Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[squipsquad currently has: 7 members online]

jerrybean: dudes 

jerrybean: it's the first day of college and i'm already fucked

cupid: aww you miss your boyfriend??

jerrybean: yes

jerrybean: but that's not the point

gay™: he misses me!! i can die happy

jake-a-cake: dorks

jerrybean: GUYS this is important

jerrybean: it turns out

jerrybean: i'm really not good with blood

dick: HA UR FUCKED

cupid: i gotta agree with rich. not your best move

canoozle: jeremy that's like going to theater school without being able to sing

dick: so like you??

cupid: SHOTS FIRED

dick: im kidding im kidding

dick: i love u christine

canoozle: eh

dick: EXCUSE

dick: yknow what. im tired ill just accept the rejection

gay™: anyways

gay™: jeremy. sweetie. darling. the love of my life. 

gay™: why the /fuck/ did you go to med school if you're not good with blood

jerrybean: I DIDNT KNOW I WASNT

jerrybean: BUT SOMEONE FELL AND SCRAPED THEIR KNEE PRETTY GOOD

jerrybean: AND I WAS LIKE

jerrybean: hahaimfine.jpg

jerrybean: IMFUCKED.jpg

jerrybean: in that order

canoozle: where did you find those

jerrybean: i have an extensive meme collection

gay™: i can confirm

gay™: you all thought his hard drive was filled with porn?

gay™: nope

gay™: it's memes

dick: he once showed me a pepe that even /i/ haven't seen

cupid: jeremy. wtf. why do you have pepes

jerrybean: i keep an extensive collection of every meme

jerrybean: just let me live

cupid: i'm never gonna forgive you for having an extensive collection of memes

jerrybean: but what if i show you

jerrybean: this.jpg

canoozle: jeremy no

jake-a-cake: jeremy yes

jerrybean: thank you jake

jake-a-cake: ur welcome boo

dick: im breaking up with you

jake-a-cake: rude

brookie: anyways how tf did you go from talking about how jerry here's fucked to memes

jennabun: isn't that always what happens?

brookie: true

gay™: while i love talking to all of you (mostly jeremy tho) i have to go to class

canoozle: ooh! what do you have??

gay™: intro to film scoring

gay™: it's gonna be lit, berklee is great so far

jerrybean: MY BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO ONE OF THE BEST MUSIC SCHOOLS IN THE COUNTRY SUCK IT

brookie: we get it you love him

brookie: but i'm proud of michael, that's a p big feat

jerrybean: HELL YEAH IT IS

gay™: but seriously i have to go

brookie: bye

dick: adios dude

jake-a-cake: see ya

canoozle: good luck!!!!!

jennabun: have fun !

jerrybean: FUCKING BEAT EVERYONES ASSES WHO TRIES TO GET IN YOUR WAY YOURE THE BEST MUSICIAN THERE AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT

cuipd: two types of people

[gay™ went offline]

jerrybean: sad.jpg

jennabun: jeremy no sad kermit memes make me sad

jerrybean: sharemypain.jpg

jennabun: no.vid

jerrybean: fine.jpg

cupid: dorks

Chapter Text

[squipsqaud currently has: 5 members online]

jake-a-cake: i'm literally so pissed off right now

jake-a-cake: like i'm bout to get out of my chair and punch a bitch pissed off

dick: honey you can't

jake-a-cake: YOU DONT THINK I DONT FUCKING KNOW THAT

cupid: holy shit jake calm down

canoozle: take deep breaths!! it's all okay, jake

jake-a-cake: fine

jake-a-cake: but do you wanna know what happened

dick: yes

jerrybean: yes

jennabun: y e s

brookie: jenna hun you can hide your nosiness for a littly while ok

jake-a-cake: so i'm going to my fucking class. brand identity design or something. and it's on a lower level, it's my first week here and i don't know my way around. so i see this guy, a professor, he teaches my graphic design 1 class

jake-a-cake: anyways i ask him where the elevator is. and he's like, why are you in a wheelchair? and he was acting shady when i was in his class, he didn't give me a lower place to work so i'm trying to fucking draw on a table a good three inches above where its supposed to be. and he gave me a bad grade on all my formative assignments so far even tho i did what i was supposed to??

jake-a-cake: anyways he doesn't need to know why, i'm paralyzed and in a fucking wheelchair just let me live dude. so i tell him, and he goes on and on about.

jake-a-cake: are you ready for this

jake-a-cake: THAT EVERYTHING FUCKING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

cupid: oh shit

canoozle: oh my god

jake-a-cake: it gets better

jake-a-cake: so i ask him, i got paralyzed in a freak accident for a reason? and he says, and i quote,

jake-a-cake: "yeah, you must've done something horrible to deserve that. but don't worry, god has a plan for you"

jake-a-cake: AND HE FUCKING HANDS ME A CHURCH BROCHURE OR SOME SHIT AND SAYS WE CAN FIX YOU, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A NUISANCE ANYMORE

jake-a-cake: NO ONES CALLING ME A NUISANCE BESIDES ME YOU CRUSTY OLD MAN

dick: oh my god i'm so sorry

dick: he's an asshole

dick: i'll report him to risd give me his name

jake-a-cake: it's fine, i'll make him pay for it

dick: ?????? 

canoozle: jake, please don't do anything stupid

jake-a-cake: no promises

[squipsqaud currently has: 7 members online]

jake-a-cake: uh guys

gay™: well that's not a good way to start a conversation

gay™: what happened this time

jake-a-cake: i might be getting kicked out of risd

jerrybean: .......can't say i'm surprised

brookie: JERRY

jerrybean: HE CLIMBED THROUGH THE WINDOW AT THE HALLOWEN PARTY BC CHLOE WAS MAKING OUT WITH ME WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

brookie: .....

brookie: i see your point

brookie: jake please do go on

dick: seriously this was your dream school what the fuck did you do

jennabun: awww rich is a concerned boyfriend!!

dick: well yeah and i don't want him to come crying when he gets kicked out of  the school he's been working towards for years!!

jake-a-cake: you have so much faith in me

dick: just tell me what the fuck you did !!!!!!!!!

jake-a-cake: okay so

jake-a-cake: i may or may not have threatened to paralyze that guy

dick: here we go

jake-a-cake: like i was gonna intimidate him. i had this whole script, and i went through it, detailing how i was gonna murder him basically

jake-a-cake: and. uh. he thought it was serious???

dick: jake

dick: i love you but you are fucking mindless sometimes

canoozle: but it was only a threat? you didn't do anything right?

jake-a-cake: about that

cupid: JACOB DILLINGER

jake-a-cake: JUST LET ME FINISH THE FUCKING STORY CHLOE

brookie: honey chill out

brookie: deeeeeeeeep breaths

brookie: think of the happy trees

jake-a-cake: brooke lohst do not use bob ross against me or you are next

jake-a-cake: ANYWAYS

jake-a-cake: he threatened to call the police. and i said okay, technically you were discriminating against me idk shit about laws i'm in art school okay

jennabun: well yeah the ADA protects you

jennabun: you should learn this it would be helpful

jerrybean: how do you know all that??

jennabun: jeremy. i know everything about everyone and everything

jake-a-cake: oh good. bc i punched him

dick: JAKE

dick: ffs babe call me i'm worried

gay™: ......don't we all want to hear what happened

jerrybean: man i've already got my popcorn

dick: haha so funny

jerrybean: no i'm actually serious

jerrybean: yum.jpg

dick: you fuck

dick: he could be in trouble and you're making popcorn !!!!!

cupid: awwwW rich is still a concerned boyfriend

jennabean: okay can jake get back to telling his story so we can see whether or not he's gonna get arrested??

jake-a-cake: thank u

jake-a-cake: he was saying he was going to beat my ass if i tried to attack him bc i was paralyzed. and i said "wanna bet?" he said i'd outrun you in the first place

jake-a-cake: so it's important to know. this guy is short

dick: oh god

jake-a-cake: we're arguing back and forth. and i kinda. hoist myself up and sucker punch him in the nose

jerrybean: you should've gotten a video man

jerrybean: i would've paid good money to see that

dick: .......

dick: i'm still concerned but kinda glad bc he deserved it

jake-a-cake: yeah lol

jake-a-cake: well it happened like a week ago so i think i'm fine. he started grading me better once everyone started asking why he had a black eye

canoozle: i usually don't condone violence but i agree with jeremy. i wanted to see that

gay™: i'd bootleg it but same thing

dick: okay yay but YOU WAITED A WEEK TO TELL US??? YOU COULDVE GOTTEN ARRESTED IN THAT TIME JESUS CHRIST JAKE YOURE IN COLLEGE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS

jake-a-cake: well. but it's probably fine

dick: I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU

jerrybean: idk man. he's a pretty good fighter

jennabun: yeah i heard he took down a teacher with one punch

dick: i hate you all

jake-a-cake: love you too babe

Chapter Text

[squiipsquad currently has: 3 members online]

gay™: oldmemes.jpg

jerrybean: "roses are red, harambe's in heaven, joe biden"

jerrybean: they didn't really put a lot of effort into that

gay™: jeremy

cupid: IM FUCKING CRYING

cupid: JOE BIDEN

cupid: THAT IS THE GREATEST FUCKING THING IVE HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

gay™: jeremy. babe. who is that.

jerrybean: joe biden???

jerrybean: OH WAIT

jerrybean: OH NO

gay™: that is the best poem i have ever heard of jesus fucking christ

jerrybean: NO STOP

gay™: "rosese are red, harambe's in heaven, joe biden"

gay™: holy shit

jerrybean: STOPPPPPPPP

Chapter Text

[squipsquad currently has: 1 member online]

dick: ffs.jpg

dick: i'm blaming it on the fact that it's 4 am but i can't remember how to solve this

dick: cause you need to distribute?? i think?? idk i got .5

dick: WAIT NO

dick: now i got 18

dick: i'm fucking in college and i can't remember how to solve a simple expression

dick: i mean if you don't distribute then it's either 9 or 1

dick: DAMN IT

dick: okay it's either 9 or 18

dick: or 1

dick: i'm going to bed

[dick went offline]

[jerrybean went online]

[cupid went online]

[brookie went online]

brookie: rich wtf

cupid: were you high

jerrybean: idk man i got 9

brookie: no it's 1

cupid: i got 18 lol

[dick went online]

dick: FUCK

Chapter Text

[squipsquad currently has: 4 members online]

brookie: have you ever realized that our generation is probably going to destroy the world some day

brookie: gen x just wants to watch the world burn

canoozle: gen x is our parents

canoozle: gen z is us

brookie: x and z are right next to each other

canoozle: no, it goes gen x (which is the generation that follows the baby boomers) gen y, aka the millennials, and gen z, who are the people that follow the millennials, aka us

brookie: chrissyhun.jpg

canoozle: oh my god

canoozle: im screaming at this

canoozle: im such a disappointment 

brookie: oh christine

brookie: at least you know your generations

jerrybean: i don't even want to say anything this convo is fucking perfect

dick: the adventures of squipsquad

canoozle: i have dishonored myself

canoozle: i have disonored my famil

canoozle: i have dishonored my cow

Chapter Text

[squipsqaud currently has: 3 members online]

gay™: do you think that donald trump is just donald duck in disguise 

jerrybean: are you high

gay™: yes

jerrybean: okay

jerrybean: be safe

cupid: this is the type of wholesome content i am looking for in life

cupid: someone date me

jerrybean: no i'm gay

cupid: you're bi jeremy

jerrybean: i'm feeling particularly gay today okay

gay™: but...... aren't i gay?

gay™: like that's what my nametag says

gay™: idk man i just like jeremy a lot i'd like to suck his dick again sometime

jerrybean: are you drunk too

gay™: maybe

jerrybean: k cool

jerrybean: ask me again when you're sober. and don't drive or do anything stupid

jerrybean: call an uber if you're out. stay safe and don't get arrested bc you're underage

cupid: WHOLESOME

cupid: also jeremy have you gotten past the point where you're embarrassed by a drunk and high michael sexting you in a gc

jerrybean: he's drunk and doesn't have a filter

jerrybean: plus it's good blackmail material

cupid: i have trained you well

jerrybean: you know it

jerrybean: now imma call him to make sure he doesn't kill himself

jerrybean: adios

[jerrybean went offline]

cupid: quality wholesome content right here folks

Chapter Text

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: i

jerrybean: i don't know how to say this

jerrybean: i know it's only a few weeks into college but i can't fucking do this

jerrybean: everything's too much, i'm never going to be a surgeon, i'm never going to amount to anything

jerrybean: i can't do anything i'm not happy everyone hates me i can hardly talk to chloe and i'm a horrible boyfriend you don't deserve me

jerrybean: it won't get out of my head

jerrybean: i don't deserve to live

jerrybean: i don't deserve to be here

jerrybean: it doesn't even feel like i'm here ha

jerrybean: that could be the painkillers though 

jerrybean: i just can't stand the thought of being here anymore

jerrybean: i'm sure my roommate will find me tomorrow

jerrybean: or today i suppose

jerrybean: it is 3 am, after all

jerrybean: oh well

jerrybean: i love you.

[jerrybean went offline]

[gay™ went online]

gay™: /pm jerrybean

gay™: jeremy honey it's 3 am what are you doing up

gay™: oh my god

gay™: mahal

gay™: are you there?

gay™: oh of course not you're offline fucking hell

gay™: jeremy

gay™: is the squip back??

gay™: shit fuck gosdammjt

gay™: i calledj 911 i dont remeberr whag dorm youre in

gay™: FUCK

gay™: thisisnt happening 

gay™: please pick yp your phone jermy baby please

gay™: ive called so maby timesnplease picn up

gay™: i lovekyou so much i dont know what id donwithimout you wveryone loves you you deserve life so much and you are sych a talented and smart person and you make me smile everytime i see you even when im mad nad you gove me tjsg feeling whenc fou drink hot chocolate v fast and your stomach gets reLly warm

gay™: pleasepleaseplease answer me

gay™: GODDAMNT

gay™: /msg squipsquad 

[squipsquad currently has: 1 member online]

gay™: GUYS

gay™: DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHAT DORM JEREMY IS IN

gay™: ITS TEALLY IMPORTANT

gay™: LIKE THIS IS A FUCKING LIFE OR DEATH SUTUATION

[canoozle came online]

canoozle: ??? it's 3 am

canoozle: idk michael i'm sorry

canoozle: what's going on

gay™: FUCKING HELL

canoozle: seriously michael somethings happening

[dick came online]

dick: FFS WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME AT 3 AM 

dick: why the hell would i k ow what dorm he's in? how important is this?

gay™: very very veyr fucking important richard

dick: woah we're pulling out full names now?

gay™: YES BRDAUSE JEREMY TRIED TO FUCKING KILL HIMSELF AND ID ONT KNEOA WHAT DORM HES IN

canoozle: oh my god

canoozle: please tell my i'm dreaming

dick: i

dick: i'm sorry i didnt know god i'm so sorry

canoozle: did you call 911??

gay™: YES

gay™: i hoep they can find him ind time

gay™: i cant lose him

gay™: hes the only person ive had for so long i cant lose him

gay™: and i cant do abything about it

gay™: why didnt i know? why didnt he tell me? he tells me evrrything

canoozle: oh michael im calling you pick up

dick: i am too hold up

canoozle: hell be okay

[canoozle went offline]

[gay™ went offline]

[dick changed the conversation name to: jeremy support group]

[dick pinned a message: jeremy tried to kill himself, christine and i are talking to michael. michael's freaking out, so msg me or chris for details]

dick: don't tell anyone either.

[dick went offline]

[jerrybean went online]

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: they jjst gave me my phone back

jerrybean: i can only text

jerrybean: i mkght need s liver transplant, i uh

jerrybean: my survival rate isnt that high

jerrybean: if i get through this next week they're putting me in a pysch ward

jerrybean: you doont have to come see me, i get kt if you hate me

jerrybean: im so sorry

jerrybean: i fucked up everything, my future, our relationship, all my friendships, school

jerrybean: everything

jerrybean: im so sorry

[gay™ went online]

gay™: oh thabk god

gay™: im so glad youre okay

gay™: i have a plane ticket booked im gonna be there tomorrow okay?

gay™: hold on until then for me

gay™: everythings going to be alright, were gonna be alright 

jerrybean: im so sorry michael

jerrybean: im so svared

gay™: i know mahal i know

gay™: but well be okay

gay™: ill be there soon, and i can hold you tight and everythings gonna be just fine

gay™: and youll be in the pysch ward for a little bit, but youre gonna get better there. and then you can go back to school if you want. and if not, thats okay too

jerrybean: im so sorry

gay™: its okay.

gay™: it was just a mistake, it can be fixed

gay™: youll be just fine

gay™: im not going to let anything else happen to you

jerrybean: i missed you

jerrybean: as soon as inturned my phoen off i wanted to talk to ylu

jerrybean: i was scared

gay™: i know, jeremy

gay™: but now you have a million more chances to talk to me

gay™: you dont have to be scared anymore, im there, even if im not right next to you

jerrybean: you promise?

gay™: i promise.

Chapter Text

gay™: /pm canoozle, dick, cupid, jake-a-cake, brookie, jennabun

gay™: jeremy's starting school again today so don't be dicks!!

dick: ...that's literally my name

gay™: you don't get to escape

gay™: i'm leaving tomorrow so he might be a little nervous

gay™: but he's the same jeremy we know, just a little bit in shock

gay™: so. again. don't be dicks

cupid: michael how long have you been in baltimore?

gay™: a few weeks, i wanted to make sure he could get back on his feet

gay™: i'm doing my work online

cupid: WHOLESOME

jake-a-cake: we're still on that?

jake-a-cake: but agreed

gay™: i've known him for fourteen years it's not like i wouldn't stay

gay™: plus i've been making sure he takes his meds and shit

gay™: somehow that kid went from the brink of liver failure to going back to school

dick: aw man they could've had a good cadaver to work on

brookie: RICH

dick: IM KIDDING IM KIDDING

gay™: okay that is the kind of stuff we're not going to say! 

gay™: he's been through a lot in the last two years. we gotta take care of him and each other for awhile okay?

jennabun: agreed

jake-a-cake: yep

cupid: i've got jerry boy

dick: i'll lay back on the jokes for like a week

canoozle: we've got this guys!

canoozle: probably

canoozle: /pm gay™

canoozle: hey michael, if you don't mind me asking, why did jeremy do it?

gay™: /pm canoozle

gay™: it's fine, just don't tell anyone else

gay™: apparently the day was going normally, he was completely fine, and then when he was doing his homework he heard the squip. so the doctor's think he had a ptsd episode, he didn't know what to do, and that seemed like the only option to make it stop

gay™: i think he mentioned that the squip was pushing him to do it as well

canoozle: oh god poor jeremy

canoozle: i thought it was gone?

gay™: i did too.

[jeremy support group currently has: 6 members online]

jake-a-cake: hey jeremy how was your first day back??

jerrybean: it was okay, i missed a ton of shit

jerrybean: so i have learned a valuble lesson. if i'm gonna kill myself i should do it right

gay™: JEREMIAH HEERE

jerrybean: IM KIDDING IM KIDDING

brookie: jesus christ jerry save me the heart attack next time

jerrybean: i had the opportunity. and i took it

jerrybean: nah but. i learned my lesson

jerrybean: always carry around mountain dew red and don't try to kill yourself when the voice in your head that no one can hear starts talking to you!!

canoozle: good plan! 

gay™: yep he's started stockpiling that shit

jerrybean: and i'm staying shitfaced in the mean time

canoozle: jeremy that's illegal

dick: you'll fuck up your liver

jerrybean: yeah lol i can't drink ever again. the shit that the microsoft wanna be put me through

jake-a-cake: NOOOOOOOO

dick: i would like us to take a moment of silence for our brother in arms

dick: windows vista cost him the ability to drink

jake-a-cake: sad day.

gay™: he's doomed to a lifetime of being a designated driver

jerrybean: NO FUCK I HATE BEING THE DD

dick: it's too late

dick: it is your destiny

dick: you will have to drive us around for the rest of your life

jerrybean: fuck you

dick: love you too

gay™: /pm jerrybean

gay™: i miss you

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: i'll be back in a few hours, you can see me before you leave

gay™: i know mahal

gay™: but can i ask you something?

jerrybean: sure

jerrybean: hellooooo??

jerrybean: it's been five minutes hun you gonna respond?

gay™: why didn't you tell me?

gay™: you always come to me when you're having a panic attack, you know i'm always here... why didn't you call?

gay™: i almost lost yku

gay™: we cohouldvr prevented all of it i xant lose ryou

jerrybean: are you crying?

gay™: no why would you sqy rhat

jerrybean: you make typos when you're crying.

jerrybean: i've known you for fourteen years, michael, i know your texting habits..

jerrybean: hello? are you going to answer me?

gay™: okay yes sue me

gay™: you couldve tols me ans none of this woudve happened

gay™: you were there everytime i triwd to kill myself i couldve done the same for you!

jerrybean: i don't know

jerrybean: it's the squip we're talking about, it made me feel like we were back in junior year...

jerrybean: i didn't want to be a burden

gay™: mahal you are the opposite of a burden

gay™: you are the fucking light of my life

gay™: if we werent broke college students i would buy a ring and propose to you on the spot, you will never ever be less that the most important person in my life

gay™: you can always come to me. i will always be here. even if i'm in boston and you're in baltimore. i'm never leaving you, jeremiah heere. 

jerrybean: really? you'd propose to me?

gay™: sinta i've known you for fourteen years spending the rest of my life with you is only fitting

jerrybean: what's stopping you?

gay™: we're only eighteen and i have 32 dollars and 17 cents in my bank account

jerrybean: point taken

gay™: ask me again when you've got your big surgeon paycheck and i can be your trophy husband

jerrybean: i love you so much

gay™: what?

jerrybean: it just hit me that. damn i love you a lot

jerrybean: i'm sorry for everything that happened

gay™: you just made a mistake. it's okay, everything worked out, didn't it?

jerrybean: i guess so

jerrybean: but i'm asking again when we get out of college you fuck

gay™: mahal kita, you bitch

jerrybean: i feel bad for our future children

gay™: me too, babe. me too

Chapter Text

[jeremy support group currently has: 7 members online]

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: michaels gay]

jerrybean: i do not need support anymore i am a strong independent woman who don't need no man

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: jeremy support group]

gay™: you're too precious and always need support

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: michael wet the bed until he was thirteen]

gay™: YOU FUCKER

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: jeremy shit his pants sophmore year]

jerrybean: YOU WANNA GO CAUSE ILL FUCKING GO

[jerrybean changed the coversation name to: michael once punched someone and yelled IM FUCKING GAY when a girl tried to hit on him]

cupid: OH MY GOD REALLY THATS AMAZING

gay™: IT WAS A MISTAKE YOU FUCKER

jerrybean: YOU SUCKER PUNCHED HER

cupid: MICHAEL ACTUALLY HAD THE GUTS TO SUCKER PUNCH SOMEONE???

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT DONT LISTEN TO JEREMY HES A LIAR]

[dick changed the conversation name to: jake once used the fact that he's in a wheelchair to get a girl]

[dick changed the conversation name to: surprise: it didn't work]

cupid: THATS EVEN BETTER JAKE YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR FLIRTING

[dick changed the conversation name to: yeah he asked me out by saying "yeah idk man i know i cant get it up anymore but i wouldnt mind sucking your dick"]

jake-a-cake: THAT IS NOT FUCKIG TRUE

[cupid changed the conversation name to: hmmmmmm that's why rich is so fit. he's doing all the work]

[jake-a-cake changed the conversation name to: MY DICK IS PERFECTLY FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH]

[rich changed the conversation name to: yeah you get a boner whenevever they adjust your catheter]

[brookie changed the conversation name to: oh my fucking god]

[jennabean changed the conversation name to: someone please confirm i have to know this]

[rich changed the coversation name to: i went to the doctor with him once it was so fucking funny]

[jake-a-cake changed the conversation name to: rich once tried to have sex with his squip]

[rich changed the conversation name to: YOU FUCKER]

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: how the fuck do you have sex with something that is in your mind and is also kermit the frog]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: isn't that like. beastiality] 

[canoozle changed the conversation name to: puppetality?]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: that works]

[dick changed the conversation name to: jake was the one who burnt down the house it wasn't me]

[jake-a-cake changed the conversation name to: YOU SAID YOUD NEVER TELL ANYONE YOU FUCK]

[cupid changed the conversation name to: SCANDAL]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: the hit tv show on netflix]

[jennabun changed the conversation name to: good joke]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: thanks bro]

[jake-a-cake changed the conversation name to: rich is non binary]

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOOOOOOOOOAH]

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: we do not out people!! never!!] 

