Chapter Text
Yoongi came out into the living room, sat down, and dropped his head in his hands. This was stupid. He was being stupid. Like you always are when you have a crush, his brain said, but this was more than a crush, wasn’t it? He liked Jungkook, liked the way he laughed when he got something right and the determined set of his mouth when he didn’t get it right the first time. He liked his ear for music and his sense of humor and his really basic taste in anime. Telling himself that he didn’t want a boyfriend was an easy way to guard his heart when they were just having incredible, athletic, semi-regular sex, but now that Yoongi actually knew him...his heart was unguarded, vulnerable, Jungkook’s for the taking.
And maybe...more than maybe, Jungkook liked him back. Yoongi’s breath caught in his throat just thinking about it. The thought of getting into a relationship again was terrifying, but the thought of getting to stay with Jungkook, getting to joke with him and wake up with him and teach him about music and yeah, have incredible, athletic, regular sex with him...that was appealing. More than appealing. He wanted it, with an intensity that he didn’t think he was capable of.
There was no going back to what they were, that much was clear. Yoongi’s poor, stupid heart couldn’t take it.
…………..
Jungkook was doing as good a job avoiding Yoongi as anyone could when they were stuck in the same small apartment, which made it pretty clear to Yoongi that he was going through some shit after their conversation about Yoongi’s relationship history. He was constantly playing games with headphones on or napping or eating while listening to music. Every time Yoongi tried to talk to him, his eyes were closed or his mouth was full or he pretended he didn’t hear him. It was blatant and more than a little bit annoying, and Seokjin was clearly getting frustrated with both of them.
“Jungkookie is fragile,” he said, after pulling Yoongi in the kitchen to talk. “What did you say to him?”
“Why don’t you ever care if I’m fragile, hyung?” Yoongi heard himself whining and hated it. “I’m having an emotional crisis.” He was, it was awful. Relationship drama was the worst, and here he was having the drama without the relationship.
“Not in my presence you’re not,” Jin said firmly. “Please go fix it before he stress-eats us into bankruptcy. He ate three bags of seaweed snacks without breathing earlier. I’m frankly concerned for his health.”
“No, I know,” Yoongi said. “I’m the one who fucked up, I need to fix it.” He’d been trying to fix it all day, but...well, maybe he hadn’t been trying all that hard. “I told him point-blank that I wasn’t interested in dating right now, even though we’ve been...I don’t know, we’ve been getting close.” It felt like another lie when he said it, or at least an understatement.
“Basically repeating your own bullshit to yourself,” Jin said, pulling a bag of seaweed snacks out from behind the microwave, where he’d hidden it. “Except out loud, where everyone can hear it. Nice.”
“Yeah, pretty much,” Yoongi said, covering his face with his hands. “God, I like him so much.”
“You don’t say,” Jin said, holding out the bag. “Seaweed?”
Yoongi waved him off. He didn’t know what to do with himself, now that he’d said it out loud and admitted it to himself. It felt huge, for some reason, holding all of these feelings for the boy who was currently taking up way too much space on his couch, playing Fallout and pretending Yoongi wasn’t alive. Yoongi looked down. One of the buttons on his flannel was coming off, he noticed, hanging by a single thread. Yoongi frowned at it, carefully yanking the button off and putting it in the little bowl next to the refrigerator so he could sew it back on later. When he looked up, Jin was staring at him, just over his left ear, not making eye contact.
“You’re good for each other,” Jin said, quickly, like he was trying to get it over with. “I know I’ve been giving you shit, but really. You guys deserve to be happy.” Well then. Yoongi kind of wanted to make Jin repeat that, just to make him squirm, but he didn’t.
“Ew,” Yoongi said, finally. “This gross display of emotion.”
Seokjin rolled his eyes, then grinned, his biggest, silliest smile. He threw open his arms and started walking toward Yoongi. Yoongi backed up a step. “But I love youuuuuu,” Seokjin warbled, deliberately off-key, advancing across the kitchen, his arms wide open.
“No, no, go away.” Yoongi tried to dodge him, but his stupid arms were too long.
“I loooooove youuuuuu,” Seokjin pulled him close and sent him three hand kisses right in his face, making sure to rub the last one into Yoongi’s cheek. “My best and most favorite roommate.”
“Okay, I’m going to go and have this difficult emotional conversation just to avoid you,” Yoongi said, trying to push him off.
