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 Preface

Programmed machine tools now represent most So, many thanks to those who are using our book to
machine operation and, of greater impact to you, of start your manufacturing careers. It’s an honor to be
new jobs. Entry-level people usually start in the shop as your instructors. Here’s what we can pass on about our
CNC operators. Flexible and friendly, the machines and trade.
programming systems are so quick and easy to learn
that they are now practical even for one-of-a-kind work The Fourth Edition has been
such as mold making and die work, as well as produc- revised to include a number
tion. Schools integrate and teach CNC as an entry-level of new features:
subject—starting from the first lesson on the first day.
This book was specifically written to serve this • New chapters on Mastercam and SolidWorks
type of modern student. To do so, subjects have been with student downloads of test software
grouped into four large career partitions: • Multiaxis setups and operations
• An index to help you map this book to any
Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing national machining standard Recognizing the
Manufacturing is a world of its own. Chapters 1 growing trend toward standardized instruction, this
through 7 are designed to open the door. They provide textbook is now skill mapped and indexed to help
the background needed to fit into the shop, to under- fit it to any national machining standard. The full
stand the rules, to read and interpret the drawings, to index can be found on the Online Learning Center
be comfortable with extreme accuracy, and especially at www.mhhe.com/fitzpatrick4e, and the three-digit
to be safe. codes will help you cross-reference the index with
the material in the book. A glossary of terms can
Part 2 Introduction to Machining also be found in the Online Learning Center.
Chapters 8 through 15 teach how to cut metal the right • More on 3-D metal printing Still an emerging
way. These lessons assume that you will eventually per- technology, will it fall within the machinist job title?
form them on CNC equipment but will probably practice Where will it be in 10 years?
first on manually operated machines because they are a
• Interactive chapter feature There have been
simple, safe place to learn setups and operations.
many advances in mobile technology since the last
Part 3 Introduction to Computer Numerical edition, and this new textbook incorporates many of
Control Machining them. Students can now use their mobile devices to
view interesting websites, videos, and articles when
Now we get to the text core: how to apply Parts 1
they scan the special codes throughout the book.
and 2 to setting up, programming, and running CNC
Think of these Xcursions as a virtual field trip of
machine tools. In Chapters 16 through 23, we will
material that will enhance student understanding of
learn how to professionally manage a CNC world.
the text.
Because they move at lightning speed with lots of
power behind them, safety must be integrated into
everything we study.

Part 4 Advanced and Advancing

Technology
Chapters 24 through 28 set the tone for your career
after graduation. The best is yet to come, so let’s get
started!

vii

fit27445_FM_i-xiv.indd 7 2/22/18 8:17 PM

 Acknowledgments

Our deepest gratitude goes to these major contributors, Patrick Yunke: A graduate of Wisconsin’s
without whom this book would not have been possible: Madison Area Technical College die-making
program and Stout University for Vocational
CNC Software, Inc. Mastercam Mark Summers, Education, Patrick brings many years of
President; Dan Newby, Training Director experience in all aspects of precision die,
Thank you, Mark, for believing in education, and metal, and plastic mold making to MATC,
Dan, for your editing and guidance, and many where he has taught for 15 years. He has
thanks to your entire team for improving our trade also been a consultant to industry for
and supporting education worldwide. manufacturing and custom educational
programs.
CGTech (Irvine, California) Scott Michalek, CGTech
Many thanks to you both for your expertise
Sales Engineer (recently retired); Bryon Jacobs,
and for supplying great photos from your
Marketing Manager
beautifully organized shop.
Special thanks to Scott, Bryon, and everyone at
CGTech who provided assistance putting together the NTMA—National Tooling and
chapter on program verification. Machining Association Dick Walker,
President
Renishaw, Inc. Rafael Herrera, Marketing Specialist
Many thanks for being at the root of this
Your time, effort, and energy helped illustrate the
new book in the beginning, for investing
impact that probe technology has on the machining
time and energy in it, and for the 45
industry.
drawings donated from your training
3DX Industries, Inc. (Ferndale, Washington) Roger materials.
Janssen President & CEO, CFO
NTMA Training Centers, California Max
Thank you for your support and help with updating
Hughes, Dean of Instruction
the additive manufacturing unit of this book.
Thanks, Max, for the assistance with the
Milwaukee Area Technical College (Milwaukee, CNC portion of this book.
Wisconsin) Dale Howser and Patrick Yunke, Lead
Haas Automation, Inc. (Oxnard, California)
Instructors
Scott Rathburn, Marketing Manager, Sr. Editor
Offering a nationally recognized, 2-year tool-and-die-
CNC Machining
making diploma. MATC graduates learn die and mold
Thank you, Scott, for supporting education,
making and qualify for Wisconsin’s apprenticeship
educators, programs and especially aiding
certificate. Thus, they often serve full apprenticeships
and encouraging students.
in the highly paid tooling area of manufacturing.
Dale Howser Sr.: Apart from 28 years of journeyman Boeing Commercial Airplane Co.
toolmaking experience, with 15 years of teaching Apprentice Instructor
these subjects, Dale holds degrees in tool and die Thank you for giving me the best educa-
making from Milwaukee Area Technical College tion possible when I began my career, and
and in Vocational Education from Stout University. to Tim for your ongoing support of quality
He also develops and works on educational materials apprenticeship, for help in planning and
for the Precision Metalforming Association and executing this book, and for being a lifelong
Wisconsin’s Apprenticeship programs. friend.

viii
Brown and Sharpe Corp. (Rhode Island) Metrology Mark Dodge Nashua Community College
Equipment
For your commitment to education in metrology in Arthur Martz Thomas Wertman Kaplan
technical schools and colleges. Career Institute

Kennametal Inc. Kennametal University, dedicated Jim Kitchen Pensacola State College
to finding better methods and to educating wherever
machining is taught or applied. Samuel Obi San Jose State University
Thanks for the data, advanced tooling photos, text,
Andrew Zwanch Johnson College
and charts.
Patrick Mason Morehead State University
Iscar Metals Bill Christensen, Advanced Tooling
Photos and Text Michael Mattson Clackamas Community
Advancing knowledge through research and College
education; thank you, Bill, for the HSM article.
Dexter Hulse University of
Sandvik Coromant Cincinnati-Batavia
Thank you for photos from Modern Metal Cutting.
Richard Buhnerkemper Gateway
SME—Society of Manufacturing Engineers Technical—Elkhorn
Westech Machine Tool and Productivity Exposition
Thanks to the following individuals for recom-
In addition, I would like to thank the following instruc- mending companies for the “Made Right Here”
tors who reviewed this textbook and provided sugges- opening ­segments in this book:
tions for improvement:
Gerald Berry Wayne County Community
Bob Dixon Walters State Community College College District
Bret Holmes Ogden Weber Applied Tech Center Herbert Skinner Southeast Technical Center
Mike Wyckoff Grand Rapids Community College Ismail Fidan Tennessee Tech University
Mike Cannon Pensacola State College Erica Matthew Florida Career College
Dean Duplessis Northern Maine Community College Teje Sult Jackson State University

ix
 Prescription Eyewear
Most wraparound safety glasses can be worn over pre-
scription glasses. But the law requires prescription glass

M
1.1.1 Getting Ready for the Work
achining and CNC Technology, Fourth lenses to be made from tempered glass or high-impact
Environment—Eye Protection
Edition, provides Always
the most up-to-date plastic, so it is acceptable to wear them alone as long
purchased our first CNC m

Figure 1-2 shows several

approach types ofTool
to Machine eye protection.
technolo- Most complex and more lucrati
as side shields are added. It’s a fact that many
from eye
day in- rein
1, constantly
shops supply one
gy available, withor moreintegrated
totally varieties. The best choice
coverage juries occur from the side rather than straight
ment we could afford, alw
on, Inso2005, w
manufacturing.
is
of the one you
manual andfind comfortable
computer and tend
numerical to leave on
control– of high-end aftermarket m
shatterproof front lenses aren’t enough protection by need
to meet the evolving
based
100 equipment.
percent of the time! Many prefer full-vision, themselves. letes. To meet the deman

wraparound lenses because they are all clear material to add a lot of new techno
mill-turn machines, as we
so youother
Every don’tchapter
see a frame.
opens with a Made Right Here Courtesy Dennis Paulson and Straightline
software. This all means t
and at the same time very
Precision Industries, Inc.
a product, take it to produ
profile. This profile contains a photo and a brief text de- other people enjoy your e
scribing a companychangeor product manufactured In July 1996, my father, Mike Paulson, my brother, DJ, and I started
KEYPOINT
design/drawing become Rev A. The second today.
re- It
a small machine shop called Straightline Precision Industries, Inc.
drawto
is meant is Rev B, andstudents
inspire so on. Fig. and
5-3 isshow
at Rev level
themA—it’s
all of the We started with a small manual mill and lathe in our garage with
been upgraded once. to them in the industry.
with the detailopportunities
Safety glasses available
the intention of doing general machining and repairs. In 1999, we Courtesy of Dennis Paulson
will bear the mark Z87 or Z87.1 on the earpiece if
Each progressive revision letter signifies that the
they have passed
drawing strictredrawn
has been testing and
andany
arenumber
acceptable for shop work.
of changes
could have been incorporated into the design print at
Unit 1-1 Dressing for Career
tween one de- Units
5 part and the
that time. Look in the upper right corner of Figs. 5-2 Success
6-1 Task 1: Match the Measuring Tool to the Tolerance
and 5-3, the sample prints. You must know the level of 6-3 The Five Basic
her—the same Xcursion. How much torture did your safety (pages 142–145)
-5 is 1.500 in.
the drawing. XCURSIONS
Introduction: In
• ListFig.
glasses endure to get that Z87 approval? For want making precision the five1-1,
arewhich
special
categories person
codes
of measuring would you
students
• Read micromet
real objects
e small things can scan• Find
using parts
and usetheir for your devices
mobile
dimension new
tolerances carprints
on design or out-
to view • Read machinist
more information and video of the ballistic board motor? In •truth,
interesting they
videos,
Recognize might
websites,
and apply all be
the various andgood tomachin-
articles.
tolerances measuringAn • Measure to a re
TRADE TIP electronic)
testing of safety glasses, scan here. ists but—well, • Recognize protracted and geometric angles on drawings
icon in the chapter alerts students to here
you get the picture. The concern scan • Measure with a
isn’t styles 6-2clothing
Managing Accuracy (pages it’s 145–150)
Besides using letters to track revisions, in your shop, drawing revi-
design/drawing change
sions can also be tracked become
by number or byRev A. The
the date second
on which they re-
theofcode or grooming;
to access the additional about beingmaterial. right
• Define the resolution and repeatability of the five tools
• Use a dial test i
ave more than for a precision shop environment.
draw is Rev B, and so on. Fig. 5-3 is at Rev level A—it’s
were updated. • Recognize and control inaccuracy factors found in each tool
with the detail been upgraded once.
Clear orEach Yellow Lens Color
progressive revision letter signifies that the

