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Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)
Saved by the final act
Most of this movie is boring, even when there is action on the screen. The first 1h30 should have been cut to an hour, and it would have been more entertaining. Up until this point, it was a middling 5/10 for me, just like the rest of these movies (bar 1 perhaps).
HOWEVER, the final act/fight is honestly stellar - I actually sat up and properly enjoyed the battle, the fact that the people were actually involved (due to what I thought was a pretty neat, if cliché device).
It actually felt like there were some stakes too, both on large and small scale. The music, both soundtrack and needle drops were on point. Just a pity that the rest of the movie didn't have this level of quality.
One Piece (2023)
Just good old entertainment
It's been such a long time since any form of entertainment has bucked the trend by respecting the source material and not inject 'THE MESSAGE' (mostly).
It's just plain entertaining. The actors are perfectly cast, and their performances are actually really good. Every character is likeable (even the baddies!). And there's not really any gore (and characters very rarely get killed), so it's very wholesome - if it wasn't for the occasional cussing, it could be appropriate for kids too.
The music is incredible. It's largely expertly paced, with very few slow/filler parts (which is refreshing/unique for a Netflix show).
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
Puts most recent movies, not just animated movies, to shame.
In an age when movie and TV franchises seem to aim just to be divisive and disappointing (I'm looking at you, Disney), I don't think anyone was expecting much from Puss In Boots: The Last Wish - certainly not I.
After the first 5 minutes, I knew this was something special.
Firstly, the art style is phenomenal - taking ideas from Arkane and Enter The Spiderverse, every frame looks like it could be a painting (which is intentional and very hard to pull off), and the action/cinematography is top fluid but bombastic. The 2D elements make it appear hand-animated at times, which adds to the magical feel, and makes it feel like it belongs with the animated greats of last century.
The music is incredible, with tunes that will stick in your head for weeks, and the fight choreography syncing with the beat makes most of the movie feel like a 1.5 hour long trailer (which is obviously a good thing).
The dialogue is incredibly written, along with the story as a whole. Not a line is wasted - this is the most efficient storytelling I think I've ever seen. In a 'short' movie, characters are introduced and fleshed out in such a way that they will stick with you, and you can't wait to see them again. The cast do a great job of selling them too. Goldi and the bears come out with brilliant British-isms, and as another reviewer said, the script grapples with very deep themes without taking itself too seriously.
And then there's the wolf. This character is why the movie is a solid 10 for me. His style, his voice, his motivation, just his whole deal, is the reason this is now in my top 5 movies of all time (no, I'm serious).
At a time when Disney seem set on watering down their movies such that they have no plot, no antagonists, no stakes, no soul - Dreamworks have taken on the mantle.
It made me laugh, and it made me well up - even on re-watching. Partly because it has some touching moments, but also because it reminds me of better, simpler days, when people knew right from wrong, when love and romance were valued. You might think I'm overselling it, but Hollywood is where the fight for our values is playing out.
There are those that say that Hollywood is done - I know I do. But Dreamworks have provided a glimmer of hope in the most excellent way.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Live action anime done right
This film had me entertained from start to finish. It's paced well, the action is excellent (it's Rodriguez, so it has to be). The characters are real - even Alita. You really do forget that she's CGI, even with the doe eyes.
If you're looking for a great female role-model, look no further - she's not perfect, but does what she thinks is right. She's cute while badass - other movies that try to sell faux female-empowerment for the sake of it should take note. The difference here is that Alita is a well-written character from ground up, who happens to be a great protagonist, while others writers (usually directors who think they can write nowadays) think that so long as a female lead is strong, their job is done.
The emotional parts actually felt believable, and actually got me in the feels, I'm not proud to admit. It's good clean fun while retaining the very anime brutality I thought it might try to dilute.
Just great. Go watch. (Here's to a sequel).
Robot Overlords (2014)
Better than most films with 10x the budget.
This movie is not amazing. But then again, when was the last time you saw one that was?
Fantastic Four opened just before the the writing of this. With that film being a complete disaster, it saddens me that it gets just about a lower score than Robot Overlords, because the latter is far superior.