[dick changed the conversation name to: nah it's cool i wanted him to tell everyone, i didn't know how]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: why didn't you tell any of us?? we're all cool here]

[cupid changed the conversation name to: okay everyone state your pronouns, gender, and sexuality. this is a support group]

[cupid changed the conversation name to: in normal chat bc the "_ changed the conversation name to _" is getting really fucking old]

cupid: i will start

cupid: she/her, female, very fucking gay

jennabun: same as chlo except pan

canoozle: she/her, female, asexual bitchessssssss

jerrybean: oh is that why you didn't want to date me?

canoozle: nah you're not my type

jerrybean: rude

jerrybean: anyways i'll go

jerrybean: hey yo i'm jared, i'm nineteen, and i never fucking learned how to read

gay™: jeremy NO

jerrybean: JEREMY YES

gay™: VINE IS DEAD

jerrybean: IT WILL LIVE ON

jake-a-cake: any-fucking-ways

jake-a-cake: he him. male. probably bi who fucking knows

dick: they.them. non-binary, prolly genderfluid idk man gender is a social construct

gay™: preach

dick: also. i'm bi

jerrybean: we know

jerrybean: "oh my god, i'm totally bi"

dick: shhhhhhhhhhh

jake-a-cake: anywAYS jerry ur turn

jerrybean: fucking fine. use whatever pronouns idgaf, who the fuck knows, and FUCKING BISEXUAL FUCKERS

brookie: how many fucking times can you put fuck into a fucking sentence jesus fucking christ

cupid: good joke. i approve

brookie: thank

brookie: also! she/her, female probs, G A Y

gay™: oh my turn

gay™: he/him, ftm, very gay

dick: H O L Y  S H I T

jake-a-cake: YOURE TRANS?????

canoozle: MICHAEL HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ANY OF US

jennabun: WTF NONE OF US KNEW

jerrybean: well i knew

brookie: YOU DONT FUCKING COUNT

jerrybean: :(

gay™: yeah?? i'm trans big whoop

gay™: how did you not notice the chest bulge for a good four years

jennabun: HMPH

dick: wait how do you have sex??

brookie: RICHARD

dick: IM K I D D I N G

jerrybean: @ richard: constantly

gay™: go fuck yourself

jerrybean: only if you come along ;)))))))

[gay™ changed the conversationname to: please kick jeremy out of the gc]

[jerrybean changed the converation name to: i'm the owner you can't kick me out]

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: FUCK]

Chapter Text

[FUCK currently has: 7 members online]

gay™: yo just wondering how the hell did you guys not notice i was trans

jerrybean: well yknow i noticed when you started going as michael rather than 

jerrybean: oh wait deadname nvm

cupid: wholesome

gay™: anyways jeremy you don't count

gay™: and you're the first person i told

jerrybean: goddamnit being your boyfriend and best friend really has some downsides

gay™: rude

dick: not to be rude michael but no one was really looking at you for those four years

dick: you kinda stay in the background

cupid: they're right

gay™: you're not wrong

gay™: did i really do that good of a job of staying out of the way?

jake-a-cake: apparently

jerrybean: hey but how did you not notice how much more masculine he got from junior to senior year?

brookie: i just thought he had a late puberty?

gay™: nope that's when i went on t

jerrybean: november 7th, 2015. he cried and kissed me for the first time in the hospital parking lot

jennabean: jesus that's adorable

cupid: you could also say it's

brookie: CHLOE NO

cupid: W H O L E S O M E

brookie: goddamnit 

jerrybean: okay but what about the time in sophmore year when he had blood all over his pants?

jake-a-cake: idk man i thought he cut off his dick or something

dick: "i thought he cut off his dick or something" jacob dillinger, 2k17

jennabean: if he did get his dick cut off i'm guessing chloe would do it

cupid: .... you're not wrong

jerrybean: okay. what about changing in gym. how did you not notice the binder

gay™: i changed in the bathroom stalls

jerrybean: ohh

jerrybean: goddamn you were really stealth

brookie: is that the right way to use the word stealth??

dick: yeah, it basically refers to trans people "going stealth" so no one finds out that they're trans

brookie: fancy words

gay™: indeed

gay™: but my question is. how did you guys meticulously analyze and reasearch the danny phantom trans boy thing and not realize one of your friends, who was talking in that same conversation, was trans

jake-a-cake: i was too hung up on the fact that entire danny phantom series was a metaphor for being in the closet

jennabun: idk man i don't really believe that danny's trans

jerrybean: OKAY E X C U S E  M E

dick: DANNY PHANTOM IS TRANS CULTURE THANK YOU VERY MUCH

gay™: daniel fenton is a goddamn trans boy and you cannot convince me otherwise

jennabean: there's not just solid evidence

gay™: HE WEARS TANK TOPS AT WATER PARKS

jerrybean: "i would tell you to use the men's room but i don't think you qualify"

dick: his chest bulges sometimes. HIS GENETIC CLONE IS FEMALE

brookie: idk rich i agree with jenna

dick: G E N E T I C  C L O N E

jerrybean: why are the only trans people in the gc for the trans danny theory

jennabean: who said you were trans?

jerrybean: my concept of gender is quite flimsy i think i qualify

jennabean: fair enough

cupid: well i also believe it

gay™: you're your own seperate group

cupid: rude

brookie: hey i just realized that the gc name is "FUCK"

brookie: we might wanna change that?

[jerrybean changed the conversation name to: danny fenton is a trans boy]

brookie: GODDAMNIT 

Chapter Text

[danny fenton is a trans boy currently has: 4 members online]

cupid: holy s h i t

cupid: guys

cupid: guess what they're putting in by school

cupid: A FUCKIN A&W

gay™: YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THESE THINGS WOMAN

jake-a-cake: okay how much are plane tickets we're all going to a&w with chloe

jennabun: a lot but i'm a hoe for a&w and miss you guys so it's happening

gay™: i thought it was "i'm a slut for ___"??

cupid: he's right

cupid: no one says i'm a hoe for something......

jennabun: okay you all can suck my dick

gay™: i'm in a committed relationship just bc i'm gay doesn't mean you can say things like that to me. it's inappropriate

jake-a-cake: honestly same

jennabun: for the record hoe-ness is universal

jennabun: i can be a hoe for a&w all i want

jake-a-cake: you go girl

jake-a-cake: smash the patriarchy. be a hoe

cupid: do you actually know what the patriarchy is or did you just hear it somewhere

jake-a-cake: "Basically, the patriarchy is an unjust system that enforces gender roles, male dominance, and oppresses pretty much everyone. The way the patriarchy oppresses women is pretty obvious (the wage gap, slut-shaming, enforces misogyny, the objectification of women, etc.) Women of all races, religions, and sexes (yes, sexes) face oppression everyday due to the patriarchy. But, this system that you created majorly harms the ones it is supposed to be benefiting. Everyone suffers under the patriarchy."

jake-a-cake: from a paper i wrote freshman year about everything that's wrong with america

jake-a-cake: it's 8 pages long

gay™: you are the hero this world needs but does not deserve

jennabun: pls share it with me i need to carry it around and give it to guys who catcall me

cupid: same

cupid: i never thought i'd see the day where jake started becoming woke

[dick came online]

dick: *cough* it's because he started dating me *cough*

[dick went offline]

jake-a-cake: *cough* stfu *cough*

[dick came online]

dick: i am offended

jake-a-cake: suck my dick

dick: gladly

cupid: jesus christ get a room

gay™: too gay for me

jake-a-cake: your username is literally "gay™"

gay™: you know what just go and suck rich's dick i'm done 

cupid: relax

cupid: but if anyone wants their dick cut off. i volunteer

jennabun: ...chlo what the /actual/ fuck

cupid: what can i say?

cupid: i hate the patriarchy

Chapter Text

[danny fenton is a trans boy currently has: 6 members online] 

canoozle: guys!!!

canoozle: i have cool news

canoozle: for an assignment i have to write a script for a play that i will put on for my final. and i got my idea approved

cupid: yay!!! that sounds amazing what is it

canoozle: ,,,junior year

gay™: you're making me go in the bathroom again? rude

canoozle: yes mikey

canoozle: my professor said it was very creative modern sci-fi and nothing like what he's seen before

brookie: maybe we should send him an xray of jeremy's head

cupid: I SNORTED

jennabun: please make our lives seem more interesting than they actually are

canoozle: yeah i need to make myself look good y'know

gay™: hey can you take out that part where i'm like. let's get stoned in my basement bc if they find it it's real i could get it trouble

canoozle: nah

jennabun: savage

cupid: who even says savage anymore??

brookie: jenna, i'm ashamed of her

canoozle: anyways!! brooke i need your services

brookie: i have been called upon

canoozle: can you please send costume designs to me?? or ideas?? i want to match everyone's personality to their wardrobe but i suck

brookie: as you wish

gay™: if that was a princess bride reference i'm breaking up with jeremy right now and marrying you

[jerrybean came online]

jerrybean: excuse me

brookie: it was

gay™: jeremy we're done

jerrybean: the princess bride isn't even that good of a movie

canoozle: okay EXCUSE

jennabun: THE PRINCESS BRIDE IS A CLASSIC

jerrybean: like once mr. you-killed-my-father guy appeared i was bored

jennabun: INIGO MONTOYA IS MY HUSBAND

gay™: how DARE you disrespect inigo montoya

jerrybean: honestly the only good scene was when they were fighting in rhythm

canoozle: at least he appreciates that

gay™: HOLY SHIT I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA

gay™: christine do you need scoring for your play??

canoozle: you don't have to but that would be awesome

gay™: good bc i got such a good idea for a theme

gay™: jeremy you princess bride-hating bitch call me

jerrybean: real creative insults

jerrybean: but fine

[jerrybean went offline]

[gay™ went offline]

[gay™ went online]

gay™: wait

[gay™ changed the conversation name to: IN CON CIEVABLE]

gay™: there

[gay™ went offline]

cupid: why did i ever join this gc

Chapter Text

[cupid came online]

cupid: /pm brookie

cupid: F U C K 

brookie: /pm cupid

brookie: what's wrong??

brookie: is something going on? are you hurt?

cupid: I RUINED THE SWEATER YOU GAVE ME

brookie: ....okay, not as large of an emergency as i expected

cupid: NO IT IS

cupid: ITS THE ONE YOU GAVE ME FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY

brookie: i can always make you a new one, you have like ten sweaters i made for you

cupid: NO BUT IT WAS MY FAVORITE ONE

cupid: I HAVE SO MANY ASSOCIATIONS WITH IT

brookie: chloe, your therapist told you that you need to work on all those associations

cupid: i knowwwwww brooky but i can't help it with that sweater

brookie: fine

brookie: how bad is it?

cupid: UGH.jpg

brookie: chloe i love you but WHAT THE FUCK

brookie: how do you even fuck up a sweater that bad??

cupid: I TRUSTED A PUPPY

cupid: I DONT TRUST IT ANYMORE IT RUINED MY FAVORITE SWEATER

brookie: evidently

cupid: i cried for an hour over it!

brookie: oh man

brookie: i can make you another one like it?

cupid: no it's not the same

brookie: are you sure? i still have the pattern

cupid: no brooke it's okay

brookie: it's obviously not, i want to do something

brookie: maybe we could have a funeral for it?

cupid: a funeral for a sweater?

brookie: why not? the gc has done weirder

brookie: i mean we once made michael wear a dress bc we wanted to see if we recognized him pre-t and made him ft jeremy and he almost booked a ticket to boston bc he thought michael was having an identity crisis

cupid: omg i forgot about that

brookie: that was a definining moment in gc history how could you forget??

cupid: idk man

cupid: but thank you for reminding me babe, i'm for a sweater funeral

brookie: it'll give you closure! and stop you from hating the puppy

cupid: oh i forgave it like five minutes after it happened but i'm still v sad about it

cupid: i've had it for forever it has so many memories, i don't want to lose it

brookie: i know, but it's just a sweater. you gotta remember that you can't have everything as a time capsule,, i don't want to live with a horder

cupid: ,,,,,,,agree to disagree

brookie: why do i put up with you

cupid: bc you love me

brookie: you're pushing it

cupid: RUDE

brookie: /msg IN CON CIEVABLE

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 8 members online]

brookie: y'all

brookie: long story short a puppy ruined chlo's favorite sweater and she's way too attached to inanimate objects 

cupid: /msg IN CON CIEVABLE 

cupid: i am betrayed

brookie: anyways

jerrybean: wow that's harsh

brookie: ANYWAYS WERE HAVING A SWEATER FUNERAL BITCHES

gay™: okay??

jennabun: mikey we've done much weirder

jennabun: remember milwaukee?

jerrybean: what's milwaukee??

gay™: a very well-kept secret

jennabun: yep we are never speaking of it again

jerrybean: i'm conCERNED??

gay™: MAHAL WE HAVE A SWEATER FUNERAL TO GET TO

jake-a-cake: which sweater was it??

cupid: the blue one

dick: oh shit i loved that one, i still want brooke to make me one like it

brookie: nope

brookie: i have more important matters to attend to. like sweater funerals

brookie: plus then EVERYONE would want a sweater and i don't have time for that

dick: rude

brookie: ANY-FUCKING-WAYS

brookie: who would like to say a few words?

jennabun: i will

jennabun: uh. it was a good sweater, chloe let me wear it once at hoco bc i was freezing my ass off and it was really comfy. i know it meant a lot to her too

gay™: dear sweater, you may have passed on into the afterlife but this gc will always remember you. you were very comfy, i once spilled like a bottle of soy sauce on you and chloe almost murdered me so,,,,,, you were very loved. and still are since we're having a funeral

jake-a-cake: yes i was there when that happened and we almost had to take michael to the er, you were very loved

jerrybean: why didn't i know about this??

dick: idk man you kinda disappeared for like 3 months after the squipcident

cupid: did you just call it the squipcident

dick: yes, chloe. yes i did

jerrybean: yeah lol i was in the pysch ward bc of the squip

jerrybean: proceed

jake-a-cake: you're just gonna say you were in a pysch ward for 3 months and then move on???

jerrybean: yes

jerrybean: again. proceed.

jake-a-cake: i

jake-a-cake: okay

dick: well i really liked it and i'll take the scraps

canoozle: maybe you could take the scraps and make it into a new sweater??

cupid: THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA CHRIS IM ACTUALLY CRYING

cupid: BROOKE

brookie: yes i can

cupid: I LOVE YOU SM

gay™: pda

cupid: i don't think that word means what you think it means

gay™: was that

cupid: yes

brookie: WERE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY ABOUT THE SWEATER

jerrybean: yes

jerrybean: it was a pretty lit sweater

brookie: aaaaaand we're done

brookie: go in peace, dear sweater. and help me make an even litter sweater

jerrybean: AW YEEEEEES

dick: why did i ever join this chat

brookie: /pm cupid

brookie: i just got the scraps and i'm gonna start on the sweater tonight

cupid: /pm brookie

cupid: thank you so much

cupid: you have no idea how much this means to me

cupid: just. god. i love you so much

brookie: i'd do anything for you, and if it means making a sweater out of the remaining two inches of sweater, it's worth it

brookie: i love you too

brookie: but i'm not having a funeral next time

cupid: who says there'll be a next time??

brookie: have you met you?

cupid: RUDE

brookie: you know i'm right

cupid: it would help if you wouldn't be right all the time

brookie: that's never happening

cupid: i hate you

brookie: love you too boo

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 4 members online]

jake-a-cake: YOURE RIDICULOUS

[jennabun came online]

jennabun: all caps? what did i miss

gay™: OKAY MOONLIGHT WAS GOOD, YAY GAY PEOPLE IM GAY ENOUGH, BUT LA LA LAND'S MUSIC SHOULDVE GIVEN IT THE AWARD

jennabun: okay

jerrybean: they've been ranting for an hour

dick: 63 minutes and 23 seconds, to be exact

jerrybean: we're timing how long we can say random shit until they actually respond

jennabun: ooh fun

jennabun: but wasn't the oscars like 8 months ago?

jerrybean: yep

jake-a-cake: ARE YOU FORGETTING THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IN MOONLIGHT? THERES SO MUCH SYMBOLISM, JUST THAT WOULD OVERRULE LA LA LAND, AND THATS NOT EVEN COUNTING THE STORY 

dick: that doesn't seem to be stopping them

jennabun: honestly i'm not surprised

dick: we've made a bet that whoever can get them to snap out of it first has to buy the other a&w

jennabun: goddamn the stakes are high

jennabun: i'm in. and i'm throwing in shake along with our usual bet

jerrybean: you're confident

jennabun: you know it

gay™: LIKE LA LA LAND DOESN'T HAVE GOOD CINEMATOGRAPHY? HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN THE PLANETARIUM SCENE? THE AUDITION SCENE? PLUS THE STORY IS A REAL LOVE STORY AND ABOUT ARTISTIC STRUGGLES, NOT SOME COMING OF AGE STORY THAT EVERYONES SEEN BEFORE

dick: honestly i think shrek should've won

jennabun: rich that came out in like 2002

dick: so?

dick: it's a good movie

jerrybean: ted cruz is the zodiac killer

dick: ????

jerrybean: michael's a slut for outdated memes

jennabun: who isn't?

jerrybean: very true

jake-a-cake: OH HONEY THAT WAS NOT A REAL LOVE STORY. A REAL LOVE STORY WOULD BE THEM COMMUNICATING, FIRST OFF, AND NEITHER OF THEM ACHIEVING THEIR DREAMS BECAUSE WHO ACTUALLY GOES TO A GODDAMN JAZZ CLUB

jake-a-cake: AT LEAST MOONLIGHT IS REAL AND SHOWS THE PROGRESSION OF ONE PERSON AND THE STRUGGLES OF RACE AND SEXUALITY, NOT SOME WHITE FILM THAT MADE A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS CRY

jennabun: damn 

jennabun: did they ever stop to think that it could be a conspiracy that they mixed up best picture? gets more views when you majorly fuck something up. i mean, when it happened at the world beauty pagent or whatever everyone lost their shit

gay™: HOW DARE

jerrybean: oh?

gay™: IT IS A STORY ABOUT PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS. ITS NOT ALL BLACK AND WHITE. AND HAVE I EVEN MENTIONED THE MUSIC, HOW IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE CHARACTERS AND MAKES IT EVEN MORE REAL, ONLY COMPLIMENTING THE ACTORS AND THE EMOTION IN THEIR SONGS? JUST LOOK AT THE AUDITION SCENE AND COME BACK NOT BEING MOVED AT ALL, I DARE YOU

dick: UGH

dick: i thought we got them

jerrybean: me too

jerrybean: it's time to pull out

jerrybean: *puts on sunglasses*

jerrybean: the big guns

jennabun: never do that again

jerrybean: ;)

jerrybean: our poor, sweet gay that everyone loves, michael theodore mell, once got really drunk at a party and got arrested for underage drinking, disorderly conduct, and attacking an officer 

dick: holy shit??

[cupid came online]

cupid: i saw arrested in my notifs and i had to see what was up

cupid: jeremiah lee heere you best not be fucking with me

cupid: because if this is true.... this is the best goddamn thing i've heard in my life

jerrybean: i assure you i am not

jerrybean: his friend nicole once dragged him to a party, and he drank something with a shit ton of vodka or something and it was like 100% alcohol

jerrybean: so. like. the cops show up at this party and somehow michael trashes their yard and hits the police officer in the head with a baseball bat

jennabun: OH MY GOD

jerrybean: he was mortified and i had to bail him out. to this day his parents still don't know

dick: mikey has a wild side

jennabun: man if that doesn't get them to stop idk what will

jake-a-cake: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS THE MOST STEROTYPICAL MOVIE IVE SEEN. EVEN THE LYRICS, ITS SO HOLLYWOOD. AT LEAST MOONLIGHT IS ACTUALLY MEANINGFUL

jerrybean: now we wait

gay™: DO NOT DISRESPECT LA LA LAND LIKE THIS. JUSTIN HURWITZ IS A GOD AND THE SCORE FITS THE MOVIE PERFECTLY

jerrybean: GODDAMNIT

dick: haha

dick: not even telling their darkest secrets will stop them from arguing

dick: that's commitment

jerrybean: true but i really thought that would work

jake-a-cake: THEN YOU STOP DISRESPECTING MOONLIGHT

jennabun: okay this is my last resort,,, here goes nothing

jennabun: hey michael remember how suicide squad won an oscar?? don't you love that movie??

[jennabun left the chat]

dick: what??

gay™: WE DO NOT SPEAK THAT NAME HERE

jerrybean: YOURE FUCKING KIDDING ME

gay™: SHE CAN COME BACK WHEN SHE BEHAVES

dick: THATS WHAT WORKED??????

jake-a-cake: come on mikey suicide squad isn't that bad

[jake-a-cake left the chat]

gay™: I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS INJUSTICE

dick: dude he's messing with you, jake  hates that movie

gay™: ..................fine

gay™: i'm trusting you richard

[jake-a-cake joined the chat]

jake-a-cake: jared leto is a wonderful actor and the joker x harley quinn is such a good ship

[jake-a-cake left the chat]

gay™: the next person who even dares think about that movie is getting murdered

cupid: aaaaaaaaaaand that's my cue to leave

cupid: adios dudes, michael you need to be more chill

jerrybean: CHILL? WHY TF DID YOU HAVE TO USE CHILL

jerrybean: I AM EMOTIONALLY SCARRED CHLOE YOU CANNOT BRING THESE THINGS UP

cupid: sounds like you need to chill out

[cupid left the chat]

dick: ....okay then

dick: anyways jeremy you and i owe jenna a&w

jerrybean: FUCK ME

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 3 members online]

gay™: hola putas

cupid: i may not know spanish but at least i know what puta means, you bitch

gay™: muy creativa

gay™: es no suprendes tú paraste la classe de espanol

cupid: what

gay™: ¿tú no comprendes?

cupid: no?

gay™: yo veo

gay™: tambíen, tú necesitas dos signos de interrogación

gay™: es muy importante

jerrybean: hun you don't need to make fun of her grammar now

cupid: you know spanish too??

cupid: goddamnit

jerrybean: nosotros debemos poner la palabra chloe en las frases aleatorias

cupid: now you're talking about me?? you're really gonna make me use google translate. really. 

gay™: sí jer. y sí chloe. ¡es obvio!

cupid: i actually hate you

gay™: nosotros amamos tú

jerrybean: no, no me gusta chloe

gay™: ¡no me digas!

jerrybean: nah, yo amo chloe

cupid: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME

gay™: sí, tuviste un enamoramiento pequeño con chloe

jerrybean: ¿¿no??

gay™: ya, tú tuviste mientras brooke fue tus acompañante

cupid: now brooke is in this?? I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HAVE TO LOOK THIS UP IM LEAVING THIS GC

jerrybean: NO NO NO YO

jerrybean: FUCK I DONT REMEMBER THE WORD FOR DIDNT

cupid: join the club

jerrybean: I HATE PAST TENSE

jerrybean: TÚ MINTIENDES

gay™: ;) 

jerrybean: I HATE YOU

gay™: love you mahal

cupid: oh GREAT i just remembered that michael can speak three languages!! great!! two more than i can!!

gay™: oo naman

cupid: i actually hate you

[brookie came online]

brookie: je t'adore, mon chérie

cupid: OH FFS

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 3 members online]

gay™: hello bitches

cupid: i may not know spanish but at least i know what puta means, you bitch

gay™: very creative

gay™: it's not a surprise you dropped out of spanish

cupid: what

gay™: you don't get it?

cupid: no?

gay™: i see

gay™: also, you need two question marks

gay™: it's very important

jerrybean: hun you don't need to make fun of her grammar now

cupid: you know spanish too??

cupid: goddamnit

jerrybean: we should put the word chloe in random sentences

cupid: now you're talking about me?? you're really gonna make me use google translate. really.

gay™: yes jer. and yes chloe. it's obvious

cupid: i actually hate you

gay™: we love you

jerrybean: no, i don't like chloe

gay™: no way!

jerrybean: nah, i love chloe

cupid: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME

gay™: yes, you had a crush on her

jerrybean: ¿¿no??

gay™: ya, you had it while you and brooke were together

cupid: now brooke is in this?? I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HAVE TO LOOK THIS UP IM LEAVING THIS GC

jerrybean: NO NO NO I

jerrybean: FUCK I DONT REMEMBER THE WORD FOR DIDNT

cupid: join the club

jerrybean: I HATE PAST TENSE

jerrybean: YOU ARE LYING

gay™: ;)

jerrybean: I HATE YOU

gay™: love you mahal

cupid: oh GREAT i just remembered that michael can speak three languages!! great!! two more than i can!!

gay™: of course

cupid: i actually hate you

[brookie came online]

brookie: i love you, my dear

cupid: OH FFS

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 5 members online]

[gay™ came online]

gay™: YOOOOOOO

jake-a-cake: michael it's 2 am tf do you want

dick: why are you up at 2 am if you're not willing to put up with random shit

jake-a-cake: ...fine

gay™: AN Y WAYS

gay™: i finished the first draft of a song for chrissy's play and SHIT is it poppin

brookie: i'm just gonna pretend that yoi didn't say that last sentence to preserve our friendship

gay™: you're stone cold, woman

gay™: but do you wanna hear it??

dick: i swear to god michael if you link me to that "what the fuck, richard" vine with the volume x100 i am going to murder you in your sleep

dick: but proceed

gay™: click at your own risk

gay™: jeremystheme.mp4

brookie: MICHAEL THEODORE MELL WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LINK ME TO A REDDIT 50/50 WITH SOME DUDE GETTING BUGS INJECTED INTO HIS DICK

gay™: oops sorry i had it on my clipboard to send to jer

gay™: therealjerstheme.mp4

jake-a-cake: ...holy shit that's actually really good

gay™: it's not the finished product, it needs a lot of work

dick: no seriously that's amazing

gay™: thanks guys

gay™: i want to put it at the beginning of the squip song as well

brookie: the squip song??

brookie: is that bitch in here too?

gay™: oh oops sorry

gay™: it's the song where rich tells jer about the squip. i only have the chorus and hook,,, it's a really stupid song

dick: nO it sounds amazing

jake-a-cake: lemme guess. cause you're in it. 

dick: CAUSE IM IN IT!

jake-a-cake: how'd i know....

dick: you must be really smart

dick: ANYWAYS HOW DOES IT GO

gay™: i only have the lyrics, i haven't recorded anything yet

dick: I STILL WANT TO SEE RICHARD GORANSKI IN ACTION

gay™: ...okay

gay™: i haven't had enough late night conversations with you to know if this is normal or not

jake-a-cake: be glad about that. cause it is

gay™: kay then

gay™: "it's from japan. it's a gray, oblong pill. quantum nano technology cpu. the quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it impants in your brain and tells you what to do..."

gay™: "so it's like... drugs?"

gay™: "it's better than drugs, jeremy. ITS FROM JAPAN"

gay™: you basically scream that last part

dick: AWESOME

dick: screaming? i'm in

brookie: rich you're not actually cast in the play

dick: I CAN LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH MY CHARACTER BROOKLYN

gay™: the idea for the first verse is literally you saying how much you sucked in freshman year

jake-a-cake: that must be a long verse

dick: i don't have to stand for this

gay™: too bad, i'm the one writing the lyrics

dick: goddamnit

Chapter Text

gay™: /pm jerrybean

gay™: hey jer. can we talk?