“Great,” Seokjin said, immediately letting go, the silly expression dropping from his face. “My job here is done.”
Yoongi sighed. He should have expected that. “I’m getting coffee first,” he said. “I need to fortify myself.” He made a note to pick up the green tea infusion thingy that Jungkook had been drinking lately so he could at least use that as a pretense to having this conversation.
“I’ll take a macchiato, skim, no sugar, you’re the best,’ Jin said, staring at his phone.
Yoongi grabbed his phone and his wallet and paused as he reached the door, just as he crouched down to get his shoes. Jungkook was on the couch, his leg propped up in front of him, hands flying over the xbox controller, his eyes completely glued to the screen. He didn’t even glance at Yoongi, didn’t even twitch. Yoongi didn’t realize how much he and Jungkook turned toward each other, were drawn to each other, until it was gone. God, they were idiots.
“I’m heading out,” Yoongi said, just to see what he’d do.
“Mmkay,” Jungkook said, his eyes not leaving the screen.
Fine. Yoongi would let him have this right now, but when he got back? This was getting solved one way or another.
………….
Yoongi went to the cafe a few streets over from their apartment. The one right near them was closed for renovations; this one was minimalist and slick, with succulents in terracotta pots and exposed wood beams everywhere. It looked like a cross between an American hipster place and something you’d find in Nagoya. Yoongi liked it because they actually understood coffee and didn’t make a ton of conversation about it.
While he was waiting in line and mentally preparing himself for his conversation with Jungkook, Yoongi kind of zoned out, playing out all the different possible scenarios in his head: Jungkook rejecting him in some horrifically embarrassing scene, Jungkook accepting him with tears and kisses and a tastefully edited love scene that Yoongi realized was from the drama Heeyeon made him watch last month, Yoongi being alone, Yoongi being happy, Yoongi crying. It was a lot, and he knew he was being ridiculous.
“Yoongi?” Yoongi heard someone calling his name as soon as he felt a touch on his shoulder. Startling out of the daydream where Jungkook lovingly kissed every inch of his body before recreating the epic post-movie marathon bathroom blowjob of three months ago, Yoongi turned to come face to face with Kihyun.
He looked...good. Really good, his hair dyed a soft brown with caramel highlights, wearing a crisp button-down and tight black jeans. He looked handsome and composed and spotless, and more than a little surprised to see Yoongi. “Hey,” he said. “Long time no see.”
There was a long moment where they both clearly remembered the last time they talked, that awkward, shitty, weird text that Yoongi had sent him. “Yeah,” Yoongi said. “It’s been a while.”
“Are you...okay?” Kihyun asked carefully. He looked genuinely concerned. A few months ago, Yoongi would have interpreted this kind of careful handling as pity of some sort, but now he could see it for what it was - kindness from an old friend. “Sorry I was kind of abrupt last time, I was just trying to deal with some stuff and--” he stopped as the mom and two kids in front of Yoongi stepped aside, and Yoongi went up to the barista to order. As he rattled off the three drinks and added some pastries for Jungkook and Seokjin, Yoongi wondered how Kihyun was going to finish that sentence. “And you seemed like you were being messy,” or “and I can’t move on if you’re still trying to hook up with me,” or “and I didn’t need your complications.” Any of them were more than fair.
Yoongi waited for Kihyun to order, oddly pleased that he was still drinking the same dark roast, splash of milk that he always had. As he walked toward Yoongi with his coffee, he looked down at the tray of drinks he was holding. “Tea?” He asked, fake clutching his chest and laughing. “Fruity green tea? Oh my god, you really are having some kind of breakdown.”
“What if I was,” Yoongi asked, putting on his best hurt pout. “What if I was having some kind of emotional disaster -- which I am by the way, thanks for asking -- and you laughed at me? One of my oldest friends? Laughing at me? Cruel.” Yoongi shook his head. “You’ve gotten heartless in your old age.”
“What kind of emotional disaster?” Kihyun asked, because of course he caught that. “And I was always heartless. It was your least favorite thing about me.”
This was untrue, of course, but they were both bad at blatant displays of emotions and the rare times they fought, Kihyun’s strategy was always retreat, retreat, retreat, until he’d retreated right out of the relationship.