The Terms
drawing
Check Toolbox
thehas been
Revision Challenge
Box Look
redrawn andinallows students
the number
any upper-right to review
corner
of changes TERMSFigureINTRODUCTION
1-2 The best choice for eye protection is the
TOOLBOX
price, mean nothing les
one
r “a” drawing, Either
the of
clear
vocabulary
the
could
or
drill
have termsyellow
gage
been using
drawing
lens
their
incorporated (Fig.
color
mobile
5-2).
into the
is
There
acceptable.
devices.
designhave Students
been
print at
Yellow you find most
Previously, comfortable
delivering and
quality work tend
meant a lotto leave
to the on.
machinist’s
accuracy; it’s a do-or-di
©McGraw-Hill
This drawing We remain strong in
tween onelenses
de- Chips Metal particles theofpathway
wasteTechnical
toremoved fromand the work-happy
can nooffset
that
scan revisions;
time.code
the thethis
Look toblue
in isthe
access of common
a NEW
upperthe release
right corner fluorescent
drawing.
flashcard-likeof Figs. 5-2 lighting,
Itexercise.
may career.
Education/LakeIt was
Washington advancement
College, toKirkland,
keeping WA but by being efficient
5 part and the piece by machining.
customers. But in today’s world of Internet commerce, rapid trans-
be a5-3,
and verytheold design,
sample but You
prints. it hasmustnever
know been
therevised.
level of must be able to measu
her—the same Natural fibers
oceanic Cotton
shipping,orand
wool
freecloth,
trade,which
quality tends to resist
products, along with instruments, all of whic
Thedrawing.
the second print 203B-605 is at Rev A. It has been
-5 is 1.500 in. hot chip damage and melting, thus protecting the wearer Figure 1-1 Which m
updated once, probably when the saw was improved.
e small things
on) from burns. important, for a caree
Brief notes in the Rev box give clues as to what those
TRADE TIP SyntheticChapter 1 Professionalism
fibers Plastic cloth such as nylon in Manufacturing
and polyes- 3
Technical College, Kirkland
till say Sheet 1 changes were. Normally you needn’t worry about what
the changes were; they are history as far as you are ter, which tends to melt when hot chips touch it.
Besides using letters to track revisions, in your shop, drawing revi-
concerned. They have been incorporated into
sions can also be tracked by number or by the date on which they the Z87 or Z87.1 The mark found on safety glasses approved
ave more than print. The important thing to ensure is that the next for shop work, which means they will protect your eyes and many feel that
were updated.
key points are followed. from the front and side in a dangerous environment. read precision too
Caution! Don’t *Review the key terms in the Terms Toolbox you must work ne
portant, gen- Check the Revision Box Look in the upper-right corner Challenge! Just scan the code in every Chapter Review, they dull your abil
“a”
eet 1 ordrawing,
in a
KEYPOINT or go to www.mhhe.com/fitzpatrick4e.
of the drill gage drawing (Fig. 5-2). There have been Prescription Eyewe
aThis drawing
job without
ned detail is on
noWhen
revisions;
receiving athis is a NEW
job, always release drawing. It may
verify that
beA. aThe
very
part old design,
number matchesbut it has never been revised.
the W/O. Most wraparound
The second
B. The drawingprint 203B-605
revision is at
level and work Rev
order A. It
revision has
level been
agree. 1.1.1 Getting Ready for the Work scription glasses. B
updated once, probably when the saw was improved. lenses to be made
on)
Environment—Eye Protection Always
umber Brief notes in the Rev box give clues as to what those plastic, so it is acc
changes were. Normally you needn’t worry about what Figure 1-2 shows several types of eye protection. Most as side shields are
ill say Sheet
achinist 1
is the SHOPTALK
e Rev level. In the changes were; they are history as far as you are MOTIVATIONAL CHAPTER
shops supply one FEATURES
or more varieties. The bestsuch
choice
as juries occur from
mber and sheet concerned.
ReplacementThey Parts have been
Some shops incorporated
produce intoforthe
replacement parts Key Points, Trade
is the one you Tips, and Shoptalk
find comfortable and are
tendincluded
to leave onto shatterproof front
to verify that print. The important
older products—not thing
the latest to Inensure
version! is detective
that case, that the next
work 100 percent of the time! Many prefer
show students the practical side of the subject.full-vision,
key
mustpoints
be done.are
Thefollowed.
changes made over time must be backtracked themselves.
t version of the
from the current Rev level back to the ones ordered. Each change
wraparound lenses because they are all clear material
W/O (abbrevia-
Caution! Don’t must be investigated to see if it is compatible with the latest parts. so you don’t see a frame.
portant, gen- Will they interchange, or does the planner need to modify them to fit
KEYPOINT
deet 1 or in a are
mistakes the older product? These can be incredibly complex research issues
a job without
latest version. that must
When be done
receiving before
a job, releasing
always the job to the shop. The good
verify that KEYPOINT
ned detail is on news is that beginning machinists never have to do them! After the
acked and re- A. The part number matches the W/O.
planner solves the issues, he or she writes a work order covering Safety glasses will bear the mark Z87 or Z87.1 on the earpiece if
level system. B. The drawing revision level and work order revision level agree.
the steps needed to make the older version of the part, guiding you they have passed strict testing and are acceptable for shop work.
en a new REV to make the right parts.
hen
umber on the first
achinist is the SHOPTALK Xcursion. How much torture did your safety
e Rev level. In glasses endure to get that Z87 approval? For
mber and sheet Replacement Parts Some shops produce replacement parts for more information and video of the ballistic
to verify that older products—not
Chapter 5the Before
latest version! In that
and After case, detective work 81
Machining
x must be done. The changes made over time must be backtracked testing of safety glasses, scan here.
t version of the
from the current Rev level back to the ones ordered. Each change
W/O (abbrevia- must be investigated to see if it is compatible with the latest parts.
Will they interchange, or does the planner need to modify them to fit
 All topics in the textbook have been indexed for TERMS TOOLBOX 2.2.2 Unilateral Tolerance
Expressing the tolerance in one direction from nominal
Nominal dimensions The desired target value.
programs needing to offer standard skills certificates. Tolerance The amount of acceptable variation from
is a unilateral tolerance. Look at the 1.50-in. width
dimension in Fig. 2-5.
nominal.
The complete index can be found on the instructor Bilateral Tolerance that extends both plus and minus val-
+.000
ues from nominal only. 01.50
side of the Online Learning Center (www.mhhe.com Unilateral Tolerance that extends one direction plus or
minus from nominal.
−.010

/fitzpatrick4e). The topics are noted in text with a Limits Tolerance expressed as a maximum and mini-
mum value.
And now what is the range? Answer 1.500 to 1.490 in.
You cannot machine the width larger than 1.50 in.,
three-digit numbering system. but ten thousandths smaller is okay.

2.2.1 Bilateral Tolerances 2.2.3 Limits

Bilateral tolerances are easy to understand but not al- Sometimes the designer will express the tolerance as
products. In situations where lives could be at stake, ways easy to accomplish. That’s how we earn our pay! limits of size; for example, the bottom width:
once the heat lot number (the original manufactur- For example, on the engineering drawing you read that
ing quality control number) is lost, the metal is not only 2.995 in.
a hole diameter specification is to be 0.6250 diameter;
2.305 in.
worthless, it’s illegal to use! then, in the table on drawing, you see the tolerance for
When the design specs must be followed exactly, as a four-place number is “±0.0010.” That means there is no specific quality target—any re-
matter how careful you are, there’s always the in- in making airplane parts, for example, a continuous his- Question: So, what size range would be acceptable?
sult within the limited range is okay.
able falling heavy object. Don’t fall for the old tale Final point: No matter how it’s expressed, your task
tory must be traceable from the foundry to final part Answer: 1.624 in. on the low and 1.626 in. on the high.
will be to machine and measure the controlled feature
someone knows someone who had his or her toes number. This is known as traceability. A specific part Expressing it as a plus/minus range is called a bilat- well within the tolerance!
red by the steel insert collapsing when something will have a specific number assigned to it, called the se- eral tolerance, meaning its acceptable range extends
y heavy fell on it. Think about it: If the thing was rial number (S/N). The manufacturer must be able to both directions from nominal.
heavy, it would have done the same damage with or provide documents tracing the S/N to the heat lot of the
out the steel protection! metal’s original manufacturer. Material can be tested in
an independent lab and then recertified, but that’s more CHAPTER 2 REVIEW
costly than just buying more metal!
One of several good methods of storing metals is a Instructions
OPTALK rack. Note that the bars cannot fall out of the safety stor-
Terms Toolbox! To review key terms, please go to
www.mhhe.com/fitzpatrick4e.
A. This is a self-test—not a warmup.
age rack and that short bars are not kept here. “Shorts” B. Do not look at each answer—be certain you are
ality Could Be Linked to Good Work Shoes or Boots As are kept on smaller shelves where they won’t fall through. correct on all problems.
achinist, you’re going to be on your feet all day, usually on Introduction Now, with a review of the previous prob- C. Correct your own work and conclude readiness for
Note that they are sorted by type and alloy such that the
crete. Guess when most folks make the most mistakes. That’s lems, see how much improvement has been achieved. Re- lab experiences.
t, at the end of the day when they’re tired. Good-quality work color-coded identification is facing out (Fig. 1-13). Later,
member, ask for help with unfamiliar terms or symbols.
es offset some of the problems and help keep your mind we’ll take a look at material identifications and alloys.
rp.
KEYPOINT QUESTIONS AND PROBLEMS

