Rabang, Gerome Isaiah P. BSN: Denial

Rabang, Gerome Isaiah P.
BSN
Denial
Denial is the stage that can initially help you survive the loss. You might
think life makes no sense, has no meaning, and is too overwhelming. You
start to deny the news and, in effect, go numb. It’s common in this stage to
wonder how life will go on in this different state – you are in a state of shock
because life as you once knew it, has changed in an instant. If you were
diagnosed with a deadly disease, you might believe the news is incorrect – a
mistake must have occurred somewhere in the lab–they mixed up your
blood work with someone else. If you receive news on the death of a loved
one, perhaps you cling to a false hope that they identified the wrong person.
In the denial stage, you are not living in ‘actual reality,’ rather, you are
living in a ‘preferable’ reality. Interestingly, it is denial and shock that help
you cope and survive the grief event. Denial aids in pacing your feelings of
grief. Instead of becoming completely overwhelmed with grief, we deny it,
do not accept it, and stagger its full impact on us at one time. Think of it as
your body’s natural defense mechanism saying “hey, there’s only so much I
can handle at once.” Once the denial and shock starts to fade, the start of
the healing process begins. At this point, those feelings that you were once
suppressing are coming to the surface.
BSN
Anger
Once you start to live in ‘actual’ reality again and not in ‘preferable’ reality,
anger might start to set in. This is a common stage to think “why me?” and
“life’s not fair!” You might look to blame others for the cause of your grief
and also may redirect your anger to close friends and family. You find it
incomprehensible of how something like this could happen to you. If you are
strong in faith, you might start to question your belief in God. “Where is
God? Why didn’t he protect me?” Researchers and mental health
professionals agree that this anger is a necessary stage of grief. And
encourage the anger. It’s important to truly feel the anger. It’s thought that
even though you might seem like you are in an endless cycle of anger, it will
dissipate – and the more you truly feel the anger, the more quickly it will
dissipate, and the more quickly you will heal. It is not healthy to suppress
your feelings of anger – it is a natural response – and perhaps, arguably, a
necessary one. In every day life, we are normally told to control our anger
toward situations and toward others. When you experience a grief event,
you might feel disconnected from reality – that you have no grounding
anymore. Your life has shattered and there’s nothing solid to hold onto.
Think of anger as a strength to bind you to reality. You might feel deserted
or abandoned during a grief event. That no one is there. You are alone in
this world. The direction of anger toward something or somebody is what
might bridge you back to reality and connect you to people again. It is a
“thing.” It’s something to grasp onto – a natural step in healing.
Bargaining
When something bad happens, have you ever caught yourself making a deal
with God? “Please God, if you heal my husband, I will strive to be the best
wife I can ever be – and never complain again.” This is bargaining. In a way,
this stage is false hope. You might falsely make yourself believe that you can
avoid the grief through a type of negotiation. If you change this, I’ll change
that. You are so desperate to get your life back to how it was before the
grief event, you are willing to make a major life change in an attempt toward
normality. Guilt is a common wing man of bargaining. This is when you
endure the endless “what if” statements. What if I had left the house 5
minutes sooner – the accident would have never happened. What if I
encouraged him to go to the doctor six months ago like I first thought – the
cancer could have been found sooner and he could have been saved.
BSN
Depression
Depression is a commonly accepted form of grief. In fact, most people
associate depression immediately with grief – as it is a “present” emotion. It
represents the emptiness we feel when we are living in reality and realize
the person or situation is gone or over. In this stage, you might withdraw
from life, feel numb, live in a fog, and not want to get out of bed. The world
might seem too much and too overwhelming for you to face. You don’t want
to be around others, don’t feel like talking, and experience feelings of
hopelessness. You might even experience suicidal thoughts – thinking
“what’s the point of going on?”
Acceptance
The last stage of grief identified by Kübler-Ross is acceptance. Not in the
sense that “it’s okay my husband died” rather, “my husband died, but I’m
going to be okay.” In this stage, your emotions may begin to stabilize. You
re-enter reality. You come to terms with the fact that the “new” reality is
that your partner is never coming back – or that you are going to succumb
to your illness and die soon – and you’re okay with that. It’s not a “good”
thing – but it’s something you can live with. It is definitely a time of
adjustment and readjustment. There are good days, there are bad days, and
then there are good days again. In this stage, it does not mean you’ll never
have another bad day – where you are uncontrollably sad. But, the good
days tend to outnumber the bad days. In this stage, you may lift from your
fog, you start to engage with friends again, and might even make new
relationships as time goes on. You understand your loved one can never be
replaced, but you move, grow, and evolve into your new reality.
BSN
Symptoms of Grief
Your grief symptoms may present themselves physically, socially, or
spiritually. Some of the most common symptoms of grief are presented
below:
1. Crying
2. Headaches
3. Difficulty Sleeping
4. Questioning the Purpose of Life
5. Questioning Your Spiritual Beliefs (e.g., your belief in God)
6. Feelings of Detachment
7. Isolation from Friends and Family
8. Abnormal Behavior
9. Worry
10. Anxiety
11. Frustration
12. Guilt
13. Fatigue
14. Anger
15. Loss of Appetite
16. Aches and Pains
17. Stress

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