Chi was usually around, as she had only managed to sit in on a couple of calculus lessons. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to learn and it wasn’t as if Bulma was anything other than very carefully polite, but Chi-Chi felt the absence of her own education keenly enough to be uncomfortable at the best of times.

Bulma had also given her a couple of worksheets. They’d been a little bit… jumbled, but it was very sweet of her. It had made it easier for Chi-Chi to follow along with Gohan’s calculus textbook. Chi-Chi had tried to give herself a few hours per week to painstakingly read through the chapters and scribble her way through the problems. She was making progress. Slowly.

Today however, while Gohan was off with Bulma, she was at home and Piccolo was sitting across from her at the dining table. He was sipping his tea and they were chatting about Gohan. Things had gotten better since the discussion about Namek. Gohan wasn’t quite as cheerful as he used to be, but the pain and rawness seemed to have eased. He laughed more and if he tended to get quiet and introspective sometimes, well, that was just a part of growing up. Or so Chi-Chi told herself.

A comfortable silence fell between her and Piccolo. He seldom spoke unless he had something specific to say, but he wasn’t the least bit awkward about silence. It was restful. Chi-Chi took another sip of her own tea and put it back on the table. Piccolo’s eyes traced the movement.

‘Have you spent much time with the other Nameks?’ Chi-Chi asked. A thought had been nagging at her for weeks now and she needed to ask.

Piccolo’s grimaced. ‘No. I don’t… even with Nail, there isn’t much for me there. With them.’

‘So you won’t be going with them? When they make the wish to find a new world?’

Piccolo snorted. ‘No.’ That was it, no hesitation, no thought or rationalising. It looked like Piccolo had made his choice and to him it was an obvious one that didn’t require elaboration.

Some of the tension Chi-Chi had been carrying eased. The idea of Piccolo leaving made her insides twist. But he wasn’t leaving. He was staying. Chi-Chi had pressed her hands flat against the table between them without noticing, like she’d been seeking an anchor. She only realised it because Piccolo was staring at them.

He was so focused that he didn’t seem to notice her regard. She lifted her palms off the table and laced her fingers together in front of the cup. Piccolo kept staring intently up until the point she brought her hands together. Then his gaze flicked up, his eyes widened. He cleared his throat. ‘Thank you for the tea. I should… go.’

He pushed his chair back and stood and Chi-Chi stood with him. ‘I… I’m glad you’re staying on Earth,’ she said. She couldn’t find the right words to express how deeply she meant it and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to. It would be… too much. ‘Goodbye, Piccolo.’

‘Goodbye,’ he replied, inclining his head the barest fraction. Then he turned and left and Chi-Chi stood there wondering why he’d been staring.

///

Piccolo arrived at Chi-Chi’s door just as the sun was setting. Gohan had been more energetic during their last few training sessions and Piccolo had adjusted the amount of fighting versus meditation.

Chi-Chi opened the door at his knock and smiled. ‘Hello, you two. Are you staying for dinner, Piccolo?’

‘Yes, thank you,’ said Piccolo.

They made their way into the dinning room and Piccolo slid into the usual chair opposite Chi-Chi’s. Gohan went off to wash his hands and Chi-Chi went through to the kitchen. The scents and sounds drifted through the air and the steady predictability of it was almost meditative.

Gohan returned just as Chi-Chi swept through the kitchen bearing a large tray loaded with food and tea. Piccolo stood and helped her settle the tray on the table and picked up the cups and teapot. He poured for the three of them while Chi-Chi set out food for her and Gohan. They didn’t jostle each other, even when they had to reach across the table at the same time.

Piccolo sat back and brought his cup up to his face. ‘Camomile,’ he said after a moment.

Chi-Chi smiled at him. ‘Yes. Good for unwinding after a long day.’

Piccolo nodded and took a small sip. Gohan had cleared his bowl and his gaze flicked away from the serving dishes and toward Chi-Chi. ‘Did you fight alongside other people much when you were adventuring?’ he asked.

