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Das Geheimnis der drei Dschunken (1965)
The Secret Of The Three Junks
Stewart made a seies of Spy movies in mid 1960s, this was the first (aka"Red Dragon"), quickly followed by "The Killers Carnival", a tryptic where he starred in one segment out of of three, "Target For Killing", "Requiem For A Secret Agent" and "The Zygon Factor", all 4 of which were made in 1965-66 and were just about the last gasp of his movie career.
I think Stewart would have been a strong candidate to play James Bond back in the late 1940s early 1950s, so for anyone yearning to see what an older James Bond might be like, over a decade before Sean Connery and Roger Moore did it, he's your man.
This one has a serviceable script and direction, played straight, with a decent amount of action, though not as much as one might expect from a Bond movie (or a typical Eurospy film)
Materials used in the creation of nuclear weapons are being smuggled via Hong Kong and the local agent has been killed, so the Americans send in an Englishman to sort it out (He's referred to as being an FBI agent, which makes no sense, as the FBI only handle domestic matters, so it should be the CIA).
Stewart plays a suave, cheerful "Roger Moore" type secret agent in this one, and the rest of the lead cast also manage to make an impression; - Rosanna Schiaffino as Stewart's female agent partner, Sieghardt Rupp as the #2 villain, Margit Saad as the female villain, Paul Klinger as Norman and particularly Horst Frank as the nasty henchman.
The director makes the most of the exotic location of Hong Kong, which is used extensively and could be a major reason for watching the film.
The first half is pretty quiet, action wise, but the second half picks up the pace and provides plenty.
Twice Stewart survives having his car strafed by gunfire and run over a cliff, by diving out the door. That could be considered one time to many for a single movie?
The finish gets a bit messy, including several attempts by Stewart to save undeserving bad guys from fires and bombs, but he doesn't succeed, so by the end all the villains are dead and he gets the girl (in fact even his comic relief sidekick, Harald Juhnke, gets a girl).
Fans of Stewart Granger should enjoy.
Bersaglio mobile (1967)
Sergio does a Eurospy
Ty Hardin only made one Eurospy movie, but more importantly so did Sergio Corbucci, rated by many the next best Spaghetti Western director after Sergio Leoni. Corbucci created the legendary "Django". This one was filmed during his peak period, after "Django" but just before "The Great Silence", "The Mercenary" and "Companeros".
You quickly become aware that this director has a much higher level of technique, superior to any Eurospy director in my experience. This is less glamorous and more gritty than most Eurospy, in fact you could argue that, apart from being made in Europe and being about spys, it has more in common with Cold War espionage films like "The Ipcress File", "Funeral In Berlin" or "The Quiller Memorandum" with a story more grounded in real World of spying, being related to a microfilm list of agents that various groups want to get hold of. But it also has a lot more action than most Cold War movies, so I guess it sits somewhere in between.
The screenplay, also by Corbucci, has some clever reveals and twists, which also lift it above most other films in the genre. The soundtrack is full of music designed to punch up the tension and drama. Greece is the exotic location this time, so we spend quite a bit of time at the Acropolis and driving around Athens in a fine array of classic 1960s vehicles, a Fiat 850 Coupe, a Citroen DS, a Mk II Jag, a Merc 190B, a Roller and even a 2CV. (Apologies if I got some of the models wrong, I'm not an expert).
Ty Hardin reminds me of a better looking version of Stacey Keach and his acting is also better than most Eurospys, but he never really made the big time (or even the "B" grade big time). Michael Rennie brings the "International Man Of Mystery" character that he played in the TV series of "The Third Man". The supporting cast are all memorable; - Vittorio Caprioli as Ty's wily old pal "Pizza". Gordon Mitchell ("The Albanian") and Remo De Angelis ("The Bulgarian") are suitably menacing as the leaders of two rival gangs. Graziella Granata is vivacious as "Rumba", the dancing girl of ill repute, Paola Pitagora is sympathetic as "Greta", the girl who is forced to work for the villains against her will, and Hum Silvers is good as the resourceful street urchin. There are also a number of other colourful cameos, reminiscent of the type viewers are accustomed to seeing in the Spaghetti Western genre.