“I met someone,” Yoongi said, because somehow this was easier to confess, now that he’d said it out loud a few times. “I like him.” It should have felt weird, maybe, telling Kihyun, but it didn’t. He wanted to tell people about Jungkook, he realized with a small jolt of surprise.
“And you haven’t told him,” Kihyun guessed, “because you’re hoping he’ll somehow pick it up psychically.”
“I needed coffee first,” Yoongi said, with great dignity. “I can’t do this under-caffeinated.”
“I’m glad you met someone,” Kihyun said, smiling. “Really, I’m so glad. You need someone to pull you out of your own ass from time to time. Well,” he said, toasting Yoongi with his coffee. “Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”
Yoongi waved goodbye as they both headed in separate directions down the street. It was nice, seeing Kihyun. Yoongi always felt known when he talked to him. It was the biggest thing he missed about being in a relationship, having that one person who just knew you, inside and out, all your flaws and insecurities, and somehow hung in there anyway. The idea of having that again, having that with Jungkook, that thought stuck with him, propelling him back to the apartment as fast as he could go without spilling the drinks.
………….
Jungkook was still playing games in the living room when Yoongi got back, headset on and his hood pulled up over his head. He didn’t turn to look at Yoongi when he walked in, even though Yoongi was sure he could see him out of the corner of his eye. Yoongi kicked off his shoes and set the tray of drinks down on the coffee table.
Yoongi sat on the couch next to Jungkook and took the controller out of his hands. Jungkook jerked and looked at him, then sighed. He pushed his hood back and took his headset off. Even like this, his face tight and drawn and his mouth set, he looked good. Yoongi couldn’t get over how good he looked, sometimes. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t always let himself notice.
“Jungkook-ah,” Yoongi said, trying to let some of his determination carry him forward with this. It was hard, without the right words planned ahead of time.
“Please don’t,” Jungkook mumbled, looking away. “I’m not really interested in your pity, so. Let’s not.”
Pity. Yoongi wasn’t sure how they’d gotten so far away from understanding each other. He remembered his earlier thoughts about Kihyun, always worrying that he was being pitied. Looking at Jungkook, drawn in and pushing him away, Yoongi felt such intense affection, radiating warmth up through his stomach and his heart, heat flushing his face. He couldn’t screw this up, it was too important. He had to find the exact right words. “Seriously, Jungkook, do you think I pity you? Is that what you think of me?”
“I don’t know what I think of you,” Jungkook said. His ears were turning red and he glanced away again. He’s lying, Yoongi thought to himself. “And I don’t know what you think of me, but--”
Yoongi threw up his hands, frustrated. This wasn’t the confession he’d imagined. “How can you not know? I think I’m being pretty obvious here--”
Jungkook picked up the controller again, playing with it.”You need to use your words, hyung.”
“I’m trying, okay,” Yoongi said. This was so much easier ten minutes ago when he was saying it to somebody who wasn’t Jungkook. “I am trying to use the right words--”
“Oh my god, he likes you,” Seokjin yelled from the kitchen.
“Jesus,” Yoongi said, whipping his head around in horror. “Hyung, I was trying to have a moment here, oh my god.”
Jin emerged from the kitchen, daintily dipping chopsticks into the bag of seaweed. “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding not even a little sorry. “I couldn’t take it anymore. This is possibly the most boring thing that’s ever happened in this living room, and I’m including the world’s limpest blow job from what’s his name--”
“Donghyuk,” Yoongi supplied. He couldn’t look at Jungkook but he could feel him staring, his eyes burning into the side of Yoongi’s face.
Jin pointed the chopsticks at him. “That’s the one. Anyway, you’re both in love and being sad and dramatic about it, and frankly, at this point, may god strike me down, I’d rather hear your sex noises.”
Jungkook made a strangled, muffled sound, like he was trying to bury himself in his own hoodie. Yoongi glanced over and yes, that’s what was happening.
“Hyung,” Yoongi said tiredly. He reached over and grabbed Jungkook’s hand, giving it a squeeze.
“You’re welcome,” Jin said. “Now go kiss.” He marched in, grabbed his coffee and left, yelling “I expect this level of support when I meet the love of my life!”
Yoongi turned to look at Jungkook. He realized, faintly, that they were still holding hands. “So,” he said, squeezing Jungkook’s hand tighter.
