Transformational Pastoral Leadership Ushering in Lasting Growth and Maturity Tim Gregory All Chapter
Transformational Pastoral Leadership Ushering in Lasting Growth and Maturity Tim Gregory All Chapter
Transformational Pastoral Leadership Ushering in Lasting Growth and Maturity Tim Gregory All Chapter
Transformational
Pastoral Leadership
Ushering in Lasting Growth and Maturity
Tim Gregory
Santa Fe, TX, USA
© The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s), under exclusive licence to Springer
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Contents
1 A
Case for Transformational Leadership: Leading to
Bring Change 1
Leading Toward Transformation 2
The Problem 3
Leadership 5
Discipleship 6
Influence 7
Transformational Leadership 8
The Purpose of This Book 12
The Significance of This Book 14
Bibliography 15
2 L
etter to the Philippians: Paul’s Blueprint 23
Paul’s Authority to Speak on Pastoral Leadership 24
Setting the Scene: Leaders and Laity 25
Expected Spiritual Growth: A Life of Transformation 25
Living Sacrificially: Transformed by a Relationship with Christ 28
Shining Like Stars: Continued Transformation 29
Comparison of Christ-Hymn and Isaiah’s Servant Song 30
Moving Forward: Reaching for New Heights 36
Renewed Thinking: The Doorway to Transformation 40
Virtues Described 41
Transformed Living: Touches the Pocketbook 43
v
vi Contents
3 G
odly Examples: Shining a Light for Others to See 51
Paulinian Examples 52
The Effects of Modeled Behavior 54
The Call to Local Pastoral Leaders 56
Bibliography 59
4 P
ersonal Attention: Attending to the Needs of the
Individual 61
Paulinian Examples 62
The Effects of Personal Attention 64
Call to Local Pastors 66
Bibliography 68
5 A
uthentic Behavior: Saying What You Mean and Meaning
What You Say 71
Paulinian Examples 72
The Effects of Authentic Behavior 73
The Call to Local Pastoral Leaders 75
Bibliography 78
6 G
ospel Infusion: Making the Main Thing the Main Thing 79
Paulinian Examples 80
The Effects of Gospel Infusion 82
The Call to Local Pastoral Leaders 84
Bibliography 86
7 C
orrective Teaching: Approaching the Scriptures
Responsibly and Ethically 87
Paulinian Examples 88
The Effects of Corrective Teaching 90
The Call to Local Pastoral Leaders 91
Bibliography 94
Contents vii
8 C
larity of Vision: Creating an Image for Members to
Embrace 95
Paulinian Example 96
The Effects of Clarity of Vision 98
The Call to Local Pastoral Leaders 100
Bibliography 102
9 H
umility: An Attitude for Success103
Paulinian Example 104
The Effects of Humility 105
The Call to Local Pastors 107
Bibliography 110
10 S
acrifice: Living Selflessly113
Paulinian Example 114
The Effects of Sacrifice 116
The Call to Local Pastors 118
Bibliography 120
11 L
ooking to Christ: The Pastor’s Strong Tower123
Paulinian Examples 124
The Effects of Looking to Christ 126
The Call to Local Pastors 128
Bibliography 130
12 A
Model for Transformational Pastoral Leadership:
Bringing It All Together133
Transformation Requires a New Mindset 133
Transformation Never Ends 135
Transformation Has a Purpose 136
Transformation Requires Inspiration 136
Transformation Does Not Fear Evaluation 137
Transformation for the Mission of Christ 138
A New Model 140
Bibliography 141
viii Contents
13 E
ternal Perspective: Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize143
Bibliography 149
14 G
reat Commission Driven: Keeping the Mission at the
Forefront151
Bibliography 157
15 H
umbly Sacrificial: Surrendering to the Will of God159
Bibliography 165
16 P
ersonal Involvement: Developing and Maintaining
Relationships167
Bibliography 172
17 S
criptural Evaluation: Systematic Examination of God’s
Word173
Bibliography 179
18 C
hrist Dependency: Leaning on the Lord181
Bibliography 187
19 C
ontinuum of Transformation: An Ongoing Process189
Continuum of Transformation 190
Transformational Pastoral Leadership Behaviors as a Moderator 191
Emerging Transformational Follower Behavior 193
Bibliography195
Index209
CHAPTER 1
God” (Phil. 1:9–10). Comfort (2017) points out that the completion of
the good work of which Paul wrote highlights the will of God to see all
believers transformed into the image of His Son, so that they may com-
plete the works He has prepared for them to do. Melick (1991) sees Paul’s
prayer as indicating his desire for the saints in Philippi to grow, continuing
to develop in their Christian character, living transformed lives that would
allow them to live to the fullest of God’s redemptive purpose for them.
Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi highlights several reasons for the
believer to experience ongoing transformation and how that transforma-
tion should look in order for them to fulfill the mission Christ gave to His
Church to share the gospel and make disciples of all people groups
(Ware, 2011).
The followers of Christ must experience a transformation that brings
them to a new way of living and perceiving the world they are a part of, if
they are going to be successful in completing the mission Jesus entrusted
to His Church (Engen, 1991). This transformation will require pastoral
leadership that transcends a mere transactional relationship between pas-
tors and congregants; it will require leadership that is able to deliberately,
and even systematically, usher in transformation under the power of the
Holy Spirit (Metcalf, 2015). Therefore, a model of transformational pas-
toral leadership is needed and can provide a guide to help local pastors to
lead their churches in a manner that brings about lasting change within
the hearts of their congregational members, so that in turn they may also
efficiently and confidently lead those congregational members in the work
of the Great Commission.
The Problem
The Barna Group (2017a) published a study in which they examined the
phenomenon of individuals who claimed to have Christian values and self-
identified as a Christian, but no longer attended church. For many of these
individuals the church was seen as outdated and out of touch with the
world. These people who had left their local church, but claimed to still
love Jesus, felt there was no reason for them to attend a church service.
Olson (2008) notes the fluctuation in weekly church attendance and
believes local churches have the ability to create an atmosphere in their
services that promotes the value of being there, which can create a desire
within congregants to attend Sunday morning service on a regular basis.
Hirschle (2010) examined the relationship between economic success and
4 T. GREGORY
Leadership
Drane (2000) points out that many pastors are competing with one
another over numbers, judging their own success, and being judged by
others, on the number of attendees they are able to gather in a service,
causing many pastors to lead their churches in a manner aimed at simply
attracting new people rather than making disciples. Clarke (2008) notes
that throughout Paul’s letters to the churches, the concept of leadership is
always connected to the mission of the church as Paul understood it: to
reach the world with the gospel message and then to make disciples of
those who had embraced the message. Local pastors must understand the
mission of the church and how to draw the congregations they pastor into
a profound engagement with the world for the sake of their Lord and the
advancement of the gospel message (Britton, 2009). The authority Paul
possessed as a leader of the church was wielded in a manner that looked to
advance the mission of Christ, as he established new churches and helped
converts to set off in a new way of living; Paul understood the pastoral role
as one of helping the church to advance the gospel (Carson, 2005). Paul,
as a leader, set the example of how his followers should live their lives for
the furtherance of the Gospel and gave them a pattern to imitate to ensure
they were able to fulfill the mission of Christ (Johnson, 2004).
