Chapter Text
“Those were some of the worst years of my life. I didn’t think much of it when I first started because I wanted to create solutions. An answer to end our problems once and for all. No matter the number of fights, doubts from my own mother, the numerous hours of anxiety riddling my mind, I ended up failing them all. My own people. Succumbing to the aftereffects of my own uneducated guesses and useless faith that things can work out for the better. For what it did cost me, it costed my own relationships to those who I hold dear. Because they were far more innocent compared to the sins in my life. I was a prince, yes. But an emperor — that is for the people’s eyes to decide. And the answer to all of it will always be a resounding no.”
Lotor’s voice carried itself like a weak echo within the hidden shadows of the ship. Matt stood within the sunlight that fell across his shoulders like a halo, almost as if the light had separated the two very different realms of their beings between two of them. The strands of his glow became crisp and glowing yet his voice held the slow rage of brimstone in his jaw.
“I decided to take matters into my own hands and started the experiments.” Lotor continued even as he felt the anger in Matt’s eyes, causing him to look ahead despite the grief in his own eyes. “I went in search of Oriande to find a cure to my own crippling ability to produce alchemy because I believed I was tainted and corrupted by my Galran blood. I had an inquiry toward your father toward his knowledge of where life had originated from in the great sciences — and better yet, the technologies that our universe lacked instead were all located within the smallest part of the endless abundance of galaxies. Earth teaches that life can thrive unless given a motive to succeed. When this motive is introduced, there’s no wonder that things can go from zero to one. The man and the moon. The science and the theoretical potential that alchemy foretold in my ancestors’ past from the fallen Altea. I asked Samuel to give me a prophectical chance that life can exist from the failures from my past. And the most precarious thing is that…it actually succeeded .”
Matt paused and raised head up slightly, wanting to speak something cutthroat but held his tongue immediately. He returned to his former expression, crossing his arms this time almost to restrain himself from the frustration about Lotor speaking about his father, and continued listening intently, though a growing bitterness soured the back of his throat. “ It had succeeded, you said?” His voice almost cracked to reveal his boiling point.
“I took a tale passed down from a member of my colony because she was told this story time after time again when her mother had spoken of the ancient Altean scripture to simply allow her to sleep when she was very young — dear Luka, how I hope you’re still okay out there…” Lotor grimaced. “And I began to think maybe there’s some truth to this fairytale she was telling me with that childlike enthusiasm I wish the universe had more of. That curiosity into the unknown, the greatest of all imagination suddenly becoming a reality. As much as I romanticized these endeavors, the reality that time was ticking was happening quickly and Samuel and I had to extract the remains of an extinct flower. I received these seeds from Luka who said they were the dearest vestige of her mother and father. The juniberry flower holds a mythological role of the lion goddess told by the elders long ago that she descended to Altea and established her people there with the use of her life-giving alchemy. When Altea faced the great calamity that had arrived through some void between dimensions, she made use of the quintessence that spun the threads of the universe and gave her body to reconstruct her composition to restore the decaying decomposition of the diseased planet of Altea. In the end product of her actions, the life-giving particle of herself blossomed across the lands into the pink lilies, hence dubbed as ‘ juniberry’ flowers. That the jubilee of life is returned to when hope was lost for Altea. With the use of the rare flower seeds Luka had provided me, Samuel and I set to work in the course of an unforgivable amount of hours, days, weeks to, until finally, an excruciating two years to end this pandemic upon my people. But should have I led my people with that sense of kindness that there really in fact a lack of honesty on my part? That a selected few of my people becoming soldiers under concealed force hidden from Galran eyes that served under my mother to grant the colony immunity from her vile wrath and excruciating so-called mercy when so many, upon thousands, succumbed to extracting a drop in the ocean chance that we can have infinite amount of quintessence from a well within the void to end this empire’s voracious war for Galrans to become the only race left?” He cocked his head back as his vicious golden eyes with their sharpened violet pupils gazed downward at Matt felt a wave of insecurity deep into his soul.
“ You piece of shi— ” Matt gritted his teeth and raised his fist to strike towards Lotor’s face like the reckless thunder filled with the same violent rage boiling in his blood.