Full-color
These are not small details. You must have exactly the right material
Write these decimals in words. (LOs 2-1 and 2-2) 8. 3.0506 in.
ccessories Figure 1-12 Two people hand carry long bars by preventing
for the design and it often must be kept in storage for a specific job.
1. 0.809 in. photos and illustrations
9. 0.5427 in. make concepts
elry catches on moving machinery (Fig. 1-6).
the leading edgeHere’s
from harming people and objects. ©McGraw-Hill
Education/Photography by Prographics at Milwaukee Area Technical College
her aspect you may not know: Jewelry also con-
easier
2. 0.056 in.
3. 2.345 in.
for students to understand
10. 5.3387 in.
and apply to the in-
Convert imperial numbers to metric. (LO 2-1)
s electricity and heat. In addition to the safety as- UNIT 1-2 REVIEW formation
4. 6.09 in. presented. 11. 4 in. = mm
, jewelry should be left in your locker.
1.2.2 Storing Metals 5. 0.12 in. 12. 2.5 in. = mm
Up Our school has received many donations of expensive 6. 0.0089 in. 13. 4.75 in. = mm
metal from local shops because careless workers cut
Replay the Key Points
7. 0.0324 in. 14. 20.0 in. = mm
nk about this: Would you reach upthe and pull a hand-
color-coded Figure
identification off1-7
the Hair doesorcatch
bar end on moving• machinery.
lost the Always use Keep it out device for your first choice.
a lifting
f hair out of your scalp? Painfulidentification
but that would of harm’s way. ©McGraw-Hill Education/Photography by Prographics
be gone,
tag. Once the bar is useless in most • If physical lifting is absolutely necessary, get
a few hairs! So now, imagine a cases,
machine wrapping
especially when the shop makes people-moving help—all should bend their knees. 32 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing
most of your hair along with a patch of scalp. No
ing! I’ve seen it happen twice with my own eyes
1-7). It gets caught up by static electricity produced or a hat are right to wear when your hair is long enough
ng machining and is blown by the air currents to be caught.
ling around moving tools. A hair band, a bandana, That’s it. With these dress-for-success guidelines,
you’re ready to step into the shop and, if you see the
bigger picture, into a career.

UNIT 1-1 REVIEW

Replay the Key Points

• Eye protection is best if it’s comfortable.
Figure 1-13 Correctly stored and color-code-identified raw materials. Source: Pacific Machinery & Tool Steel Co.
• Safety glasses will bear the mark Z87 or Z87.1 on
the earpiece if they have passed strict testing and
are acceptable for shop work.
10 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing
• Ear protection is necessary in many work areas.
• Well-fitting coats or aprons made of natural fibers
are best.
re 1-6 Jewelry is dangerous. It catches on machines and
THE ONLINE LEARNING CENTER (WWW.MHHE.COM/FITZPATRICK4E) contains a wealth of resources
, and conducts heat and electricity. ©McGraw-Hill Education/
graphy by Prographics
• Footwear must be designed for shop use and
comfort.
for instructors, including an Instructor’s Manual with teaching tips and handouts and enhanced PowerPoint slides
Part 1 with videos.
Introduction to Manufacturing

xi
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 1
Par t

Introduction to Manufacturing

T his book is about getting a job in a machine shop. But it’s also about keeping that job
and advancing career responsibility and pay. For career success, you need to know what
is expected of you from the very first day. Like any workplace, there are tasks, procedures,
and rules to be followed. Some are formal skills or rules; some are informal and generally
accepted by your fellow workers.

Part 1 is designed to impart basic manufacturing Chapter 5 Work with the materials, documents, and
knowledge and skills and to clarify trade expectations to processes before and after the machining occurs
help you in the following ways:
Chapter 6 Use five basic measuring tools, the right
Chapter 1 Know how to look, act, and be professional
way always with the best repeatability
Chapter 2 Understand, use, and speak the precision
Chapter 7 Use specialized measuring tools when the
numbers of the trade
five basic tools aren’t the right choice
Chapter 3 Read early lab drawings and be ready for
more engineering drawing instruction
Chapter 4 Identify and use geometric dimensioning
and tolerancing (GDT) found on drawings

For supplemental information on performing part layout and knowing when it’s right or wrong for the job, go to
www.mhhe.com/fitzpatrick4e.

1
Chapter 1
Professionalism
in Manufacturing

Units
1-1 Dressing for Career Success (pages 3–7) • Handle and store lubricants, solvents, and coolants
• Select the correct protective equipment for a machine shop • Know how to correctly dispose of waste
• Select the correct clothing 1-4 Maintaining Equipment and the Work Environment
1-2 Handling Materials (pages 7–11) (pages 15–23)
• Safely lift heavy objects correctly and explain why bending • Lubricate complex machinery
your knees is the right thing to do, but the last resort for • Safely remove metal chips
heavy lifting • Understand what a lean green shop means
• Safely move metals within the shop • Review fire prevention and safety
• Store metals and machine accessories
1-3 Handling Shop Supplies (pages 11–15)
• List the six possible dangers of shop chemicals
• Ask for and read SDS sheets when in doubt about handling
new chemicals

INTRODUCTION Because a critical part, perhaps the most critical part, of your
training has nothing to do with measuring, reading prints, and
This book represents a manufacturing world where computer- running programs on machines, yet getting it right will have
aided design/computer-aided manufacturing (CAD/CAM) and everything to do with your success! It might be called work ethic,
computer numerical control (CNC) have changed everything. team spirit, or job readiness. It’s often called attitude on an em-
Planned by a group of industry leaders and instructors, we used ployee evaluation or a grade report. No matter what you call it,
today’s job market and tomorrow’s career needs as our guide. To it adds up to how you walk the walk of a skilled craftsperson. A
make room for the new subjects needed for career success, every large part of the separation between ordinary and skilled workers
effort was made to eliminate old technologies and skills no longer is a professional attitude.
relevant to mainstream employment. Our goal was to equip you, Although a whole lot more could be said on the subject, these
the beginning machinist, with the competencies to get and keep units are enough to get started fitting into a machine shop envi-
that vital first job. ronment and starting the lifelong process of being a skilled pro-
But we also knew that students often breeze past the usual fessional. Taken to heart, the message of this chapter will make a
opening chapters to get to the “real training.” So why start with a real difference in your career.
chapter on professionalism and safety?

2
Unit 1-1 Dressing for Career
Success
Introduction: In Fig. 1-1, which person would you
want making precision parts for your new car or out-
board motor? In truth, they might all be good machin-
ists but—well, you get the picture. The concern here
isn’t styles of clothing or grooming; it’s about being right
for a precision shop environment.

TERMS TOOLBOX
Chips Metal particles of waste removed from the work-
piece by machining.
Natural fibers Cotton or wool cloth, which tends to resist
hot chip damage and melting, thus protecting the wearer Figure 1-1 Which machinist looks right for the job—and more
from burns. important, for a career? ©McGraw-Hill Education/Lake Washington
Synthetic fibers Plastic cloth such as nylon and polyes- Technical College, Kirkland, WA

ter, which tends to melt when hot chips touch it.

Z87 or Z87.1 The mark found on safety glasses approved
for shop work, which means they will protect your eyes and many feel that the correction boosts their ability to
from the front and side in a dangerous environment. read precision tools. Never select dark glasses unless
*Review the key terms in the Terms Toolbox you must work near electric welding flashes because
Challenge! Just scan the code in every Chapter Review, they dull your ability to see details.
or go to www.mhhe.com/fitzpatrick4e.
Prescription Eyewear
Most wraparound safety glasses can be worn over pre-
1.1.1 Getting Ready for the Work scription glasses. But the law requires prescription glass
lenses to be made from tempered glass or high-impact
Environment—Eye Protection Always
plastic, so it is acceptable to wear them alone as long
Figure 1-2 shows several types of eye protection. Most as side shields are added. It’s a fact that many eye in-
shops supply one or more varieties. The best choice juries occur from the side rather than straight on, so
is the one you find comfortable and tend to leave on shatterproof front lenses aren’t enough protection by
100 percent of the time! Many prefer full-vision, themselves.
wraparound lenses because they are all clear material
so you don’t see a frame.

KEYPOINT
Safety glasses will bear the mark Z87 or Z87.1 on the earpiece if
they have passed strict testing and are acceptable for shop work.

Xcursion. How much torture did your safety

glasses endure to get that Z87 approval? For
more information and video of the ballistic
testing of safety glasses, scan here.

Clear or Yellow Lens Color

Figure 1-2 The best choice for eye protection is the one
Either clear or yellow lens color is acceptable. Yellow you find most comfortable and tend to leave on. ©McGraw-Hill
lenses offset the blue of common fluorescent lighting, Education/Lake Washington Technical College, Kirkland, WA

Chapter 1 Professionalism in Manufacturing 3

Extreme Danger Areas
When performing tasks such as disk grinding with lots
of flying debris, protect your eyes by adding a full-face
shield over safety glasses.
Just Do It!
Be a trendsetter—wear safety glasses even when oth-
ers don’t. Modern CNC equipment usually has contain-
ment shielding so the operator feels safe from flying
metal particles, but don’t forget you must occasionally
walk through the shop and pass by other unprotected
machines. Make safety glasses a habit by putting them
on when entering the shop. Here’s an attitude check:
You’ve got it right when you feel strange without your
safety glasses. No kidding, I’ve gone home still wearing
them! If those provided aren’t comfortable, then find an
industrial safety supplier and buy a pair just right for Figure 1-3 Machinists protect their hearing when shop noise
you—that’s the kind of pro we’re talking about. is loud or high pitched. ©McGraw-Hill Education/Photography
by Prographics
1.1.2 Hearing Protection
Machine shops can be noisy places. Some operations
are loud enough to cause hearing loss over time. Pre-
vent permanent damage right now while your hear- TRADE TIP
ing is good. Get in the habit of wearing ear protection
(Fig. 1-3) where noise gets above moderate—see the Hearing Is Your Primary Control Protecting your hearing is
more than personal. Just as when driving a car, the machinist almost
chart. The two common types of hearing protection are always hears a problem developing before seeing it, especially on
expandable foam inserts that fit every ear shape and the fast CNC equipment.
muff type that fit over your ears.

