Archive of Our Own ^beta

“--And we have a very exciting guest today! He’s been off the grid for the last six months, disappearing soon after achieving his status as the Number 2 hero. Stay tuned for the first public appearance of Hawks in months! Are you wondering why he disappeared? What he was doing? What his plans are moving forward? So are we! Find out after this word from our sponsors!” the host lady was saying. 

Hawks quickly entered the studio, huffing from the cold. 

“Hi!” he greeted several of the camera crew who were staring at him slack-jawed. “Sorry I’m late!”

“It’s no problem, Mr. Hawks…” one of the directors said distractedly. “Right this way.”

People stared openly as Hawks walked through the studio. He sent them cheerful waves, unbothered. He approached the production stage, making sure to stay out of lensview of the camera. The host lady was getting her face repowdered last minute as a bell clanged, indicating it was showtime again. 

“Welcome back!” she called cheerfully to the camera. “And now let’s give a warm welcome to our guest, H-- holy SHIT!”  

Well, that sounded like his cue! Hawks sauntered onto the production stage with a charming wave at the camera. The studio was dead silent and every single eye was fixed on him. Or more accurately, they were fixed on the baby who was nestled in a sling against his chest. 

“I hope this answers most of your questions!” He laughed. To the camera he said, “Hello world! Meet my son, Hisora!” 

One of the camera people passed out.

This was going much better than anticipated! 

After a short commercial break, some smelling salts, and one dramatic resignation, they were back on air! 

The hostess had managed to compose herself, but she kept casting conspicuous glances at baby Omelet. 

“Welcome back!” she said, mostly facing the camera. “We had, uh, quite the shock here! I think I speak for all of us when I say we did not see this coming! How about you tell us a little about your baby?”

“Sure thing!” Hawks agreed easily. “His name is Hisora, he’s a Saggitarius, and he’ll be three months soon. He likes naps, formula, and waking up every three hours!” 

“How cute,” the hostess said. “Every three hours, huh? I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

Hawks laughed in agreement. “I’ve started drinking coffee black. It’s disgusting, but the caffeine is a lifesaver.”

“I’m sure. Now how about you tell us how little Hisora came to be?” the hostess prompted. She tried to keep over voice casual, but Hawks could feel the curiosity emanating from her.

“I don’t think I can say on daytime television!” Hawks gasped, scandalized. “But you know… when a mommy hawk and daddy--” 

“Alright, I think we get the picture,” the hostess cut him off. “Are we to assume you’ve spent the past several months in a steamy romance?”

Hawks considered. “I’d call it more, hmm… a ‘burning’ romance.” 

“Care to elaborate?” the hostess prompted.

Hawks considered again. “No,” he said blithely. 

For the briefest moment, a frustrated expression passed over the hostess’ face before she regained her composure. “Very well. And I suppose there’s no chance you might let us in on who the baby mamma is?”

“Baby mamma? No, I don’t think I will,” Hawks answered cheekily. He supposed if you looked at it one way, he was the baby mamma. Otherwise, there wasn’t one! 

“A secret, eh?” she sounded disappointed. “I hope you’re prepared for the scandal I’m sure you’ll have on your hands.” 

“A scandal?” Hawks gasped, as if that wasn’t lowkey what he was going for. He liked the attention. He’d been away for awhile, it was time to get his name back out there! “I’m just thinking about the safety of my baby!”

The hostess did at least have the manners to look sheepish. “Oh! Of course. I-- of course. Why don’t you tell us a little more about that? How are you planning to continue with your hero work now that you have a little one to raise?”

That was an excellent question! Even Hawks himself was stumped on it. He’d just been winging the whole ‘parent’ thing so far, and Omelet hadn’t died or suffered any noticeable psychological damage yet! Now that he was nearly three months, Hawks felt able to start returning to hero work. The only people he’d consulted on this decision with were Rumi and Dabi. He hadn’t had any contact with the Commission since, oh… since he laid Omelet (if he contacted the Commission immediately after laying Omelet, it would have been to quit altogether. That would be a way to get rid of heroes: just make them go through the ordeal of laying an egg for a mission). But anyway, the Commission could find out at the same time as everyone else! He was sure his phone was blowing up with notifications, but he’d left it at home on purpose. Dabi could deal with his obnoxious ringtone! 

“Well…” Hawks began soberly. Here was the ticket. He had to garner sympathy. Luckily the truth of the matter was pretty pathetic on it’s own, so he could stick close to that! He sighed. “Hisora… is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t give him up for the world.” He smiled down at Omelet who looked, uncoordinated, up at him. Omelet offered a tiny toothless smile of his own. Hawks couldn’t help but to drop a kiss in his pinkish curls. “But he was definitely-- definitely unexpected. I haven’t had time to do anything except live day-to-day. I can’t say that I know what the future is going to look like! But I can say this-- I won’t abandon my duties.” He looked directly at the camera. “I won’t abandon my duties to my son and I won’t abandon my duties to the people I need to save.”

There was a scattering of applause through the studio. Omelet cooed loudly at the noise. Hawks grinned, but for the sake of the interview, shushed him gently. Omelet squawked louder. Hawks reached into his pocket, searching for a pacifier. He located it quickly, but felt himself pale when he realized the only pacifier he’d brought was the very pacifier gifted to them by the head of the League of Villains himself, Shigaraki Tomura. This might not have been an issue except there was a very recognizable handcrafted hand decoration on it. They were just going to have to deal with Omelet’s input! 

“That’s very admirable, Hawks,” the hostess said. “We know we can trust you with our safety. But I think I speak for most of us when I say we wouldn’t blame you for taking a step back on your hero work--”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Hawks protested immediately. 

“Nonsense! Plenty of heroes have taken time off after having children!” 

Hawks shook his head. “I can’t abandon either duty. If I’m doing 200%, so be it!” Omelet began fussing again. “Shh, shh, shh, His,” Hawks soothed quietly.  He wiggled his fingers in front of his baby’s face to distract him. “And who knows!” he continued, louder. “Maybe some mamma bird instincts will kick in and make me an even stronger hero!” 

Omelet started shrieking. 

Scandal! Who is the Number 2 Hero’s Baby Mamma?!

In a shocking interview yesterday afternoon, the previously AWOL Number 2 hero returned to reveal that he is the new father of a three-month old baby. He was not forthcoming with an answer to the first question we all had: who is the mother? 

Hawks has quite the reputation as a bachelor, as the youngest hero ever to make it into the top ten. It is quite the shock to the world to learn he might be taken. The status of his relationship to the mother of his son is unclear. Several theories have emerged:

• Many have speculated on the relationship between the 2nd and 5th ranked heroes. Hawks and Miruko have been spotted in each other’s company frequently over the past few years. It is no secret that they have a close relationship, but the details remain a mystery. However, Miruko has been active in her hero work during the time she would have been supposedly pregnant. 

• Hawks has taken a secret civilian wife, whose identity he is not disclosing for her safety. This is not uncommon among heroes, especially those as private about their personal lives as Hawks. However, since Hawks did reveal the existence and identity of his son, this theory seems less likely. 

• As a young man, it is possible the Number 2 hero simply had a fling with someone of trifling importance and decided to keep the resulting baby. The aching hearts of Hawks’ fans can only hope this is true, that the handsome young hero is still on the market--

More Than Friends? An Exposé on Heroes Hawks and Miruko

It is well known that heroes Hawks and Miruko have a close relationship both as heroes and in their personal lives. There is no shortage of photos of them together socially (see page 3). Despite his good looks and popularity, hero Hawks is seldom seen on dates and has remained scandal-free in his meteoric rise to fame. Carefree and suave, it seems unlikely that a youthful hero should have such a clean record. What is to account for such stellar behavior? His committed relationship with hero Miruko! 

Did We Miss Miruko’s Baby Bump?

It’s so totally obvious that Miruko is baby Hisora’s mamma! So how did we miss the baby bump? Maybe we didn’t! Miruko made several highly public appearances in the early months of last year--

Hawk Got the Bunny!

I think we can all agree that it’s adorable that the two young mutation quirk heroes in the top ten have a baby together--

“Are you proud of this?” Rumi demanded. Hawks was flipping through the pile of tabloids she’d dropped in front of him. To Omelet (whom she’d liberated from Hawks’ arms the moment he’d opened the door), she said in a saccharine voice, “Your papa is an idiot. Yes he is! Yes he is!”

It’d been three months and Hawks still wasn’t used to her using a baby voice. “I am extremely proud.” He pompously fluffed his wings. He’d worked hard for this scandal! 

“Ugh, I can’t believe the media thinks I would sleep with you!” Rumi scoffed. 

“Hey,” Hawks whined. “I’m--” he searched through the articles. “‘A handsome young hero,’ described as ‘dashing,’ ‘suave,’ and ‘a heartbreaker.’ Really, you should be thanking me! I’m boosting your reputation--” Rumi smacked him upside the head. 

“Hisora, I hope you don’t end up anything like your papa,” Rumi said. In response, Omelet pulled his drool-covered fingers out of his mouth and gripped onto Rumi’s sweater, nuzzling his face into her chest. Rumi sighed. “Too late, I guess. It’s a good thing you’re cute.” 

Hawks held up one of the magazines. “Look,” he snorted. “They merged our faces onto a baby and are claiming it looks like His.”

“It looks like a nightmare,” Rumi laughed. “Hisora, sweetie, I’m so sorry anybody would say that about you.” She thought for a moment. “But really, he doesn’t look like me at all. All with the pink hair and blue eyes… You’d think people could put two and two together.”

“Well they’ve certainly put us two together!” Hawks shot Rumi a pair of finger guns. “But yeah, you’re right. We’re gonna need another story and fast, before someone gets out a Punnett square and does the math.” 

“Excuse me, ‘we’ are gonna need another story?” Rumi scoffed. “Sorry bud, you’re on your own with this.” 

“Noooo, Rumi,” Hawks whined. “You’re my best friend! My BFF! My main ho! I’d be lost without you, come on!” Helpfully, Hisora added his own whining to the mix. “See? Even His wants you to help!”
“And how could I say ‘no’ to him, huh?” Rumi rolled her eyes. “Fine. What do you want me to do?” 

“Rumi, you are the hero I need,” Hawks said reverently. “Okay, okay, so I was thinking, the media knows that we’re best friends--”
“Unfortunately,” Rumi muttered. 

“And since you’re probably gonna be under scrutiny real soon--”

“Hm, thanks for that, by the way,” Rumi interrupted dryly. 

“You’re welcome! Anyway, you’re gonna get a lot of media attention, so it’s gonna be up to you to direct the next stage of the Hawks Baby Daddy Scandal.”

“Isn’t it the baby mamma scandal?” Rumi asked. 

“Hm? Oh yeah, sure, for now. I’m not gonna be forthcoming with the fact that I laid an egg-- that shit’s embarrassing, you know-- but if someone asks me directly I’m not gonna lie about it. So it’s only a matter of time before they find out that it is, in fact, a baby daddy scandal,” Hawks explained. 

“Hold up. So you’re expecting them to ask you directly if you laid an egg?” Rumi asked. 

