Change Your Image
nogodnomasters
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Mr Crocket (2024)
Sharing is Caring
The opening scene is a child watching "Mr. Crockett" a show on a VHS tape. He is engrossed to the dismay of his abusive step-father. Mr. Crockett ( Elvis Nolasco) comes through the screen, kills the step-father, and takes the boy to his side of the screen. Years later, Summer (Jerrika Hinton) is having issues with her son (Ayden Gavin) following the death of his father. He acts out and watching Mr. Crockett is the only thing he wants to do. He has a fight with his mother and Mr. Crockett comes to take Major. The police don't believe her, but there is another woman and man who claimed they have lost their child. Summer decides she must save her child.
This is low level special effects. The characters were mediocre and I didn't care if the children were saved and given back to their abusive parents. It was okay.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Purge (2018)
Resist
This review is for both Season 1 and Season 2. Season one follows a number of different subplots. The whole first season in one purge night. The main line is about an ex-marine looking for his sister. She joined a cult that sacrifices themself to be purged. He tries to locate her with the help of Pete the Cop. An executive has hired a purge on her misogynistic boss. A couple is at a safe party run by The New Founding Fathers of America, a far-right group that instituted the Purge. They are looking for funding for a housing project. To create drama, a woman is there who was once shared their bed. The subplots come together by a man who is killing the Purgers and is saving them for his own reasons.
None of the first season characters appear in season 2. Season 2 likewise runs with several plot lines. Episode 1 is a complete purge. The series then runs as we get to see the aftermath from a purge and how folks prepare for the next one which happens at the end. Esme Carmona is perhaps the main character in the second season. She works for the NFFA and discovers things are not as they say it is.
I was mostly bored with the characters, perhaps because I was waiting for the actual purge. I was rooting for those who managed to kill the purgers.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Carved (2024)
It's just a pumpkin
The film takes place in 1993 to eliminate cell phones. It opens with a teaser that reoccurs about a half hour later. The town of Cedar Creek Pioneer Village is trying to get past the toxic chemical spell caused by a derailment. They are celebrating a pumpkin festival which includes a town play and ceremonial carving. Clint (Matty Cardarople) drives the corn truck and finds a large ugly pumpkin on Craven Hills Farm. This appears to be homages to Wes Craven and Clint Howard. When they attempt to carve the pumpkin, the movie takes off.
There is a quick 30 minute character introduction. Kira (Peyton Elizabeth Lee) who wrote the town play is the main character. She cares for her brother Trevor (Wyatt Lindner). She is upset with her boyfriend Cody (Corey Fogelmanis) who is going to leave town. Trevor has a crush on Maddie (Sasha Mason) who plays a flute.
The special effects are of Charles Band caliber. Most of the attacks are in the dark or hidden. The comedy aspect could have been better.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Another Cabin in the Woods Movie (2024)
She's Not Trish, that's for sure
This is not like the original "Cabin in the Woods" film which is far superior with a larger budget. This is a low-budget version without the guys behind the scenes. Grant (Matthew Wise) the odd-looking guy and Sarah (Clea Alsip) are getting married at the cabin and invited some friends. Carter (Duane Cooper) is the token black guy expected to die first. Trish (Alyson McKenzie Wells) is the promiscuous blonde. Dani (Nicole Pacent) has a history with Grant. Beth (Jackie Byrne) is the smart logical one. Walter (Ralph Cashen) is the creepy caretaker and Hector (Joe Bandelli) is the minister who flirts with all the women.
They used non-royalty music which made it sound like a 1940s thriller. The radio playing in the background describes the action and what is to come. It takes the place of the more expensive guys. The film is a who-dun-it which I thought I had figured out. There are worse comedy horrors out there.
Guide: F-word, Sex. Nudity (Alyson McKenzie Wells)
The Penguin (2024)
I love you, Ma
Colin Farrell plays an unusual role in heavy make-up as a criminal Oz Cobb who will go on to become The Penguin in the Batman series. The first season gives us details of his rise to power forming and breaking alliances selling a new euphoric street drug called Bliss. His main ally and foe is Sofia Falcone (Cristin Milioti) the mob boss heiress who has to take over her family on her own accord. She is in competition with a rival family. Os Cobb cleverly plays them against each other.