Pastoral leaders need to understand their biblical role in mobilizing and
equipping their congregations to advance the gospel message (Witmer &
Ferguson 2010). When local pastors lose sight of the mission to reach the
world, they become absorbed with only growing and changing the church
they pastor, failing to lead their members on a transformational journey
that enables and releases them to bring the gospel message to those
trapped in darkness (Cole, 2010). Pastors need to understand their respon-
sibility to create a missionary culture within the churches they lead that
empowers members to go out and reach their communities with the gos-
pel of Christ (Elkington, 2013). When pastors fail to understand the task
they have been called to, depression and anxiety can set in, causing them
to leave the ministry and seek employment in some secular industry
(Elkington, 2013). Local pastoral leaders, who understand their role as a
leader of God’s people and the purpose of the Church of Jesus Christ
upon this earth, will be diligent to equip the saints of God to fulfill their
6 T. GREGORY
purpose in the Great Commission (Nichols, 2007; Cole, 2010). They will
set the course of the church they pastor to be a missional force in their
local community and throughout the earth, crafting a shared vision that
helps to bring transformation to their congregational members
(Nichols, 2007).
Discipleship
Research has shown that pastors overwhelmingly understand the Great
Commission to involve the total transformation of individuals who choose
to follow Christ, that it goes beyond the sharing of the gospel to making
disciples of those who embrace the message of Christ (Stone & Mettes,
2018). Unfortunately, research also shows that over half of all pastors view
themselves as having little influence, living in a state of depression where
they are unable to help the followers of Christ to transform into the new
creation they are called to live as (Barna, 2017b). The work of the Great
Commission goes beyond the preaching of the gospel for the making of
saved individuals, to the making of disciples who have received the gospel
message and are trained in the teachings of Christ in a manner that helps
to produce transformation in their lives (Hertig, 2001). Reken (1997)
notes the local church should not write down just any mission statement
that it feels comfortable with, and the pastor of the local church should be
cautious of the vision they are casting; both pastors and other leaders in
the church should take steps to ensure the mission and vision of the local
church fall in line with the Great Commission assigned by Christ to His
followers. When local churches fail to heed the Great Commission, mak-
ing disciples of fresh converts, these individuals fail to experience the true
transformation God intended for them to have in the new life He created
for them, which causes them to continue to live according to the standards
of the world they have just come out of (Beard, 2015).
The spiritual development of new believers may often go neglected by
the leadership of the local church, causing these converts to continue in
their old way of life, failing to experience the new life God desires for them
to live (Kreminski, 2015). Pastors and leaders of the local church must
purposely address the spiritual growth of new believers to help them in the
transformational process that needs to take place in order for these Christ
followers to live lives that are reflective of their Savior upon the world
(Ortberg, 2014). The spiritual formation, or lack thereof, aimed at the
Christ follower speaks directly to the transformation that will take place in
1 A CASE FOR TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP: LEADING TO BRING… 7
their lives or the spiritual infancy they will find themselves stuck in
(Åkerlund, 2016). The purposeful spiritual development of new believers
will help to equip them to fulfill their God-given role in the Great
Commission and to ensure they are able to become a productive part of
the local church (Issler, 2010). The Apostle Paul exhorted the believers in
Philippi to live lives worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that they may be
able to strive together as one for the advancement of that gospel (Phil.
1:27). Paul expected the believers in Philippi to be prepared to move for-
ward with the work of the gospel, which required that they continue to
grow in their faith, developing spiritually (Witherington, 2011). The spiri-
tual development of new believers cannot be overlooked or discarded if
they are going to become productive parts of the local faith community.
Influence
The local church, as a part of the global Church stretched throughout
time, serves as a representation of God to the world and as such is to influ-
ence the world in a manner that is reflective of the values and beliefs that
are recorded in the Scriptures (Hanson, 1985). Although the local church
should be making an impact on the cultural values of the community it
exists within, research has shown a steady increase in the number of
American cities that can be identified as post-Christian—having once dis-
played certain Christian values, but now having discarded those values
(Barna, 2019). In the increasing number of cities that are becoming post-
Christian, the lack of influence asserted by local church bodies can be testi-
fied to. Boehme (2013) reports on the growing number of millennials
who profess to be Christians and practice daily prayer but have departed
from many of the traditional and foundational Christian values held by
previous generations. Recent research shows that only 11% of teenagers
around the world believe the Bible is the inspired word of God without
errors (Barna, 2022a). Homan et al. (2017) report on the increasing
problem of poverty in America and how despite being one of the wealthi-
est nations in the world still host one of the highest rates of poverty among
Western nations. The church in America doesn’t seem to be bringing relief
or deliverance to the poor of this nation; the influence of the local church
is not being felt on poverty as it should.
The world is filled with poverty, disease, and those who go to bed each
night with no hope; the local church has the answer to their problems and
should be diligent to exert its influence in a manner that helps their
8 T. GREGORY
Transformational Leadership
Transformational leadership is an effective vehicle for leaders to use in
bringing change and restructuring to the organizations they lead, even
aiding them in prompting and inspiring cultural change (Abbasi &
Zamani, 2013). Organizational leaders who practice transformational
leadership have the ability to influence those they lead by the powerful and
emotional language they employ, which motivates others to respond to
such leaders in ways that help to accomplish the goals and mission of the
organization (Amernic et al., 2007). Andersen et al. (2018) performed a
qualitative multilevel study of transformational leadership and perceived
professional quality; they found that transformational leadership creates an
atmosphere of shared understanding of professional quality, which was
1 A CASE FOR TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP: LEADING TO BRING… 9
founded upon their character and not positional power. Satyaputra (2017)
in a study of Indonesian evangelical pastors who were known to practice
transformational leadership found that they had only a small effect on the
willingness of congregational members to embrace the idea of change and
actively participate in it, with the pastor’s ability to impart a shared vision
unto congregational members being the most influential factor in their
willingness to commit to change in the church.
Transformational leadership practices can play a significant role in the
success of a senior pastor and have a direct effect on the willingness of
subordinates who are in leadership positions in the church to remain with
the church and under the guidance of the senior pastor (Smith, 2013).
Vardaman (2013) looked at the effect of Protestant pastors’ ability to lead
change within their churches and found that the pastors who practiced
transformational leadership were better suited and more effective at lead-
ing change than pastors who practiced transactional leadership. Varnado
(2018) conducted a study on pastors who practiced transformational lead-
ership, examining the effectiveness of those who had planted a church
versus those who had been called to a church that had previously been
established. He found there was no significant difference between the two
in their ability to lead spiritual development; he also found indicators that
inspirational motivation, idealized influence, and intellectual stimulation
had some effect on the pastor’s ability to help their congregational mem-
bers to grow and mature spiritually. Pastors who are not transformative in
their leadership practices will have a difficult time helping their congrega-
tional members to experience the transformation the Scriptures call for,
and their parishioners will fail to live out their new life in Christ Jesus as a
productive part of a faith family helping to advance the kingdom of their
God as they are called to do (Bray, 1991).