Someone else on IMDB commented "I heard Leo's (de Caprio) character in "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood" would be partially based on Ty Hardin's". I.e. Quinton Tarantino has watched this film and enjoyed it (as did I)
PS - other interesting information about the real Ty, who was a true "International Man Of Mystery"
In 1958, he had his name changed legally from "Orison Whipple Hungerford Jr." to Ty Hardin.
He married the 1961 Miss Universe, German beauty queen Marlene Schmidt. At the time of his death, Hardin lived with his eighth wife.
In 1974, he was arrested in Spain for drug trafficking and spent time in prison
In the 1980s, after difficulties with the Internal Revenue Service, Hardin founded a tax protest movement known as the "Arizona Patriots".
While appearing in a TV series called "Riptide" in Australia, he memorably told a journalist, "I'm really a very humble man. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my looks, my stature and my talent."
Le spie uccidono in silenzio (1966)
High Body Count
This is a polished Eurospy production played very straight and serious, in fact it could do with a bit more wit and humour.
The screenplay and direction are both decent, there is always plenty of going on and the body count is unusually high, which helps distract from possible plot holes. In that way it reminded me a bit of "Goldfinger" or "You Only Live Twice", in that there were a number of events which didn't seem to make much sense, however some of them were adequately explained later, while others remained a mystery, and I was left wondering if that was just because I overlooked something.
The soundtrack is top notch, understanding which scenes need to be punched up with tense or dramatic music and which will benefit from a shot of cool jazz or breezy travelogue style music
The action zips back and forward across the Med, from Beirut to London to Madrid and back to Beirut, giving TWA plenty of product placement plugs along the way.
Lang Jeffries looks the part, but rarely cracks a smile. Even with the beautiful women he is all business, no time for flirting until the very last villain has been dispatched. Only then, in the final scene, does he loosen up and reveal a lighter side (and a romantic interest in the girl he has saved). Admittedly, in this regard, he's not given much to work with, as the script is very dry, dialogue wise.
Andrea Bosic gives a convincing performance as the villain, although he's easily identified as such from the beginning. He delivers his lines with suitable arrogance and authority, although, as with Lang, the script doesn't provide much in the way of memorable byplay between him and the hero during the several scenes where he expounds on his master plan and what he's going to do to Lang and the girl. He has an impressive classical mansion with a mod "Ken Adam-esque" underground lair below.
His master plan is to rule the World using a mind control drug he has developed, and later to project his commands into people's minds over long distances using a "special ray" (which appears to be no more than an ordinary movie spotlight). However exactly why he has been drawing attention to himself by using his mind controlled assassins to threaten and murder leading scientists, who are working on projects which might benefit humanity, remains a mystery, because, at the moment Lang asked him that question, the copy of the movie I have switched from English to German and by the time it reverted to English he was talking about the mind control drug. (Perhaps a German speaking person out there who has seen the movie can enlighten me?)
Female characters get little to do, although one does take the pivotal action which eventually saves the day.
Possibly the closest attempt to a "From Russia With Love" style Bond movie I have seen in a Eurospy.
Estambul 65 (1965)
Chico Is The Man
A top notch Eurospy in the "Roger Moore" vein, that is to say, mainly played straight with the odd lapse into broad comedy, which, depending on your personal point of view, may be regarded as ill advised. Apart from that there is a decent script, plenty of good action and a sound-track which seeks to help crank up the drama and tension.
Istanbul is an excellent exotic location and the director makes the most of it, both as a background setting for conversation and as a foreground setting for action.
An American nuclear scientist has been kidnapped in Istanbul and ransomed for a million dollars, but there was a double cross. The CIA are told to stay out of it by the politicians, however one of their female agents wants to take a look into it. She's spotted someone she recognises in the background of one of the photos and persuades her boss to allow her to go over "on holiday".