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: why is there proper capitalization oh my god are you breaking up with me

gay™: nonononononono

gay™: just

gay™: i dont know mahal i just need to talk

jerrybean: of course

jerrybean: what’s up? miss me too much and you had to interupt be during my all-nighter?

gay™: youre doing work? im sorry, i can go

jerrybean: no babe it was a joke

jerrybean: something’s wrong. what is it?

gay™: no you wouldnt get it and wont care, it’s fine

jerrybean: okay micah that is your “i’m planning on killing myself” text tone so if you don’t tell me what’s going on i’m calling 911 and booking a flight to boston

gay™: jesus christ jeremy it’s fine

jerrybean: uh, no it’s not?? you are going to talk to me and not bottle everything up and hurt yourself again

jerrybean: as your boyfriend, best friend, and person who cares about you, i will not allow it

jerrybean: michael theodore mell stop scrolling through tumblr to ignore me

gay™: okay what the actual fuck that’s creepy

jerrybean: you act like i haven’t known you for 14 years

jerrybean: now what’s up??

gay™: fine

gay™: just. my binder shrunk in the wash. and i’ve worn out like 20 of them already and don’t have enough money to buy another and no one else i know does

gay™: and i don’t have any sports bras bc my roommate is lowkey homophobic and probably transphobic and how the hell do i explain owning a sports bra

gay™: i haven’t left my goddamn dorm room in three days

jerrybean: how do you eat?

gay™: i... don’t think i have

jerrybean: oh micah

gay™: i’m sorry i just can’t get the energy to get up

gay™: i can’t even look at myself. i’m disgusting

gay™: i just feel so fucking gross and just. not right. you have no idea how bad it is jer

gay™: everything about me feels so wrong. and horrible. i want to tear my fucking skin off jeremy i cant take this

jerrybean: shh

jerrybean: it’s okay micah

gay™: nono its not none kf thks is okay

jerrybean: come on darling pick up your phone. i’ve called you five times

gay™: i cant jeremy i just cant

gay™: im sk horrible you dont deserve me

jerrybean: micah. you will never be less than the goddamn light of my life, my universe, whatever

jerrybean: and i know it hurts. i know you think everything about you is terrible. but you’re tired and hungry and it only makes that feeling worse. and i know i don’t know what it’s like, but you need to tell me. because i’ll always be here for you and you can get through this

jerrybean: michael. please.

gay™: it hurts so much jer

jerrybean: i know, micah, i know. you just gotta get through this part and you’ll be okay

jerrybean: i promise.

jerrybean: now, please, pick up.

gay™: ookay

[gay™ went offline]

[jerrybean went offline]

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 5 members online]

gay™: hey jer how would you feel about wearing an eminem shirt

jerrybean: no

canoozle: awesome

jerrybean: why are you asking me about an eminem shirt?? isn’t he dead??

canoozle: uh. jeremy what play am i currently writing?

gay™: it’s actually a musical, thank you very much

jerrybean: oh right

jerrybean: i kinda sorta burned that shirt

gay™: damn i forgot about that

gay™: he sent me a picture with no context and i called 911

gay™: good thing bc he almost burnt down the woods behind his house down

canoozle: ????

dick: i heard fire and i’m always game for a good arson story

gay™: okay so

jerrybean: you’re actually telling this? it wasn’t that exciting

gay™: oh but it was

gay™: so. jeremy has a huge-ass backyard. like fit-another-house-in-there kind of huge. maybe even two houses

canoozle: those are called acres, michael

gay™: fine. acres.

gay™: anyways he has a forest that weaves through the neighborhood surrounding his yard. this is after the play, it’s fall, and there’s a hell of a lot of leaves. you could probably fill an olympic-sized swimming pool with the amount of leaves that were in it

dick: i like where this is going

canoozle: of course you do

gay™: his dad made him clean all of the leaves out of the yard and burn them, kind of as a punishment bc we all know jeremy a. doesn’t do physical labor and b. doesn’t go outside

jerrybean: rude

gay™: so he puts all the leaves in a pile by the treeline bc that’s where they always burn leaves, apparently. he has a small pile he’s burning first, then a larger pile that he’ll put in the smaller one with the eminem shirt near it. that’s not really important to the story but i mean you wanted to know how he burned his shirt

gay™: so. it’s worth noting that it was a particularly windy day

canoozle: oh no

dick: oh YES

gay™: anyways it’s really dry and windy and jeremy decides that, of course, this is good day to start a fire! he lights the small one, and it kinda sorta. jumps to the bigger one. and this one is significantly closer to the tree line

gay™: and it kinda. builds. a lot. it’s like 30 feet at this point, and of course jeremy’s not there because why the fuck should you pay attention to a fire on a windy day

jerrybean: HEY i went inside to get water and send that picture to you

jerrybean: and it wasn’t 30 feet, you liar

gay™: uh, yeah it was?? it was on the news, and there are still scorch marks on the trees

jerrybean: there totally isn’t! i would notice tall-ass scorch marks on the trees in my own backyard 

gay™: honey you didn’t notice when your mom left how would you notice scorch marks on trees

jerrybean: okay now that is loW

dick: aw, look at them fighting like an old married couple

jerrybean: SHUT UP RICH

gay™: SHUT UP RICH

gay™: GODDAMNIT

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 8 members online]

gay™: HEY YALL KNOW WHAT DAY IT ALMOST IS

canoozle: bob ross’s birthday?

gay™: well yeah but

jennabun: winona ryder’s birthday

gay™: again, yes, but

brookie: frank ocean’s birthday?

gay™: yEs but seriously

cupid: julia robert’s birthday?

gay™: WOULD YALL CHILL

gay™: ITS FRICKING HALLOWEEN

dick: *almost halloween

gay™: fuck off rich

jake-a-cake: dude why are you so excited for halloween??

gay™: BC ITS THE BEST HOLIDAY

jerrybean: eh. christmas is better

jake-a-cake: agreed

gay™: how dare you disrespect halloween like this. to think that i believed you all were my friends

brookie: don’t worry mikey i’m with you, i always make my costumes and they’re Lit

gay™: yes!! what are you going as??

brookie: edward scissorhands 

gay™: while i do not approve of jonny depp YES bc i love edward scissorhands

jerrybean: do you even,,, realize how backwards that is

gay™: shut up and let me enjoy that movie

gay™: it’s not like you’re going as anything better

jerrybean: EXCUSE ME hawkeye is a perfectly good costume

canoozle: it’s not even hawkeye the superhero it’s hawkeye the guy from m*a*s*h*

jerrybean: c’mon m*a*s*h* is awesome!!

canoozle: ...okay i can’t argue with you on that but other hawkeye is better

jerrybean: if anything, michael is the one with the bad costume

gay™: do not insult mr. robot like this. 

jerrybean: no ones even heard of that show!!

gay™: you’re the only one in this gc that hasn’t watched it

jerrybean: not true

canoozle: well i’ve watched it an i love it

jake-a-cake: me too

rich: i have too and rami is a babe

cupid: i’ve watched it and i second that

brookie: ^^^^^^^^^^

jennabun: tyrell is a dlif in my opinion

brookie: ^^^^^^^^^

cupid: tyrell williams is a gay icon

canoozle: bi actually

cupid: whatever

gay™: see!!

jerrybean: fine you win

jerrybean: anyone else have a costume i can make fun of to reclaim some self esteem?

cupid: i’m going as cheryl blossom

dick: hey!! i’m going as jason!!

jake-a-cake: i wanted us to go as betty and jughead but he refused to be betty

dick: just bc i’m nb doesn’t mean you can automatically put me in a blonde wig and a dress

jake-a-cake: rich. you literally wore a dress yesterday

jerrybean: EXPOSED

dick: ANYONE ELSE WANNA SAY WHAT THEYRE GOING AS

jennabun: i’m going as frenchy

brookie: from grease??

jennabun: hell yeah

brookie: omg yes send me a picture i want to see you with pink curly hair

cupid: what about you, christine??

canoozle: i’m going as wanda and my datemate is going as cosmo!!

dick: 1. that is adorable

dick: 2. SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE A PARTNER

canoozle: i met xem at orientation and we really hit it off!! xyr really sweet

brookie: forgive me if i’m being ignorant but how can you have a partner if you’re asexual?? i’m just. confused

canoozle: well i can still like ppl romantically i just don’t like them. physically. yknow

brookie: oooooooooH i see

brookie: what’s xyr name?

canoozle: eri!! 

brookie: dude you need to introduce us to xym pls

jennabean: yes bc i am now the only single person in this gc and,,,, i don’t know where i was going with that i’m just nosy

canoozle: relatable

canoozle: and i will,,,, eventually

gay™: yo we should have a halloween party and invite eri

jake-a-cake: the last two times we had a halloween party rich burned down my house

dick: we all agreed that it was you once i exposed you

jake-a-cake: shut up

jake-a-cake: anyways my house burned down and the second time, senior year, jeremy got so drunk that he hugged someone and thought he was cheating on michael, then proceeded to call the police and cry to them, prompting them to come to the house and see a bunch of drunk teenagers that had once burned down a house

gay™: wait WHAT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

jerrybean: I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN JACOB

jake-a-cake: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 3 members online]

brookie: yo jer

jerrybean: ye?

cupid: i’ve never seen ye used with a question mark

brookie: me neither

brookie: but anyways

brookie. jeremy. you’re jewish. all about that jew life

jerrybean: i mean yeah,,, i do a lot of stuff i’m not supposed to and i’m not very religious but i like. still believe in stuff y’know

brookie: so you’re like. an agnostic jew

jerrybean: i have no idea what the hell that means but sure, i’ll go with it

jerrybean: was that your question or...?

brookie: no

brookie: even if you’re not all that religious. how is christmas your favorite holiday

jerrybean: darn i was wondering how long i could keep saying that before someone noticed

jerrybean: you ruined my 18 year streak

cupid: lmao

cupid: so you were just joking??

jerrybean: nope

jerrybean: my mom was good friends with michael’s moms when she was still around,,, honestly that’s the only thing she was good for

cupid: JEREMY SHE BIRTHED YOU

jerrybean: SHE WAS A BITCH CHLOE

jerrybean: anyways at the holidays, his moms invited us over for christmas, and my mom, in the one good action she ever committed, said yes and said they had to come over for a day of hannuka

jerrybean: and every year since then, even after my mom left, i spend christmas eve with micah and he spends a day of hannuka with me

cupid: that is so cute oh my god

jerrybean: ye

jerrybean: last year we played a drinking game with spiked eggnog and a dreidel

brookie: oh my god

jerrybean: if hell existed, i would be going there

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 3 members online]

jake-a-cake: ppl keep asking me if using a wheelchair as part of my costume imma stab a bitch

dick: hun no we don’t need a repeat of mr. i can heal you

jennabun: is that what we’re calling him now?

dick: idk i just thought of something

jennabun: damn i was going for mr. cthulu

jake-a-cake: mr. cthulu?

jennabun: ye bc i sounds like he’s part of a cult

jake-a-cake: do you know anything about cthulu?

jennabun: absolutely nothing

jennabun: it just sounds like a cult

dick: you’re probably not wrong

jake-a-cake: i have no hope for either of you

jennabun: as you should

dick: heY he’s my boyfriend he should have faith in me

jake-a-cake: i have you as a datemate. i beg to differ

jennabun: damn

jennabun: ANWAYS jake what are you going as for halloween?? you never told us

jake-a-cake: oh lmao

jake-a-cake: it’s embarrasing

dick: jacob dillinger. you went on for an hour telling me how excited you were for it

jake-a-cake: not for an hour, you liar

dick: i recorded you. if you could’ve stood up and jumped around the room you would’ve

jennabun: that’s adorable

jake-a-cake: shut up

jennabun: but seriously what is it??

dick: he’s the transvestite from rocky horror picture show

jennabun: HOLY SHIT YOURE KIDDING ME

jake-a-cake: ????

jennabun: THAT IS MY FAVORITE FUCKIN MOVIE

jake-a-cake: oh my goddD

jake-a-cake: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE HERE THAT KNEW ABOUT IT

jennabun: FUCK NO IVE WATCHED THAT SO MANY TIMES

jennabun: FRANK IS THE BEST CHARACTER

jake-a-cake: YES.

jake-a-cake: I GOT HIS JACKET AND EVERYTHING!!! 

jennabun: OMGOMGOMG YES

dick: y’all are adorable

jake-a-cake: sshhhHhJhHHHHH

jennabun: omg

jennabun: jake is this your way of coming out?

jake-a-cake: ....undecided

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 8 members online]

brookie: y’all i got pretty much everyone’s outifts down for chris’ play

gay™: really?? what are they like?

brookie: well jeremy has a striped shirt and that goddamn cardigan

jerrybean: that is a good cardigan, thank you very much

brookie: i gave michael this awesome hoodie with a bunch of patches and a huge-ass pair of headphones

gay™: i need to see the hoodie. mine is old and boring

brookie: okay so these are only the patches. there’s also a pride, nasa, and pac-man patch. i’m also trying to make an apocolypse of the damned one, cause that’s the name of the game you two love

brookie: mrmellshoodie.jpg

gay™: 1. why can’t you just use legend of zelda @ christine

gay™: 2. HOLY SHIT THATS AMAZING I NEED IT ONCE YOURE DONE WITH IT IN YOUR PLAY

brookie: it even has part of a joy divison cover on the back. the wavy one

gay™: HELL YES

gay™: it’s unknown pleasures

brookie: yes that one

canoozle: i love it so much thank you brooke

canoozle: it fits michael so well!! i know what to get him for christmas now

gay™: ...pls

canoozle: but mikey how is the music going?

jerrybean: he has been talking to me about it for an hour. it’s adorable

gay™: shhhh

jerrybean: no seriously he sang me a part from michael in the bathroom and then had to stop bc he was smiling too much. it’s so good and so cute

gay™: shut uppppppp

jerrybean: i do this bc i love you

gay™: i wish you wouldn’tttttttttt

dick: kay i just hopped in what’s michael and the bathroom

jake-a-cake: me too

brookie: they come back at the same time... suspicious

cupid: me three

gay™: oh how the turntables

jerrybean: I JUST SNORTED

jennabun: oh jeremy

dick: anyyyyyways what tf is “michael in the bathroom”? like i know you had a panic attack in a bathroom but we all have

jake-a-cake: rich that’s rude

dick: just telling it how it is

gay™: no it’s just a song in christine’s play. the one where i have a panic attack in a bathroom

cupid: how does it go?

jerrybean: it’s so fucking catchy i’ve been humming it all day

gay™: STOP IM BLUSHING

jerrybean: thats what i was put on this earth to do. i can die in peace now

dick: wholesome

cupid: HEY THATS MY THING

jake-a-cake: anyways! give us a snippet

gay™: i don’t have anything recorded that i’ve transported to this computer but i can give you part of the lyrics

gay™: this is the end part

gay™: “wish i stayed at home in bed watching cable porn, or wish i offed myself instead, wish i was never born. oh, i’m just michael; who’s a loner, so he must be a stoner. rides a p.t. cruiser, god! he’s such a loser. michael flyin’ solo, who you think that you know

gay™: “michael in the bathroom by himself, all by himself (x2) and all you know about me is my name. awesome party, i’m so glad i came.”

dick: that’s ... really sad

jake-a-cake: agreed

gay™: what?

jennabean: i mean you got the panic attack feeling down,,, but it is really sad for us

canoozle: you really wanted to die?

gay™: i mean... yeah

cupid: since when? i didn’t know this

brookie: what chloe said but in a gentler way

gay™: you didn’t?

gay™: i tried to kill myself a few times, did you guys not know?

brookie: WTF NO

canoozle: this is news for us michael!!

gay™: i... thought i told you

jerrybean: no, i was the only one you told

jerrybean: i was the one you adressed your letter to 3 out of the 4 times

dick: THERE WAS FOUR TIMES????

jerrybean: yeah

gay™: i... don’t get what the big deal us

jake-a-cake: michael. we are all your friends. and you just told us you tried to kill yourself four times

jennabun: it’s a bit,,, no a lot of a shock

gay™: i guess i didn’t think it was that big of a deal

canoozle: nonono this is a very big of a deal

gay™: ii’m sorry

jake-a-cake: i mean it’s fine, but when

gay™: uh, twice soohmore year, once junior nd once senio r

dick: senior year??

brookie: senior year?

cupid: senior year?

gay™: yeaah? summer of

gay™: you were all on tthat class of 2016 roadtri p

canoozle: oh my god

jennabun: that’s why jeremy left

gay™: yeab

jerrybean: /pm canoozle, jake-a-cake, jennabun, dick, cupid, brookie

jerrybean: y’all you’re overwhelming him

dick: /pm canoozle, jake-a-cake, jennabun, jerrybean, cupid, brookie

dick: how do you know?

jerrybean: he doesn’t like talking about this

jerrybean: and he makes typos when he’s crying

dick: oh shit

dick: shit we made him cry?

jerrybean: yep

dick: i feel so bad

dick: /pm IN CON CIEVABLE

dick: yo michael, i just realized, are we overwhelming you a bit?

gay™: yeah a bit

canoozle: we’ll stop questioning you

brookie: but just know you can come to us for anything, okay?

cupid: any of us. we mean it

gay™: thank you

gay™: and okay

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: hey. you okay?

gay™: /pm jerrybean

gay™: yeah i guess

gay™: they all just kept freaking out and asking questions and i don’t want to think about that anymore because then i just think of you

gay™: it was just a lyric

jerrybean: micah i’m so sorry to ask, but why do you think of me

gay™: i just

gay™: because every memory i have of suicide is with you. that time when you ran to my house in eight grade because i told you i found a bottle of pain killers and was gonna take them. or when in sophmore year you wrapped my arms in ace bandages and called 911 like twenty times. and later that year when yelled at me

gay™: do you remember that? whenever we talk about that attempt you never bring that up. but you were screaming, jeremy, you were screaming and sobbing  and begging to be let into my hospital room because i had flatlined and doctors were running in and out and you thought you lost me. you were scratching at your skin until it bled and begging for it to be you instead and i could see you, mahal, i could see you. i don’t know how but i did

gay™: and then there was junior year where you fucking whipped me with a piece of rope because “michael mell, you fucking idiot, how DARE you do this. i better not see you with a piece of rope around your neck because when you die, i’m going along with you”

gay™: or senior year when you drove across the country and cried by my bedside and i pretended to be sleeping. cause i didn’t know how to face you. you held my hand the entire night and that was the first time that you kissed me after an attempt. and it somehow made everything okay

gay™: but i hate it. i hate thinking about those times because then i think about you. you, the one thing that all the shitty things in my life could never corrupt. the countless times you saved me, and you don’t deserve to be associated with that memory. but you are. and then there was the one time where you were the reason, when i was having a panic attack in a goddamn bathroom, and i will never forgive myself for it.

jerrybean: michael

jerrybean: i’m so fucking sorry

jerrybean: i didn’t think you would know that one time in sophmore year, i didn’t want you to feel bad

jerrybean: but i was the reason? even if it was once, i was the reason?

gay™: yeah

jerrybean: sinta im so fucking sorry

jerrybean: i never, ever, ever want anything bad to happen to you. and that goddamn squip may have caused all of this to happen, but i’m the one who told it to let me ignore you. and look wherre that got me

jerrybean: i never wanted any of this to happen. i was your protector. i still am, i try my absolute fucking hardest to protect you even if you don’t ask for it. but i will do anything i have to so i can make up for the fact that i was the reason

jerrybean: i’m so sorry michael. i’m so sorry

gay™: you know what you can do to make it up to me?

jerrybean: i will do anything micah, i swear

gay™: just keep being the jeremy i love

gay™: we don’t need to think about it, it’s all in the past. all you need to remember is how much i love you

gay™: because i love you so much, and there is nothing you could do for me to hate you

jerrybean: i love you too

jerrybean: so goddamn much

jerrybean: and i’m so sorry

gay™: i know. but we don’t have to worry about it

gay™: now call me so i can sing you to sleep

jerrybean: we’re still doing this?

gay™: i’ll do anything for the boy i love

jerrybean: and i the same

[gay™ went offline]

[jerrybean went offline]

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 5 members online]

gay™: hey jer remember that time you jerked off to my voice

jake-a-cake: rich grab the popcorn

dick: already on it

jerrybean: you’re a fucking liar michael mell

cupid: 1. oh my god i cannot wait to hear this

cupid: 2. rich and jake. are you two together?

dick: yep, i drive up there every once and awhile cause i have all morning classes on fridays

dick: plus. by some miracle. my profs yesterday were sick/gone and my friend facetimed me during my lecture today so i can hang out with jake

cupid: sure, your profs were sick, suuuuure

jake-a-cake: they were actually lol

jake-a-cake: and their prof asked why he could hear somone singing something from a “badly written musical”

jake-a-cake: big surprise, it was rich

dick: and for the record it was in the heights. good musical. 10/10 lin is a genius

gay™: okay fun cool and agreed but i need to

gay™: *puts on glasses* spill some tea

cupid: oh please do

jerrybean: whatever he says is a FUCKING LIE

jake-a-cake: suuuure

gay™: okay y’all. jeremiah heere. chronic masturabator all of high school, and also had a massive crush on me

jerrybean: he lies already

cupid: really? bc i believe it all

jerrybean: well i did jerk off a lot until the squip fried me and destroyed my sex drive. and i didn’t really know i had a crush on him until after the squip

dick: like my bi thing?

jerrybean: exactly like your bi thing

jerrybean: but mikey which time are we talking about

jake-a-cake: oh damn we need more popcorn rich

gay™: no don’t it’s an inside joke

cupid: what??

jerrybean: a long story for another time

jerrybean: but michael still will be lying as he continues just for the record

cupid: you’re covering your ass so hard, jeremiah heere

gay™: but ANYWAYS

gay™: so like. he calls me and he sounds all kind of outta breath and he says, and i quote

gay™: “hey mikey, missed you and just wanted to hear your voice”

gay™: the kid saw me three hours ago

cupid: jeremy you’re not good at this whole “smooth thing”

jake-a-cake: your mac daddy game couldn’t be more limp

jake-a-cake: but like mac daddy when it comes to men. mac 2nd dad?

gay™: OH MY GOD IM USING THAT

dick: what do you have to cover for yourself jeremy?

jerrybean: i’m a very skinny and unathletic person

jerrybean: i get out of breath walking up stairs

jake-a-cake: relatable

rich: jake

jake-a-cake: i said nothing richard

cupid: so did you just walk up your stairs?

jerrybean: yes! cause i had to go all the way down to the basement to grab my phone and walk up two flights to get to my room

cupid: how long did this short of breath-ness go on for, michael?

gay™: pretty much the whole call, especially towards the end, where he hung up saying “hey, i gotta go” and just. hung up

dick: things aren’t lookin good for you jer

jerrybean: i have asthma and my father was calling me down to dinner. there

gay™: your dad didn’t cook! 

jerrybean: my squip made me go

gay™: kid this was before you had a squip

dick: oooooooooh boyo

cupid: jer’s screwed

jake-a-cake: agreed

cupid: does jerry even have asthma?

gay™: no

dick: what do you have to say for yourself, jeremy?

jerrybean: all evidence is circumstantial and it is a constitutionally held right to remain silent

jerrybean: and to have a lawyer

cupid: oh you’ll be needing one honey

Chapter Text

dick: /pm jake-a-cake

dick: jake

dick: jakey wake up

dick: please i need help

[jake-a-cake came online]

jake-a-cake: /pm dick

jake-a-cake: rich it’s like 3 am what the fuck do you

jake-a-cake: oh

jake-a-cake: what’s wrong?? are you okay??

dick: nonono it’s fine you can go back to sleep

dick: i don't need anything it’s okay i’m sorry i bothered you

jake-a-cake: rich, i’m your boyfriend, you can come to me for anything

jake-a-cake: and above that, i’m your friend. and i care about you. so what’s wrong

dick: everything hurts

jake-a-cake: are you safe? did you relapse?

jake-a-cake: cause if you did i’m not mad i just... need to know. i need to know you’re safe

dick: it wasn’t anything bad 

dick: it’s fine

jake-a-cake: rich.

dick: it’s just. i cut my hand on a doorframe and it started bleeding and it hurt but... it was good

dick: but now i want to do it again, i need that feeling because my scars hurt so fucking much

dick: it’s like i’m still in that house, still screaming while flames ate at me. it hurts so fucking much

dick: i want to tear my skin off i need to

jake-a-cake: rich

dick: jake i can’t handle this anymore i need to i’m sorry i’m sorry

jake-a-cake: richie.

jake-a-cake: put that fucking knife down.

dick: what?

jake-a-cake: i know you well enough to know that you’re holding a knife to your wrist right now

jake-a-cake: put. it. down.

jake-a-cake: i don’t care how much you want to, you’re not going to. you’re not going to because you’re stronger than that. you’re stronger than the seventeen year old kid who wore long sleeves for months because they were hiding something. you’re stronger than the kid who wasn’t able to wear their favorite shirt for the fear that someone would judge their scars.

jake-a-cake: you’re stronger than the kid that held a knife to their wrist and pushed down. you don’t have to be them anymore.

jake-a-cake: please, richie. do it for you, because you know you don’t have to. you can get through this. and i’ll be there for you.

jake-a-cake: i’ll get out of my chair and walk to you

jake-a-cake: okay?

dick: okay.

dick: i put the knives in a lockbox, it would take me awhile to get them

dick: thank you jakey

jake-a-cake: that’s what i’m here for

jake-a-cake: you never need to go through this alone again. that house, those scars, they’re all behind us.

jake-a-cake: it’s just you and me

dick: just you and me

dick: i like the sound of that

jake-a-cake: of course, bc i said it

dick: you’re an idiot

dick: i love you.

jake-a-cake: i love you too

jake-a-cake: now call me i’m all awake and i want to talk to you

dick: no my voice is gross rn

jake-a-cake: mine is too. we’ll be gross together

dick: you’re lucky i love you

[dick went offline]

[jake-a-cake went offline]

Chapter Text

[IN CON CIEVABLE currently has: 6 members online]

gay™: yo. ppl with uteruses

cupid: i have been summoned?

brookie: that’s me

christine: i thought it was uteri

jennabun: i think it’s either way??

jake-a-cake: why did you say people with uteruses? couldn’t you just say

jake-a-cake: oh wait nvm i answered my own question

cupid: jeez jake transphobic much?

jake-a-cake: I REALIZED MY MISTAKE CHLOE

gay™: ...you tried

gay™: also jake you don’t have a uterus why are you here

jake-a-cake: damn am i not welcomed in my own gc?

jennabun: jeremy made it

jake-a-cake: i mean this in a loving way but jesus christ i wish you didn’t know everything all the time

jennabun: i get that a lot

gay™: this is the uterus bros or other hoes

gay™: you are not a uterus bro

brookie: oh my god

[brookie changed the conversation name to: uterus bros and other hoes]

canoozle: honestly just put a comma after uterus in mike’s last message and it gets 10% better

cupid: holy shit

jake-a-cake: okay i realize i am not a uterus, bro

jake-a-cake: i will watch and give witty insight when needed

canoozle: oh, it won’t be

cupid: DAMN CHRISTINE COMING OUT HERE WITH THOSE SICK BURNS

cupid: SOMEONE GET SOME ALOEEEEE

gay™: ...wtf

gay™: ANYWAYS my duderesses with uteruses

jennabun: it only gets better

gay™: how does one deal with cramps when i’m too broke to get ibuprofen

brookie: it’s like 10 bucks and don’t you have a nurse or medic or something??

gay™: 1. i am broke as fuck and do not have 10 bucks. any money i have rn i need for food

gay™: 2. we do but they’re scary

jennabun: relatable but mikey, why do you have cramps?? don’t those go away after awhile when you’re on t?

gay™: yea usually but my body hasn’t really gotten the memo that, hey, maybe my fucking uterus should MAYBE, IDK, FUCKING STOP TRYING TO KILL ME

canoozle: i knew that’s what it was trying to do

jennabun: it’s a widely accepted fact at this point

gay™: but seriously pls give me help bc they hurt really bad?? like they’ve always been just uncomfortable but for some reason they hurt like a bitch. and i have a pretty high pain tolerance. i had to email my profs bc i can’t go to class it hurts so bad

cupid: okay so stop holding your breath

gay™: doesn’t that help tho? 

cupid: you wanna get more fucked up?

brookie: listen kid. you may not get bad cramps often but we do. so you best listen to us if you want help

canoozle: actually i don’t get cramps

brookie: okay except for this luck son of  a bitch christine over here who has never gotten cramps bc god looked upon her and said “yeah. i’ll make her the bitch with no cramps that everyone complains about”

jake-a-cake: is it your time of the month?