“The media is full of some crackhead ideas, someone’s gonna come up with the idea of me laying an egg.” Hawks shrugged. “So anyway, what I was saying was that you have control over where this scandal goes next. Obviously, you can’t tell the truth because that would make you an accomplice to fraternizing with a villain--” It wasn’t a ‘threat’ per se, ‘threat’ is such a harsh word. It was more of a… friendly reminder. “So you’re gonna have to come up with something different.” 

“Yeah, I wasn’t about to sell you out, what do you take me for?” Rumi said, offended. Omelet was startled by her tone and started crying. “Oh no, shh, shh, shh! Hey I’m sorry, nooo… Hawks?”

Hawks took his baby back from Rumi, bouncing him carefully. “Hey, hey, His, it’s okay, the mean lady isn’t going to hurt you…” Rumi shot him a glare. “Papa’s here, I got you, baby.” Omelet kept crying. Hawks wished Dabi was there, he was always much better at getting their baby to quiet down. He summoned a feather to flit around. Omelet’s crying waned as he watched the feather shoot by. He reached out a slobbery, uncoordinated hand towards it and Hawks let him catch it. Omelet cooed at his spoils and promptly stuck the tip of the feather in his mouth. Hawks looked up at Rumi smugly. 

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, so what do you want me to say to the media?”

“Huh? Oh, you can decide.” Hawks hadn’t thought that far ahead. 

“Then I’m telling them you run underground orgies to make up for the personal attention you crave but don’t receive as a celebrity and you fell in love with an orgy-goer and when she got pregnant, you begged her to keep the child so that you could pretend you were actually together--” Rumi began. 

“You’ve been planning this,” Hawks accused. 

“No, no, I’m referencing an awful romance novel someone wrote and sent to me with a note saying it was about me,” she explained with a shudder. 

“Oh. Yikes. I’m sorry, Rumi.” He shuddered as well. “But please, I beg of you, don’t make it too embarrassing.” 

“Hm. Then how about…” she trailed off. 

“How about?” Hawks prompted. 

“Well, I don’t want to be sued for defamation of character--”

“I said not too embarrassing!” 

Rumi snorted. “Not you, Endeavor!” 

Hawks gasped. “Oh! True! You thought Endeavor was the baby daddy first thing! But you’re right, it probably wouldn’t be good to just say directly, especially because it’s not true.”

She looked thoughtful. “I have an idea…”

“Miss Miruko! Miss Miruko!” One of many reporters called. Rumi wiped the trail of blood from her nose as she turned to face the media. Her heart was still racing from the thrill of victory and she was ready to explain with satisfaction how she’d realized what was thought to be a simple string of muggings was actually a distraction ploy-- 

“Shouldn’t you be with your baby?” someone asked. Oh. Yeah. That.

“My what?” she snapped. 

The reporter faltered. “Uh-- ah, I mean…” they visibly steeled themselves. “Aren’t you the mother of Hawks’ child?”

Rumi had thought about what she was going to say when she was inevitably asked this question. She’d planned any number of clever shut-downs and brutal remarks. Actually hearing the question though… she couldn’t help but throw her head back and laugh. Cackle even. The world really thought she was in a relationship with Hawks. That she had a baby with Hawks. The sheer absurdity of the notion was laughable, but hearing directly was hilarious.  

“You think I’m that squirt’s mom?” She had to pause to guffaw. 

“So you’re not?” Several more reporters had congregated. Cameras were rolling. 

She held up two fingers. “Two words for ya. ‘Hell.’ ‘No.’” 

“Miss Miruko!” Damn, reporters were vultures. They were completely undeterred. “Do you know who the baby mamma is?” 

Well, now was her chance. “Baby mamma? Technically yes, but I ain’t telling you lot.”

“Miss Miruko! Miss Miruko! What do you mean by ‘technically’ yes?” 

 “Let’s just say you’re barking up the wrong tree,” she said. “You really oughta be looking for a baby daddy.” As certain as Hawks was about someone figuring out that he laid an egg, Rumi wasn’t as confident. And since she wanted the spotlight off of her and onto Endeavor ASAP, she figured she’d give them a little push in the right direction. 

There was an immediate uproar. 

“A baby daddy? How?”

“Adoption?”

“Quirks?”

“Who?!”

“Miss Miruko, who?”

“Who, who--”

Rumi rubbed at her still-bleeding nose. “I’ve said enough. I ain’t handing you a scoop on a silver platter.” 

“She’s said enough? Did she give us a hint?” 

Rumi snorted at the clucking reporters as she made to leave. She smirked to herself, confident that, like she had, they would soon make the leap that Endeavor was the obvious choice. 

“She said ‘barking’ up the wrong ‘tree,’” someone called. She paused, ears swivelling to listen. 

“I’ve got it! Hawks’ baby daddy is Kamui Woods!”  

Rumi felt her smirk fall. Whoops.     

“OMG, this is my big break!!” Mt. Lady squealed to Kamui when she saw a huge swarm of reporters racing towards them. 

“Do they look… more rabid than usual?” Kamui asked as his friend shrunk back to a reasonable size. 

She narrowed her eyes. “You know, you’re right. I bet there here for you. What did you do?” 

“Me?” Kamui squawked indignantly. “I don’t do anything, ever!”

“And yet you’re still so popular,” Mt. Lady muttered. “Anyway are we gonna see what they want or do you wanna run?”

The first huffing reporter came into earshot. 

“Too late,” Kamui whispered, waving. 

“Mr. Kamui Woods!” the reporter cried, but was immediately drowned out as the peloton of reporters caught up. It was hard to make out what anyone was saying, but it was clear they wanted Kamui for something. He shot a panicked glance at Mt. Lady. She looked just as baffled as he did. 

“Uh, one at a time, please--” Kamui requested. The reporters redoubled their questions. 

“Hey! He said one at a time!” Mt. Lady shouted and a silence fell over the crowd. She pointed at a random reporter. “You! What is this about?”

The reporter stepped forward, clearing his throat. “Mr. Kamui, is it true?” 

“Is what true?” he asked faintly. 

“Ohhhh, Kamui, what did you do?” Mt. Lady jeered. 

“Is it true that you are the father of Hawks’ child?” 

Hawks pursed his lips as he watched the news. Dabi had paused in making dinner to lean over the back of the couch to watch. 

A flustered-looking Kamui Woods was frantically waving away the barrage of microphones pointed in his face. Mt. Lady popped in and out of camera-shot, hooking her chin over Kamui’s shoulder so her face was visible. The din died down when Mt. Lady grabbed one of the proffered microphones. 

“My colleague would like to make an official statement,” she announced. Due to their proximity, the mic picked up Kamui’s weak ‘I what?’ before it was shoved into his wooded hand. 

He stared at the microphone like it was a venomous snake that had been handed to him instead. He gulped visibly. 

“Uh… I am not the father of Hawks’ child,” he said flatly. There was audible disappointment. “B-but!” Kamui continued. “If I were, you could bet I would not hesitate to claim the kid as my own. I would be proud to be the father. Hawks is a very talented, hard-working hero. I’m sure his child is wonderful.”
“Damn right,” Dabi said. 

On screen, Kamui continued, “Whoever is the father-- or mother-- or other parent, if there is one, should consider themselves very lucky.”

“Damn right,” Hawks said. 

“If I were the father, I would have announced it from the second I found out. How would I be able to stay quiet about something so happy? It would be such a blessing. As a hero, it’s often difficult to imagine a future for myself that’s anything other than hero work, but sometimes I think it would be nice to have a family instead. Nothing too crazy, just a few kids, maybe a dog. I envy Hawks, and any partner he might have, but I only wish them the best.” Kamui gave a jerky nod to the nearest camera and handed the microphone back to Mt. Lady. 

An ‘aww’ resounded through the microphone. “Aww, Kamui!” Mt. Lady cooed. 

Dabi turned to Hawks. “Was he… confessing to liking you?” 

“I hope not,” Hawks said. Then he considered. “Wait, you know what? I hope so, he’s not bad. Not bad at all.” 

Dabi narrowed his eyes, smoking suspiciously. 

“Hey, hey, crispy, don’t get jealous of a tree, I’m just sayin.’” Hawks leaned over to plant a kiss on Dabi’s cheek. “And don’t worry, I know you’re super proud to be Omelet’s dad. Pride doesn’t mean publicity.”

“Obviously,” Dabi said with an eye roll, though he looked assuaged. 

“Someone get this tree man a baby ASAP, though,” Hawks snorted. “He sounded so passionate.” 

Kamui had fled the scene, leaving a beaming Mt. Lady the center of attention. 

“So…” someone started. “Are you Hawks’ baby mamma?”

Love Triangle Between Kamui Woods, Mt. Lady, and Hawks?

The question plaguing everyone’s minds at the moment is “Who is Hawks’ baby’s other parent?” According to pro hero Miruko, it is possible that the other parent is in fact, a father. It is unclear if this was meant as a joke, but now no possibilities can be ruled out. 

In a post-battle interview, Kamui Woods gave an impassioned speech about parenting as a hero. There was perhaps an undercurrent of longing in his voice-- or maybe jealousy! 

Pro hero and colleague of Kamui Woods, Mt. Lady claimed that she in fact was the mother of Hawks’ child! Kamui Woods’ jealousy may have stemmed from his own affection for Mt. Lady or Hawks or perhaps both. Are we seeing the results of a pro hero love triangle?--

CALLED OUT: Tree Hero Throws Serious Shade!

Live on air yesterday evening, no. 7 hero Kamui Woods made an impressive declaration: If he were the father of no. 2 hero Hawks’ son, he wouldn’t hesitate to announce it to the world in a show of fatherly love and pride. This is clearly a passive-aggressive message to the child’s other parent, unusually bold for the normally mild-mannered hero. Could he know something? As Kamui and Hawks are fellow young top-ten heroes, it is fully possible that Kamui is aware of the other parent’s identity—perhaps someone he is known to dislike?—and is encouraging them to get a move on…

#IllHaveYourBabyKamui Trending on Twitter, and Other Hero News…

A matter of hours after Kamui Woods, the tree hero who ranked #7 at the Hero Billboard Chart JP, confessed a desire for a family, specifically, quote “a few kids,” Twitter exploded with young women offering to have his baby--

Mt. Lady: A Father?!

It’s been quite a storm for the media since No. 2 Hero Hawks revealed that he had a son, but specifically failed to identify a second parent. Originally, the person of interest was Hawks’ longtime friend, Miruko. When questioned, however, Miruko denied her involvement with Hawks and instead indicated that the culprit was a father rather than a mother. All eyes turned to Kamui Woods when Miruko used a tree-related idiom in reference to the search of baby Hisora’s other parent. Kamui also denied involvement with Hawks and was quick to extricate himself from the interview, leaving Mt. Lady at the scene. When questioned if she was Hisora’s mother, her answer was ‘yes.’ 

While these seem to be a conflicting group of details, all it takes is a closer look to see how everything fits together. Miruko said she “technically” knew who the baby mamma was. Kamui’s potential jab at the other parent for not revealing themselves and Mt. Lady’s subsequent confession. What is the truth? Mt. Lady is Hisora’s parent, not as a mother, but as a father! It is well-known that quirks can affect reproduction in odd ways--

“I’m beginning to think this is getting out of hand,” Hawks mentioned to Dabi. 