Chi-Chi paused and turned her attention to Gohan. ‘Not much. Why do you ask?’

Gohan shrugged. ‘Piccolo’s been teaching me about sensing people’s ki and how it’s useful for allies as well as enemies. You know, so it’s easier not to get in another fighter’s way.’

Chi-Chi gaze flicked over to Piccolo before returning to Gohan. ‘The only times I did anything like that were with… with your father,’ she said.

Gohan tilted his head thoughtfully. ‘Oh. Could you tell me about one of those times?’

Chi-Chi’s expression was hard to read, but after a moment she starting telling a story about an unquenchable fire that threatened her father’s castle.

Piccolo sipped his tea and listened. It was… interesting to hear about Chi-Chi’s time as a fighter. Even if it was strange hearing about parts of Goku’s past that felt closer to Piccolo’s earlier memories of him.

‘And everyone was okay?’ Gohan asked when Chi-Chi finished telling the story.

‘Oh yes. At the time it didn’t seem possible, but the flames fell away and everyone was fine. Your grandfather had even managed to save the dress,’ Chi-Chi said.

‘Do you have any more stories about when you and Dad went on adventures?’ Gohan asked.

Chi-Chi looked down and stirred the contents of her bowl with her sticks. ‘Not any ones as exciting as that story.’

Gohan cocked his head. ‘Do you ever miss being a hero?’ he asked.

Piccolo noticed the way Chi-Chi’s shoulders tightened at the question. ‘There’s a lot more to life than being a hero. Like studying.’

‘I know,’ Gohan said. ‘I don’t think I want to be a hero. I’m not… I mean there’s lots of heroes. Like Dad and Krillin and Piccolo. And there’re fewer people who are good at calculus. Like Bulma.’

Chi-Chi relaxed and gave Gohan a warm smile. ‘Exactly. You could be a scientist or an engineer, just like Bulma, and help the world that way. There are plenty of problems in the world that can’t be solved with fighting.’

The conversation turned to engineers and Piccolo stopped paying attention. There was an uncomfortable prickling sensation beneath his skin. Being called a hero by Gohan made him grimace. Especially since he’d lost so soundly on Namek, even at his strongest. The only reason he’d gone at all was to bring back Gohan and in the end Gohan had been the one dragging him around while he’d nearly bled out over the both of them.

He wasn’t a hero like Goku, not like any of the other fighters, and he didn’t appreciate having that brought up. And the worst part of it was that Gohan meant every word. His eyes practically shone whenever he looked in Piccolo’s direction.

Piccolo stayed silent for the rest of the conversation and sipped his tea even slower than usual as an excuse not to talk. Chi-Chi kept Gohan talking about science and maths. She also kept shooting odd glances in his direction. He tried to keep his eyes on his teacup.

When dinner ended, Gohan went upstairs for study and Chi-Chi turned to him. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, a small crease forming between her eyes. Piccolo felt the bizarre urge to smooth it away with his fingers.

He dropped her gaze. ‘Nothing.’

‘Oh no, I saw the way you looked during dinner. That wasn’t nothing. Remember when you said that it can help to talk, to have someone to listen?’

Piccolo scowled into his teacup. Maybe it would be worth explaining. Something in him twisted painfully at the thought of Chi-Chi looking at him with the kind of admiration that Gohan did. Without her actually knowing about him, what he was really like. He growled under his breath and forced himself to meet her eyes. ‘I’m not a hero!’ he snapped.

Chi-Chi gave him an unreadable look and motioned for him to continue.

Piccolo drew a deep breath. It was easier to talk now that he’d said that much and the words started pouring out. ‘No matter what Gohan tries to say, no matter how much anyone wants it to be true, I’m not. I went up against Raditz because he taunted me and I wanted to get my revenge. I fought the other saiyans because they were threatening the planet I was living on. I went to Namek for Gohan. Not to stop Freeza, or save the galaxy, or even to help “my people”. The only part of me that cares about the Nameks is Nail and it’s not like there’s enough of him left in me to get a vote. I don’t care about helping or protecting people. I care about Gohan and you and that’s about it.’ He folded his arms and tilted his chin up, waiting.