The series is an interesting crime drama considering we know Oz Cobb doesn't die in the end. I don't know if we will ever see Batman in this series, but it has a long way to go. They did have several boring scenes and flashbacks. Overall it was a decent watch.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
El Cid (2020)
Needs one more Episode
As a genealogy buff, I love these old historical tales as they are our ancestors. El Cid (Jaime Lorente) for example is my 30th gr-grandfather. We never see his wife and children. He is of noble heritage but serves Sancho (Francisco Ortiz 28th gr-granduncle) as a squire and later as a knight. It is the story of control of the kingdoms of Spain as brothers fight against brothers. It starts with Ferdinand the Great (29th gr-grandfather) fighting against his illegitimate half- brother Ramero (29th gr-grandfather). The background not shown in the film is their father worked to unite Spain only to divide it up among his 7 children. That didn't work out. Later Ferdinand does the same thing with his 5 children, who also end up fighting each other. El Cid is caught in the middle of all of this. It shows him as a great fighter and wise counsel to the king. Half the film is on the royal family. I descend from 3 of Ferdenand's children. Sancho's wife Albeta is claimed to be the daughter of William the Conqueror. Most historians doubt that later account. Alfonso (Jaime Olías) is seen as single. He eventually has multiple wives including the Muslim daughter of the emir of Denia.
Urraca (Alicia Sanz 28th gr-aunt) is the fem fatale in this film. Her ambition is not known as is her love for her brother. In the feature Elivra of Toro the sister who wanted nothing more than to be married, eventually does get married in real life and becomes my 31st great-grandmother.
The film is okay. It is not as good as The Last Kingdom. El Cid is made to look normal and not a larger-than-life hero as we have come to expect.
Guide: sex, brief nudity. The F-word is not spoken, yet appears once in the subtitles, which never matched the spoken word.
Canary Black (2024)
I'm not a traitor
Avery Graves (Kate Beckinsale) is the world's greatest CIA spy. She kills a couple of guys and robs their safe of a thumb drive in her introduction scene. She is married to David Brooks (Rupert Friend). While at work, her husband is kidnapped. Avery is instructed to get a file to prevent her husband from being killed. It is located inside a tooth of a captive at a CIA black site. It isn't there. She is now on the run as an enemy of her own agency, she needs to locate the file and have it all done by midnight. Tick-Tock.
Most of the filming is done at night, which is not good for my eyesight. I needed to turn off all my lights to watch it. Avery is tough but is no Evelyn Salt. The film has a twist and leads into a next possible film. Even though this is an action film, it felt slow. Characters were bland.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Sopranos (1999)
I wasn't talking to you.
The Sopranos is a modern Greek tragedy. Tony, the leader of the New Jersey mafia, is seeing a psychologist. This gives us insight into his sociopathic mind. Like "Lucifer" he uses the words of his psychologist to give him justification for his deeds. It was said a few times and became self-apparent that Tony was his own worst enemy. He has anger management issues that turn him into a protagonist you can not love. Jamie-Lynn Sigler as Tony's daughter was the closest thing to a family voice of reason. Tony's wife is a willing captive looking for an out. Tony's son is a constant failure. There is constant infighting within the group. It seems that almost every episode Tony must maneuver a compromise or have someone killed. The theme song invokes impending doom. I was hoping the ending would be AJ, the son, feeding ducks to bring the film full circle. All during the season, major characters die. I would of also have liked to see Junior give us a sign of clarity as if he knows the safest place for him was in a care facility.
Guide: F-word. Sex. Nudity.
Ouija Witch (2023)
There is only rot
The films opens 25 years ago in Salem. Two girls with an old Ouija board contact Mary Blackwood (Cheyenne Phillips) a woman who was hung and burned as a witch centuries ago. Laura (Mabel Thomas) asks that she kill her cheating boyfriend Tim (Chris Jehnert). Both end up dead, witnessed by Viola (Sara Frankino). Twenty-five years later Viola ( Maggie Wagner) is living with her daughter Sarah (Miley Rose). Sarah works as a waitress in a bar. After work, she gets roughed up by some customers. She summons Mary Blackwood for revenge.
This is like a rape-revenge film except there is no rape, just heavy bruises and the victim has a spirit to do the work. The acting and script were not up to par. The soundtrack left much to be desired. You can go to your grave having never seen this.
Guide:F-word. Sex. No nudity.
