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The Crow (2024)
5/10
If you know nothing at all about the OG classic film, this one is still so meh...
15 September 2024
I haven't read the comics. But I absolutely consider Proyas' original film to be a superb piece of fantastical filmmaking. And that unquestionably to me Brandon Lee was on the cusp of true stardom with his performance as Eric in The Crow.

This film gets so much wrong. The relationship between Eric and Shelley here is just so cringe and overly contrived. The original film portrayed them as true good hearted innocents with their lives savagely taken by a group of detestable criminals. Everyone that Eric exacts vengeance upon in the original is a criminal. For example of how weak this film is, here, Eric's main killing spree is against likely ignorant bodyguards who are simply hired to provide security to wealthy man. And in Proyas' film, even the bad guys all have outsized personalities - twisted, evil personalities but they have character all the same.

I love Bill - he is a talented actor for sure. As well Danny Huston is wasted here. The overtly satanic tones of this film also is dumb. Michael Wincott was terrifying as the main baddie in the OG.

But FKA Twigs is simply not a good actor at all and should stick to making music.

Thirty years on from the classic The Crow. This film is simply irrelevant and just did not need to be remade. It would have benefited a bit with a totally different title but in the end Brandon Lee's peformance and Proyas' vision for the character of the crow is the only one that matters.

A meh 5 out of 10...
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Lift (I) (2024)
6/10
A far less insufferable Kevin Hart makes for a reasonably entertaining heist film
4 September 2024
People who try to dissect and criticize heist films like this really make me laugh. They seem to fail to understand that as with nearly all heist films throughout the history of cinema a massive does of suspension of disbelief is required. As if a heist film is some kind of high art cinema piece.

Laughable, right?

Absurd heist plot as usual in this one, but augmented by some very nice visuals, mostly non-cringe acting from a generally likeable low-key crew and a noticeably restrained Kevin Hart all make for am eminently watchable caper film. Throw in a few nice to see faces like D'Onofrio, Worthington, Reno and Burn and what we have is a fairly welcome, competent addition to the heist genre IMO.

Heat, it ain't. It also sure ain't the Ocean's 11 remake with ludicrous star power involved.

But with the requisite suspension of disbelief in place for these kinds of films, this one is not terrible at all.

Hart should take a lesson here and tone down his persona much more often to become less of a clown onscreen.

This worked for me, under these parameters.
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7/10
Review films for what they achieve, not framed by your own disappointment
27 July 2024
Yes, the sci-fi geek in me would have loved to see more insights into the aliens. Yes, the action fan in me would have loved to see pitched battles between the desperate human military and the beasties. Yes, some shots of the invading alien ships and humanity's utter lack of defenses would have been fun.

But none of those are what this film decided to be.

Instead, we get superb acting from Lupita and Joseph, a few truly terrifying moments of tensions, some epic scenes of destruction of my home of Manhattan and we are treated to one of the most well-trained cat (2x!) performances ever caught on film.

At its heart, A Quiet Place Day One is a very quiet, personal film, one that delves into the human will to live even in the face of imminent death - whether from a terminal disease or from monsters beyond imagination. How easy it would have been for Lupita's character to just scream her lungs out and allow the aliens to end her misery.

As an examination of the indomitable human spirit while under the most unimaginable duresses possible, this film delivers just fine.

Rate films for what they are. Not what you hoped they would be.

It's fine to be disappointed and I am glad to read many of the more critical comments here recognizing the excellent work presented.

But don't slam and piss on a film that is actually a well-crafted piece of work.
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5/10
Difficult to believe how far Renny Harlin has fallen...
25 July 2024
Renny has made some quite good films though sadly they seem to be relegated to decades past. A quick look at his directorial efforts shows he gave us pretty fine stuff like Cliffhanger, The Long Kiss Goodnight and Die Hard 2, with a few other good ones thrown in.

This one is shockingly poor, brings nothing new at all to the original film and has the feel of a movie made by second year cinema students.

I'm sad for Renny.