Chi-Chi’s eyes weren’t shinning when she looked at him, they were blazing. ‘Good,’ she said, low and intense. Piccolo’s eyes widened. ‘I have enough heroes in my life, thank you very much. Heroes die.’

Piccolo was speechless. The last time he’d seen her this ferocious was back when they’d been enemies. He found himself unable to tear his gaze away.

‘It’s hard caring about the whole universe day after day in the face of each new crisis. I’m not out there, you know, standing on the frontline between the galaxy and whatever wants to destroy it this time. I’m here, with Gohan, at home, trying to look after the child that I love. And that responsibility is bigger than the whole damn universe! Maybe that’s selfish, but I’m finding it harder and harder to care. I am sick and tired of heroes.’ She practically spat the last word. Then she blinked at Piccolo and looked down. Her rage seemed to fade away.

‘I don’t think it’s selfish,’ Piccolo said after a moment. ‘And if it is, who cares? You look after Gohan well.’

Chi-Chi huffed a laugh. ‘So do you. I just want…’ She paused, her gaze flicked up to Piccolo and back down to the table. ‘I just want.’ She sighed and stood up, pushing back from the table. ‘But that’s not important. We’re going to bring Goku back and things are going to be… well. I’m going to clear the table.’

Piccolo stood as well. ‘I’ll help.’

She looked over at him, her expression unreadable. ‘Thank you, Piccolo.’

///

The phone rang while Chi-Chi was in the middle of sweeping the kitchen floor. She went to answer it, putting aside the broom as she made her way to the lounge room.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chi-Chi, it’s Bulma.’

Chi-Chi smiled. ‘It’s good to hear from you. How are you doing?’

‘What? Oh, fine. You know how it is. The adventure’s over and now it’s just a matter of sorting stuff out.’ There was a pause from the other end. ‘That’s... actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Some of the, uh, stuff. You’re kind of the only person I can talk to about this.’

Chi-Chi frowned. ‘Is this about Namek?’

‘Uh, kind of? You know how Vegeta came back to Earth with all the Nameks, right?’

‘Yes.’

The silence stretched on Bulma’s end again. ‘He’s not nearly so evil anymore,’ she finally said. ‘He hardly ever talks about murder now.’

Chi-Chi’s frown deepened. ‘Well that’s good, I suppose.’

‘Yes. Yes, it is good.’ The silence stretched again. ‘He’s also kind of hot, don’t you think? I mean, just physically, you know? If you don’t think too hard about the... murderousness.’

Chi-Chi stared off into the middle distance, trying to process what Bulma had just said.

‘Hello?’ Bulma said tentatively.

Chi-Chi drew in a deep breath. ‘Yes, I’m still here and… I don’t think I quite see it myself,’ she added weakly.

‘Oh. Yeah, that’s fair. I just, uh... I thought I could maybe talk to you a bit? I mean, you can at least get what I’m talking about regarding hot alien fighters.’

Chi-Chi felt her face heating. Had she been so obvious in front of Bulma? Obviously nothing was going to happen, but if she was being objective, even about just the physical aspects… Chi-Chi cleared her throat. ‘I, ah, that’s a fair point. I don’t… really have much room to judge. Not that I would judge!’ she added hastily. ‘It’s good to know your own mind.’

‘Thanks, it means a lot to hear that. And it’s not as if Vegeta’s the first bad guy to end up… less bad,’ Bulma added knowingly.

‘No, he isn’t,’ Chi-Chi agreed in measured tones. She thought about how much Piccolo had changed in the time she’d gotten to know him. How good he was for Gohan. How much he meant to her.