What to expect: Good but not incredible CGI (again, far more believable than FF'S The Thing...or anything else in it for that matter...) Good acting: Ben Kingsley and Gillian Anderson are great, and the kids are surprisingly good too. Good pacing: I didn't get bored at any point. That's quite rare nowadays. A cliché story, kept fresh by the fact that it's British. Personally, I enjoyed this more than The World's End; darn it - I actually felt a little bit invested.
Nothing more to say than that I guess. This is low-budget done right, and I enjoyed it. What more do you want? A cookie?
Nightcrawler (2014)
A superbly unnerving experience let down by an abysmal score.
The atmosphere and tension that engulfs every scene in this movie makes this is a fantastic commentary on the questionable morality of broadcast news.
Gyllenhal doesn't have to stretch too much to hit his forte as an unpredictable sociopath; you really don't know what he's going to do next, which makes for a appropriately-uncomfortable watching.
Unfortunately, the score not only fails to reflect what's happening on screen, it seems to be from some other scene from another movie. For example, when Lou (Gyllenhal) is filming a pretty grotesque accident, the music swells triumphantly, like something off a sporting underdog story. It really is quite bizarre, and spoils what is otherwise a very immersive story.
Benched (2014)
Criminally unfunny
Benches evidently wants to be Scrubs mixed with Suits. Unfortunately, such a promising premise is let down by flat jokes, poor delivery and bad casting; it's also not silly enough to keep up with the surreal humour you find in successful comedies (30 Rock, Community, Arrested Development and the like) but instead relies on very tired scenarios to eek out the laughs.
I was really looking forward to this as Jay Harrington absolutely made Better Off Ted as the put-together protag - such a travesty that it got cancelled. Sadly, his role in Benched as the work-shy swindler Phil just doesn't fit - it would have been potentially better for him to be Trent (but a more interesting version). He also comes across as if he knows the show isn't going to last, and doesn't put any effort into...not putting any effort in.
Eliza Coupe is...angry. I know that's supposed to be 'funny' and endearing, but she just comes across as irritating and unbelievable (a lawyer but all-too-gullible for example). Someone else as the female lead would have saved the day (Christina Applegate? Gillian Jacobs? Jaime Presley?) A wasted opportunity. I hope the show makes better use of such talent soon, or else I fear it'll be curtains.
Godzilla (2014)
A non-film of epic proportions
Absolutely NOTHING happens in this film.
I had no expectations for this film at all; at best I assumed it would just involve some crazy CG fights between the big lizard and some other monster, in which collateral damage would reach beyond-Man Of Steel amounts.
But that's the thing - it didn't even have that.
Instead, you've got the guy from Kick-Ass who seems to be incapable of expressing any sort of emotion at all, regardless of what is happening. And then as soon as the monsters start fighting, it cuts away.
I...I've got nothing more to say. Don't see this movie if you like actual movies.
And why the HECK was Bryan Cranston involved in this nonsense?!
Snowpiercer (2013)
It just gets better and better
This movie starts off like one of those 1-season SciFi series, that you just know isn't going anywhere.
But here's the thing - SnowPiercer does. The first half of the film should have been condensed a bit; the set up is just a tad drawn-out. But as they make their way down the train, I found myself eagerly waiting to see what the next car had in-store. It's almost like a good video game - with every 'level' being more intense than the last. It's actually, wait for it - enjoyable to watch.
Evans lacks his usual charm, a bit miscast methinks. Jamie Bell is OK as a hyperactive sidekick, Hurt provides crusty wisdom. Little-known Ah-sung Ko is also great.
But Tilda Swinton steals the show. My word, it took me ages to clock it was her. One person has described her as a "John Waters version of Princess Leia doing a Thatcher impression." which is such an accurate description, it hurts. She is the antagonist and comic relief in one, reminding me of nightmares I had of school-maams past.
It's not perfect by any means, but this has been one of the year's standout flicks. Well worth a watch.
Community (2009)
Comedy perfection
This is the funniest show ever made. For those who like 30 Rock, Malcolm in the Middle or Arrested Development, you will fall in love with this show; this shouldn't come as a surprise, as it shares some of the latter's writers.