This is a poor man's effort at remaking the quite tense and well-done original film. With far worse actors, writing and execution across the board.

Renny, you're better than this POS.
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9/10
Simply brilliant. Needs to be required viewing by all modern musicians
13 June 2024
Just revisted this utterly brilliant documentary after initially seeing it in 1985 and then twice more in the intervening decades. There really are no adequate superlatives to describe this effort. Across the board, from Apted's (RIP) perfect pacing and editing, to the showcasing of truly monstrous musical talent from all involved as well as an amazing amount of deeply personal moments in the life of Sting, one of modern music's greatest talents.

So many brilliant moments were captured here it's nearly pointless to try and list them all. One of my personal fave scenes was the sequence where a group of elderly tourists toured Napoleon's castle and were confronted with Sting and his brilliant cohorts ripping it up during rehearsal. The looks and reactions from some of the elderly tourists were priceless, everything from some being overwhelmed at the volume to a few clearly bopping and sincerely enjoying the music.

Every member of the band was given time to shine and to express themselves honestly, especially Branford.

This film is a testament to the sheer brilliance and joy of musicians from different walks of life and genres getting together and lighting the world on fire.

Every single person or act who considers themselves to be musicians absolutely must view this documentary, a documentary that is objectively among the finest of its type ever put on film.

9, only because I wanted so much more....
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7/10
The CIA has no remit to operate within the borders of the USA
31 May 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Unlike others, I actually liked this second Becky installment a bit better than the first. 14 year old sociopathic teen taking on four hardened criminals is taking the Home Alone concept a wee bit too far for me. Still, it was mostly enjoyable, aside from the excessive teenage screaming by Becky.

The actress is pretty great in both - that's never the problem for me with these two.

So nice to see Stifler playing a very hard badass. Nice bit of anti-typecasting effort by Scott.

While equally fantastical and unrealistic, at least Becky is now older, wiser and has been hardened a bit, even training in survival and kill skills.

OK. It's a movie. I can buy that.

Overall, reasoanly executed could of films, but I rate this one a tad higher.

As for the offer to join the CIA [which, again, was the complete wrong intelligence agency to use, shame on the writers for such a basic error: Homeland Security, FBI or even NSA would have been far more accurate choices]. The ending was easily anticipated.

Would I watch a third and final installment of plucky, psycho/sociopath Becky as she terminates the group behind those key coordinates?

Yeah, probably.

But this time, leave Diego out of it.
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3/10
"Comne on mom! Make me believe you're having an orgasm!"
29 April 2024
Putting aside my own feelings about Elizabeth Hurley (lustfully positive!) and the morally questionable decision to choose your son to direct you in a film best described as mindless titllation material, this effort is about as amateurish and empty as you would expect. Deeply annoying characters across the board, secondary school levels of direction and acting, overabundance of meaningless facial closeups and utterly cringe dialog all combine to result in nothing other than a nepotismic vanity project.

Even the location smacks of nothing short of "look at how the idle rich live" - be jealous of your sad life.

And no, even the eternally lovely Elizabeth Hurley cannot redeem this piece of nonsense.

3*, my lowest rating given on imdb. It hurt me to not give it 4* but we didn't even seen enough of the forever vixen Elizabeth Hurley. Because not enough skin.

If you are one of those who live for IG/TokTik idiocy and all of its manufactured lies and/or you are the kind of person who wears high heels (which I love on a woman in the right contexts) while traipsing around clifftops, beaches and grasslands, this movie will be a joy for you.

Normal folks grounded in actual reality need not view. Especially since Miz Hurley doesn't reveal any of her particularly luscious assets on camera.

Damian: Go find another job. STAT.
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The Squad (II) (2023)
3/10
Zero redeeming qualities. I weep for the future if this is how GenZ tries to make "movies".
25 December 2023
Despicable characters. Lame attempt at acting. Overly loud, unnecessary "trendy" music. Incoherent, utterly unbelievable plotline. Useless kids and cast pretending {and failing} to be "actors" and ooooh, such badasses. Barely competent photography.

