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the thing is that. preboot at least. dick is picking tim over jason every single time. it's not close. even if we are positing a reality where dick and jason had a fairly good relationship. even if we are positing a reality where jason is significantly less malevolent -- and less antagonistic towards dick specifically -- than he is in preboot canon . . . look, if you think dick would ever overlook a threat to tim's well-being or happiness because he just wants jason back so bad, you do not understand how unhinged he canonically is about tim. that's his little guy!!!!! if tim gives the slightest indication that he is uncomfortable being in the same room as jason, guess what, dick is already getting up to open the window he plans to bodily toss jason out of. bye
i'll be honest it gets kind of annoying when ppls immediate canned response to an m/f ship is "she deserves better" because over half the people who say that then proceed to hyperfocus on some yaoi with the man involved and never give the woman a second glance. forgive me but i think she deserves better than being girlbossed off screen and never mentioned again
sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers
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it truly has it all. I love you bro, no homo taken to the next level. Accidental lesbianism. the worst football shots you've ever seen. An absurd amount of ambiguously gay men. Everyone is blind. A music montage every 5 minutes. The cringiest lines possible delivered by an underperforming cast. Magic Mike.
my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!
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I know that—objectively—this is bullshit, but I have chosen to believe that the reason the US hasn't formally changed to the metric system is for the poets. When the going gets tough you can still claw your way forward inch by inch, but centimeter by centimeter just doesn't quite carry you. You're in love/excited/nervous/scared and your heart is beating a hundred miles per hour, whoa that sounds fast and dangerous! But a hundred kph? I've been passed by people going faster than that coming out of downtown on capital boulevard. The pound of flesh they take from you is raw and bloody and full of pain, the kilogram of flesh is impersonal and excised in laboratory conditions under strict observation. Liters are okay tho, if only because they sound like meter and a meter is used to measure things, so the measure of a man can be siphoned (as a byproduct of the kilogram) into a bottle with a screw cap lid and stored in a dark cool room until he is found wanting. A gallon would be wasteful, a quart too unserious, and a cup not enough to keep him from withering in the desert sands under 100 degree faeghreignheit sun. ...Okay maybe celsius gets a pass too.
No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding "but I remain optimistic" at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.
Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist - implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn't what you expected or hoped to happen, but you're yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you've now vaguely implied towards might still happen. "He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic."
Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can't be affected. "Apparently it's tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic."
And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. "About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic."
My favorite art is first sentences of scientific papers, I love reading sentences like "movement is of integral importance to animals" or "snow has long been recognised for its ecological importance" fuck yes so truee
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not watching severance and succession means i log on the day after an episode and everyone is like SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEYRE SO INSANE FOR THIS and the image cited is a man in a suit standing still in an otherwise blank, fluorescently-lit hallway. i'm happy for you guys or sorry that happened