[jake-a-cake left the chat]

brookie: okay now that that’s done

canoozle: i was slightly offended but that makes up for it omg i love you

brookie: love you too boo

cupid: no but seriously. heating pad.

jennabun: heating pads are the best goddamn invention

brookie: honestly i’m surprised they don’t market them for ppl with periods

gay™: i don’t have a heating pad

jennabun: hot water bottle works too

gay™: sweet

gay™: what else?

cupid: pressure points

brookie: dark chocolate

jennabun: hot baths

brookie: camomile tea 

cupid: stretch

jennabun: put your legs underneath you like you’re kneeling and lean forward

brookie: that one’s good

brookie: drink water

cupid: drink water

jennabun: drink water

gay™: wait, i’m not sure, should i drink water?

cupid: you’re such a little shit mikey

gay™: ;)

gay™: no but seriously thank you guys cause i’ve been dying all day

jennabun: we’ve gotchu

brookie: that’s what the period pals are for 

cupid: can we trademark that?

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

jerrybean: yo rich. what's 2/150 * 2.5 

dick: .034

cupid: okay hold up there's some witchcraft going on here

cupid: rich. just answered that in like 5 seconds

cupid: how the fuc

jerrybean: they're basically a walking calculator

canoozle: you're gonna need to provide some context?

jerrybean: somethin with their squip i think

dick: yeah, i was already good at math but my squip taught me how to do equations really quickly and improve my memory

dick: i basically have a dumbed down version of sherlock's mind palace

cupid: man i want a mind palace

cupid: maybe i should get a squip

jerrybean: okay yeah have fun destroying your school and spending months in a psych ward bc there was a voice in your head telling you what to do

cupid: ...point taken

canoozle: okay but the real question is. what does your mind palace look like

dick: jake's old house. the one that got burned down

canoozle: why that one? isn't your mind palace thing supposed to be someplace you know really well

dick: yes

canoozle: so....?

jerrybean: chrissy.

canoozle: oh

dick: yeah i spent most of my time at jake's house before it burned. things weren't very good at my house y'know

canoozle: i guess

dick: but anyways i know the most random shit now. there's a closet of random things i may need to know at some point

dick: try me out boyos

cupid: what's the pythagorean thereum  

jerrybean: wtf is that. it sounds made up

dick: a^2 + b^2 = c^2

jerrybean: or not

canoozle: jerm you were in honors geometry

jerrybean: i only passed that class bc i cheated off of you in tests

canoozle: ........

canoozle: you're doomed without me

jerrybean: true

canoozle: ooh but i have one

canoozle: what is dolokhov?

cupid: what's a dolokhov

dick: anatole's friend, a crazy good shot. also not that important

dick: and dolokhov is fierce, helene is a slut, anatole is hot, marya is old-school, sonya is good, natasha is young, and andre isn't here

dick: that one was easy. i knew that entire song by heart before i had a squip

dick: i introduced it to you!

canoozle: welp

jerrybean: how do we know you're not looking this up

cupid: he responded within 30 seconds

jerrybean: okay true

jerrybean: oh wait here's one

jerrybean: what did i say to you the first time i met you

dick: "sorry i slapped your dick"

cupid: OKAY CONTEXT PLEASE

canoozle: good thing jake isn't here he would mcflip

jerrybean: i accidentally slapped his dick

canoozle: is that a thing people do? 

jerrybean: no. cause it was an accident

cupid: i'm still not catching on

dick: he just accidentally slapped my dick man. it happens

cupid: OKAY BUT HOW

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

gay™: opinion: jeremiah lee heere is the world’s best fuckin boyfriend

jake-a-cake: opinion: richard laurence goranski smashes jeremy’s ass when it comes to world’s best fuckin partner

jennabun: don’t take jake’s text out of context

jake-a-cake: fuck

gay™: okay but rich doesn’t count?? they’re a datemate, not a boyfriend

jake-a-cake: they both have dicks

gay™: okay well ur not wrong

gay™: but jeremy is still better you fuck

jake-a-cake: HOW

gay™: he just. is. he’s the most supportive and kind person ever

jake-a-cake: so is rich! they always make me laugh and while they can be supportive to almost a fault, they’re not hesitant to kick your ass back in line when you’re doing something stupid

jake-a-cake: jeremy dissolves in tears every time he says something even remotely mean or commanding

gay™: okay but we can blame the squip for that. it made jer manipulate people and he’s basically terrified he’ll do it again. so he does everything to build you up

gay™: he sits and listens to me swear profusely while i’m writing music (cause i fuck up a lot) just because he doesn’t want to miss anything and wants to be supportive. but rich can be too hyper sometimes to just be. there

jake-a-cake: the squip is also to blame there. it made rich “chill out” instead of letting him be all bubbly and hyper and just. rich. like they used to be. 

jake-a-cake: they’ll cheer you on for as long as you need it (and longer) and on the times where i feel like shit they’re there for me. maybe not in a jeremy kinda way, but i’ll call them and listen to them whistle while they’re doing homework and there’s nothing more comforting than that

jake-a-cake: i love that they’re hyper. i love that their hair color changes like every week because it’s just them. it’s rich. it took forever to get that rich back and i’m sure as hell not losing it

gay™: /pm jake-a-cake

gay™: shit jake what you just said got me thinking

gay™: oh shit shit shit shit shit shIT

jake-a-cake: /pm gay™

jake-a-cake: what????

gay™: this is a very not good situation. the goddamn definition of not good

jake-a-cake: can you tell me what the hell is happening??

gay™: okay. so i’ve been writing music forever. and i usually call jeremy because he gives me advice

jake-a-cake: oh god

gay™: he always gives me commentary. he’s always been supportive and shit but he’s been. quiet. he’s naturally quiet but gets louder once you know him. these last few months, on literally everything he usually banters with me with he’s been quiet

gay™: jake he hasn’t been this quiet when he was talking to me since junior year

jake-a-cake: shit

jake-a-cake: what does this mean?

gay™: i

gay™: i think it means that the squip is back and he didn’t tell me.

Chapter Text

jake-a-cake: oh fuck

jake-a-cake: why would he not tell you?

gay™: i don’t know!

gay™: he tells me everything and after that one time there’s no fucking way he can survive with the squip for long

gay™: he tried to kill himself the first time it happened

gay™: SHIT THIS IS REALLY NOT GOOD SITUATION

gay™: fuck jake what do i do

jake-a-cake: call him. if we’re right, none of us can risk it. too many people love him to just stand back and watch this happen to him

gay™: you’re right

gay™: do you have like 50 bucks to spare?

jake-a-cake: ...why??

gay™: i have a bad feeling i’m going to need a plane ticket.

Call Log 11/22/17 - Span: 0:05:01

0:00:00 - jer: Hey, what’s up?

0:00:06 - mikey: Nothing much. Are you okay?

0:00:16 - jer: Yeah. Is that what you called about? I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m fine.

0:00:30 - mikey: Who the hell says sentiment anymore?

0:00:36 - jer: Educated people, unlike yourself.

0:00:45 - mikey: Very funny. I’m laughing my ass off right now.

0:01:03 - mikey: But, seriously, Jer. This isn’t your typical brand of humor. Well it kind of is, but the delivery is off. Like you’re reading it off something.

0:01:27 - mikey: Goddamnit, you know what I mean.

0:01:32 - jer: I really don’t.

0:01:40 - mikey: Okay, Jeremy, cut the bullshit. I know your SQUIP is back.

0:02:07 - mikey: Hello? 

0:02:19 - mikey: You still there?

0:02:25 - jer: Yeah.

0:02:30 - mikey: You wanna explain what’s going on?

0:02:37 - jer: Not really.

0:02:41 - mikey: Ay dios mio, Jeremy. Usually I’d be nicer but you’re worrying me.

0:02:50 - jer: I’m sorry.

0:03:00 - mikey: Did the SQUIP tell you to say that?

0:03:11 - jer: Maybe.

0:03:15 - mikey: Oh my god, Jeremy, go drink some Mountain Dew Red!

0:03:30 - jer: I can’t.

0:03:34 - mikey: Okay, what? I just... what? Why can’t you?

0:03:49 - jer: He says I can’t, he’ll- shit!

0:03:58 - mikey: What? What’s wrong? Are you okay, Jer?

0:04:04 - jer: Yeah, he just sh- would you fucking stop?

0:04:11 - mikey: Excuse me?

0:04:15 - jer: Not you, th- okay would you fucking shut up for maybe five seconds?

0:04:24 - mikey: Jeremy, that really doesn’t sound good. Are you okay?

0:04:31 - jer: He’s telling me to say yeah, but...

0:04:45 - jer: Yeah, I’m fine.

0:04:49 - mikey: You’re lying.

0:04:51 - jer: He, uh... can I text you?

0:04:57 - mikey: Please do.

0:05:01 - jer disconnected the call

gay™: /pm jerrybean 

gay™: okay, may i ask, what the fuck is going on

gay™: this isn’t good i’m really worried jer. i can’t let anything bad happen to you again

jerrybean: /pm gay™

jerrybean: he’s trying to get me to block you

jerrybean: he’s also really fucking loud i cant talk or think

jerrybean: fuxk mikey hes gonna make me

jerrybean: i thought i could handle it i dont wanna bother yku and put you through that again

gay™: it’s okay mahal

gay™: please tell me what’s happening. i  can’t help if i don’t know what’s happening

gay™: it’s okay jeremy. it’ll be okay

jerrybean: no it wont it wont i fucked everything up again

jerrybean: i didnt tell you. i didn’t tell you that he was there in the hospital he was telling me wverything to say i dont even think i was there

jerrybean: it doesnt feel like im here and now hes threatening to take over and kve been fighting him for so long mikey

jerrybean: it hurtsithurts it hurts i havent slept in so long bc he csnt take over i can feel him trying to but i canticanticant

jerrybean: hes gonna make me hurt you and i cant hurt you id rather die

jerrybean: my arms fucking hurt

gay™: shh its okay. it’s okay mahal we’ll fix this

gay™: why do your arms hurt?

jerrybean: hes being a fucking cunt

gay™: reasonable

gay™: is

gay™: is that it?

jerrybean: i mean

jerrybean: im so sorry mikey

gay™: its okay

gay™: please don’t worry about it jer, we can fix that later

jerrybean: no we cant michael im so sorry i messed everyhint up i cant

gay™: yes you can. he won’t control you jeremy

jerrybean: yes yes he will hes gonna take me over and go and hurt you and everythings gonna be fucked up nd hes gonna leave and im gonna have tk dral with all of it

jerrybean: he says its all part of the plan to make me popular and he has to get rid of you

jerrybean: i dont even wanna be popular but i think hes glitching and thinks since he couldnt get rid of you the first time hell have to kill you

jerrybean: i canticanticanticanticant

gay™: you can. please, i know theres mt dew red in your mini fridge. go get it

jerrybean: iokay

jerrybean: mich shitgsu hes

jerrybean: hes tyeing

jerrybean: nevermind.

gay™: what??

jerrybean: i’m fine. 

gay™: the fuck you arent what the fuck is going on

jerrybean: jake and i set it up, it was a joke, just to scare you. it went too far. i’m sorry, michael.

gay™: i

gay™: i don’t believe you

gay™: you’re a fucking liar

jerrybean: no, i’m not.

gay™: what if i ask jake?

jerrybean: i’m sure he would agree.

gay™: you fucker

gay™: what did you do with jeremy

jerrybean: nothing. i am jeremy?

gay™: i can’t believe i’m talking to a squip over text 

gay™: what the fuck did you do with him

jerrybean: fine. you saw through my disguise. jeremy fought back too much for me to try to stop him from explaining our... situation. 

jerrybean: he said too much. i am simply trying to control the damage.

gay™: what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

jerrybean: i am simply trying to get jeremy to meet his goal, so he is popular.

gay™: so that involves killing me?

jerrybean: like i said, i am simply trying to help jeremy. my past attempts did not work, so i am afraid i have to resort to desperate measures.

gay™: who the hell made you because i need to file a complaint

jerrybean: i cannot say.

gay™: okay, you know what? let go of my fucking boyfriend. he doesn’t deserve the shit you put him through, no one does. he is popular. he has good friends. he’s dating his crush. so just. stop.

jerrybean: you are lying.

jerrybean: he is not popular by any means. his friends are dismissive and hurtful. and he is not dating his crush, that was always the one you call christine.

gay™: you’re such a bad liar

jerrybean: it is the truth.

jerrybean: i would show you his memories and thoughts if possible.

jerrybean: all signs po

jerrybean: tmwoicjh thike obimviohuere

gay™: jeremy?

gay™: jeremy are you okay?

gay™: jeremy please

gay™: please tell me you’re okay, i can’t do this without you, you’re so much more than your squip

jerrybean: hhply shit

gay™: jer?

jerrybean: yeah yeah  ime here

jerrybean: holy fukk

jerrybean: im kiterally vibratin g

gay™: it’s okay. 

gay™: is he gone?

jerrybean: i rhink so

gay™: how can i be sure?

jerrybean: becauze theres no annoyin g ass head im ny head and i love you andk nor christinw

jerrybean: well like i so but no t thatt way

gay™: that sounds like the jeremy i know

gay™: im so sorry for everything that happened

jerrybean: no i a m

gay™: don’t worry about it.

gay™: call me? we can talk about our holiday plans if you need a distraction

jerrybean: yeahh if laike that

jerrybean: i git you a bomb ass xmas preasnat

gay™: awesome

gay™: do you know how much i love you?

jerrybean: i can guess

jerrybean: now c all? my atms rlly duckin huet

gay™: i’d believe it.

[gay™ went offline]

[jerrybean went offline]

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 5 members online]

gay: YOOOOOOOOOOO

gay: AHAHAHSHSH JEREMIAH HEERE IS THE BEST FUCKIN BOYFRIEND

cupid: what’d he get you

gay: A BARITONE UKULELE

gay: AND LIKE A GOOD ONE

cupid: that’s so cute

brookie: agreed like wtf i haven’t seen mike freak out over anything he’s gotten before

jerrybean: he’s wanted one forever but he’s broke af

gay: he tells the truth

jerrybean: he’s sitting next to me with the biggest smile on his face. i think he’s almost crying

gay: I AM CAUSE THIS IS SO FUCKIN NICE I LOVE YOU

cupid: this is so cute wtf

brookie: agreed

brookie: wait i thought you guys did xmas eve together not day??  

jerrybean: yeah but my flight was delayed so i didn’t get back until today

jerrybean: plus chanukkah’s already over so we’re just hanging out all day today

cupid: wtf is a chanukkah

brookie: LMAO

brookie: chloe you uncultured swine

cupid: what??? why is there a c??

gay: it’s another way of spelling it

cupid: am i the only one who didn’t know that??

jerrybean: yes

gay: yes

brookie: yes

jake-a-cake: yes

cupid: you’re here??

jake-a-cake: pfft yeah i just didn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation

cupid: hm

cupid: where’s rich??

jake-a-cake: getting eggnog and tequila

brookie: oh my god

cupid: that’s such a rich thing to do i love them

brookie: same

jake-a-cake: same

cupid: we know

jake-a-cake: speak of the devil they’re here

jake-a-cake: adios sorry if i drunk text you

jake-a-cake: feliz navidad everyone and feliz chanukkah jer

jerrybean: thx b

[jake-a-cake went offline]

jerrybean: anyways what did

jerrybean: HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT

jerrybean: HOLY FUCKING SHIT OH MY GOD

jerrybean: HOLY FUCK

cupid: are you typing all this

gay: he has voice to text on

jerrybean: OH MY GOD

gay: he’s lowkey  hyperventilating

brookie: what’d you get him

jerrybean: MICHAEL YOU FUCKER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

gay: i uh

gay: got him a ring

cupid: YOURE FUCKING WITH ME

brookie: NO FUCKING WAY

[jake-a-cake came online]

jake-a-cake: he’s not, he texted me a few months back freaking out bc he blew his savings on a ring and was worried jeremy wouldn’t want it even though he literally said yes to a not proposal

gay: he’s crying rn

jerrybean: YES BC IM FUCKING DYING MICHAEL THEODORE MELL YOU FUCKER OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD

jerrybean: ITS SO PRETTY

cupid: WAIT WAIT WAIT I REMEMBER THAT

cupid: didn’t you say you were gonna wait until after college??

gay: yeah but it’s kinda been an inside joke that i’d propose to him at any time

gay: it just kinda worked out

gay: plus yeah lmao we’re stupid teenagers we’re not gonna get married until after college

jerrybean: we’ve talked about this a lot but still AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

jerrybean: we just kinda agreed on it but we never actually had physical conformation

gay: we’re just two gays in love

cupid: that’s really fucking sweet

brookie: agreed

jerrybean: my gift is shit compared to yours now mike 

gay: shhhhhhdhh i love it

gay: and you

jerrybean: how are your moms gonna react?

gay: they gave me the idea

jerrybean: no shit oh my god

jerrybean: what about my dad?? like i know he loves you but he might be

jerrybean: wait

jerrybean: you fucking asked for his blessing didn’t you

gay: ...

cupid: answer the question michael i need this quality content

gay: yes

jerrybean: THATS WHY HE WAS SMILING SO MUCH THIS MORNING THAT FUCKER

brookie: you two are such a power couple honestly

gay: we know

jerrybean: we know

jerrybean: michael’s been pining for ten years and me for like 5 how could we not

gay: we’re just two stupid teenagers in love so yes power couple

jerrybean: one that’s getting married in like four years

gay: lmao yeah

gay: we’re going to a courthouse i’m so far in debt

jerrybean: agreed

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 8 members online]

gay: y’all i found such a nice song

canoozle: i can’t wait to hear it but hold up a sec

dick: where’d the tm go??

cupid: ^^^^^^

gay: not rlly feeling it

gay: just a regular old gay. i don’t need it to be trademarked anymore

jennabun: ...okay?

gay: did you not notice it yesterday???

brookie: no i was kinda hung up on the fact that you fuckin proposed to jeremy

gay: okay reasonable

jake-a-cake: i support your decision

gay: thx jake

gay: ANYWAYS CAN I SHOW YOU THE SONG

canoozle: yes!! i need new music

gay: okayokayokayokaysjdkdb

jerrybean: aw he’s excited

jerrybean: it’s adorable

gay: shush

gay: https://youtu.be/ihAwsK0nKpI

gay: it’s so goOD it’s so light blue and dark yellow and wavy ugh it makes me rlly happy and nostalgic i LOVE

cupid: okay that’s adorable but what

dick: what chloe said

brookie: wtf

gay: what??

gay: i’ve freaked out over songs before

jake-a-cake: yeah but,,, never with colors

gay: is that not normal??

jerrybean: no mikey

gay: WHAT

gay: i’ve described so many songs to you with colors wHAT

jerrybean: yeah i didn’t have the heart to tell you bc you were so excited and i loved seeing you happy

gay: okay that’s amazing and ur a great bf but WHAT THE FUCK

cupid: fiancé

jerrybean: that

gay: okay yeah but LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK

gay: IVE GONE NINETEEN YEARS NOT KNOWING THIS

jennabun: wait wait there’s a word for it

jennabun: i think it’s called synesthesia??

gay: a what now

gay: no entiendo

jennabun: it’s where like. two senses mix or something?? i think it can be sound/color, number/color, touch/sound, touch/color, there’s so many

jennabun: you see colors when you hear music right?

gay: yeah i,,, always have

jennabun: that’s sound/color synesthesia

canoozle: that’s so cool

dick: yeah that sounds so amazing

cupid: do you see the color?

gay: yeah, it’s like colors in the corners on my vision, like it’s vignetted

gay: sometimes it’s wavy and sometimes it’s rlly rigid and sometimes it seeps in more

jerrybean: i’ve made him draw what certain songs look like and it’s fuckin amazing

jerrybean: it’s like he’s in this whole other world and honestly i’m jealous

gay: honestly its annoying when there’s a lotta noise but otherwise yeah it’s cool?? soft songs are usually lighter but there’s some songs like lullabies that are dark red but they’re still really nice

cupid: that’s so cool

cupid: what’s uh,, mitb then??

gay: it seeps in rlly deep and its rigid and its dark green and this kinda ugly shade of rlly dark yellow near the edges but there’s splotches of wavy light blues that are almost white

jerrybean: as someone who has heard that song about a million times after mikey’s been working on it that’s.... such a nice way to describe it

canoozle: what about your favorite song?

gay: !!!!sidjjs uGh 

jerrybean: get ready for a rant bc he loves this song and will not shut up about it

gay: OKAY SO

jerrybean: if i pass out from his cuteness don’t worry

cupid: how wholesome

gay: THEIF BY IMAGINE DRAGONS FROM SMOKE + MIRRORS (DELUXE)(2015) IS THE BEST GODDAMN SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD

gay: MY WHOLE VISION IS COLOR WITH THIS SONG

gay: THERES THIS REALLY PRETTY LAYER OF SILVER UNDERNEATH THATS KINDA SPARKLY BUT NOT TOO SPARKLY AND THEN THEREES THIS TEALISH BUT MORE GREENISH COLOR IN THE CORNERS AND THEN A REALLY PRETTY LAVENDAR WAVES THROUGH IT AND IN THE BRIDGE THERES LIGHT BLUE IN IT TOO AND HSJSLDJSHAHSH

gay: ITS SO PRETTY AND I LOVE IT SO GODDAMN MUCH

canoozle: do you need a second mikey

gay: YES

canoozle: take your time and feel free to freak out to us bc it makes me happy seeing u happy

cupid: i think i speak for all of us when i say i agree

jerrybean: obviously

dick: duh

jake-a-cake: fuck yeah 

jennabun: count me in

brookie: of course

canoozle: awesome

canoozle: so anyways

canoozle: how was everyone’s weekend?

jerrybean: about that.....

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 8 members online]

canoozle: YOU FUCKING WHAT NOW

cupid: have we ever seen christine swear but also WHAT THE FUCK JEREMY

brookie: HOW COULD YOU SPEND 4 WHOLE MONTHS WITH IT AND NOT SAY ANYTHING

dick: IT TRIED TO TAKE YOU OVER?

jennabun: IT WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH YOU?

jake-a-cake: MICHAEL YOU DIDNT FUCKING TELL ME IT TOOK HIM OVER

canoozle: YOU KNEW AND DIDNT TELL US?????????

canoozle: YOU THREE ARE FUCKING GETTING IT WHEN I SEE YOU

jake-a-cake: sorry chris

gay: sorz

jerrybean: sorry mom

gay: I SPIT OUT MY COFFEE

jerrybean: he also got it all over me :)))

canoozle: YOU DESERVE IT YOU PRICK

jerrybean: jesus christ

jerrybean: i’ve never been called a prick before

canoozle: RLLY BC I HAVE A LOT MORE YOU FUCKING CUCK YOU LYING CUNT JESUS CHRIST JEREMIAH LEE HEERE HOW FUCKING IDIOTIC CAN YOU BE

brookie: jeez chris take a breath we’re all man here

canoozle: HES AN IDIOT! A FUCKING IDIOT! HE COULDVE DIED BC OF THAT TIC TAC AND WE COULDVE PREVENTED THIS. MICHAEL COULDVE DIED! JEREMY COULDVE DIED! WE ALL KNOW THAT JEREMY HAS TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AFTER GETTING SQUIPPED MULTIPLE TIMES AND MICHAEL HAS FUCKING CODEPENDENCY ISSUES AND WOULD KILL HIMSELF IF JEREMY DIED

canoozle: SO ITS IDIOTIC! WE COULDVE PREVENTED ALL THIS! JEREMY COULDVE BEEN HEALNG INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH FOUR MONTHS OF HELL! GOD WHY DID I EVER LIKE YOU YOURE SUCH AN IDIOT?? YOURE GOING TO RUIN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND DIE ALONE AT THIS RATE IF YOU DONT DIE BEFORE THAT AND ILL BE STANDING AT YOUR GRAVE SAYING I TOLD YOU SO

gay: damn she got the codependency issues on lock

jerrybean: i

gay: shit

brookie: yall okay?

cupid: i don’t think so

gay: /pm canoozle

gay: jeremy’s sitting next to me sobbing good fucking job christine

gay: he thinks that you hate him, he’s scratching at his arms like. really deep. he relapsed when he was squipped these last months he’s not good i’m afraid he’s gonna cut his arm open again rn

gay: shit i jinxed it

canoozle: /pm gay

canoozle: god i messed up didn’t i

canoozle: i get so worried about him, and i don’t want him to get hurt. and he was just so stupid, god, he needs to know not to do anything like that again

canoozle: i don’t hate him please don’t hate me michael

gay: i 

gay: i’m fucking mad

gay: at him and you

gay: now i gotta be suicide watch for my own fucking boyfriend

gay: ask me another day and maybe you’ll get your answer. 

canoozle: michael please i’m sorry

[gay went offline]

Chapter Text

Michael’s hands were shaking. 

It wasn’t an uncommon occurance. Countless panic attacks had plagued Michael’s life over his twenty-five years of being. He could never seem to keep his hands still, either. His fingers would twitch at random, his handwriting always sloppy due to the slight tremor.  

Jeremy would usually be there to hold them, to still his hands and remind Michael that everything would be okay. Though, this time Jeremy was the reason his hands were shaking.

”Remind me again why I’m doing this,” he muttered. Michael’s head was tipped up, corneas burning as he stared up into the florescent light. Rich was currently straightening his bowtie, a glimmer in their eyes that only appeared when they were excited or happy. Michael guessed that it was both.

Rich finished the knot with a flourish and stepped back, admiring their work. They hadn’t grown much since high school, and had to look up at the six feet and one inch that was Michael Mell. “Because you love him and this is the happiest day of your life,” they answered, smiling and patting Michael on the shoulder.

Michael sighed and leaned into Rich’s hand. “Yeah, until we adopt a kid or two.”

Rich practically choked. “You’re messing with me. You’re actually messing with me.”

Michael simply shrugged and walked in front of the mirror, straightening his white shirt. “Eh, we talked about it. Jeremy wants to wait until he finishes his residency. I’m not really sure when I want them, I just know I do.”

That same smile appeared in the mirror behind him, Rich’s entire face lighting up with it. They donned a blue dress shirt beneath their vest. Rich looked very nice.

Michael smiled at the thought. He would have to tell Brooke that. Once the two had started planning the wedding, Brooke had immediately offered to plan the outfits. Rich and Jake- Michael and Jeremy’s best men, respectively- were outfitted with gray vests and slacks along with a button-up a rich shade of blue. Brooke and Chloe wore shoulderless dresses made of lace that reached the floor in a few shades lighter. So did Christine and Jenna, only a few shades lighter. 

Rich and Jake had yellow ties and blue pocket squares. The girls carried sunflowers. Brooke, in turn, had outfitted the grooms in white dress shirts, gray jackets, yellow bowties and boutineers made of tiny yellow flowers and twine.

Michael would have never thought of or wanted all the yellow. Yet once Jeremy had become all big smiles and waving hands at the idea, there was no way Michael could turn it down.