“Look, if you’d rather deal with a screaming Omelet, by all means, I’ll stop playing ‘Stainy’ with him,” Dabi huffed, dropping the Stain plushie, gifted to them by Spinner, on the ground. Immediately, Omelet began screaming. “See? It’s the only thing that he wants right now.” 

Hawks blinked. “No, no please keep playing ‘Stainy.’” He was beyond caring about the moral implications of Dabi shaking the Stain plushie in front of Omelet while reciting Stain’s philosophies. It kept him from screaming. “I was talking about the scandal.” 

“Oh. Yeah, that,” Dabi said. “It’s been out of hand. Since the beginning. Have you even talked to the Commission yet?” 

“Yeah, I’ve sent them the shrug emoticon daily,” Hawks answered. “Actually I still need to do that today.”

     To: 🤡🤡🤡

     ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

He ignored the immediate barrage of messages demanding to know where he’d gotten the baby, what the meaning of this was, etc. He’d answered them! The answer was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 

“Aren’t you still trying to keep up appearances as a hero?” Dabi asked. “Isn’t this going to be, ya know, suspicious?”

“Nah.” Hawks waved him off. “They’ve known me since I was a kid. It’d be suspicious if I did official report stuff. They’re just gonna have to accept I know what I’m doing.” 

“You don’t, though,” Dabi pointed out.

“No, I don’t,” Hawks agreed. “I think they’ll figure it out when they process my reimbursement/compensation app.” 

“You’re not serious about that, are you?” Dabi asked. Hisora gave an impatient squall. Dabi quickly picked up the Stain plushie. “Okay, okay, Omelet.” Dabi cleared his throat and adopted a nasally tone. “Stainy says: fake heroes should be purged from the world!” 

“I’m always serious about getting that cash,” Hawks said. 

Dabi cleared his throat again pointedly. “Stainy says: heroes should not be rewarded for their work.”

Hawks sent a feather to smack the back of Dabi’s head. “Well, somebody says I can’t be a villain--”  

Dabi just laughed. 

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Feb 22

     No guys im serious I think Hawks’ baby daddy is Best Jeanist

     Sneans (snail jeans) @jultjultjult · Feb 22

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     This idea is so cursed

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Feb 22

     Replying to @jultjultjult

     Think about it tho: When’s the last time you saw BJ?

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Feb 22

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     Why has he disappeared? He was having a baby. Boom. 

     MS Paint Art @xxrawr8834 · Feb 23

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     Are you implying Hawks knocked up BJ???????

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Feb 23

     Replying to @xxrawr8834

     I’M DOING A LITTLE MORE THAN IMPLYING 

     D-D-D-Dora @caillou_bald · Feb 23

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     Come on dude, what if he’s dead? That’s so insensitive

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Feb 23

     Replying to @caillou_bald

     I can’t believe Best Jeanist died in childbirth 😔

     Broke @heroesrus · Feb 23

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     F

     MS Paint Art @xxrawr8834 · Feb 23

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     F

     Sneans (snail jeans) @jultjultjult · Feb 24

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     F

Villain Spotted with Hawks’ Baby

(Witness and author remain anonymous for their protection)

On Sunday afternoon, we at The Reveal were contacted by a witness. The following article is informed by their account, edited for clarity. 

So I’ve lived in a sort of bad neighborhood for most of my life. It’s not unusual to see high profile villains at the grocery store around there. It’s practically a villain-mart. It’s a dog-eat-dog kinda place though, and snitches get stitches, so you keep your head down and mind your own business. But I’ve been keeping up with the whole ‘who is Hawks’ baby daddy’ story-- who hasn’t?-- and when I saw the kid in my neighborhood, I knew something was up. That’s one famous baby. At first, I thought maybe the kid had been kidnapped. I’m not a hero, but I wasn’t about to let anyone mess with a baby, no matter whose it was. So here I was, sticking my nose into dangerous, dangerous territory for some hero’s kid. Followed the guy for a bit, but he was mostly popping into stores. Came out of one with a toy for the kid and I started thinking maybe I was wrong. He was wearing a coat and hood, but I have photos. I believe I have proof that the father of Hawks’ child is Shigaraki Tomura from the League of Villains. 

“Ohhhh,” Toga jeered. “Somebody’s gonna get their babysitting privileges revoked!” 

“Shut up,” Shigaraki growled. “Dabi said he wasn’t planning on getting Hisora any video games, and no kid deserves to live like that.”

“Methinks you just got carried away spoiling the kid because he smiled at you,” Mr. Compress sniggered. 

“Like you’re any better.” Shigaraki slouched. “Like any of you are any better.”

“Oh, not at all,” Compress acquiesced. “I have sworn life and allegiance to baby Omelet.”

Twice slammed a hand against the table. “I motion for us to change our name to the League of Omelet!” 

“We’re not doing that,” Kurogiri said evenly. 

“Aw,” Twice said. “Yay!” 

“I dunno, League of Omelet sounds like an improvement to me,” a drawling voice said from the door.

“Dabi-kun!” Toga cheered. “Did you see the news? Didja? With Shigaraki-kun and Omie-chan--”

Dabi hummed noncommittally. “I seem to recall something like that. Something like Shigaraki getting my kid more shit he doesn’t need when I specifically said not to get him shit he doesn’t need--”

Shigaraki cleared his throat. “There are scientific studies that show that children who play Pokémon have an observably different psychology--” 

“He’s three months old, he can’t even hold a Switch,” Dabi said.

Shigaraki considered this. “I see. I’ll get him a Gameboy. Maybe it’s for the better; he should start with Gen I, anyway.” 

“Congratulations, by the way,” Dabi said dryly. “The world thinks you’re my son’s father.” 

“If I were his father, he’d already be playing Pokémon,” Shigaraki grumbled. 

Dabi ignored him. “But that brings me to what I came here for. I have a plan.”

“A plan?” Toga repeated. “For what?”

“A plan to make sure the world never knows that I’m Omelet’s dad,” Dabi explained. 

“But why?” Spinner piped up. “Like obviously it might be some trouble for Hawks if the truth comes out, but won’t it be easier in the long run?”

“Easier for whom?” Dabi asked. “Easier for the kid who never asked to be the son of a notorious super villain? I’m not going to do that to him. If he decides when he’s older than he wants to be public about his parentage, that’s fine, that’s his decision. But I won’t let the world put expectations on my son just because of who his father is.” 

Compress clutched his chest dramatically. “How selfless!” 

“What a good dad,” Twice mused. 

“Dad-bi! Dad-bi!” Toga cheered. 

“Knock it off,” Dabi growled. “I’m just trying not to ruin his life.” 

Spinner wiped away an imaginary tear. “So what’s the plan?”

“The plan,” Dabi said, “is to reveal the truth.”

“And this works, why…?” Compress asked. 

“Because,” Dabi smirked. “we’re also gonna flood the media with so much bullshit the truth blends right in.”

“Ah,” Kurogiri said. “Hide a tree in the forest.”

Compress humed approvingly. “Clever, clever. But it still begs the question: how are you going to make it happen?” 

Dabi shrugged. “It’s not gonna actually be that hard. The internet is already full of conspiracy theories. The ingredients are all there, we just gotta stir the pot.” 

“Ohhh,” Toga gasped. “Some good ol’ fashioned internet trolling!” 

“Not just that,” Dabi said. “Phony evidence. Obviously fake confessions, and a lot of them. We gotta make it a trend.”

Shigaraki looked interested. “And once the trend takes off, someone poses you as a theory and it’s taken as a joke with everything else.” 

“I have like 30 puppet accounts for Kpop! I catfished Spinner for a month on one of them!” Toga said. “I can totally use them for this!”

“You what?” Spinner gasped. “You mean Jellyfish33 is you? You let me talk to you for a month?”  

“Ohhh no, did I forget to tell you that?” Toga affected a sheepish look. “Whoopsie.” 

“How could you?” Spinner’s voice cracked.
“In my defense, sometimes it was Jin-kun!” Toga pointed an accusing finger at Twice.  

Spinner looked absolutely betrayed at Twice. “You too?”

Compress tsked. “Wow, talk about a jerk move.”

“You know about Spinner’s fragile feelings. That was a very mean thing to do,” Kurogiri scolded. 

“We’re very sorry, Spinner,” Twice apologized in a wobbly voice. 

“We’ll make it up to you! We’ll find you a date, don’t you worry!” Toga promised. 

“Back to the plan,” Dabi said pointedly. “Hawks is enlisting some help on the civvy and hero side of things. And possibly something about help from teenagers? So we just need to do our part to make heroes, villains, and civilians all prone to suspicion.” 

Toga clapped. “Because when everyone’s super, nobody’s super!”

“Thanks, Syndrome.” Dabi rolled his eyes. “Does everyone understand their duties?”

Twice saluted. “Sir, yes sir!” 

r/Hawks • Posted by u/Oobi the Hand 1 week ago

Discussion Who is Hisora’s (Hawks’ baby) other parent?? 

I saw some theories on Twitter about Best Jeanist being the baby daddy and some people thought Mt. Lady was being serious when she said she was. I don’t think either one is true. We only really have the one interview where Hawks showed us his baby (so cute!). He has pink hair and blue eyes (and before you come for me, YES I know babies have blue eyes, shut up, these are REALLY blue eyes). I’ve made a list of pro heroes who have red, pink, or dyed hair or light colored eyes who might genetically make sense (I DON’T think Hisora was adopted because Hawks said that he was unexpected). I’m NOT sure if it’s another pro hero, I just felt like it might be.

So. Who do we think the other parent is? THEORIES HERE!

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jellycatfish Jellyfish33 1493 points • 3 days ago

SHIGARAKI 👏 FROM👏 THE👏 LEAGUE 👏OF 👏VILLAINS👏 IS 👏HISORA’S👏 OTHER 👏 PARENT👏 

Y’all are blind af or living under a rock. (╯✿◕益◕）╯︵ ┻━┻ There’s literally pictures of Shigaraki with the baby! And this one of Hawks’ baby with a pacifier that looks sort of like the hands Shigaraki-kun sometimes has!!! We’ve never seen them interact, but that probably just means they’ve been keeping their relationship a secret!

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ferociousbeast Maggieee 156 points • 3 days ago

Are you one of those freaks who like runs a fanpage for villains?? Hawks is one of the top    ranking heroes, why would he have ANYTHING to do with the League of Villains? Obviously those pictures either aren’t what you think they are or they’ve been altered. 

oncetwicethrice Many 96 points • 3 days ago

No, she has a point! Don’t hate!

     Bring it around clown @simpclown · Mar 5

     When are we going to talk about the fact that Shigaraki was just watching the kid for fellow league member Mr. Compress? 

