bee ❦

Touya used to avoid mirrors. 

Naturally, his gaze would avert if he ever noticed one nearby. It was a habit. A quick, subconscious movement he’d make that felt as natural as breathing. 

He used to wince at his appearance every time he had the unfortunate coincidence of catching sight of it. Whether it was in murky puddles on the side of the street, or within the glass bottles back in the League’s bar late at night—the subtle frown tugging his lips downwards whenever he saw his face would always appear. He found himself to be revolting, disgustingly so.

Found; past tense. He’s still not quite sure what to think of himself now.

Right now, he stares at his reflection quietly in thought. His scars have faded, sure. But they wouldn’t ever leave. He supposes the pain inflicted from them is the same. While it may subside, it can’t just disappear. And he certainly won’t forget it. It would always be lingering, a reminder pressed into his skin and hot as molten metal.

Touya’s hands move to gently trace his scars. They’re not so bad, he supposes. They had been far worse at so many other points in his life. The scarred skin is easy to recognize just by a touch, and while he should be thankful he can feel anything at all—he almost wishes he couldn’t. The scars become so much more prominent when he touches them, because there's no way he can ignore the textured flesh then. His skin is sensitive, tender in a way it shouldn’t be. But after months of surgery after surgery, the final product is better than he could've ever dreamt of after the war.

It’s surreal. All of it was.

His milky skin being revived made him look younger, and a lot more like his mother. Doctors are miracle workers, truly. Touya’s not sure who the person staring back at him in the bathroom mirror was, but he wanted to learn more about him. You’d mentioned something about self love (or maybe it was self respect, Touya can’t remember which). He knows he’s not a mistake, you helped him see that—but he still struggled. Internally, there were some wounds too deep to be healed—damage irreversible in a way that scarred ugly.

Baby steps. He’d taken the big ones with you in terms of healing, but he needed to make some changes on his own, too. Not just for himself, but for his family, and you.

So, he’ll start with familiarizing himself with his face. Treating his body with more care and gentleness, just like you did. Touya pushes the pale strands hanging on his forehead backwards, giving him the most optimal view of his face. 

He swallows the lump building in his throat, and the pressure behind his eyes was beginning to build up until he heard Akari’s knock on the door. Blinking away the haziness, Touya stands—giving himself a once over. He was wearing all black—just a simple sweatshirt and pants, and the clothing was casual and comfortable enough for him to relax in. He grabs the duffel bag laying on his bed, heart hammering as he grips the handle tightly.

He had your letters tucked into the bottom of his bag, but he’ll get rid of them later. He doesn’t want you reading them—even though they were all addressed to you, they were all written when he was at his lowest. If anything, they were nothing but physical proof of how much he’d grown.

So no, you wouldn’t get to read the letters. But Touya intended to make up for his time apart from you—and he’ll reiterate every word with his own approach in person. Akari had done Touya the liberty of mailing his cactus to the Todoroki household, so there were no partings due there.

He stands in front of his doorway, turning to look at his room one last time. The blinds are pulled back and welcome in the rising sun—it felt like the furniture and walls were glowing, thanks to the sun rays. And all though furniture and walls were stationary and unfeeling—he imagined it was their way of saying goodbye to him.

Touya had made a lot of memories in this room with you. The only thing that encouraged him to finally leave was the prospect of making more of them with you.

Akari smiles warmly at Touya when he opens the door, greeting and ushering him towards the elevator. He gives his room one last glance over his shoulder, a soft sigh slipping past his lips before he clicks the door behind him close for the last time.

“I hope you understand that only family is allowed to come pick you up, dear.” She comments, pressing the down button as Touya hums in reply. He wanted to meet his family first, anyway. He still needs to calm himself down a bit more before he sees you—and he can do that on the two hour drive back home. If Touya sees you now, he’s genuinely afraid his heart will go into cardiac arrest or something.

“Thank you, Akari.” Touya finally says, giving the older woman a small nod of acknowledgement as the elevator begins to move.

“You and one other person showed me kindness, and I’m grateful. Really. I didn’t deserve shi-anything, I mean. You helped my mother too, so thank you.”

Akari offers Touya a wrinkly smile in response, and his gaze softens fondly at the sight.

There’s a soft ding! sounding through the elevator. The doors open slowly, and it’s like all the air is punched out of his lungs when Touya finally sees his family standing in the waiting area. It was near comical the way everyone's eyes widened at the same time when Touya came into view—all before they came racing his way.