Sylva Koscina plays the agent and she gets a several opportunities to demonstrate she can look after herself and even save the day on occasion. Later Perrette Pradier is also effective as the kidnapped heiress.
Horst Buchholz plays a Rick Blaine type, a disillusioned ex-pat American, who feels his country let him down. He runs a casino and seems to know every girls in town. Horst comes on brash, confident and streetwise, an impression which is somewhat undermined by his eternally youthful looks (although he was 32 at the time) and he doesn't sound remotely American. He refuses to help her, but she uses her "womanly wiles" to change his mind.
Horst also gets to drive a classic E Type jag and it gets plenty of screen time before its inevitable demise, going over a cliff into the sea.
One of the strengths of this movie is the casting. Horst has two reliable and resourceful sidekicks, both of whom make a memorable impression, Gustavo Re as "Brain" and Alvaro de Luna as "Bogo".
The villains are even better, creepy Klaus Kinski and beefy Mario Adorf have charisma to burn, but while Mario plays a significant role in much of the movie, Klaus is somewhat underutilised, although, when it finally arrives, his big scene is a very good one. Augustin Gonzalez is also good and Gerard Tichy gets a metal hand with a pop out blade to enhance his character. However the mysterious leader of the gang is a twist I won't spoil.
The Chinese are also involved, as they would also like to have the scientist, but their characters never rise above the level of cyphers.
There are two action scenes which I felt were inappropriately comedic, the police raid on the casino, which was played for slapstick laughs, and a similar bust up in the Turkish Baths later on, where Horst also dresses up as a woman to gain entry to the female area. About as convincing as Sean Connery playing a Japanese fisherman or Charles Gray in drag as Blofeld. Horst also breaks the 4th wall a couple of times, but it's just not that sort of a movie. For me breaking the 4th wall should be reserved for movies where the main character is the whole focus of the story, as is the case with Michael Caine in Alfie. Here it's just kind of random.
In the end we learn that the gang have been preparing to set up a nuclear lab on a ship and extort money from various governments. Ultimately they plan to rule the World from a private island base. The ending seems to go on a bit, after the main villains are defeated, next the Chinese turn up and are dealt with in a perfunctory way, then Horst has to give the authorities the slip and then there is a further quite long action sequence involving a train and a helicopter before Horst gets the girl and the credits finally role. All fine and dandy as individual scenes, but perhaps one wafer thin mint too many when taken together.
Recomended.
Segretissimo (1967)
Top Secret aka Segretissimo
This is another Eurospy which doesn't seem to know whether it wants to be taken seriously or be a comedy, and thus fails to do either.
Did they start out wanting to make a serious Bond knockoff, only to have a change of heart and try to switch to a spoof? Or did they just realise that what they had made was sub-par and decide that their only chance was to and try to dress it up as a spoof, in the hope of salvaging something from the wreckage? Or is it just an attempted spoof that isn't very funny? Movie spying before Bond was generally a serious business and Bond still took itself seriously, but also introduced more glamorous and fanciful elements. However many also felt the franchise crossed the line into parody and the "Spy Spoof" became a fad.
The opening credits of this one strongly suggest it is going to be a comedy, but after that proceedings are mainly played straight, apart from a frequent and annoying "boing" sound effect in the sound track. There are other random moments which might be interpreted as humorous, but they are few and far between.
The MacGuffin is a pile of Nazi secret documents from the war that could contain information which may either be useful or just embarrassing to various parties. Someone has smuggled them out from behind the Iron curtain, but now they have gone missing and everyone wants to find them. The Americans assign Gordon Scott to the task.
Gordon Scott has boyish good looks and a genial nature, but doesn't really display the level of sophistication expected from an "International Man of Mystery". Magda Konopka does better, as the woman who is not what she seems, on the other hand Aurora de Alba's character starts out promisingly but is then underutilised and fades into the background. The villains are numerous but largely undistinguished.