‘So do you think it would be safe to go for it? Would he be able to, you know, control himself, do you think?’ Bulma asked.

Chi-Chi frowned. If the question had been about Piccolo, she would absolutely know how to answer it. He had more than enough control and thoughtfulness about him. But she had no idea why Bulma was asking her about Vegeta. ‘I don’t really know him.’

‘Well, yeah, but I mean… you and Goku... he’s a saiyan. Can he control himself in bed or would I have to be a fighter like you to stand up to it?’

Goku. Chi-Chi’s eyes widened and she felt a little light-headed. Bulma had been talking about hot aliens and Chi-Chi had instantly started thinking about Piccolo. Not that that meant anything! She barely thought of Goku as an alien. She’d always assumed he had been born on Earth. ‘Oh yes! Goku.’

‘Well yeah, what other hot aliens do you know?’ There was a pause. ‘Oh. Oh. You thought I was talking about Piccolo, didn’t you!’ Bulma sounded delighted.

Chi-Chi covered her eyes with her free hand. Why did Bulma have to be so quick? Shouldn’t she be focusing on calculus and not Chi-Chi’s embarrassing slip-ups?

‘Hello? Are you okay, Chi-Chi?’ Bulma asked.

Chi-Chi let out a long breath. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I don’t think you have to be a fighter to sleep with a saiyan. Goku… it never seemed hard for him to be gentle. Using that kind of strength and power isn’t easy for a fighter, especially if they’re tapping into their ki,’ Chi-Chi said. It was all too easy to remember her flying lessons with Piccolo, how difficult it was to feel her own strength when she wasn’t looking for it.

There was a pause on Bulma’s end. ‘Thanks. Are we going to talk about the other thing?’

‘No,’ Chi-Chi said firmly. ‘I’m happily married to my husband, who is one of your closest friends and currently dead. I may have noticed that there was a “hot alien fighter” around, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything about it.’

‘Hey now,’ Bulma said placatingly. ‘I wasn’t trying to suggest you were. I just don’t have anyone to objectify boys with. I thought we could gossip or something. I’m, uh, not really good at “girl talk”.’

Chi-Chi snorted. ‘Well I haven’t had much practice either.’ She took a deep breath. That didn’t mean she couldn’t at least try. ‘Good luck with Vegeta. I mean it. And if you want to gossip about that later, I’d be happy to.’

Chi-Chi could hear the smile in Bulma’s voice. ‘Great! I might just take you up on that. It’s good to be able to talk to you about… stuff.’

‘And you,’ Chi-Chi said. More than she could say. She was mostly annoyed at herself for slipping up rather than at Bulma for being perceptive. And she trusted Bulma to keep it quiet. Not that there was anything to keep quiet, just…

‘Bye, Chi-Chi.’

‘Goodbye, Bulma, and good luck.’

///

Gohan chewed on his lip and finally put his pencil down. ‘What’s it like being a scientist?’ he asked, looking up at Bulma.

She stared down at him for a moment. ‘Uh… good question. I consider myself more of an engineer. All those controlled experiments and writing up papers isn’t really my style. I like working with my hands and building stuff. Then I find out if it works on the fly. But then I have the resources to do that. Why? Are you thinking about careers?’

Gohan shrugged. ‘Yeah, I’ve been thinking about stuff. I think I like studying more than fighting.’

Bulma’s face lit up with a big smile. ‘Ha! Score one for the intellectuals!’ She glanced down at Gohan. ‘What I mean is, it’s nice to know that someone from both sides can see the value of book-learning. Hanging around fighters is definitely exciting, but it’s easy to get sucked into the idea that everything can be solved by punching. Or, failing that, a particularly large energy blast. Even though I know that’s not true. So you’re thinking of becoming a scientist?’

Gohan shrugged again. ‘Or maybe an engineer, like you.’