Shoto was surprisingly the first to reach Touya, quickly wrapping his arms around him before he felt Natsuo’s arms doing the same. Then Fuyumi’s, then his mothers—the tears well in Touya’s eyes embarrassingly quick, but he’s not ashamed in the slightest bit.

Relief. It’s all he can feel—every fiber of his being is alight with pure content at the way he’s pulled into their warm embrace. 

When Touya was sixteen, he had a dream remarkably similar to the reunion playing out in front of him. A certain half red, half white head wasn’t in the picture back then. But right now, Touya can’t stop his head from dipping forward, and he allows it to fall onto Shoto’s shoulder with a shuddering breath before he finally smiles.

Sitting on Touya’s old bed, your fingers card through the bouquet of Carnations laying in front of you diligently. There’s about two dozen of them, and they were all hand picked by yours truly.

The Todoroki household was empty, you were the only one home. They’d gotten the highly anticipated call this morning. Touya had passed his physical and mental evaluation test, giving him the green light to finally come home after eighteen months in rehabilitation.

You pad across the house, pacing in circles and trying to keep yourself occupied. The weather outside was finally warming up. Spring was the perfect time for Touya to come home, you decide. The world outside is blossoming and anew—just like the life Touya was about to begin.

Only family members were allowed in the hospital to pick Touya up. It’s the only reason you’re waiting here at the Todoroki household alone for him. Natsuo had tried to bring you along, but the rules were quite strict. You keep the bouquet flush against your chest, breathing in the fresh flora’s scent—but, it does nothing to tame your excitement.

Touya would be walking through the front door any moment now. You tap your pointer finger against the stems of his flowers, gaze flitting towards the open window you lean against as you keep a close eye out for any approaching vehicles. Impatient as ever, you open the front door and decide to sit yourself outside. The wind muses your hair, and the windchimes hanging outside the entrance sing a magical tune, almost like they can sense your hope hanging in the air.

You see it—Natsuo’s car is about a dozen meters away. Your breath hitches and you rise on shaky legs immediately, clutching Touya’s bouquet for support. The car is still in motion as it prepares to slow to a stop, but Touya swings his door open regardless and jumps out. He grins sharply, teeth and all—and he looks just as beautiful as the day you’d left him.

Touya’s strides are long and confident—proud as his feet hit the pavement. You leave the bouquet on the stairs, stumbling forward to meet his embrace as his body collides with yours. You’re swept off your feet in an instant, and he spins you around so fast that you can’t see anything besides the blur of ivory tufts in front of you and his heart stopping smile.

He repeats your name over and over again—pressing a chaste kiss onto the crown of your head. The tears welling in your eyes don’t sting, they feel more sweet than salty as they dampen your cheeks. Touya’s palm easily maneuvers to the nape of your neck, and his thumb runs over the crystal trail your crying leaves as he tilts your head upwards and towards him.

“You kept your promise.” 

The words are barely louder than a whisper as they fall from his lips, but Touya doesn’t think anyone will ever understand how grateful he is that you gave a broken man like him a chance to feel like this. He breathes you in—your familiar scent filling his senses, and he’s about a second away from bursting into tears because you smell like home.

“Touya,” You choke out, irises shaking as you press a tender kiss onto his lips, one which he reciprocates immediately with the desperation of a man starved of the one thing that gives him life. He pulls away after another moment, his hands quickly moving to your face. Your laughter sounds through the air as he cradles your cheeks in his strong palms, and he presses kisses filled with nothing but his utmost love and devotion onto your skin. No spot on your face was left untouched by his lips—you’re a squirming, giggling mess underneath him—and Touya can already picture waking up every morning for the rest of his life to the sight of your smile.

When Touya was a kid, he thought marriage was gross, and that having kids was a total waste of time, seeing how his childhood turned out. But when you hand him his bouquet of Carnations, when you take his hand and lead him inside the house, when you call out his name with the gentleness akin to an angel—he wants it all. 

He wants to marry you, make you completely his and be completely yours. He wants you to carry his children—no doubt they’ll have your charm and diamond smile—he just wants to be with you forever. To grow old with you and live the rest of his life away from the rest of the world. Away from the cruelty, the violence—it was all he wanted. To finally let his heart rest with you, he can trust you won’t break it like life often seemed to. 