“ — I believe yes .” Lotor interrupted Matt, who halted to his surprise while Lotor himself remained calm. The knuckles of Matt’s fist barely grazed the tip of Lotor’s nose. Lotor’s eyes gazed intently at Matt’s fist, pushing it aside gently with his own hand and began to let out a hollowed sigh. “ I led you all under the guise of my self-destruction because I can’t fathom why a monster such as myself, a cross-breed from these holy people and astral demons, can exist within this universe.”
He took a few steps away from Matt and looked at the people walking about their business below the deck of the ship. “Because there is nothing greater than to tell yourself that your only worth is as much as the people itself desires so.”
The sounds of the busy-minded rebels, paramedics, supplymen, families reunited continue to bustle with greater intensity, with yelps of cheers and their shared oddly common sense of camaraderie forged their bonds to become stronger under one cause. In the gap of silence between the masked and unmasked pair, the sounds of the people remained the obstacle standing in between themselves.
“You see yourself as some hot shit, huh?” Matt stretched out his arms sarcastically. “ Welcome! I glad you’re finally joining to the all collective feeling of being useless as fuck and whatever floats your fucking asshole boat for being prince ‘ charming ’.” He clenched both of his fists and slowly lowered both of them and sighed with a sense of remorse and exhaustion. “So much for all of that when you decided to become a batshit king and almost kill my sister in the temper tantrum you threw for all of the universe to see .” He turned his face away from him and ran both of his hands through his head in his burning frustration.
Matt held his eyes back into the acerbic glare he gave at Lotor. But then he looked down at the ground. “What I saw in that jail cell that you put my father in, I saw equipment that he shouldn’t have to mess with in his life. Medical syringes, biohazards bags filled with discolored bloody vomit, haunting alien technologies and biological masses I’ve never imagined before, used bandages and medical gauze, blood on the cot that he would have been sleeping on but the floor and tables were stacked and almost glued together in a collage of scribbled papers and nonsensical notes. I thought my own father had gone insane . And that it was impossible to bring him back to reality. When I had finally reunited with him, he had revealed to me scars on his back and stomach when he was flogged for disobeying an officer order back from your disgusting gladiator rings. He told me to swear not to tell my sister Pidge about it ever in her life because he knew the sight of it would ruin her.” He felt that his own voice started to choke.
She doesn’t need to worry about this about her old man. Samuel’s soft forgiving chuckle had echoed in Matt’s mind as Matt remembered when he was handing a new set of clothes and found his father’s torso exposed when he opened the door. She’s already got a lot on her plate as the paladin of Voltron. What more can make me proud through all the turmoil that we had to endure? I’ll do it for her and you always if I ever had to go through it again.
Lotor fell silent for a couple of moments between them. He grimaced at the memory of his mother’s hidden enclave of ancient journals that depicted her spiral from reality and into the witch she had become. She lost sight of herself and allowed the plague in her mind to corrupt her for an eldritch entity, voracious for addicting power.
“If you’re planning to hate yourself for everything and for the end of time, do me a favor and think about when the value of other people’s opinions start to become a fairytale to your own story. You’re still alive. Do something more productive than just wallowing in the mud and reminding more reasons for me to be vindicated for making me pissed off at you.”
He grabbed the collar of Lotor’s cloak and slammed him back into the wall, causing a loud ricochet all through the ship. Matt’s breath heaved and sighed as he glared eye to eye to Lotor, with only Lotor’s mask giving some inch of space between them.
“Just how the hell do you think it’s going to become a tragedy in the end?” Matt yelled at him at the last word.
Lotor fell silent as Matt roughly let go of his collar, causing him to stagger, and then lifted his golden eyes toward Matt who was sternly walking away from him and down the ramp towards N7. He watched Matt grab a hold of her hand with such force, yet it was gentle enough to cause her to suddenly become flustered. His mouth gaped open in awe of his sudden change in behavior.