Bulma’s grin widened and she ruffled his hair. He batted her away, but gently. ‘Good for you. And maybe good for the world. You’re smart and we can always use more smart people working on at the cutting edge.’

‘So maybe I could help you fix those problems you were talking about? The big ones that can’t be solved with fighting?’

She tilted her head to look at him more closely. ‘That’s… not quite the sort of work I do. Besides, the really big humanitarian projects have heaps of people working on them, so being good at teamwork becomes just as important as having smarts. Maybe more important.’

‘I can do teamwork! I’ve fought in lots of battles with other fighters,’ Gohan said indignantly. He’d fought alongside Piccolo and Krillin and his dad. Besides, Piccolo was helping him learn how to signal what he was about to do and he was getting good at sensing an ally’s ki.

Bulma pressed her lips together and nodded. ‘Yeah, I guess so, but have you ever given much thought about going to school? The learning’s a bit less intense than what Chi-Chi and I have you working on, but being around a lot of other people is a kind of learning experience all on its own.’

Gohan frowned. He’d read about school because it kept coming up in the textbooks, but not as something that applied to him. ‘I hadn’t thought about it much.’

‘Uh, actually, maybe let me talk to Chi-Chi first and maybe don’t mention this conversation to her yet?’

Gohan gave her a searching look. ‘Do you think you’re going to get into trouble?’

Bulma snorted. ‘I’m an adult. I don’t “get into trouble”.’ But she still looked kind of nervous.

Gohan nodded to himself. ‘I won’t tell on you.’

Bulma’s smile was a little crooked. ‘Thanks. And speaking of parental stuff, it won’t be long before the Namek Dragon Balls are ready.’

Gohan grinned. ‘Yeah! Dende’s talked about it. His people will finally have their own home again.’

Bulma blinked. ‘And we can bring Goku back too,’ she said in a strange tone.

‘Yeah, it’ll be good to see him again.’

‘You don’t seem very excited.’

Gohan shrugged. ‘I guess I don’t think it will change stuff much. Mum says he was around a lot when I was younger, before he died the first time, but I don’t remember that as well. And I don’t like thinking about Namek.’ It wasn’t so bad anymore. The nightmares had stopped a while ago and he could think about Namek without feeling sick and scared. His clearest memories of his dad were talking in hospital and that final fight against Freeza. Dad was the best hero, but Gohan didn’t feel like he’d ever be a hero. He hoped his dad wouldn’t be disappointed.

‘Are you… upset?’

Gohan blinked. ‘No. I just don’t think about him much. Dad went on a lot of adventures, but when people tell me the stories most of them seem to end with him fixing things all by himself. It’s like what you were talking about with school. I think Dad doesn’t need to work with other people. Not when it really matters.’

‘He loves you,’ Bulma said quickly.

‘And I love him. He’s my dad. But…’ Gohan frowned, trying to find the right words. ‘Mum needs me. It’s why I ran home the very first time. And these days I think Piccolo needs me too. And it’s… easy to need people who need you? I don’t think my dad needs me.’

Bulma was staring at him with a stunned expression. ‘That’s… kind of insightful. And mature. I think. Wow. I, uh, don’t know if you’re meant to realise that sort of thing so early. When you’re a kid you aren’t responsible for your parents. Especially not for your parents. Shit, I’m not the best person to talk about this stuff.’ A second later she clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘I didn’t swear! Please don’t tell Chi-Chi!’

Gohan laughed. ‘I said I wouldn’t tell on you.’

Bulma lowered her hand. ‘Good. You want to maybe take a look at the labs before we head back to your mum’s? If you’re considering a science-y career?’

Gohan leapt up. ‘Yeah!’ He was almost sure Bulma was trying to bribe him, but it was a good bribe.

///

Everyone was piled in the courtyard of the Capsule Corp compound for the activation of the Namek Dragon Balls. All the fighters, Bulma, Piccolo and of course Gohan. Even Vegeta was standing off in a corner. His presence made Chi-Chi uneasy, despite knowing Bulma’s… opinions. She was grateful to have Piccolo at her shoulder as a calm, solid presence.