The world tore him open rib by rib, and in the state where his heart was most vulnerable and exposed—you were the one to steal it away.

Touya wouldn’t have it any other way.

CARNATIONS MASTERLIST.

carnations notice :)

tags!

@kawaiidemoneart @porusuniverse @starrmage @lilbeatlebear @bokukenmakuroo

@summercreolefanfictioner @dija200 @phtmmsqrde @sunaraii

@c-lunette @gh0stgirl333 @skullkittens @gurl-pls-evn-the-sharks-fear-me

@hawkwithsocks @suresnips @sugurusmoon @matchablossomsss @moonlitmorganite

@redr0sewrites @muimuiwisteria @sukunaspillow @starsryi

@eidolonwriter @dabislittlemouse @rueclfer @kelin-is-writing

@shugs1801 @imaginationmess

@lasa27 @sophiathefrog @etaerealboy @kooromin @sourbbyxo

@hvnares @ephmeraloblivion @lost-seraphiim @quokka-ina @jesuschrist2006

@stoned-anime-babe @qatiee @shadowsingers-redhood @alycat171

@21-princess

@xileonaaaa @rylerboi @blurryperrtymoonlight @mrcleans4headwrinkle @accidentpronedork

@kyiyoko @sachikomwahxx @cxosmicxo @sweetlike-sugarplum @sap24

@saphiranishimurashan @darling-eos @missmadness123 @wasntpriscilla

@tsumuomiiz @ghostindeath @aryuunachigiri @aisakayua @myuuzx

@somos-things @altgojo @eithec @callmehkhloe

Touya used to avoid mirrors. 

Naturally, his gaze would avert if he ever noticed one nearby. It was a habit. A quick, subconscious movement he’d make that felt as natural as breathing. 

He used to wince at his appearance every time he had the unfortunate coincidence of catching sight of it. Whether it was in murky puddles on the side of the street, or within the glass bottles back in the League’s bar late at night—the subtle frown tugging his lips downwards whenever he saw his face would always appear. He found himself to be revolting, disgustingly so.

Found; past tense. He’s still not quite sure what to think of himself now.

Right now, he stares at his reflection quietly in thought. His scars have faded, sure. But they wouldn’t ever leave. He supposes the pain inflicted from them is the same. While it may subside, it can’t just disappear. And he certainly won’t forget it. It would always be lingering, a reminder pressed into his skin and hot as molten metal.

Touya’s hands move to gently trace his scars. They’re not so bad, he supposes. They had been far worse at so many other points in his life. The scarred skin is easy to recognize just by a touch, and while he should be thankful he can feel anything at all—he almost wishes he couldn’t. The scars become so much more prominent when he touches them, because there's no way he can ignore the textured flesh then. His skin is sensitive, tender in a way it shouldn’t be. But after months of surgery after surgery, the final product is better than he could've ever dreamt of after the war.

It’s surreal. All of it was.

His milky skin being revived made him look younger, and a lot more like his mother. Doctors are miracle workers, truly. Touya’s not sure who the person staring back at him in the bathroom mirror was, but he wanted to learn more about him. You’d mentioned something about self love (or maybe it was self respect, Touya can’t remember which). He knows he’s not a mistake, you helped him see that—but he still struggled. Internally, there were some wounds too deep to be healed—damage irreversible in a way that scarred ugly.

Baby steps. He’d taken the big ones with you in terms of healing, but he needed to make some changes on his own, too. Not just for himself, but for his family, and you.

So, he’ll start with familiarizing himself with his face. Treating his body with more care and gentleness, just like you did. Touya pushes the pale strands hanging on his forehead backwards, giving him the most optimal view of his face. 

He swallows the lump building in his throat, and the pressure behind his eyes was beginning to build up until he heard Akari’s knock on the door. Blinking away the haziness, Touya stands—giving himself a once over. He was wearing all black—just a simple sweatshirt and pants, and the clothing was casual and comfortable enough for him to relax in. He grabs the duffel bag laying on his bed, heart hammering as he grips the handle tightly.

He had your letters tucked into the bottom of his bag, but he’ll get rid of them later. He doesn’t want you reading them—even though they were all addressed to you, they were all written when he was at his lowest. If anything, they were nothing but physical proof of how much he’d grown.