He continued to be silent as he watched the two of them disappear into the crowd, and then he warily pondered. “I can try to become different this time.” He told himself. “But maybe by accepting that I can’t change the past and looking at what is in front of me is something I need and what it needs me too.” The view of the people of Earth and those arriving to Earth for the very first time filled his heart with a different kind of courage. “I…I want to change too. Just like them.” He took off his mask and felt the side of his face where his scars dripped from his eyes as a grim reminder of his mother, placing the mask back on again afterward. “I want to change where I am going in my life. Not just only for them. And not just only for me. But for myself and for everyone around me in this universe.”
Lotor stepped out from the shadows and into the warm sunlight, feeling its radiating warmth seep into his wooden mask and weathered clothes, and descended down the ramp of the ship to suddenly come across a crew worker with a curious bunch of silvery-white hair bundled into a bun. Along with a particular pink Garrison uniform.
“Salutations! Nice to meet your acquaintance! Or hello as the people of Earth simply say! Can I help you carry your load to our hanger or anything?” Her voice was like silver bells and rolling hills of a blossoming valley — a nostalgic elegance from a sound he hadn’t heard from a long time…miraculously so.
Lotor stuttered. “Ah—” He felt his own heart stopped in shock. “ I — excuse, no pardon myself .” He felt frozen as his eyes dilated at the sight of her. “ I… ” The courage suddenly erupted within his heart to suddenly throw itself into his voice. “ I … would appreciate your kind help. ”
She cocked her head in slight confusion and giggled. “You’re a funny fellow, you know. Nothing wrong with having someone like you here, no — not at all .” She stopped laughing and smiled warmly for him. “I… would also appreciate your help too, if you so kindly do. ” She gave a quick cheeky wink and suddenly spinned around to look for any baggage near the ship. “ Well! Where do you like to start?” She walked up closer to him within a second, so eager to help and filled with the glorious energy of volunteering her abilities to help others. Lotor had instead remained frozen and he knew that he could easily fall apart if she approached him any closer than this, as if his personal space hadn’t been invaded enough so far.
“My apologies!” She cleared her throat. “My name is Allura. I used to be called Princess Allura but… that’s in the past.” She looked away suddenly and returned her gaze back to him. “I would appreciate it if you call me by this name, unless you like to give me a different nickname as the humans like to do around here. Although…” She placed her palm against his mask, causing Lotor to burn up into a blush across his nose and cheeks. “You have a very interesting mask…Coran had mentioned above a famous Dalterian warrior who served alongside my father years ago who wore this kind of mask, how strange.” She felt her fingers across the bottom edge of the mask, suddenly grazing her finger underneath his chin and neck, causing Lotor to hold back any sound with his teeth clenched and his face becoming warmer than it can possibly be. He gulped and blinked to reassure himself that he was literally right in front of Allura herself. “What is your name?”
Lotor choked for a second. He stepped back to recollect himself and stop his stupid anxiety-ridden mind to goddamn focus. “My apologies! My apologies. My…” He lifted his head from his crouched position. “My…” He looked at Allura with a dizzying feeling in his chest. “Apologies…” He stood up firmly even as his voice awkwardly wavered. “I don’t know if the number of it would matter to you if I listed all of them so—-” He spoke swiftly before the rush of blood came back to his head to make him shut up before he said anything else weirder for her.
“I beg your pardon?” Allura got confused by his statement.
“It’s nothing! No, it’s not nothing! It’s in fact everything!” He gave himself a facepalm with both hands planted on his mask to the miserable embarrassment he was making himself to be. “Who am I kidding? How am I supposed to change myself at this point? Everything’s gone to hell and here I am before literal paradise yourself.” He continued to ramble nonsensically, but at that moment, Allura’s cheeks suddenly became rosy.
The former princess laughed at his odd gestures (and his impromptu anxiety attack), and instead waved her hand to ease his worries. “ Well , I for one am glad that I can talk to someone with this unusual amount of honesty. How about we talk more, Mister …?”
“Kal—” Lotor lied while he was out of breath. “For now…you can call me Kal. I don’t exactly have a remarkable name but–”
“Whatever can be a name, I am happy to learn it.” Allura laughed. “You’re no Prometheus but you certainly act to be a mystery, Mr. Kal.”
Lotor straightened himself up and extended his hand gently for her. “I suppose a handshake is part of human tradition, correct?”