Gohan was holding a whispered conversation with the small Namek child, Dende. Chi-Chi was glad he’d found someone his own age to talk to. It had never really occurred to her that Gohan might have been lonely without other people his age to talk to and listen to. She was seriously considering Bulma’s case for sending him to school soon.

‘Alright everyone,’ Dende said, straightening up and giving Gohan one final smile. ‘It’s time.’

A hush fell as Dende spread his hands and began reciting in his own language. Chi-Chi snuck a glance at Piccolo, wondering if he could understand the words. He caught her eye and gave her one of his blink-and-you-miss-it smiles. She smiled back, before she even realised she was doing it, and then quickly turned around. She stared at the Namek Dragon Balls instead. Today was the day. It had been three whole months and Goku would finally be alive again.

The Namek dragon appeared in a blaze of light that pierced the sudden and unnatural darkness. He was as huge as Shenron, but less lithe and far more muscular. Chi-Chi’s heart was beating hard in her chest and something twisted in her guts as Dende made the wish.

‘I cannot grant this wish as Goku Son is not dead.’ The words seemed to appear in Chi-Chi’s head without her actually having heard them.

‘What?!’ exclaimed Krillin. ‘Well, uh, wish him back to Earth then, if he’s stranded in space.’

Dende made the wish. Chi-Chi could almost hear her own pulse.

‘That wish, I cannot grant. Goku Son does not wish to return.’

Chi-Chi stopped breathing. Around her the rest of the group had erupted into shouts and arguments. Bulma had thrown her hands up and was arguing with Krillin. Dende was trying to get Gohan’s attention and the Namek Dragon’s all at once. Vegeta shoved through the crowd and made his way toward the spaceship.

‘No,’ Chi-Chi said in a small voice. No one heard her. Not even Piccolo, who was standing right by her shoulder. She balled her fists and threw her head back. ‘No!’

Silence fell for a moment as everyone turned to look at her. Chi-Chi ignored them all. ‘No! You will listen to me! King Kai!’ she shouted. ‘I know you can hear me! I want to speak with my husband! I want to speak with Goku!’ Even the dragon was silent and everyone was staring at her. ‘King Kai!’

‘What?’ an irritated voice sounded in the back of Chi-Chi’s head. Triumph surged in her.

‘Hello, King Kai?’ she said in a more polite tone. ‘It’s very important that I speak to Goku. Right now. Would you please be so kind as to provide a telepathic connection?’

There was a sigh. ‘You know, I’m not some sort of handy galactic telephone service.’

‘Please,’ said Chi-Chi, the word coming out far more desperate than she’d intended.

‘Oh, alright! But don’t think I’m going to make a habit of this.’

Chi-Chi took a moment to look out over the group of people that was still surrounding her and the dragon. ‘I, um. I’m going talk with my husband. You should… make whatever wish you think would be appropriate. I’ll just be… over there,’ she said, her face heating up. She cast one last look at Piccolo. ‘Can you…?’

‘I’ll watch Gohan,’ he said and folded his arms. ‘Go.’

Chi-Chi nodded and went off away from the crowd. ‘King Kai?’ she asked tentatively when she was out of earshot.

‘Yes, I’m here and here’s–’

‘Hi Chi-Chi!’ came a cheerful and devastatingly familiar voice.

‘Goku.’

‘Yeah! King Kai says you want to talk?’

Chi-Chi opened her mouth and closed it again. ‘We all thought you were dead!’ she finally blurted.

‘Huh, I guess it did look kind of bad. I managed to escape at the last minute, but I was injured and ended up crashing on Yardrat. The locals have been looking after me. They’re really great!’

Chi-Chi took one long breath and then another. He’d been injured. He’d had no way of contacting Earth. Maybe… maybe… ‘The Namek Dragon said you didn’t want to come home.’

