Alpha Sexual Power Vol 3
Alpha Sexual Power Vol 3
Alpha Sexual Power Vol 3
com
Alpha
Sexual
Power
System
Volume 3
CONTENTS:
Sexual Psychology - 4
You maybe familiar with Maslows hierarchy of needs where they talk
about you have this base need for food, water, shelter, and on top of
that with all these other needs are layered on top, and having sex and
procreation is right there after the whole needing food, shelter and
water. But at the top of that pyramid, after youve got all those other
things done, thats where actualization with self-growth comes in.
Now, the unfortunate things is for a lot of guys right now, in order to
get that sex they desire so much, they have to jump to the top of the
pyramid.
Then considering that sexuality and the ability to have sex and sexual
connection and then emotional connection that we have with people
is also a very basic need. It comes right after that. How do I get to
the point where I get that stuff when I need to go right to the top of
the pyramid and start figuring these things out and learning them as
If you can give a woman a result that shes looking for, whatever it
may be, whether its a realization, whether its a fun interaction with
her, whatever it may be, shes going to feel there is value in that
interaction. This is how you communicate value to a woman by not
being focused on being higher value. Okay, a lot of gurus, a lot of
seduction experts are constantly telling you to be a higher value guy.
Lets go to the example, a gas station. The normal price for one gallon
of gas, lets say its $3.50. God knows when you are watching this it
could be $10, who knows? But the normal price for a gallon of gas is
$3.50. Now, I give somebody an offer #1 as Im trying to market my
gas station and I want to give somebody a special offer so they come
and get my gas, and I say, You know what? Come on to my gas
station and I will give you ten gallons of gas for $31.50. Okay, well,
they work out the math and they can figure out that, Okay, ten
gallons times 3.50, thats $35. Subtract 31.50, and thats 3.50 Im
saving. They have no real obligation to take you up on that. There is
nothing that really makes it urgent. It doesnt make it very
How many of the people would take you up on that fill up? Ask
yourself, how many people do you think will take you up on that? I
think quite a few because once you drive into a gas station and you
put that hose in your gas tank, you are not stopping at one gallon.
You are going to keep going. Do you see where Im going with this?
Based on the reciprocity alone, you are going to get a much higher
take rate, many more people are going to come in to your gas station
and want your gas, because, I mean, the free gallon is a lure in itself,
which is great, but they are not going to stop at one gallon. They are
going to fill up their tank. Forget about the fact that your hose is in
their tank, but you know what I mean. You are already in there. You
already got them taking your gas. Which one of those offers makes
the most sense to you? Okay, I think it should be very clear that the
one gallon free is the much better offer.
This is how value works in a persons mind. What they get with the
initial investment, the upfront thing they get and take away from you
is going to be the thing that feels most valuable and will want them to
come back for more. This is just a declaration of higher value, but it
doesnt have any real bite to it. Yeah, sure, its ten gallon for 31.50.
There is a discount there. Its a better value. But so what? Even if I
said ten gallons for $28, you would be like, Okay, so its like $5 or 6,
I dont know, or something like that or $6 off or whatever. Its still
not very enticing. Yeah, there is a discount there. But when I say one
gallon free with no strings, its a totally different offer, isnt it? You
need to be the person out there giving one gallon free to everyone. Do
you think she would turn you down for a fill up?
Im going to leave this sexual analogy right where that one ended.
Okay, so you get the idea here with pain versus pleasure principle and
how to truly motivate women with sexual attraction. I hope that the
gas station example made it clear for you.
Ill give you an example of this. One of the ways that men do that
safety thing is through chivalrous behavior, opening doors for
Some women get a little bit not happy about that. They like to run up
to the door and open it themselves. Ive seen this. Ive seen it quite a
bit. These are women that have issues with their sexuality, and I want
to caution you to watch out for that. So youve got to be protective.
Youve got to go to that safe zone as well as give her the chemistry, the
feeling of, Oh, there is something there. The two are not in conflict.
The two are complementary.
Its kind of the universal equation that helps somebody take action.
Thats how we take action. If I perceive there is pain coming up the
road, and guess what, I can no longer avoid it. Ive got to do
Pain is sometimes the potential loss of pleasure once theyve gained it.
So for that woman who came into your gas station to fill up with a
free gallon of gas, the potential loss of not filling up the rest of the
tank or like if you come out and you offer to clean her windshield or
you offer to check the air in her tires, the old school method of gas
stations. Pain is sometimes the potential loss of pleasure once theyve
gained it.
Just make it simply implied with your attitude. You dont actually
take away their toy. You make it implied that, You know what? If we
are not hanging out with each other, you are not getting this, and you
might not be able to hang out with me. So what do you think? You
are not really doing it as a carrot or stick, but its always a potential.
You want to hang out with a woman because of the good feeling shes
going to give to you and the good situation you are going to be in and
the possible sexual situation, and all these things drawing into that.
The possibility of not having that is painful, and it draws you into
different behaviors because of it.
If shes not a resister, she may, and the keyword is may, assume
nothing. She might assume there is nothing there, and you might
have to work to actually get a relationship if you would like to sleep
with her again. There is a very distinct difference on how those two
types of women behave.
No matter what, you are obligated as a man to reassure her after sex.
Call her the next day. This is simple stuff. Okay, this is by the
numbers. You call her the next day no matter what your intentions
are, whether they are to sleep with her again or not, you call her the
next day just to connect with her to give her a sense of reassurance.
Its a clich, but its actually completely true, Ill call you tomorrow.
Ill call you later. Do it. Actually, do it, even if you dont want to
A good friend I know have three rules that he went through his life
with, and Ill give you these three rules because I think they are pretty
good.
They are pretty good rules. Because the reason you are doing this,
this reconnection is because she fears that the disconnect and the
thought of being used, and you dont need to do that to a woman. Its
simply not necessary. So that connection with just that call is a good
way to reconnect.
If you persist, you can usually keep her, even if she does this on you.
Its not a big deal. If a woman tries to disconnect and push you away,
its not because shes just trying to get rid of you, although sometimes
it is, the reality is that most women would like to keep the connection
going.
Whatever you do, please dont proclaim love at this point. You are
not in love. This is really important for guys to understand. Love
does not equal sex. Sex does not equal love, although they can later
on and they can actually augment and add to each other, dont
The number one thing to do after sex, do you know what it is? No, its
not throwing away the condom, but its eat or drink. Its a kind of
lock everything up, seal up the loose ends. Eat and drink, its great.
Go and get some food. Share some food together. Its a great way to
reconnect and kind of take away that awkwardness that happens.
Dont fall asleep right away. Men have this need to sleep. Its a
biological thing. Youve got to fight that. After sex, grab something
out of the fridge, have a little food, snack, something thats sexy.
Women often feel energized after sex. Youve got to recognized that
you falling asleep seems like a disconnect to them. Its the number
thing. Its a little clue, a little side thing there, eat or drink after sex.
Its a great thing to do to seal it up.
So the after sex might seem like its like, Oh-oh, out of place. I
thought we are talking about psychology. Its a psychological factor
to consider because of the way women are made up about this.
Sexual psychology and sexual desire in women, we are going to finish
up here. Sexual desire in women and how women are turned on and
Im saying this over and over again because its a really important
point for guys to understand. They can get way far in and turn off the
lights on you, and totally shut everything down. It means you can
stop it anytime, even when you cant. So you are going to find points
of frustration in there. Youve got to recognize it. Youve got to stay
in control of your emotions, even when you are heightened in your
sexual excitement and its going to lead you to possibly some
emotional reactions, dont go there.
A womans brain circuits are literally not connected the same way that
yours are. She literally does not have a connection between, Oh my
God, Im so hot and physically hot right now, and the rest of her
brain, its not connected there and theyve done tests on this and its
important thing to understand.
Here is another part of the womans sexual psychology that you need
to realize, and this is very basic and very important to know. Men
want a womans desire. We want a woman to want us. We want her
wanting us and needing us almost. Women desire only to feel the
desire of men. Think about this for a second. Yes, she wants to have
the same things you do, but women are more attached to, and more
connected to, and they see much more vividly another mans desire.