Typical Range of Common Sounds

Chain Saw
Snowmobile including wind effects
Diesel Locomotive at 50 ft
Heavy Truck at 50 ft
Motorcycle
Power Lawnmower
Subway Including Screech Noise
Pleasure Motorboat
Train Passenger
Food Disposer
Automobile at 50 ft
Automobile Passenger
Home Shop Tools
Food Blender
Vacuum Cleaner
Air Conditioner (window unit)
Clothes Dryer
Washing Machine
Refrigerator

Measurement Location 40 50 60 70 80 90 100 110 120

Outdoors Maximum A-Weighted Sound Level in dB
Operator / Passenger
In Home
Source: Protective Noise Levels, EPA, 1979, pg. 5.

4 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing

 Earplugs remove the loud spikes but allow controlled
hearing. For extreme situations, earmuffs are supplied
by your employer. Either way, don’t give away your most
immediate control sense by not protecting it. And by the
way, to control your machine it is important to not use
personal music earphones—sorry, but they’re not ac-
ceptable when running a machine.

1.1.3 Shop Clothing

The main danger of loose clothing is that it can be
caught by moving machinery—but you already knew
that. Although Fig. 1-4 was set up, really being caught
in a machine is no fun—think about it! Wear noth-
ing loose—sleeves, necklaces, untucked shirts—
Figure 1-5 Two hot chips melted onto this nylon windbreaker
nothing! Well-fit natural fibers such as cotton or while the center one went completely through to possibly burn
wool, without pockets or tie cords hanging out, are the person within! Courtesy Mike Fitzpatrick
essential.
Why Natural Fibers?
The shavings made when cutting metal are called chips.
They’re hot, as much as 1,000°. While today’s CNC ma-
chines won’t operate with the safety guard open, many
older machines will. Flying hot chips must be dealt
with. As we study machine operation we’ll see several
ways to control them, but one action the pro takes is the
kind of fabrics worn on the job.
When hot chips contact synthetic fibers such as
polyester, rayon, or nylon, they stick, then melt through
(Fig. 1-5). So your shirt or pants are ruined and the hot
metal is held against your skin. Ouch! Not only that, but
that makes it hard to concentrate on the task at hand.
An apron or shop coat can be a good choice. But be
aware that not all are designed for machining. Some are
made for lab work, where machinery won’t grab loose
ties or pockets. Find one with internal pockets and no
loose belts tied in front. Long sleeves are not smart for
obvious reasons. A professional approach is to keep a
short-sleeved work shirt in your locker.
How About Shoes?
Your work shoes have three safety aspects. I’ll bet the third
one will surprise you. Work shoes provide the following:
• Protection for your feet from falling objects
• Nonslip soles designed for a shop where chips,
coolants, and oils are often on the floor
• Protection from fatigue
Athletic shoes are a poor choice. Even though com-
fortable, they aren’t designed to stand up to a shop
environment.
Figure 1-4 Seriously, loose clothing does get caught in Steel Toes Shoes or boots with steel toe caps are better
moving machinery! ©McGraw-Hill Education/Photography by Prographics than shoes without and may be required on the job.

Chapter 1 Professionalism in Manufacturing 5

No matter how careful you are, there’s always the in-
evitable falling heavy object. Don’t fall for the old tale
that someone knows someone who had his or her toes
severed by the steel insert collapsing when something
really heavy fell on it. Think about it: If the thing was
that heavy, it would have done the same damage with or
without the steel protection!

SHOPTALK
Quality Could Be Linked to Good Work Shoes or Boots As
a machinist, you’re going to be on your feet all day, usually on
concrete. Guess when most folks make the most mistakes. That’s
right, at the end of the day when they’re tired. Good-quality work
shoes offset some of the problems and help keep your mind
sharp.

No Accessories
Jewelry catches on moving machinery (Fig. 1-6). Here’s
another aspect you may not know: Jewelry also con-
ducts electricity and heat. In addition to the safety as-
pect, jewelry should be left in your locker.
Hair Up
Think about this: Would you reach up and pull a hand-
ful of hair out of your scalp? Painful but that would be
just a few hairs! So now, imagine a machine wrapping
up most of your hair along with a patch of scalp. No
kidding! I’ve seen it happen twice with my own eyes Figure 1-7 Hair does catch on moving machinery. Keep it out
(Fig. 1-7). It gets caught up by static electricity produced of harm’s way. ©McGraw-Hill Education/Photography by Prographics
during machining and is blown by the air currents
swirling around moving tools. A hair band, a bandana, or a hat is right to wear when your hair is long enough
to be caught.
That’s it. With these dress-for-success guidelines,
you’re ready to step into the shop and, if you see the
bigger picture, into a career.

UNIT 1-1 REVIEW

Replay the Key Points

• Eye protection is best if it’s comfortable.
• Safety glasses will bear the mark Z87 or Z87.1 on
the earpiece if they have passed strict testing and
are acceptable for shop work.
• Ear protection is necessary in many work areas.
• Well-fitting coats or aprons made of natural fibers
Figure 1-6 Jewelry is dangerous. It catches on machines and are best.
chips and conducts heat and electricity. ©McGraw-Hill Education/
Photography by Prographics • Footwear must be designed for shop use and comfort.

6 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing

 • Athletic shoes, although comfortable at first, do TERMS TOOLBOX
not stand up to the shop environment.
Choker strap A nylon strap that cinches tightly around
• Any loose item is a danger, including jewelry heavy objects with a strong eye loop on each end to be at-
and hair. tached to the crane.
Heat lot number The original quality control number
Respond for a specific metal bar.
1. Are yellow-tinted safety glasses acceptable in Intervertebral disk (disk) The flexible cushion be-
tween spinal vertebrae that can be damaged by the wrong
the shop? Are brown- or green-tinted glasses lifting techniques.
acceptable?
Jib crane A heavy lifting device that may be fastened to
2. Describe the two reasons to avoid synthetic fibers a wall or column to swing in an arc or on portable rollers
and wear natural fiber clothing when running and often called a cherry picker.
machines. Traceability The ability to link a given bar of metal from
3. What are three aspects of footwear with regard to “birth” all the way to its final shape and individual serial
number.
safety?
4. Why is hearing such a vital issue for a machinist?
5. For what two reasons does long hair become tan- 1.2.1 Lifting Heavy Materials
gled in moving machines?
Always Use a Machine If You Can!
After all, we are machinists. The very last thing we use
to get a job done is muscle power (Fig. 1-8). In most fa-
Unit 1-2 Handling Materials cilities, you will find one or more of these devices:
• Overhead cranes moving on rails
Introduction: Working in a machine shop requires the • Rolling lift tables
use of many materials. Some are technical chemicals
• Floor jacks for flat pallets of workpieces and boxes
with specific precautions and earth issues. Some are
consumables meant to be used up but not wasted. Oth- • Forklift trucks
ers are heavy and expensive. This unit lays out the ways • Portable jib cranes, often called “cherry pickers”
to handle them all—like a pro. Doing so is an excellent • Jib cranes fastened to a column to pivot around a
way to demonstrate a well-tuned attitude. circular area

a. b. c.

Figure 1-8 Smart machinists use equipment, not muscle, to lift heavy objects. ©McGraw-Hill Education/Photography by Prographics at
Milwaukee Area Technical College

Chapter 1 Professionalism in Manufacturing 7

Use Your Legs (and Your Head), Not Your Back into a long lever with the pivot point right at her lower
However, there comes a time when lifting by mus- back. This wrong action causes pressure in the range of
cle power is the only way to get the job done. At these hundreds of pounds per square inch right on the lower
times, the wise machinist asks for help. Two lifters are back. In contrast, the person on the right, bent at the
better than one. In North America, it’s estimated that knees, is focusing the pressure on his leg muscles, not
two of five adults suffer from back pain that could have his back.
been prevented.
Here’s the point: It doesn’t happen later in life; it starts Disks in Your Back
right now—today! Unlike the common view, common Now focus on that pressure point, the lower back. Your
back injuries don’t actually happen catastrophically— spine is well engineered with cushions between the
during one bad lift! They are the product of lifting vertebrae, called intervertebral disks (or just disks).
wrong over a long time. Everyone has heard about the They provide flexibility and they absorb shock. They also
straight back, bent legs method. It’s best, but why? keep the vertebrae apart so nerves are not pinched as you
To understand, let’s look at your spine as a piece move. Disks are critical and can be damaged (Fig. 1-10).
of machinery: A human lifter is a crane of sorts. In When they are damaged, it can really hurt and even im-
Fig. 1-9, the person on the left has turned her back mobilize you!

Shorter lever

Longer lever

More disk Less disk

compression compression
Back muscles,
more force Less use of
back muscles,
less force
Spine Spine
(a) Wrong way to lift. (b) Right way to lift.

Figure 1-9 Lifting the wrong way and the right way. The worker on the left is setting up a painful future! Note that the spinal disk
is under a lot more pressure because she is bending her back, not her knees.

8 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing

 Tough, multilayer elastic
sacs will break with repeated
incorrect lifting, resulting in
a final rupture of the last
layer, collapsing the disk.

Sacs
Fluid center

Figure 1-10 A spinal disk is a tough, multilayered shock

absorber. But lifting incorrectly can cause progressive damage,
leading to a disaster in the future.

The disks are tough, fluid-filled sacs with several

layers containing the fluid center. Lifting wrong over-
pressurizes them, resulting in a blowout. Here’s the part
most people do not know: When the disks first stretch
and break, it’s an inner layer or two that goes, and usu-
ally the injured person doesn’t even know. The layers
do not often break all at once! But, with continued bad
technique, the last one finally ruptures, resulting in
enough pain that the person cannot stand up straight!

KEYPOINT
Lifting wrong is not only the start of a painful future; it also creates a
poor professional image.