It's clever humour; it's self-referential; it's daft; it's nerdy; the cast are astounding; the jokes just keep coming - so fast that episodes can and will have you belly-laughing for minutes at a time.
I am, of course, talking about the first 3 seasons, headed by Dan Harmon - who is just a crazy genius. Yes, the 4th season is terrible thanks to NBC getting rid of him due to his fallings-out with Chevy Chase. Since Chase has left (and, to be honest, he won't be hugely missed), Harmon has now been taken back, thanks in the most-part to Joel McHale (Jeff). Season 5 promises to deliver the Community we know and love. And going by the first 2 episodes so far, even with all the wounds it had to patch up, it's going to be good. I'm just worried that Troy (Donald Glover) leaving won't destroy the show (it well might, as he is possibly the funniest character & actor).
I don't get why this isn't more popular in the US. We LOVE it in Britain - is it too smart for you guys? It really sucks that series like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory are given endless rope, when they can be barely called comedies.
You know how you laugh when you usually watch comedies? No, seriously think: you guffaw, giggle and possibly chuckle.
Community will have you asphyxiating from laughter. And boy, is it worth it.
#sixseasonsandamovie
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
The Best Christmas Movie
Regardless of how it compares to its source material, Muppets Christmas Carol is, for me, the only movie that MUST be watched on Christmas Day.
It's daft, funny, and, incredibly, very moving! To get an audience so emotionally-invested in a film filled with felt-covered puppets is a feat in itself.
Most of this is down to Michael Cane - his performance is just perfect; I genuinely believe this to be his finest. The music and songs are largely stellar, with a couple of tunes that seem phoned-in.
The puppetering is of course brilliant, with the characters being adorable and, most importantly, believable.
You've all seen this movie, I'm sure, but I urge you to revisit it and be amazed as to how a Muppets movie accomplishes so much more than the majority of other movies do.
Feel-good movie; you must be a Scrooge to think otherwise.
The Lone Ranger (2013)
A reminder for why we shouldn't take the critics too seriously.
I usually take what the critics say into consideration, albeit with a pinch of salt. But this time they are flat-out wrong.
It's GENUINELY FUNNY; it had me laughing out loud at points (John's intro on the train), and Depp's delivery of the final line of the movie had me in stitches.
The story is fantastic (and clichéd), the script is solid. Sadly, the movie does drag slightly in the middle, and so feels like 30 minutes could have been cut, which would help it flow better.
The stunts are great, the effects are generally stellar. However, some dodgy CGI and (too) over-the-top bits spoiled it occasionally.
There have been too many movies as of late that just haven't been up to scratch, but this isn't one of them. This is what movies should be like. Daft, funny, innocent entertainment.
To close: KICK-ASS 2 has a higher score than Lone Ranger. That alone should suggest just how seriously you should take critics and scores.
Pacific Rim (2013)
A total disappointment.
This is a B-movie. As much as I, you, and everyone want to like this film and think of it as a 'classy' action flick due to Del Toro being at the helm, we have all been deceived.
Here we go: Acting: awful; no character development, no emoting from any of the characters. The best performance was by the little Chinese girl. Elba, as much as it pains me to say this, was either terrible or terribly miscast.
So many inconsistencies/unbelievable moments, e.g. waiting JUST until it looks like the Jaegers are defeated before whipping out their game-changing weapons. Smart. "Gypsy's analogue...erm...nuclear...?" Yes, just say random things, and you still won't convince anyone that what you're saying is even correct in the context of the movie. The decisions the pilots make will leave you scratching your head - maybe everyone's just stupider in the future.
Terrible action sequences. "Who on earth wants to actually KNOW what is going on in the fight scenes?" I'm sure Del Toro asked his numerous yes-men. Cluttered CGI + dodgy direction = action-packed sequences that will leave you guessing as to whether or not you're witnessing a giant mech fighting a oversized dino, or just cars crashing into porridge.
Script & pacing are dire. The whole of the second act was pointless and was (just) worse than the action sequences. The dialogue is cringe-worthy.