The local pastor is to play the role of leader, teacher, counselor, and
even manager to a degree, so that the church and its members may grow
and become productive members in the spread of the gospel and the
advancement of God’s kingdom. The pastor of the local church has both
a great and difficult responsibility in leading the members of the congrega-
tion in experiencing the life-changing transformation that God has called
them to. Transformational leadership theory provides a basis for initiating
change on an organizational level, and the local church is certainly an
organization. Pastors who are transformational in their leadership prac-
tices will find themselves more effective and proficient at leading their
congregational members in experiencing the new life Christ has prepared
12 T. GREGORY
for them, so that they may become a productive part of the local church’s
efforts to advance the gospel and make disciples of all people groups, than
those who are merely transactional in their leadership practices.
to the spotlight. Paul highlights how the Philippians had been engaged in
a life that helped to advance the gospel and how their transformational
experience was to continue to evolve, creating an image for the local
church to strive for today. The local pastor is not simply called to meet the
personal needs and demands of their congregation and be content with
keeping the status quo. Pastoral leadership should be transformational in
nature, helping congregational members to step into the new life God has
prepared for them—a life they could easily be unaware of. Academic
research has the potential to help local pastors lead in a transformational
manner. A model supported by scientific analysis and research can serve as
a valuable tool to equip and prepare local church pastors to fulfill their
calling in a productive way that brings transformation to their congrega-
tions. Through Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi a model for transfor-
mational pastoral leadership can be identified, a model that will help
pastoral leaders of the local church to usher in lasting biblical transforma-
tion that will cause their congregational members to be a force in their
communities and throughout the world for the advancement of the gospel
message and the making of disciples from all people groups around
the world.
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1 A CASE FOR TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP: LEADING TO BRING… 21
Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi serves as a source for some of the most
beloved quotes in the Bible, yet not only does it serve as a source for beloved
quotes but also as a blueprint for pastoral leadership, a blueprint that pres-
ent-day pastors can follow to help usher in transformation for the members
of their congregations. In the Book of Philippians, the Apostle Paul can
clearly be seen encouraging the Philippian believers toward the idea of trans-
formed living, engaging in a lifestyle that was distinctly different from the
lives they had once believed to be acceptable, a lifestyle that would lead
them in successfully accomplishing the work Christ had called them to (Phil.
1:6, 27; 2:5, 13; 3:17, 19). Paul believed that God had begun a good work
in the lives of the believers in Philippi, a work that was bringing transforma-
tion to them, and the apostle felt confident that God would continue that
transformational process (Phil. 1:9–10). The completion of the good work
of which Paul writes, highlights the will of God to see all believers trans-
formed into the image of His Son, so that they may complete the works He
has prepared for them to do (Comfort, 2008). Melick (1991) sees Paul’s
prayer as indicating his desire for the saints in Philippi to grow and continue
to develop in their Christian character, living transformed lives that would
allow them to live to the fullest of God’s redemptive purpose for them.
Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi highlights several reasons for the
believer to experience ongoing transformation and how that transformation
should look, so that they may fulfill the work of sharing the gospel and mak-
ing disciples of all people groups (Ware, 2011).
In Galatians 1 Paul claims the title for himself in the narrow sense. He rec-
ognizes that there were those who were apostles before him (1:17), but he
does not see himself as subordinate to the original apostles. If the original
apostles had been the source of his commission or the agents of his commis-
sion (as the false teachers in the Galatian church were probably suggesting),
then he would have been subordinate to them. But his authority was not
derived from a human source or even through a human agency; his author-
ity was directly given to him by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised
him from the dead. (p. 32)
Paul turns the Philippians’ attention to the work of God in their lives
when he says, “I am confident of this, that the one who began a good
work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ”
26 T. GREGORY
(Phil. 1:6). God is the one who had begun the good work of salvation in
their lives, He had set them in partnership with Paul to advance the gospel
so other may partake of the same salvation, and God would be the one
continuing to work in the Philippians to strengthen and equip them to
carry out the mission of the Church at large to advance the gospel (Hansen,
2009). The work of salvation is truly a work of God from beginning to
end, even as that work continues through His followers it is still depen-
dent on His power, and this truth was one Paul was attempting to com-
municate to the church in Philippi (Silva, 2005). Paul’s statement about
God continuing the good work and bringing it to completion is directly
linked to his comments on koinōnia (sharing) in verse 5, to try and sepa-
rate the two verses would cause an error in interpreting their meaning
(Hansen, 2009; Silva, 2005). In speaking of the good work that God had
begun in the Philippians, Fee (1999) points out that Paul’s statement
speaks of God creating a people to represent Him in Philippi and acts as a
precursor to set the scene for Paul’s words in Philippians 2:12–13 where
the apostle urges the believers to continue to work out their common
salvation in the way they live and work together as God’s people in Philippi,
for God was working in them to accomplish His will in a way that was
pleasing to Him. Paul’s concern is with the church’s willingness and ability
to live out the gospel in the face of persecution and opposition in a manner
that served to advance the gospel message (Fee, 1999; Hansen, 2009;
Silva, 2005).
Paul’s statement in verse 6 also speaks to the continued process of
transformation that the Lord would be working in them, which was an
ongoing transformation that was necessary for the Philippian believers to
live as people who were a reflective image of God’s saving grace (Comfort,
2008). The sanctification process, by which God continues to work in
each believer today, is an ongoing process, one the Apostle Paul points out
will continue until the Day of Christ; the Philippians’ journey of transfor-
mation and spiritual maturity would be an ongoing one (Melick, 1991). It
was God’s responsibility to transform each believer in Philippi (and
throughout time) into the image of His Son (as Paul declared in Romans
8:28–30), but it was the responsibility of the believers in Philippi (as it is
for believers today) to cooperate with the efforts of God to bring this
transformation into their lives (Comfort, 2008). Spiritual transformation
is a lifelong process that begins at the moment of salvation and continues
in the life of each believer as God transforms them into the image of Jesus
Christ, where they share in His suffering and resurrection, as they live
2 LETTER TO THE PHILIPPIANS: PAUL’S BLUEPRINT 27
their lives out in a manner that serves to advance the gospel message
(Comfort, 2008; Hansen, 2009; Melick, 1991; Fee, 1999).
In verses 7–8 of the first chapter, the Apostle Paul uses language that
serves to create a special group and identity, to which the Philippians and
himself both belong, a group that shares in the grace of God (Witherington,
2011). Fee (1999) makes an important observation concerning the phrase
all of you share in God’s grace with me, pointing out that the question must
be answered to which grace is Paul referring. Some scholars see this phrase
as speaking of the saving grace of God that Paul and the Philippians shared
(Fee, 1999; Silva, 2005). Silva (2005) understands Paul to use the word
charis (grace) to speak of something beyond the saving grace of God, saying:
Fee (1999) and Silva (2005) both believe that charis as Paul uses it
refers to the Philippians and Paul being partnered together in grace that
defends and promotes the gospel in the face of persecution. Thielman
(2009) also sees Paul’s use of the word charis to go beyond simply sharing
in the saving grace of God to actual participation in the spread of the gos-
pel with the apostle. Because charis follows Paul’s use of koinōnia,
Thielman (2009) understands grace to be directly linked with the concept
of partnership, which binds the believers in Philippi to the Apostle Paul in
his efforts to advance the gospel. Reumann (2008) points out that Paul’s
use of the phrase sygkoinōnos (sharing) points to the co-responsibility the
Philippians shared with Paul in the spread of the gospel. This unique rela-
tionship served to create a special bond between the church in Philippi
and the Apostle Paul, making them part of a unique people group that
shared a similar mission (Fee, 1999; Silva, 2005; Reumann, 2008).