Jungkook jerked forward, pulling Yoongi closer with his one good hand. He rested his forehead against Yoongi’s, skin on skin, their hair slipping together and their breath mingling. “Hi,” he said. Yoongi shivered. “You like me?”
“Yeah,” Yoongi said. “Let’s try this again.” He sat back and away from Jungkook, with his best deadpan expression. Jungkook just raised an eyebrow at him, clearly amused. Yoongi wanted to laugh, he looked so cute. “Hello,” Yoongi said, smiling at him. He leaned over, just registering Jungkook’s slight gasp of surprise before Yoongi kissed the line between his eyebrows. “I like you,” Yoongi said, kissing one cheek, then the other cheek, then his nose. Jungkook wasn’t moving, but Yoongi could see his mouth beginning to curve up into a smile, so he kissed him there too, on one corner of his mouth. “I like you a lot,” he said, “and I’m an idiot who likes to repeat my own bullshit to myself. Can you forgive me?”
“Hmmm,” Jungkook hummed, pretending to think about it, but one hand was coming up to rest on the curve of Yoongi’s waist, warm and firm and reassuring. “Yes? Yeah, I think I can do that.”
“Good,” Yoongi said, sitting back on the couch and taking Jungkook’s good hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “Good talk, I’m glad we cleared that up. Can we be done talking about it now?”
“Less talking, more kissing,” Jungkook agreed. “God, I can’t believe I have to wait another six weeks for my leg to heal, this is bullshit, I want to carry you to the bedroom right now.”
“I don’t need to be carried, thanks,” Yoongi said, leaning in to kiss him again, laughing into the curve of his mouth. “And I think we can get creative later, after your shower.”
“Creative is good,” Jungkook said. “Big fan. Love it, creativity, let’s go.” He picked up his phone and gestured for Yoongi to lean in against his shoulder. Jungkook wrapped an arm around Yoongi and kissed him on the cheek as he snapped a selca. “I can tell everyone, right?” he asked.
“Of course,” Yoongi said, “Why wouldn’t I want people to know that I bagged the infamous get_it_jeon_97 as my boyfriend?”
“Oh my god,” Jungkook said, hiding in his hoodie again. “Can you not.”
“The hottest man in Seoul’s online dating scene,” Yoongi intoned. He cupped his hand to his ear. “Ahhh, I can hear the sound of a thousand twinks and daddies sobbing in the distance.”
“You’re the worst,” Jungkook said. “Never mind, I take it back, I’m going home.” But he was smiling as he said it, uploading the pic to insta and also to a group chat. “Speaking of home,” he said conversationally. “My roommates are going to want to interrogate you. It won’t be pretty.”
“Bring it on,” Yoongi said. “I’m not afraid of them.” He kissed Jungkook again, soft and lingering. He got to do this all the time, he realized. As much as he wanted, without having to justify it or pretend that it was something else, or find some excuse. It was so nice.
“You should probably be a little afraid of Jimin,” Jungkook said. “But I’ll protect you.” he tightened his arm around Yoongi.
“That’s your job now,” Yoongi agreed. “It’s part of the boyfriend duties.”
Jungkook said “I like the sound of that,”smiling at him. “Boyfriend duties. Can we be a gross couple with sickeningly sweet in-jokes? If we do this, I want to do it all the way. Full boyfriend action.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi said, holding up his hand for a fist bump. “Let’s get it.”
Grabbing his fist instead, Jungkook kissed it, all slobbery and using his teeth. “Ew,” Yoongi whined. “Wait, that’s not what I meant, ewwwww.”
“How about this?” Jungkook asked, and yanked on his hand, dragging him in for another kiss, still using his teeth and tongue, but in a much, much more interesting way. Yoongi grabbed Jungkook’s good thigh and let his hand wander up it. God, it had been too long.
“When I say I’m willing to tolerate your sex noises, I didn’t mean on the couch.” Seokjin was dressed to go out and standing by the door, looking unimpressed.
Jungkook whispered in Yoongi’s ear, “Didn’t you say we could get creative in the shower?”
“After,” Yoongi said, “I’m not injuring you again.”
“But what’s the point of that?” Jungkook softly bit the side of Yoongi’s neck. “I’m just going to get messy again.”
“You know what? You have a point.” Yoongi got up and started helping Jungkook off the couch. “Smartest boyfriend ever.” The shower could wait. Yoongi had a brand new boyfriend and he was ready to be very, very creative.