Uugh. As per usual, I ask the question "would I have preferred spending 2 hours doing something else?", and the answer is a resounding YES for this turd of a movie. Hold up, I've just had a scary thought...Transformers 3 was better than this. Yes, it's true. You go and think about that.
World War Z (2013)
Genuinely entertaining
I have seen a lot of bad movies as of late - I was genuinely surprised that, after all of the bad press it had, Brad Pitt's zombie movie is, in my opinion, one of the best one of the genre I have seen.
No, if you are looking for a deep plot and stellar narrative, look elsewhere. More to the point, be content with looking elsewhere, because - guess what - IT'S A FREAKING ZOMBIE MOVIE.
What the film nails is the design and behaviour of the zombies. Through some good editing and good CG (for the most-part), they end up being extremely freaky, with a type of supernatural quality that sets them apart from all other zombies. That, combined with the sheer number of them on-screen, adds up to an intensity in the action scenes that will makes for uncomfortable watching, in a good way.
The whole plot point regarding how they combat the infection is pretty original, as far as I'm aware.
Don't listen to reviews from elitists - if you're looking for a good ol' fashioned nom-em-up, you could do a whole lot worse than World War Z.
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
"More Abrams's Star Trek - it MUST be good!" Well, no...
Please don't be taken in by the hype. If you love Star Trek, that's fine - I love Star Trek too. But I do not like this movie, to the point that I would say that I did not enjoy watching it.
The writing and pacing are both equally awful. The initial scenes were completely pointless and would have been far better spent setting up the main plot. Until practically mid-way through the film, nothing much happens, and then comes such terribly-written exposition that just brings the film grinding to a halt. There is no character development whatsoever, and Cumberbatch is wasted on the woeful script. There isn't even any time or reason to dislike the antagonist.
Once again, this is a film that falls foul of the concept of thinking you do not need tell an effective narrative in order to make a film; just slap together a host of random sequences and dialogue and it'll be fine.
To draw a parallel that I really didn't spend too much time thinking up, I really felt (ironically) like Spock: I failed to feel anything watching this movie - no like/dislike for characters, no investment in the plot.
I'm not a fanboy. I watch movies objectively. I urge you to do the same; and when you do, you will see that ST:ID is not a good movie.
The Great Gatsby (2013)
A seizure-inducing mess.
After watching every movie, I always ask myself if I could have lived without watching it. Sadly, for The Great Gatsby, this is definitely the case. Having only basic knowledge of the original text, I cannot imagine that this vision would be accepted by the author. However, I am reviewing purely the movie.
The visuals are clever, but ultimately cluttered and unpleasant to view at times. The dialogue, whilst supposed to be snappy, ends up being rushed, to the point that it all descends to white noise. As such, your interest will quickly wane. The party scenes are so chaotic and 'oh-so edgy' that it is almost insulting to the era. It's very much The Clockwork Orange Lastly, and if you do not bother with any of the above, hip-hop and dance music infects the movie throughout. Is it an effort to somehow appeal to more young, even black audiences? Somehow implying that such people would not be able to appreciate such a film without it? It really made me nauseous.
What a mess. Don't bother with.
Luther (2010)
British drama at its best
Brilliant. Watch it.
Oh, you need more than that, right.
Elba is just excellent, as always. Believable, raw, unhinged. Same of supporting cast. The writing is superb, dialogue is snappy.
The plots are very dark, with the banter between Luther and partner providing relief. it all has a very strong Nolan's The Dark Knight-esque vibe to it; a violent spectacle that still somehow remains utterly possible in the viewer's mind. The result is a show that hooks you and doesn't let go, and has you shouting at the telly for more at the end of every season.
The BBC has really struggled to put our TV Licenses to good use and make good dramas. Honestly? This makes it worth it.
The Pacific (2010)
Not just "different"; flat-out worse.
After putting off watching The Pacific in fear of it being a disappointment in comparison with Band Of Brothers, I wasn't disappointed...with the disappointment. Er, let me start again.
Lots of my friends said "oh, it's just 'different'", and even they didn't sound convinced by that. What's good? The CGI and direction, that's about it.
