Techniques to Improve Self-Esteem

1. Say stop to your inner critic.

A good place to start with raising your self-esteem is by learning how to

handle and to replace the voice of your own inner critic.

We all have an inner critic.

It can spur you on to get things done or to do things to gain acceptance

from the people in your life. But at the same time it will drag your self-
esteem down.

This inner voice whispers or shouts destructive thoughts in your mind.

Thoughts like for example:

 You are lazy and sloppy, now get to work.

 You aren’t good at your job at all and someone will figure that out and
throw you out.
 You are worse or uglier than your friend/co-worker/partner.

You don’t have to accept this though. There are ways to minimize that
critical voice and to replace it with more helpful thoughts. You can change
how you view yourself.

One way to do so is simply to say stop whenever the critic pipes up in your
mind.

You can do this by creating a stop-word or stop-phrase.

As the critic says something – in your mind – shout: STOP!

Or use my favorite: No, no, no, we are not going there!

Or come up with a phrase or word that you like that stops the train of the
thought driven by the inner critic.

Then refocus your thoughts to something more constructive. Like planning

what you want to eat for dinner or your tactic for the next soccer game.

In the long run it also helps a lot to find better ways to motivate yourself
than listening to your inner critic. So let’s move on to that…

2. Use healthier motivation habits.

To make the inner critic less useful for yourself and that voice weaker and
at the same time motivate yourself to take action and raise your self-esteem
it is certainly helps to have healthy motivation habits.
A few that I have used to replace and fill up much of the place that the inner
critic once held in my mind are these:

 Remind yourself of the benefits. 

A simple but powerful way to motivate yourself and to keep that

motivation up daily is to write down the deeply felt benefits you will get
from following this new path or reaching a goal.
Like for example getting into better shape and having more energy for
your kids and the people close to you. Or making more money and
through that being able to travel with the love of your life and
experience wonderful new things together.
When your list is done then save it and put it somewhere where you will
see it every day. For instance in your workspace or on your fridge.

 Refocus on doing what YOU really, really like to do.

 When you really, really like doing something then the motivation to do
that thing tends to comes pretty automatically. When you really want
something in life then it also becomes easier to push through any inner
resistance you feel.
So if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: Am I doing what I really
want to do? If not and if possible, then refocus and start working on
that very important thing instead.
After you have used your stop-word or phrase focus on one of these
techniques. Over time it will become a habit and your inner critic will pop
up a lot less often.

3. Take a 2 minute self-appreciation break.

This is a very simple and fun habit. And if you spend just two minutes on it
every day for a month then it can make huge difference.

Here’s what you do:

Take a deep breath, slow down and ask yourself this question: what are 3
things I can appreciate about myself?

A few examples that have come up when I have used to this exercise are
that I:

 Help quite a few people each day through what I write.

 Can make people laugh and forget about their troubles.
 Am very thoughtful and caring when it comes to our cats.
These things don’t have to be big things.

Maybe just that you listened fully for a few minutes to someone who needed
it today. That you took a healthy walk or bike ride after work instead of
being lazy. That you are a caring and kind person in many situations.
These short breaks do not only build self-esteem in the long run but can
also turn a negative mood around and reload you with a lot of positive
energy again.

4. Write down 3 things in the evening that you can appreciate

about yourself.

This is a variation of the habit above and combining the two of them can be
extra powerful for two boosts in self-esteem a day.
Or you may simply prefer to use this variation at the end of your day when
you have some free time for yourself to spare.

What you do is to ask yourself the question from the last section:

What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?

Write down your answers every evening in a journal made out of paper or
on your computer/smart phone.

A nice extra benefit of writing it down is that after a few weeks you can read
through all the answers to stay positive and get a good self-esteem boost
and change in perspective on days when you may need it the most.

5. Do the right thing.

When you do what you deep down think is the right thing to do then you
raise and strengthen your self-esteem.

It might be a small thing like getting up from the couch and going to the
gym. It could be to be understanding instead of judgmental in a situation.

Or to stop worrying or feeling sorry for yourself and focus on the

opportunities and gratitude for what you actually have.
It is not always easy to do. Or even to know what the right thing is. But
keeping a focus on it and doing it as best you can makes big difference both
in the results you get and for how you think about yourself.

One tip that makes it easier to stay consistent with doing the right thing is
to try to take a few such actions early in the day. Like for example giving
someone a compliment, eating a healthy breakfast and working out.

This sets the tone for the rest of your day.

6. Replace the perfectionism.

Few thought habits can be so destructive in daily life as perfectionism.