     Bring it around clown @simpclown · Mar 5

     Replying to @simpclown

     Hawks is so pretty, he wouldn’t settle for someone as crusty as Shigaraki, he would have gone for the most attractive league member and that’s obviously Mr. Compress 

     (✿◉‿◉)🗡@stabbystababe · Mar 5

     Replying to @simpclown

     EXCUSE ME??? Toga-chan is CLEARLY waifu material 😤

     Bring it around clown @simpclown · Mar 5

     Replying to @stabbystababe

     Toga might be waifu, but if Miruko isn’t the mom, then no woman is the mom. It’s gotta be a dude. 

     (✿◉‿◉)🗡@stabbystababe · Mar 5

     Replying to @simpclown

     Then clearly the best choice out of the League is Twice?? 

     You Again (2010 Rom-com starring Kristen Bell) @againagainagain · Mar 5

     Replying to @stabbystababe

     Aww :) 

     Bring it around clown @simpclown · Mar 5

     Replying to @stabbystababe

     It’s about the allure of a man who hides his face

     Mr. Cloud @fathercloud15 · Mar 5

     Replying to @simpclown

     I believe most of the League have some form of facial obscurity. 

     Scaly💕🦎 @lonelilizardboi · Mar 5

     Replying to @simpclown

     Stain hides his face… 

       amanwithatinyneck

Since apparently we’ve moved on to theorizing villains for Hawks’ baby daddy, might I suggest: Stain.

#tiny speaks #hawks baby daddy theories #hero killer stain #conspiracy theories #just think how funny it would be if he got seduced #by a hero

989 notes

Kaminari approached his teacher’s desk, phone in hand. Aizawa looked up, prying his eyes open.

“What?” he asked groggily. 

Kaminar barely held back a giggle. He cleared his throat. He had to do this perfectly. “Hawksbabydaddysayswhat.”

Aizawa blinked audibly, trying to process what his student had just said. “What?”

Immediately Kamiari burst into victorious cries. “It worked! It worked! I got it on first try! I got it on film! Jirou! Jirou, did you see that, I got it on-- ACK!” 

The last thing he caught on the video was the terrifying sight of Aizawa rearing to full height, eyes blazing. 

     amphibifriend

In case you were wondering my take.

     acascuuuuuuuzeme

Akfadfkl;jlk that’s so funny 

Source: amphibifriend

#ohhhh I haven’t seen any for this one #look I just think he’s kind of sexy #hawks might too

1,206 notes

“In the past month, since hero Hawks revealed in an interview that he had a son, the baby daddy craze has swept Japan. The world wants to know: who is the number 2 hero’s baby daddy? People have taken it upon themselves to find the answer, even ask the most unlikely of sources. Take a look.” The newscaster gestured over his shoulder where a screen enlarged, showing a shaky phone video of a post-battle clean up. The audio came on.

“Mr. Fatgum! Mr. Fatgum!” a breathless voice called. “Are you Hawks’ baby daddy?”

The BMI hero looked startled. Next to him, an excited-looking redheaded teenager appeared, looking delighted. 

“Say yes, say yes!” he encouraged. “It’s a meme!” 

Fatgum looked no less confused, but hesitantly said, “Um… yes?” 

The video cut off the beginning of an excited yell from the cameraman. 

Another video began. Police were arresting a few slightly banged-up looking villains. A similarly amateur reporter approached. 

“Wait! Wait! Can I ask them a question first?” 

The police looked at each other and then tried to wave off the onlooker. 

“No wait! Are any of you Hawks’ baby daddy?” they called as they were ushered away. 

One of the criminals piped up immediately. “YES!” 

“YES!” the onlooker cheered. 

The newscaster appeared on screen again.

“While we can all appreciate the joke surrounding the mystery of Hawks’ partner, heroes and police alike are concerned with the trend of approaching villains and active battle areas for footage like this.”

     panera-panera

Okay, look. I try to keep this blog discourse-free, but I’m SICK of seeing all this stuff about who Hawks’ child’s other parent is. You can tell in the interviews that Hawks is really uncomfortable with all this prying. He’s trying to take care of his baby, he doesn’t need everyone prying into his business. He didn’t ask for this. I’m honestly… disappointed. I’m in no way SURPRISED that people are acting like this, but I’m so disappointed. The bar was on the ground, and you all brought shovels. Why do people even CARE who the other parent is????? It’s something Hawks obviously isn’t comfortable sharing and it doesn’t change anything. You know you’re not the parent?? Good, then anything else is not your business. 

Sorry for the rant, I’m just fed up. 

     buddythebelhop

THANK YOU! I’m so glad someone finally said it! I’ve been thinking this for a while, but I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t put into words why I was uncomfortable with all of this. 

     missatlatl

Honestly, I think this shows how disrespectful Hawks’ fans are. I know not all of them are like that, but so many of them have NO respect for their hero. I’m 99% sure they just like him because they think he’s hot. I didn’t see this huge a reaction when Atlatl had HER baby and it’s STILL not public information who the other parent was. And you know what? Her fans did NOT collectively lose our shit and act like we’re entitled to know her personal information. 

     bootreer  

?????????????? This post is about the media invading Hawks’ privacy?? This had NOTHING to do with Atlatl. You know why there wasn’t a big scandal?? Because nobody knows who atlatl is

     just-craving-clouds

NO, NO, NO, NO, and NO! Hawks LITERALLY brought his baby on live TV, he’s agreed to every interview he’s been in, he’s NEVER minded being photographed. He is an adult and a powerful pro-hero. Rewatch the Hero Billboard. Hawks is fine. His S/O might be uncomfortable being in the spotlight, but I don’t think Hawks would ever do anything to actually reveal their identity. Chill out. 

Source: panera-panera

#hawks discourse #literally chill out #im convinced its eraserhead anyway

9,723 notes

Trending

Hawks’ Baby Daddy Confirmed [PROHERO COMPILATION]

Mossey3 995k views   ·    4 days ago

ALL MIGHT’S SECRET LOVE CHILDREN: Hawks’ Baby, Atlatl’s Baby, and More… 

BBFT Green 1M views   ·    1 day ago

Hawks’ Baby Daddy Theories RANKED (by plausibility WITH EVIDENCE)

Gengensaten  1M views   ·    2 days ago

The Coverup Behind Hawks’ Baby

Hawks’ baby: if you don’t know who he is, you’ve been living under a rock. News of the number 2 hero’s child has been trending solidly for nearly a month. Is this by design? Why all the secrecy? I’m here to offer a theory:

Hawks’ baby is the result of an underground eugenics-focused quirk breeding program. 

Yes, I am suggesting that Hawks was used to breed a new generation of designer quirk babies. Hawks has a powerful and desirable quirk. He flaunted his baby happily but shied immediately away from questioning of where he came from. I believe that this is because he was proud of the success, but did not wish to disclose the questionable ethics of how and why his child came to be. (Thus, a media storm to function as a coverup, as I will discuss later.)

Does this mean that we will never know the true identity of Hisora’s other parent? No. I firmly believe the child is a result of quirk breeding between number 1 and 2 proheroes Endeavor and Hawks. I’ll link a few sources discussing proof that Endeavor is the father, so I will not get into it here. The important thing to note is that Endeavor has been a vocal proponent for quirk breeding in the past--

     yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

Hawks’ baby daddy pride flag!!

Source: yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

#hawksbabydaddy 

317 notes

     yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

ERASERHEAD is Hawks’ baby daddy! 

Source: yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

#hawksbabydaddy #eraserhead

1,588 notes

     yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

ENDEAVOR is Hawks’ baby daddy! 

Source: yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

#hawksbabydaddy #endeavor

2,003 notes

Hawks shuddered, sipping his triple-shot black coffee. It was disgustingly bitter, but he was so tired that his sense of taste was pretty much gone. He’d started reporting for duty several days a week, leaving Hisora in the care of Dabi (and recently, the League) or Rumi if she wasn’t busy. He was this close to just asking Tsukuyomi to babysit. Actually, that wasn’t a half-bad idea. The kid was stoic, but Hawks liked his dedication. And Hawks was his mentor, so Hisora was practically his nephew or something.

It was snowing outside. Hawks really didn’t want to fly through the cold and wet. It seemed a waste to call a taxi, but he was so tired… 

He let out an undignified squawk when a microphone was shoved in his face. Shit, he hadn’t even noticed the reporter sneaking up on him. Did he have the energy to be friendly? Ugh, he had to. 

“Hey, there!” Hawks greeted. 

“H-hi!” the reporter greeted nervously. Ahh, shit, she seemed young. He couldn’t even feel annoyed that he was stopped in the middle of the snow when all he wanted to do was go home to cuddle his baby. “Would you, um, would you be willing to answer some questions for me?” 

“Sure thing,” he agreed, holding up an ‘ok’ sign. 

“Really?!” she burst out, before schooling herself. “I mean, thank you! Uh, I uh, understand you’ve been very private about the identity of your baby’s other parent. But I’m sure you’ve noticed the, um, excitement over it. Could you give me a comment on the media uproar?” 

Well, as questions went, this wasn’t so bad. Nor was it gonna be a front page scoop. Step up, kid, be bold! 

Hawks took a deep swig of his coffee. “To be honest with you, I think it’s a lot of hoopla to make over a little Krabby Patty. Just because it’s a secret doesn’t mean it’s a big deal.” 

“Then why keep it a secret?” the young reporter prompted. 

“It’s not just my secret to keep, eh?” he said. Was he gonna do it? He was gonna do it. “Plus, I don’t wanna be sued for defamation of character.” The moment the phrase had left Rumi’s mouth, Hawks decided it was going to make an appearance in this scandal. 

The reporter’s eyes went wide. “Defamation of character?” she repeated. 

By this point, several other groups of reporters and people with cell phones out were gathering conspicuously around like vultures. 

“Oh yeah,” Hawks agreed. “You know, there are people whose rank-- I mean, reputation might suffer from having secrets revealed.” 

“Rank?” the reporter repeated, clearly taking the bait. 

“Reputation,” Hawks corrected nonchalantly. The reporter nodded slowly, scribbling something down in her notepad. Hook, line, and sinker. And while he was at it, “You know I have half a mind to sue for child sup-- oops, I probably shouldn’t say that. Forget that last bit, would you?” 

“Oh! Uh, of course,” the reporter agreed. He almost trusted that she meant that. The others however, were sure to have overheard. 

“I’ve got a baby waiting for me, so I should be off. Toodles!” Hawks gave the reporter a wave of his fingers. Hope this time someone would finally accuse Endeavor and then he’d be happy to let the scandal die down. Until then, he’d stir the pot a bit! 

r/Hawks

Discussion Who is Hirsora’s (Hawks’ baby) other parent?? 

Sunnysideup Lightly Salted 712 points • 5 days ago

My theory is that it’s Eraserhead. I explained more in depth in another post, but I’ll summarize: 

-Hawks has expressed admiration of Eraserhead before (source , source , and source)

-Hawks spent more time around UA, where Eraserhead works as a teacher, a lot more around this time last year (source: I can’t find it, but it’s in an article where Hawks was talking about taking an intern from UA) 

-Eraserhead avoids press, like, all the time, it wouldn’t be hard for him to hide anything, really

-There’s been theories that Eraserhead dyes his hair for a long time

-Does this dodginess with the press remind you of anything? (The way UA has historically handled scandals) 

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Riceydice Ricey 599 points  • 1 week ago

I think Hawks just laid an egg all by himself and it hatched. 

