How To Prepare For A Difficult Conversation: Example

How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation
Why?
Because it’s important we speak out when difficult issues arise in the workplace. But typically these will
not be easy conversations. The secret to a successful difficult conversation is to prepare. Here is how…
Which conversations?
These tips help with any difficult conversation in the workplace. Here are some examples of when a
conversation is needed and likely won’t be easy:
“My supervisee’s performance is poor”

“I don’t understand why I was not promoted”
“My team members are not getting along”
“The way my colleague speaks to me is unacceptable”
“I have to tell my team we are downsizing”
How?
Go through the steps below. Write out the answers on a sheet before you start the conversation.
Step 1: Get the facts right

Question Example
What are the facts? Performance has been an issue for 6 months. Project x was
not delivered on time. Report was full of factual mistakes.
What assumptions are you making? He’s lazy or simply not good enough.
What feelings is this problem creating for you? It’s making life hell – my supervisor blames me.
How might the other person see the situation? That I am putting too much pressure on him
and not given him enough resources?
What might their intentions have been? I think he means to do well. Not to make my life hell.
How have you each contributed to the problem? Maybe I could have supported him
more. But I need him to be self-sufficient.
1
Step 2: Think about your objective

Question Example
What is the key problem to be addressed? I need the report drafted and project delivered.
What impact is this having on you/the team/work? I will be blamed if not and the team will lose funding.
What other action could you

Write it myself – but I don’t have time.
take instead of this conversation?
What do you want to achieve A clear plan of action for how to deliver the report on time.
by the end of the conversation?
What responsibility are you I will listen to what I need to do to help

going to take for your part? support him and commit to providing what I can.
If you didn’t say anything, what would

Report would be late / not delivered / I will be blamed.
happen and how would you feel?
Step 3: Check the policies and procedures

Depending on the nature of the conversation, this will be more or less important. Be clear about the framework in
which you are having the conversation. Do the managing performance policies apply? The prevention of harassment
policies? The flexible working policy? If you are not sure, check the HR handbook and/or speak to your HR Officer or
anyone else who you think might help (e.g. Focal Point for Women, the Ombudsman’s Office, Medical Services).
Step 4: Preparing for the conversation

This is possibly the most important part of your preparation: plan how you will lead the conversation.
Here’s a list and an example (a supervisor raising an attendance issue).
Prep list Example

How-Where-When
How will you set the tone?
I will keep my voice low.
(Courteous, calm, professional)
I will call him into my office. It’s

Where will you conduct the meeting?
private and we won’t be disturbed.
When will you conduct it? First thing Monday so we have the
Beginning/end of the week/day? rest of the week to work through it
2
What I will say

We really need to deliver this project by next
Explain your perspective and why it’s important month and I’m worried we won’t be able to if
we’re not all here giving it 100%.
I hope we can resolve the issue by having this
State what you hope to conversation. I may be able to help and at least I will
achieve by having this conversation understand better. If need be, it will help me plan.
Use the facts that you know; In the last month, you were absent 10 days.
avoid assumptions or blame
How I will listen

Now ask questions to understand.
You’ve been absent a lot. What is going on?
Use open questions. Don’t blame.
Explore Tell me more about…
Show empathy and understanding: • From what you’ve told me, I understand
• by paraphrasing what they have told you. that you feel overwhelmed …
• by acknowledging their feelings. • I see you are getting really stressed by this
Now work on a solution

Explore a way forward together and what
How do you see us resolving this? How about
you both want to happen differently in future
Determine the actions that you will both take to be This has been useful. I think we should plan the next two
more constructive in future weeks at which point you will have delivered a first draft.
At the end of the meeting, thank the person Thank you – I am glad we talked
for attending and explain why it’s important about this and determined a way forward.
to resolve the conflict
Plan any follow up actions or a

catch up meeting as appropriate

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How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation

“My supervisee’s performance is poor”

Step 1: Get the facts right

Step 2: Think about your objective

What other action could you

What responsibility are you I will listen to what I need to do to help

If you didn’t say anything, what would

Step 3: Check the policies and procedures

Step 4: Preparing for the conversation

Prep list Example

I will call him into my office. It’s

What I will say

How I will listen

Explore Tell me more about…

Now work on a solution

Plan any follow up actions or a

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