Figure 1-11 Use a crane and choker to haul heavy bars, while
an assistant helps control the metal bar! ©McGraw-Hill Education/
Carrying Materials Photography by Prographics at Milwaukee Area Technical College
Another aspect of handling heavy objects is carrying
long bars of metal. Be cautious of the forward end—it’s
WARNING: Crane Overswing
a ram! If the bar is too heavy to safely hand carry (be-
yond 40 pounds) or if it’s over 8 feet long, there are two A suspended heavy bar is a mass in motion that can’t
acceptable methods: “stop on a dime.” It will swing forward when you stop
pushing or driving the crane forward. Anticipate a short
1. Crane Carry—One Person swing forward upon stopping (Fig. 1-11).
In the unbalanced carry, hold the bar with a Heavy lifting is a skill requiring knowledge of rig-
nylon choker strap near the leading edge and ging (the lifting devices that contact the work), lift
pull the remaining bar along on the floor using machines, and the physics of lifting. Due to the spe-
the overhead crane. One person can perform cialized skills and knowledge required, many shops
this carry by being at the forward end. A choker employ a lifting crew. But this subject is also considered
strap is a strong nylon flat strap with loop ends part of the machinist’s duty. If you are the slightest
that slip closed with pressure. Your instructor or bit unsure about how to lift or move an object,
shop lead will demonstrate this aspect of lifting. get help.
2. Two Person
For the balanced carry, choke the bar near the mid-
dle and carry it with both ends off the floor. This KEYPOINT
requires a second person to walk at the leading Never reach under or, worse, walk under a heavy object during a lift.
edge, to prevent hitting people or objects (Fig. 1-12).

Chapter 1 Professionalism in Manufacturing 9

 products. In situations where lives could be at stake,
once the heat lot number (the original manufactur-
ing quality control number) is lost, the metal is not only
worthless; it’s also illegal to use!
When the design specs must be followed exactly, as
in making airplane parts, for example, a continuous his-
tory must be traceable from the foundry to final part
number. This is known as traceability. A specific part
will have a specific number assigned to it, called the se-
rial number (S/N). The manufacturer must be able to
provide documents tracing the S/N to the heat lot of the
metal’s original manufacturer. Material can be tested in
an independent lab and then recertified, but that’s more
costly than just buying more metal!
One of several good methods of storing metals is a
rack. Note that the bars cannot fall out of the safety stor-
age rack and that short bars are not kept here. “Shorts”
are kept on smaller shelves where they won’t fall through.
Note that they are sorted by type and alloy such that the
color-coded identification is facing out (Fig. 1-13). Later,
we’ll take a look at material identifications and alloys.

KEYPOINT
These are not small details. You must have exactly the right material
for the design, and it often must be kept in storage for a specific job.
Figure 1-12 Two people hand carry long bars by preventing
the leading edge from harming people and objects. ©McGraw-Hill
Education/Photography by Prographics at Milwaukee Area Technical College

UNIT 1-2 REVIEW

1.2.2 Storing Metals
Our school has received many donations of expensive
metal from local shops because careless workers cut Replay the Key Points
the color-coded identification off the bar end or lost the • Always use a lifting device for your first choice.
identification tag. Once gone, the bar is useless in most • If physical lifting is absolutely necessary, get
cases, especially when the shop makes people-moving help—all should bend their knees.

Figure 1-13 Correctly stored and color-code-identified raw materials. Source: Pacific Machinery & Tool Steel Co.

10 Part 1 Introduction to Manufacturing

Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
years of age, in the most approved method of saying “Turn Out.” So far
indeed has our zeal in this laudable undertaking carried us, that we have
actually communicated our ideas upon the subject to a lady, who, to quote
from her own advertisement, “enjoys the advantages of an excellent
education, an unblemished character, and an amiable disposition.” We are
happy to inform our friends and the public in general that Mrs. Simkins has
promised to devote her attention to this branch of female education. By the
end of next month she hopes to be quite competent to the instruction of
pupils in every mode of expressing “Turn Out”—the Distant Hint, the Silent
Bow, the Positive Cut, the Courteous Repulse, and the Absolute Rejection.
We trust that due encouragement will be given to a scheme of such general
utility.
In the meantime, until such academy, or seminary, or establishment shall
be opened, we invite our fair readers to the study of an excellent model in
the person of Caroline Mowbray. Caroline has now seven-and-twenty
lovers, all of whom have successively been in favour, and have been
successively turned out. Yet so skilfully has she modified her severity, that
in most cases she has destroyed hope without extinguishing love: the
victims of her caprice continue her slaves, and are proud of her hand in the
dance, although they despair of obtaining it at the altar. The twenty-seventh
name was added to the list of her admirers last week, and was (with the
most heartfelt regret we state it) no less a personage than the Hon. Gerard
Montgomery. Alas! unfortunate Gerard!

Quantâ laboras in Charybdi,

Digne puer meliore flammâ.

He had entertained us for some time with accounts of the preference with
which he was honoured by this miracle of obduracy, and at last, by dint of
long and earnest entreaty, prevailed upon us to be ourselves witness to the
power he had obtained over her affections. We set out therefore, not without
a considerable suspicion of the manner in which our expedition would
terminate, and inwardly anticipated the jests which “The King of Clubs”
would infallibly broach upon the subject of Gerard’s “Turn Out.”
Nothing occurred of any importance during our ride. Gerard talked much
of Cupids, and Hymen; but, inasmuch as we were not partakers of his
passion, we could not reasonably be expected to partake of his inspiration.
 Upon our arrival at Mowbray Lodge we were shown into a room so
crowded with company that we almost fancied we had been ushered into
the Earl’s levee instead of his daughter’s drawing-room. The eye of a lover,
however, was more keen. Gerard soon perceived the Goddess of the Shrine
receiving the incense of adulation from a crowd of votaries. Amongst these
he immediately enrolled himself, while we, apprehensive that our company
might be troublesome to him, hung back, and became imperceptibly
engaged in conversation with some gentlemen of our acquaintance. To
speak the truth, on our way to the Lodge these “Thoughts on Turn Out” had
been the subject of our reveries, and whatever expressions or opinions we
heard around us appeared to coincide with the cogitations with which we
were occupied. We first became much interested in the laments of an old
gentleman who was bewailing the “Turn Out” of a friend at the last election
for the county of——. Next we listened to an episode from a dandy, who
was discussing the extraordinary coat “turned out” by Mr. Michael Oakley
at the last county ball. Finally, we were engaged in a desperate argument
with a Wykehamist, upon the comparative degree of talent “turned out”
from each of the public schools during the last ten years. Of course we
proceeded to advocate the cause of our foster-mother against the
pretensions of our numerous and illustrious rivals. Alas! we felt our
unworthiness to stand forward as Etona’s panegyrist, but we made up in
enthusiasm what we wanted in ability. We ran over with volubility the
names of those thrice-honoured models, whose deserved success is
constantly the theme of applause and the life-spring of emulation among
their successors. We had just brought our catalogue down to the names of
our more immediate forerunners, and were dwelling with much
complacency on the abilities which have during the last few years so nobly
supported the fair fame of Eton at the Universities, when our eye was
caught by the countenance of our hon. friend, which at this moment wore an
appearance of such unusual despondence, that we hastened immediately to
investigate the cause. Upon inquiry, we learned that Montgomery was most
romantically displeased, because Caroline had refused to sing an air of
which he was passionately fond. We found we had just arrived in time for
the finale of the dispute. “And so you can’t sing this to oblige me?” said
Gerard. Caroline looked refusal. “I shall know better than to expect such a
condescension again,” said Gerard, with a low sigh. “Tant mieux!” said
Caroline, with a low curtsey. The audience were unanimous in an unfeeling
laugh, in the midst of which Gerard made a precipitate retreat, or, as
O’Connor expresses it, “ran away like mad,” and we followed him as well
as we could, though certainly not passibus æquis. As we moved to the door
we could hear sundry criticisms on the scene. “Articles of ejectment!” said
a limb of the law. “The favourite distanced!” cried a Newmarket squire. “I
did not think the breach practicable!” observed a gentleman in regimentals.
We overtook the unfortunate object of all these comments about a hundred
yards from the house. His wobegone countenance might well have stopped
our malicious disposition to jocularity; nevertheless we could not refrain
from whispering in his ear, “Gerard! a decided turn out!” “I beg your
pardon,” said the poor fellow, mingling a smile’ for his pun with a tear for
his disappointment, “I beg your pardon; I consider it a decided take in.”
 SOLITUDE IN A CROWD.

“This is to be alone; this, this is solitude.”—Byron.