This is what women are actually including on. If you read their
romance books, if you read things that women are drawn to in terms
of erotica, they want to feel the desire of men, in general, not a
specific man, but the desire of men. Thats how they validate their
existence and sometimes their feelings of self-worth. By
demonstrating desire to a woman, because I just said the primary
reason that you have broadcast sexuality, is to give her that feeling of
desire.
The reason for the dark secret that if you just pursue a woman
valiantly, that she will almost always give in eventually, and there is a
dark secret and Im revealing this here now, and that is that if you do
persist and just chase after a woman enough, and I know you can
She will probably almost always give in eventually, but will you have
the kind of relationship that shes going to stick with? You better be
able to go into the switch tracks into the right kind of behavior once
youve gone there. Its a dark secret, but again, most guys will tell
you, No, you mean, you can be the nice guy forever and shes still
going to keep you around as an orbiter and a friend. The truth is
that eventually shell probably give in. She will probably just by virtue
of wanting to feel that desire, she will give it a shot, but youve got to
be able to really change gears when that time comes.
All right, we covered a lot of deep stuff in this particular class. Weve
gone through every element of psychology that you really need in
terms of women as well as how to understand them. Wow, take a
deep breath. Take some time. Maybe review this section again
because there is a lot of stuff in here, and then I want you to move on
to the sexual roadmap. From there we are going to go into much
detail about the process of going from this attraction to the bedroom
with a woman.
We are going to cover how to have your social status and how
important that is, handling stepping stones, all the good stuff around
what is the actual roadmap, the stepping stones from A to Z and going
to basically sleeping with women. We will cover that in the next
section. Take a little breather though. That was a pretty deep and
intense section, and come back for the sexual roadmap.
Sexual Roadmap 1
So lets start with the process of learning and what the sexual
roadmap is all about, and the process of learning goes back to a
concept thats in every area of self-growth and self-learning really,
and its also independent of you. In other words, whether you like or
not, these are going on behind the scenes.
The first stage in the process of learning is that you are unconsciously
incompetent, meaning that you dont know that you dont know. You
dont know what it is you are doing wrong. You dont know how to do
it. This is nowhere more apparent than when youve taken on a new
hobby or you are trying a new sport. Lets say you start karate for the
first time in the first class you go to. Well, then you become
consciously incompetent, which means you know or you are aware
that you are not competent at this particular thing and you need to
develop that.
The first stage is probably the easiest to get past because you dont
realize that you are even there until its pointed out, until you actually
choose something that you want to do, that you dont know how to do
and then you immediately go into the consciously incompetent mode.
Thats if you have a healthy ego and a healthy self-perception because
a lot of guys can still sit in a case of denial or they wouldnt even let
State of flow, being that state that you get into where time seems to
pass, like unbelievably fast, you lose yourself in whatever it is you are
doing. You are not even aware that you exist. You and the activity
almost become one. Its a very spiritual, almost Zen-like state that
you get into and its really awesome. I get there all the time when Im
playing guitar. You have to be, first of all, because you cant make the
music do what you do, you have to a part of the music and go along
with the music. And it goes with anything else, with the martial arts, I
have to go quickly from consciously incompetent if I dont know a
new technique to consciously competent, Okay, I can do this thing,
to then being able to do it without thinking about it, and thats what
the most repetitions usually involved. Its going between steps 3 and
If you are unconsciously incompetent, you dont know. You just need
to seek out the information. When you are consciously incompetent,
you need to seek out the training and the guidance to be able to get
that skill correctly, which is where you maybe coming into this
program. You may be consciously competent in many of the areas
that we are talking about with sexual power. Thats fine too. That, in
that stage, you want to practice and repeat. You dont want to add
new material. You want to just keep practicing and repeating until it
becomes unconsciously competent.
All right, so elevating your social status, what is this about? There is a
really important thing you have to understand when it comes to
sexual power, and especially in the roadmap of going from just
meeting a woman to getting her into the bedroom and getting the sex
or whatever your goal maybe in terms of intimacy. So the truth is that
could be any number of goals, even short of having sex with a woman.
Now, youve got to be able to learn how to AMOG guys out nicely, not
aggressively because the Alpha man does not do that. He just simply
doesnt. Not because hes some goody choochoos, but because he
understands that physical confrontation or physical violence should
be avoided in all situations. Thats what I do in all situations. Even
though I know I could handle myself in a physical altercation, Im not
going to try and create that just to satisfy my sense of tough guy.
So Ill give you an example of a story, and Ive just talked about this
one before. Its very important to be able to pull up a good example.
There was a time a few years back when I was seeing this one girl and
she was, lets just say, hot. She was hot, and she and I had known
each other for years and this was our first opportunity to get together
because she finally was between boyfriends, and circumstances come
around. So we know whats going to happen, but we are dating
together.
We are meeting at this bar in a local area here in the Peninsula near
San Francisco, and I meet her there. I get there late at night, well, its
not late, but its somewhere close to elevenish or something like that.
I had just gone to some mixed martial arts thing and I met her there,
and sure enough, I come in and I had been texting her the whole way
The second I get jealous and aggro and weird, shes going to be
weirded out and not sexually attracted to me. So yeah, sure enough,
withing two or three minutes, hes kind of like, Oh man, you know, I
didnt mean to interrupt you and your girl and everything, man. Im
leaving. Thats cool. And hes a sloppy drunk, hes stumbling, but
hes perfectly fine, and she really, really liked the way I handled that
because I didnt have to go in all aggro. I knew that I have my value
going into the situation. Thats how you AMOG a guy out nicely is
you are really cool about it.
The reason why is because with humor itself, you can always blame it
on, Dude, I was just messing with you, man. Dude, I was so totally
fucking with you. As a matter of fact, thats one of the tactics that I
use on a regular basis. If you can do this, there are guys Ive known
who do it all the time where they mess with the guy really, really hard.
I mean, to the point where you are thinking they are trying to be a
dick to him, and the other guy, if he starts to pick on that, he will be
like, Hey man, that isnt funny. He gets all indignant, and the other
guy is like, Oh dude, come on. We were totally messing with you,
totally messing around.
Of course, they werent. They were trying to push his hot buttons and
try to get him to that point where he gets all, Aah. And once a guy
has gone to that zone, he looks like the dick. It doesnt matter who
else pushed them there, if he let himself get into that emotional state,
his social status becomes lowered immediately so you have to be able
So you do this until there is selection signal from her that says you are
in. In other words, you have to maintain high social status and social
status presence. I dont mean this to infer that you need to be what
we push off a lot as the high status male thing where, actually its not
so much as high status male as it is the man who is the prize; hes the
one with all the value, superior value, displaying higher value, and
that sort of thing. Guys get really hung up on that, and if you push
that as a point, it wont be believed. It wont be trusted. It wont be
truthful. So keep in mind though that you do need to elevate your
social status relative to other people as much as possible through
legitimate means, and you keep doing it until there is a signal from
the woman that says, Oh wow, cool.
You walk like you own the world. Social power is an internal and
external signal to your brain that you are important. In other words,
having social power tells other people that you are important, but it
also reinforces to you that you are important. I have to admit. I have
some friends that Ive made in the last years that are very powerful,
Its also a foundation of social power really. Walking like you own the
world, like you do and its a certain amount of self-delusion, but its a
healthy self-delusion. Its not that you really think you are the hottest
shit anywhere or anything like that, but you do have to carry a bit of
that fake until you make it or show it before youve made it, because
really in all reality any person thats gotten into any place in his life
has felt himself worthy before he got there. Nobody got there not
feeling like they are worthy or not believing that they have the ability
to get where they wanted to go.
I guarantee you, every single one of those people that competes in the
Olympics for any year believed at some level that they could do it.
Their coaches got them in the mindset through training, through
practice, through hard repetition, but theyve believed it. They believe
they could do it, and that belief, like you own the world or you own
whatever it is you are going after, will be your foundation.
Theres reward power. This is the ability to give rewards for anything.
If I have the ability to pay you your paycheck every week, I have a
reward power over you. You are going to keep coming to work, so you
can keep getting a paycheck. Its kind of a sad, but thats the only
motivation for a lot of people.
There is coercive. Thats where I can do the other side of that. I can
inflict pain if you dont do what Im say you are going to do. If Im a
slave master or if Im some evil dude thats got you as my captive and
I am making you build my pyramids or whatever it is, Im the coercive
influence there.