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Boatagenda Lil Boat Boy 430 points • 11 hours ago

IT’S ENDEAVOR!!! IT’S ENDEAVOR!!!!!! HOLY SHIT IT’S PRETTY MUCH ALL BUT CONFIRMED, IT’S ENDEAVOR!!!!!!!! LINK: https://theheroscoop.com/articles/12mmf-galkr03/hawks-baby-daddy-update

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Hawks sipped his coffee (or as Dabi would call it, his “coffee-flavored milk”) and serenely watched the world burn. Metaphorically, of course. He’d thought his scandal had been everywhere before? Well, now it was absolutely unavoidable. 

He listened to the news while he waited for the water for Omelet’s formula to boil. His baby was asleep for now, but Hawks knew it wouldn’t last much longer. Normally, Dabi took care of feeding Omelet, but he’d been doing something for the League that kept him out and about at all hours, and Hawks was absolutely not pouty about it. He understood! For security reasons, Dabi couldn’t tell him what the League was up to, he wasn’t bitter about it at all. Not one bit. 

At least he had the news to entertain him while Dabi was gone!!

“--it just makes sense,” a newscaster said. He was gesticulating wildly between a picture of Endeavor and a low-quality picture of Hisora from the one interview he’d been in. “Genetically, you know, it makes sense. If you see here, it’s an 85% color match between their eyes, a very distinct bright blue-green color. You can see here, this distinct color is also shared by Endeavor’s son Shouto.”

Hawks laughed to himself. This really was the perfect cover-up. It was very convincing! And he was pretty sure nobody had a high enough quality picture of Dabi to see that there were, in fact, more people with this specific eye color. Hawks considered himself very lucky for this coincidence. But best of all, it was sure to piss Endeavor off and that was gonna be fun.  

In the bedroom, Hisora started crying.

“Gooooood morning, baby!” Hawks greeted. Hisora continued crying but held his arms up. Hawks scooped him up, tickling his tiny fluffy white wings. “You’re an absolute star! You’ve got the public in an uproar and you’re hardly three months old. The center of attention!” Omelet’s cries quieted. “Well, well, well, do we have a future celebrity on our hands? May I interest you in a nice bottle of formula, Mr. Omelet?” 

He, in fact, could interest him in a nice bottle of formula. That was one thing he was incredibly grateful for: Hisora was an excellent eater. 

“Now I think we shouldn’t be so quick to jump to the conclusion,” a different newscaster was saying. “The consequences of accusing Endeavor of fathering a child of another hero are--”

“Now, I wouldn’t say I’m jumping to conclusions, did you hear what I just said?” the original newscaster protested. 

She ignored him and continued. “He is married and has children, we’ve seen no evidence that he was interested in Hawks--’
“No evidence? They’ve been seen together socially--”  

“I don’t believe we have sufficient evidence to conclude that Endeavor is the father--”

“Fight, fight, fight!” Hawks chanted. Hisora ‘ooh’ed in agreement, having decided he was done with his bottle.

There was a knock at the door. 

“Auntie Rumi’s here!” Hawks told Hisora. 

“Well done,” Rumi said by way of greeting the moment Hawks opened the door. “Endeavor is all over the news.”

“Aw, I couldn’t have done it without you!” Hawks said. 

“Don’t mention it,” Rumi said. “And I mean that literally, I do not want Endeavor on my ass.”

“I do,” Hawks said wistfully.
“Stop. Being. Nasty.” Rumi punctuated her words with punches to Hawks’ shoulder. “Hi, Hisora, I’m here to rescue you!” 

“He’s a little grumpy this morning, just a warning--” Hawks cut himself off when Hisora reached his arms out towards Rumi ‘ooh’ing. “Traitor.”

Rumi looked super smug and took Hisora. 

“For real though, thanks for watching him,” Hawks said, hurrying to get ready for a patrol.

Rumi rolled her eyes. “Not like I have anything better to do until I’m cleared for missions again.” 

Rumi had had an ‘unfortunate accident’ that injured her wrist. It was nothing major but she was being held back from missions for a week or two. She wasn’t forthcoming on how she sustained her injury, but he suspected Fourth Kind’s likewise injured arm and Rumi’s smugness surrounding the topic of arm-wrestling had something to do with it. 

Hawks sent feathers around the apartment to gather his jacket and shoes. “I just fed him, so he should be good for a few hours, but he’ll need to be changed soon. Oh and if Endeavor shows up, play dumb.”

With that, Hawks set off. 

Enji was sure he was burning 100 degrees hotter today. He was frankly surprised that the sidewalk itself was not melting under his steps. Rage boiled through him. He was aware of people looking at him and whispering, but he couldn’t give a damn, he was getting this fixed and he was getting this fixed now.  

Enji had never been the type to keep up with mainstream news; for many years, it was always about All Might and he spent far too much time thinking about that man as it was. Now it was full of young heroes getting into trouble, or people deciding to take it on themselves to criticize hero society. As if they’d be safe without the sacrifice heroes made! No, he much preferred newspaper; there was nobody yelling their unwanted opinions at him, no commercial breaks, and as an added bonus, it was flammable. 

His PR team had advised him that social media really was the key to getting anywhere with the popularity poll. Taking their advice, Enji had created a ‘Twitter’ and an ‘Instagram’ but he had no idea how to use them. On top of that, people had already taken almost every professional variation of his name. ‘Endeavor,’ ‘Hero Endeavor,’ ‘Hellfire Hero,’ ‘Enji Todoroki,’ and the like had all been taken by various people, none of which had any association with him. He was disgruntled, but nobody had been able to find a way to make any user give him his name. He’d also found an alarming amount of outrageously inappropriate account names and accounts about him. He could have gone his entire life without knowing that Instagram user “Enjistits” wanted to be “crushed” by his “massive bara tiddies.” He’d learned quite a bit about “emojis,” specifically that fruit and vegetables are not used to encourage a healthy balanced diet. 

So imagine his surprise when he went to work, blissfully unaware of the mindless gossip circling the world of social media, only to be bombarded with questions about why he wasn’t paying child support. 

And to whom was he supposed to be paying child support? Why, to none other than the Number 2 hero, Hawks. 

He’d heard that Hawks had a child, of course, even with his news consumption habits. He’d thought it was good that Hawks was starting early. He had a strong quirk that any children he might have would be lucky to inherit. What he’d missed, however, was the apparent hubbub about who the other parent was. And now he was mixed up in it. Someone had somehow gotten the impression that he was the father to Hawks’ baby. 

First of all, Enji had his prodigy already (Shouto was rebellious, sure, but Enji was sure he’d grow into a fine hero regardless) so there would be no need to have a child with Hawks. Second of all, he was struggling to understand why the public was so readily accepting of the fact that Hawks could have, in fact, borne his child. Sure, quirks could (though very rarely) affect reproductive capabilities, but it wouldn’t have been his first assumption. Third of all, he was going to kill Hawks.

After scaring off reporters, Enji had marched right into a convenience store and cleaned them out of tabloids, magazines, and newspapers. It hadn’t taken him long to identify where the media had gotten the idea he had fathered Hawks’ child:

A little birdy told them. 

It didn’t take long to locate Hawks. He was on patrol, but was casually strolling rather than flying. 

“HAWKS,” Enji roared, barreling towards him. “What is the MEANING OF THIS?” He shoved a tabloid with a cover reading “Endeavor Doesn’t Pay Child Support to Hawks” into his face. Around them, cameras flashed. Enji didn’t pay them any mind; he was going to get irrefutable proof that he wasn’t the father. 

Hawks looked delighted. “Hey there, daddy,” he drawled.

Don’t explode, Enji. Don’t explode. He took a deep breath to avoid turning into a column of flame. “Don’t call me that,” he ground out. “Answer my question.”

Hawks daintily took the magazine from him to examine it. “Well… it’s true, you’re not paying child support,” he said after a moment. 

Enji’s flames grew noticeably. “THAT’S BECAUSE I’M NOT THE FATHER!” 

Hawks shrugged. “I never said you were.”

“Well you certainly never said I wasn’t and now the media has decided to-- to accuse me!” Enji huffed. 

“What do you want to do about it?” Hawks asked innocently. 

“Confirm that I am not the father to your child,” Enji demanded. 

“Sure,” Hawks agreed. “Hey! Are you a reporter?” he called out to a nearby lurker. 

“Uh-- um!” the reporter stuttered, apparently surprised he was caught by the two top heroes. “Yes, I am.”

“Cool beans! Endeavor wanted me to tell the media that he’s not the father. Got that?” He gave a questioning thumb up. “Do you want it on camera?” he asked Endeavor. 

“No, I-- this is ridiculous. You may leave,” he told the reporter. When he shifted uncomfortably, but made no move to leave, Endeavor growled. “I said you may leave.” 

He didn’t have to ask a third time. 

Returning his ire to Hawks, he cleared his throat. “I want indisputable proof. I want a paternity test.” 

Hawks pouted. “Aw man, way to ruin my fun.”

“If this in any way affects my ranking, I’ll ruin a lot more than your fun,” Enji threatened through gritted teeth. 

“Oh?” Hawks said. “Sounds kinky!” 

Enji’s flames roared to life around him. The insolence. Honestly! Hawks was a talented hero but he had no sense of respect. Did he know how to take anything seriously?

“Whoa, whoa, calm down, daddio!” Hawks laughed. “Hows about you take me to lunch and then I can pick up the baby and we can go to the doctors?”

“Is the lunch really necessary?”

“Well, no,” Hawks admitted. “But I thought it’d be a nice gesture on your part.” 

Enji sighed. His earlier outburst had been embarrassing and he was keen to get out of public view. “Fine,” he relented, opting to take the path of least resistance. 

After a lovely lunch (courtesy of Endeavor, of course) Hawks swung back by his apartment to relieve Rumi of babysitting duty. 

“Fun’s over!” he’d announced when he opened his door. “I gotta take him to get a paternity test.”

“Oh, boo,” Rumi replied. “I just got him down for a nap.” 

But Endeavor insisted they get the test done as soon as possible, so Hawks woke Hisora up from his nap. He deliberately took extra long getting his screaming baby into a coat and hat and sling. The one saving grace was that Endeavor ordered a car to drive them to the doctor’s, but it did mean they had to spend the entire car ride listening to a screaming baby.

“Can’t you make him stop?” Endeavor asked wearily. 

Hawks raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t you have, like, a bunch of kids?” 

“Yes, but I don’t appreciate the crying, so I didn’t deal with them much when they were babies.” He said this casually as if it were a normal thing to say.

Hawks was absolutely in love with his baby. Yes, he could have done without all the screaming, but Omelet was, ya know, a baby. He didn’t have any other way to communicate. Hawks wasn’t angry at him for crying, he just wished he knew how to fix it so his baby could stop being upset. He couldn’t imagine having kids and… not wanting to spend time with them. He honestly couldn't believe how much time he wanted to spend with Omelet. If he weren’t so resolute about being a hero, he would have signed up to be a stay-at-home dad in a heartbeat. 