Exotic locations include Casablanca, Rome and Naples, none of which are used particularly imaginatively.
At first the plot develops adequately enough, however eventually it becomes apparent that the makers only have half a script and don't know what to do with the middle section of the film.
Some of the individual action scenes are top notch, but taken together do not add up to a satisfactory whole. The characters end up going around in circles much time, without really moving the story forward. Over and over Gordon leaves the hotel, gets ambushed, fights his way out (or not) and eventually returns to the hotel dishevelled. Moments later he is off again, eventually with the same result. The villains get the drop on him, then he turns the tables and so it goes on, like deja-vu all over again. The villains also deploy several versions of the customary "over-elaborate method of executiing the hero" gambit.
The ending is something of a "The Spy Who Loved Me" scenario. It turns out there's only one competent agent in this film and it's not Gordon Scott, its International Woman of Mystery, Magda Konopka, who's been representing Russian interests. It is she who really succeeds in carrying out her mission, leaving Gordon in the dust in the process.
However she takes pity on him in the end, and is waiting patiently in bed in his hotel room when he finally makes his way back to the hotel for the umpteenth time, looking much the worse for wear, as usual.
No wonder Gordon decide to retire after this one!
Le spie uccidono a Beirut (1965)
Message From 077, The Spies Kill In Beirut
This is a top of the range Eurospy with a decent script, direction and action, involving a good mix of fists, guns and cars, plus a fizz boat and a helicopter for the finale. There is some humour, but for the most part everyone plays it straight, the balance achieved being similar to that of a Bond movie.
Note that the music is on point from the opening scene, aiming to assist in creating the air of mystery and apprehension, not the breezy travelogue or cocktail jazz that many other movies in this genre mistakenly use.
The MacGuffin is a microfilm containing Russian H-Bomb secrets which have been stolen by a scientist (or scientists) for sale to the highest bidder. The Russians want it back and the Americans also want to see what it contains, so they assign the mission to their best agent - Bob Fleming.
The locations are a mixed bag, a little bit of Paris, quite a lot of Hamburg and then on to the titular city of Beirut. Hamburg is a dreary location, it always seems to be grey and damp looking, with few if any picturesque landmarks to use as backgrounds. The City Council must have been offering a bit of money, in order to promote tourism, because later Warren Beatty and Goldie Hawn also came to town to film their heist movie "Dollars".
Here the film makers do their best, visiting a club on the Reeperbahn, one of those with phones on the tables, so patrons can phone strangers at another table (The table number is also the phone number and is displayed on a number holder flag, tourists phone each other for amusement, while the regulars phone prostitutes to arrange an assignation) and making use of the vehicle elevator and tunnel under the river, as "Dollars" did. Plus they manage to incorporate some amphibious cars into the action, that were actually being used by the Hamburg Wharf Police at the time.
Richard Harrison, who looks like a blond Ben Affleck, is armed with several electronic gadgets before he heads off (laser beam pen, microwave detector pen, tracking devices inside aspirin (along with a watch that is also a receiver) and the script ensures that they all come in handy, but the best thing he has going for him in Beirut is a very resourceful little taxi-driver / agent and his tricked out vehicle.
Luciano Pigozzi is the pick of the villains, very creepy, but Aldo Cecconi isn't far behind him, as the Russian leader. However neither of the women are given much to do. Wandisa Guida, on the Russian side, gets to cast a few malevolent glances but little more, while Domenique Boschero is merely a damsel in distress, whether fending of Richards clumsy advances or those of the Russians.
All the usual following and chasing and being captured and escaping is present and handled competently, although I can't recall seeing an agent who gets sapped on the back of the head during a mission as often as Richard does.