And they don't even have the decency to give us any nudity.

A complete waste of time and I watched it at 3X speed as well.

Really struggling to post the required characters here. Honestly, this gets a 3 from me only because that is my bare minumum rating on imdb - as lousy as any movie might be, I do acknowledge that actual people put it some kind of effort to make a film.

But in cases like this POS, they're all better off looking for a new, radically different career path.

Truths. Not hysterically fake shill review.
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Psychopaths (2010)
3/10
Indeed, the English are perfectly capable of making pure rubbish as well
5 April 2023
Deplorable characters without any redeeming values, pathetically amateurish, melodramatic acting, truly cringe-worthy "dialogue", secondary school level direction and production and all capped off by an adolescent's idea of "being hard and tough" by spewing the F word and the C word literally every other second.

I love low budget. I love Troma-type films. I love classic video nasties. This one however lacks any kind of sense of humor and comes off as nothing less than a hack effort across the board made by incompetents who would better serve society by selling off all of their lousy camera equipment.

3* which is my absolute minimum for any film, simply to give passing respect to the effort. Sadly I can think of no redeeming qualities in this mess.

Shakespeare, it ain't.
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Confinement (2016)
5/10
Same exact film as DARWIN (2016) - renamed title only
11 May 2021
Just read the reviews for DARWIN (2016).... Money grab re-issue of the exact same film.

The original was meh. This renamed title is obviously still meh.

Disappointed to see the great Molly Parker here.
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1/10
Shamefully, blatantly plagiarizes entire scenes and dialog from Red Dragon, Manhunter and Silence Of The Lambs...
20 June 2020
I support low budget cinema. When undertaken with genuine passion and ingenuity, the results can be superlative. I draw the line however at films like this that blatantly and shamelessly steal entire scenes and virtually all the dialog from far superior, previous films.

Specifically here, entire sequences, dialog and plot setups were lifted directly from Manhunter, Red Dragon and Silence of the Lambs. I can only speculate that Thomas Harris, Michael Mann, Jonathan Demme and Brett Ratner and their respective production companies would simply laugh at the ludicrously amateur ripoff of their work shown in this "film". And in fact, they would all probably agree that to pursue legal action against the group responsible for this travesty would be a complete waste of time as it's clear that this group would have nothing worth suing for.

I can only imagine the cast in this film being ashamed after reading the so-called script. And don't even get me started on the utterly pathetic acting across the board.

I rarely if ever give lower than a 3 rating for films here on imdb, believing that even in the worst films real people put in some real work.

In this case, this film insulted me so much that it gets a 1.

Congratulations for failing so utterly while stealing from films that are modern classic serial killer/police procedural films.

To the so-called writers and so-called director: give it up and get a real job.
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Family Demons (2009)
3/10
Sorry shill reviewers: Australia makes some fine movies - this ain't one of them....
2 February 2020
This entire piece looks, sounds and plays like something done by people with no idea at all what they're doing. Some folks here are mentioning the message. OK. That's why this film gets even my lowest imdb rating of a 3.

It's been over 10 years since this disaster - I truly hope they have moved on and done other things or at the very least, learned something. Anything.

The minimum rating of 3 here is also to acknowledge the effort people put it. Still, just because you spent 10 hours cooking something doesn't mean you have a clue what you're doing.

The result matters as well and in this case, the result is simply terrible on every cinematic measure. So terrible that I don't even know where to begin to dissect it and instead will just suggest people STAY THE F AWAY....
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Star Wars: Rebels: The Forgotten Droid (2016)
Season 2, Episode 19
8/10
Stephen Stanton's voice here is a dead ringer for Alan Rickman's....
30 December 2019
Just had to mention this - I was completely fooled until I looked at the credits.

Great job Stephen....RIP Alan.
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7/10
Pleasantly surprised. Gritty, low-key small film with strong, realistic feeling performances...Felt similar to Ghost Dog Way Of The Samurai in many ways...
26 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Never heard of this film and it seems few others have as well given the lack of reviews here on imdb. Which is a shame because this little film about redemption after a lifetime of crime is worth a viewing. Populated with actors I have never seen before, everyone comes through with taut, genuine feeling performances, backed up by dialog that feels real as well.