You know? Maybe it was a good thing Endeavor wasn’t the baby daddy. First of all, he didn’t pay child support. Second of all, his boomer-esque attitude really threw off Hawks’ cool dad groove. Third of all, he didn’t seem to like kids that much despite having like seven or something (it was probably more like three, but that was literally so many kids for someone who doesn’t like kids to have!) so he probably wouldn’t be willing to get up in the middle of the night to take care of screaming baby. 

Hawks made a mental note to appreciate Dabi more. Maybe rub his back or something. Maybe rub something else, ya know, ya know? Just to let him know Hawks really did appreciate that he got twenty extra minutes of sleep when Dabi took care of feeding Hisora. What was a normal way to express that? They didn’t make hallmark cards for that, did they? Whatever, Hawks decided. He’d just stick with what he knew he was good at. 

In his arms, Hisora kept squalling. His face was all screwed up and red, tears and snot and drool making a whole mess. He was clearly just crying for the sake of making a fuss, to say “I’ve been woken up and I’m ANGRY about it.” Hawks related immensely. He sighed. He knew that a few minutes of playing ‘Stainy’ and Omelet would be back to his normally giggly self, but he somehow found it unwise to play ‘Stainy’ in public, especially not in front of Endeavor. Hawks couldn’t even use a pacifier because Omelet’s favorite pacifier just had to be the one given to him by none other than Shigaraki. Sure, he’d tolerate other pacifiers, but when he was really feeling the tantrum, it took the hand-pacy to get him to quiet down. 

Hawks blew a raspberry against Omelet’s curls, trying to get him to laugh. He got a feeble slap in the face for his efforts. To be fair, if someone tried to blow a raspberry in his hair, he probably would react much the same. 

“The answer is ‘no,’ I can’t make him stop,” Hawks told Endeavor blithely. 

They arrived at a hero’s clinic. Hero’s clinics were useful in that if you had an embarrassing problem as a highly public figure, you didn’t have to be in true ‘public.’ A lot of the richer heroes just hired doctors for house visits. When Hawks was younger, the Commission usually had a doctor come check him out frequently for injuries, or physicals, or whatever, but he’d still enjoyed going to the hero clinic and getting armfuls of the free condoms they just let heroes take. The Commission didn’t give out free condoms (they really should, though. Did they want proheroes getting/spreading STDs?).

“I am here to order a paternity test to prove I had nothing to do with this,” Endeavor announced loudly to the receptionist, gesturing at Hawks with (a finally calm) Hisora in his arms. 

“I-I see,” the receptionist said. He seemed surprised but was doing an admirable job maintaining professionalism. The dude dealt with heroes coming in for treatment they were too embarrassed to be public about, obviously he’d seen weirder. “Just fill out these forms, we’ll have a nurse come fetch you when you’re done.” He handed out two clipboards. 

Hawks awkwardly shifted Omelet into one arm to take the proffered forms. They were mostly just inapplicable questions about why they were here, symptoms, treatment history, etc. Hawks amused himself mostly by reading all the options. The quirk-related incident section was a HOOT. Did these actually happen?

• Aphrodisiacs (contact, gas, etc.)
• Body altering (please specify)
• Animal
• Body swap 
• Deformation
• Growth
• Other: _______
• Mind altering (please specify)
• Drunk
• High
• Confusion
• Amnesia 
• Other: ______
• Poorly-timed quirk activation resulting in injury

“Here, hold His for a second, I’ll turn the forms in.” He shoved Hisora into Endeavor’s arms, grabbing up both clipboards. “Support his head.” Without looking back, he sent a clump of feathers to hold his son’s head up. 

“Uh,” Endeavor gruntled awkwardly. “Hello, …Hisora?” When Hawks turned around, he nearly burst out laughing at both his son’s and Endeavor’s expressions. They were actually pretty similar, concerned with a hint of constipation. Wait, that was definitely Omelet’s ‘I’m pooping’ face. Oh no, was he going to have to change his diaper? He really hoped the expression meant something different for Endeavor because he was not going to change his diaper. 

“Did you make a stinky?” Hawks asked, picking his son back up. His diaper didn’t feel full and his face was back to normal now. Apparently he’d just inherited Dabi’s dislike of Endeavor. Hawks sighed. He should have guessed, with all the villain propaganda Dabi was feeding him. To Endeavor, Hawks said, “Did you make a stinky?”
“Excuse me, did I make a what?” Endeavor asked. 

Hawks was saved from answering when a nurse called them back to the lab.

Now, normally, paternity tests might take a few days to process. However, on account of it being a paternity test for the Number 1 and Number 2 heroes (and no shortage of glaring on the part of Endeavor), some strings were pulled and they were assured results in a matter of hours. Honestly, Hawks would have been happy to let the mystery simmer with the public for a few days, maybe come up with some stories, make it a whole thing of it! In reality, he knew Dabi was gonna have some Issues with a capital ‘I’ with the idea of Endeavor taking credit for his baby, so the ‘Endeavor is the baby daddy’ pitch was doomed from the get-go. He eyed the bag of tabloids and papers Endeavor had at his feet. Maybe he could get some souvenirs out of it though!
“So,” he started. “You gonna keep those?”

“Keep what?” Endeavor grunted.

“The magazines,” Hawks said. “You know? Commemorate your first big scandal as the Number 1?”

His brow furrowed. “I’m not sure I like what you’re implying by saying ‘first’ big scandal. You’re not planning anything, are you?”

Hawks scoffed. “Me? Plan? I’ve never done that in my life. I’m a ‘wing it’ sort of guy. Gotta go fast. Gotta go fast! Gotta go faster, faster, faster-faster-faster--”

“What are you saying?” Endeavor interjected.

Hawks ignored him. If Endeavor didn’t get his Sonic X reference, then it wasn’t Hawks’ fault he didn’t have taste. “If something slips out that ruins your reputation, it will be entirely unplanned on my part,” Hawks promised.

“That’s… not reassuring,” Endeavor muttered. 

Hawks considered this. “Hm, you’re right… Well, I don’t want to be Number 1 hero, that’s way too much work, so I promise not to cause a scandal that will hurt your ranking without hurting mine as well!” 

“...Right,” Endeavor said. “To answer your question, no, I was planning to incinerate these.” He kicked the bag of magazines. 

Hawks gasped. “Noooo, I’ll take them!”

“What are you going to do with them?” Endeavor narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

“Cherish them,” Hawks said intensely. “I’ll make a scrapbook. I dunno. Don’t burn them though, that’s bad for the environment. Would be a shame if the Number 1 hero was exposed for not caring about the environment. I bet All Might cares about the envir--” He was cut off by Endeavor shoving the bag into his lap. Victory!! “Careful, don’t wake the baby.” Hisora had behaved valiantly for the DNA extraction, and as soon as Hawks had scooped him back into the sling, he’d decided it was nap time part two: electric boogaloo. 

Hawks eagerly investigated his spoils. 

Number One Hero Gives ZERO

‘Burning Romance’: Winged Hero and Flame Hero’s Lovechild

Birdy Twink Homewrecker RUINS Number One Hero’s Marriage

Can’t Hide It Forever! Baby Exposes Love Affair Between Top Two Heroes 

There was nothing, nothing like a good tabloid headline to brighten his spirits. ‘Birdy Twink Homewrecker.’ If he ever did become a villain for realsies, that would be his villain name. Maybe… maybe even he could change his hero name to the ‘Birdy Twink’ bit. With Omelet asleep, he could fully immerse himself in the juicy details people came up with for his and Endeavor’s hypothetical sex life. 

“We have the results.” Hawks hadn’t noticed the doctor’s return to the waiting area, and startled when he spoke. 

“And?” Endeavor prompted.

The doctor made the strangest expression. Hawks wasn’t sure how to take that. “I think,” he began. “You should follow me to discuss the results.”

Hawks followed, curious. With a smirk, he wondered if maybe the doctor was up on the drama and thought it would come as a surprise to them that Endeavor wasn’t the father. Should he make a whole scene about it? No, the doctor had to abide by patient confidentiality, so it’s not like it would go anywhere… but it would still be fun. Hawks mentally began to practice his best innocently shocked face. 

The doctor led them to a small consultation room with a table and chairs that looked like they should be comfortable, but somehow were even worse than the plastic waiting chairs. Seriously, it was like someone blew the whole chair budget on appearances and had no money left to make them comfortable. Hawks’ ass did not deserve this kind of treatment. He briefly entertained the idea of plopping into Endeavor’s lap instead, but ultimately decided he didn’t want to put Omelet in that line of fire. 

“Gentlemen,” the doctor said after clearing his throat. He squared a stack of papers against the table. “I have here the results of the paternity test to determine if Endeavor is the father of Hisora.”

Endeavor nodded curtly. “Excellent. I am interested in the parts that conclusively prove that I am not the father. If there is a way to explain or present them that can be published to make it clear--”

The doctor held up a hand to cut him off. “Well that’s just it, sir…” he trailed off uncertainly. 

“What?” Endeavor said. “Is there something wrong with the results? We can redo the test, if that’s necessary.” 

The doctor shook his head. “No, no, the results are… conclusive.”

“What’s the issue then?” Endeavor raised his voice.

Hawks shushed him, covering Hisora’s ears. “Don’t wake him up,” he hissed. 

“Sorry,” Endeavor said, much quieter. He took a breath. “Please, what is the issue? As I said, I really just need the negative to--”

“It’s positive,” the doctor blurted out. 

“It’s what?” Endeavor roared, only slightly quieter than Hawks’ simultaneous shriek of, “WHAT?!”

“It’s a fluke!” Endeavor exclaimed. “There’s no way it’s-- is this a prank?! This is in very poor taste--”

“It can’t be positive!” Hawks protested. Hisora started squirming against his chest, letting out a few preliminary hiccupping cries. He absently pat his back to calm him back down, despite feeling anything but calm himself. “That’s-- that’s not possible!” 

“Explain. Now.” Endeavor demanded. 

The doctor nodded quickly. “Yes sir. ‘Positive’ is not an entirely accurate thing to say--”

“Then why say it?!” Endeavor asked. 

“Please sir, I’m trying to explain.” The poor doctor was looking distressed. 

Endeavor slumped back in his seat. “Right, I apologize. Go on then.”   

“The genetic matchup is not close enough that we would conclude that Endeavor is the father, so in that sense, sir, it is indeed a negative.”

Hawks breathed out a sigh of relief. All was right with the universe again. If he was going to have a baby with Endeavor he would’ve wanted to remember that. 

“However, and this is where the results get complicated, the results do show a significant genetic similarity. We can, with some certainty, conclude a direct familial relationship between Hisora and Endeavor. Specifically, this genetic similarity is consistent with what we'd expect from…” he paused, for suspense or to brace himself, Hawks couldn’t tell.

“From?!” Hawks’ voice was a squeak. Endeavor… was related to Hisora?! How? 

“Well,” the doctor said. “From a grandparent.” 

A grandparent. 

A grandparent? 