Paul declares the affection he has for the church in Philippi, which
seems inspired by the affection they hold for him, which the apostle finds
28 T. GREGORY
demonstrated in the way they have stood with him in his efforts to spread
the gospel (Hansen, 2009). The Philippian believers had faced persecu-
tion of their own but had not fallen back from their defense of the gospel,
and like their mentor Paul who first brought the gospel to them, they
continue to hold firm to its truths (Silva, 2005). God’s grace had brought
the Philippians and Paul together and continued to support their relation-
ship in the work of advancing the gospel (Hansen, 2009). The Philippians
did not allow their support for Paul and his mission to waver in the face of
his imprisonment, but continued to stand with the apostle, taking his
imprisonment as theirs also (Melick, 1991).
The people of Philippi took due pride in their having been made a Roman
colony by Caesar Augustus, which brought the privileges and prestige of
Roman citizenship. Paul now urges them to live out their citizenship (con-
duct yourselves) in a manner—and the sentence begins with these emphatic
words—worthy of the gospel of Christ. (p. 77)
Paul holds the belief that the heavenly Christ and His message have
already invaded the earth he now lives on and has made it possible for
himself and the Philippians to embrace a new form of citizenship that has
been given by God (Witherington, 2011). This citizenship has not elimi-
nated our earthly citizenship, but it has overshadowed it by bringing the
followers of Christ to a point where they must reevaluate their under-
standing of reality and the things they hold most dear (Ware, 2011;
Witherington, 2011).
To live worthy lives Paul tells the church in Philippi they will need to
“be united in one spirit, striving side by side with one mind for the faith of
2 LETTER TO THE PHILIPPIANS: PAUL’S BLUEPRINT 29
the gospel” (Phil. 1:27). Paul creates an image of an athletic event when
he tells the Philippians to strive side by side, which metaphorically could
point to spiritual warfare fare and the need for the believers to work in
unity under the power of the Holy Spirit in their efforts to advance the
gospel (Kurek-Chomycz, 2017; Fee, 1999). Fee (1999) says:
They are urged thus to stand firm in/by the one Spirit so as to contend
together as one person for the faith of the gospel. Here we are at the heart
of things: their need to have harmony within the Christian community as
they live out the gospel in Philippi. The gospel is the beginning and end of
everything for Paul. Thus, for them to live out their (heavenly) citizenship
in a manner worthy of the gospel means for them to contend for the faith of
the gospel, and to do so in the unity that only the Spirit brings. All the more
so now because they are facing some kind of opposition that is resulting in
suffering. (p. 78)
The Philippian believers were to carry out their duty under the power
of the Holy Spirit that had united them in purpose and identity
(Witherington, 2011).
Paul’s exhortation for the believer in Philippi to suffer for Christ was to
be seen as a privilege and was to be expected as part of their new identity,
pointing out to them how this was a truth in his own life; Paul’s suffering
was also part of the example he gave them to follow (Ware, 2011).
Suffering for Christ does not mean headaches and heartaches that all of
humanity must endure, but rather identifying with Christ and His mis-
sion, striving to see that mission completed in a world that is hostile
toward Christ (Hansen, 2009). Harmon (2015) points out that the
believer establishes their identity in Christ through faith, but demonstrates
it through their behavior, both in actions and in words. The Philippians
were to have a clear understanding of their connection with Christ and the
responsibility and privilege that came with their new identity (Ware, 2011;
Hansen, 2009).
Lord had done (Phil. 2:1–11; Comfort, 2008). As citizens of heaven, the
Philippian believers were part of a special group whose leader had set a
pattern of life to guide them, a pattern the Apostle Paul presented to the
church in Philippi by way of the Christ-hymn (Snyman, 2005; Ware,
2011). The Christ-hymn has produced no small number of contrasting
opinions on its origin, purpose, and authorship (Collins, 2003; Reumann,
2008; Silva, 2005). Scholars have noted that the hymn is composed of
language and grammar that appears to be unlike any of the other Pauline
writings, which has led many of them to conclude that Paul perhaps bor-
rowed it from existing literature or perhaps it was even added at another
date (Justnes, 2012; Reumann, 2008; Martin & Nash, 2015). Ware
(2011) and Witherington (2011) present what seems to be the most plau-
sible explanation for the hymn when they assert the idea that the hymn
was based on the fourth Servant Song found in Isaiah 52:13–53:12. A
comparison of the servant in Isaiah and Christ in Philippians produces a
staggering number of similarities (McKenzie, 1968; Witherington, 2011;
Ware, 2011). In the Christ-hymn Paul gives a conscious interpretation of
the fourth Servant Song in Isaiah to the Philippian church (Ware, 2011).
The following table compares the Servant in Isaiah to the Servant Christ
in the hymn.
2:6 form of God; 2:7 form of a servant 52:14 his form beyond that of mortals;
53:2 no form
2:7 born in human likeness & being found 52:14 beyond human semblance & beyond
in human form that of mortals
2:7 form of a servant 52:13 my servant
2:7 he emptied himself 53:12 he emptied out his soul unto death
2:8 he humbled himself 53:7 he was brought low
2:8 unto death 53:12 unto death
2:9 he highly exalted him 52:13 he shall be exalted and lifted up,
and shall be very high
It can clearly be seen there are significant parallels between the Christ-
hymn in Philippians and the Servant Song in Isaiah, but it is also clear that
the two are not identical. The differences could be explained as a
2 LETTER TO THE PHILIPPIANS: PAUL’S BLUEPRINT 31
faced for their chosen attitude. Silva (2005) points out that the noun gog-
gysmos corresponds to the Hebrew noun telnāh, ̌ which brings the associa-
tion of Philippians 2:14 together with verses such as Exodus 15:24 and
Exodus 16:2. Paul makes a direct reference to the murmuring of the
Israelites in his writings to the church in Corinth, saying, “And do not
complain as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer. These
things happened to them to serve as an example, and they were written
down to instruct us, on whom the ends of the ages have come” (1
Corinthians 10:10–11). Hansen (2009) notes that like the Israelites when
traveling through the wilderness, the Philippian believers were suffering—
a privilege granted to them by God. Paul views the goggysmos as a serious
problem that could hinder the Philippians as it did the Israelites and looks
to put an end to it so that they may work in unity toward the mission of
advancing the gospel (Hansen, 2009).
Paul is concerned with the behavior of the Philippians and how those
outside the church may view them, realizing that any goggysmos would
keep them from appearing blameless to others (Fee, 1999; Silva, 2005).