This is no over the top cartoon movie about dangerous people doing dangerous things with cheesy dialog and Fast & Furious fantasy stunts.

Garland Scott turns in a very strong performance as a recently released felon who makes a deal with the authorities, snitching on his former criminal associates in return for early release and a new identity. But Scott's character has a deep sense of devotion to the wife and child he left behind and he risks it all to go back to his old neighborhood to reunite with his family, all the while being hunted by those whom he betrayed. Scott plays the strong, silent type throughout, capable of instant violence yet tempered by a still decent heart.

As I mentioned in the title, this film to me does have some similarities with the excellent Ghost Dog Way Of The Samurai which featured the breakout performance by the great Forrest Whitaker. Both films are quiet films, avoiding excessive music and score accompaniment which actually lets the actors and movie breathe a bit.

Technically, the film is similarly low key, shot with competence instead of cinematic trickery.

The film is far from perfect. But what is there is an old story competently executed and definitely worthy of a viewing.

I give it strong 7.
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Death Note (I) (2017)
7/10
Superfans forget: not everyone in the world knows the source material. Rate the film as a film instead....
11 November 2019
I had no idea this was based on anything. Sure, I know Akira, Ghost In The Shell, Hellsing, Battle Royale and maybe a few others, but that's about the extent of my manga/anime knowledge. And as popular as manga/anime has become in the West, it is still a niche genre. Them's the facts.

If those superfans are able to step back out of their extreme partisanship, they would find a slick, competently produced, directed, shot and acted piece of cinema. Production values are quite high overall and the acting, while far from Shawshank, is also not abysmal by any means.

Trust me, I have seen a lot of abysmal acting in films.

Willem DaFoe's voiceover was terrific and I personally found the character of "L" pretty interesting.

All the 1 ratings are completely out of place for this film if one solely judges it as a standalone piece of cinema. And of course with a healthy does of suspension of disbelief, which given the actual source material is a complete must anyway. It can be argued that the MCU (and the DCU for that matter) has done much the same thing with their adaptations so what's the huge problem here?

Rather, a 5-7 star rating for this film as a standalone film would be far more appropriate. Honestly.
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Marla (2018)
1/10
PSA Warning: This one is so awful it scores below my minimum imdb rating of 3...
10 November 2019
I am a confirmed movie freak, one who equally enjoys watching films from across all genres, from Corman to Wells, Nolan to Scorsese, Tarantino to Troma, Carpenter to Aster, Kurosawa to Miike, Russo Brothers to Spielberg - you get the picture.

Rarely, if ever, have I witnessed a film with a combination of such pathetic writing and insufferably un-charismatic, beyond-wooden acting.

I can't decide which was worse - the writing or the so-called acting. I really, really hate to be so harsh, but the lead actress here gave a performance that was simply the most uninteresting, least engaging and most profoundly awful that I have ever had the displeasure to witness in my life. Honestly. Again, to be fair, this car wreck of a performance extends to everyone in the cast and likely the blame is equally due to the so-called writing.

There simply is not a single redeeming aspect to be found anywhere in this travesty.

I just changed my mind - this film doesn't even deserve a 2. It gets a 1 from me, a rating that in more than 15 years on imdb I may never have actually awarded to any film.

This one is just that terrible. Sorry again to be so very harsh - but I call 'em as I see 'em.
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6/10
Traci Lords, a BC Rich double-neck guitar and over-the-top 80s shredding - what more do you need?
9 November 2019
It ain't Taxi Driver...it ain't even Crossroads. But if you were around during the 80s metal scene, have a sense of humor in your headbanging soul and can appreciate schlocky films, this is a fun way to blow 75 minutes. Bonus for scantily clad big Aquanet hair girls prancing around. For me, a keeper, just for old times sake.
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3/10
This one gets my minimum imdb pity rating...barely
29 August 2019
The two gushing shill reviews here are so pathetic. I mean come on - at least space out your disposable imdb logins on different dates. Morons.