Endeavor… was Hisora’s grandfather? 

How? How?!  

Hawks turned to Endeavor in shock. “Are… are you my dad?”

“What? NO!” Endeavor shook his head frantically. “That can’t be it. That…” he trailed off, brow furrowed in deep concentration. 

Hawks likewise looked around in confusion. It was ridiculous to think Endeavor was his father. That didn’t make any sense at all, and also, Hawks definitely definitely definitely did not want to have to consider the Freudian-ness of what that would mean. For sure, he called Endeavor ‘daddy’ all the time, but like. He didn’t want him to be his father.

So. That meant… that meant Endeavor was Dabi’s father. 

Endeavor was Dabi’s father.

It felt like that one scene in Tangled where Rapunzel remembers she’s the lost princess and everything falls into place. Everything made sense. Endeavor was Dabi’s father! The flame quirk, the eyes, Dabi’s personal grudge, everything.

“Oh my god,” Hawks said. “Oh my god.” 

The doctor watched this go down in mild concern. “So I can, er, just… give you copies of the results--” 

“Destroy them,” Endeavor ordered. “Get rid of them. This never happened, I-- if you excuse me, I need to have a talk with my children.” He stood up jerkily and made a swift exit. 

The doctor turned to Hawks. “I need your consent as well, if you want these destroyed.” 

“No way in hell, give ‘em here,” Hawks reached out for the papers.

Dabi was Endeavor’s son. Huh. 

Unfortunately, Endeavor left in the car they came in. 

“Well, His,” Hawks said. “Shall we fly home?”

“Natsuo!” Enji called immediately upon his return. He was in luck that all three of his children were home, a rare occasion. 

“What the hell do you want?” Natsuo asked abrasively. Enji sighed. He knew, of course, that his son didn’t like him, but it was always slightly jarring to be addressed so harshly. Before he’d left for med school, Natsuo hadn’t been timid, per se, but he’d certainly found an attitude somewhere in those textbooks. 

“I…” Endeavor lowered his voice, aiming for something more open and casual. Something more Hawks-like. As flippant as the younger hero tended to be, Enji did admire, and envy, his personability. “I would like… to discuss something important with you.”

Natsuo narrowed his eyes suspiciously and crossed his arms. His curiosity seemed to win out, though. “Okay. Discuss, then.”

Enji blinked. He actually hadn’t thought about how he was going to bring this up. Perhaps direct was the best route. “Did you get Hawks pregnant?”

Natsuo’s eyes bugged and his jaw dropped. “What? No?” His brow furrowed. “I thought you did.”

“I did not. I just came from doing a paternity test to confirm that I wasn’t,” he announced. 

“Ah, I bet that was a relief.” Natsuo smirked. 

Endeavor didn’t like what Natsuo was implying. “No, it was expected.”

Natsuo nodded sagely. “So you finally learned to use protection.”

It took a considerable effort to keep his flames out, but Enji was proud to say he stayed under control. What would Hawks do if he was being sassed? He’d ignore it. That seemed like a good idea. “It confirmed that I wasn’t the father, but in fact, the grandfather to Hawks’ kid.”

“Oh shit,” Natsuo said. 

Fuyumi peeked from around the corner where she’d clearly been eavesdropping. “You’re the grandfather?”  

“Yes,” Enji confirmed. A thought occurred to him. “Are you the mother?”

“Me?” Fuyumi squeaked. “No! No! I’ve-- you’ve seen me! I’ve been here! When would I have had a baby? I have an alibi!” 

“Okay, okay,” Enji said. “Natsuo claims it wasn’t him.”

Fuyumi tilted her head. “But… that would mean Hawks carried the baby.”

Enji ran his hands over his face. “That would seem to be the case.”

Fuyumi turned to her brother. “I didn’t know you knew Hawks.”

“I don’t!” Natsuo protested. “I’ve never met the man, much less gotten him pregnant!”

“You’ve never met him?” Fuyumi repeated. “Father, should we have him over for dinner?” 

Enji nodded his assent. “I believe that would be appropriate, considering one of you has a baby with him.” He looked pointedly at Natsuo.

Natsuo threw up his hands. “How do you know it wasn’t Shouto?”

Enji blinked. “I didn’t think Shouto knows how to hold somebody’s hand, much less, ah…” 

“Well maybe lil’ bro has secret game, huh?” Natsuo challenged. “He’s got quite the following. Maybe he’s figured a lot of stuff out really quickly.”

Was it possible? Enji knew that Shouto was rebellious. He knew that he was, in fact, quite popular, despite inheriting his, well, awkwardness. Maybe he had bloomed, in quite a few ways, since leaving for UA. 

“I just thought Hawks was a bit… old for him,” Enji said. “I couldn’t imagine Hawks would be interested.” 

“I’ll put it this way,” Natsuo began. “It wasn’t me, it can’t be Fuyumi, so if it wasn’t Shouto… sounds like maybe the paternity test was positive after all.” 

“SHOUTO!” Enji called. It took a few moments, but Shouto sauntered in from the kitchen, slurping noodles obnoxiously. He didn’t respond, simply looking at him questioningly. Enji cleared his throat. “Did you uhh… are you the father of Hawks’ baby?” 

Shouto finished slurping a noodle. “Yes,” he answered in a monotone voice. His face was impassive. He was… joking? Right?

“HA! See?” Natsuo said. “It wasn’t me!” 

“Shouto!” Fuyumi gasped. “You… you’re not really, are you?” 

Shouto shrugged. 

“How? When? When did this happen?” Enji demanded. “How did this happen?” 

Shouto shrugged again.
Enji narrowed his eyes. “Do you even know how babies are made?” 

Natsuo scoffed, “Failed parental responsibility number 1034: you didn’t even give Shouto The Talk.” 

“Hey,” Fuyumi chided. “He’s still young!” 

“He’s sixteen! He’s not one of your students. There-- there are kids his age who are pregnant! That’s why sex-ed is important! So that people know how to use protection and about the risks of STDs and how to stay safe with their quirks!” Natsuo fumed.  He turned to Enji. “Since you failed so grossly, I guess the responsibility falls to me.” 

Shouto had begun to back away slowly as to not draw attention to himself. 

“Shouto!” Natsuo called. “Come back here, we’re gonna have a little chat about ‘the birds and bees.’”

Shouto fled. 

“Oh no, you don’t,” Natsuo growled. “Fuyumi, find me a banana, we’re giving Shouto The Talk.” With that, he took off in pursuit. 

Fuyumi shot Enji an apologetic look. “I… I think Natsuo is right. It’s probably better Shouto learns from us instead of people at school.” 

Enji was pretty sure it was too late for that, but nodded his assent. Fuyumi hurried after her brothers.

He was nearly certain that Shouto was not the father. There were just too many details that didn’t add up. He was likewise fairly certain that Fuyumi was neither the father nor the mother. While she was the only one of his children who had definitely met Hawks, she’d also seemed put-off by him. It seemed unlikely. Which left his initial assumption: it was Natsuo. It had to be. 

He was reluctant to admit it, but perhaps Natsuo was correct; he had failed his children by not supporting their growth into adults and teaching them about relationships. He was well aware that he had skimped on many fatherly duties between his desire to create the best hero for the world and focusing on his own hero work (and, if he were being honest with himself, because he hadn’t wanted to). Now Natsuo had freedom. He had a life completely separate from Enji. While he hadn’t had much of a hand in his son’s childhood, he still hoped that he’d have a place in his life when he was grown. Now Natsuo had a child of his own, apparently, and Enji had been none the wiser. In fact, Natsuo continued to hide it from him. Was it that he was afraid he would react badly? Was he worried Enji would create the same strained family environment for his grandson that he had for his children? Enji took a breath, finding his resolve. Perhaps it was too late to undo the damage his negligence had caused, but he would do his damndest to make sure Natsuo knew that Hisora was welcome, that his relationship with Hawks wasn’t something he needed to hide. 

Down the hall, he could hear Natsuo laughing and Shouto protesting. It was nice; family-like. 

“Come on, lil’ bro, don’t you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?” Natsuo pestered. 

“No, I don’t,” Shouto was insisting. 

“What about a crush?” Fuyumi asked. “Don’t you have a crush on anybody?”

“No, I just have friends,” Shouto answered. “And a rival, I suppose. According to him.”

“A rival!” Natsuo repeated. “Do you hear that, Fuyumi?” 

“Oh yes,” she agreed. “I can practically hear wedding bells.”

Enji listened in pensively. He didn’t think he’d ever heard his children interact so casually all together. He’d leave them alone for now; his talk with Natsuo could wait. 

Later in the evening, Enji knocked against the doorframe of Natsuo’s bedroom. It seemed like the polite, non-threatening thing to do. He was trying to not scare him off. 

The floor was scattered with condoms blown up like balloons, one of which was tied with a banana sitting inside of it. ‘The Talk,’ it appeared, had digressed. 

Natsuo looked up and immediately narrowed his eyes when he saw it was Enji. “Look, I don’t know if you just haven’t gotten the hint, so I’ll just tell you point blank: leave me alone.” 

“I will,” Enji started. “I--”

“Okay, bye,” Natsuo interrupted. 

Enji held up a hand. “But first, I wanted to say that I think you and I both know it wasn’t Shouto.” Natsuo scoffed. “Duh, he didn’t even know what lube was. He’s not seducing any pro heroes.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Enji asked. 

“That Shouto didn’t know what lube was?!” 

“What? No! No.” Enji shook his head. “What I mean is… whatever stopped you from telling me you had a child, you don’t need to worry about it. You have my support. I know med school is a lot of work, so if you ever need to take care of the baby, I will do what I can to help. Or, if you need to pay child support, I can help with that.” 

Natsuo’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “The kid isn’t mine. And even if it was, you’ve never supported me in anything and I’d really rather you didn’t start now. If I ever do have kids, you can bet your ass you’re not going to be part of their lives. I don’t know what you think you’re pulling, but I’m not going to let you frame me because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.” 

Hm. Enji could see this was going to be harder than he thought. Natsuo was not going to be receptive to his help directly. He wouldn’t give up on this, but he could see it was going to take time. 

“Right, right,” he agreed placatingly. “Well, if you change your mind…” he trailed off. 

Natsuo made a show of checking his non-existent watch. “Oh, would look at the time! It’s fuck off o’ clock!” 

Enji took that as a sign his son probably wanted to be left alone. 

     Endeavor Thirst Official 💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 19

     So like @endeavortwitter where is the paternity test? 👀

     Endeavor Thirst Official 💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 19

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     y’ALL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

     Endeavor Thirst Official 💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 19

     🅱lease take me back Endeavor-sama i promise i’ll behave 🥺

     BARABOOBIES ( .      Y      . ) @enjistits · Mar 19

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     All Might All Night @any_body_else · Mar 19

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     Well…shall we take that as confirmation? I mean it’s hella sus he would block you for ASKING

     Thirst Tweets ONLY @thirstyheropics · Mar 19

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     I think he’s just blocking thirst accounts 

     Endeavor Thirst Official 💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 19

     Replying to @thirstyheropics

     OH TRUE!!! I’ll try on my non-thirst account!!