It's just not good. I don't know how else to say it. First and foremost, there's no narrative to the story, no continuity between episodes; it all seems like a random bunch of events, and you are always left thinking "just what IS going on here?". Now, you may want to say "but that reflects what it was like!". I'm sorry, I don't care. If I'm seeing a bunch of guys literally seemingly running aimlessly with absolutely no set-up or indication as to what their mission is, it's very difficult to appreciate the historical events OR their depiction. BoB had Ambrose's fantastic book to work off, with context given before and after each episode.
The characters are unbelievable, with no personalities to speak of. Is it bad acting? Is this what we are supposed to believe these guys acted like? I don't think so. Even with Leckie's sweetheart story, I found it impossible to care at all for him, or the other two characters, all of whom have effectively nothing to do with each other.
It drags. Sooooo slowly at times. So much so that I firmly believe that condensing it to 5 hours would have made it 5x better.
I'm not even going to begin to compare it to Band Of Brothers, as it would not be helpful, as it gives Pacific an excuse to suck. It has no excuse.
This is badly-conceived, poorly-written trash that it genuinely not worth watching.
Unlocking the Mystery of Life (2003)
Must-watch for both sides of the debate
Isn't it incredible that the only side of the debate you see hate coming from is the Darwinian camp? Whether you agree with the content in this documentary or not, the arguments are put forward logically, gracefully and lovingly.
It delves into a few of the issues that pose a problem for Darwinian evolution i.e. all life originated from a single-celled organism that spontaneously came into being. Most notably, the idea of 'irreducible complexity' - that the majority of nature contains mechanisms that are made such that they could not have evolved gradually, e.g. bacterial flagella. Dean Kenyon also makes an appearance - this is the man who coined the concept of 'chemical evolution' i.e. amino acids naturally forming proteins, and then DNA; he then admits that this is scientifically, chemically, physically and logically impossible. Evolution proponents must be willing to engage in a rational debate regarding these issues if they wish to be taken seriously.
Don't take anyone's word for it - the debate regarding evolution rages on and is far from settled. If you are at all interested in it, this is a must-see.
Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
Incoherent trash
It doesn't matter who's in your film - if the story's terrible, they're not going to save it. And so here we have Silver Linings Playbook - a title that brings together the two seemingly innocuous themes from the movie that together invites the same response as they do in the movie themselves, that being "erm, what?".
The story is a mess of several ideas tenuously strung together that just doesn't seem to make sense and, upon reflection, really does seem like a poor excuse to bring so many big names together.
And these big names don't even save it, due to the awful dialogue. Granted, there is meant to be some chaos to it because of the unhinged nature of the characters. However, when you have so many of the actors talking over each other and spouting drivel that is obviously the result of some poor improvisation, it makes for a truly unpleasant and uncomfortable viewing. Now there will be some people who will justify this as "it was intended this way", but, intended or not, this is not an enjoyable film to watch.
A collection of poorly-realised ideas that can't be redeemed by a usually great cast. People have been star-struck by them - don't buy it, this is not a good movie.
Dredd (2012)
Overlooked, underrated and very bloody.
I was never an avid reader of the comics (as my parents would never have let me read them as a kid, and rightly so), I just happened to pick up a couple of my mate's back in the 90s. I remember being pretty taken with Judge Dredd's style at the time, and after watching the film, going from my dodgy memory, this has the style down to a tee. It's like one of those 1980s, futuristic, dystopian flicks, but done very, very well; it's dark, gory and fits a lot into 90 minutes.
Urban has the look and attitude down that Stallone just didn't have, while the gruff voice is bang on, but occasionally drifts a bit too high. Thirlby was flawless; she is a terrific actress (and gorgeous). I think Headey was the weak link unfortunately - she just seemed to lack the menace the antagonist should have. The film is very-well paced (especially for a movie that takes place in a small area), even though the action sequences are a tad brief at points. The CG is mostly stellar, especially in slowmo sequences.
I was so sad to hear that this didn't do well in the box office, but then I don't remember being bowled over by the trailer at all. If this had been marketed a little better, I think it would have made a huge difference. After having seen so many movies being overrated this year, it's disappointing to see something that is above-par go relatively unnoticed.