Both Fee (1999) and Silva (2005) agree again that Paul is making a refer-
ence to Deuteronomy 32:5 when describing the pagan culture of Philippi,
calling it a crooked and perverse generation, in which the believers must live
and operate in. Silva (2005) notes that the complaining the children of
Israel did in the wilderness was against God, but it was also directed
toward God’s chosen leader Moses; likewise, it is probable that whatever
complaining may have been going on in Philippi was directed at the lead-
ership and therefore Paul uses the reference to Deuteronomy 32:5 to
point out to the Philippian believers that they are really complaining
against God when they murmur against the leadership of His Church.
Murmuring and arguing would serve only to cause division between the
leadership of the church and the believer therein, as well as driving a wedge
between individual believers, keeping them from their mission to advance
the gospel, so Paul sees the need to put an end to it as quickly as possible
(Hansen, 2009).
In verse 15 of chapter 2, when Paul tells the believers in Philippi to
shine like stars in the world, he appears to be making a direct reference to
the final apocalyptic vision of Daniel (Fee, 1999; Hansen, 2009; Ware,
2011; Harmon, 2015). “Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness
of the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars forever
and ever” (Daniel 12:3). Harmon (2015) says:
2 LETTER TO THE PHILIPPIANS: PAUL’S BLUEPRINT 33
The fear on man has greater force with us then hell, and the future torments.
For this case, in truth, all things are turned upside down; for political affairs
are daily accomplished with much earnestness, and one must not be left
behind, whilst of spiritual things there is no account taken at all; but the
things which are demanded of us of necessity, and with compulsion, as
though we were slaves, and against our will, are laid down by us with much
readiness, while such as are asked from willing minds, and as if from free
men, are again deficient. (p. 226)
and the world they live in, for the right way of thinking will lead to the
right way of behaving (Comfort, 2008). Paul strongly promotes the idea
of unity to the church in Philippi, as he calls the believers there to join in
imitating him, appealing to them to stay united with him in his relentless
pursuit of Christ (Hansen, 2009). Harmon (2015) says:
Paul desired the church to use his life as a pattern to model their own
after, which is not a statement of arrogance by the apostle but rather a lov-
ing gesture offered by a father to his children or even as a coach to his
players or team captain to his fellow athletes (Comfort, 2008). Paul
wanted to ensure that those he loved, led, and labored with would con-
tinue on the right path toward Christ and the fulfillment of the mission to
advance the gospel (Harmon, 2015; Hansen, 2009). Chrysostom (1979)
points out that Paul and the rest of the apostle served as an archetype and
example, for what they wrote down in their letters they lived out in their
action, making for the best manner of teaching and raising up disciples to
carry on the mission of Christ.
The fact that they are not merely Roman citizens but citizens of heaven
predicates Paul’s argument that the Philippians should imitate him in his
thinking and behavior (Hansen, 2009; Fee, 1999; Harmon, 2015). Paul
seeks to motivate the Philippians to imitate him by making a comparison
of those who are earthly minded and headed for destruction and the
Philippians who are citizens of heaven, who look for the triumphant return
of their Lord Jesus Christ and the day when He will transform their bodies
by His mighty power (Hansen, 2009). Chrysostom (1979) says, “For we
are citizens of heaven, where there is no turning. Prizes which change not
are held out to us. Let us make manifest this our citizenship, let us thence
already receive our good things” (p. 242). Paul was calling the Philippians
to live out their lives as citizens of God’s kingdom, in the Roman world
they currently lived in, in a manner that was worthy of the gospel; thus,
Paul’s call for the church to join in imitating him (Harmon, 2015).
In chapter 3, Paul uses the metaphor of competing in a race to illustrate
his attitude toward Christ and the mission bestowed upon him. Paul says:
38 T. GREGORY
Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I
press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I
do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I
press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ
Jesus. (Phil. 3:12–14)
§2
The first leaves of autumn were beginning to fall when Catherine
returned to Bockley after a fortnight at Hastings. Day after day of
glorious September weather had covered her cheeks and arms and
hands with freckles: her hair, too, was fluffed and shining with
continual sea-bathing: her general appearance was rather wild and
undomesticated for such a place as Bockley. She returned on
Saturday night, and Sunday found her waiting outside the Baptist
Church at Upton Rising. Evening service was over at eight o’clock,
and she judged that Helen would be there.
Helen greeted her at the church door.
“Only you?” said Catherine.
Helen nodded. “The others went for a walk.... It’s a fine night—
let’s take a tram to the Forest.”
The trams of the London County Council ran along the end of the
road. They boarded one; it was full, and they had to stand on the top.
“You look well,” remarked Helen.
“Oh, I’m all right,” replied Catherine, and the conversation
languished.
What ensued after that would always in Catherine’s mind be
inextricably bound up with the sway and purr of trams along the high
road.
“George has gone away,” remarked Helen, à propos of nothing.
“Oh?”
“His firm’s given him a job in Manchester. A good opening, it
seems.... I got a letter from him yesterday. He enclosed a note for
you: I suppose he didn’t know your address.... I believe I’ve got it on
me....”
She fished in her hand-bag and extracted an envelope, from
which she took a folded half-sheet of paper and handed the latter to
Catherine.
It was rapidly getting dusk, but the lights in the tram were not yet
lit. On every alternate tramway standard hung an arc lamp, and
these were now fizzing and spluttering into pale brilliance. Catherine
read the note (it was roughly written in copying pencil) in quick
spasms as the car swirled along.
my dear cathie,
As you will perceive, I have got shifted to Manchester, where I
shall no longer have the pleasure of your delightful society, which, as
you will not doubt, is a great loss to me personally. However, I am
likely to enjoy my stay here: there are some splendid girls working in
the same office with me, though none of them has your own
Inimitable red hair. If there is one thing I regret it is that the before-
mentioned red hair has occasionally led me to say things I did not
mean and to do things I did not mean to do. I am sure that you, with
your wonderful capacity for understanding, will grasp what I am
trying to sketch out. We have had some interesting discussions
together during the last few months, and for these at least (not to
mention the spiritual inspiration given me by the passionate flame of
your hair) I am deeply grateful.
I hope you will always believe me to be what I am, viz., your
sincere admirer,
george trant.
P.S.—My lodgings are not permanent, so there would be little
point in enclosing my address.
Catherine was slow to grasp the full meaning of the note. As it
dawned upon her her lips tightened, and she gripped fiercely the rail
against which she was leaning. The tram lurched to a standstill, and
there was the usual scramble to get down the stairs. “High Wood,”
the conductor called out.
“Come on,” said Helen, and they descended.
In the Forest glades the night air was cool and sweet. For some
distance they walked on in silence. Catherine was the first to speak.
They had reached a clearing, and under the open sky the daylight
still lingered.
“I daresay you’d like to read it,” said Catherine. She held out the
note at arm’s length.
Helen gave a queer ejaculatory laugh.
“I’ve already done so,” she said.
“What?”
“Oh, I know it’s not quite the thing to read other people’s letters....
But I wanted to know what ... what he would say to you, and I
thought perhaps you wouldn’t show me.”
Catherine crumpled up the note and put it in her pocket.
“Well, you know, anyway,” she said gloomily.
They passed again into the cool Forest glades.
“I was right,” said Helen, quietly. “I knew he’d write you something
like that. He’s good at that kind of letter-writing ... sort of cheap
cleverness he excels at I’d half a mind not to let you see it.”