The Deuce (2017)
Time is the winner
The Deuce is the nickname for 42nd Street, the heart of New York. It is the history of the adult industry in the city from about 1971 and runs for 15 years. James Franco stars as Vincent, a personable bartender and his twin brother Frankie, a man with a gambling problem. Vincent's people skills is recognized by the mob and he is fronted his own bar. The adult side starts off with pimps and prostitutes. It evolves into peeps and parlors. Maggie Gyllenhaal is the other main story. She is a prostitute who does films and moves on to making films. Margarita Levieva is Vincent's girlfriend as they practice an open relationship that doesn't always work because they love each other. Their stories were not as impressive as Lori Madison (Emily Meade). Emily gives us a convincing Oscar-worthy performance. She made me believe it. Aids ended the film.
The film is gritty. Main characters are killed off. It runs with a half dozen subplots and frequently bounces from scene to scene.
Guide: F-word, sex, nudity.
Blood and Snow (2023)
I think she liked you
Two oil geologists are in the remote Arctic. When their ride arrives for their return, one is dead (Stéphane Tremblay) while the other is covered in blood and in a state of shock. Marie (Anne-Carolyne Binette) is in a state of shock with blood on her face. Marcus has been decapitated. His head is missing. Back at the base, Marie is taken care of while she is in a coma. There is much discussion while she is out and much more boring dialogue once she is out. They eventually figured out the geologists were not after oil but a meteor that had landed. Marie has been taken over by an alien parasite and desires to leave the station and spread. She is willing to kill and does.
There are other female alien/species films who desire to reproduce and spread. They are far better. This one combines the worst of them and "The Thing." Watch "The Thing", "Lifeform" or "Species" instead.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Behave (2024)
You Can't kill me without my consent
Sophie (Naomi Ost) disappears in the first scene. She is dating an older man. Soon afterward, Polly (Georgia Viero) has a retreat for her son (Washim Abdul Gafoor) and four of his friends. The place is rumored to be haunted. There is a creepy gardener named Charles (Christian Vit). Polly takes everyone's phone and invites Nancy Bloomfield to speak to the group. Nancy is a TikTok lecturer on teen behavior.
Most of the film is the interactions between the teens and their desire to score some alcohol. Their personalities tend to be boring. Lillie (Eleonora Bindi) was the only decent character. The rest were cardboard. It takes a while before someone goes missing. Pretty boring stuff.
Guide: F-word. Implied sex. No nudity.
Ghost Planet (2024)
Are you here to rescue me?
The film is basically a few people acting against a green screen. There is heavy CGI. The Stone siblings are Tesseranauts. Alien technology is being used for "potluck" space travel. They hit the throttle, and they are in a random place in space. They travel near a neutron star that has an even more advanced ship, but they fail to retrieve it. A return trip is planned which includes a "synthetic" being. (Georgia Anastasia). Deadly pirates are pursuing them.
The plot was sketchy. Joe Mayes who plays the main character has trouble acting. The opening has excessive first-person narration. The film hints at daddy issues to be explained later. I had tried to watch this once and had to stop, it was so boring. I managed to make it through on a second try. In the future, flying cars have no seat belts or airbags.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Salem's Lot (2024)
The Town that dreaded Sundown
Ben Mears (Lewis Pullman ), who is "some kind of writer," returns to his hometown of Salem's Lot to draw inspiration and research for his next novel. He meets Susan (Makenzie Leigh), and they quickly hook up. Earlier, we see that Straker (Pilou Asbæk) is a new businessman in town, operating an antique store. He has purchased the old Marsten House whose history we see in news headlines. Straker brings the coffin of Barlow (Alexander Ward) to that location. Mark Petrie (Jordan Preston Carter) is the new kid in town. He has been taught to stand and fight. When Raphie (Cade Woodward) goes missing, the action accelerates quickly.
I like this better than the original. It has a good pace. There is an assumption you are somewhat familiar with the characters and back story. Loved the scene at the Drive-in with the trunks popping open.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Silent Thunder (2023)
Dying men don't lie
Plot spoilers. Marshal Spencer Sunday (Ted McGinley) is riding through Arizona with two captured bank robbers. They meet a couple of bounty hunters, the best characters in the feature who are soon ex-bounty hunters. They stop a stagecoach stop. We then spend time building characters. We hear a tale about dog-men beasts who live in the mountains. They abscond with women whom the use as breeding material. The word is after the child is born, they kill and eat the woman. Five dancehall girls arrive. One of them knows one of the bank robbers. When the women leave town the dog-men stop the coach and abscond with them. The men have to go to the rescue.
