What does Independence Day mean to you?

- By-Keshav Anand
On the 15th of August 2012, we'll gain our 'freedom' yet again, but till then we slog. The unfortunate clerk at Raisina Hill is busy making arrangements for the Prime Minister's ceremonial flag hoisting ceremony at Lal Qila, so is the Tehsildar's poor peon in Nagpur . The little kids in schools across the country are practising for their Independence Day celebrations and we journalists, for sure are working our behinds off on stories revolving around the fateful day. Talking of journalists, while the big shots toil on bigger news for the D-day, some of the interns positively have been given a humbler task. They'll be made to seek out politicians, socialites, cricketers, film stars and any celebrity and ask them a proverbial question -What does Independence Day mean to you? Though it might seem like an uncomplicated exercise to sharpen their journalistic

skills, it is a conscientious question that needs to be repeated each year. For example, last year independence for A Raja might have behind the bars, this year getting out of jail. In 2012 atleast freedom for Suresh Kalmadi. For few Maoists who will be freed from the jails in safely return of Ex Sukma Collector Alex Paul Menon, its freedom now with a free air despite a proclamation of Chhattisgarh Government of no compromise. But Independence Day is not only for Alisters. It also belongs to the man who runs a fast-food kiosk in my neighbourhood. This year for him it denotes, not having to pay hafta to the cops so that he can buy a scooter to go back home with the money saved. Maybe for some of my recently unfortunately married friends or some fortunately not married the day connotes the choice of not living under the fear of cops while kissing openly at Gandhi Uddhyan.

Definitely, for one of my old female colleagues, not having to see men peeing on roadsides top her list. To me it means not having to labour my life off. I need not die of exhaustion following a corrupt politician with a spy cam. On August 15, I'll clean up my backyard starting with small things I can change, write an article for the next issue of my magazine. Instead starting the day watching a repeat telecast of Richard Attenborough's Gandhi on Doordarshan or jingoism laced one on Zee Cinema or UTV Action, I will stand by my fast-food man with his mobile phone camera when the cops come calling. I'll guide my neighbour Mr. Gupta to the dustbin when he drops his "MacDonalds wrapper on the pavement. Give a helping hand to my ex- colleague when she is shouting at the dude peeing by the road. And yes give a lecturer to my BJ (Bachelor of Journalism) students on independence. Moreover I will dedicate half of the independence day in thinking what made Congress Government to promote failures

like Sushil Kumar Shinde to Home Minister, why the UPA is setting a trend in order to promote its biggest failures like Rahul Gandhi, to Prime Minister and Sushil Kumar Shinde to Home Minister . I believe that not only me but many of you must be thinking why this decision to promote the former Power Minister in the wake of Indias biggest power crisis. When Shinde was Power Minister, we had no power. Now he becomes Home Minister, then? Guess! If in case in future Sushil Kumar Shinde thinks of writing his biography, it can be named The Dark Night Riser. And introduction will start like An Incompetent Maharashtra CM, promoted as central Power MinisterIncompetent there, promoted to Home Minister. Mr. Shinde has been promoted despite his record as power minister in that case Rohit Sharma should be made captain of the Indian cricket team. Another ministers who will not let me do anything than of thinking is Uttar Pradesh CM Akhilesh Yadav and his uncle PWD minister Shivpal Yadav , after Akhilesh told

the media that his state was not to be blame for the power grid failure. Then who to blame dude! The people, who voted for you? Akhilesh Yadav asked shopkeepers to down shutter by 7 pm and stop using ACs during peak hours. Progressive CM makes Mayawati look good! Akhilesh Yadavs government must do more, and quickly, says father Mulayam. All in the family! Shivpal Yadav, PWD minister with the Samajwadi Party, said, and I quote As long as you work hard, you can steal a little, but dont behave like dacoits. The implications here being that as long as said officers deliver services to people, its okay for them to make a little cheddar (or if theyre Masterchef fans, emmenthal with garlic) on the side. The caveat being, dont behave like a dacoit which makes sense because how can you take a guy in a cave with a shawl covering his face seriously when asking for a water connection? But then an even weirder thing happened. The media reacted with outrage, calling for

his head. Watching this outpouring of anger online and on TV taught me two things; 1) Nobody in the media has ever had to apply for a gas, water, or phone connection. 2) If Fido Dido were old, jaded, and Punjabi he would look like Prabhu Chawala. Does our media live under a rock? Or did everyone in it suddenly realise they finally had an opportunity to use that awesome-butso-far-useless idealism they paid so much for (try our latest design, we call it Poseur Jhola) at journalism school? What Shivpal Yadav said isnt outrageous, its realpolitik. Im now going to say something thatd make Team Anna choke on their food, so its probably a good thing they dont eat any. Consider, for a second, if Shivpal Yadav is right; What if corruption is awesome? I should point out, before I go any further, that I know as much about economics as Navjot Singh Sidhu does about poetry. So this is the view from my chair, thats all. But from this chair, it looks like corruption in India is like marijuana; everyones doing it, nobody wants to say it, and maybe

legalisation IS the answer. It isnt an external virus attacking the system that is our economy; it was built into the source code. Ripping it out blindly would be akin to ripping three legs off a table. If youre going to do that, youd better have another way of holding the damn thing up. If you grind your teeth at the thought of paying off everyone from your gas guy to the cop that stopped you from jumping a light, consider how much more annoying those systems would be without corruption. Imagine standing in line for six hours when you could be at a movie or showing up in court when youre supposed to be at work. Corruption keeps systems lubricated. After her two hour commute to a dead-end job that pays nothing, maybe the lady that sorted your passport out in two days instead of weeks needs the extra cash you slipped her just to stop from taking an axe to her coworkers heads. And why shouldnt you pay a little convenience charge to the cop that lets your bar stay open until 2 am? He probably has to work until 11. And thats p.m, the next day.

In India, corruptions a philosophy, not a crime. I love the word we use for it. Baksheesh. As a word, its so much more romantic than ugly words like kickback, or bribe, or moist. Baksheesh implies that your payment is a gift, an expression of appreciation at the fast-lane your tasks been put in. Its an acknowledgement of the fact that someones making your life easier for you, and youre helping them out with a surrogate financial reward they probably deserved in the first place from whoever they work for. The truth of it is in Mr Yadavs second line. Dont be like dacoits. What if weve just gotten to a point where were executing corruption wrong? The problem isnt that we are corrupt; the problem is that we are greedy. Corruption works if you take five thousand rupees, but then get a gasconnection to me. It doesnt work if you eat a thousand crores but then deliver nothing but potholes to the people. You are supposed to run a gravy train. But our government runs a railway network. Corruption only works if I walk away from the transaction in the same way I walk away from a meal at a five-star

hotel; I know I paid too much, but service and quality were so good, I can rationalise it. Of course, Mr Yadav works as a Public Works minister in Uttar Pradesh, a combination of designations that is second in sinister-ness only to son of Satan and Hitler, so its entirely possible that his definition of earning a little is nine million crores. But what if we could get corruption to work for us? What if corruption IS awesome? What if Fido Dido DID get old and jaded?

What makes us special our individuality! Happy Independence Day anyways!