However during the climactic scenes the script does appear to lose its way in my opinion. The sudden spit between the Russian agents makes no real sense, It seems like a surprise twist for the sake of reducing the number of opponents for Richard to overcome, or It's a case of real World political reality intruding into the fantasy Eurospy World, because this was made during the height of the Cold War, only a few years after the Khrushchev UN shoe banging speech, Berlin border confrontation and wall, Bay of Pigs and Cuba missile crisis, when movie makers were unofficially warned not to make movies that might provoke the Russians (China was often substituted as the villain instead). Later the reasons for not initially firing at each other, during the boat versus helicopter chase, are unconvincing, particularly on the Russian side.
However on the whole, it's a superior effort by Eurospy standards
NB; - Richards level of "charm" is particularly debatable to modern eyes and he won't rank very high on anyone's "suave-o-meter". I particularly enjoyed this piece of dialogue on the plane ride to Beirut where he encounters the scientist's daughter for the first time
Richard - "Wolf whistle"
Liz - "Do you often break out into bird calls?"
Richard - "That's my mating call, when I see a beautiful bird I can't help reacting instinctively... you mind if I..." (Indicates empty seat next to her)
Liz - "I do mind, I like to be alone"
Richard - "You're making a mistake, you'd have had a lot more interesting trip with me there. Anyway the offers still open" (Turns away and reads his book)
Liz - Coldly examines his profile, but says nothing
Richard - (Turns back toward her) "Um, one final question, are you always so nice to people?"
Liz - (Shakes head) "Only to the vulgar ones"
Now that never happened to the other fellow!
Kommissar X - Drei grüne Hunde (1967)
Kill Me Gently aka Three Green Hounds (And Three Heroes'!)
The fourth edition of this free-wheeling franchise is still full of energy and vitality, although I found the plot progression was a bit ragged at times, with some components not always fitting together as smoothly as one might hope for.
Turkey provides the requisite exotic locations this time, firstly history soaked Istanbul, and later, via the magic of cinema, the spectacular rock formations and cave dwellings of Cappadocia are suddenly within easy driving distance.
Istanbul has always been a classic location for espionage stories and has become almost overused in recent times (Skyfall, Taken 2, Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare etc.) but back in the 1960s, it was still relatively fresh, particularly from an action movie standpoint. The famous heist movie "Topkapi" that came out in 1964, may have attracted the producers' attention.
The action scenes continue to make inventive use of the locations, whether running across the rooftops of Istanbul, zig-zagging between the domes, sliding down the channels between the wind-scoured rocky spires or chasing dirt bikes along the steep ridges and around the bases of same.
The fight scenes continue to be well choreographed, although now trending toward the more comedic style familiar to the English speaking World as "Trinity" or "Terrence Hill & Bud Spenser" style, which began to emerge about this time, however Tony and Brad were doing it first.
Instead of just the customary bantering duo, this time around they add a third likeable hero, who contributes just as much as the regulars to defeating the villains. Tony and Brad are joined by Rudolf Zehetgruber who played Barrett, the animal collecting landowner in "Three Golden Cats". He returns here, with a significantly beefed up role. His name is now Almann, a vet who lives on a boat, so he still loves animals and has a few around, including the bear cub from his previous appearance.
As usual there are numerous beautiful women, which are sometimes quite hard to keep track of, I must admit I found "Jenny" (Rossela Bergamonti) and "Leyla" (Olga Schoberova) hard to tell apart, but I think Jenny ended up in hospital for the duration just about the time Leyla first appears. They are both involved inadvertently, after witnessing something they shouldn't. Sabine Sun is one of the main villains, while Christa Linder, who shows up to drag Tony out of trouble a couple of times, is out for revenge, having had the customary sibling killed by the villains (in this case a brother). As usual Tony flirts a lot, but never gets the girl, although once he returns to his room to find Rossela in his bed, however she has been drugged unconscious by the baddies, and later he shares a bath with a naked Olga, but it's only to help him hide from the police and he remains fully clothed.