So no, you wouldn’t get to read the letters. But Touya intended to make up for his time apart from you—and he’ll reiterate every word with his own approach in person. Akari had done Touya the liberty of mailing his cactus to the Todoroki household, so there were no partings due there.

He stands in front of his doorway, turning to look at his room one last time. The blinds are pulled back and welcome in the rising sun—it felt like the furniture and walls were glowing, thanks to the sun rays. And all though furniture and walls were stationary and unfeeling—he imagined it was their way of saying goodbye to him.

Touya had made a lot of memories in this room with you. The only thing that encouraged him to finally leave was the prospect of making more of them with you.

Akari smiles warmly at Touya when he opens the door, greeting and ushering him towards the elevator. He gives his room one last glance over his shoulder, a soft sigh slipping past his lips before he clicks the door behind him close for the last time.

“I hope you understand that only family is allowed to come pick you up, dear.” She comments, pressing the down button as Touya hums in reply. He wanted to meet his family first, anyway. He still needs to calm himself down a bit more before he sees you—and he can do that on the two hour drive back home. If Touya sees you now, he’s genuinely afraid his heart will go into cardiac arrest or something.

“Thank you, Akari.” Touya finally says, giving the older woman a small nod of acknowledgement as the elevator begins to move.

“You and one other person showed me kindness, and I’m grateful. Really. I didn’t deserve shi-anything, I mean. You helped my mother too, so thank you.”

Akari offers Touya a wrinkly smile in response, and his gaze softens fondly at the sight.

There’s a soft ding! sounding through the elevator. The doors open slowly, and it’s like all the air is punched out of his lungs when Touya finally sees his family standing in the waiting area. It was near comical the way everyone's eyes widened at the same time when Touya came into view—all before they came racing his way.

Shoto was surprisingly the first to reach Touya, quickly wrapping his arms around him before he felt Natsuo’s arms doing the same. Then Fuyumi’s, then his mothers—the tears well in Touya’s eyes embarrassingly quick, but he’s not ashamed in the slightest bit.

Relief. It’s all he can feel—every fiber of his being is alight with pure content at the way he’s pulled into their warm embrace. 

When Touya was sixteen, he had a dream remarkably similar to the reunion playing out in front of him. A certain half red, half white head wasn’t in the picture back then. But right now, Touya can’t stop his head from dipping forward, and he allows it to fall onto Shoto’s shoulder with a shuddering breath before he finally smiles.

Sitting on Touya’s old bed, your fingers card through the bouquet of Carnations laying in front of you diligently. There’s about two dozen of them, and they were all hand picked by yours truly.

The Todoroki household was empty, you were the only one home. They’d gotten the highly anticipated call this morning. Touya had passed his physical and mental evaluation test, giving him the green light to finally come home after eighteen months in rehabilitation.

You pad across the house, pacing in circles and trying to keep yourself occupied. The weather outside was finally warming up. Spring was the perfect time for Touya to come home, you decide. The world outside is blossoming and anew—just like the life Touya was about to begin.

Only family members were allowed in the hospital to pick Touya up. It’s the only reason you’re waiting here at the Todoroki household alone for him. Natsuo had tried to bring you along, but the rules were quite strict. You keep the bouquet flush against your chest, breathing in the fresh flora’s scent—but, it does nothing to tame your excitement.

Touya would be walking through the front door any moment now. You tap your pointer finger against the stems of his flowers, gaze flitting towards the open window you lean against as you keep a close eye out for any approaching vehicles. Impatient as ever, you open the front door and decide to sit yourself outside. The wind muses your hair, and the windchimes hanging outside the entrance sing a magical tune, almost like they can sense your hope hanging in the air.

You see it—Natsuo’s car is about a dozen meters away. Your breath hitches and you rise on shaky legs immediately, clutching Touya’s bouquet for support. The car is still in motion as it prepares to slow to a stop, but Touya swings his door open regardless and jumps out. He grins sharply, teeth and all—and he looks just as beautiful as the day you’d left him.

Touya’s strides are long and confident—proud as his feet hit the pavement. You leave the bouquet on the stairs, stumbling forward to meet his embrace as his body collides with yours. You’re swept off your feet in an instant, and he spins you around so fast that you can’t see anything besides the blur of ivory tufts in front of you and his heart stopping smile.