Reader! Were you ever alone in a crowd? If not, thank your stars, and
bestow a grain of pity upon those who must return a different response to
the question. A crowded solitude, if we may use such a strange expression,
is, in sober sadness, as melancholy a sensation as human nature is capable
of enduring.
A crowded solitude! If you are young, thoughtless, and talkative, you
will be astonished at the idea; and there will be nothing extraordinary in
your surprise. The ancient poets—poor ignorant souls!—have given us a
very different description of being alone. They have defined various kinds
of solitude, suited to various descriptions of men; but all of them are alike
founded on mistaken notions and groundless prejudice. Were we to follow
their opinions, we should place the solitude of the lover in whispering
groves, purling rills, and moonlight; that of the sage in a library or an
observatory; that of the poet in a dish of vegetables and a Sabine farm; and
à fortiori, that of the Etonian in an uncarpeted domicile, with a fractured
window on the one side and a smoking fire on the other. Is this solitude?
Far from it! We must most strenuously contend that true solitude is to be
found in a multitude.
We are aware that the solitude we are now discussing is not that which is
generally understood by the term. Many persons have probably never heard
of any but a corporeal solitude; that which we are describing is mental. The
one is to be found in caves and Caucasus; the other in theatres and
Almack’s. The former delights in moonshine—the latter in candelabras; the
first sets a great value upon the silence and pure air of the country—the
second gives the preference to the noise and squeeze of the fashionable
world; and which of these is real solitude—the corporeal, which is removed
from the sight and hearing of all objects; or the mental, which both hears
and sees a variety of things, and is utterly unconscious that it does either?
We are distrustful of our powers of description, and will therefore
endeavour to illustrate our meaning by examples. We are provided with
plenty, for we have still in our recollection Lady Mordaunt’s last “At
Home.” All the world was there. Whist, music, dancing, and last, not least,
eating, were all going on in the usual style at the same time; the squeeze in
the rooms was beyond parallel in the annals of ton; and of course we found
more solitude in that evening than we had done throughout the whole
season. We made our entrée when her ladyship was in her highest glory: she
was bowing to one, smiling to another, and curtseying to a third, and
straining every nerve and feature to do the proper to all her guests: this,
however, was as impossible as the number of her satellites was
innumerable; the tumult was tremendous; and there was so much bowing,
and begging pardon, and getting out of the way, that it was quite
impracticable to advance or recede a step. Good breeding and bare elbows
were thrust in our faces alternately; we with difficulty preserved our toes
from the frequent attacks made on them by kid slippers, and with still
greater difficulty preserved our hearts from the sweet smiles that said “I beg
ten thousand pardons.” It was a vortex of delight, and we were hurried so
rapidly in its eddies, that much time elapsed ere we were able to collect our
editorial serenity, in order to make a few observations on the scene before
us.
The multitude at length began very slowly to diminish; and, having
lodged ourselves in an unperceived corner of the music-room, we
proceeded, according to our ancient custom, to speculate upon character.
Our attention was first attracted by a tall gentleman of a very noble
appearance, who was leaning against a pillar, in an attitude of profound
meditation. His dress was after the English fashion, but the cast of his
features, and his short curling hair, sufficiently denoted him to be a
foreigner. His eyes were fixed directly upon us, but we satisfied our
curiosity by an attentive survey, without fear of detection, as his mind was
evidently some furlongs distant. Upon inquiry we heard that he was an
Indian chieftain, by name Teioninhokarawn (we have doubts as to the
correctness of our orthography). He had done considerable services to the
British arms in the American war, and had now been invited by her ladyship
as the lion of the evening. He had been surrounded without intermission by
a tribe of quizzers, loungers, and laughers, but one glance was sufficient to
convince us that Teioninhokarawn was—alone.
We observed Lady Georgiana Wilmot standing at the other side of the
room, the very picture of fatigue. She had been singing much, and was
evidently quite exhausted. Λ young star of fashion was moving towards her
with a languishing step; and, as we had a strong curiosity to hear his
address, we changed our station for that purpose. “‘Pon my soul,” the
gentleman began with a bow, “you are divine to-night.” “Am I?” said the
lady, with a vacant gaze. “Never heard you in better voice,” returned her
assailant. Her ladyship knew it was the tone of flattery, so she smiled, but
she had neither spirits nor sense sufficient to attempt an answer. We
immediately decided that Lady Georgiana was—alone.
We next proceeded to the card-room. At first the din, and the disputing,
and the quarrelling was so loud, that we doubted whether we should find
any solitude there; but another look convinced us of our mistake. Lord
Mowbray was evidently—alone. He was walking up and down, deliberating
whether he should sacrifice his conscience or his place at to-morrow’s
division. Not less apparent was the solitude of the Duchess of Codille;
although her Grace was busily engaged at cassino with a select party of
right honourables. She had been for a long time alone in the contemplation
of her new brocade, and was recalled into company by the vociferation of
her partner, “Rat me if I ever saw your Grace play so ill!”
We were about to retire to the ball-room, when we remarked our noble
hostess reclining on an ottoman, seemingly quite exhausted with
fashionable fatigue. She was still, however, exerting herself to do the
agréable, and was talking with appalling rapidity to every one who
approached her, although utterly unconscious of what she heard or said. We
advanced to pay our respects, and were saluted with “Ah, my lord! what has
kept you away so long? And there’s Ellen, poor thing, dying to see you!
Ellen, love!” With some difficulty we explained to her ladyship that she was
mistaken as to our rank. “Eh! Mon Dieu! Sir Charles,” she exclaimed.
“Pardonnez—but I’m really dead with ennui.” We allowed ourselves to be
knighted without further explanation, and made a precipitate retreat, for we
perceived that her ladyship, after the labour of the evening, would be very
glad to be—alone.
The first survey we took of the ball-room presented us with nothing but
cheerful faces and laughing eyes; at the second, we discovered even here
much and melancholy loneliness. There were moralists without sense, and
country squires without acquaintance; beaux without a thought, and belles
without a partner. We hastened to make a closer study of the various
characters which presented themselves.
 We first addressed ourselves to Mr. Morris, a respectable Member of
Parliament, with whom we had become acquainted the year before in
Norfolk. “What! you’re not a dancer, Mr. Morris?” we began. “By the Lord,
sir,” he returned, “if this Bill passes——” We passed on, much vexed that
we had intruded on our worthy friend’s solitude.
We were hastening to accost Maria Kelly, a very interesting girl, whose
lover had lately left this country for Minorca, when we were attracted by a
conversation between an exquisite and our old acquaintance, General Brose.
“Ah! General,” said the dandy, “how long have you ceased to foot it?”
“Foot!” interrupted the General, “by Jupiter! their cavalry was ten thousand
strong.” The old man was decidedly—alone.
Before we could reach the recess in which Maria was sitting, she had
been assailed by an impertinent. “May I have the honour and felicity——”
he began. The poor girl started from her reverie with a sort of vacant gaze,
and replied, “He sailed last Tuesday, sir!” “Sola in siccâ,” said the
impertinent, and lounged on. We had not the barbarity to speak to her.
Old Tom Morley, the misanthrope, had been admiring a wax taper in an
unthinking sort of way ever since we entered the room. We went up,
prepared to be witty upon him; but we had hardly opened our mouth when
he cut us short with “For God’s sake leave me alone!” and we left him—
alone. We were proceeding in our observations, when we saw Ellen
Mordaunt, the beautiful daughter of our hostess, surrounded by a set of
dashing young officers, at the other end of the room. We had just began to
examine the features of one of them, who was somewhat smitten, and
appeared prodigiously alone, when the idol herself turned upon us that
bright and fascinating eye,

Which but to see is to admire,

And—oh! forgive the word—to love!

We had originally inserted here a rhapsody on Ellen’s glance, which would

have occupied, as our printer assures us, three pages and a half; but, in
mercy to our friends, we have erased this, and shall content ourselves with
stating that we were alone for at least ten minutes, before we recollected
that it was five o’clock, and that we ought to think of retiring from the
solitude of Lady Mordaunt’s “At Home.”
 POLITENESS AND POLITESSE.

“I cannot bear a French metropolis.”—Johnson.