Mix them with others and you can be more powerful. Referent power
is respect or the esteem of others, in other words, they respect to you
or they hold you in high esteem. People of high social caliber could
qualify for this with somebody that you heard of. Ill give you an
example of Mother Theresa who has since passed away. She had an
incredible amount of respect and esteem built around her and she
would have power by virtue of that.
So there you go with seven types of social power. The ones you want
to know and understand. Now, all of them are important. All of them
you need to know how they work.
Connection power is good and important because it will force
you to expand your social circle.
Informational can be good if you dont rely on it too heavily.
The same with expert, knowing information is good.
With legitimate authority, its difficult. I mean, guys work to get
this and then they kind of lay back and take it easy because now
theyve got their position. Thats why its one of the easiest ones
to lose, so be careful with legitimate power and the lures that it
has.
Referent power is very important. This one is one of the ones I
recommend you work on the most. Getting peoples respect and
esteem by virtue of not using the other ones is probably one of
the most powerful forms of power due to the nature of it
because it undermines all the other ones.
Coercive and reward, in its own place can be helpful and can be
useful.
You can posture your way into almost any circle. Trust me on this
one. Ive done that. You can fake your way into almost any social
circle that you want to get networked with these powerful people. All
you have to do is pretend.
At bars, bars and clubs, you should be able to know the people that
work there. Know those people, and frequent people too, get to know
who know those people. Thats another way to get in. They will
introduce you.
At the bookstores you go to, Im just pulling stuff out of my butt here,
but you get the point, anywhere you go, you can start to develop more
reach in your social network. At the bookstores, youve got to know
the cashiers. Youve got to know the managers. Youve got to know
the people who work the different sections. The more people that you
know, the better you will look because when you start going to these
places, and you happen to have a woman with you, and there is
somebody there that knows you and says hey or says hi, thats
impressive. That is incredibly impressive because most people walk
around through life with a veil of anonymity all over themselves
where they are not known by anybody and dont care to be known
quite honestly. Thats a sign of power. When people know you and
want to reconnect with you, its power.
Its like a sailor being on a boat in the middle of the ocean. When
they recognize they stars have changed to a certain point or
recognized where they are in terms of latitude and longitude and they
can affect their course. Its the same thing for you. You will know
how far you are. You will know how much faster you can go or how
much slower you will need to go to make it happen. So its very
essential that you own this process. You own the process.
Now, when I say about owning the process, it means that you have to
take ownership of it. Its like you literally bought this whole process
of getting a woman sexually attracted to you. You own it and now you
have to make it happen. Or its like an engine that youve got to tear
apart and put back together, or an engine that youve got to pull the
cord on and get it started up. You own it. Nobody else is going to do
this for you. Its not going to just happen. Its not going to fall onto
your lap.
If you cant lead her through these steps, shes going to lose sexual
attraction for you. Thats the bottom line when it comes to these
stepping stones in the roadmap that Im about to talk about. Okay,
this is all about escalation. Its all about getting things more and
more sexually charged with a woman, and if you cant lead her
through those steps, you will lose sexual attraction. Its like tug of
war. I think Ive talked about this. If you are playing a game of tug of
war, if you are not pulling on the rope or you are just trying to hold
position, you are going to lose because the other team is just going to
let either interest or will just pull you right over. But if you struggled
to maintain position or you just stand there and not trying to make
any advancement, its actually the same thing as falling behind.
Remember that sex has rhythm. Sex has rhythm. From the very first
moment you meet her to the time that you finally bump uglies, there
Remember the saw tooth pattern equals push-pull. I push her away.
I pull her back in. I push her away. I pull her back in. That back and
forth motion lets her know that shes free to go if she wants to, but
why would she want to? Shes getting so much more out of the
interaction and the change in dynamics of the energy.
Sex has rhythm, but also sex has tension to it. Recognize that tension.
Tension is good. There is a positive tension. Just like there is a
positive stress on your nervous system. There are two kinds of stress.
There is distress and there is eustress. You may have heard this
before, but there are. Distress is the stress that most people go
through at work and through their lives. Its the stress that causes
sickness, hypertension, heart attacks and depression and all that.
Thats the bad kind of stress.
Lets talk about the model here, the roadmap, and then we will go into
some details. There are ten steps in the escalation roadmap.
4. Number 4 is the first date. The first date is that first time you
spend some concentrated time along with her and she agreed to
it, so there must be some level of attraction there. So these kind
of wind themselves up quickly into that first date. Thats the
first chance you get to show who you are to develop the
attraction through constructive push-pull.
5. Number 5 is the first kiss. What else it can be, but that first
moment where you finally kiss her and you know absolutely
that there is sexual attraction there. Thats really what the first
kiss is for guys. Its proof positive that she really is actually
interested in him or you or whoever. I mean its the moment
where you are like, Oh okay, everything I was doing was on the
mark. I didnt just ask out some chick who is taking me for a
ride here. She actually does dig me. Its a proof. Its the
10. Then comes what I consider the last step in terms of escalation.
Thats commitment, true commitment. That means you are
committed to each other. You are staying with each other and
From meeting and introduction.
The electronic conversation.
The phone conversation.
Then youve got a first date interaction.
The first kiss, which will close off hopefully your first date.
Continuance, meaning that you are able to get a repeat from the
same woman, thats a significant step and its relative to her as
well.
More sexual contact, meaning you can go further. You dont
just kiss. Now, you are getting touching and you are getting the
hints of, You know what, eventually we are going to sleep
together.
Sex, the actual act.
Nine is love and intimacy. This is where you are getting much
more deeper emotional connection with a woman.
All right, Im going to lead those open because I may reflect back on
them. Keep in mind though, some can be clumped. In other words,
electronic conversation and phone conversation can be clumped
together. They are just conversation that happens between meeting
and finally getting together again, and we will repeat later on, by the
way.
Meeting and introduction, that might get clumped with electronic and
conversation because you might meet her one night and then a few
hours later after you go your separate ways or you split, you text her.
It happens pretty much the same night close together.
The first date and first kiss can be clumped together. Sometimes we
separate the first date from the first kiss, but there is no need to.
Continuing really is its own step because its more of a cloudy middle
interim step.
More sexual context, who knows? Maybe this girl moves quick,
maybe shes one of those low-resistance girls and shes really into it
So what are the markers? What are you actually looking for that tells
you that you got to a certain point? You got where you wanted to go
and now you know where you are in the map, because again you can
look in a map, it tells you how to go from Point A to Point B to Point C
to Point D or whatever. But if you dont know where you are once you
leave Point A, you are going to be lost. You are not going to know
where to go if things dont go the way you expect them to or you get a
little bit lost. You get a little bit off track. So again, physical
escalation markers are like those little marks they put on trees to let
you know where you are on the trail.
Milestone markers, lets talk about these. These are the major
milestone markers when it comes to what you should look for in
terms of tangible results with women. The first one is eye contact. It
goes without saying that making eye contact is probably one of the
first steps in just meeting a woman. It can also be an incredible
attraction builder if you know how to use it within conversations and
in those little open spots within conversations.
But on the first date, if you dont come away with a hug, something
seriously has happened. Either something is really wrong with her or
you didnt do your job in moving things forward, but the very least on
a first date, you need to be able to get hugs or extended touch. Maybe
even a little bit of hand holding or a little bit of physical touch and
caressing.
Sexually suggestive contact, you will notice that some of these parallel
the ten steps that I gave you up here. Its very close in some ways.
Sexually suggestive contact, meaning that you are going beyond
kissing, and this might actually happen before kissing, by the way, if
you do it as dance or dancing on the dance floor, but it also leads
eventually to an extended make-out session of some kind. Its a more
sexualized contact. Kissing is sexual, but sometimes it can be taken to
a whole new level by the use of much more sexually suggestive
contact.
Heavy petting, this sound like its something out of a high school sex
ed book. Its touching basically under the clothes. You are going for a
little boob, going for the little butt or whatever it is you are going for
touch. Its physical touch, usually hands to other areas of the body.