He repeats your name over and over again—pressing a chaste kiss onto the crown of your head. The tears welling in your eyes don’t sting, they feel more sweet than salty as they dampen your cheeks. Touya’s palm easily maneuvers to the nape of your neck, and his thumb runs over the crystal trail your crying leaves as he tilts your head upwards and towards him.

“You kept your promise.” 

The words are barely louder than a whisper as they fall from his lips, but Touya doesn’t think anyone will ever understand how grateful he is that you gave a broken man like him a chance to feel like this. He breathes you in—your familiar scent filling his senses, and he’s about a second away from bursting into tears because you smell like home.

“Touya,” You choke out, irises shaking as you press a tender kiss onto his lips, one which he reciprocates immediately with the desperation of a man starved of the one thing that gives him life. He pulls away after another moment, his hands quickly moving to your face. Your laughter sounds through the air as he cradles your cheeks in his strong palms, and he presses kisses filled with nothing but his utmost love and devotion onto your skin. No spot on your face was left untouched by his lips—you’re a squirming, giggling mess underneath him—and Touya can already picture waking up every morning for the rest of his life to the sight of your smile.

When Touya was a kid, he thought marriage was gross, and that having kids was a total waste of time, seeing how his childhood turned out. But when you hand him his bouquet of Carnations, when you take his hand and lead him inside the house, when you call out his name with the gentleness akin to an angel—he wants it all. 

He wants to marry you, make you completely his and be completely yours. He wants you to carry his children—no doubt they’ll have your charm and diamond smile—he just wants to be with you forever. To grow old with you and live the rest of his life away from the rest of the world. Away from the cruelty, the violence—it was all he wanted. To finally let his heart rest with you, he can trust you won’t break it like life often seemed to. 

The world tore him open rib by rib, and in the state where his heart was most vulnerable and exposed—you were the one to steal it away.

Touya wouldn’t have it any other way.

CARNATIONS MASTERLIST.

carnations notice :)

tags!

@kawaiidemoneart @porusuniverse @starrmage @lilbeatlebear @bokukenmakuroo

@summercreolefanfictioner @dija200 @phtmmsqrde @sunaraii

@c-lunette @gh0stgirl333 @skullkittens @gurl-pls-evn-the-sharks-fear-me

@hawkwithsocks @suresnips @sugurusmoon @matchablossomsss @moonlitmorganite

@redr0sewrites @muimuiwisteria @sukunaspillow @starsryi

@eidolonwriter @dabislittlemouse @rueclfer @kelin-is-writing

@shugs1801 @imaginationmess

@lasa27 @sophiathefrog @etaerealboy @kooromin @sourbbyxo

@hvnares @ephmeraloblivion @lost-seraphiim @quokka-ina @jesuschrist2006

@stoned-anime-babe @qatiee @shadowsingers-redhood @alycat171

@21-princess

@xileonaaaa @rylerboi @blurryperrtymoonlight @mrcleans4headwrinkle @accidentpronedork

@xinxinpeh @enouche @saltyschnitzel @hearts4tsuki @giyuism

@vanoilette @ydkmsstuff @deadhands69 @kanekisheart @nanamisrighthand

@slothsmoths @wastedspaceace @jupiterswrld @froggy-crystal @nousija

@redesiuk  @heartsfortouya @un-aesthetic @lizzie3d2y

@bffrrufr @prettydeeryess @geese-geese @rttnteef @sleepyturtlee

touya, a boy who burned so brightly- who lived his entire life engulfed in vengeance and hatred like a forest fire- probably felt cold in the end. after years of chasing destruction, of slowly killing himself, he died alone. no heat, no flickers of flame or embers. just cold, and dark, maybe the sterile beeping of that high tech pod they stuffed him in.

and the worst part? he probably wanted it that way. he was so far gone, so consumed by hatred. his mother and sister still mourned him. his brothers still thought of him. his father, as horrible as he may be, regretted his actions.

but he didn’t want to heal. he wanted endeavour to suffer. and if he did realize that there were hands reaching out to him, reaching through the fire, reaching for him? his body was already failing.

when there was nothing left. maybe then he realized that he was still touya todoroki. and that deep down, he was still loved.

Touya has no poker face when he is gonna win against You in gard games.

Rehab Touya inspired by @suksatoru’s Carnations!

All bases by @dreaming-in-cryo / @2mucheyeliner