So...what's to like about this film? Nothing.

The only thing I can say is that at least they tried. Still, we all may have been better off if they hadn't in this case.

Especially irritating was the nearly non-stop expositional voiceover during the entire film from the protagonist. Why...just why?

This film was so laughably bad largely because it tried to play it straight. Instead, it might have actually benefited from some over the top Deadpool-style wall breaking and gone for a "we're all laughing also" approach throughout.

We know you don't have the money to replicate Endgame. But you don't have to in order to make a good film.

Oh and the ADR audio dubbing throughout the whole film was simply awful.

Nothing to see here at all people.
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I See You (III) (2019)
2/10
The only person in the whole world who enjoyed this movie is the so-called director....
27 August 2019
Rarely have I ever seen a film as ridiculously disjointed and as utterly pointless as this one is. Red letter day - worst film of 2019 by far!

To say this is a story-telling mess is to understate the case exponentially. There is no narrative that makes any kind of sense at all - unless perhaps you're perpetually wrecked on mushrooms. Like the so-called "director" and "screenwriters" clearly were.

Even their shill review efforts failed miserably here on imdb.

Andrew...take a good hard look in the mirror and then engage in some serious soul-searching. You're clearly in the wrong business and I'm sorry but utter trash like this is not going to get you anywhere.

This is one of those rare pieces of irredeemable trash that actually gets lower than my bare minimum imdb score of 3. Good job. My 2 star rating here is given purely out of sympathy to the cast and crew - none of you deserved this and hopefully you will all move on from this pile of feces.
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Incoming (2018)
4/10
Love Scott Adkins...but this one is shockingly bad
27 August 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Even the fight scenes feel phoned in here. This film is the far lousier, less competent across the board, evil clone of the still meh but far superior movie Lockout with Guy Pearce, Peter Stormare, Maggie Grace and others.

In other words, Lockout had actually good actors as well as far superior production values and...gasp...story!

Plus you get to watch Guy Pearce channel his badass wiseass self for the whole movie. And Maggie Grace looks nice.

Sorry Scott - strike this one from your filmography immediately.
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1/10
Best. Shill Review Efforts. On imdb. EVER...
16 September 2018
That is the best thing that can be said about this film. I have never come across a film of this category where the efforts of shill reviewers have been so co-ordinated and so successful. The film as of this writing has a rating of 6. Simply LUDICROUS.

A not-so-deep dive into the accounts of the "glowing reviewers" easily reveals the truth. But even more damming are all the "xxx of xxx people found this review helpful" votes. The ratios of helpful shill reviews reach ratios which are patently impossible even for a genuine classic films like The Godfather.

The only thing this film's producers did right was to hire a few smart, motivated shill reviewers who understand how to play the system here on imdb.

I am giving this film a "1" just to offset the damage these morons have done.

The film actually has acceptable acting thought that's pretty much it. Without the idiot shill review campaign here, I would have given it my minimum "3".

"1" because crime doesn't pay. Not in the end....
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Dead Night (2017)
5/10
Opportunity squandered: good visuals hampered by weak storytelling
31 August 2018
Warning: Spoilers
As is often the case, the wildly varying imdb reviews fail to hit the mark. Dead Night is a fairly well-shot, supernatural horror flick containing some better-than-low-budget visuals, creature effects and gore. It's just that the production team forgot one key point when making a film:

It's the story, stupid.

Not going to dissect Dark Night here - a couple of other reviewers have done a pretty good job there already. Still, for me, this is certainly not a "9" but is equally not a "2". The criticisms about the near complete lack of a storytelling narrative are not unfounded. This is a film that desperately needed a singular storytelling voice.

The truth then, as usual, is somewhere in the middle. This one gets a pretty strong "5" from me for the look and feel alone. Plus a few non-cringeworthy performances.

