☆vents☆

you say you love me, but that’s what they all said before. that they love me, that they mean it, that they’ll never leave me. i laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and you’re staring at me but you don’t know how many times i’ve heard those exact words. you think you love me, but you don’t know how temporary this love is.

you’re laughing with your friends. your other friends. i walk past you. you don’t even see me. you don’t even try to see me. you’re caught up in your laughter and joy. i’m a ghost, walking past you, my soul no longer in my body. i’m a shell of a being. what is being? you never look up.

it’s fine. hang out with your other friends. it’s fine. i don’t even care. it’s fine. it’s fine. no go have fun with them. it’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fine. (do you believe me yet? i don’t.).

i can make the sight of me make your skin crawl. i can give you nightmares of me. i can give you panic attacks every time you see someone in public that looks like me. i can make you cry so hard every night that you suffocate. i’ve almost done all that before, and that was on accident. imagine what would happen if i tried. i may not be able to make me hate you, but i can make you rearrange your schedule so that you don’t see me, try to rip your ears off whenever you hear my laugh, make even my name the bane of your mental state. i may not be able to make you hate me, but i can come close to it, close enough that i can die without worry of your feelings.

“im sorry” has lost all meaning.

i want to be (platonically) touching someone constantly i want to hug people every chance i get i want to hold someone’s hand when we walk i want someone to surprise me with a hug me i want someone to initiate i don’t want to be asked to be touched i appreciate the gesture but those few seconds of people asking my brain gets so upset because just those moments it takes to ask is time i could have physical contact and i need touch more than i need to breathe i’m so fucking needy

you ignore me for days on end. i text back the second i see your name pop up.

its gotten to the point that the words “i’ll never leave you” are triggering.

they ruined my life and will never apologize for it. glad they make you happy, though.