Be careful and dont be in a hurry to get to those spots. We use heavy
Eye contact
To physical contact
To hug and extended touch where we are a little bit more
intimate
A kiss, a romantic kiss, not the casual greeting kind.
Sexually suggestive contact, meaning dancing or extended
make out or rubbing each other up a little bit.
Heavy petting, this is where you physically touching under the
clothes, the intent. The hand goes where it needs to go.
Mutual masturbation, touching sexual organs. God, I hate that
term.
Sex, the actual act of sex
Then going beyond sex into mutually climactic sex.
Even beyond that into much more highly developed sexual
encounters with women, which Im going to talk about later too
when we get into a little bit of the old tantra thing and all that,
Those are the milestone markers. Now, Im going to give you one
thats really good. I know that for a long time with others, there has
been this kiss test there in the internet. Im going to give you mine
thats very, very effective and its very, very powerful and its also very,
very easy to learn. The purpose here is you want to build response
potential. Response potential is building in enough energy and drive
for a woman to want to get to the next thing.
So what you do is for this little test to see if she wants to kiss you
because this is a big step for guys. No question about it, its the one
we look to, to see if this chick is really into or shes just kind of
stringing me along. Its the first really indicators of sexual
progression. So what you do is you start by moving towards her as if
you are going to kiss her, and at some point, what you are going to do
is you are going to change your mind about the kiss and back off. So
you are going to look at her and you are going to lean in a little bit,
and you are kind of like catch yourself and you are going to smile and
you are going to lean back, because you caught yourself. You didnt
quite go through with it.
Now, if you move towards her and she backs away, shes probably not
ready. That just means, hey, slow down, back up and get back to
working on the attraction and try again. You havent been written off
yet unless shes asking you, Oh, can you take me home? Im really
uncomfortable about this whole thing. Its not going to happen.
Shes just waiting to build up more of the attraction.
Because if she didnt move away, then you both acknowledge that a
kiss is inevitable. Its going to happen. If it was about to happen
there, its definitely going to happen in a little bit. Now, dont focus
on the other person too much. Its like a sign on the road when you
are driving along on a highway. If you watch the signs, you are not
really spending the time that you need to steer the car, so as you are
chugging away and then you look at the sign and then you are
suddenly off the road and you are hitting a little turtle spot on the side
of the road, you lost your attention, and in the case of trying to seduce
her or attract a woman, you will lose control of that vehicle really
quick. So youve got to stay and keep your eyes on the road.
Dont focus on the steps. When I say them, what Im saying is dont
focus on the steps themselves too much. Dont be sitting here after
youve kissed her thinking, Okay. That was cool. I got the kiss, but
now, Carlos was talking about how we need to get into a sexually
suggestive contact. How do I get there next? You see, if you are
trying to orchestrate that or build that in consciously, it wont happen
naturally and it wont happen at all probably, so back off, relax and let
it happen. The next opportunity will present itself. Being patient is a
big step.
Every step that you complete, every escalation that you complete
without awkwardness makes the next one seemed more inevitable.
Im going to repeat that. Every single step that you complete without
awkwardness makes the next one seemed all that much more
inevitable because youve pulled it off and you were cool as a
cucumber and you made it happen.
All right, those are the physical escalation markers. They are very
simple. Im keeping this very straightforward. This is all you need.
Dont get too complicated with this. If somebody breaks down or
picks nits with it, the whole nitpicking thing is not going to help you
at all. The key is to just recognize the significant ones and where they
lie for you.
So by the way, going back here, some guys can get from eye contact to
physical touch to a hug to a kiss with no problem, but when it
requires them to go past the kiss and into a more sexually, intimate
contact to get things moving forward, thats where they fail and they
flunk and they slow down and they end up screwing it up.
Sexual Roadmap - 2
All right, so to finish off this section, we will be covering emotional
escalation, where to go and when, endgame strategies, meaning when
you are right at the doorway of the bedroom and you are ready to
close the deal, and first date sex and what it takes to get there if you
would like to be able to go quicker to the bedroom and get those one
night stands. There is nothing wrong with that. I dont obviously
condone any kind of manipulation to force it to happen, but if you can
make it happen comfortably, why not? There are women who dont
have any problem with this, and you should be aware of that, and of
course, what to do after the sex.
The first step is stranger. The first step is she doesnt really know you
at all and you are a stranger. You are a threat in a lot of ways. There
is a lot more negatives than positives to you, which is why there is a
lot of work required from men at the front part of this. So the blocker
there is distrust. Shes just going through distrust and she needs to
overcome her distrust, and your job is to give her more trust.
The next step is trust. After you built up some more trust, then there
can be some attraction built into the equation. Now, it doesnt have
to necessarily in this order, but these are the things that come in.
Actually, I take that back, these do need to happen in this order, but
the attraction element is the one that we start working on in the zone.
It doesnt mean that she wont feel like she cant be your friend or that
she cant feel attracted to you before she has that. It should be in
there, but it has to be in the right progression of feeling. So after
friendship come trust through to attraction because she feels like she
can open up and start to feel sexual attraction with you.
Now, trust does not mean that you have to prove yourself necessarily.
It does not mean that she will supplicate or beg, borrow or steal to get
her trust. Its not required. In fact, a lot of guys blow past trust right
away to get attraction through the use of a lot of some of the more
manipulative techniques that are out there, and I dont condone using
them.
Desire and want comes next because we want to get her. For
attraction to occur there has to be desire and want from her. Want is
different than need because thats what comes next. After love, youve
established need. Attraction establishes desire and wanting the
person. Love, a long term connection with a woman establishes need
But if you go out and you meet a woman and you get all hot and
bothered and into her and that, and for some reason, it doesnt work
out or she never calls you again, yeah, its a pisser, but quite honestly,
do you go through any kind of emotional withdrawal from it? No, you
dont. You just move on with your life, at least most guys do, and you
should too. It wont impact you more than a day or two at the most,
but a love connection has need attached to it and it becomes more
significant.
If you try too hard to make things at a certain regular every day like
you text her everyday or you text her every week, anything thats
regular becomes boring because its predictable. Predictable equals
boring, especially in attraction. So youve let go of the predictability
element and open yourself to a little bit of unpredictability. Make it
variable. When its unpredictable, its more interesting.
Always remember, strike while the iron is hot. Whenever you have an
opportunity, you take and seize that opportunity. You dont wait and
hold it off because, Oh, its too soon. No, no, you move forward as
Here is the timeline. Day 1 is the connection. Now, when I talk about
days, day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4 and day 5, those are not sequential
days. Thats not day 1 of the week is Monday, day 2 of the week is
Tuesday, day 3 of the week is Wednesday, and so on. This is just a
unit called Day #1, and that #1, and this is the significant event that
happens there.
For him to balance the equation, hes got to get her invested in him.
Its very important and we will talk more about that. And then he gets
her contact information. Thats what happens on Day 1. Your goal is
to get her attracted, get her somewhat invested and get her contact
information.
In between Day 1 and Day 2, things can happen. You can have text
and emails. Those are typically the things that happen between that
when you actually finally do talk to her, but the time limit here is
anything from minutes to hours after the first call or the first time you
actually meet this chick. All right, thats it. Minutes to hours after the
first call is fine. To get her a text or an email is cool, but again, you
know when things seem a little needy. If you feel needy, then what
you are doing is probably needy, so you just need to hold off a little
I want to close up this, so that we can keep the interim open so you
can understand the time between these two. Now, Day 2 can happen
several days later, whatever it may be, but its to reestablish attraction
and trust, and this can be a phone call. So this is a much more
involved interaction. It can be a phone call or it can be an email, and
the time limit here is one to two days after youve connected with that
chick.
Okay, so lets say you skip this one. You didnt necessarily need to
text or email right off the bat, but youve got her phone number,
youve got her email, youve got her Facebook, or whatever, the
interim question is when do you call her back, when do you
reconnect? One to two days is all it should take. Thats the limit. If
you go beyond that, you are starting to disrespect. It just doesnt feel
good to most women, they weird out on it. Unless you got her so hot
and bothered for you that shes dying for you to call, in which case,
then it doesnt hurt to call her sooner than later, does it? Dont push
the envelope on that. One to two days is all you need.