“Look at you, being responsible and growing up,” Rich said, snapping the other out of his reverie. A pause. “I’m really happy for you, man.”

Michael smiled. “Thanks, Rich.” He sighed. “I’m just worried that Jeremy will regret it. I know I want this to happen, god, I’ve been dreaming of it since I was nine. I’m hopelessly in love with him, but I’m scared everything will go to shit.”

Michael walked away from the mirror, collapsing into an armchair. “Things haven’t been very good lately. Jeremy comes home crying half the time because he’s so stressed out, and it fucking kills me. I’m just worried it’s going to be freshman year of college again...”

Michael couldn’t quite find the words. He simply stared at the floor, feet tapping to a song in his head. A hand appeared on his knee, attatched to the comforting face of Rich. 

“Hey,” Rich spoke, their voice soft. “Jeremy is hopelessly, utterly in love with you. You’re both stressed out because of all this,” Rich gestured around them. “But I assure you, he won’t regret anything. If you could see the way he looks at you... man, you’re gonna turn out fine. We’ll even babysit for you when you’re out at fundraising banquets for the prestegious hospital Jeremy works at, or in Hollywood for the premieres of the hit movie you scored. Your kids are gonna love Uncle Jake and Untie Rich.”

Michael nearly snorted at untie. Rich was the master of finding odd gender neutral terms. He looked up into his friend’s eyes, hoping his expression conveyed just how grateful he was. Rich seemed to get the message as he patted the other’s knee and stood up. 

”Rich, where’s my flower thing?”

”On it,” they yelled, already halfway out the door. 

”Hey, babe,” Jake said as Rich appeared at his door and leaned over for a quick peck on the lips. “How’s Michael doing?”

”Freaked out for a bit but he’s okay now. Do you have his boot-i-something? I have no idea where the hell it is and Brooke is going to kill me if he doesn’t have it.” 

Jake smiled and handed them a clear box filled with tiny yellow flowers. “Here.”

”Thanks. How’s Jeremy?”

Jake’s face contorted slightly before returning to his easy smile. “Okay. A little nervous, but okay.”

”Good. Call if you need anything, Brooke is making sure this is the best gay wedding the world has ever seen.”

”Noted,” Jake replied, rasing two fingers to his forehead in mock salute. Rich easily returned the gesture. “Hey, do you think we’ll ever get married?” 

If Rich had been drinking, Jake guessed they would’ve spit it everywhere. A sound something between a choke and a laugh. The other’s face contorted, casuing Jake to recieve an incredulous look.

Once Rich looked as if they were able to form a coherent thought, he responded. “Ask me when I’m not trying to keep an entire gay wedding on the road.”

Jake smiled. “Point taken.”

Jeremy had thrown up at least five times in the past hour.

It wasn’t like Jeremy to throw up when he was anxious. It usually showed up in an increase in stuttering or a rapidly beating heart. Though, pair the fact that Jeremy hadn’t been able to get off yesterday, causing him to work a twenty-four hour shift, and that this was literally the most stressful day of his life, the reaction started to make sense. 

Jake had stripped him out of his clothes the moment Jeremy had mentioned that he didn’t feel well, claiming that “Brooke and Christine will literally kill me if you look anything besides drop dead gorgeous.” Jeremy laughed before promptly throwing up into the nearest trashcan. 

He was currently curled up on the couch in the venue’s second waiting room clutching a trashcan for dear life. He was sure his stomach was empty by now, but bile still threatened to come up unannounced. Jeremy perked his head up as Jake wheeled back in, sporting a small smile.

”Hey, who was that?” he croaked as Jake wheeled closer. 

“Rich, Michael didn’t have his weird flower thing,” Jake answered, wiping the corner of Jeremy’s mouth with his thumb. “He’s okay, just about as nervous as you, but okay,” he reassured Jeremy, apparently seeing that telltale worried look in the other’s eyes. 

Jeremy sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back into the stiff upholstery. “God, remind me to tell Micah he’s topping tonight, I’m too goddamn tired.”

Jake all but snorted, picking up Jeremy’s clothes and pushing the can away. “Too much information, dude. Now, come on, call time’s in fifteen minutes and you have to look nice. Or at least dressed.”

Jeremy spread out his arms, allowing Jake to slowly dress him. A whirlwind of thoughts appeared as the minutes dragged by, surprisingly not am I going to throw up again? By the time Jake had gotten to tying his bright yellow bowtie, the thoughts had choked him, becoming too much for him to handle.

”Do you think we’ll be okay? Me and Micah, I mean,” Jeremy finally sputtered out, surprising Jake in the process. 

His best man, the person that had been there for Jeremy for these past years of hell, looked back at him with nothing but sympathy and compassion. He was nearly as comforting as Michael, soft eyes and a calming voice able to coax Jeremy out of his darkest pits, save him from his worst thoughts.

Rich really was lucky to have him.

Jake took the groom’s hand in his, squeezing lightly. “Of course,” he answered. “Of course you are. Things might be shit sometimes, but you’ve known each other for so long, loved each other for so long. You’d kill a man for each other. You’re gonna grow old and be in love even after you die. You two are the best of us, really.” 

Jeremy smiled, taking a deep breath and expelling his anxieties with it. Jake was right, they would be fine. 

“You look really good, you know,” Jake said as he pinned the boutineer to Jeremy’s right side. “If I was a homewrecker and not in a strong, committed relationship, I’d totally date you.”

Jeremy snorted, the waves of anxiety slowly melting into a puddle. “You’re a creep. But, thank you. I need to impress him, today is supposed to be perfect.”

Jake actually laughed at that, a bright sound that rang across the room. He really was good company, Jeremy thought offhandedly. “You impress him just by existing. Now, come on, go brush your teeth. We’re lining up in five minutes and you need to go get married.”

Jeremy nodded and stood up quickly, the overwhelming nausea now forgotten. “Okay, okay.”

As he turned towards the bathroom, Jeremy couldn’t ignore that floatiness in his chest, that smile that made his cheeks hurt. 

It was a feeling he missed, one that he hadn’t felt in so long. Jeremy welcomed it back with open arms. It felt like coming home and collapsing into the arms of the love of his life. It felt like laughing over the best joke of his life, of basking in an afterglow when all the world was in that moment was him and Michael. It felt like his first surgery, his first kiss, the first moment after a depressive episode when he was finally okay, where he was finally safe.

It was pure, unadulterated joy.

And it felt so, so good. 

“Places, everyone!” a voice- attached to someone walking far too fast in high heels to be possible- called. Brooke had been running around for the past few hours with a smile that looked friendly but was quite threatening if you managed to look in her eyes. 

“Hey, Brooke, you know you’re not the wedding planner, right?” Rich called from in front of Michael. Brooke had them lined up to walk into the hall. No matter how much Michael had peered and begged to see, Jeremy stayed hidden around the corner with his dad.

They had played a good, old-fashioned game of “rock, paper, scissors” to see who would walk in last. Michael lost, much to his displeasure. Though, the rest of their friends had been excited to see Michael’s reaction to Jeremy walking down the aisle. There were currently large bets on how long it would take for him to start crying, since none of their friend group would even try betting against the fact that Michael would start crying. 

Both of Michael’s moms were at his side, and the groom couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest when he thought of Jeremy. His mom hadn’t even come to the wedding, saying she “didn’t approve of his life choices.”

”I-I just thought sh-she’d want to come,” Jeremy said, a letter from his mother in his hands. The swirling handwriting, though beautiful, held nothing more than malice and distaste for her own son. 

“It’s okay, Mahal, don’t worry about it,” Michael whispered, running a hand through the mop that was Jeremiah Heere’s hair. He was curled against the other’s chest, choking back sobs as he traced his fingers over the letter. 

“I-I-I though I w-was o-over her, but...” Jeremy’s voice soon dissolved into a hiccup and a broken breath. Michael buried his head in Jeremy’s hair, wishing to only be able to take it all away.

Michael shook away the memory, trying to anchor himself to the present. If only Mrs. Heere could be like Michael’s mothers- the two women had practically whooped when their son came out, thanking whatever god may be out there that they had managed to raise a gay son. 

Michael barely caught onto the back end of Brooke’s quip back as he snapped back into the present. He immediately slipped back into a dream of memories as the music started, his best friends gliding towards his future with him.

“You ready, anak?” his mom said, gripping his hand tightly with a large smile.

”Always, mama.”

The other stepped up on her tip-toes, pressing a soft kiss to her son’s cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Michael.”

The groom smiled, gazing into the eyes of the two women who had been there for all of his life. And now, they’d be there for even more.

”I am too, inay.” 

The music swelled, and Michael took his first steps towards the life he has always looked forward to. 

Jeremy’s dad was crying.

“C’mon, dad, stop, you’re gonna make me cry,” Jeremy whined, putting a hand on his dad’s shoulder. “I already know Micah is, I don’t need you to as well.”

Mr. Heere sniffles and wiped his eyes. Jeremy was met with a pair of watering, kind eyes. Those were the ones that had gotten him through practically his entire life. He was the only man that could possibly calm Jeremy when Michael wasn’t around. 

He really was a good dad.

”I’m sorry, son, I’m just really happy for you. Michael is so good for you, I’m so proud of you two. He’s pretty much my son already, but now it’ll be official.”

Jeremy smiled and waved at his eyes, his voice coming out choked. “Dude, stop. I’m already crying. And we’re on in a minute.” 

Mr. Heere stood up, offering a hand to his son. Jeremy accepted with flourish, a beaming smile still painted on his face. “I still remember when you told me that you have a crush on Michael.”

Jeremy snorted. Freshman year of high school, Jeremy had come home crying in the realization that he had a crush on his best friend and was going to ruin his entire friendship. Mr. Heere had held him while he cried, yet refusing to say anything but that he believed someday Michael and Jeremy would get together.

His son’s heart swelled at the thought that his father was right.

”You ready?” Mr. Heere whispered as they lined up all the rest of their party already up the aisle. Jeremy’s heart jumped to his throat as they stepped into the doorway, walking together into their new life.

Everyone in the venue was standing up, but only one person at the end of the aisle mattered.

Michael.

Michael Mell, his sweet Michael Mell, was the sweetest sight Jeremy could ever imagine seeing. As soon as he laid eyes on his soon-to-be husband, a smile that could have powered the entire venue emerged. Michael leaned forward, hands over his mouth and laughed. It was full of joy, of absolute light, and it was the best sound Jeremy had ever heard. 

Michael looked at him like a work of art, as if he were the only thing he ever wanted to see. 

And to Jeremy, Michael was the same way.

He was the best person Jeremy had ever seen. He was all smiles and beauty and light. He was the laugh that could coax Jeremy out of his worst episodes, the calming voice that greeted him in the morning with a cup of coffee. He was old vinyls and hoodies with patches, the taste of vanilla and expensive chocolate. He was the sight that Jeremy always wanted to fall asleep and wake up to.

And now, he’d have a whole lifetime to do it. 

Michael nearly lost it as he laid eyes on Jeremy. He was beautiful, nervous eyes and a smile that lit up his face as he saw Michael. If he could, he would run up to Jeremy and kiss him, just stay that way forever.

Instead, he smiled so hard his cheeks hurt, leaned forward to fight back the ecstatic tears at the back of his eyes. God, he was so goddamn lucky.

Jeremy soon made his way to the front, and they stood across from each other. The officiant stood in between them, saying something that Michael couldn’t quite bother to pay attention to what he was saying. He was lost in Jeremy’s ocean eyes, in the smile spread across those lips. 

Jeremy was the best of them. He was freckles and messy hair and sweet kisses. He was the nervous stutter that Michael adored, the shaky hands and rapidly beating heart. He was the bad jokes that would get Michael to laugh on his worst days, the whispered words after a panic attack that grounded him and reminded him that he was loved.

He’d never get enough of Jeremiah Heere. And now, he had a whole life to just take and take and take.

Somewhere along the line, Michael had been pulled down to earth when he heard the word “vows”. There stood Jeremy in front of him, looking ethereal, taking a deep breath and speaking.

”Michael,” he began, somehow causing the other’s smile to grow wider. “Michael. For years of my life, I was lost. I had no idea who I was, what I was doing, if I even belonged on this earth or if I should just die.” The words hurt going in, but Michael stood strong.

“My life had never made sense. But, in all that craziness, the one constant, the one thing that made sense was you. You were the one thing that gave me strength to keep going, that I have loved beyond belief for as long as I can remember. We have never been perfect people, but in my eyes, you are the best person I have ever met. I promise to give you everything, Michael Mell,” Jeremy paused, voice strained and eyes watering. The next time he spoke, his voice came out in a little more than a whisper. “I promise to give you everything, Michael Mell, because you are my everything. You have given me everything, and I would be nothing without you.”

Jeremy stopped, a hopeful smile hiding behind tears running down his cheeks. Michael heard sniffling somewhere, but couldn’t pin down the location. He was pretty sure Rich had started crying, though.

”Give me a sec,” Michael muttered, turning away and clearing his throat of the small sob attempting to sneak up. The venue laughed playfully, his friends next to him smiling as wide as he was. Tears threatened to come out, but this time they were good.

”Goddamnit, Jeremiah Heere,” he whispered, causing Jeremy to giggle and Michael’s heart to soar. “Okay, yeah. Vows.”

Michael took a deep breath, and let his heart spill out in front of the love of his life. 

“Jeremy. Ever since I came home one day in kindergarten talking about how I made a new friend, my moms were betting on how soon it would be until we started dating.” Jeremy laughed- a sound that should be framed or play over and over in Michael’s head- and looked over at Michael’s mothers, who merely shrugged playfully. “It only took about thirteen years, but in that time, I had met my best friend and my soulmate. You’ve pulled me back from the brink so many times, you’ve saved me from the worst of me and of others. You’ve protected me for as long as I can remember, yet in return, I can only offer this:

”Jeremiah Heere, I promise to protect you. I promise to love you until I am only dust, until we are stars shining over our legacies. I promise to hold you close and never let go of you, because without you, I am only the shell of the man I could be. You complete me, Jeremy, and may God help me if I ever say anything otherwise. And with that, I might as well offer myself for you to take, filled with the unconditional love you have given me over the years.”

Jeremy looked about ready to fall to the floor and start crying. Instead, he simply whispered the other’s name, looking as if he wanted to do nothing but to lean into Michael’s arms and stay there.

And then, the moment came.

Rich tapped him lightly on the shoulder, eyes slightly red, and handed him a ring.

”Jeremiah Lee Heere, do you take Michael Mell to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?“

Jeremy stared deep into Michael’s eyes, seemingly lost in them.

”I do.”

Michael slipped the ring onto Jeremy’s finger, hands shaking, yet it felt like the world was finally coming together.

”Michael Theodore Mell, do you take Jeremiah Heere to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”

Michael’s voice shook. “I do.”

Jeremy stared up to him as he slipped the smooth, silver band upon his finger.

In that moment, it was only Jeremy and Michael, Michael and Jeremy. The world dissolved around them, leaving two broken men held together by the love they had somehow found in each other.

Jeremy was his, and Michael was Jeremy’s.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Michael barely heard the words “you may now kiss the groom” be uttered before he leaned in, pressing his lips to Jeremy’s and pumping an arm up in victory. Jeremy melted in his touch, as if everything was finally coming together.

In retrospect, Michael thought, it was. It was finally just Jeremy and Michael against the world.

Of all the kisses they had ever shared, this one was the sweetest.

Chapter Text

canoozle: /pm jennrolls

canoozle: oh my god jenna i messed up

canoozle: big time

canoozle: shIT 

canoozle: michael hates me and jeremy’s a wreck because of me why didn’t i just shut my mouth god i really messed up

jennrolls: /pm canoozle

jennrolls: i’m sure it’ll blow over. both of you are angry and michael isn’t one to hold grudges. and jeremy loves his friends- especially you- too much to be mad at you

jennrolls: although you were kinda scary. michael will probs be a bit cagey for a little bit bc you hurt jeremy. everyones a bit nervous bc you’ve never really been mad, sorry man

canoozle: UGH

canoozle: man i just want everyone to be at least okay i didn’t mean to upset anyone

canoozle: i’m so stupid

canoozle: and michael totally does hold grudges jenna i’m s c r e w e d

jennrolls: christine. it’s fine. and if it’s not fine right now, it will be.

jennrolls: just talk to them. you’ll all be okay.

canoozle: fine

canoozle: thanks jen, you’re a good person

jennrolls: anytime

canoozle: /pm jerrybean

canoozle: hey jer, you okay? 

canoozle: i’m really, really sorry. i just want you to be safe and the fact that you didn’t tell anyone really worried me. you could’ve gotten really hurt and that can’t happen

canoozle: i’m so sorry for saying all that and i’m so sorry for hurting you. i hope that you can learn to forgive me

jerrybean: /pm canoozle

jerrybean: thank you, chris

jerrybean: and it’s okay. you’re right, it was stupid and i shouldve told someone. i’m sorry for not telling you or anyone 

jerrybean: but michael’s still kinda mad at you

canoozle: i figured

jerrybean: i love him but he can be a real bitch sometimes

canoozle: jeremy oh my god

jerrybean: okay that’s mean

jerrybean: a passive agressive bitch

canoozle: that’s not better??

jerrybean: welp

jerrybean: i’ll talk to him, don’t worry

canoozle: thank you

canoozle: and jer?

jerrybean: yeah?

canoozle: i heard from michael uh

canoozle: you relapsed?

jerrybean: i uh

jerrybean: yeah.

jerrybean: it was the only time that the squip would leave me alone bc i think it was scared it would scare and hurt me

jerrybean: i didn’t really want to but i mean

jerrybean: maybe i wanted to idk

canoozle: oh jeremy

jerrybean: please don’t be mad

canoozle: i’m not 

canoozle: i’m proud of you for making it that far, okay? and while it’s not good to relapse, it’s another time to start over. and you’ll get longer this time. you’re so, so strong, and i’m so proud of you

canoozle: people fuck up, but we heal.

jerrybean: you never swear and dude it’s so WEIRD

jerrybean: but thank you

jerrybean: having cuts on my arms def isn’t helping me rn but that helped

jerrybean: you’re a really good person christine

canoozle: you are too, jeremy

jerrybean: eh. debatable

canoozle: jeremiah heere you hecker 

canoozle: i don’t yell but i will scream about whatta good person you are

jerrybean: oh i’m sure you will

Chapter Text

- edit: this is just gonna serve as a chapter to comment requests i may or may not use when i don’t know what to write -

this. literally isn’t even a chapter i just have no ideas. zip. zilch. nada. there is nOthing in my brain rn that says “creative” or “idea” and i’ve been scrolling through tumblr all day trying to get inspiration.

so pls come through for me and give me ideas!! for this fic or any of them. i have four fics i need to update and NO IDEAS. i’ll post a bunch of mini stories depending on how you guys respond

(this is really a problem i cannot write ANYTHING i just sit and stare at my screen)

(this is the only thing i’ve written in a week)

(please give me ideas)

(por favor)

(yo no soy creativo, lo siento)

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

[jerrybean came online]

[gay came online]

jerrybean: uh guys

gay: oh my god this is gonna be GOOD

jennrolls: please do tell

gay: okay so jer here lost a bet

dick: was it that he couldn’t say he loves mike bc i can see him losing that very quickly

cupid: that’s... rlly cute?

brookie: a-fuckin-greed

canoozle: what was the bet? 

gay: we were looking online for bets bc we were bored and we found one that said you had to speak a different language for the entire day

gay: now this wouldn’t be too hard bc we both speak fluent spanish

brookie: the whitest kid in our friend group speaks fluent spanish

jerrybean: SOY JUDÍO

gay: nada que ver con eso

jerrybean: vete a la mierda

gay: ay

dick: ok no one else here speaks spanish can you just tell us about the bet

jerrybean: you didn’t take spanish in high school?

dick: well yeah but i don’t remember anything

dick: wait uh

dick: yo no ser spanish

jerrybean: ...

gay: you just said you do not to be spanish

dick: goddamnit

dick: ANYWAYS TELL US ABOUT THE BET

gay: so it wouldn’t be too hard since we speak spanish, but we decided to step it up a notch and go to as many places as we could

canoozle: oh no

gay: oh YES

gay: we started easy and went to a mexican restraunt where they actually speak spanish and all was well. eventually we ended up at a kmart with the whitest goddamn cashier i have ever met and jer just ended up yelling “CAN I JUST HAVE MY CHANGE”

gay: and he looks at me with just. defeat. it was so funny

dick: ha

dick: so what does he have to do

jerrybean: wear heels for a week :(

dick: HA

brookie: oh honey

canoozle: i’m so sorry for your feet

cupid: well i’m sure he’ll be hot

jerrybean: mike picked them out and i’m actually going to kill him bc they’re

jerrybean: well lemme show you

jerrybean: killme.jpg

cupid: mikey are you trying to kill him?

gay: no comment

brookie: well i’m sure you look good as fuck in them

jerrybean: they’re just SO HIGH imma have permanant scrapes on my knees this week

dick: from falling or...?

jerrybean: of course from falling what else would

jerrybean: oh

jerrybean: OH

jerrybean: N O P E

gay: OH MY GOD

brookie: jer’s a kinky little shit

jerrybean: FML STOOOOOOOOP

jerrybean: this week is going to be literal hell

gay: lo sabes

jerrybean: fuck you

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

jerrybean: guys

jerrybean: i have a confession to make

jerrybean: there’s something i haven’t told you

gay: is this what i think it is

jerrybean: no actually

jakeyd: michael doesn’t know? don’t you tell each other like. everything

gay: yes

jerrybean: yes

jerrybean: but he doesn’t know this one, it’s a surprise

gay: well spill

canoozle: seconded

jerrybean: okay so. i started going to a therapist after i got hospitalized, her name is lynn and she’s awesome, and she ended up diagnosing me with non-combat ptsd

jakeyd: that sucks but that’s good?

canoozle: well he can actually get treatment that’ll help, right

gay: wait i knew this

gay: he called me while i was in a middle of a class bc she didn’t believe him when jer told her about the squip. he thought he was hallucinating or joking, and i legitimately had to say in the middle of a lecture that the squip is 100% real

canoozle: omg

jakeyd: only you two

gay: okay but what’s the thIng

jerrybean: so i have episodes right? obviously. so

jakeyd: spill it

jerrybean: i got a service dog

jerrybean: her name is pip

canoozle: AW

gay: W H A T

canoozle: what kind of dog is she??

[dick went online]

dick: i heard dog and i am HERE

gay: okay waitwaitwait wait.

gay: you got a dog

gay: spent a lot of time with this dog, trained said dog

gay: AND DID NOT TELL ME?

jerrybean: lol yeah

gay: W H A T

dick: this is great

dick: but also tell me everythiNG

[cupid went online]

cupid: i’m ft-ing brooke and jenna we’re hearing everything about this dog so we can give her nothing but unconditional loves

jerrybean: you do realize she’s a service dog and you’re not supposed to bother her, right

cupid: I WILL UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE HER FROM A RESPECTABLE DISTANCE JEREMY

jerrybean: i’ll take it

gay: i still can’t believe you got a dog and didn’t tell me

gay: this is sacrilege

canoozle: you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means

gay: goddamnit

gay: using my own weaknesses against me

jerrybean: remind me why i’m friends with all you again?

canoozle: jer, buddy, we are going to love that dog more than we love you

jerrybean: okay true

gay: i’m sure he loves that dog more than he loves himself

jerrybean: .......

jerrybean: OKAY YEAH SHES REALLY CUTE

Chapter Text

Michael Theodore Mell.

It was a name that Jeremy had never been able to get out of his head from the first time he heard it, as a seven year old in hushed voices under a pillow fort. 

“What about ‘Ollie’?” the boy next the Jeremy questioned. The sleepy seven year old knew that he hadn’t always been a boy- or, well, that wasn’t true. He was always a boy, people just thought he was a girl. Jeremy still felt bad for thinking that too. But the moment J had told the other that he was a boy, Jeremy accepted it without question.

”Eh, I don’t know,” Jeremy said, rolling onto his side to face his friend. “You could always just stick with ‘J’. I think that sounds nice.”

”But it starts with the same letter!” J complained, hands flying up around him in exasperation. “‘J’ is literally just a letter.” 

Jeremy sighed. The name game had been going on for far too long, both tired boys refusing to sleep until they found a name, no matter how much their eyelids drooped. “When do you think you’ll tell mama and inay about it?”

J mimicked screaming and pulling his hair out, coaxing giggles out of the other. “I dunno. Awhile. You have to be there when I do, though.”

Jeremy laughed quietly and nodded. After a short pause: “What about ‘Theodore’?”

J hummed in response, now flipped on his back, fingers poking at the blanket above him. “I like it. But I just thought, I like ‘Michael’.”

”Me too.” Jeremy looked at the boy next to him. He didn’t exactly look like a boy, but he was one. That much Jeremy knew. “What about ‘Michael Theodore’?”

Jeremy swore a glint appeared in the other’s eyes, bright and shining. “Michael Theodore Mell. That’s it.”

The newly donned Michael was right. “It has a nice ring to it.”

It just felt right. 

In hindsight, everything about the name Michael Theodore Mell sounded right. The way it rolled off mama or inay’s tongue when Michael was in trouble, the happy little glint in Michael’s eyes that was the same as that little boy’s when Jeremy teased him with it. 

And though he had always been Michael Theodore Mell, now he actually had the chance to look how said Michael imagined himself.

It had been a good ten years of tears, screaming, and self-hatred, but they were finally here. Jeremy couldn’t tell who was happier about it, out of Michael, Jeremy, Michael’s moms, Jeremy’s dad, and the doctors who had been with the boy since day one.

Tears were shed that day, and Jeremy couldn’t be more glad that they were happy ones.

As the sharp needle entered Michael’s skin, giving a sharp entrance to the next chapter of his life, he gripped his best friend’s hand.

His hand hadn’t left since, even as they sat on a bench outside the hospital. 

The adults had left to give the two teenagers some time alone before they all got together to celebrate. The chilly November air snuck down Jeremy’s neck and he pulled his cardigan tighter around him. As a particular gust of wind shot their way, scattering leaves in its path, Jeremy leaned more consciously than subconsciously into Michael. 

That warm, calloused hand never left his. Jeremy knew, he knew it meant nothing. Michael was affectionate. Liked being by his friend. To think it was anything besides an excited kid wanting to share the moment with his best friend, maybe even make sure he was still there, still real, was foolish. 

Yet, that tiny, shining sliver of hope somewhere in the depths of Jeremy’s heart kept tunneling out, trying to find the light in everything that was Michael Theodore Mell.

It was always Michael. Always had been, always would be Michael. 

“Hey, man, you okay?” a voice next to him questioned, snapping him back to reality. If Jeremy didn’t know better, he would almost admit that Michael’s voice was deeper already.

He felt a pang in his chest, the same squeeze that appeared whenever he was around Michael, and pushed it away. “Yeah, why?”

