Execu Ooks: The Likeability Factor
Execu Ooks: The Likeability Factor
Execu Ooks: The Likeability Factor
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The Likeability Factor By Tim Sanders
You want to raise it in a sustainable way. The idea Remember that silence can be unfriendly. Avoid an
isn’t to make a good first impression, but to have peo- unfriendly tone of voice and try to add variety and dy-
ple like you over time. You want a high L-factor that namism to your speaking voice.
won’t quit. To raise it, you must improve the four ele-
ments of likeability. 2. Relevance
Raising your relevance factor is a wonderful comple-
1. Friendliness ment to your newfound friendliness.
To be likeable, first and foremost you must be friendly. • Identify your frequent contact circle. List the peo-
As simple as that sounds, friendliness isn’t the norm. ple you have contact with on at least a monthly basis,
The world is filled with unfriendliness. But you can im- with no order or priority. Then rate each on a scale of
prove your friendliness quotient, if you want to try. one to 10 by the frequency of contact and the proximity
• Observe no unfriendliness. Perhaps the best way — whether you see them face to face or not. Those who
to boost your friendliness is to eliminate unfriendliness get eight, nine or 10 are your most frequent, close-prox-
from your behavior. So many people are accustomed to imity contacts. They’re the people who are most likely to
being treated in an unfriendly fashion that the mere ab- respond to your friendliness, empathy and realness.
sence of unfriendliness can be perceived as friendliness. Try to increase the quality of contacts with your fre-
Follow the three steps required to avoid any break- quent contact circle, by meeting face to face more
down: prevention, intervention and repair. Practice pre- often or using the phone, which can also bring warmth
venting unfriendliness by adopting a new perspective into your communications. Look for ways to increase
in which unfriendliness is a weakness and friendliness the number of contacts you have with this circle.
a strength. Intervene to catch yourself before you com- • Connect with others’ interests. When you share
mit unfriendliness. When you have a setback and act an interest with others, you develop a bond. That bond
unfriendly, repair the damage by apologizing. will boost your relevance factor, giving you a higher L-
• Develop a friendly mindset. Develop a way of factor. To start, create an inventory of your passions,
thinking in which friendliness is the default position. assessing your current interests, pastimes and hob-
That starts with liking yourself — finding what it is within bies. People in your life will find you relevant once you
you that others like and that you like about yourself. start talking about your shared interests.
• Communicate friendliness. Armed with friendly If you feel you lack sufficient interests and passions
thoughts, you’re now prepared to boost your friendli- — you’re in a rut or working so hard — rediscover an
ness factor. The trick to being friendlier is to remember old passion or nose around a bookstore or magazine
that there’s no such thing as a friendly person per se, rack to see what captures your imagination.
only someone who is perceived as friendly by others. Be proactive. Stay on the lookout for passions. As
you talk with others, listen for their passions. Find op-
portunities to share in mutual interests.
Looking for Convenient Ways • Connect with others’ wants and needs. The third
to Deliver Knowledge and perhaps most powerful way to boost your rele-
to Your Organization? vance is to connect with other people’s wants and
Make it easy with execuBooks needs. A good step is to conduct a need-and-wants
corporate solutions! analysis of your top contacts. How can you help them?
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The Likeability Factor By Tim Sanders
don’t do (such as not responding to a call for help). Un- doing what you say you’ll do.
derstanding how other people feel is a result of a • Share your realness. To elevate your realness
process that includes recognizing their emotions, lis- factor, you need to provide memorable experiences of
tening thoughtfully and then demonstrating your under- realness. You need to exceed expectations. Some
standing by responding to their feelings. steps to do that: be present when you’re with others;
• Experience others’ feelings. When you listen to, admit your mistakes; be generous with yourself and
and reflect back on, others’ feelings, you raise your your feelings, sharing them with others.
empathy factor. A deeper level of empathy is achieved
when you actually experience those feelings yourself. Conclusion
The secret to boosting your empathy lies in your It’s up to you to stop unlikeability in its tracks. It’s up to
imagination. Accept other people’s feelings as legiti- you to raise your L-factor — if not for yourself, then for
mate and try on a new perspective — imagine what all the people with whom you come into contact. Your
leads people to believe what they do, and try imagining shining example could inspire a movement of high L-
yourself in their shoes. As well, review and reflect on factor behavior throughout your sphere of influence. e
your own feelings.
• Respond to others’ feelings. Most of the time ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Tim Sanders is a leadership coach
empathy only requires the ability to understand how at Yahoo! and author of Love Is The Killer App.
others feel. But if someone expects you to do some-
thing with this understanding, and you’re unresponsive,
he or she may doubt that you really do know what’s Related Reading
going on inside. Love Is the Killer App: How to Win Business and Influ-
To boost your empathy, work harder to remember ence Friends, by Tim Sanders, Three Rivers Press,
conversations, make yourself available for follow-up 2003, ISBN 1400046831.
conversations, and share your own feelings when oth-
ers offer you insights into their feelings. The One Thing You Need to Know ... About Great Man-
aging, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Suc-
4. Realness cess, by Marcus Buckingham, Free Press, 2005, ISBN
People will want to reassure themselves that you’re 0743261658.
real, and if you don’t measure up, your L-factor will
plummet. Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One
• Be true to yourself. The very first step is to know Relationship at a Time, by Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz,
the real you. Think about the last bit of advice you gave Currency, 2005, ISBN 0385512058.
somebody that you felt very strongly about; what you
stand for that separates you from the pack; what gives
you support; and whether there’s a proverb or saying execuKits!
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your statements and claims. Learn to say, “I don’t Contact us for a catalog and more information at 1-
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