The goals here on this one on Day 2 are just to get hold of her and talk
to her again. Thats it really. Revive her interest with fun. Remind
her of what a cool dude you are. Remind her why she gave you her
phone number anyways, and plant the seed for the date. The seed for
the date is the reason why you two should get together again, and it
Go ahead, get the date if you can and it makes sense wherever you
happen to be in the interaction. Sometimes what Ill do is Ill call a
woman, talk to her a little bit, get her laughing again, get her all
excited, and you can just tell shes dying. Ill be like, Oh, I hate to do
this to you, but I got to go. I was about to get on the bus. Ill call you
in a little bit, okay? All right, bye. And just cut it off right there, and
she is going to be like, Oh. I know I left her a little bit deflated. I
know I dropped her a little hard, but then I can just call her back like
20 minutes later and say, Oh man, Im glad you are there. I was just
like gotten off the bus and figured, oh wait, Ill give you a call. You
can reconnect it again, and she will be excited to hear from you again.
But at the same time, just remember that this goal that you are trying
to shoot for is simply to get that reconnection going to remind her
and to exercise that muscle to get her interested again. Thats Day 2,
establishing attraction and trust.
The next is the actual date, the meeting again. Its a short date. It can
be a low investment risk for both of you. Meet over tea, meet for a
drink or a beer, whatever it is, but link it to something that you talked
about previously. This is seeding. This is where if you talked on the
first time you guys got together, when you approached her, you
happened to meet her in oh God, Im trying to think of something
that makes sense, you met her at a magazine store for whatever
reason. You met her in a magazine store and your approach was
whatever she was reading at that time from a magazine. Well, maybe
you came over some sort of comment in that conversation about that
magazine. Maybe shes into windsurfing or surfing, and you can tell
her at this point where you are going back again on Day 3, you are
trying to get that meeting again in person, now youve got a reason
why. The reason why is what I said before here. There reason is why
is you are planting that seed for the date. When you talk to her on the
phone, you can get these things. You find the reason why you two
need to get together again. Now, you can bring that up again to get
We are trying to establish totally logical and rational it just falls into
place because You are not happening to force anything here. You
are happening to struggle to come up with a reason why you two
should get together. Its just seems like its should happen, and thats
the way you want it. Just like dominoes, it should fall over.
The time limit here is no more than a week without a genuine reason.
Again, you dont want to wait longer than a week from when you first
met her to when you first get back together with her for more than a
week. You dont want more than week between there without a really
good reason, like one of you is traveling or circumstances just really
sucked. The duration of this time, there is a new time limit here, the
limit between, but there is also a time limit of the event.
When you meet her again in person, keep it short. Keep the duration
commitment down to one to one and a half hours. Its better to keep
it shorter and leave her wanting more than too long and boring and
then losing the attraction. Again, a big mistake that guys make is
committing themselves to seven hours with a woman and not really
being sure they want to hang out with the person or her even wanting
to hang out with you.
Whats the goal on Day 3? The goal is to build the attraction further.
Continue that build up. Its like an arms race. You are continuing to
Get physical touch started with her. Get comfortable opening up the
dates that you have with women. When you get together with them
again with a peck on the cheek. Walk up and just say, Oh great, its
so good to see you. And give her a kiss on the side of the cheek, but
thats it, a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. It should seem natural
and should feel natural. If it doesnt, get it there, because if you are
natural and congruent with it, she will be too. Its a simple state of
fact. If you are manipulative and greedy with it, she will also sense it.
Some guys go in and try and get that little kiss on the cheek just to try
and desperately figure out if the woman is still digging then or trying
to get some security out of the situation, and that becomes
manipulative and greedy. Hang off on it. So get that physical touch
started with her as quickly as possible on this interaction. Dont go
waiting around. We are trying for sexual power here. We are not
trying to water things down.
The kiss at the end of the date, if there is one, and more often than
not, it should happen for you. If you get the attraction going, it will
happen. Leave her wanting more. It should be a very short and
abbreviated kiss, and again, leaving her excited for the next date, the
next possible time you two can get together. Its really, really
Okay, now, after that first mini-date or short, brief date that you got
together with her, what happens in between? Well, again, text, phone
call, some kind of little fun thing, play with her. Use some of the
teasing texts that I gave you in some other programs. Use those to
keep the spark going with callback humor and things like that. The
time limit here is I would wait two days after that first date to build
some anticipation without being manipulative. If you do something
right after that first date, its a little too soon. It can come across as a
little needy. Let her do it. If she does it, great, but you dont be the
one to do it.
Set that next date quickly. Set it as quickly as you possibly can. So
two days after, you might text her and say, I had a great time. Its a
blast hanging out with you. And you wait, if she text something back
and it makes it obvious that shes still interested and shes still up for
it, youve got some continuity, then you text her back and saying, You
know what, Ill fire a day, so we will try and get together again real
soon, all right? And that gives you an opportunity again to call her
back later and set that second date quick.
The time limit here is that it should happen within the couple of days
of your original short date. Remember back here where you finally
first met the first time in person. You want to happen again within a
Make it inevitable. Make it easy for her to push the dominoes over. It
should be so totally low obligation and low key, and then once you are
in the date and having fun, extending it becomes natural and it will
just happen on its own, and that will seem more like destiny to her.
That destiny thing is big with women, by the way.
What are the goals on this date, this extended rather? Its more
attraction, more rapport. You are establishing the maybe in her
mind. This is the possibility that you could be the one, because every
woman wants to entertain that notion, This guy could be the one.
Hes pretty cool. Hes pretty funny. Hes got this trait. Hes got that
trait. Hes really pretty interesting.
More physical contact is definitely the goal for this particular date.
Its a longer date, so you definitely want to have a longer kissing, and
what I call presexual touch, which means maybe your hands strays a
little bit closer to her butt. Maybe you grab her arms a little bit and
pull her in tight when you kiss her. These things give it much more
sexual innuendo and passion, so I would say probably if you want to
associate a word in there, passion would be a good one. Those are
your goals for the extended date.
Okay, interim between this one, again text or phone call after this
date, the big date, and the time limit is again two days to build
anticipation without seeming manipulative. If you didnt have sex on
that date, there is no reason why you have to contact her the next day.
In fact, not contacting her day is much better. That builds a lot more
response potential. But waiting until the second day is a good idea. I
wouldnt go too much farther than again because then it seems like
you are just not caring, being disrespectful again.
Make it more clever and more thought out. Put some mental effort
into this one because you want to impress her that you are really
thinking about her, thinking for her, trying to give her a good
experience. She wants to feel that. Here, a dinner or a meal will be
excellent. It would be really good to have at this point. By this time,
the fifth date, you are getting pretty connected with this chick. Cook
for her at her place. This is going to lead naturally into it being a
payday for you if you really want to know the truth, but thats an
awesome way to handle Day 5, which is the experiential date, and
then make sure the time is open-ended.
Make sure there is no time limit. There is nothing after that you have
to worry about. Salesmen have a great ways of doing this, but you just
have to be clear that, You know what, hey, do you want to go out on
Saturday? Cool, cool. You dont have anything else going on that day
From time to time she may throw one in, just to test the waters, and
to kind of establish limits and establish boundaries, she will say
something like, You know what, I am supposed to meet a friend of
mine a little bit later on. I hope you dont mind. You know what I
mean. We are going to have a few hours and everything, but I might
have to meet with her. Thats her way of saying she wants to put that
out there and see how you react to it and see if you are going to get all,
Damn it, Im not going to get any sex tonight. This is the third date.
Thats really what its about. It gives her an out, just in case.
And then there is the sex date. Whatever date it winds up being, you
have to start to move it forward, but every date moves it forward a
little bit, every single one. No matter what happens, its got to move
forward. You will sense it. Everything will start to move forward and
if there is no other factors, you or her, you want to move things
forward assertively by the fourth date. When I say move it forward, I
mean get it into the bedroom. Get it going towards sex because there
should be a steady, but gradually increasing slope of sexual energy
every one of these days that weve gone here. Day 1 from the
connection, there was an initial attraction established. On Day 2,
reestablishing that and then meeting again in person, having the
extended date, the experiential date, and then eventually, whatever
date it happens on, whether its the first, second, third, or whatever
date that is, you have to be the one constantly moving it forward.