‘Oh, I can’t come home yet! There’s this really cool technique they use here called Instant Transmission. You can use it to teleport. Can you imagine how useful that’s going to be in battle?’

‘I don’t care! I need you here! Gohan needs you here. You’re a husband, a father, you can’t just go gallivanting out across the galaxy. You’re needed here.’

‘But Chi-Chi–’ Goku pleaded.

‘No. I can’t do it,’ Chi-Chi said simply, interrupting. She’d reached a place beyond her anger and hurt, a place that was filled with a sort of terrible calmness. ‘Not anymore. I can’t pretend that this is fine and that you and I… work. We don’t. Not, not anymore.’

‘What do you mean?’ Goku asked, nothing but bewilderment in his voice.

‘I don’t think I want to wait for you anymore. I don’t want you to be the husband I’m holding myself back for. I mean, you did die. A long time ago. The vows said til death do us part, after all.’ Chi-Chi tried to chuckle, but it came out as more of a sob. She pressed her lips together tightly.

‘But…’ still that same bewilderment in Goku’s voice, ‘I love you, Chi-Chi.’

‘You love everyone.’

‘Well… yeah?’

Chi-Chi let out a long breath. ‘It’s taken me years to realise that and longer still to realise that I wanted more than that. I wanted to be special to you.’ It sounded so selfish when she said it, but for the first time she considered that that might not be a bad thing.

‘I guess... I didn’t…’

Chi-Chi noticed that he wasn’t saying she was special to him. ‘You’re a great and noble man. A warrior, a hero, and a, a champion. But you aren’t a good husband. Not for me, at least.’

‘I thought that was what you wanted. You always said so.’

‘I was young. We both were and… a good hero isn’t what I need to have a good family.’

‘Chi-Chi… I want you to be happy. I’ve only ever wanted everyone I care about to be happy and safe.’

‘I know that.’ And it was true, and even now she couldn’t help the thread of warmth that crept into her tone. She was pretty sure she’d never stop admiring what Goku was, but it wasn’t personal anymore. It couldn’t be. ‘And I still want you to be a part of Gohan’s life and maybe in a little while we can be friends again. You and me. But our marriage is over. I’m your widow, Goku. And when you decided that you weren’t coming back to me, I decided to stop waiting. It’s… over.’

The connection was silent for a long moment. ‘Okay.’ Goku sounded serious, but not even the least bit torn up. At least Chi-Chi found that a relief. She didn’t think she’d much like the person she’d be if she’d wanted him to sound… hurt.

‘Goodbye, Goku,’ she said. Her voice was calm and didn’t waver even a little bit.

‘Goodbye, Chi-Chi. I’ll be back to Earth soon. I just need to master this technique.’

‘There! I hope everyone’s happy. I shouldn’t have to listen in to conversations like that,’ King Kai’s voice exclaimed in the back of Chi-Chi’s head.

‘Thank you, King Kai. I really needed to hear him and… talk to him,’ she said.

‘Humph, well, good luck. And don’t go shouting at me again!’ With that the connection faded.

Chi-Chi took a few deep breaths and smoothed her hands down the front of her skirts. Then she checked to make sure her hair was still pinned and none of the strands were escaping. She made her way back to the Capsule Corp Compound and found that most of the crowd had left. Her eyes darted over to Piccolo, just once, before she walked up to Bulma.

‘Hi, Chi-Chi, how did everything… go?’ Bulma asked her.

‘Good. Could you watch Gohan for the rest of the day? I don’t like to ask on such short notice–’

Bulma’s eyebrows shot up and she snuck a glance over at Piccolo. ‘I’d love to watch Gohan. Are you going to…uh.’

Chi-Chi felt her face heat a little. ‘I’m Goku’s widow. Ultimately by his choice,’ she said firmly.

Bulma cast another furtive glance in Piccolo’s direction before nodding slowly. ‘Well, there’s no accounting for taste and I really don’t have room to talk, so go get him, I guess.’ She shrugged.