There came a long pause. They had reached the high road to
Chingford before it was broken.
Catherine suddenly took the crumpled letter from her pocket, and
began tearing it up into minute fragments.
“See,” she cried passionately, “you can tell him this is what I did
with his letter I You can tell him there’s better fellows in the world
than he is, and Cathie Weston isn’t going to break her heart over
him! ... Tell him I’m not a soppy little schoolgirl.”
She flung the pieces on the ground, and began stamping on
them.
“You’re being silly,” said Helen, quietly.
“And tell him,” went on Catherine, “that if he thinks he’s under an
obligation to me, he’s made a mistake. I’m grateful to him—for letting
me see what he really is.”
Her words rattled like the passage of a lorry over granite setts.
“Come on,” said Helen, “we’ll get to Chingford, and take the train
back.”
“You’ll tell him?”
“I don’t promise. I think you’d better forget all about him ... after
all, you can’t do anything....”
“I don’t want to! I merely want him to know that I don’t mind.”
“Well, that’s all right, then. He’ll know that if he hears nothing from
you.”
“He won’t. He’ll think he’s left a broken-hearted girl to cry over
him.”
“I don’t think he will.”
“... because I don’t believe in being broken-hearted. I don’t think
it’s possible to die of a broken heart. I’m certain I shan’t, anyway. I
won’t let any man mess about with my life. It’ll take a pretty big
misfortune to make life not worth living to me. If he’s tired of me I’m
just as tired of him. Tell him that!”
“This way ...” said Helen, guiding her into the Station Road. “We’ll
just be able to catch the 9.45....”
§3
Helen left the train at Upton Rising, but Catherine went on to
Bockley. The Town Hall struck the hour of ten as she was walking up
the station approach. At this time the crowds along the High Street
were beginning to disperse; the trams and buses were full of
returning excursionists. Neglectful of the time and with no very
definite aim in view, Catherine turned into the Ridgeway. It was
directly opposite to the quickest way home, but its shady avenues
and flower-scented front gardens suited her mood better than the
stark frowsiness of Hanson Street. Her mind was in flux. She did not
know whether what had happened was going to be an important
stage in her life or not. She did not know how much of her feeling
was disappointment, and how much was mere wounded dignity. She
could not estimate the depth of the feeling she had had for George
Trant. It seemed inconceivable that she had ever been in love with
him....
She started to administer to herself wholesome correctives. “It’s
no good,” she told herself brutally, “your imagining yourself the
heroine of a tragedy, suffering more poignantly than ninety-nine
people out of every hundred, because it’s not the truth. What you are
feeling now is felt sometime or other by the majority of all people:
there’s nothing a bit singular or exceptional in your case. It’s a
mistake to pride yourself on suffering more exquisitely than other
people.”
Then she poured cold logic over herself.
“He’s only one man among millions, and in no sense is he
markedly superior to the average. A certain spurious cleverness, a
talent for mockery, a deft finesse in expressing cruel things in soft
words ... absurd that he should become so much to you or to any girl
... there’s nothing admirable in him, therefore you are lucky to get rid
of him.”
It sounded convincing enough.
She walked on, scarce heeding whither she was going, and all
the time her mood alternated between stormy resentment and cold
self-reproach. There were moments too of grey hopelessness, and it
was only her constantly recurring indignation that swept her out of
these. Every inch of the roads she traversed was associated with
him: every gate and tree seemed to call out in mocking melancholy
—“This was where ... this was where....” Not a street corner but was
inextricably bound up in her mind with some remark of his and the
exact phase of their relationship when he had uttered it....
Under heavy trees that split the moonlight into a thousand
fragments she suddenly heard the rich hum of a grand piano. She
stopped. She stood in the shadow of the hedge and listened in
rapture. The house was a large one, with a corner bay-window wide
open, and it was from that room evidently that the music was
proceeding. It was some rapid piece full of rippling streams of notes
with very few chords, octaves in the base clef that thundered like the
oncoming tide, swirling waves of treble triplets that were light as air,
yet beneath all the laughter and freedom, a sense of dim, unuttered
passion, half hopeful, half melancholy. Long afterwards she knew it
was Chopin’s Black Note Study in G flat. But then it had no name to
her. It might have been the latest ragtime craze for all she knew: all
she cared was that it expressed all the feelings in her own heart that
she had thought inexpressible, things that she had often and in vain
tried to wring out of the Collard and Collard at home. At that moment
it is probable that she would have given everything she had in the
world for that piano. It stood to her as the one way to salvation. She
would have bartered her soul for it. As it was, she stood there in the
spattered moonlight and cried for it. At any rate, she cried.... The
piece finished up in a tremendous cascade of double octaves, and
she waited nearly half an hour after that, hoping the playing might
begin again. Then she walked back to Kitchener Road almost in a
state of trance. The Bockley High Street was very white and
deserted, and far into the dim distance stretched the tram-rails, blue
and infinite. It was long past eleven. But Catherine was dreaming—
dreaming of one thing only (though that one thing was strangely
complicated by other things)—dreaming of a grand piano, dreaming
of the ecstasy of playing it as she had heard it played that night. The
vision of her ambition came to her as she turned into Kitchener
Road. She would become a great pianoforte player. Already
discerning critics—adjudicators at musical festivals and such like—
had prophesied a career for her if she would work hard. Hitherto it
had not seemed worth while to work hard. Now it became suddenly
and tremendously worth all the soul and energy she could give to it.
Nothing else mattered. Nothing else could ever matter. Whatever
stuff her soul was made of, music was part of it, and music would
answer everything her soul asked.
At home her father was waiting up, vaguely remonstrative as
usual.
“Worse and worse it gets, Cathie ...” he began ... “the first night
you’re home after your holiday you land in at twenty to twelve! ... it’s
not good enough ... you’ve had all the morning and afternoon. I can’t
think what makes you want to go walking the streets this time....”
“I’m not having any supper,” she said brusquely. “Good-night....”
“But——”
“Oh, don’t worry ... I’ve had some,” she lied. As she fled upstairs
she heard him murmuring something. A great change had come over
him since his wife died. He had been getting ever slower and feebler.
It was becoming more and more evident that it had been only his
wife’s incessant nagging that had spurred him to the minimum of
activity. Now he pottered aimlessly about the garden. His
attendances at the Duke Street Chapel became more and more
infrequent, and finally ceased altogether. People said (often
facetiously) that he was pining away of grief at his wife’s death. It is
doubtful if this were a complete diagnosis....
Up in the little back bedroom Catherine did a thing which she had
not done for a long time. She prayed. Ch-artinevin was no longer a
choleric old gentleman with white side-whiskers and a devouring
passion for adulatory worship. He had long ago ceased to be that,
and he had not begun to be anything else. Catherine, though she
never altogether recognized her position, had no very definite belief
in either Him or the rest of the accepted doctrines of Christianity. She
prayed, not out of religious fervour, but from a variety of complex
motives, one of which was certainly a desire to straighten out her
own ideas by reducing them to more or less coherent form. Among
other things, she prayed for a grand piano. “Lord, give me a grand
piano,” was her unorthodox variant upon the more usual bedtime
supplications. “Lord, do give me a grand piano,” she pleaded. It is
curious, but she did not in the least expect the Lord to take any
notice. She was even doubtful whether the Lord were listening. Yet
she kept on repeating the demand for a grand piano. Also she
decided how she would catalogue the whole George Trant episode.