We have headed our article with two words which are very often, and
certainly very improperly, confounded together. Nobody needs to be told
that the one is from the English, the other from the French vocabulary; but
there may perhaps be some who will be surprised to hear that the one
expresses an English, the other a French quality.
Frown if you will, Monsieur Duclos, we must maintain that the English
are the only people who have a true idea of politeness. If we are wrong, our
error may be excused for the feeling which prompts it; but we believe we
are right, and we will try to make our readers believe so.
The English are kind in their politeness—the French are officious in
their politesse; the politeness of the English is shown in actions—the
politesse of the French evaporates in sound; English politeness is always
disinterested—French politesse is too often prompted by selfishness.
When we consider the various forms of these qualities, we appear to be
discriminating between the rival merits of two contending beauties, who
reign with equal dominion, and divide the admiration of an adoring world.
There are many who prefer the ingenious delicacy of politeness, and we
congratulate them on their truly English feeling; there are perhaps more
who are attracted by the coquettish vivacity of politesse, and we do not
envy them their French taste.
A variety of instances of both these traits must have occurred to
everybody, but as everybody does not behold the shades of character
through the exact medium of an editorial microscope, we will endeavour to
bring out more distinctly those examples which seem to us to bear
immediately on the subject.
When you dine with old Tom Hardy, he gives you little more than a joint
of meat, a bottle of excellent port, and a hearty welcome; when Lord Urban
“requests the honour” of your company, you are greeted with every delicacy
the season can afford; you are pampered with every wine, “from humble
port to imperial tokay,” and you are put to the blush by every form of
adulation that a wish to be civil can devise. Yet we had rather dine once
with Tom Hardy than a hundred times with Lord Urban; for the mutton of
the one is cooked by politeness, and the turtle of the other is dressed by
politesse.
About a month ago, as we were shooting in the north of England with
the son of a celebrated Tory baronet, we were encountered by Mr. Ayscott, a
landed proprietor notorious for his Whig principles. We were somewhat
surprised to see the latter divest himself of all prejudices in a moment; he
came up to our companion with the greatest appearance of cordiality, shook
him by the hand, reminded him that politics ought not to interfere among
friends, knew he was fond of dancing, and hoped to see him frequently at
Ayscott. Now this really looked like politeness; for politeness is that feeling
which prompts us to make others happy and pleased with themselves, and
which for this purpose puts off all dislike, all party spirit, all affectation of
superiority. But when we were informed the next day that Mr. Ayscott had
seven marriageable daughters, we decided that his behaviour was not
politeness, but politesse.
We remember, shortly after Mrs. C. Nugent eloped with an officer in the
dragoons, we were riding in Hyde Park with poor Charles, who
endeavoured to bear his loss unconcernedly, and betrayed not, except to a
close observer, the canker that preyed upon his heart. We were met in the
Park by Sir Harry Soulis, an intimate acquaintance of our friend. He was
riding at a brisk pace, but the moment he observed us he pulled up, and his
flexible features immediately assumed the appearance of unfeigned
sympathy. He came up to us, and began, “Ah Charles! How are you? How
is this unfortunate business to end? I feel for you, Charles! Upon my soul, I
feel for you! You know you may command me in anything”—and he rode
on with the same air of nonchalance that he had first worn. Immediately
afterwards we met Colonel Stanhope, who also halted, and entered into
conversation. He inquired after our friend’s health, addressed a few
indifferent remarks to us on the weather, bowed, and passed on. We are sure
Nugent felt, as we should have felt under such circumstances: Soulis had
wounded his feelings—Stanhope had spared them. The officiousness of the
former was politesse—the silence of the latter was politeness.
But their distinct shades were never so fully impressed upon our minds
as upon a visit which we lately paid to two gentlemen, during a short tour.
The first specimen of their dissimilarity is to be found in the letters by
which we were invited to partake of their hospitality. They were as follows:
—
“As Mr. P. Courtenay will in the course of his tour be within a few miles
of Melville Lodge, Mr. Melville hopes that he will not turn southward
without allowing him, for one day at least, the gratification of his company.
“Melville Lodge, August 1820.”
“Dear Peregrine,—You’ll pass within eyeshot of my windows on your
way to Eastbourne. I am sure you’ll stop a moment to ask your old friend
how he does, and we will try to detain you for the night.
“Yours, as sincerely as ever,
“Marmaduke Warren.
“P.S. The girls would send love if I’d let ’em.
“Hastings, August 1820.”
Our first visit was paid at Melville Lodge. We have known Mr. Melville
long, and we know him to be one who is generally actuated by good
motives; and when he is swayed by interested ones is himself unconscious
of the fact. On the whole, his character is such that when he is absent we
feel the strongest inclination to like him, and when we are in his company
we feel an equally strong inclination to say, “Mr. Melville, you are a fool.”
We arrived at the Lodge in good time to prepare for dinner, with its usual
accompaniments of bows from our host, compliments from our hostess, and
smiles from their daughters. A small party was invited to meet us, which
somewhat diminished the frequency of the compliments we were doomed
to undergo, while it rendered those which were actually forced upon us
infinitely more distressing. We pass over the civilities we received at dinner,
the care taken to force upon us the choicest morsels of fish, flesh, and fowl;
the attention with which Mr. Melville assured us that we were drinking his
very best champagne. We hasten to take notice of the far more perplexing
instances of politesse which rendered miserable the evening. When tea and
coffee had been disposed of, the Misses Melville sat down to the piano;
and, as we are passionately fond of music, and the ladies excel in it, we
should have been perfectly happy if we had been allowed to enjoy that
happiness unmolested. Diis aliter visum est. Our sisters were known to be
tolerable singers; à fortiori, we must be downright nightingales ourselves.
Upon the word of an editor, we never committed any further outrage upon
harmony than what takes place when we join in the chorus of our witty
associate Mr. Golightly or our well-meaning friend Mr. O’Connor, and we
were now required to assist the Misses Melville in “La mia Dorabella.”
Horrible idea! Peregrine Courtenay warbling Italian! His Majesty of Clubs
sinking into an opera-singer! Politesse was sure he could sing—politesse
knew he had a sweet voice—politesse knew we only refused from modesty.
Politesse was disappointed, however, for we were immovably determined
not to be made a fool. Nevertheless we felt somewhat uncomfortable at
being the subject of general observation, and this feeling was not
diminished by what followed. Politesse, in the shape of Mrs. Melville,
whispered it about that the fat silent young gentleman in the black coat was
a great writer, who had published an extraordinary quantity of learning, and
was likely to publish an extraordinary quantity more. This was all intended
to flatter our vanity, and the consequence was that we were bored
throughout the remainder of the evening by hearing whispers around us, “Is
that the gentleman Mrs. Melville was speaking of?” “I guessed who he was
by the family likeness!” “I knew he was an author directly!” “How odd that
he should be so reserved!” At the suggestion of politesse Mrs. Melville next
discovered that we were precisely a year older than Kitty, and Mr. Melville
hinted in a loud whisper that the girl would have ten thousand pounds.
Finally, politesse prepared for us the great state bedroom; and, when we
retired, insisted upon it that we had spent a most miserable evening. Alas!
Politeness had hardly the grace to contradict politesse upon this point.
How different was the reception we received on the following day! Our
old friend Mr. Warren rose from his armchair as we entered, with a look that
set formality at defiance; Mrs. Warren put by her work to observe how
much we were grown; and their two daughters greeted with a smile,
beautiful because it was unaffected, the scarce-remembered playmate of
their childhood. The flowers which Elizabeth was painting, the landscape
which Susan was designing, were not hastily concealed at the approach of
their guest; nor was our old acquaintance Shock, who was our favourite
puppy ten years ago, driven in his old age from the parlour rug at the
appearance of an idler dog than himself. The few friends who met us at
dinner were not prepared to annoy us by accounts of our abilities and
attainments. The conversation was general and entertaining; and on
reconsideration we perceived that Mr. Warren took pains to draw out what
talent we possessed, although we could not at the same time perceive that
such was the object of his attention. In the evening Elizabeth entertained us
with Handel and Mozart, and Susan sang us some simple airs, in a voice
perhaps the more engaging because it was uncultivated. We were allowed to
enjoy the “melody of sweet sounds” unmolested and unobserved. The
quadrille which followed was not danced with the less spirit because the
Brussels carpet supplied the place of a chalked floor, and a single pianoforte
was substituted for the formality of a band. We were happy—because we
were permitted to enjoy our happiness in our own way; we were amused—
because we did not perceive the efforts which were made for our
amusement. “This,” we exclaimed, as we buttoned our coat, and proceeded
on our journey the next morning—“this is real politeness.”
In spite of the endeavours of those who would dress our native manners
in a Parisian costume, politesse will never be the motive by which England
as a nation will be characterized. As long as France shall be the mother of
light heads, and Britain of warm hearts, the Frenchman will show his
politesse by the profundity of his bow, and the Englishman will prove his
politeness by the cordiality of his welcome. Who is not content that it
should be so?
 A WINDSOR BALL.
We have often thought that the endeavours of a dancing master go but a
very little way to prepare a lady for a ball. Were it possible to procure such
an acquisition, we should recommend to our sisters not only a maître à
danser, but a maître à parler, inasmuch as it is usually much easier to dance
than to talk. One does not immediately see why it should be so; dancing and
talking are in a ball-room equally mechanical qualifications; they differ
indeed in this, that the former requires a “light fantastic toe,” and the other a
light fantastic tongue. But for mind—seriously speaking, there is no more
mind developed in small-talk than there is in chassez à droit.
We do not admire the taste of Etonians who dislike dancing; we are not
of the number of those who go to a ball for the purpose of eating ice. On the
contrary, we adore waltzing, and feel our English aversion for the French
much diminished when we recollect that we derive from them Vestris and
quadrilles. Nevertheless, if anything could diminish the attachment we feel
for this our favourite amusement, it would be that we must occasionally
submit to dangle at the heels of an icy partner, as beautiful, and, alas! as
cold as the Venus de’ Medicis; whose look is torpor, whose speech is
monosyllables; who repulses all efforts at conversation, until the austerity,
or the backwardness of her demeanour, awes her would-be adorer into a
silence as deep as her own. Now all this gravity of demeanour, in the
opinion of some people, is a proof of wisdom: we know not how this may
be, but for our own part we think with the old song, “’Tis good to be merry
and wise,” and if we cannot have both—why, then the merry without the
wise.
These are the ideas which occur to us upon looking back to the last time
that we heard “Voulez vous danser?” played at the Town Hall. Start not, fair
reader! do not throw us into the fire; we will not be very libellous; and if
you shall erroneously suppose that your own defects have afforded matter
for our malicious pen, we are sure your indignation will forthwith subside
when you recollect that you may possibly have listened to the colloquial
raptures of Gerard Montgomery, or been honoured with an editorial tête-à-
tête by the condescension of Peregrine Courtenay. Think over your
favourite partners. Did any one ask your opinion of the Bill of Pains and
Penalties? It could be no one but Sir Francis Wentworth. Did any one hold
forth upon the beauties of a Scotch reel? Of a surety it was Mr. Alexander
M‘Farlane. Did any one observe to you that a quadrille was a “strange
cross-road, and very hilly?” Doubt not but it was the all-accomplished
Robert Musgrave. Did any one remark upon the immorality of waltzing?
Thrice-honoured fair one! You have danced with Martin Sterling.
Alas! we intended, as Mr. Musgrave would say, to drive straight to the
Town Hall, and we have got out of our road a full page. It is indeed a cruel
delay in us, for we know, reader, say what you will, you have been all the
time turning over the leaf to meet with a spice of scandal. Well, then,
suppose all preliminaries adjusted; suppose us fairly lodged in the ball-
room, with no other damage than a ruined Cavendish and a dirtied pump;
and suppose us immediately struck dumb by the intelligence that the
beautiful, the fascinating Louisa had left the room the moment before we
entered it. It was easy to perceive that something of the kind had occurred,
for the ladies were all looking happy. We bore our disappointment as well
as we could, and were introduced to Theodosia—— No! we will refrain
from surnames—— Theodosia is a woman of sense (we are told so, and we
are willing to believe it), but she is very unwilling that any one should find
it out. As in duty bound, we commenced, or endeavoured to commerce, a
conversation by general observations upon the room and the music. By-the-
by, we strongly recommend these generalities to our friends in all
conversations with strangers; they are quite safe, and can give no offence.
In our case, however, they were unavailing—no reply was elicited. A long
pause. We inquired whether the lady was fond of “The Lancers?” To our
utter astonishment we were answered with a blush and a frown which
would have put to silence a much more pertinacious querist than the
Etonian—we ventured not another word. Upon after-consideration, we are
sure that the lady was thinking of a set of dashing young officers instead of
a set of quadrilles.
We were next honoured by the hand of Emily. When we have said that
she is backward, beautiful, and seventeen, we have said all we know of the
enchanting Emily. Far be it from us to attack with unwarrantable severity
the unfortunate victim of mauvaise honte; we merely wish to suggest to one
for whose welfare we have a real regard, that modesty does not necessarily
imply taciturnity, and that the actual inconvenience of a silent tongue is not
altogether compensated by the poetical loquacity of a speaking eye.
 Being again left to ourselves, we sunk by degrees into a profound fit of
authorship, and were in imminent danger of becoming misanthropic, when
we were roused from our reverie by a tap on the shoulder from George
Hardy, and an inquiry, “what were our dreams?” We explained to him our
calamities, and assured him that, had it not been for his timely intervention,
we should certainly have died of silence. “Died of silence!” reiterated our
friend; “God forbid! when Corinna is in the room!” And so saying, he half-
led, half-dragged us to the other end of the room, and compelled us to make
our bow to a girl of lively manners, whom he described to us in a whisper
as “a perfect antidote for the sullens.” Our first impression was, “she is a
fool;” our second, “she is a wit;” our third, “she is something between
both!” Oh! that it were possible for us to commit to paper one-half of what
was uttered by Corinna! Our recollection of our tête-à-tête is like the
recollection of a dream. In dreams we remember that we were at one
moment in a mud-built cottage, and were the next transported to a Gothic
chapel, but by what means the transmutation of place was effected our
waking thoughts are unable to conceive. Thus it was when we listened to
Corinna. We were hurried from one topic to another with an unaccountable
velocity, but by what chain one idea was connected with its predecessor we
cannot imagine. The conversation (if conversation it may be called, where
the duty of talking devolves upon one person) set out with some mention of
fresco; from hence it turned off to Herculaneum, and then passed with
inconceivable rapidity through the following stages:—Rome—the
Parthenon—National Monument at Edinburgh—Edinburgh Review—
Blackwood—Ebony bracelets—Fashion of short sleeves—Fashion in
general dress in Queen Elizabeth’s time—“The Abbot”—Walter Scott—
Highland scenery. In the Highlands we lost our route for some minutes, and
soon afterwards found ourselves (we know not how) at Joannina, in
company with Ali Pasha. By this time we were thoroughly wearied, and
were unable to keep up regularly with our unfeeling conductress, so that we
have but a very faint idea of the places we visited. We remember being
dragged to the Giant at the Windsor Fair, from whence we paid a flying
visit to the Colossus of Rhodes; we attended Cato, the lady’s favourite pug,
during a severe illness, and were shortly after present at the Cato Street
conspiracy. We have some idea that after making the tour of the Lakes, we
set out to discover the source of the Nile. In our way thither we took a brief
survey of the Lake of Como, and were finally for some time immersed in
the Red Sea. This put the finishing stroke to our already fatigued senses. We
resigned ourselves, without another struggle, to the will and disposal of our
sovereign mistress, and for the next half-hour knew not to what quarter of
the globe we were conveyed. At the close of that period we awoke from our
trance, and found that Corinna had brought us into the Club-room, and was
discussing the characters of the members with a most unwarrantable
freedom of speech. Before we had time to remonstrate against this manifest
breach of privilege, we found ourselves in the gallery of the House of
Lords, and began to think we never should make our escape from this
amusing torture. Fortunately, at this moment a freeholder of—— entered
the room. One of the candidates was a friend of Corinna’s, and she hurried
from us, after a thousand apologies, to learn the state of the poll.