     Endeavor Thirst Official 💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 19

     Replying to @thirstyheropics

     NOPE!! Now I’m blocked on both accounts 😭😭 My dreams of sucking nourishing life from the Flame Daddy’s bara teats are RUINED

     D-D-D-Dora @caillou_bald · Mar 19

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     WTF does that even MEAN??? Shit like this is why you’re getting blocked

     Thirst Tweets ONLY @thirstyheropics · Mar 19

     Replying to @caillou_bald

     This is Thirst Twitter, hun, what do you expect?

     yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

YOU are Hawks’ baby daddy! 

Source: yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

#hawksbabydaddy #you

696 notes

     yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

ENDEAVOR is Hawks’ baby daddy! 

     gaybabygaol

OP how does it feel to be a psychic 

Source: yourfaveishawksbabydaddy

#OP has galaxy brain #they’ve been knew

3,292 notes

     Syyylvester @rattapuddytat · Mar 22

     Everyone else can believe whatever they want, but I am still convinced #Hawksbabydaddy is Best Jeanist. 

     Endeavor Thirst Official💦@flamedaddyeyy · Mar 22

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     I dunno, with the paternity test and then silence, I think that’s pretty damning evidence that it’s Endeavor

     Miaheeee @erasemedaddy · Mar 22

     Replying to @flamedaddyeyy

     Booooo it’s Eraserhead. Hawks said directly that it wasn’t Endeavor the other day, remember?

     (✿◉‿◉)🗡@stabbystababe · Mar 22

     Replying to @rattapuddytat

     Is everyone just forgetting that Shigaraki was seen with Hawks’ baby??

     Sneans (snail jeans) @jultjultjult · Mar 22

     I think we’re all pretty sure that was faked

Hawks shook the snow from his feathers. Hisora was wailing again, despite being bundled up like a small mummy. He was not a fan of the cold and he was not fond of flying. 

“I know, I know,” Hawks sympathized. “I’m sorry, we’ll get you warmed up--”

“Someone needs warming up?” a familiar voice drawled affectionately. 

“Dabi!” Hawks exclaimed. “You’re home!” 

Dabi shrugged, helping to pull Omelet out of the sling. “I got tired of the League’s BS. I wanted to see my baby.”

Apparently the feeling was mutual, because as soon as Dabi pulled Omelet into his arms, the baby stopped screaming and was instead nestling happily into his other father’s warm chest. Hawks would envy the obvious favoritism, except that his heart melted at the sight of Dabi’s delighted smile when Omelet’s tiny hand clutched onto his shirtfront. 

“Hey there, Omelet, didja miss me?” Dabi asked. 

Hawks cleared his throat. “It’s nice to see you too, babe.” 

Dabi rolled his eyes, but obligingly stepped forward and placed a kiss on Hawks’ puckered lips. He made a face. “You’re freezing. Go take a shower or something.” 

“What’s the point of having a hot boyfriend if you’re not even going to warm me up?” Hawks pouted. 

Dabi fixed him with an unamused stare. “If you think flattery will make me let you stick your clammyass bird hands up my shirt, you are wrong.”  

“But warm,” Hawks whined. “The world is cold… your tits are warm…”

“I didn’t ask to be objectified in this way,” Dabi deadpanned. “Stop being pathetic and go take a shower. I’m making food.” 

Hawks perked up at that. “Did I mention that I missed you?”

“Go shower,” Dabi snorted. “I’ll feed Omelet.” 

“Wow, my hero,” Hawks cooed. “Or maybe… my villain?”

“Shower.”

“Fine, fine,” Hawks relented, making his way to the bedroom. He chucked the bag of tabloids under his side of the bed where he was pretty sure Dabi wasn’t likely to look. He glanced at the door. Dabi was somewhere in the kitchen talking in a silly voice to Omelet. Confident that Dabi was not about to enter the bedroom, Hawks slid the test results out of the bag from under the magazines. He stared at them. They hadn’t changed in his flight home. The papers still noted that Todoroki Enji was most likely a grandparent of Takami Hisora. It still confirmed that Dabi was Endeavor’s son. How was he going to bring this up? How does one broach the topic of secret identities ruined by paternity tests by estranged fathers? Maybe he would start with his own! Maybe if he shared his life story, Dabi would feel compelled to share his! Except Hawks really didn’t feel like sharing his life story. Hm. This was going to be difficult. 

For now he would avoid the issue. He stashed the papers somewhere he knew Dabi would never look: in a sushi magazine. Hawks had learned the hard way that Dabi hated fish, hated the taste, the smell, and even felt unnerved by the sight of fish (“It’s their eyes. They look like they know things,” Dabi had explained). He mentioned this when a magazine with a giant tuna on the cover showed up in their mail. Struck with inspiration, Hawks kept the magazine, knowing at some point he’d probably want to stash something where Dabi wouldn’t find it. All he had to do was put a fish in charge of guarding it, and Dabi steered clear. He flipped to a page with a particularly creepy looking fish on it (while Hawks didn’t share Dabi’s dislike for fish, he could kind of understand what he meant by the eyes. It stared into his soul) and shoved the test papers inside. He buried it back inside a drawer and well away from the tabloids (which were one snoop away from becoming tinder). 

Confronting Dabi about his secret identity as one of Endeavor’s children could wait until after Hawks’ hands were no longer numb. Plus, this gave him time to plan! 

“You’re Endeavor’s son,” Hawks blurted out. It was a few days after the test and his knowledge was weighing on him. Now, let it not be said that Hawks can’t keep secrets. He was privy to enough information to probably take down most of the hero world, and he’d never tell a soul. He would never tell anybody about the time he and Rumi played fuck-marry-kill and Rumi said that she would choose to marry Wash out of Gang Orca, Wash, and Best Jeanist. Like, he could agree with killing Best Jeanist, but Gang Orca was clearly the husband material. He’d never tell anybody how many proheroes thought Shigaraki Tomura, leader of the League of Villains was, quote, “kind of cute, in a crusty way.” (Hawks didn’t really understand that one. Maybe it was the hands?) He’d never tell the world about the time he saw Ryukyu bite into a lemon. Whole. Like the peel was on and everything. And she ate it like an apple. So yes, Hawks absolutely could keep a secret, and did frequently. That’s why his hair was so big, it was full of secrets. 

But here he was, laying in bed next to his boyfriend, and spilling the beans like he was trying to win a bean-spilling contest. 

“No I’m not,” Dabi answered immediately. “What’s wrong with you?”

Hawks sighed and rolled over. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Nothing’s wrong with me because I’m right. You have the same colored eyes as him,” Hawks pointed out.

“Have you been reading too many conspiracy magazines?” Dabi scoffed. “You have the same colored eyes as Toga. Does that make you related?” He paused for a second to ponder. “Actually, you look a whole lot like Toga. Are you related?!”

“Who knows,” Hawks said. “Okay, well, if Endeavor’s not your dad, then who is?”

“A rat bastard,” Dabi answered. 

“Oh no, same! Dabi, are we siblings?!” Hawks gasped sarcastically. 

Dabi heaved a sigh. “Why do you insist on saying things?” 

Hawks 'hmf’ed and they fell into silence. He was pretty sure Dabi was falling asleep, but he spoke up again. “But you have a fire quirk.”

Dabi groaned. “If Omelet wakes up, you’re gonna be on baby duty. Literally so many people have fire quirks. That means nothing.”

“But the fire quirk and the eyes, your specific hatred for Endeavor, your pink hair which you dye--”

“Pink?” Dabi repeated incredulously. 

“Yeah, pink?” Hawks said. He pointed to where Omelet was sleeping in the crib next to the bed. “Pink?”

“My hair,” Dabi hissed, “is naturally red. Not pink.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, your hair is red? And the eyes, and the fire, and your vendetta, Dabi. I don’t know what you’re scared of. You can tell me the truth?”

“Like hell I can,” Dabi said. “Look, Birdy, it’s late. Omelet’s gonna wake up needing to be fed or changed or rocked or to hear some of Stain’s philosophies soon, so just… can your stupid conspiracies wait until morning?” 

No, it couldn’t wait until morning, because for all that Hawks was the one with wings, Dabi was flighty as hell and if this conversation didn’t happen now, it was never going to happen. Hawks reached out a hand to catch Dabi’s. 

“Dabi,” he said, trying to convey how serious he was. “I know.”

Something in Dabi’s expression changed from annoyed to guarded. “And just how would you know?” he asked. 

Hawks rolled out of bed fishing (ha, fishing) through his drawer for the fish magazine. He pulled out the test results and flipped on the lamp. 

He took a breath. “So… Rumi and I thought it would be funny if we accused Endeavor of being the baby daddy-- and before you yell at me, know that it was absolutely hilarious and if you let me continue the ploy, I seriously think I can get the public into pressuring him for child support, but we can talk about that later. Anyway, Endeavor corners me while I’m on patrol and point-blank demands a paternity test.”

Dabi’s eyes widened. Ah, so he could see where this was going. 

Hawks continued. “And I couldn’t exactly say no, since there were reporters everywhere and plus he agreed to buy me lunch, and you know I’m weak for food.” Dabi didn’t even make a snide comment about that. Wow, this was a serious chat. “So we took the paternity test, and… it was positive. Sorta. They said the test showed conclusively that Endeavor was His’ grandfather. And since Endeavor is not my father, that left…you.” 

Hawks searched Dabi’s face for a response. His burning eyes were fixed on a point behind Hawks and his jaw worked anxiously. He was silent for a long moment. Finally, like a statue coming to life, Dabi closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. The full intensity of his gaze bore into Hawks when he opened his eyes. He opened his mouth and--

Hisora began whining. 

“You’re on duty,” Dabi said.

Hawks felt his wings droop. This conversation wasn’t happening then. Duty called. 

Hisora wasn’t crying at least, just making some noises. His diaper was dry and he seemed calm. It had been quite a while since he last ate, so Hawks decided to fix him some formula. 

“Your second dinner is served, Mr. Omelet,” he said in an exaggerated voice. Omelet took the bottle but mostly chewed on the nipple. Maybe he wasn’t hungry after all. “You know, I can’t wait until you can talk. And understand words. That’s gonna be so fun.” He blew a zerbert against Hisora’s chubby baby cheek. 

When he returned to the bedroom, baby, formula, and all, Dabi was sitting on the bed, looking through the test results.
“I’m gonna square with you,” he said. Hawks felt his pulse jump in anticipation. Apparently the conversation wasn’t over. “I have no clue what any of this shii-- I mean ‘crap,’ sorry, Omelet-- means.”

“So I could have printed out any sciencey looking papers and told you it was a sort-of-positive paternity test and you would have believed me?” Hawks asked. 

Dabi narrowed his eyes. “I mean, yeah, probably. You know, maybe villainy was your calling.”

“Reconsidering your stance on my joining the league?” Hawks teased. 

“No.”

“Aw.”

Dabi ran his hands over his face and eyed the clock. “Bring Omelet over here; he should hear this too.” When he looked up, he looked… vulnerable, heartbreakingly so. “I’ve got one long-ass sob story.”