”No reason,” the other answered, squeezing his hand lightly. Those dark chocolate eyes were trained at the sky, something far away in them. Behind those glasses were wistful eyes, an overactive mind that tended to slip away from reality. 

Jeremy could stay and watch those eyes forever, get sucked into them and forget the world, but now was not the time.

It never was the time, and Jeremy only hoped he would get to a day where he could look at Michael with the unconditional love that filled him to the brim, and know that behind those far away, floating eyes, there was the same.

”I’m really happy for you, man,” Jeremy whispered, eyes trained on the clouds overhead. The chilly gusts of air dug into him, and Jeremy knew they would have to leave soon but... he might as well savor the moment when he had it.

”Thank you,” Michael said, running his thumb over the other’s knuckles with a distant smile. “I never thought this day would come, y’know? And you’re here too, mahal.”

It would later to occur to Jeremy that he really should have looked up what that meant.

”You finally made it. I’m so proud of you.”

The smile grew larger, and something... else appeared behind those glasses. “We finally made it.” 

“Yeah, I guess we did.”

A comfortable silence replaced their voices. As Jeremy shivered from the cold, Michael moved closer. It took him a moment to realize how close they were, how intimate the encounter was.

Jeremy had been close to Michael for a good twelve years of his life, both emotionally and physically. Physical contact, hugs, hand holding, all of it was normal. Familiar. Safe. Yet, this one was different. A sort of energy ran through the air, not much different from static, and Jeremy prayed that Michael could feel it as well.

The wind had finally gotten to him, and Jeremy turned to the other. “Hey, Mica-“

He was cut off by a pair of soft, nervous lips pressed against his.

Jeremy’s brain all but short-circuted. Michael, Michael Theodore fucking Mell was kissing him. His body was warm, lips slightly chapped in the middle yet amazing. Vanilla and mint filled filled his nostrils, those sweet eyes now closed. He hadn’t even had the mind to close his eyes before Michael pulled away, a horrified look in his eyes.

Of course, of course he would regret it. It meant nothing, it was a mistake, and Jeremy would have to play it off as if he didn’t have a giant fucking crush on his best friend-

“Oh my god,” Michael muttered, now standing. His hands were burrowed in his messy hair, pulling as if he were punishing himself for what just happened. 

He spoke again, louder this time. “Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. Shit, Jeremy, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, well I mean I did-“

Jeremy’s heart stopped.

”-like. Like I’ve been thinking of doing that forever and it seemed like the perfect moment and now I just totally fucked up our friendship because you don’t feel the same about me and now you know I really really like you and shit-“

Michael was now pacing, word and syllables spilling out of his mouth, mashed into one long sentence. He looked miserable, as if the whole world around him had crumbled.

Jeremy was having a similar reaction.

“-god, now you’re gonna hate me and I just threw away twelve years of friendship-“

”Michael.”

”-and I know you don’t feel that way cause even though you’re bi you wouldn’t like me I’m your best friend only stupid people fall for their best friends-“

”Michael.”

”-I fucked up! I was never gonna tell you I was just gonna get over it and stop being such a big bitch about it-“

”Michael!”

Jeremy had found himself standing, grasping the shoulders of his best friend and shaking him slightly. Michael’s eyes met his, those chocolate eyes now overflowing with shame and fear, tears rolling freely down his cheeks.

It hurt so much to see his best friend like this. His heart ached at the sight, tears pricking at the back of his eyes as Michael looked at him, horrified, horrified at himself, horrified at what he had just done.

Jeremy only wanted to fix it, to take it all away.

So, he did the only thing he could. The only thing he could think of.

He leaned in and kissed Michael.

Michael’s lips were slightly parted as Jeremy surged forward. He tried to pull away, but Jeremy was prepared, taking one hand and pulling him in by his neck, the other sitting comfortingly on his bicep. After a moment of shock, Jeremy’s world stopped, because Michael was kissing back.

Michael Theodore Mell was kissing him back.

It was awkward, neither really knowing what to do. It was lopsided, salty, wet, yet it was perfect. It was them. Michael tasted of salt and smoke and the mint gum he always had in his hoodie. 

Michael finally pulled away, cheeks flushed as he stared at Jeremy with something else. Jeremy stared back before pulling him into a hug.

Michael buried his head into the other’s shoulder, tears of joy and nervous energy escaping him in soft hiccups. He wrapped his arms around Jeremy, and suddenly, the cold November wind was no longer there.

It was just them.

All Jeremy’s world was at that moment was Michael Theodore Mell. The boy he loved in more ways than anything else, the one he held in his arms, the one who had finally seen there was something more.

Michael.

It was always Michael.

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 5 members online]

brookie: yo jer how are the heels going

jerrybean: i think death would be better than this

cupid: relatable??

jennrolls: yeah, those heels could easily kill someone

canoozle: in multiple ways if you’re creative enough

brookie: she is right

jerrybean: i would just give in but i’m not a quitter

cupid: uhhh yes you are

jerrybean: shut it

jerrybean: also i kind of like them?? they make me feel lowkey powerful

jennrolls: are you sure that’s not just bc you’re taller than michael now

jerrybean: i’ve always been taller than micah!!

brookie: i, for one, would like to call bullshit

canoozle: https://youtu.be/ytN_QZo6oZw

cupid: it’s bull/shit/

brookie: this is why i love you

cupid: i know

jerrybean: yall are weird

jennrolls: we know

jennrolls: how does michael feel about the heels?

jerrybean: if that is a question to pry into my sex life you’re gonna get a boring answer

brookie: goddamnit

jerrybean: school started back up so we haven’t really done anything. plus i’d be too miserable to do anything ig

cupid: no phone sex?

jerrybean: can you NOT

jennrolls: facetime?

jerrybean: ugHhhhHH

canoozle: not even before you left?

jerrybean: YOU TOO??

jerrybean: guys, as much as a shock as it may be to you, mich and i have never had sex

canoozle: wait

jennrolls: what

cupid: you’re kidding

brookie: you’re lying right

[jakeyd came online]

jakeyd: no he is not if he did i would be the first to know

[jakeyd went offline]

brookie: okay i have a lotta questions but firstly.

brookie: why would JAKE be the first one to know

jerrybean: ???

jerrybean: behind micah he’s my best friend, he knows everything about me??

jennrolls: okay waitwaitwaitwait

jennrolls: since when are you and jake close?

jerrybean: awhile? even before the squip we were in the same art class and we always kinda hit it off? and after the squip we talked a lot more and got to be really close? i went to a lot of his doctor’s appointments with him after the accident when rich was still in the hospital

jerrybean: if i recall correctly, he once said that if i didn’t have a huge gay crush on micah and if he didn’t have a huge gay crush on rich, we’d be together

[jakeyd came online]

jakeyd: that is a true statement

[jakeyd went offline]

canoozle: wtf ok

canoozle: idrc about that i just want to know how you and mich have done like? nothing? 

canoozle: i don’t usually pry so this i’m pulling my “i listened to you pine over michael for god knows how long so you’re telling me” card

jerrybean: UGH F I N E

jerrybean: okay so we never really like. did anything. maybe got each other off a few times but like. that’s all i feel comfortable doing

cupid: but weren’t you like the sex crazed freak most of high school

jerrybean: why do i tell you people these thingsssssss

jerrybean: yes but halloween party + squip + graduation = no me gusta

cupid: someone translate?

brookie: use context clues hun

cupid: i’m still really sorry about the halloween party by the way, i was drunk and i didn’t know the squip was stopping you from moving

jerrybean: it’s okay chlo, really

cupid: no but it was really shitty of me and i know i apologize for it a lot so here’s another

jennrolls: could you say it’s...

jerrybean: NO

jennrolls: bullshit?

canoozle: good one

jennrolls: thx b

canoozle: okay but wait

canoozle: can we go back to a point jer made before we started prying about his sex life

jerrybean: please do?

canoozle: you said you feel powerful in heels?

jerrybean: well yeah

jerrybean: they’re just. cool. i like them

jerrybean: i feel like i could stab a bitch and then walk away still looking good

brookie: if that isn’t my ass

jerrybean: also ig it’s a good a time as any to tell you guys i’m genderfluid

canoozle: GASP

cupid: i’m a proud mom???

brookie: please tell me i can go dress shopping with you

jennrolls: stop by my dorm and let me give you a makeover

jerrybean: you guys are wild

jerrybean: but i’m still regular jeremy, just one who is more comfortable with going and trying on dresses and shedding the shackles of binary gender, yknow

jennrolls: wait does that imply that you tried on dresses before

canoozle: WAS IT WITH RICH

canoozle: PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS WITH RICH

jerrybean: ... 

jerrybean: it was with rich

cupid: THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 5 members online]

jerrybean: yo mike how the hell did you breathe in a binder

gay: tf

jakeyd: is that a random question or one due to experimentation

jerrybean: uh

jerrybean: well i once bought mike a binder with a bunch of dogs with it

gay: I REMEMBER THAT

gay: it was so bad but i loved it

jerrybean: excuse me

gay: that’s a compliment

jerrybean: okay then

cupid: may i ask why you bought him a dog binder

jerrybean: it was actually a galaxy dog binder

brookie: oh my god

gay: i mentioned all my binders were boring

jerrybean: it was his xmas gift

jerrybean: or chanukkah?

jerrybean: cause it was my chanukkah but your xmas?

jerrybean: you know what nvm

brookie: lmao

gay: i loved it

gay: wait i still think i have the link to it cause jer sent it to me so i could get more stuff

gay: http://www.shapeshifters.co/product/galactic-space-binder

jerrybean: if i remember correctly, one of them is called “space is gay”

brookie: i looked it up and you are 100% correct mx

jerrybean: why thank you ma’am

cupid: okay but back to the question at hand

jakeyd: also at chest

cupid: that doesn’t even make sense

jakeyd: just go with it 

brookie: i would also like to know?

gay: same here

jerrybean: uhhhhh

jerrybean: when i was home last, i must’ve accidentally packed it

brookie: wait then that implies that michael had clothes at your house

cupid: didn’t they basically live at each other’s houses

jerrybean: yep

gay: yep

jakeyd: yep

brookie: wait jake how do you know

jakeyd: jeremy’s my bro

jerrybean: yeah, we’re bros

gay: i thought i was your bro

jerrybean: you were

jerrybean: now it’s just gay

gay: okay fine

gay: CAN WE GET TO THE POINT NOW

jerrybean: okay yes

jerrybean: i was looking for a bra and

jakeyd: why were you wearing a bra

jerrybean: do not tell me rich hasn’t

jakeyd: okay true

jakeyd: they once went on a whole rant about how if you’re wearing a dress it looks better and they’re lowkey comfortable

jakeyd: esp when they work out

cupid: they’re not comfy??

brookie: chlo you don’t have a big chest, grow a pair then go a day without a bra

cupid: i’m offended

brookie: i’m a lesbian i’m offensive by design

cupid: oh my god

cupid: well i guess having a small chest is kinda nice

gay: i would also like to vouch for the “small chests are good” movement

jakeyd: i wonder why

jerrybean: ANYWAYS

jerrybean: i was looking in my suitcase bc i’m lazy and rarely unpack and i found it

jerrybean: it barely fits me, a person with no chest

jerrybean: micah how the hell did you survive

gay: i learned how not to breathe

gay: and maybe how to survive with broken ribs

brookie: what

jakeyd: dude

cupid: you’re kidding right

jerrybean: you did NOT

gay: ....

jerrybean: MICHAEL THEODORE MELL

Chapter Text

Chloe had a slight fear of commitment.

Okay, well, she wouldn’t call it slight. Or of commitment. It seemed more like the fact that she could love or care for someone was terrifying.

Especially when that someone was a girl.

Enter Brooke Lohst. Easily the most popular girl at Middleborough, funny, charming, beautiful. 

And, of course, fucking up Chloe’s entire life.

Chloe wasn’t gay. Totally, definitely not gay. It wasn’t that she didn’t like gay people- she was friends with Michael and Jake and... well, the rest of her friend group.

She just... wasn’t gay. Plain and simple. 

She had boyfriends. A lot, actually. Chloe found herself thinking that it was just a game at this point: find a boy, have fun, then dump them and find another. No strings attatched, no feelings, nothing. And, sure, she was starting to build a reputation as the school slut (even though Madelyn would always hold that title) but she could live with that.

She was popular, had a nice friends, a good GPA and everything. Life was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

”Hey, how much you wanna bet that Dustin Kropp is gay?” Rich asked one day at lunch, sipping at a carton of milk and eyeing the boy across the room. By some miracle (or curse), their entire friend group was together at this lunch. And Rich, being the ringleader of all that was crazy, decided it was high time to start up another game. Chloe sighed and rested her head in one hand. According to the other’s, her gaydar didn’t count.

Everyone at the table seemed to consider it: Jeremy and Jake sneaking a peek at Dustin and arguing over his fashion choice, Jenna and Christine debating whether or not him playing Mercutio in Middleborough High’s production of Romeo and Juliet was enough to warrant him sharing his character’s obvious sexuality. But Michael, who had not spoken since he sat down with his AP Music Theory homework, answered the question.

”He’s gay.”

Jake tore his gaze away from Dustin. “How the hell do you know?”

“He hit on me at the Halloween party. He was totally sober, too.”

Jake raised his eyebrow and straightened his glasses, looking as if he were about to go through the scientific process and hypothesize about whether or not one guy at Middleborough High was gay. Chloe chuckled behind her hand. “That doesn’t prove anyt-“

“He’s dating Thomas.”

Rich practically spit out his milk. “How do you know that?”

Michael smiled, but his gaze still didn’t leave his textbook. “Man, I’m the gayest one here. I know every and all things gay. I’m the gay mast-“

”Hey, guys.”

A new voice and new body appeared at the table next to Chlor. The entire group fell silent, Michael even looking up from his work to see Brooke Lohst sit down at their table. 

Chloe stared incredulously (and probably rudely) at her. She was popular, no doubt about that, but she was at the top of the high school food chain. Chloe had talked to her a few times, but never in a million years would she have guessed that Brooke would sit with them. Jeremy, from across the table, seemed to have a five second panic attack as he realized he was in the presence of someone so popular.

Chloe was having a similar reaction.

She was pretty. God, she was pretty. Golden hair, sparkling eyes that drew Chloe in, hands that looked so warm and comforting and man, if she didn’t want to just lay in Brooke’s arms for the rest of the day...

She immediately pushed the thought aside. Not gay, not gay, not gay...

Rich interrupted Chloe’s thoughts by cutting through the thick and increasingly awkward silence. “Okay, why the hell are you here?”

”Nice to see you too,” Brooke responded, tone sharp but a large, toothy smile spread across her face.

It soon fell after the rest of the group simply stared at her. Chloe could’ve sworn they had better social skills than this, but it would be a lie to say that Brooke took her breath away.

”Okay, I’ll get out of your way in a second,” Brooke finally said, her hand gravitating to pick at the hem of her shirt. “Some creep’s trying to hit on me and I really just want to be left alone. So I need you guys to cover for me.”

Chloe was the first to respond, nodding vigirously. “Yeah, of course. I get it.”

Brooke smiled sweetly and the other swore her heart stopped. “You sure have a lot of guys going after you. I hear about it all the time, people asking if I know you so they could get your number.”

”Wh-wha-wh-really?”

Brooke nodded and glanced over her shoulder. “Totally. I tell them I don’t, but I’d love to get it some ti- oh shit, he’s coming.”

Brooke ducked her head and grabbed Michael’s homework and pencil. He immediately threw his hands up in confusion and annoyance, muttering something about popular people as Jeremy slapped him lightly on the arm. 

Soon enough, Thomas Rousse was walking toward them, smiling as he laid eyes on Brooke.

”I thought you said he was dating Dustin,” Rich whispered, glaring in Michael’s direction.

The other shrugged. “I lied.”

Thomas sat down next to Brooke, knees facing out and leaning his back against the table in a vain attempt to look cool. Chloe nearly threw up in her mouth.

”Hey, Brookie,” Thomas said, taking a strand of her hair and curling it with a disgusting finger. The rest of the group, one again, simply stared, this time with disgust. 

“I told you, Tommy, I’m not interested,” Brooke muttered, taking a hand to snatch her hair back, only to be pulled towards Thomas as he refused to relinquish his hold. She grimaced, eyes shut tight and biting her lip.

Rich, who had a clear view, stood up and rested his palms flat on the table. “Dude, she said she’s not interested. Now go away.”

Thomas let go of her hair but didn’t leave. “Hey, let the girl speak for herself. She said she’s not interested, but I’m not sure she’s saying that because she wants to or because you’re telling her to.”

Chloe glanced at Brooke, who had her head hung, tears collecting in her eyes and threatening to roll down her cheeks and ruin her makeup. 

And Chloe, in all her infinite wisdom, deciding to save her makeup and maybe do something for a little self indulgance, spoke.

”She means it. She’s my girlfriend. Now fuck off.”

Brooke and Thomas’s gazes snapped to her. Brooke’s snapped from confusion to understanding to something... else, while Thomas’s stayed on doubt. 

And then, to top it all off, Thomas spoke.

”Really? Prove it.”

Chloe’s eyes widened as Brooke looked at her and leaned in. She could see all the little flecks of green in here eyes, smell the scent of cherry on her breath, feel her breath on her lips. Chloe forced herself to close her eyes as Brooke planted a small and sweet kiss on her lips, hardly giving Chloe the chance to process what the hell was happening or even enjoy the moment before she pulled away, a blissed expression upon her face. 

Thomas cringed and stood up, muttering something probably homophobic as he walked away. Brooke smiled.

”Nice save. Thank you so much, I won’t bother you guys again.”

Chloe couldn’t rip her eyes off of Brooke. Brooke seemed to notice, and after worrying her lip between her teeth, ripped off the corner of Michael’s homework and scribbled something in the corner.

”Here. In case you want to... well, nevermind.”

She placed the piece of paper in Chloe’s hand and walked away.

Michael was the first to recover his mind. “Did she just... give you her number?”

Chloe glanced down. Sure enough, in swirling scrawl, was a phone number with the name “Brooke Lohst” next to it.

Chloe simply nodded.

”Oh my god,” Jeremy muttered. “Did that really just happen?”

”I guess so,” Jake responded. Everyone was silent, Michael eventually pulling back his homework and resuming.

After a few minutes, Rich spoke.

”So, how much you wanna bet that Brooke Lohst is gay?”

To the group’s surprise, Brooke showed up at lunch the next day. And the next. And the next. She soon became integrated into their life and their dynamic, and all the while completely derailing Chloe’s.

Every thought that used to be what boy was fawning over her now, or what homework she had for AP Physics was now overrun by Brooke. Her smile, her laugh, her horrible jokes and interesting stories, her affinity for making the clothes she wore, the way she always carried around a small sewing kit in case of emergencies, the way she would run up to Chloe and hug her, telling her about a new obscure band that she loved. 

As the months rolled on, they grew closer and closer. And every time Brooke said “I love you”- whether it be when Chloe brought her an apple at luch, or when she just felt the need to tell Chloe that she cared for her- it killed her.

In only, if only she knew.

Jenna knew. Christine knew. Michael knew. The entire fucking world probably knew. But still, there was Brooke, absolutely uninterested in Chloe, and killing her in the process.

She was a girl. Chloe couldn’t do that. Every time the thought of Brooke showed up, she resisted the urge to throw up. It hurt, and it was hardly a good hurt. She liked Brooke, yes, but her liking a girl was... wrong.

It didn’t really help the fact that at Homecoming senior year, Chloe definitely fucked up.

A lot.

They were going together as a joke. Neither of them had dates, so they teamed together so people would leave them alone, and to have a fun time. 

So, when Brooke took her hand with a nervous smile as a slow song came on, Chloe was more than a little nervous.

Brooke led her to the middle of the gym floor, her dress swirling around her as she turned around to wrap her arms around Chloe. The red lace of her dress brushed against her legs. Chloe kept her gaze trained on the ground, watching Brooke move to the rhythm, bare feet on the cold gym floor, heels discarded once they arrived. Her knee was scraped, bandaids on her shin when she tripped running into the building. All the little imperfections, somehow still perfect.

Brooke removed a hand and tilted Chloe’s chin up. She resisted the urge to lean into it, just stay there forever in her grasp. 

“Hey,” Brooke whispered, swaying with a slight smile.

”Hey,” Chloe responded.

The other took a deep breath, bright eyes gazing into Chloe’s. Her heart stopped, lungs constricting in an all too-familiar way. Brooke then buried her head in Chloe’s shoulder, lips and teeth in a smile on Chloe’s bare skin. 

“You know, Chlo, I love you a lot,” Brooke breathed, breath all too warm on her skin.

”I know,” Chloe responded, voice shaky in the just... oddness of the situation. Brooke did always choose random times to say she loved Chloe, taking a hold of her heart and making it utterly ache, but this wasn’t normal. “You tell me all the time. Like yesterday when I accidentally hit Jake in the eye at lunch.”

Brooke lifted her head, but didn’t meet Chloe’s eyes. Her gaze was slightly... lower. 

“Yeah but... I love you, Chloe.” 

Chloe tilted her head. “I know, you just told me-“

”Oh my god,” Brooke muttered. “Chlo, how more obvious could I make it? I’ve been crushing on you, for what, a year?” 

Chloe’s mouth dropped open. “...What?”

A dark red flush appeared high on Brooke’s cheekbones. “Yeah, so when I say I love you, I mean it. Like... I know we haven’t even dated, but-“

”Dated?” Chloe gasped. “Brooke, I-“

Everything was moving too fast. Brooke’s warm touch was too hot, too bad, too dirty. Chloe was straight, there was no way she could do this. 

With a choked, confused sob, Chloe yanked herself out of Brooke’s grasp, running helplessly towards the bathroom. Whatever Brooke called out after her was lost to the horrible, deafening sound of blood and panic.

She locked herself in a stall, the now thumping bass shaking her bones, rattling her mind. Everything was too loud, too much, too fast, the world was spinning around her as Chloe collapsed to the ground. 

Chloe leaned against the freezing brick wall, trying in vain to catch her breath. The bathroom was big, anyone else in there could surely hear her gasping, praying that the day would be over, that she could curl up in bed and never get up again. 

“Chloe?” a quiet voice asked, cutting through the loudness. “Chloe, don’t make me crawl under the stall.”

Chloe couldn’t move. She stayed curled up in her ball, unable to even respond when Brooke sighed and got on her knees, crawling under the stall and sitting opposite of Chloe.

And she just... sat. Not moving, just sadly watching Chloe sob, be a warm, unobtrusive body for Chloe to grasp onto when she needed.

When Chloe finally got control of her breathing, Brooke reached out and put a finger under Chloe’s chin to lift it out. The other flinched, suddenly reliving what must have happened no more than ten minutes ago, but Brooke simply moved her hand to the crying girl’s cheek, brushing away a tear.

”You okay?”

Chloe laughed bitterly, the sound coming out more like a bark than a laugh. “What do you think?”

Brooke frowned. “I’m sorry, Chloe. I just thought-“

”No,” Chloe interrupted, taking a hand out and pushing Brooke away lightly. To Chloe’s relief (and possibly displeasure), Brooke didn’t try to go back, simply sitting back and helping Chloe work through her thoughts. “Stop. I know what you thought. I just... have you ever believed something your whole life, known something your entire life, and suddenly that isn’t real anymore? And you just...”

”Don’t know what to do,” Brooke answered.

Chloe nodded, sniffling. “I knew that I was straight. I liked guys. That’s what my parents told me, that’s what everyone told me, that’s what I told myself. But then you come along and fuck everything up.”

Brooke giggled. “That’s a nice way to put it.”

Chloe almost smiled. “I’m hopelessly, utterly attracted to you and I don’t know what to do. I know it’s okay, but it doesn’t feel okay. My parents always told me that I had to be with a man. I had to be straight otherwise...”

She dissolved into tears and allowed herself to be taken into Brooke’s arms, a soft hand rubbing over her back, soft “it’s okay”’s into her ear. 

And, finally: “Then why don’t you just let yourself feel what you’re pushing away?”

Chloe looked up at those eyes, bright and strong, the ones that crinkled up at the corners when she smiled and laughed. 

The ones that someone looked at someone as broken as Chloe with nothing but love. 

“Can we take it slow?”

Brooke smiled softly. “Yeah.”

”Can we not tell anyone until we’re ready?”

”Yeah.”

”Is it okay if I don’t say I love you?”

”Yeah.”

”Can I kiss you?”

Brooke’s smile widened- teeth and all. “Of course.”

And, then, it occurred to Chloe that perhaps there was a reason that Brooke had kissed Chloe when she told Thomas Rousse they were girlfriends.

The kiss was soft and undemanding. Sweet and simple. Not too overwhelming, but with enough of the electricity that Chloe needed.

They broke apart, and Brooke pulled Chloe towards her, arms wrapped around her as if she were going to protect her from everything.

Chloe had never felt safer.

”Love you,” Brooke whispered and kissed a gentle kiss to Chloe’s head.

”Like you too.”