It was nothing. It was to be regarded as nothing. Tears broke in upon
her decision to regard it as nothing. The grand piano and all that it
meant to her kept looming on the horizon. Then she felt a little
ashamed of crying. “I never used to cry,” she thought. “Not even after
a sound thrashing.” She tried to calm herself. “I’m getting soppy,” she
reflected. “Crying like a little kid. All because of that piano. That’s
what done it....” It was long past midnight when she fell into troubled
sleep.
CHAPTER IV
NOCTURNE
§1
ON a certain bitterly cold night in November, Catherine stood on the
doorstep of No. 24, Kitchener Road, with her overcoat and hat in her
hands. Despite the chilliness of the atmosphere her cheeks were hot
and flushed, and her sensations took no notice of the blustering wind
that raged along the road. For several moments she stood still on the
doorstep, with heaving breast and head flung back defiantly. Then,
still carrying her hat and overcoat, she went out into the street,
omitted to shut the gate behind her, and walked at a terrific pace in
the direction of the Bockley High Street.
It was eleven p.m. Her steps rang loudly along the deserted
pavements; occasionally she lurched forward as if desiring to
increase her pace, and this disturbed the rhythmic beat of her steps.
She passed nobody, except at the junction of Hanson Street, where
a couple of belated revellers slunk past with the furtive attitude of
those who know they ought to have been home long since. They
were too intent upon their destination to notice her. Only where there
were large front gardens did her passing excite attention, and here
congregations of cats, gathered for midnight revelry, dispersed with
mournful sound as her footsteps approached.
At the corner of the High Street she stopped. It seemed to occur
to her for the first time that to carry one’s hat and overcoat upon
such a night was in some degree unusual. With careful deliberation
she put them on. Then she laughed softly, and her laugh was a
strange mingling of rapture and defiance. That which she had
thought impossible had come to pass. After years of undeviating
placidity fate had at last done something dramatic with her.
She had been turned out of the house at No. 24, Kitchener Road.
Her father had done what he had never before been known to do:
he had lost his temper, and lost it thoroughly.
He had said: “My God, Cathie, I won’t stand that! ... Out you go!”
He had pushed her into the lobby, and while she was reaching for
her hat and coat he had struck her on the face with the back of his
hand.
“Out you go!” he repeated, and Catherine saw that his temper
had not yet reached its height. “I’m done with you! ... Are you going?”
He actually picked up an umbrella and began brandishing it with his
hand grasping the ferrule.
Catherine had opened the front door in vague terror of what he
was going to do. The door was banged after her with a vicious kick
from within. Then her cheek where he had struck her began to
hurt....
§2
The cause of the altercation had been Catherine’s determination
to accept a situation which he did not wish her to accept. She had
answered the advertisement, interviewed her prospective employer,
and received word that she had been appointed before even
mentioning the matter to him. Then at teatime on a Friday afternoon
she casually remarked:
“By the way, I’ve decided to get some work.”
He looked up at her as if the word were unfamiliar to him.
“Work?” he said, astounded. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve applied for a job and been offered it.”
He seemed to have difficulty in comprehending what she said.
“A job? What job?”
“They want a pianist at a cinema. Good salary. Only work in the
evenings....”
“But, my dear girl——”
“Well?”
“Don’t cut me short like that.... I was about to say....”
“Oh, I know what you’re about to say. You’re hopelessly against
it, aren’t you?”
“Well, if I am, you——”
“Why are you?”
“I do wish you’d give me time to speak, Catherine. You spring this
on me so suddenly.... I had no idea you were ever thinking of such a
thing, to begin with. Even now it seems incredible to me. I can’t
understand it.”
“Can’t understand what?”
“Why you want to do it ... it’s ... it’s unnecessary. Haven’t you
enough money?”
“Oh, it’s not a question of money. I want to have some work to do,
something to get interested in.”
“But you have the work of the house to carry on with. Surely
that’s enough.”
“Oh, that’s enough. In fact, that’s a great deal too much. I’m sick
and tired of housework. Some girls may like it, but I don’t. I’d sooner
pay some girl who likes it to do it for me. Besides, I want to be
independent.”
He gave a start of surprise. “What’s that you said?” he asked,
incredulously.
“I said, independent.”
There was a tense pause.
“Somebody’s been putting some silly modern ideas into your
head. All that bosh about independence, I mean. A girl’s place is in
the home, when she’s got one. Until you make a home of your own
your place is here.”
“I suppose you think I ought to get married.”
“Married? ... Heavens, no! ... You’re only nineteen! Why, I never
even met your mother until I was twenty-four! Don’t you worry your
head about marriage. Let it alone until the right feller comes along. I
expect you’ve been reading too many trashy novels lately, that’s
what it is.”
An angry light leapt into her eyes.
“Well, if you think I’m going to scrub floors and wash dishes until
the right feller comes along, as you call it, you’re jolly well mistaken. I
wouldn’t do it even if I was sure the right feller would come along. I’m
not made that way. I want a bit of liberty. I want to live.”
“My dear Catherine, you have everything you need. I can’t see
what you’re making all this fuss about. Really I can’t.... You’re a good
deal better off than some girls, I can tell you. What about poor Nellie
Selborne and——”
“Oh, what on earth have they got to do with it?”
“Well, if you won’t listen to me, I suppose ...” He waved his hand
deprecatingly. “Suppose we stop arguing. Let’s hold the matter over.
I’m certain that with a few days’ thought you’ll——”
“But I can’t hold the matter over.”
“Why not?”
“Because the situation’s been offered me. I’ve either got to
accept it or reject it on the spot.”
“Well, Catherine, I’m sorry to go against you, but it will have to be
so, in this case. Understand, I mean it. I mean to have my own way
in this matter. I won’t have you strumming away every night in a
third-rate picture house. I’m going to put my foot down firmly in this
matter. You must reject the offer.”
He made a gallant but not entirely successful attempt to appear
dignified by resuming the perusal of his newspaper. Catherine bit her
lip and went a little pale.
“That’s a pity,” she said quietly.
“Why is it a pity?”
“Because I’ve decided to accept it.” Her lips were tight, and there
was the suggestion of restrained emotion in her voice.
Something happened to his eyes. They opened terrifically wide
and gazed at her expressionlessly for several seconds.
“What’s that?” he said.
His eyes unnerved her somewhat. But she steeled herself to
repeat her ultimatum.
“Because—I’ve—decided to—to accept.”
Pause. “That’s all,” she added, irrelevantly, as if by way of
clinching the matter.
Another pause. The clock tactfully struck in with the
announcement of six o’clock. That seemed to break the spell. He
rose and made for his hat.
“H’m,” he ejaculated, sharply. “I see. That’s what it amounts to, is
it.... Well, you’ll have time to think it over. I’m off to school now.”
He took a sheaf of night-school exercises from his desk and
stuffed them in his pocket. Not another word came from him.