Now, how do you make that? Well, thats what we are going to be
talking about more in the rest of the strategies in the section from the
endgame strategies. The first date sex where Ill show you how to
make that move forward as fast as possible and kind of complete the
loop on the actual sexual roadmap.
Sexual Roadmap - 3
Now, the big factor here is how you are going to handle things if you
are denied. Thats really what the endgame is all about because if it
just goes on its own from here, you are going to get laid. Its not
terribly difficult for you to make it through this portion. You dont
need strategies. You just need to keep going. You just need to keep
moving forward, and you will, and if you keep doing that, you are
going to get to success.
When I say resist, I dont mean that you are physically forcing her and
I dont mean that shes physically resisting you. I mean that shes
actually going to sort things out and put on the brakes to having sex.
Well, think about this way, first of all, shes only going to deny you if
only just to establish who is in control. This is typically why women
deny guys if they are in the red zone at the end zone area. Its the last
ten yards, you are about to have sex, why would she stop you here?
Shes going you to deny just to establish control to show that shes the
one in control. So even a low resistor woman, a low resistance type
A lot of guys misunderstand her for being that and they call it the slut
complex where shes afraid to be the slut. Shes afraid of being
perceived as being a slut, and yes, that is a big part of it. But what
they are failing to see is this one reason below it, and that reason
below it is that as long as she knows that she still has control, as long
as she knows that she still is the one saying yes or no and that she
gave the veto and/or the approval vote, thats all she needs. So there
is an underlying reason beneath the whole slut complex thing that
most of this pickup artist guys and a lot of the other gurus out there
miss.
Its not necessarily about that because that slut complex that she has
is not as important to her with a man. Her perception is as long as
youve done the right work up front, she will not necessarily have that
view and she wont be worried about whether or not you think of her
as a slut. Its going to be on how you handle it up to that point if you
communicated her uniqueness. If you communicated some genuine
like overwhelming empowering attraction for her and you
communicated that desire effectively, shes going to be okay and fine
with that.
Remember, this goes back to the old women are disconnected from
their state of physical arousal. They can be totally intellectually
separated from everything thats going on below. So she could be this
close to orgasm and still be able to go, Oh no, stop, stop right there.
We need to stop. Okay, it can totally shut down on her, whereas with
a guy, hes going to finish no matter what.
Because if she shuts you down and you get really, really pissy and
bitchy about it, its as if you are treating her as if like there is only one
shot at doing this. What does that tell her? One shot, shes just one
shot. That means you are not really in this for the long haul. Are you
just going to, what, dispose of her? This is a one night stand to you?
Do see where that logic goes? The problem with logic is its usually
true.
Its like one of those things that you just store away and you are like,
Huh, okay, cool. Sure, Im almost there. You can be totally laid
back and relaxed if you know that in the back of your head, and you
have no problem saying, Oh sure, yeah, lets slow down. No
problem. Do you want something to drink? Im going to get
something from the kitchen. You can disconnect so easily because
you know you are almost there, dude.
Its like the bouncer at the door of a nightclub. He says, Dude, hold
on. And hes looking inside the door, checking the club out to see if
he can let more people in, and then he decides, Oh, okay, go. Thats
what that moment really is. There is a bouncer there and hes saying,
Whoa, whoa, hang on a second. Okay, come in. Thats all shes
trying to do. Shes trying to be the bouncer at the door to control who
goes in and who goes out, to put it in crude terms.
Bouncers have to do that final verification on you before they let you
in. Its kind of like a check to see if you are cool or not. Thats what
she is doing. Shes using her little internal bouncer to check and see if
Now, what? What do you do? Well, first remember where this
happened. This is the strategy I want you follow. This is what you are
going to do if you run into this situation. Remember where she shuts
you down. When I say where, its where in the whole sexual roadmap
did she shut you down at. Where did she put the brakes on? Does
she put it on when your hand was in her pants, or did she put it on
when maybe she was going to touch you, or did she put the brakes on
when you are actually in bed together almost naked? Youve got to
know where this is happening because it gives you a sense of where
shes starting to pick up the vibe that some things have changed here
and some things are going to go sexual because she wont do this. She
wont put the brakes on unless she knows that sex is imminent.
Think about that for a second. Why would she do this? She does it
because she knows that sex right around the corner. Wait for a few
minutes. Just kind of back off a little bit and be nice and kind of
sexually cool and playful and fun. First of all, you are going to pick up
where we left off in a minute, but let me tell you about what you do
before that. You simply just stop, lean back a little bit, and appreciate
her. Let her know shes desirable. Just kind of lay back with her,
Slow sensual touch, its a slow touch where you are just like running
your hand along her body. You are keeping the stimulation going.
You dont want to break off necessarily. You dont want to necessarily
jump up and go to the kitchen and get something to drink, but you
want to just keep the sexual contact or the physical contact going at a
much reduced level. Keep kissing her without going in aggressively
and trying to get back to that sexual and physical space you are in.
Again, dont try to race back to where you left off too quickly. If you
just let it build up again slowly, she will let you get there and probably
further most of the time, nine times out of ten.
So what if she does it again? What if she does put the brakes on it
once more? Okay, figure out if you got further this time. Did you run
up against the exact same barrier, at the exact same point in the
game? If its at the exact same place, chances are there is a pattern
there thats going along and that shes trying to stop it, and she
probably hard coated physical barriers that she doesnt want to go
past. Maybe she made an agreement with herself.
I remember talking to girls about this all the time. After I would sleep
with them, I would always do a little bit of postmortem where I would
ask them about, Okay, so when did you know we were going to have
sex? And then I would say, So what were your thoughts coming
here tonight? Or whatever, I just want to find out what was going on
behind the scenes that led up to this moment because it gave me so
much insight into women and their thinking.
This one girl said, I remember she had volunteered it, and that shes
like shes laying there after we had finished and shes like, Oh God, I
promised we werent going to do it tonight. I was thinking to myself,
What? Are you kidding me? You promised I was thinking this in
But you can see what happens, women will make some really wild,
little leaps of logic and faith and decision making. If she does it again,
figure out if you got further. If you did not get further, chances are
there is a hard core limit there and you probably need to root out
more whats going on there, and you might want to respect that that
maybe its just not going to happen tonight. No big deal.
If yes, if you did get further than you did last time, then again, just
stop, back off, start appreciating her and go back to sensual touch,
kissing, dont race back, build to back up slowly and do it again and
again, and you will keep getting further and further and further. This
is a woman who probably needs to see a lot of persistence from you.
Which type of woman is this? Do you remember your typology? Its
the high resister girl. Shes going to put up a lot of resistance, but
again, its part of her feeling of being in sexual control.
Again, if you keep running up against the same barrier at the same
point, if you didnt get any further, then it probably means shes just
not ready. You can try again, but you have to be careful. If you keep
running to the same barrier, its going to look like dumb persistence
Also take not of how you got shut down. How did she do it? Did she
do it very nicely, but very firmly and almost like she was pushing back
into your corner, or is she just kind of put her hand on yours to slow
you down a little bit. There are different ways a woman approach it
depending on what their motivation is, so watch that. How she shuts
you down is just as important.
All right, so we just covered the endgame. The most important part
for a lot of guys is those endgame strategies. Now, there is something
called the freeze out. You may have heard this. Its a manipulative
tactic. It plays on insecurities. What happens is, let me close this for
a second, this where a guy will run up against a woman saying no to
sex right when they are getting really close, and what does he do? He
just totally shuts her out and shuts down. He disconnects. He
practically gets up and goes and gets the remote or whatever and
turns on the TV and starts watching TV or he goes into something
else. Its like he basically abandons the woman. This is a bad idea.
This is almost always a bad idea, and the guys that use this. I find it
very manipulative and very false, and its actually going to turn off a
lot of women this way.
The only women that this typically works on are the more insecure
ones. Its a manipulative tactic. It plays on the insecurities of the
woman thinking that shes rejected. You are trying to make her feel
But you can do something like this with kind of a self-confident calm
as long as its genuine. Let me explain how this works. This is kind of
like a moderate version of the freeze out. Its the only one that I
actually condone using. This is where you say something like, Oh,
you know what, you are right. We should probably cool it off a little
bit, right? We are not in any rush. Turn on the TV and then turn on
some comedy. Turn on some comedy. Dont immediately get up
from the couch and run off to another room or do something else.