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 8 members online]

gay: hey you guys

gay: you all owe me 120 bucks

brookie: ??????

brookie: no

dick: is what i think it is

gay: yes it is

gay: this is a year coming

jennrolls: man i was kinda hoping you’d forget about that

canoozle: me too

brookie: ???!?!?!????

jakeyd: i’m still slightly mad about that

gay: yeah cause you chose the wrong answer

jerrybean: i mean we were partially right

gay: but that wasn’t the question

cupid: okay but what if we like. don’t have twenty bucks

brookie: i’d lend you money if i KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON

canoozle: rich

jakeyd: rich

cupid: rich

dick: ugh fine

dick: do you remember that time that tommy was hitting on you

brookie: that’s multiple times

dick: the time where you kissed chloe to make him go away

brookie: still multiple times

jakeyd: THE FIRST TIME YOU SAT WITH US AND PRETENDED TO BE DATING CHLOE AND KISSED HER AND THEN CHLOE HAD A FULL ON GAY CRISIS

dick: i could’ve explained that

jakeyd: no you couldn’t

dick: how rude

chloe: i wouldn’t call it full on...

jennrolls: that is such a lie

dick: anyways

dick: after you left we were betting on if you were gay

dick: and mich won

gay: yeah bc i’m the master of the gays

jerrybean: yeah we know you say it all the time. you’re the master of the gays

gay: why thank you mx

jerrybean: of course sir

canoozle: altho isn’t betting on someone’s sexuality kinda rude?

jennrolls: i would’ve taken it as a compliment

cupid: we know

jakeyd: we betted on if dustin kropp was gay before you came over

brookie: ew

canoozle: i know

brookie: but that’s so funny i love it

brookie: couldn’t you just tell by... looking at me?

gay: i could

jerrybean: mhm cause you’re king of the gays

gay: i never said that

jerrybean: you were thinking it

gay: okay yeah i totally was

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 6 members online]

jennrolls: question.

jennrolls: john travolta in grease or john travolta in pulp fiction

dick: pulp fiction

jakeyd: his hair is so ugly in that

dick: you can go fuck off

cupid: damn

cupid: anyways my vote goes to grease bc singing and i’m a slut for whatever era that was

canoozle: 70’s

cupid: thank you

canoozle: i’m going with pulp fiction purely for the scene where he accidentally shoots marvin

jakeyd: waitwait

jakeyd: you’ve seen pulp fiction??

canoozle: yes

brookie: i showed her it

canoozle: i cried laughing when christopher walken gave butch the wrist watch, fell on the ground, subsequently hitting my head on the coffee table and getting a concussion

jennrolls: if that isn’t a mood,

dick: huh

dick: you don’t seem like the kind of person who’d watch pulp fiction

canoozle: yeah there’s a lot you don’t know about me

canoozle: like how i was a french maid for a period of time

dick: are you trying to slip a john mulaney reference past me or what

canoozle: ...maybe

brookie: anyways, i’m going with pulp fiction as well

cupid: man i haven’t even seen pulp fiction

brookie: what the fuck

cupid: what??

jakeyd: you are doing a disgrace to this groupchat, the film industry, and quentin tarentino himself

cupid: idk i’ve never really been into it

cupid: too much violence

canoozle: man i don’t like violence either but pulp fiction is so good

canoozle: you’re missing out on good uma thurman action!!

cupid: what period uma thurman

jennrolls: in her prime

cupid: goddamn

cupid: but what’s so good about christopher walken giving some dude a watch??

dick: holy shit

jakeyd: oh my god

jennrolls: oh boy

canoozle: i’m gonna get concussed again

brookie: oh honey, you’ve got a big storm coming

brookie: who wants to show her

jakeyd: PLEASE

jakeyd: https://youtu.be/kWp6hZ-5ndc

jakeyd: just for the record, you are about  to witness fucking ART

cupid: wtf is this racist cartoon

cupid: okay so it’s chris walken 

cupid: aw his dad died that’s sad

cupid: it’s a cool watch

cupid: what’s supposed to be so funny about this?

brookie: just fucking WAIT

cupid: okay okay

cupid: he just puts it in a coffee can??

cupid: noo the grandpa died before he saw his kid, that’s so sad

cupid: okay dad got it

cupid: HOLY SHIT

dick: she got to it

cupid: OH MY FUCKING GOD

cupid: IM CRYING

canoozle: told you

cupid: HE SAYS IT SO NONCHALANTLY

cupid: i have a whole new respect for christopher walken

dick: i think we all do

cupid: i would like to change my answer to john travolta in pulp fiction

brookie: you haven’t even seen him in it

cupid: yes but that entire scene has me sold on it

jennrolls: cool

jennrolls: but you were all wrong

jennrolls: the correct answer is john travolta in bolt

canoozle: ...

jakeyd: the door is on your left, please use it

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 3 members online]

gay: i think i have transcended

gay: i am no longer part of this reality

jakeyd: michael how high are you

jakeyd: do we need to call jeremy

gay: nononono

gay: i’m not high

dick: really?

gay: okay maybe a little bit

gay: but only on life

dick: you are so full of shit

gay: no legit i’m not high

gay: but if you can get high off caffeine, then i definitely am

jakeyd: jesus christ

jakeyd: how much caffeine have you drank

gay: uhhh

gay: i think a better question is how long i’ve been awake

gay: what day is it?

dick: i’m afraid to tell you cause i’m not sure i want to know the answer

jakeyd: it’s wednesday

gay: oh wow

gay: i think it’s been three days

gay: maybe four

dick: jesus christ i’m calling jeremy

gay: he broke his phone

gay: that’s probably the reason why he’s let me stay awake this long

jakeyd: so your primary support system is out, are we your babysitters now?

gay: no no no

gay: yall need to keep me awake for like one more hour

dick: and why the fuck would we do that?

gay: i need to write one more line of vocals, it’s only a harmony

jakeyd: is this why you’ve been awake for three to four days?

gay: yes

gay: chris needs the music soon so she can put on the play and i have to have an original score due at 9 am today and i fucking procrastinate

dick: bad michael

gay: yes bad michael just keep me awake i think i’ll die if i drink another energy drink

jakeyd: you’re gonna die if you don’t get sleep!!

gay: yeah yeah

gay: one more hour

jakeyd: no! go to bed!

gay: cmon dad pleeeease

jakeyd: did you just

jakeyd: did he just

dick: yes

jakeyd: why the fuck are you like this

gay: because i hate humanity

gay: now keep me AWAKE

dick: ...fine

jakeyd: michael

jakeyd: michaeeeel

dick: i think he’s asleep

jakeyd: thank god

jakeyd: sweet dreams bud

jakeyd: now on another note, why are you awake?

dick: why are you awake?

jakeyd: do not turn this on me, richard goranski

jakeyd: you should be asleep right now, you have school

dick: you do too!

jakeyd: DONT TEST ME RICH GO TO BED

dick: JESUS CHRIST NO WONDER HE CALLED YOU DAD

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 8 members online]

gay: OKAY

gay: WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT LOVE, SIMON

jennrolls: mhm.jpg

canoozle: i can’t believe you have that saved

jennrolls: i’m a true memer, christine

canoozle: ah, yes, how could i forget

gay: FORGET THE MEMES LETS FOCUS ON THE GAY

jerrybean: yeah, that’s we always do, cause you never shut up

gay: i thought u loved me

jerrybean: i do ;)

dick: this isn’t the kind of gay shit i signed up for

jakeyd: okay but can we actually talk about love, simon?? that movie was iconic

brookie: i cried

cupid: i sobbed

jennrolls: i’m somehow not surprised by that

canoozle: i saw it with eri and almost had to leave because i was ugly crying at the ferris wheel scene

brookie: OH MY GOD THE FERRIS WHEEL SCENE

jakeyd: the entire theater started clapping when simon and bram kissed

jerrybean: i actually cried at that part

canoozle: what??

gay: you did????

canoozle: i never thought the day would come

gay: damnit i wish i was there for that

dick: ???

jakeyd: i can’t believe a movie finally made you cry

brookie: i don’t understand

cupid: ditto

jennrolls: tritto

dick: wtf

jennrolls: go with it

canoozle: we’ve never gotten jer to cry at a movie

gay: we sat him down for a full day and tried to find the saddest movies to show him and he was stonefaced the entire time

jakeyd: kind of ironic considering he’s one of the most emotionally fragile people i know

jerrybean: excuse me

jakeyd: you can’t deny it

jerrybean: fine

jerrybean: honestly it’s not a surprise i cried at the gay one

jennrolls: yeah why was it the gay one?

jerrybean: i finally felt represented i guess? and it had a happy ending and was adorable and i was lowkey living vicariously through simon with his relationship with his mom cause i didn’t get that

canoozle: that’s adorable

dick: but wait

dick: ur bi

jerrybean: half gay

gay: that is such a fuckin lie

gay: no way it’s 50/50

gay: you talk about how hot guys are more than girls

jerrybean: maybe it’s because you’re a guy

gay: are you implying that i make you talk about guys more than girls

gay: because you lean toward guys

gay: you’ve said so

jakeyd: i can confirm

jerrybean: okay fine

jerrybean: you’re all gay why do i bother

dick: i mean

brookie: we know rich

cupid: we know rich

canoozle: we know

jennrolls: oh hun, we know

gay: this is an exclusively gay group chat

jerrybean: what if i go talk to brooke and chloe about girls

gay: we’re here to talk about love, simon, it’s not love, simone

jerrybean: AND THATS MY CUE TO LEAVE

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

jerrybean: YKNOW WHAT MAKES ME REALLY MAD

cupid: terfs

jakeyd: donald trump

dick: paradoxes

brookie: that kid that sat next to you in a lecture

jerrybean: YES ALL OF THOSE

jerrybean: BUT I HAVE A NEW ONE

cupid: spill

jerrybean: U G H

jerrybean: it’s still making me cry ughhhh

brookie: oh honey

brookie: do you need a hug

jerrybean: yes but i don’t think my roommate would appreciate me waking him up

dick: he’s asleep? it’s only 11

jakeyd: believe it or not, that’s late for some people

cupid: anyways

jerrybean: so you guys know pip

cupid: of course i love her

brookie: how could i not

jerrybean: yeah so i’ve been studying like all this weekend and decided to go out to eat. and i went to chipotle since i know someone who works there (she wasn’t there which just ugh) 

jerrybean: and i bring pip with me! like, why would i not? i put her vest thing on and walk down there since it’s near campus

jerrybean: i got pip since my episodes would get super bad and i shut myself in my dorm and had to get someone every morning to get me to go to my classes and remind me to take my meds and shit among many other things. michael helped me do it in high school but it got so much worse in college

brookie: sorry to interrupt but are you saying michael was basically your service dog?

jerrybean: yes pretty much

jerrybean: he did it more forcefully

dick: of course

jerrybean: but anyways i would get super nervous going into crowded places because of previous anxiety and whenever i heard a voice behind me i’d get super freaked out. so i go in there, pip’s with me and everyone’s chill with it, and i get to ordering and tell pip behind and

brookie: wait wait sorry

brookie: behind?

jerrybean: oh jeez yeah i forgot that people don’t know those commands

jerrybean: i get her to stand behind me and kinda lean on me since it gives me person space, grounds me, and makes sure no one bumps into me, cause i’m afraid it’s the squip again or someone trying to kill me i don’t fuckin know

jerrybean: anyways i’m standing in line, and it’s a fairly large chipotle and really busy and pip’s doing her best but i start getting really nervous. i start stuttering more when i’m ordering and pip picks up that i’m nervous and nuzzles me and licks at me to ground me, but she gets out of her behind position and someone fucking bumps into me

jerrybean: and then i go into full panic attack mode, and they’re pretty damn bad. and i don’t blame pip, she’s just trying to calm me down, she’s doing what she’s trained to do. so i stutter out brace since it feels like i’m gonna fall over and lean on pip. i get out the card i have in my wallet that basically says “i’m having a panic attack and/or ptsd episode, i have a service dog and she’s trained to lay on my chest to calm me down, is there somewhere i can lay down” blah blah blah

jerrybean: and the worker’s like “we can’t let you in the back bc of sanitary stuff, you can lay in the bathroom or in the corner”

jerrybean: the fucking corner

jakeyd: really?

jerrybean: YES

dick: can’t they like. wash their hands and shit

cupid: it’s not like you’re touching the food

jerrybean: i fucking know, right?

jerrybean: yeah so i’m not going in the fucking chipotle bathrooms so i go in the corner and lay down and get pip to lay on my chest bc deep pressure therapy is honestly a life saver

jerrybean: but it gets worse

dick: oh god

brookie: i swear to god nobody better have hurt you or pip

jerrybean: not exactly

brookie: WHO DO I NEED TO MURDER

cupid: yo chill

brookie: ...

brookie: you better tell me

jerrybean: okay okay

jerrybean: so pip’s laying on me and making sure nobody gets near and this fucking lady starts trying to get her attention and get her to come

jakeyd: woah woah woah

jakeyd: are you serious?

jerrybean: as a goddamn heart attack

jerrybean: so she gets confused and distracted, not at first but this lady keeps on doing it

jerrybean: and, i kid you not, this fucking lady comes up and starts petting her and tries to get her off me. she starts pushing pip off me. and she doesn’t know what to do, i don’t fucking know what to do, i’m crying at this point because i’m having a goddamn panic attack and someone’s touching my dog who is doing a job and i’m mad and confused and just why the fuck would you do that???

brookie: i’m coming to baltimore.

jerrybean: brooke no

brookie: BROOKE YES

brookie: THATS SO OUT OF LINE AND PROBABLY ILLEGAL 

dick: i normally don’t condone this sort of behavior but i’m coming with

jakeyd: you often condone that behavior

dick: ..fine

jakeyd: but i’ll come with too

cupid: same, i’ll cuss out and slap anyone who even gets near pip

jerrybean: guys you don’t have to

brookie: no. it makes you mad and hurts you, so it make us mad and hurts us. when you’re back and nj we’ll all protect you from idiots

jakeyd: agreed. we’ve got your back

jerrybean: thank you

jerrybean: lmao pip’s coming up on my bed and licking my face since i’m crying

cupid: give that pup love from me

brookie: and me

dick: give her a treat from me

jakeyd: tell her uncle jake loves her

jerrybean: i will 

jerrybean: thank you.

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 3 members online]

jerrybean: yo

jerrybean: how do you guys do makeup. like, good makeup

cupid: why??

jerrybean: long story short i lost a bet to jake

[jakeyd came online]

jakeyd: yep so basically he doubts my extensive knowledge of spring awakening

jerrybean: it’s kind of freaky, he knows way too much about the actors

jerrybean: esp the deaf west cast

jakeyd: okay well i’m sorry that daniel n. durant was my gay awakening

jerrybean: hey hey hey i’m not saying that’s bad,

jerrybean: i’m just sayin austin p mckenzie’s better

jakeyd: yes but there is no way don’t do sadness didn’t give you chills and turn you on 

jerrybean: again, kind of freaky

jerrybean: but it was pretty cool when moritz jumped off the ladder

jerrybean: but still, austin p mckenzie > daniel n durant

jakeyd: you tell l i e s

jakeyd: chloe and brooke. settle this

brookie: you’re asking the wrong people

cupid: i don’t even know who they are

jakeyd: we can’t be friends

jerrybean: that is the exact same thing you said when i told you i hadn’t heard of deaf west

brookie: ba dum tss

cupid: ??

brookie: get it

brookie: cause

brookie: cause it’s called deaf west

brookie: and he hasn’t heard of it

brookie: ...

brookie: nvm

cupid: anyways

cupid: jake why do you know so much about fall awakening?

jakeyd: spring awakening

cupid: yeah same thing

jakeyd: ...okay

jakeyd: i don’t know, it’s the only musical i’ve actually got into and listened to and liked, and musicals aren’t really my thing so when i found one that i liked, i really got into it

brookie: wait, i thought you were a theater kid?

jakeyd: that’s laughable

jakeyd: nah, i’m the techie

cupid: you know, that explains... a lot

jakeyd: yep

jakeyd: anyways, i worked for that theater company all throughout high school, it was playhouse something? and junior year (before the squip) they did spring awakening, and i was on tech and ran lights for it and it kinda snowballed from there

brookie: then why were you in the play junior year?

jakeyd: brooke, i was in tech

brookie: no you were NOT

jerrybean: no i specifically remember you having a line

jakeyd: i 100% did not have a line

jakeyd: i walked backstage bc you guys were being idiots and i was doing last minute checks, got squipped and said stuff i guess?

cupid: you did NOT

jakeyd: I REALLY DID

jerrybean: you are a fucking liar, jacob dillinger

jakeyd: I AM NOT

jakeyd: ARE YOU GUYS HIGH?

cupid: no we just HAVE AN ACTUAL MEMORY

jakeyd: YOU WERE SQUIPPED WHAT DO YOU KNOW

brookie: YOU WERE TOO

jakeyd: I INITIALED THE GODDAMN BALCONY 

jerrybean: YOU DID NOT

jakeyd: WELL THEN YOU’RE ALL JUST FUCKING OBLIVIOUS

Chapter Text

“Hey, Michael?”

Michael looked up from the small instrument he was holding, the slightly dissonant chord dissolving into the night air. The crickets that strummed their melodies beyond the open window went on, playing endlessly into the cool summer night. The only sounds that came from inside the boy’s dimly lit room was steady, slighly shaky breathing and voices and a badly played ukulele.

”Yeah?”

Jeremy sat up to face Michael with a small smile. “Please give that back to me.”

Michael sighed and handed Jeremy the ukulele, who held it with much more grace and care than Michael could ever manage. “C’mon, I’m not that bad.”

Jeremy snorted. “Dude, you’re horrible. Your fingers are too big and you’re better at instruments that you can be rough on, not something so tiny.”

Michael clutched his heart in mock pain. “I’m hurt.”

Jeremy smiled and sighed, making a quiet hum of acknowledgment to the other. He lowered himself back onto his back, head on the pillows as Michael laid the other way. 

The moonlight streamed through the open window in silvery shadows, illuminating Jeremy’s face as he strummed mindlessly on his ukulele. Soft chords like lullabies appeared beneath his fingertips.

Michael always wondered why Jeremy didn’t try to pick up another instrument. He had musician’s hands; long, dainty fingers that could pluck out any melody if given the chance, callouses on the tips of his fingers from years of playing the ukulele. They were gentle enough to make any song sound like you were falling into the arms of the person you loved the most, quick enough to play fast song that would give you goosebumps in the best way. 

When Jeremy wasn’t playing the ukulele, those fingers constantly twirled a pencil between them, drummed out beats to a song in the boy’s head on his desk in the middle of class. They would gently brush at Michael’s temples as they settled comfortly on the side of his face when Jeremy leaned in for a goodbye kiss. They would run through Michael’s hair when he cried, dig their always-short nails into Michael’s back and drag down as he kissed Jeremy’s neck. 

Yet, when Michael looked back, his always-moving fingers had stopped, simply sitting on the strings of the ukulele with no momentum in any direction.

Michael glanced up at Jeremy’s face. His eyes were open, staring blankly at the ceiling.

”What’s wrong?” he whispered.

Jeremy simply shook his head and gave Michael a reassuring smile. “Nothing, just tired.”

Michael frowned, leaning up on his elbows. “No... I know that song. You love that song. You refuse to get out of the car until it finishes when you play it. And your hands are... still. I haven’t seen you this still since the Squip.”

Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed the slight contraction of Jeremy’s face, the way his arm and neck twitched ever so slightly in an attempt to cover up a flinch.

But Michael did. And Jeremy knew that.

Jeremy set the ukulele down beside him, in the space between them, and ran his hands over his face. “I don’t know. I’m just thinking too much, I guess.”

Michael moved so he was laying the proper way on the bed. “What about?”

The boy next to him sighed, his chest rising and falling in the gray light. “I... well, about the future, I guess. About us. What’s going to happen in college and in life and in just... everything.”

Michael stopped for a moment. “Was that why you were playing ‘Growing Old on Bleecker Street’?”

Jeremy smiled, close lipped, but it was still a smile. “Maybe a little bit.”

”A lot a bit.”

”Okay, a lot a bit.”

”You know, Jeremy, no matter what happens between us, I’ll still be there for you.”

”I know.”

Michael rolled over to face the other. “I don’t think you do.”

Jeremy just breathed, eyes closed, in a façade of calm and serenity.

Michael, in turn, took one of his hands, treasuring the callouses and the way Jeremy’s long, thin fingers slotted perfectly between his. He brought his hand to his lips, pressing against there gently.

”Jeremiah Heere,” he whispered, hot breath against Jeremy’s fingers, “I’m always going to be there for you, okay? No matter what happens. If we turn to dust or grow old together. It might just be dreams, but at least you’re in them, and I’m there with you.”

Jeremy shifted to lay his head on Michael’s chest, to hear the steady beat of his heart, the internal music that was always playing within him. Jeremy let out a breath, slowly and safe, curled up in the arms of the one he loved.

”You promise?”

”I promise.”

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 6 members online]

brookie: okay uh

brookie: there are highkey chickens all over the dorms

brookie: like at least 100

jennrolls: how the hell did that happen?

brookie: ...no comment

canoozle: brooke

brookie: i am mostly innocent

brookie: it’s not my fault that all the stairwell doors were conveniently open

cupid: oh my god i love you

jakeyd: okay, wait, are they just huddled up or roaming through the dorms?

brookie: they’re literally everywhere 

brookie: asighting.png

dick: how the hell do you get that many chickens in one place without people noticing

brookie: strategically placed bank notes and anonymous notes in the ra’s dorm and laundry baskets

brookie: and then baskets with free eggs

jennrolls: how the f u c k

brookie: lets just say the chickens are stage one, they’re using the eggs for other nefarious purposes

brookie: that’s all the information i am allowed to give  

jennrolls: what, are you sworn to secrecy?

brookie: quite literally, yes

canoozle: this isn’t some sort of cult initiation, is it?

brookie: i’m not allowed to say

brookie: jk it’s not

cupid: jesus christ you nearly gave me a heart attack

jakeyd: lit

jakeyd: oh my god, speaking of which

jennrolls: should we be concerned?

dick: quite

jakeyd: my roommate and i nearly burnt down our dorm

cupid: i shouldn’t be surprised but how in the ever loving fuck

jakeyd: a bad day of arts and crafts

dick: care to elaborate?

jakeyd: fine

jakeyd: we found this tutorial (not really tho) on yt on a homemade glue gun

brookie: i haven’t even heard the outcome but i already know this is an incredibly stupid idea

jakeyd: so we make the thing and we don’t really know a lot about voltage or electricity

cupid: oh no.

jakeyd: so i guess it was too many volts or something?

jennrolls: oh god

jakeyd: so it just kinda.

canoozle: i’m nervous for this

jakeyd: ...blew up. like, burned the outlet, the cardboard fucking lit on fire and smoldered. and not in a flynn rider way

jakeyd: we also had it sitting on paper towel on a wooden table so the paper towel was IMMEDIATELY engulfed in flames and the table is now singed, we set off the fire alarms and our building had to evacuate

canoozle: you’re lucky you’re okay, jeez!

cupid: i have a feeling you shouldn’t be allowed near youtube tutorials or hardware stores for awhile

jakeyd: come on, we already found one for making a homemade laser printer!

brookie: NO

canoozle: that’s a really bad idea

jennrolls: do you want to get charged with arson?

cupid: you’re an idiot

dick: am i the only one who wants to see what would happen?

cupid: yes

cupid: stop encouraging his behavior and jake sit in the corner to think about what you’ve done

jakeyd: ...

jakeyd: y’all are weird

Chapter Text

we should be friends - josh ramsay

an au in which rich is prone to one night stands and is incredibly oblivious, and jake is a famous (mostly straight) musician who just so happens to meet rich one night at a bar.

Rich’s head was pounding.

The events of last night flashed behind his eyelids like strobe lights, coming and going, bright and hot. A constant rhythm, the thump of bass, echoed behind his eyes and in his temples. He vaguely remembered jello shots that tasted like cough syrup, singing until his lungs burnt, getting into an Uber with a tall and muscular guy…

Rich laid his head on the table and groaned.

“Well, you look like shit.”

Rich lifted his head up and was greeted with a smirking Chloe who held two steaming cups of coffee. Rich merely muttered out a “thanks” and grabbed the mug.

Chloe sat down in the chair across from Rich, legs scraping the floor that caused a sharp pain to shoot through his temples.

“What happened?” Chloe asked, leaning back and taking a sip of her coffee. “Damn, that’s hot.”

“What happened? Bad decisions, Chloe. Bad decisions,” Rich said, while cautiously trying his scorching coffee. “I’m out of college, you’d think I’d do better and not get so drunk that I don’t remember what happened last night.”

Chloe smiled over her mug. “Shit, Jeremy’s still in college and he’s doing better than you.”

“Yeah, he’s studying to be a surgeon and I’m over here with the worst hangover I’ve ever had.”

Chloe chuckled and looked over her shoulder. “Jenna and Brooke should be over soon, so try a little less to look like your soul has left your body, otherwise you’re going to get a lot of questions.”

“Someone’s soul left their body?” a voice said behind Chloe. Jenna threw her bag on the chair and sat down, revealing Brooke behind her, who leaned down and pressed a kiss of her girlfriend’s cheek. Chloe blushed and buried her nose in Brooke’s shoulder.

“Gross,” Rich groaned.

Brooke separated herself from Chloe and took the last remaining seat.

She glanced at Rich, looked down at the menu, then snapped her head back to Rich.

“What the hell happened to you?”

Rich groaned and buried his head in his hands. “I’m 90% sure that I had a one night stand.”

Jenna laughed. “Girl or guy?”

“Guy. I think.”

Chloe raised her eyebrows and “ooh”’d. The other girls joined in.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rich said.

The girls continued to chat, their talk slowly dissolving into a dull murmur. Music from the café played in the bathroom, sounding oddly familiar…

A tall boy with dirty blonde hair that draped down to his ears dragged him by the hand, hair whipping around him in the wind. Between steps, he pressed kisses to Rich’s lips, laughing and smiling from a few too many drinks. The air was chilly, but the pleasant warm buzz in Rich’s chest combated the cold.

They eventually reached the curb outside the bar, stumbling and getting as close as was acceptable in public, kissing beneath a streetlight.

Rich eventually broke away, practically gasping for breath. “Why’d we leave?” he asked, brushing the hair out of the boy’s face.

The boy smiled. “Didn’t like the song,” he whispered, voice soft but powerful.

“That’s reasonable,” Rich said, leaning back in for a kiss. After a bit, he broke away once again. “Hey, before this goes any further, I should probably ask so I don’t sound like a dick… what’s your name?”

The boy glanced away, fingertips tracing Rich’s jawline lightly, the ghost-like touch sending lightning down his spine. “I’ll be gone tomorrow. What’s the point in knowing if you’ll never see me again?”

The boy pressed his lips back to Rich, hot and heavy-

“Hey? Earth to Rich!”

Rich snapped out of his daydream to be greeted with Chloe waving a hand in front of his face. He waved it away.

“Yeah, sorry, I just… well, let’s just say that I’m 99% sure that I had a one night stand.”

Brooke laughed. “What, did you have a vision?”

“More like a flashback. He was really cute. Wouldn’t tell me his name, though.”

Jenna raised an eyebrow. “You might wanna get tested.”

Brooke snorted. “It’s not the first time he’s done this. He uses a condom. You did use a condom, right?”

Rich shrugged. “I sure fucking hope.”

Chloe smiled and looked down at her phone. “Hey, guys, look at this, Jake Dillinger just tweeted!”

Brooke grabbed the phone from her. “‘Can’t get this boy out of my head…’ Oh my god, is he gay?”

Jenna peered over the table. “Maybe? Who do you think it is?”

Chloe snatched her phone back. “I don’t know, but he never tweets, so it must be good. Oh, hey, look at this! ‘Met a redheaded boy last night, hope I see him again’. Ooh, he’s definitely gay.”

Rich took the phone from Chloe’s hands. “Here, let me see that.”

He was met with a tweet from Jake Dillinger. He recognized the name somewhere, he was a musician. Pretty popular, as well. He glanced at the profile picture-

“Holy shit.”

-and dropped the phone.

Rich shot up from his chair and started pacing around the table, the girls staring at him.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jenna asked, giving Chloe’s phone back to her.

Rich turned to her with as close as he would ever get to pure panic. “It’s me.”

Jenna blinked. “What?”

“It’s me, oh my god, how did I not realize that, I never would’ve done that, oh my god-“

“Rich!” Brooke interjected. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Rich stared at her, pulling at his hair with his hands. “I… I think I had a one night stand with Jake Dillinger.”

Chloe spit her coffee everywhere.

“So… how was he?”

“Is that really what we’re asking?”