Sic nos servavit Apollo.[3]

Our next companion was Sappho the Blue-stocking. We enjoyed a

literary confabulation for some time, for which we beg our readers to
understand we are in every way qualified. The deep stores of our reading,
enlivened by the pungent readiness of our wit, are bonâ fide the admiration
of London as well as of Windsor belles; we beg our friends to have this in
mind whenever they sit down to peruse us. But to proceed. We very shortly
perceived that Sappho was enchanted with our erudition, and the manner in
which we displayed it. She was particularly pleased with our critiques on
“Zimmerman upon Solitude,” and was delighted by the praise we bestowed
(for the first time in our life) on Southey’s “Thalaba.” We had evidently
made considerable progress in her affections, when we ruined ourselves by
a piece of imprudence which we have since deeply regretted. We were
satirical—this satire is the devil!—we were satirical upon German
literature. The lady turned up her nose, turned down her eyes, bit her lip,
and looked—we cannot explain how she looked, but it was very terrific. We
have since heard she is engaged in translating Klopstock’s “Messiah” into
the Sanskrit.
We were next introduced to one of those ladies who are celebrated for
the extraordinary tact which they display in the discovery of the faults of
their sex. Catherine is indeed one of the leaders of the tribe. She has the
extraordinary talent which conveys the most sarcastic remarks in a tone of
the greatest kindness. In her the language of hatred assumes the garb of
affection, and the observation which is prompted by envy appears to be
dictated by compassion. If in her presence you bestow commendation upon
a rival, she assents most warmly to your opinion, and immediately destroys
its effect by a seemingly extorted “but.” We were admiring Sophia’s
beautiful hair. “Very beautiful!” said Catherine, “but she dresses it so ill!”
We made some allusion to Georgiana’s charming spirits. “She has
everlasting vivacity,” said Catherine, “but it’s a pity she is so indiscreet.”
Then followed something in a whisper which we do not feel ourselves at
liberty to repeat. We next were unguarded enough to find something very
fascinating in Amelia’s eyes. “Yes,” replied Catherine, “but then she has
such an unfortunate nose between them.” Finally, in a moment of imprudent
enthusiasm, we declared that we thought Maria the most interesting girl in
the room. We shall never (although we live, like our predecessors, Griffin
and Grildrig, to the good old age of forty numbers), we shall never, we
repeat, forget the “Some people think so!” with which our amiable auditress
replied to our exclamation. We saw we were disgraced, and, to say the truth,
were not a little pleased that we were no longer of Catherine’s Privy
Council.
Now all these ladies are foolish in their way. Theodosia is a silent fool,
Emily is a timid fool, Corinna is a talkative fool, Sappho is a learned fool,
and Catherine is a malicious fool. With their comparative degrees of moral
merit we have nothing to do; but in point of the agreeable, we hesitate not
to affirm that the silent fool is to us the more insupportable creature of the
five.
We lately were present at a large party, where an Etonian, for whom we
have a great esteem, was terribly abused by a witty Marchioness for his
inflexible taciturnity. Without entering upon the merits of this particular
case, let us be allowed to plead in behalf of our sex, that a gentleman may
be silent when a lady is silly, and that it is needless for a beau to be
entertaining where a belle is decidedly impracticable.
 LOVERS’ VOWS.

“What grace hast thou, thus to reprove

These worms for loving?” Shakespeare.

We were engaged the other day in making some purchases at Flint’s, when
Lady Honoria Saville entered, attended by the Hon. George Comyn. As the
lady is a professed coquette, and the gentleman a professed dangler, we
conceived it by no means improper to play the listener; for the conversation
of these characters is seldom such as to require much secrecy. We therefore
placed ourselves in a convenient situation for hearing whatever was said by
the beau, the belle, and the milliner, which last I consider the most rational
person of the three. The questions which were put to her by her ladyship
escaped us; they seemed to be conveyed, not in the language of common
mortals, but in signs which were to us incomprehensible. Without exposing
ourselves to the notice of either party, we were beyond measure amused at
the timely aid which the milliner’s descriptions of her wares afforded to the
lover’s description of his passion; for whenever the latter was at a loss for
words, the former stepped in to finish his sentence, and occasionally gave a
point to it, in which lovers’ vows are generally deficient.
When they first made their appearance, the gentleman was deposing
upon oath to the truth of something of which his companion seemed to
entertain doubts. He had run through some of the usual forms of adjuration,
such as Sun, Moon, Stars, Venus, and Blue Eyes, when he was stopped by
“Lovers’ vows, Comyn! lovers’ vows! Where do they come from?”
“Where?” repeated the gentleman, in a theatrical attitude; “they come from
a sincere affection, from a passionate heart, from a devoted adoration, from
——” “From Paris, I assure you, madam,” said the milliner, who was
turning over some silks. “But I wonder, Comyn!” resumed her ladyship, “I
wonder you can continue to bore me with this nonsense! Lovers’ vows have
given me the vapours these last five years, and, after all, what are they
worth?” “Worth!” reiterated the fop; “they are worth the mines of Peru, the
diamonds of Golconda, the sands of Pactolus!” “They are worth five
shillings a pair, madam,” said the milliner, “and it’s really throwing them
away.” She was talking of some kid gloves.
“You gentlemen,” said her ladyship, “must think us very weak creatures,
if you fancy that we are to be imposed upon by any folly you choose to
utter. Lovers’ vows have been proverbial since the days of Queen Bess, and
it would be strange if, in 1820, we should not have found out what they are
made of.” “In my case,” said the exquisite, “your ladyship is cruel in
supposing them to be made of anything but the purest sincerity.” “They are
made of the finest materials,” said the milliner, “and your ladyship can see
through them like glass.” She was holding up to the window some stuff
with a hard name, which we know nothing about. “Say what you will,
Comyn,” said her ladyship,

Men were deceivers ever;

One foot on sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.

“Lovers’ vows are never intended to last beyond a day!” “Your ladyship is
unjust!” replied the dandy; “they will last when all other ties shall be
broken; they will last when the bond of relationship shall be cancelled, and
the link of friendship riven; they will last——” “They will last for ever,
madam, and wash afterwards!” said the milliner. She was speaking of some
scarfs.
“Really, George,” observed her ladyship, “you would think me an
egregious fool if I were to believe one quarter of what you say to me. Speak
the truth, George, for once, if it is in your nature—should I not be folle—
folle beyond measure?” “You love to trifle with my passion,” sighed the
Honourable; “but this is what we must all expect! Fascinating as you are,
you feel not for the woes of your victims; you are more insensible than
flints—nothing is dear to you.” “Flint’s will make nothing dear to your
ladyship,” said the milliner, wrapping up the parcel.
“In this age of invention,” said Lady Honoria, “it is surprising to me that
no one has invented a thermometer to try the temperature of lovers’ vows.
What a price would a boarding-school miss give for such an invention! I
certainly will make the suggestion to young Montgomery, that writes the
sonnets!” “Good God!” cried the worshipper, “where shall I send for such a
test of sincerity? I would send to the suns of India, to the snows of Tobolsk;
I would send to the little-toed ladies of China, and the great-hatted
chieftains of Loo-Choo; I would send——” “Shall I send it to your
ladyship’s house?” said the milliner, holding up the parcel.
“Well,” said her ladyship, rising to leave the shop, “I shall contend no
more with so subtle a disputant; my opinion of lovers’ vows remains
unchanged, and I desire you won’t pester me with them at the Opera this
evening, or I shall positively die of ennui.” We saw that this was meant as
an assignation, and the Honourable George Comyn saw things in the same
light. “How,” he cried, “how shall I thank your ladyship for this
condescension? How shall I express the feelings of the heart you have
rescued from despair? Language is too poor, utterance is too weak, for the
emotion which I feel; what can I say?” “Much obliged to your ladyship,”
said the milliner.