Catherine was almost hypnotized by his quick, startling movements,
so unlike his usual apathy. He strode firmly down the lobby and shut
the door after him more noisily than usual. She could hear his
footsteps along the street, and he was walking at a pace that was for
him unprecedentedly rapid. When he was quite out of hearing she
sank down into the chair he had just vacated. The tension of the
argument had given her a sense of physical exhaustion. Yet
spiritually she was thrilled by a strange feeling of exhilaration: it
seemed to her that after an interval of drudgery she was once again
being drawn into the vortex of momentous happenings. She was
absolutely certain of one thing: she would not give way. If he chose
to make her disobedience a “test-case” of the father’s right to inflict
his will upon the daughter she would await whatever steps he took
with calmness and determination. But she would never give way.
She was nineteen, and to her nineteen seemed old age. Things he
had said in the course of the argument had annoyed her
inexpressibly. They were little things, mostly. Bringing in the case of
Nellie Selborne, for instance, was silly and entirely irrelevant. Nellie
had paralysis down one side, and existed apparently for the purpose
of proving to all other girls how lucky they were. Then again,
Catherine disliked intensely his massive declaration that “a girl’s
place is in the home.” He had talked about “waiting for the right feller
to come along,” and this passive method of getting through life
roused all the scorn and contempt in her nature. Also he had talked
about her “strumming in a third-rate picture house.” It was typical of
him to assume that it was third-rate before he had heard even the
name of it. He had been ridiculously unfair....
She went over to the writing-desk where he marked his school
exercise books. Something within her said: You are angry and
excited now, but you will soon cool down and then probably you will
give in to him.... To this she replied passionately: I won’t give in to
him.... But, continued the part of her which always told the truth, you
will give in to him if you wait till your temper has cooled down....
Better write now accepting the situation, and post it before he comes
back from night-school. Then the matter will be really settled. Then
you can say to him when he comes in: “It’s no use arguing about it
any more. I’ve written to accept the job. The thing’s done now and
can’t be undone.”
She wrote the letter as quickly as she could, for the feeling of
supreme depression, the feeling that she was doing something
regrettable and irretrievably silly, was becoming heavier upon her
every second. She was just addressing the envelope after fastening
it when she heard the key fumbling at the front door. For the moment
a kind of panic fear seized her. He was coming back. He must have
turned back before reaching the school. His footsteps down the
lobby sounded brutal and unnecessarily noisy. She swung round in
her chair and sat awaiting his entrance with the penholder stuck
between her teeth. The half-addressed envelope lay on the desk
invisible behind her back.... He flung down his hat and coat on the
table.
The moment was so tense that Catherine spoke merely to
interrupt the horrible silence of it.
“Was there no school to-night?” she asked, with an effort to
appear perfectly casual.
“I’m not going,” he snapped curtly, and took down the red-ink
bottle from the corner of the mantelpiece. That meant he was going
to spend the evening marking exercise books.
She was thoroughly frightened. Her mother’s tempers and tirades
had never frightened her, because she was used to them and knew
them intimately, as a doctor knows the illness of a familiar patient.
But her father was normally so quiet and placid and mild-mannered:
she had never seen him in a temper, although when she was a little
girl, boys who were in his class at school had told her that on rare
occasions he got “ratty.” But she had never known him in such a
condition. In this phase he was a complete stranger to her. And she
was apprehensive, as she would have been if a stranger had
entered the house when she was alone.
He came to the desk to get his exercise books. She thought at
first he was going to strike her. But he merely leaned over her and
lifted the lid. As he did so he must have seen the half-addressed
envelope lying on the top. But he did not say a word. His silence was
unnerving.
Always he used the desk for marking exercise books. But this
time he arranged the pile of books and the pen and ink on the dining-
table.
“You can use the desk,” he said curiously, “if you’re wanting to.”
His politeness, his unusual solicitude for her comfort, was horrible!
Normally, if she had been at his desk, he would have said: “Now look
here, Cathie, it’s too bad of you to want to use my desk when I want
it. After all, it’s my desk. You’ve got all the day to use it when I’m out.
Can’t you use the table?”
She would have understood a speech like that. But for him to say
so thoughtfully, so obsequiously, “You can use the desk if you’re
wanting to,” was charged with all the nameless horror of the
unprecedented.
It was half-past six. The clock struck. He was assiduously and
seemingly quite normally putting red-ink ticks and crosses on
algebra sums. Yet she knew that the atmosphere was very far from
being normal. She took a book from the shelf and sat down in the
chair by the fire, but it was difficult to read. She could hear the ticking
of the clock and the steady scratching of his pen, and flipping of
pages. He went on for hours. When he had finished one pile of
books he went to his desk and fetched out another. Then again, if he
had not done so the first time, he must have seen the envelope with
its incomplete address. But he went on with his work at the table.
Supper time came, but he made no sign of clearing away his books.
And then his surliness and sulkiness, whichever it was, ceased to
frighten her, but began to annoy her acutely.... The last post went at
eleven-thirty. Come what might she would post that letter. At five
minutes past eleven she went over to the desk with the intention of
finishing the address. She had got as far as the “p” in “Upton” when
she saw that he was regarding her intently. As soon as he saw that
she had noticed his glance he put down his pen and swung back on
his chair.
“Now then, Cathie,” he began brusquely, “this matter’s got to be
settled.... You understand. No nonsense. What’re you going to do?”
She bit the end of the penholder.
“I’m going to accept the thing,” she said firmly, though she had
difficulty in restraining her apprehension and excitement.
“You’re not!” he cried, advancing menacingly. “Understand, I
forbid it! I’m going to be firm in this business. You’re not to accept
that situation. D’you hear?”
He picked up the envelope she had been engaged upon. She
knew that he had seen it before. But he pretended not to have done.
She despised him for that little perfidy.
“What’s this?” he cried, snatching it up vehemently. Then he
pretended to realize. “You’ve been writing to accept it?”
“Yes.”
For a moment she thought he was going to do her physical
violence. Then he tore the envelope across and flung the two pieces
into the fire.
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” she said contemptuously, “that’s merely
childish. I can easily write another.” (In her anger she did not
remember an occasion when she had been smitten with the same
kind of childishness).
It was then that he cried: “My God, Cathie, I won’t stand that! ...
Out you go!”
§3
At the corner of the Bockley High Street her only feeling was one
of nervous jubilation. The clock chimed the quarter. She
remembered with a little thrill of ecstasy how on all other occasions
at night when she had heard the clock chime a quarter past eleven
she had been anxiously wondering what sort of a row there would be
when she reached home. Now she was free. She was not returning
home. She was leaving. She was free to go where she liked and do
what she liked....
If it were summer time, she thought, I would walk to the Forest
and sleep out under the stars....
But it was November.... She decided to travel up to the City and
spend the night in one of the waiting-rooms at the big terminals. The
next day she would look out for lodgings.... Money was a difficulty. In
her pocket was a purse containing the residue of the week’s house-
keeping money. It amounted to five and sevenpence half-penny.
There were also a couple of penny stamps....
The ideal time for this enterprise would have been a Monday
evening in June or July.
Still, she would have to make the best of it. With light step she
passed along the wide expanse of the High Street in the direction of