Oh, and Barbara Crampton does a fine job as well.
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5/10
Retitle this and you have a fine though unexceptional 6-7 star film....
8 June 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Tons of cogent and inciseful reviews of this film here - no need for me to add anything else on the disservices this film does to the masterpiece original novel and Truffault's excellent adaptation.

So instead, I will focus a bit on the actual cinematic elements of the film.

Visually, the film is a mixed bag. Some occasionally excellent dystopian-esque imagery gets lost at times in some over-the-top Blade Runner homage, this time replete with emojis, digital flames on buildings and live chat feeds during news broadcasts. Not a fan of that last as it screamed "Hey! I'm being relevant and hip!" The set designs are occasionally interesting and for the most part the overall look of the film is your fairly standard dystopian style. Nothing exceptionally noteworthy but generally inoffensive.

The performances are also a mixed bag. Shannon is as compelling as he usually is. I particularly enjoyed his moments of "private" introspection - the inner conflict he actually does feel comes through pretty well. Jordan is a fine actor and he continues to build his chops though to be perfectly honest you'll have to ignore his first 15 minutes on screen as they are fairly cringe-worthy. For that I blame the director...The rest of the cast is adequate though some of the "Eel" rebels are a bit over the top.

Others have said it best here - when you blatantly title your film after one of the greatest pieces of modern fiction ever written, well, you damm well better deliver the goods. All of them and at the very least, the main concepts. This film reminds me of book review essays written by people who read the Cliff's or Monarch Notes (Monarch Notes at least were significantly more meaty) synopses instead of the actual source material.

Again, as another reviewer noted, had the film been titled something like "The Fireman - based on Fahrenheit 451" it would have been deserving of at least a 6 star rating here from me.

As it is, they clearly bit off way more than they could chew and are paying the price for an awfully incomplete remake and film adaptation.

Meh film - read the book, watch the original film and take a look at one of Bale's earliest works, Equilibrium, instead.

5 stars out of 10 - they did it to themselves.
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3/10
Correct title: Blair Witch Goes To Europe!
9 May 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Wow...just wow. Every so often I come across a film that actually screams out for me to give it my lowest imdb rating of "3" {which is as low as I go while still trying to give a bit of respect for the work people undertook}.

Yep...this one gets a "3"! And boy do I wish I could go lower than that. But no, I will stick by my own guidelines.

Let's get right to the bottom line: this "film" is, no joke, nearly a shot by shot, sccene by scene ripoff of the modern classic Blair Witch Project. Honestly.

They changed the location {Europe! Just like Chevy Chase did}. They added snow to a forest! They changed the gender of the creepy local to a guy and made him a total ditcher guide!

Pretty much everything else is directly ripped off from BWP, including a tent confessional from a guy this time when things start going sideways.

The only thing missing was a ripoff of Heather's fear snot...

One could not possibly find a more effective way to waste one's time while watching this god-awful piece of garbage.

Team Devil Complex: seriously...polish up those CVs...don't ever foist such crap on the world ever again, at least not until you go to night film school.

There. I said it. Thus far as of May 2018, The Devil Complex is the absolute worst movie I have had the displeasure to watch this year. And there have been a few stinkers but none so far that has prompted me to write a warning review.

Don't. Please...for the love of god...DON'T WATCH THIS DRECK...You're welcome...
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3/10
Corrected film title: The Agony Of This Film....
6 April 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Imdb user rushknight has beaten me to it with a spot-on review of this ludicrously bad piece of film. I will simply augment their review with this list of this laughably horrible film's lowlights:

  • Agonizingly terrible overacting across the board: check


  • Unbelievably inept and inconsistent sound editing and audio levels: check


  • an awful MTV style video piece thrown in during an "action" scene: check


  • pointless insertion of grainy, shaky CCTV footage for absolutely no reason: check


  • laughable amounts of close-up teen angst scenes intended to but failing miserably at displaying emotion: check


This one clearly gets my minimum rank of "3". And that's being generous. The UK has produced quite a few superlative horror films in recent years. This is absolutely not one of them.

rushknight: well-played review.
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