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β€˜how do you expect people who have been abused by someone with NPD to refer to their abuse then?’

by calling it what it is: emotional abuse.

it’s not difficult.

slapping the word β€˜narcissistic’ on the front of abuse is blindly assigning blame and associating the abusive behaviours with NPD, despite the fact that nowhere in the criteria does it state any abusive behaviours as a symptom.

i understand that people who are severely mentally unwell are more prone to abusing others, however to point the blame at a disorder (and therefore at everyone with the disorder) is ableist, irresponsible and grossly misinformed.

to put it into perspective as to how bad the stigma surrounding NPD is, i have been diagnosed with NPD and have been told i should be killed because of it, that i will inevitably abuse my partners i have had, i’ve had partners in the past be harassed by people saying that it’s β€˜just a matter of time’ before i abuse them without any of these people ever even knowing me. i see endless amounts of things online calling all narcissists evil, as well as having my own experiences with abuse disregarded because they do not believe someone with NPD could be anything other than a perpetrator, despite the fact NPD is induced by trauma. the list goes on.

your choice of wording does matter and it does damage people with NPD.

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and now for the people in the back:

NARCISSISTIC ABUSE DOESN'T EXIST!

WHAT YOU MEAN TO SAY IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

STOP DEMONIZING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF PEOPLE (thats a TON of ppl btw) WHO HAVE NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN IN DEVELOPING A DISORDER CAUSED BY ABUSE AND TRAUMA IN AND OF ITSELF!

YOU ARE ONLY DOWNPLAYING AND DISBELIEVING EMOTIONAL ABUSE WHEN ITS JUST AS TRAUMATIZING AS ANYTHING ELSE!

if you use 'narcissistic abuse' as a legitimate category then you also have to acknowledge 'autistic abuse'! you cant use one but then discard everything else because suddenly "that doesnt exist"!

you want to be the good guys? then maybe stop demonizing people who also just have a disorder. im not excusing harmful behaviour or trauma, we all make mistakes, even egotypicals. what i want is for you to stop grouping in every bad experience or interaction with us!

try to understand and help, not demonize. mocking, triggering and putting down narcissists for their symptoms or disorder will never move anyone to get help!

Happy Narcissistic Day and happy Pride Month especially to all the narcissistic queers like me out there!!! Narcissists are cool and sexy and deserve all the love!!! I love you all my fellow narcissists!!!!! πŸ’–πŸ’œπŸ’–πŸ’œπŸ’–

Honestly, I think apologizing is just a form of manipulation. It bothers you that the other person doesn't have a good attitude towards you, so you explain the situation, make any excuse, try to make them understand your perspective, and in the end you manage to soften them and change their attitude.

I don't think I've ever honestly apologized. When someone is upset with me, all I want is for them to stop being upset, because their attitude is inconvenient, and the only thing on my mind is "how can I talk my way out of this situation?".

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Narc Supply

a list of things that could be a narc supply! things pw npd find give them a narc high.

explaining a narc supply - masterpost - compliment generator

Personalized Praise

compliments that are personal to the person theyre directed towards

compliments that include facts or interests

compliments that are more than just the generic "i like (your appearance)"

praises about a persons skillset, created content, something they put even the slightest effort into

praises for help of any kind

complimenting something theyre good at and/or passionate about

praises for being knowledgeable about a topic

these can be very different depending on the person, some like the usual "good job im proud of you" and some prefer very high title praises like "youre a god/royal!"

Attachment / Emotional Feedback

some gain a high when they get certain reactions out of people

hate asks, love confessions

when someone has some sort of feelings towards them it helps them feel wanted and/or at the center of someones focus/attention

some prefer positive over negative feedback, some see negative feedback like hate mail as a sign they've reached popularity of some sort, some are neutral.

some narcs find people gaining an attachment to them as a supply

Break The Record

some narcs see reaching a goal as a supply

this can be reaching a new high score on a came

beating their own records

or beating other people's scores

getting ahead in a competition, even if it wasnt a competition to begin with, beating that goal they set can give them a high

Comforted

some might look for comfort media

listening to music or watching something they find comfort in

art or fanart they find comforting

comfort characters

all can help recover from a crash in a soothing way.

Perceive Me

people telling them how theyre perceived as an individual

especially if its in detail and can contain praise

knowing how one is perceived either by strangers or those theyre close with, can be someones supply

a narc supply can be anything, ranging from anonymous hate to being told someone's proud of you, to being given a little affection and even something akin to being worshiped or feared and it can be more than one of these at a time.

feel free to share any resources, tips or anything that works for you that i have not yet listed!