They had left the coffee shop, Rich leaning on Jenna’s shoulders for support. The events of last night, including the more… acrobatic excursions slowly trickled back like a leaking faucet. His lips tingled at the thoughts, the red crescent-moon shaped marks in his back aching. Like tidal waves, the memories came flowing back, ebbing slowly with fuzzy images from an alcohol-fueled eyes, the ghost of calloused fingers tracing down his chest and back and… lower.

The voice, he realized, was quite familiar. The slight lilt, the rough yet boyish charm, how every word he said seemed oddly melodic and pulled Rich right in.

No wonder the night worked out the way it did.

Chloe lay a tentative hand on Rich’s shoulder. “You okay? Looks like you’re lost in thought again.”

Rich shook his head, hair falling into his eyes as he pushed back the flow of memories. “Yeah, just… I can’t believe I did that.”

Brooke hummed in agreement. “None of us can. How do you know it was… him?”

Rich shrugged. It wasn’t necessarily that he had time to realize that he was experiencing every inch of Jake-goddamn-Dillinger, but more of the tiny things that he realized he wanted to only experience more. The green specks in the blue eyes that Rich could only see when they were nose to nose, the small moles on his cheeks and cheekbones that melted into light freckles, the feeling of slight stubble against the pads of Rich’s fingers, the waves of his hair that fit perfectly between his fingers, the shaky, unsure hands that drifted lower down Rich’s skin, the rough, whispered groan in his ear as Rich walked him through what he was about to do, the vibrations in his neck as he softly sang to himself to adjust to the overload of new sensations. His voice spread throughout the room, a beautiful melody rolling off his tongue.

“His voice, probably,” Rich finally decided. “It was too… melodic. Too strong and practiced for someone who had no idea what he was doing.”

Jenna cocked an eyebrow. “Was he inexperienced?”

Rich bit his lip. “I… am I allowed to say this?”

Brooke stopped in her tracks and locked eyes with him. “Spill.”

He took a breath. “He was like a fucking virgin. I… think I was his first.”

“He’s had a lot of girlfriends before,” Chloe said. “He’s hot, there’s no way he’s a virgin.”

Jenna blinked. “Chloe. His first.”

Chloe coughed loudly as she practically choked on air. “Oh my god. Rich, you’re a fucking legend.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Every subsequent Saturday was spent in that same Philadelphia nightclub to search for that elusive one night stand. Jake’s twitter page was constantly open, to even get a glimpse of his whereabouts. It could’ve been considered stalking, but it was a public page. Rich was just trying to uncover a lost connection.

Girl and guys in minimal clothing or covered in glitter brushed past him, danced with him, but he was never able to get his mind off of that one night. The strobe lights were burned into the shape of a smiling face, or blue eyes, of wavy hair at the back of his mind.

Weeks and drinks and close contact went by, the pounding of bass lulling Rich to sleep on those unsuccessful nights. Cryptic tweets floated through Rich’s notifications, red hair being a common theme.

Finally, Rich found himself sitting at the bar, a beer and hand and mindless music that he had heard for weeks on end floating into his ears. Swear and glitter permeated the air, all too familiar for the months he had been trying to find one person.

Finally, the bass lowered slightly, an all too familiar voice that had whispered in his ear pumping through the nightclub’s speakers, nearly drowned out by screaming voices of the club’s patrons. “Three AM staring at my phone, hoping you’re wondering if I’m alone…”

And then, an idea.

The music pulsed as Rich pushed himself through the heartbeat of the crowd towards the entrance. “Drive me crazy when you’re here, make me mad when you’re away, the sheets just aren’t as warm without you in them…”

Rich slammed open the doors, and the words and beats no longer registered.

Underneath a yellow streetlight, a tall boy stood with dirty blonde hair waving wildly in the wind.

Rich’s legs carried him over underneath the light, his voice somehow finding him.

“Why’d you leave?”

The blue eyes with green specks, light freckles, wavy hair, and light stubble turned around to meet him. And underneath the lips that Rich had gotten to know so well within those few hours, a smile with blindingly white teeth emerged.

“Didn’t like the music.”

Rich smirked. “I think it’s pretty good. The guy has a nice voice. Especially when he’s moaning.”

Jake’s chest jerked sharply as he laughed. “Nah, it’s not that good. He uses autotune and is a fucking sellout.”

“Well, I can’t complain.” Rich’s hand trailed to trace his jawline. “I’ve been looking for you.”

The other boy closed his eyes and leaned his head into the touch. “I hoped the cryptic clues were enough. I didn’t have enough time to come back here, though.”

Rich’s voice dropped to a whisper. “As long as you have a little more time for me, I don’t mind.”

Jake’s smile radiated light, sending heat straight into Rich’s heart. The blue, piercing eyes opened, eyelashes lifting softly from their place on his cheekbones. Every feature about him was incredibly gentle, Rich realized, to be further explored and cared for, all with the same wonder he had that first night.

“Take all the time you need. I still have a lot to learn.”

Rich blinked. “And you’re willing to learn it with me?”

“You’re the only person whose ever made me want to…” he trailed off, looking for a nonexistent name.

“Rich,” he said.

“Rich,” Jake repeated, the name sounding infinitely better from his lips than from anyone else’s. “I like it. You willing to spend a little more time with me?”

“I’m sure I can find some.”

Jake chuckled. “Of all the people in all the cities I’ve been in, it has to be you.”

Rich smirked. “Maybe you haven’t been looking for the right people.”

Jake settled his mouth into a contented smile, forehead rested against the other’s.

“Maybe I haven’t. But I think I might’ve found my place.”

feel it all (acoustic) - vinyl theatre

a soulmate au where soulmates have the ability to heal each other, featuring a jeremiah heere who believes he is going crazy, and a michael mell who is worried that his love is unrequited. trigger warning for suicide (kind of, not major) at the end.

When Michael was ten, he fell out of a tree.

His small scream of terror sent ice water down Jeremy’s spine as his new best friend plummeted down from the frail branch he was, moments ago, just perched on. The shock barely registered behind the falling boy’s blocky glasses before a thump and a barely audible, yet petrifying crack signified that gravity had completed its job.

The other boy crawled down the tree, branches and leaves leaving gashes on his hands in his hurry. The fact that neither mama or inay were home were accompanied with his dad’s reminder that even ten foot falls are fatal…

The crumpled figure laying on the grass and dew reminded Jeremy that that was way more than ten feet.

“Michael?” Jeremy called the moment his feet hit the ground.

No response.

The boy gingerly knelt next to his best friend, who Jeremy declared, with the knowledge from the first-aid booklet inay made him read, was thoroughly unconscious. Dark skin bent awkwardly around bones bent at unnatural angles, long and dark hair matted at a growing stripe of red at the base of his forehead.

And, perhaps worst of all, Michael’s black, block glasses were split clean through the middle.

Michael’s moms were going to kill him.

Jeremy’s throat tightened and constricted the air he was desperately trying to suck in. The ten year-old’s hands shook as he brushed away Michael’s bloody hair, feather-light as not to worsen the injury. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could, the rumbling in his ears distracting him from the disturbing sensation underneath his fingers. Jeremy slowly pried his eyes open to asses the situation.

He was met with normal skin. No gash gushing blood, only slowly drying, dissipating red liquid and a warm feeling in his hand spreading steadily up his forearm.

Jeremy experimentally passed a hand over Michael’s arm, which seemingly mended itself in the same manner, the bones moving underneath his skin in a sickening glide.

The young boy was considering fleeing the country in panic as brown eyes fluttered open, a warm but confused smile spreading as he saw his best friend.

“What happened?”

Jeremy blinked. “Uh, you kinda fell.”

Michael glanced up to the waving branches and leaves swaying in the wind. “That looks pretty far.”

The other boy nodded, his arm now prickling more painfully. “You landed on your arm, are you okay?”

Michael knitted his eyebrows, moving his arm carefully before pushing himself up with it. “Yeah, it seems fine. That’s… weird.”

Jeremy’s brain swirled with conflicting emotions, his friend was okay, but he was probably a witch… it took everything to simply nod.

His arm was now consumed by flames, licking and crawling and tearing at his skin and pain tolerance. It hurt unlike anything else he had ever experienced, more than the time he fell off his bike and split his head open because his mom hadn’t bothered giving him a helmet.

Yet, he still held a hand out to Michael, pulling him up and suggesting they call mama and inay.

When Michael was ten, he went to the doctor after falling out of a tree on his arm.

He received no cast, no painkillers, no major medical attention.

There was no injury whatsoever, not even a bone that had healed from a break.

That night, Jeremy sat in his bed until the sun was far past its resting place, the moonlight trickling through his curtains. His arm tingled, almost as if it were asleep, and not just mended a bone. He stared at his hands- small, covered in small cuts from scaling the tree. His hands, those simple hands that had not ever created anything special. They held no magic, no healing powers that he read about in the books that he and Michael would read to distract Jeremy from the sounds of his parents arguing right outside his bedroom door. There was no way he just healed a broken bone.

Yet, the tingling feeling remained, slowly disappearing, as if poison was steadily draining from his system. Michael had no injury to his arm.

And Jeremy had fixed it.

The ten year-old groaned and flopped onto his back.

He was going crazy.

Michael had a constant tingling in his fingers. It almost burned, as if he was passing his fingers through a small flame and the pain had not yet registered. There was nothing wrong with them- the irrational part of him told him it was arthritis- but he knew the truth.

The pain in his fingers, the sometimes shooting pain and shock was how Michael realized that he liked boys.

Particularly Jeremiah Heere.

When Jeremy was fifteen, his mom left. The very beginning of sophomore year, the tenth grader woke up to a note on his kitchen counter in his mother’s writing, scathing words of how she was never happy here, how she regretted ever meeting his father, and his parents’ bed with only one figure in it.

By the time that Michael had caught word, a school day had passed, eight hours of an emotionally unstable Jeremy Heere alone in the midst of- what Michael would later describe it as- hell. His lungs burned as he sprinted to the Heere’s residence, the familiar dwelling somehow seeming infinitely darker, the driveway- the one that Michael had drawn chalk on and started bike races on and crawled on when sneaking to Jeremy’s house- was missing a car.

He didn’t bother knocking on the door, only opened it and took quiet steps in a path he had travelled so many times before.

Jeremy’s door was ajar, and Michael pushed it open slowly, the slight squeak alerting the boy laying in a ball on the bed to his guest.

His voice was barely audible when he spoke, scratchy and tired. “Go away.”

Michael sighed. “I’m not leaving.”

Michael could only imagine the scene on the other side of the bed, a teenager who had just lost his mom laying on the bed, tears staining his face, hair greasy from neglect. He could only imagine the way Jeremy was staring at the wall opposite him, eyes empty and dull, imagining he’d hear the familiar scratch of a key on the front door and his mother’s heels clicking on the tile, her tired but loving call for her son. He could only imagine how it felt when she started coming home later and later, how Jeremy would stare at his ceiling and wait for the key, the call no longer coming. He could only imagine how it felt when she stopped cracking Jeremy’s door open gently when she got home to check on her son, when her eyes no longer held love for her family, for her own son. He could only imagine how it felt when Jeremy realized that she would never come home.

There was no way he could leave.

Jeremy’s voice sounded thicker when the small voice finally broke through the silence. “I don’t want you here.”

Michael ignored how the words hurt. “Why not? I’m not going to leave you, you know.”

Jeremy rolled over and sat up, and Michael finally saw him. His hair was messy in all the wrong ways, eyes puffy, red splotches covering his cheeks, eyelashes weighed down with stray tears. “I wish you would. Please, Michael, just go,” he whispered, voice breaking at the end.

Michael stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. “You can’t go through this alone. I’m not going anywhere.”

Without warning, Jeremy’s body contorted as he punched his bed frame, a dull thump ringing through the room, before Jeremy stormed over to his best friend. He was close , so close that Michael could see how his eyelashes clumped together from the tears, how his hair waved back and forth from the punches he was now pounding into Michael’s chest, how his lips moved and face scrunched up as he screamed with every punch.

“Get- the- fuck- out!”

With the last word, Jeremy lowered a shaky fist, knuckles torn open from punching his bed frame. Tears streamed down his face, his cheeks red and irritated as a broken sound escaped from his mouth.

Michael reached for his bloodied hands, shaking and broken, and led the sobbing Jeremy to his bed and sitting him down before enveloping him in a hug. Jeremy leaned his head into Michael’s shoulder, back jerking with sharp gasps for air between sobs. Michael rubbed his back, whispering soft praises and reminders that he would be okay. He balled his hands into the fabric of Michael’s shirt, grasping at something, anything for support, for the way he once was able to stay in his mom’s arms and feel like everything was going to be okay.

Michael would never be able to do that for Jeremy, but he could try to do something.

He had to be there.

At that moment, he realized that he had never felt so much love for a single human being, that it was his duty to protect him when no one else could. It was at that moment he realized that his fingers tingled, that the cuts on Jeremy’s knuckles were gone, the blood entirely non-existent.

From that moment forward, Jeremy allowed Michael to hold his hand.

Each time, Michael wasn’t sure if his fingers tingled from the slowly disappearing bruises and cuts on Jeremy’s knuckles or because of the constant fluttering and pleasant yet utterly overwhelming heat in his chest whenever their hands intertwined.

Whatever it was, he was okay with it.

When Jeremy was seventeen, he spent a month in the hospital.

He had spent months believing that a voice in his head that wasn’t his could reliably change his life. For months, he obeyed an overlord; the SQUIP was a dictator, and Jeremy was his loyal, brainwashed subject. A slave willing to take any order. Even at the Halloween party, the SQUIP made him walk out on his best friend, the sickening, melodic voice telling him that Michael didn’t matter.

Jeremy could have stayed. He could have healed him.

The next day, when the optic nerve blocking failed and Jeremy saw Michael out the corner of his eye, he ignored the deep red scratches down his forearms, paid no mind to the crimson crescent-moon shapes pressed deep into his palms.

He could have healed him.

When a voice whispered and ricocheted against the walls of his brain that he would never be able to heal Michael, he was going to a mental hospital, he was obviously insane, Jeremy wasn’t sure if the voice belonged to him or an invader.

Even if he wasn’t going crazy, even if the healing power wasn’t an image from a damaged mind, Jeremy wasn’t sure he’d be able to fix his relationship with Michael.

The scrape of metal against the tile flooring brought him out of his unpleasant reverie. The kind face that he grew up with appeared at his side, beard messy and tears leaking softly out of crinkled eyes made from a smile Jeremy hadn’t seen in years.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hi, Jeremy,” Mr. Heere responded, brushing the hair gently out of his son’s face. “What’re you doing?”

Jeremy sighed and shrugged. “Laying here and trying to magically heal my concussion,” he said, his half-hearted sarcastic quip apparently going completely over his father’s head.

Mr. Heere’s brows furrowed, voice coming out softly, as if he were talking to a small child. “You don’t… believe in all that, do you?”

“Of course, not. I’m not crazy.” Jeremy swallowed, a bitter taste on his tongue as he refuted the one truth he had in these past few months of confusion.

The elder nodded and leaned back in his chair. “You know, some people do. They think they have soulmates, and apparently some people believe that they can heal their soulmate.”

The steady beeps from Jeremy’s heart-rate monitor sped up significantly.

“But, really, it’s apparently quite rare. No wonder, since it’s all totally fake. No one really has a soulmate, and there’s no way that someone could heal another person just with their mind.”

Jeremy nodded along to the beat of his father’s words. He had tuned out long ago, the steady beat of something to ignore him from his erratic heartbeat and to keep him from bashing his head on something.

It was true. He was going crazy.

As Jeremy’s head spun and the dim light that kept him going throughout these past few months slowly faded, Michael tapped his foot rapidly outside his hospital room. Mama and inay stood with him, whispering in the hushed tones that adults always did in the face of tragedy.

Even though Michael was nearly eighteen, he couldn’t have felt smaller.

He stared at the door, seeing flashes of the familiar mop of dark hair, high cheekbones and thin nose accompanied with a painful pang in his chest. A weight on his shoulder alerted him to inay standing next to him.

“How’re you doing, dayong?” she asked, squeezing him tightly.

“Okay, I guess,” Michael sighed, leaning into his mom’s touch. “Miss na miss ko na siya.”
Somehow, admitting it in English would’ve been infinitely harder. Michael wasn’t sure he could handle that quite yet.

Inay smiled sadly. “I know. I bet you wish you could go in there and heal it all, right?”  

He nodded. “I think I did, once. Or have been.” Mama, who had appeared on the other side of Michael as if to surround him in a circle of comfort, raised her eyebrows. “I know that sounds really weird,” Michael started rambling, words stringing together and throat tightening, “but ever since Jeremy’s mom left, I think I’ve been able to heal his wounds by just touching them, ‘cause he punched his bed frame and I held his hands and they just, poof!, were fine, and when he-”

Mama put a hand on his shoulder and a single finger to her mouth. “Shh. We believe you, Michael.”

Michael lifted his head and squeezed his eyes together for a moment, as if his brain were working on catching up to everything happening around him. “Really?”

Inay smiled. “Do you love him, Michael?”

Michael swallowed, his cheeks heating up. “I… yeah. Yeah, I do.”

To either side of him, his moms celebrated, eyes lighting up with large smiles.

“I knew it!”

“Rachel owes us twenty bucks.”

Michael coughed. “Okay, I’m just going to… ignore that you were betting on my love life, but you believe me? Isn’t it kind of… crazy?”

Inay shrugged. “Some people don’t believe in it. I didn’t for a long time. When I met your dad, it never worked, even though I hoped it would. I was hurting instead of being healed. It should’ve been my sign to get out of that relationship, and as soon as I knew I was going to have you, I did. And now…”

To the right of him, mama scratched her arm, hard, to the point where tiny pinpricks of scarlet appeared over her skin. Right as Michael opened his mouth to protest, inay waved a gentle hand over the skin, and as each finger passed over, so did the scratch, so did the scarlet.

“...I can do this.”

Michael’s fingers tingled at the thought of brushing his fingers over Jeremy’s broken knuckles.

“So, you two are soulmates.”

The two nodded.

“And… if I can heal Jeremy… he’s my soulmate.”

They nodded, mama gripping Michaels hand tightly in a squeeze of approval, but somehow it didn’t compare to the tightness collecting in his chest.

“But… Jeremy’s never…”

The room got colder.

“He’s never…”

The spiral started, the tightness and darkness threatening to constrict his windpipe and take away the dim light holding him together.

Michael’s voice broke as he spoke, tears that had been steadily collecting dripping out in a broken plea.

“What if he’s my soulmate, but I’m not his? What… what if he doesn’t love me?”

When Michael was eighteen, he found his best friend standing on the edge of a bridge.

There had been no warning, no text of goodbye, no pleas for help. Just the gut feeling of something horrible at 3 AM, and an empty room when Michael peaked inside.

He should have suspected it. Jeremy had been… off lately. Of course, he had never been the same since the SQUIP. He was quieter. Sat and said nothing when he was given a direct order, as if he would never again respond to a direction in case it was the voice in his head once again. He would jerk sometimes when they were alone, phantom shocks going down his spine if he slouched too much, if he was doing anything uncool. He allowed people to touch him more, hugs from Chloe and Christine, but flinched when Michael got too close.

He wouldn’t let Michael hold his hand.

His knuckles were constantly scabbed or bleeding now, arms bloodied or bruised, and Michael was sitting next to him, helpless.

Michael helplessly scanned the road illuminated by the light of his headlights as he wandered the roads of the town he called home. With each road absent of Jeremy, his heartbeat only quickened its pace, the tightness in his throat threatening to choke him.

Finally, on a rickety old bridge where he and Jeremy used to skip rocks from when their parents kicked them out of the house during the summer did Michael find the skinny and tall figure looking into the water.

Michael killed the engine and crept out of his car. “Jeremy?”

The figured twisted, messy hair moving along with his head, dark eyes dull in the moonlight.

He looked lost.

Michael took another step, voice soft as if he were soothing a frightened puppy. “Why are you here?”

Jeremy looked back towards the water. “I… I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep, my head just wouldn’t stop ,” he said, hands reaching up and pulling his hair. “I needed to get out. I thought it would get better. But, everywhere I go…

“I’m going crazy, Michael.”

Michael shook his head. “Jeremy, no, you’re not crazy. You’ve been through so much, whatever you’re feeling is completely justified.”

Jeremy’s voice shook. “It’s not! I’ve been suffering for so long, nothing’s getting better, and I’m delusional… I’m crazy, Michael. It’s… it’s just how it is.”

“Then let me help,” Michael pleaded, taking a step forward, hoping his legs would be able to support him. “Jeremy, you’ve been pushing me away, you can’t go through this alone.”

“You can’t help me. Have you ever thought that maybe I’m trying to get away from you? To protect you?” he said, body moving slightly towards the water. The words were almost lost in the sound of the river, of the final destination awaiting.

He was waiting for the pain to come flooding, preparing for the fall.

“Jeremy, you’re being ridiculous, please get down,” Michael whispered.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Jeremy screamed. “I’m done taking orders. I’m done being told what to do. I’m tired of all the voices in my head telling me I’m crazy.”

“Why? Why would you ever think that?”

Jeremy’s voice was barely audible above the rush of the river and the pounding in Michael’s ears.

“I love you.”

Michael almost laughed. “Jeremy, come here. Please. I need to show you something.”

Jeremy turned his head back to Michael, and after a moment of consideration, he stepped cautiously towards the other, one foot after the other.

The Jeremy standing in front of Michael was not the one he spent every day with. It was the one that sat silently in Michael’s room for an entire day after the SQUIP, trying desperately to grasp onto his old life, the one that had panic attacks during lunch that reduced him to an intelligible stutter, the one that laid in his bed and cried when he was suddenly a kid without a mom. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t beautiful, romantic, wasn’t anything good.

Michael knew he couldn’t heal Jeremy.

But he wanted so badly to.

“Give me your hand?” he whispered, stretching a gentle hand out to the scared boy in front of him. Jeremy obliged.

His knuckles were bloodied, open cuts let untreated to fend for themselves in the harsh night air. Jeremy flinched when Michael took his hand but did not withdraw it.

Michael’s fingers tingled as he brushed his thumb over the other’s knuckles, feather light. The blood and cuts disappeared, the slight burn hurting slightly after a year without the sensation.

Jeremy stared at his hand as if he had never seen it before.

Tears flowed down his cheeks.

“See?” Michael said, taking the other hand and reversing the damage. “If you’re crazy, that means I am too.”

Jeremy’s hands shook as he wrapped his arms around Michael, burying his face in the other’s shoulder, sobs muffled by his cotton shirt. Michael automatically put his arms around the his best friend, one hand trailing lightly up and down his back, the other smoothing down the unkempt mop of curls that he loved.

“I’m s-sorry,” Jeremy choked out between sobs. “I-I thought I was go-going crazy…”
“I know, Jer.”

“I didn’t w-want to h-h-hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I just th-thought… I thought I could g-get over it… I just want it all to stop, Michael.”

“I know, Jeremy,” he whispered. “I wish I could heal it all, make it all go away.”

“But you can’t.”

“But I can’t.”

The rush of the river beneath them covered the sound of Jeremy’s sobs to the rest of the world, masked Michael’s quiet praises as he held Jeremy in his arms. The sound was comforting.

“You, know, Jeremy, I’m not leaving you,” Michael said, voice barely audible. “I’m going to fix up all your cuts, and even if I can’t heal what’s going on up here-” he tapped Jeremy’s temple lightly- “I’m going to be here. I’ll help you through it.”

The river rushed beneath them.

“You know I love you, Jeremy.”

It healed, cleansed.

“I love you too.”

The river went on.

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

jakeyd: yo jeremy

jakeyd: i am only coming to you because you are the master at this

jerrybean: so that's either memes or obscure michael facts

jennrolls: first off, i am offended that you did not come to me for memes, assuming that's what it is

canoozle: come on jenna, that was like fifty chapters ago, no one remembers that

jennrolls: ...what?

canoozle: please ignore that comment

[canoozle went offline]

jakeyd: ...okay then

jennrolls: also, obscure michael facts? care to share one?

jerrybean: half of them i'm using for blackmail but otherwise, yes

jerrybean: obscure michael fact no. 137: he still owns a pair of spider man footie pajamas

[gay came online]

gay: i would scold you for telling that but i'm pretty proud of that fact

[canoozle came online]

canoozle: michael that's so adorable!! i'd love to see a picture of little michael in them 

jerrybean: oh they're totally adult sized

gay: still proud of it but in my defense i've been changing it to look like tom holland's spiderman's makeshift suit

jennrolls: let me guess, you're too cheap to buy the actual costume?

gay: i got it at the dollar store, brooke teaches me how to do it, i steal materials from the textiles department, and i have about twenty dollars in my bank account, so, yes

gay: maybe i'll sell it on etsy

canoozle: i'd totally buy it, tom holland's spider-man is the best spider-man

jennrolls: agreed. he's a bit more excitable than most fifteen year olds but i love him all the same

jakeyd: okay okay okay guys i came here for help, and i'm totally going to ignore the fact that jeremy 100% has more than 137 obscure michael facts

jerrybean: i've known him for forever. there's a  l o t.

jakeyd: i figured

jakeyd: now, before i say anything, you guys need to promise not to laugh at me. this is my time of need

jerrybean: i promise

jennrolls: hard maybe

jakeyd: okay

jakeyd: can you please explain to me what the hell "this is so sad alexa play despactio" means? rich keeps saying it and i got an alexa for christmas so it actually plays despactio and i'm just. so confused

jerrybean: holy shit

jennrolls: oh my god jake

jakeyd: you said you wouldn't laugh!

gay: THAT WAS BEFORE YOU SAID ALL THAT

jakeyd: you guys are mean

canoozle: aw jake's feelings are hurt :( this is so sad alexa play despactio

jennrolls: christine, i have never been prouder of you

canoozle: aw shucks

jerrybean: oh my god give me a sec

jennrolls: take your time hun

jakeyd: ......

jerrybean: it's just a stupid meme

jakeyd: THATS REALLY ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT???

Chapter Text

[uterus bros and other hoes currently has: 4 members online]

cupid: hey michael remember when we were talking about love simon and you said “we’re here to talk about love, simon, it’s not love, simone” and as a lesbian i was personally offended?

gay: vaguely

cupid: WELL BITCH

cupid: LEAH ON THE OFFBEAT

dick: oh jesus christ

cupid: WEVE GOT A CANONICALLY FAT, PETTY, SIDE-EYE GIVING BISEXUAL QUEEN

brookie: i’m agreeing with chlo on this one, becky albertali is a GODDESS

gay: cool but eh

brookie: michael.... are you lesphobic?

gay: whaaaaaat??? some of my best friends are lesbians

gay: but seriously, i didn’t really like leah all that much, she was kinda bland and always mad

cupid: but michael. her character is amazing here. she’s lowkey petty in an awesome way and you get to see her self-confidence grow and the entire book is just GAY PANIC

brookie: gaypanic.jpg