Stay close to her and just kind of shift position and say, Hey, lets
watch some on TV. I think there is some really cool stuff on Comedy
Central right now. And you turn on the TV and you go there.
Or you say, You know what, you are right. This is getting a little bit
hot and heavy. Do you want to go for a little bit of a walk? And you
take her out on a walk, maybe its around your neighborhood or
something like that, and you come back and you can try again.
The key here is that you can only use this tactic of disconnection,
strategic disconnection or what we call a freeze out but only much
more moderate. You can only do this if you can happily let her go.
Could you happily let this woman go? Can you disconnect and not
feel like, You know what, I feel like I just lost her. I totally screwed
up. Or can you be like, Cool, no biggie. We can come back and do
this again sometime.
If you can do that, you can do this tactic effectively, but you dont do it
cold. You dont break off verbal contact. You dont shut down. You
dont play the real true freeze out game where you try and literally
freeze her. Its just not effective. Its manipulative, and again, its
playing on insecurities rather than playing on your own strengths. So
its really important in that freeze out tactic can be used in a way that
is respectful to her, respectful to yourself and it does not rely on
manipulation. Its another way of handling that endgame dilemma of
being blocked, and its important. All right, there are your endgame
strategies.
To serve and protect, what am I talking about here? Well, there are
risks. We always have the risk in sex of pregnancy. We have the risk
of STDs. Those are two biggest risks the guy has to watch out for, and
he may not concern himself so much with pregnancy, but you will if
you are hit with a paternity suit or some kind, or you are being forced
to pay child support.
I recently related the horror story of a guy who was in New York and
had a one night stand. He thought he was going to create a girlfriend
out of this, but what he ended up creating was a monster because she
got pregnant, and what did she do? She actually is denying him
access to his kid and is suing for child support, and all those other
stuff. You can just tell this woman is incredibly evil. I mean, its just
an incredibly evil story.
Just always have condoms. Even if shes on the pill, you just got to
protect yourself. Youve got to. Yes, and with anal and especially with
anal, youve just got to, there is never anything. Even when she says,
Hey, its okay. You can go with it, blah, blah, blah. No, you cant.
There is no such thing as unprotected sex for you until you get to a
certain point in the relationship. So again, dont trust the woman on
this one. Im not saying you cant trust women in general because
most of the time they are looking out to protect themselves as well.
They are going to actually be much more wired to ensure that youve
got some kind of protection for STDs or for pregnancy, but again,
thats not always a guarantee, so protect yourself.
You cannot protect against STDs with a pill, so you dont know if she
might have herpes or she might have something shes not telling you
about. To be fair, most women are very upfront and very honest
about these things. Im fairly sure and certain that statistics have
shown that more men tend to lie about these things than women, but
it does happen on both sides of the fence, so recognize it. Recognize
Never trust a woman when she says, Oh, its okay. You can come
inside me or whatever. No unprotected sex. These are the rules for
it as far as I am concerned with unprotected sex, and its cool as I
know it feels to go bareback, youve got to respect these rules.
Once youve crossed that border, you are both going to feel totally safe
and secure with each other. Its going to be a big trust thing for her
more than anything, and you are going to have much more fun. Lets
just face it. Its much more cooler to be able to do it without all that
extra stuff involved that again protects you, but at the same time you
want to make sure you can get to a nice connection with a woman.
All right, now, we are at a very big point in the program. This is the
first date sex section. This is a specific strategy for having one night
stands. Now, some guys have said, Dude, you, Carlos Xuma, is
teaching this? Is this going against what you teach with Alpha
Lifestyle and blah, blah, blah? No, it does not. Because the reality of
Its also very, very popular with internet dating. Thats why I was
doing it for a long time because I knew that I can get a much higher
success and close ratio with women that I was meeting online, and
there were some really hot women I was meeting there, so please
dont think that this is some sort of skunk territory.
But this is not an ethics issue when it comes down to it. If you are
okay with this sort of thing in your own life, you dont have any
religious or moral barriers to it, of course, always identify that first.
This goes back to your presuppositions, your premise. If you have a
belief that contradicts what it is you are trying to do, you are going to
be in a state of turmoil and its going to sabotage any success that you
have.
First date sex for me and for most guys is not that big of an issue. In
fact, we try and get there. I want to point something out before we go
into this section now, and that is recognize that when you do have sex
on the first night with a woman, you remove a lot of the challenge that
allows you to want to connect with her in longer term.
There is a ton more, but first of all, lets deal in reality when it comes
to one night stands. If you think you can just hypnotize a woman into
bed, it isnt going to happen. Ive mentioned this already. Or that Im
going to show you a back door trick thats going to sneak in behind
their defense mechanisms, but thats not going to happen. Thats not
what we are talking about here.
So here are some of the myths to think about when it comes to first
date sex.
Having sex on the first date will ruin it later. It doesnt
necessarily. Even contrary to why just a minute ago about losing
interest and the whole chase thing with guys, thats real, but at the
same time, some guys wont feel bad. They will feel even more
interested in a chick after they slept with her because it was actually
pretty good and pretty cool and she seems like a cool chick and you
want to reconnect. Having sex on the first date will not necessarily
ruin it for later. You can go back and create a relationship out of it. It
does happen all the time.
Girls dont want a guy to move fast on the first date. Thats
another myth. What they really want, what girls really want on that
first date is somebody who is bold, fearless, masculine and takes
leadership over this situation. It does not exclude sex on the first
date.
Another myth that guys fall into or fall back into is that shes not
as into having sex as men. With this one, its another one of those
things I think that was invented by men to explain why they were
screwing up with women all the time, Oh, its not me. Its not my
bad skills with women. Its her. Shes a cold, frigid lisbo.
Okay, put that stuff aside. These myths will only get in the way and
make it harder for you to get to where you want to go. They are not
true. Having sex on the first date will not necessarily ruin it. Girls do
want guys to move along, at least, at some pace. They would have
different rates though and different paces, so you have to watch out
for that, and she is into having sex, but youve got to really amp up
that energy on this first night meeting.
Can you break a few eggs to make omelet? This is a very important
question. Can you break a few eggs in order to make an omelet? In
other words, there will be points in the interaction with this woman,
whoever it is that you are targeting her for being the woman you want
to sleep with tonight, there will be points where you need to make or
break her as a prospect, meaning that shes not going to wind up as
your friend. Youve got to be willing to accept that that she may not
be your friend, or anything for that matter. You may never see her
again, depending on how this goes, and are you okay with that?
This should be your interaction going in with any woman, not just a
woman you are trying to sleep with on the first night. Because let me
say it one more time, this is not something where we are trying to
manipulate women. We are not trying to brainwash them. We are
not trying to trick them. We are not trying to seduce in a way thats
deceitful or dishonest. We are simply moving things forward more
aggressively and with a much more focused purpose, and she will
But remember that youve got to be willing to break a few eggs if you
are going to make an omelet, meaning that youve got to be willing to
accept that there is going to be some occasional damage for what you
are doing. I dont mean damage to her, but I mean damage to the
possibility of keeping this girl interested in you. You may push it too
hard and shes just blown out and shes not interested anymore with
you. It happens, and if thats okay with you, then you are in a good
position mentally to do this.
If you are not, if you are going to always be worried about, Oh, I
dont want to go too far, I dont want to take that risk, if you are
going to be there, you are going to have a touch time making this
dynamic work for you because you will always be fighting yourself.
Its like having a jet fighter at your control. How far will you go when
the jet starts falling apart? Are you going to eject? Are you going to
be able to eject? Are you going to ride that thing into a fireball? Its
not necessary. And remember always, no means no. I shouldnt have
to say this by now. But unless you want to end up with some other
guy pressed against your back in a prison somewhere and you are
saying no, instead of being her, I suggest you never ever push the
physical limits with women and never, you never ever force yourself
on women sexually. You never need to go there. It never needs to be
done. Im assuming that most guys that get this program will never
need to be told that. Its just probably a simple statement of fact
there, but I need to put it out there. Remember that no means no.
Take care of the obvious logistics. Here are the obvious logistics you
must have in place before you go on this path. Personal hygiene.