It can paralyze you from taking action because you become so afraid of not
living up to some standard. And so you procrastinate and you do not get the
results you want. This will make your self-esteem sink.

Or you take action but are never or very rarely satisfied with what you
accomplished and your own performance.

And so your opinion and feelings about yourself become more and more
negative and your motivation to take action plummets.

How can you overcome perfectionism?

A few things that really helped me are:

 Go for good enough. 

When you aim for perfection then that usually winds up in a project or a
task never being finished. So simply go for good enough instead. Don’t
use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that there is
something called good enough and when you are there then you are
finished.
 Remember that buying into myths of perfection will hurt
you and the people in your life. 

This simple reminder that life is not like in a movie, a song or a book
can be good reality check whenever you are daydreaming of perfection.
Because reality can clash with your expectations when they are out of
this world and harm or even possibly lead to the end of relationships,
jobs, projects and so on.

7. Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way.

If you go outside of your comfort zone, if you try to accomplish anything

that is truly meaningful then you will stumble and fall along the way.
And that is OK. It is normal. It is what people that did something that truly
mattered have done throughout all ages. Even if we don’t always hear about
it as much as we hear about their successes.

So remember that. And when you stumble try this:

 Be your own best friend. 

Instead of beating yourself up, ask yourself: How would my

friend/parent support me and help me in this situation? Then do things
and talk to yourself like he or she would. It keeps you from falling into a
pit of despair and helps you to be more constructive after the first initial
pain of a mistake or failure starts to dissipate.
 Find the upside.

 Another way to be more constructive in this kind of situation is to focus

on optimism and opportunities. So ask yourself: what is one thing I can
learn from this? And what is one opportunity I can find in this
situation? This will help you to change your viewpoint and hopefully not
hit the same bump a little further down the road.

8. Be kinder towards other people.

When you are kinder towards others you tend to treat and think of yourself
in a kinder way too. And the way you treat other people is how they tend to
treat you in the long run.

So focus on being kind in your daily life.

You can for example:

 Just be there and listen as you let someone vent.

 Hold up the door for the next person.
 Let someone into your lane while driving.
 Encourage a friend or a family member when they are uncertain or
unmotivated.
 Take a few minutes help someone out in a practical way.
 Share what has helped you in a difficult situation on social media, a
podcast or on your own blog.

9. Try something new.

When you try something new, when you challenge yourself in a small or
bigger way and go outside of your comfort zone then your opinion of
yourself goes up.

You may not have done whatever you did in a spectacular or great way but
you at least tried instead of sitting on your hands and doing nothing.

And that is something to appreciate about yourself and it can help you
come alive as you get out of a rut.

So go outside of your comfort zone regularly. Don’t expect anything, just

tell yourself that you will try something out.

And then later on you can do the same thing a few more times and improve
your own performance.

And as always, if it feels too scary or uncomfortable then don’t beat yourself
up. Take a smaller step forward instead by gently nudging yourself into
motion.

10. Stop falling into the comparison trap.

When you compare your life, yourself and what you have to other people’s
lives and what they have then you have destructive habit on your hands.

Because you can never win. There is always someone who has more or is
better than you at something in the world. There are always people ahead of
you.

So replace that habit with something better.

Look at how far you have come so far instead. Compare yourself to yourself.
Focus on you. On your results. And on how you can and how you have
improved your results.

This will both motivate you and raise your self-esteem.

11. Spend more time with supportive people (and less time with
destructive people).

Even if you focus on being kinder towards other people (and yourself) and
on replacing a perfectionism habit it will be hard to keep your self-esteem
up if the most important influences in your life drag it down on a daily or
weekly basis.

So make changes in the input you get.

Choose to spend less time with people who are nervous perfectionists,
unkind or unsupportive of your dreams or goals.

And spend more time with positive, uplifting people who have more human
and kinder standards and ways of thinking about things.
And think about what you read, listen to and watch too. Spend less time on
an internet forum, with reading a magazine or watching a TV-show if you
feel it makes you unsure of yourself and if it makes you feel more negatively
towards yourself.

Then spend the time you used to spend on this information source on for
example reading books, blogs, websites and listening to podcasts that help
you and that make you feel good about yourself.

12. Remember the whys of high self-esteem.

What is a simple way to stay consistent with doing something? As

mentioned above: to remember the most important reasons why you are
doing it.
So remind yourself of the whys at the start of this article to help yourself to
stay motivated to work on your self-esteem and to make it an essential
priority.

Doing this simple thing and keeping these powerful reasons in mind has
done wonders for me. I hope it can do the same for you.