Go buy.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
No no no no no - don't listen to the masses
I DARE you to watch this film objectively and judge it on its own merits, and I guarantee you that it will be found wanting. I loved The Dark Knight: it wasn't perfect, but it was very, very good. The Dark Knight Rises takes all of the bad bits from TDK and makes a lengthy film out of them.
Number 1: If I pay to see a Batman movie, I should expect the Bat himself on the screen for a good portion of the movie. Without going into spoilers, I was very, very disappointed of the lack thereof in the second act.
Number 2: The pacing is dreadful. So few action sequences it hurts; so many panning shots of Gotham it's tiring.
Number 3: The plot: not immersive, unbelievable, far from exciting or stimulating. The main threat to Gotham in the finale (I say finale, it's the latter hour-and-a-half) is weak, and, if it were featured in any other film, it would be poo-pood. Why on earth the choice to set it years after TDK? It adds nothing to the story; it only invites further disbelief.
Number 4: The action sequences - absolutely terribly-directed, with the hand-to-hand stuff being reminiscent of West. Just wow.
Number 5: Bane. Lol. I mean, seriously, lol. So unthreatening it's hilarious.
If you've seen it already, do so again. But this time, put out of your head that it's the sequel to 2 very good Batman movies (not hard, given #1). Then we'll talk.
I can honestly say that I wish I had not seen this movie.
Mid Morning Matters with Alan Partridge (2010)
Alan Partridge - like a funnier, more cringing David Brent
I was never a fan of Coogan's character, and when he was big in the late 90s, I never really understood the excitement my friends showed for him. But, having watched Mid-Morning Matters, I can honestly say that it is incredibly clever, superbly-written and genuinely hilarious stuff. Coogan has implied in the past that he has been hard-done by, not getting the recognition he deserves; given the fact that Gervais has done so well after The Office, this is actually justified. If you enjoy a bit of cringe humour that will have you laughing very hard while groaning and peeking through your fingers, you can't get any better than this.
Tron: Uprising (2012)
A very good start
After the hype surrounding Tron Legacy, I was severely disappointed by it: it was dull, terribly-paced; flat.
Tron Uprising is far from that. While it's difficult to compare a CGI cartoon to a movie (having said that, it was more CG than not), I find it astonishing that it outshines the latter in almost every respect. The writing, while simplistic, keeps every episode fresh with variety. The voice acting is superb with Bruce Boxleitner reprising his role as Tron and Elijah Wood, while not being a prime choice given his high tone in my opinion, does the job. The action sequences are ambitious for a CG cartoon, which are usually the Achilles Heels of such shows. Finally, and most importantly, the pace of each episode is very well-thought out, ensuring that the story flows naturally while keeping things snappy and packing a lot into 20 minutes.
The main improvement they could make to the show is to the choppy animation of the character models. I'm guessing it was a conscious decision to make it appear more like traditional animation, but the framerate is far too low, making the well-choreographed fight sequences seem like they're happening in strobe lighting. Also, Beck's model looks like an absolute chump, and it certainly doesn't fit Wood's voice.
But, good stuff! Would like to see this show go on.
The Looney Tunes Show (2011)
Unexpectedly funny!
Wow, when I read the premise for this series on IMDb, it sounded like the worst concept for a show ever - sullying the good name of Bugs Bunny et al! I was wrong! This cartoon is very, very funny - but whereas the humour of the original was in the animation and slapstick, it has now shifted to the dialogue, which is really quite witty and daft. It is so funny that it consistently has me laughing out loud through the episodes (specifically the banter between Bugs and Daffy), a feat only the likes of 30 Rock and Malcolm in the Middle can achieve - and for that, it deserves a high rating from me.
Just some dodgy points: the CG Roadrunner skits in every episode aren't the greatest thing ever - they really should be more thinly-spread. Similarly for the Merry Melodies, but these are usually more enjoyable. I'd like to see story lines using the wider range of characters too.
But seriously, don't assume this show is terrible - give it a watch! See if you were as pleasantly surprised as I was.