They started with some decent characters. It takes too long for the abduction as we discover the other characters are boring.
Guide: F-word. Sex. Nudity (Laura James, Amelia Jackson-Gray, +uncredited)
Maid Droid Origins (2024)
Having a normal session
Eve (Katie Kay) is a maid/sex android. After having a "normal session" with her owner she chokes him to death out of curiosity. She disables her GPS tracker and finds her creator Timothy (Bryan Brewer). She confesses her crime and asks him not to turn her in but to discover the issue. Eve also has dreams where a woman (Fawn Winters) instructs her on how to cope with the humans. Timothy is married to Belle (Cassie Ghersi) and is in a femdom relationship where he is regularly spanked.
The script was bad. The dialogue and acting was far worse. A couple of people reciting poorly scripted lines. Very amateur production. Free on Tubi.
Guide: Minimal Swearing, sex, and nudity (Katie Kay, Cassie Ghersi). Appears to have some nude and sex scenes as they are expected, but not too much.
1992 (2022)
It is like Fort Knox
OG Merc (Tyrese Gibson) has been out of prison for 6 months. He is raising his teen son Antoine (Christopher Ammanuel) following the untimely death of his mother. He works as a maintenance man for Pluton Metals in Los Angeles 1992. It makes catalytic converters. They await the verdict of the Rodney King trial. Murphy (Ori Pfeffer) is a thief. He plans to rob the platinum at Pluton Metals which is contained in a very secure safe. His dad (Ray Liotta) vetoes the plan as it is too risky despite the high return. During the riots, they change course to break into the safe. Merc lives in the center of the riots. He seeks the safety of his workplace for himself and his son. Needless to say, they cross paths with deadly results.
This was Ray Liotta's last film. There was nothing extraordinary about the feature. Conversely, there were no bad scenes either. There are better Ocean 11 films out there.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Crow (2024)
The only direction is down
This production is not nearly as good as the 1994 version. Bill Skarsgård who plays Eric, the title character is not as dark and scary as Brandon Lee. We know he is going to die and come back. It takes about 40 minutes to develop the storyline and characters which was done poorly. Shelly (FKA twigs) quickly becomes Eric's love after meeting in a prison drug-reform boot camp. They escape and quickly become lovers until Vincent Roeg (Danny Huston) kills them both. Vincent has sold his soul to the devil for longevity. Eric returns and is constantly getting his butt kicked.
The characters were poorly done. I didn't get that vigilante rush like I did from the original. I can't believe his sadness for a woman he only knew for 10 screen minutes. Not well scripted.
Guide: F-word. Sex. Brief nudity.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)
Daylight come and me wanna go home
I was entertained by the film with sincere apologies to Richard Harris and classic rock. Years later Lydia (Winona Ryder) has a TV show exploiting her abilities to see ghosts. Not everyone believes she sees ghosts including her daughter Astrid, correctly cast as Jenna Ortega aka Wednesday Addams. We discover the couple in the home has moved on. Lydia has a good relationship with her step-mother. Lydia's father dies early in the film which leads to a Soul Train of events. In the afterlife, Danny Devito has an accident while mopping and accidentally reviving Delores (Monica Bellucci) the wife of Beetlejuice. With heavy makeup, Michael Keaton has not aged a bit. It turns out Delores is a "soul sucker" and there is death in the afterlife. They call on Afterlife Vice cop Willem Dafoe to hunt them down. He was an actor in real life who made many cop films.
The plot was a little jerky, but it was all about the scenes. You will be lost watching this film if you didn't see the first one as the jokes in this film piggyback on the original. There is no recap.
Guide: Near F-word. No sex or nudity.
Slingshot (2024)
It has side effects
With the Earth needing resources, Odyssey-1 is on its way to Titan. It is commanded by Captain Franks (Laurence Fishburne). Nash (Tomer Capone) and John (Casey Affleck) are the crew members who pop in and out of a chemically induced cryo-sleep. The film concentrates on John, who has flashbacks of his time with Zoe Morgan (Emily Beecham), a mission engineer. There are side effects of the sleep which include disorientation and hallucinations. The focus is on John's issues. A ceiling panel pops off and the crew questions the integrity of the ship. They fear a break-up from the stress of their slingshot from Jupiter. They have lost contact with Houston for some reason. Nash wants to go back as the production poorly attempts to recreate the "Crimson Tide" theme. Tensions increase as does the effect of the drugs.