Work out before you meet her. Its a good idea because what it does is
it raises your energy level and it gets the testosterone built up.
Shower before you meet her. You are going to shower because
obviously you want to be clean, but again the workout and shower
combination is really good because it gets you in a certain physical
space and mental space.
Of course, there are other stuffs that I really shouldnt have to tell you
about, but Im going to mention it anyways. Your breath, take care of
Home hygiene, your home has hygiene too. Let me tell you, if you are
going to bring this woman back and you are going to make this into
what you want it to be, have a home thats ready to go. First of all,
make sure its clean. That goes without saying. Clean the toilet.
Clean the bathroom. Its a big, big thing to do. Clean up the kitchen a
little bit. No food laying around and no critters.
Make sure you have the other logistics that most guys dont think
about. Make sure you have water near your bed. Water is readily
Now, here is the sequence. We are going to talk about the actual
sequence for the first date sex process. With date logistics, where do
you go? How far away from home you go, and where she meets you?
You need to think of these things in advance because if you screw
these up, you can make it difficult to get to the first date sex that you
are looking for. If you go to someplace thats way far away from your
home and who drove? Did she drive or did you drive? I prefer to let
the woman drive because then, of course, she has to come with me.
There are always logistical things that go into the one night stand, and
youve got to think about them.
Where she meets you? Okay, here is where she should meet you, have
her meet you at your place. If you are the one to arrange things, and
you should have, then you are going to have her meet you at your
place, and you just say simply, Hey, you know what, lets meet up here
since its closer to wherever it is planning to go. Then if you can, it
would be cool if you could walk there, or whatever, take a cab if you
are in a city, have her drive you too from your house. Thats a great
Dont let her come inside and poke around your house too long. You
want to build up a little bit of mystery. What I like doing is I like it
when the women finally arrives is Ill her come in for a second. Ill
say, Hang on a second. I would just go and get some coat or
whatever out of the closer, whatever. I would invent something,
Just hang on here for a second. I would be right back. And I let her
stay there for a second, so she looks around a little bit because women
are so curious this way. They will look around the house a little bit,
but she wont have an opportunity to do much after maybe 30
seconds or a minute Ill come back and Ill be like, Okay, cool. Lets
go. That builds up a little bit of anticipation. Shes wondering,
What else is in this place?
Attitude, you want to make sure that this attitude permeates your
entire evening together. That this is, number one, totally normal.
This is totally cool, and if for some reason she does shoot down the
possibility of meeting at your place its no problem. Its no problem at
all. Dont make it a big deal because some women are going to be
skittish about doing that. Its a sexual safety issue.
So youve got to start strong and warm. Its really important to start
strong and warm with a woman when you get together with her.
Okay, this is part of the sequence, and its really important because
its setting the precedent for whats going to happen later on. Most of
the problems that you have with getting attraction started is if you are
trying to get the first date sex going on in the first night or whatever it
may be, its almost always attributable to something you did very
early on. You didnt start out on the right foot. You didnt set the
right precedent.
You have to understand this because what happens with a lot of guys,
and these are guys that I have coached over the years is that they get
themselves to a certain bad point, a bad situation. Its just like in the
martial arts when Im teaching a self-defense technique. They ask
me, Well, what would you do because I had this guy and he had me
like this? And they will show me the situation me the situation they
got into. Ill look at them and Ill just say, Seriously, dont get into
So lets stop focusing on the wrong problem. The real problem is, for
guys, especially with attraction is getting things started off on the
right foot. Start strong and start warm. Youve got to greet her
warmly. Start with a hug. I always do that. Its a minimum. If you
dont start there, you are going to come across as being a little bit
weak, a little bit unsure. Youve got to come in strong. Its actually
not very strong at all. Its actually very relaxed, and its also to be
expected.
If she has a problem with it, its not your fault. Its her problem. This
is a thing that guys also have to realize is that when you go in and you
go for these things that you may not be used to doing before like going
for a little hug first or even a peck on the cheek, youve got to be the
one that goes in knowing that this is perfectly fine and okay. There is
nothing wrong with it.
If you are going in with the attitude of, Geez, I hope she doesnt freak
out when I do this. Its wrong mindset, my friend. That will actually
cause more problems for you. Thats the mindset we are trying to
unplug from. So you greet her warmly with a hug or a peck on the
cheek. It would be really good if you can work up to that as well.
Offer her a drink. If she comes in for a second, you say, Hey, you
know what, if you want a drink before we go Make it very matter
of fact, very casually, but again, dont come across with that, Oh my
God, I hope she doesnt freak out and think Im a weird rapist.
Because if youve got that floating around the back of your head, you
are going to come across with a weird vibe and shes going to pick up
on it, and yes, thats exactly what shes going to think. Remember to
make sure she feels safe. Everything is about her safety. Her level of
safety is the most important thing.
Make her feel sexy, which again will in turn lead her to feeling sexual.
Thats how this works. If you make her feel like a very sexual creature
that is attractive to men, she will want to bring that energy back to
you in the form of sexual energy, playful or otherwise. Guys will
Again, make sure you are both relaxed. Being relaxed and cool and
calm, and really it takes out 90% of the problems that guys end up
putting into these situations, and thats the reason that most guys
cant get the first date sex going is because they are not relaxed. They
are coming across with the right vibe or the attitude that they need to,
and no wonder then when they are trying all these large artificial
things to get her to sleep with them why isnt it working. Now, you
know.
So the start should definitely be strong and warm. The number one,
number two, and number three that Im going over with you here are
essential steps in the process. If you dont do these things, you are
going to set yourself up, like I said before, damage control. You are
going to put yourself in a bad situation. You are going to ask me how
to get out of it and Im going to look at you and say, Fuck that. You
shouldnt have gotten there in the first place.
Its the same thing. Im always amazed by how close to the martial
arts this is. Whenever somebody ask me, Hey, what will I do when I
get in this situation, I will look at him and say, Why the hell did you
get in that situation? Dont get in that situation. Do the right things
first, so you dont get there, and then we will talk about how to get out
of that situation because you dont want to get there. If I spend all
this time preparing you for the worst situations, which I still do, but if
Youve got to treat this right from the very start. You get your hands
on guard in the correct position. You dont let them get close to you
like that. You dont let them get a grab like that, and you are going to
be in a lot better situation overall. I hope that make sense.
All right, so number three and this goes back to relaxation, you need
to be more relaxed than she is. A lot of guys will pick up the
nervousness that the woman has and they will project that back onto
themselves, that there is something wrong with him, that there is a
reason she feels this way. It has nothing to do with you.
Seriously, the more relaxed you are or more relaxed even so than her,
seriously to the point of almost seeming a little bit stoned where you
are kind of like, Yeah, cool. And I know this seems like total stoner
like, Oh dude, but really when you get to that level, people totally
see you as harmless, thats why people dont find stoners all that
intimidating is because they seem like totally harmless little love
puppies. They just wanted to sit around you and just be, Cool dude,
everybody be excellent and cool with each. Its that relaxation level.
Again, ever wonder why everybody loves a stoner, its because they
are like this. They are always so easy to get along with. They are so
Fun and funny, fun and funny is essential. Be fun, be funny, thats
really the heart of this in a lot of ways because you cant be cool and
not be fun and funny. You cant be relaxed and not be fun and funny.
They are just incompatible. They are mutually exclusive. So be fun,
have fun and be funny.
Ill give you an example. Today I was sparring, and I was on. I felt
like I had energy. It took me a while to get there. Im a little older so
I dont move as fast as I used to, but I was doing really good, I mean,
better than half the class. I own them. Now, its not an ego thing for
me. Im not looking to beat people, but I am looking for challenges
that are going to tell me whether or not I could survive in a street
fight situation. I need to know that, and I know when Im off my
stride. It can affect you psychologically. You cant be way off your
stride and expect to pull off a same night lay or a one night stand with
a woman. Sometimes it just doesnt happen for you, and thats okay.
Just know this is no different than any other day to accept, so you
want to really make sure that you are relaxed and cool and on.
Okay, there you go. So again, the three steps are to take care of the
date logistics, start out strong and warm and really be relaxed. Be
cool, calm and collected for the process.