The MacGuffin is a container of LSD which the villains want to steal and sell to a buyer, who may or may not want to use it to disable NATO forces. The main villain is of the surprise twist variety, so I won't say anymore, which means the three henchpersons do most of the heavy lifting action wise. As in "Death Be Nimble" there is a big powerful one, played this time by the appropriately named "Samson" Burke (born Samuel in real life) who is shown to be an expert oil wrestler, a crafty, slippery one, played by Herbert Fux and the third is the aforementioned Sabine Sun. All make a colourful impression in their roles.
With the help of Turkish NATO forces (and a donkey) the traditional mass battle with the Villain's tribe of bandit allies is won and the baddies all get their just desserts
Recommended.
Kommissar X - Drei gelbe Katzen (1966)
Death Is Nimble Death Is Quick (aka Three Golden Cats)
Tony Kendall and Brad Harris ride again, in the second edition of Kommissar X, this time in exotic Sri Lanka.
The camaraderie has developed, with Tony and Brad, by turns bickering and bantering, now frenemies who grudgingly respect each other's abilities. The beautiful girls are plentiful, although, as usual, Tony doesn't get any further than first base with any of them (at least on screen) and Brad is all business.
The early scenes in the film flow very nicely and set things up perfectly, re-establishing the nature of Tony and Brad's characters for those new to Commissar X, and reminding and reinforcing them for those already familiar with the boys from "Kiss, Kiss, Kill, Kill".
As usual there is plenty of great action, but about half way through the plot gets a bit too tangled for its own good. Someone tries to kidnap a rich American land owner's daughter (the Lincolns) and when that fails they threaten to destroy his land in some fashion. Either way the main thing is they want a million dollars. Tony is hired by the landowner and Brad is there to investigate the death of an American embassy guy (Baker) who was killed in the kidnap attempt.
There's a mysterious secret society called the "Three Golden Cats" involved, a nephew who's playing both sides (Dawson), a police chief who may or may not be under their evil influence (Khamar), a woman who wants revenge for her sister's death (Michelle), a friend of hers (Champa), another landowner who has left the country (Farrell?) and just for good measure, yet another local landowner (Barrett) who owns a menagerie of animals. It all becomes rather difficult to keep track of.
In the end, it turns out there is also a mad scientist (Dr Flynn) involved, who is working on a deadly bacteria that even the Americans are not interested in developing further, so he has teamed up with the "Three Golden Cats" to extort some funding from his neighbours. The deadly bacteria is a bit of a McGuffin and never forms a significant part of the story, it's all about grabbing the million bucks.
As far as the villains go, the henchmen are really the stars of the show, Dan Vadis (who later went on to work with Clint Eastwood in 5 films) is magnificent as "King", the bald-giant-martial artist, and Siegfried Rauch as "Nitro" the American assassin who likes to carry vials nitro glycerine around in his jacket pockets (like James Coburn in "A Fist Full Of Dynamite"). The Kung Fu craze in the West was still a few years away when this was made, so it is leading edge stuff for 1966.
The first and best climax in the film is the much foreshadowed martial arts showdown between Brad Harris and Dan Vadis, which fittingly takes place inside a cave temple on top of the spectacular Sigiriya, the monumental rock which towers 180 feet over the surrounding land. It has been the site of everything from a monastery, to a fortress, to a palace, over its timeless history. It reminded me of the finale of "Way Of The Dragon" at the Coliseum, however it is clear that the local authorities weren't prepared to let the film crew loose on a site of such cultural significance, which would have made the fight scene even more impressive, but I can understand their reluctance to do so.
After a second climactic action scene, at a jungle airfield, we have the customary comic epilogue, where the girls love Tony and Tony loves the girls, but somehow he doesn't end up with either (but wins over an elephant instead)
The standard in this sequel remains high so I recommend it.
A 077, sfida ai killers (1966)
A077 - Challenge The Killers
Richard Harrison, who looks like a blond Ben Afflek, plays a different Agent 077 to Ken Clark.
The villain's motivation is one which still has resonance today; - some scientists have developed an alternative energy source to fossil fuels and someone whose fortune depends on fossil fuels is determined to have them killed to stop them.