This is a psychological film that I found myself feeling bored. The acting was good and it was clear this would make a better book than a film. It seems odd that they couldn't counter the effects of sleep, or have tested it better. I didn't know why the slingshot had to be done manually when computers can handle it.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Soul belongs to the company store
The film opens with a large spacecraft catching a piece of Nostromo wreckage from "Aliens." The film shifts to Rain (Cailee Spaeny) and her android "brother" Andy (David Jonsson) stuck on a mining planet. Their required hours to leave the planet have just doubled. Depressed she joins her friends who have an idea. They have spotted an abandoned craft drifting in orbit. They plan to fly up to the craft, board it, and steal the cryo-tubes. The nearest planet to escape is 9 years away. They need Andy to access the craft, a space lab called Romulus and Remus because it is divided into two parts. Exploring the vessel it isn't long before they are stuck in a room and need help to get out. Soon, the aliens appear and they are in for a battle.
The preceding films make things a bit predictable. I imagine fans of the series might be excited over a new installment. I am in the crowd that says, let it die. They really stretched things to hammer out a sequel.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Yakuza Girl (2024)
I just want to protect and serve
The story centers on detective Kenji (Masashi Ishizuka) who kill a Yakuza boss in the first scene shoot-out at close range. We learn he used to be a Yakuza and trained the boss's sister who plays a very small role in the production for being the title person. It is a bit of a head fake. It is discovered that the Yakuza is dealing drugs in Los Angeles so Kenji leaves Japan and goes to LA to team up with an American detective ( Chris Spinelli) to take down the Yakuza. His America counterpart has zero personality. Their plan appears to bore them death in an interrogation room.
The film moved at a snail's pace. Too much time is spent on "filler" scenes that do nothing to move along the plot. Soundtrack was horrible. Dialogue and script was juvenile. What little fighting they had, there was no choreography. No one can act. Avoid.
Guide: No swearing, sex or nudity.
Wynonna Earp: Vengeance (2024)
History only knows who wins
This a sequel to a Tubi series I did not see. There is zero introduction of characters. Wynonna (Melanie Scrofano) is a descendant of Wyatt Earp and is heir to his life as a demon fighter. Doc Holiday (Tim Rozon), apparently the real Doc Holiday (not explained in film) is her lover. Her home town of Purgatory (filmed in Alberta) is annoyed by a demon (Karen Knox) that is calling her out over something that happened when she was in "Juvie" where she majored in jello-shots and conjuring demons. A girl was captured by a demon and wants revenge. Wynonna is joined by her sister (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) and her wife (Katherine Barrell) in the fight.
Not knowing the characters made the drawn out taking scenes very boring. FX not that great. Decent dialog.
Guide: F-word. Brief sex. No nudity.
I Saw the TV Glow (2024)
I paint my ceiling black
Owen (Justice Smith) is not your typical teen. He has over-protected parents and describes himself as empty inside. He meets Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine) two years his senior. She is engrossed with a TV series for young adults called " The Pink Opaque." It concerns two teen girls who use psychic powers to combat a monster every week sent by Mr. Melancholy who is the moon. Maddy claims there is deep mythological meaning behind the stories. The film hints that Maddy has a troubled home life involving her stepdad, but it does not go into detail. The show is cancelled and Maddy disappears.
About an hour into the film, we get our first WTF moment. The film deals with various ideas and concepts but not too well. It touches on how time goes by; our sense of reality; and how we see things differently as adults. Owen narrates his life story. At one point Maddy asks him if he ever feels like a narrator in his own story. I missed the meaning behind it. Over billed as a "horror" movie.
Guide: No F-word, sex, or nudity.
Titans (2018)
Fan Fiction Quality
I can't believe I managed to sit through four seasons of teen angst. Most of the time the characters self-analyze themselves. They keep discussing their feelings and what is important and how they messed up. Season 1 introduces Raven (Teagan Croft) and her battle against Trigon. It was good for 8 episodes and then they started their flashback episodes. The first one re-introduces Hawk. He was molested as a child, but we didn't need a whole episode for that. They also use flashback episodes to fill in plot points, like how did we jump to this point? Many of the major characters die, and most are brought back to life. The characters are mostly cardboard. The series lacks the comical quips DC is famous for, especially by their villains. The villains are boring. Jonathan Crane (Vincent Kartheiser) had a lot of potential.
Guide: frequent F-words. Sex and brief nudity.