Chi-Chi nodded. ‘Um, yes. Thank you, Bulma. I’ll see you later this evening.’

‘If you like, it can be later tomorrow morning. Gohan’s been bugging me to let him stay for a sleepover so we can use one of my telescopes.’

Chi-Chi opened her mouth and then shut it again. ‘You know what? Yes. Thank you.’

‘No problem.’ Bulma turned to look over at Gohan and Piccolo. ‘Hey, Gohan,’ she called. ‘You’re staying the night with me. We can finally look at Mars the way you wanted to.’

Gohan rushed up. ‘We can? Thanks, Mum!’ His expression clouded. ‘What about Dad?’

Chi-Chi took a deep breath. ‘Your father isn’t coming home. He’s learning a teleportation technique on some other planet.’ She tried not to say anything that wasn’t a simple clear fact. Her words ended up sounding more clipped than she would have liked.

Gohan nodded. ‘And he’s probably out there helping people who need it, right?’

‘Probably.’

‘Okay. Maybe he’ll teach it to me when he gets back.’

‘You’re not upset?’ Chi-Chi asked. She knew she was going to have to have a long conversation about Goku with him sooner or later. And another one about Piccolo.

He shrugged. ‘Not really. I know people out there need him to be a hero, but I… don’t. I have you and Piccolo and Bulma.’ He smiled up at them all.

That Gohan was taking the news so casually stirred a lot of old worries in Chi-Chi. She couldn’t help comparing his reaction to the way Goku took setbacks in his stride. But even that concern was getting drowned out by an overwhelming sense of relief. She was glad to be able to put off those difficult conversations for now. Tonight was going to be for her. It wasn’t easy squashing the voice in the back of her head that was telling her it was wrong, but she couldn’t remember the last time she’d recklessly pursued something she wanted. That used to be her main way of operating, but having a child changed things. Chi-Chi wouldn’t undo it for the universe, however, for the first time in years, she realised that just maybe there could some balance between selflessness and selfishness. She didn’t want to be a hero.

‘Glad to hear it, kid,’ said Bulma. ‘Let’s go set up the guest room, I’ll let you pick your own sheets.’

‘Bye, Mum, see you tomorrow,’ said Gohan.

‘Bye, Gohan,’ she replied and watched them go.

After a moment Chi-Chi turned and walked calmly up to Piccolo. He had been staying back and keeping an eye on the space where they’d summoned the dragon. Chi-Chi couldn’t tell if he was deliberately giving her space or just processing his own reaction to seeing the Namek’s dragon and finding out about Goku’s choice.

‘Hi,’ said Chi-Chi.

He turned to face her and uncrossed his arms. ‘How are you?’

Chi-Chi smiled at him and floated up until they were eye-to-eye and she could put her hands on his shoulders. Slowly, giving him plenty of time to stop her if he wanted to, she leaned in to press her lips against Piccolo’s. He made a surprised sound at the first touch, but he didn’t freeze up. Instead, he placed his hands on her waist and kissed back. He wasn’t particularly good at it, but she just found that endearing. Warmth rose in her, almost like the glow of ki energy, and it made her lips tingle. It was an effort to keep the kiss chaste, but she drew back after a few heartbeats.

‘I’m fine. Better than I’ve been for a while now.’ She paused and stared hard into his eyes as concern twisted through her. ‘Is this… okay?’ she asked haltingly.

Piccolo took one of her hands in his. The grip was gentle, but very deliberate. His thumb brushed against the back of her hand, tracing small circles. Her nerves sang beneath that light touch. ‘Yes,’ he said, his voice low and intensely serious. He met her gaze directly. ‘This is… better than okay.’

Notes:

Well, that concludes the longest fic I’ve written to date. Once again, many thanks to both my editors for their invaluable advice. Additionally, huge thank you to all my readers. Your support has meant the world to me.