“Yes!” Allura chuckled ever so more, it began to send a sense of fluttering winged creatures within Lotor’s stomach. “Yes, indeed.” She took his kind gesture and felt his gloved hand, feeling a sense of familiarity for a brief moment and quickly diverted her mind back to reality. “I apologize… it appears I have caused you quite some trouble upon meeting you. How ever can I repay you other than helping to unload your ship?”
“I— I suppose a good meal is in order.” Lotor spoke without thinking.
“Good! You shall serve me out to lunch, my good gentleman.” Allura poked her arm around his arm and pretended to chaperone him. “It’s not like the man always needs to guide the lady. Allow me.” Allura guided him through the crowds of the Garrison through the large stretch of the plaza and towards the cafeteria area where everyone huddled for sandwiches, savory treats, and other goodies at the stands. “It may not be much, but I hope it is to your liking.”
“It smells wonderful.” Lotor felt like he was dreaming. How many millions of miles he had to travel to suddenly be arm-in-arm with the woman he was searching for? He couldn’t believe it. It took him so long and yet so long…
He peered down at Allura and felt my chest couldn’t contain itself, he felt enraptured and wanted to embrace her so badly and without any apology but restrained himself with that wall of guilt separating the two, he had felt deep in his soul.
Allura grabbed a tray and gave a tray for him too in the queue of hungry rebels and Garrison workers. She stretched her hand out to grab a carton of fruit and placed one in Lotor’s hands. “These are called grapes. They’re quite delicious! It packs a sour punch but it’s so sweet all around beneath the skin.” She pressed the little fruit against her lips and munched on the delicacy, driving an tormenting feeling Lotor felt in his arms and chest.
“Try one!” Allura pointed as Lotor snapped out of it and snuck the fruit beneath his mask swiftly within a beat. “Oh my, you’re really fast…” She stared in awe. “It went by so quickly!” She chuckled. “Look at this treat! It’s very fascinating, you must try this as well!”
Upon the dozens of different types of foods Allura had introduced to him, he had somehow managed to consume them all without hesitation but elegantly at a time to make his mask never came off, no matter what. It caught the attention of on-lookers and other people who sat in the tables around their little one, sparking curiosity and suddenly cheering as he finished his fortieth plate.
“This is quite enough, I assure you.” He dabbed a napkin under his mask carefully.
“You know how to eat, Kal! ” Allura spoke with excitement. “Keith and the others must see this! Oh! I almost forgot— if you wish to eat more meals, you should ask our team member, Hunk. He’s both a marvelous engineer and a wonderful chef for our crew.”
“Oh no need to,” Lotor waved his hand to politely refuse. “I believe I have quite a lot on my plate but perhaps we can meet your crewmates another time.” He tried his best to decline a greatly awkward reunion.
“Nonsense! I heard you came from the crew as Matt, so how about we hold a gathering with our crews together this weekend. Keith says ‘we’re going to grab drinks’ so I suppose the lemonade will be in abundance. They add a curious herb from this planet called lavender to it and it tastes so swell to the tastebuds.” Allura cheerily spoke as she placed her hand on his shoulder, almost tenderly. “I would really appreciate it if you came along too.” Lotor looked into his deep set of blue eyes. “Your adventures that you had spoken as a rebel soldier is truly something to tell of the others.”
Except, he had completely left out the part given his ability to do alchemy and Narti’s name to avoid suspicion. “ I’ll… I will do my best. ” He gave a weary nod. He clenched his fists a little more firmly. “I will make sure to come by to your gathering. But I’ll need some time to prepare since we still have so much to unload from our ship.”
“Of course!” Allura lifted up her hand, thinking she may have pressured him possibly. “You just came back from your journey so take your time to rest for a bit before the upcoming festivities. It’ll be exciting and I hope to catch you later, Kal.” Allura stood up from her seat and said goodbye to him and then walked away to the cafeteria exit. As she left through the hanger doorway, the golden sunlight had just melted upon her silver hair that suddenly resembled a halo for a crown.
After a while of silence, he sighed looking at his generous serving of a meal. “ You’ll always be the princess to me. ” He traced a circle on the surface of the table. A sudden ray of light flickered before his finger and dispersed in a moment’s notice.