However the producers only seem to have half a script. The dialogue is bland and although Richard Harrison does his best to charm, he's not given much to work with. The action scenes range in quality from mediocre to disappointingly comedic.
One thing the film isn't short on is beautiful women, Susy Anderson, Wandisa Guida, Janine Reynaud and Mitsouko all bring something distinctive to the table and are there for more than just decoration. This is an unusual number of significant female characters for the 1960s; - there is one who appears to be bad but turns out to be good (sort of), one who appears to be good but turns out to be bad, one who starts out bad but has a change of heart, and one who is just bad.
The wheelchair bound main villain is quite memorable, reminiscent of Raymond Burr playing Ironside, only with the pallor of a corpse.
Thanks to Humphrey Bogart and co, Casablanca has a famous name, but although it's Morocco's largest city, it is also one of the blandest and not nearly as picturesque as Marrakesh, Tangier or Fez.
After all the usual following and chasing and getting knocked out and escaping, the Director finds himself short of a climax and decides to pad out the running time with 10 minutes of comedic bar room brawling apropos of nothing.
Richard participates enthusiastically in the slapstick fight between two groups of wharfies (half inexplicably smudged with grease or coal dust and the other half with flour), along with several sailors and a dwarf. Meanwhile the main villain leaves his wheel chair and drags himself slowly and painfully across the floor to the doorway for no good reason (he could wheeled his way over and taken his shot through the curtain of beads from his wheelchair just as easily, and far more quickly).10 minutes is a long time in a movie and the fight long out says it's welcome, while the change in tone is jarring and inappropriate.
Then the film gets back on track,, with the main female assassin, who escaped in the confusion of the brawl, heading off to Geneva, with Richard in hot pursuit. But the second finale is also a bit of a fizzer, just tamely petering out, rather than providing an emotional payoff for the audience.
The epilogue is a satisfactory "The Spy Who Loved Me" scenario where Richard gets the last girl standing.
Overall, as Douglas Adams put it, "Mostly Harmless".
Furia à Bahia pour OSS 117 (1965)
Fury In Bahia (And Fun In Rio)
According to Frederick Stafford "I married an Austrian girl in Bangkok in 1964 and among the bouquets at the wedding was one from a French film producer. He said "How would you like to make movies with me?" and I replied "Why not?"
"I was rushed off to Brazil to make my first film in Rio de Janeiro, and have been busy ever since."
This is another polished OSS production, with a decent screenplay and Rio as a great exotic location, but lacking a certain "je ne sais quoi" (as the French might say).
There's seems to be a slight "ennuyeux" about most of the proceedings for me, a lack of "panache", which seems surprisingly thing to say about something French. They are following the formula established by the Bond franchise, perhaps even trying to be more "realistic" than Bond, but, in doing so, losing some of that element of the "fantastical" which made the Bond movies such a huge success.
When compared to say, the "Commissar X" films I've seen, which are a bit all over the place tone wise, but frequently produce inspired moments to delight the viewer.
However, after some consideration, I have decided that the main fault lies with the soundtrack. A mix of Bosa Nova inspired "travelogue" and "cocktail jazz" music. Don't get me wrong, those styles definitely have their place, but in this case the makers don't seem to know when to stop. Although the standard of on screen action is excellent, the music rarely provides any assistance to help generate suspense or tension before, after, or during. Other Eurospy sound tracks are often melodramatic and overwrought, but they at least bring some energy and help set the appropriate mood for dramatic moments, while the music in this one is often either non-existent, or played too quietly, or of an inappropriate style for the moment, or lacking the punch and drama required.
Fred does pretty well considering it's his first acting gig, cool and suave. There are three beautiful girls, one bad, one dies and one for Fred. There is a nasty blond henchman with a prominent scar and the fight choreography is exceptional (in particular the operating room scene and the blow torch scene).
The villain wants to become the Dictator of the whole of South America (the ultimate "Junta"? A form of government which South America was infamous for in the 1960s and 70s). His lair is located in the jungles of Bahia and I found it a bit drab and underwhelming. Now, if they had located it on San Martin Island, in the middle of Iguasu Falls, it would have been much more spectacular and "Bondesque".
As it is, they do attempt to make use of the falls in the finale, but in a very unconvincing way. I mean why would anyone try to escape by paddling a canoe toward the edge of the largest waterfall in the World? The guy's has had his secret base located nearby for some time, so he's not going to be unaware of it's existence. It's just a Eurospy movie, I know, but the OSS films aspire to be better than that.
Bondesque moment
Fred is dining with a beautiful girl on a terrace overlooking Rio. The waiter arrives with the ice bucket
Fred - "Oh, what's that?"
Waiter - "Mexican champagne sir"
Fred - (Giving him a look of distain) "Have you any whiskey?"
Waiter - "We have Portuguese Scotch sir"
Fred - (Looks away and ponders for a moment) "Bring us two Brazilian vodkas then"
Se tutte le donne del mondo... (Operazione Paradiso) (1966)
Our Man Mannix
Apparently this was intended to be a Bond "spoof" rather than a more serious Bond clone, but who knows.
Some people say Bond movies have at times become self-parody's that deliberately spoof themselves, which they may have done to some extent in the 1970s, starting with "Diamonds Are Forever" and later, in many of Roger Moore's outings, but not in the 1960s. Even "You Only Live Twice" is played dead straight and serious at all times, not as deliberate comedy. Back in the day many people seemed to think that just because incredible things were happening, that made it a "spoof", but these days does anyone regard movies like the "Fast & Furious" franchise as "spoofs", despite all the physics defying CGI stunts?
For me the dividing line is usually in the way the actors play it, i.e. Straight or comic. For instance, to me, the Flint movies are "spoofs" because much of the acting is hammy and many of the scenes are clearly played for laughs. Whereas, even in the Bond movies that contain considerable silliness, there are still moments of gritty violence (e.g. The elevator fight in "Diamonds are Forever") or spectacular action (The pre credits scene in "Octopussy") and most of the actors play it straight at all times (Which, to me, doesn't preclude Bond from making amusing quips at the villains or engaging in flirting banter with the ladies).
But in many films it's not always so clear cut, as some producers may try to have a bob each way, in order to have two chances of finding an audience. Such films usually end up falling between the two stools. Which brings us to "Kiss The Girls & Make Them Die"...
For me, this is a film that can't seem to make up its mind whether it wants to be a spoof or be taken more seriously, and this split personality is never more clearly on display than in the opening two scenes.
The first features Terry Thomas, hamming it up to the hilt, as intrepid, pit helmeted, explorer, Lord Aldric (although someone else does the voice over) in a noble savages in the jungle scene, all very reminiscent of "Benny Hill".
This is immediately followed by an exciting action scene in the stunning setting of Christ the Redeemer, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, which includes a chase and shootout inside the famous statue, with views looking along one of the statues arms and also from the top of its head (these shots were not fake, the statue is hollow inside). Very reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's use of the Statue of Liberty at the climax of "Saboteur" (one of his lesser known classics, b/w and without a really big name star, but I can highly recommend it) or Mt Rushmore in "North By Northwest". It's like we have jumped into a completely different movie.
Mannix plays a secret agent with a penchant for bananas, he's investigating the theft of some top secret radiation research information, but, at first, he thinks he may be on the wrong track, because Raf Vallone appears to be more interested in pretty women, and Mannix surmises he may be a high end white slaver.
Raf Vallone makes for a great charismatic villain and comes equipped with an impressive semi-circular desk that revolves, so that he can watch the battery of screens he has on the wall, in order to spy on his bevy of beautiful girlfriends (who are unaware of the cameras planted in their apartments). However it turns out he is not a white slaver after all, just a very jealous voyeur.
He has a couple of suitably sinister henchmen, a creepy blond "Peter Lorrie" type (played by Sandro Dori) and a bald "Eric von Stroheim" type (played by Oliver MacGreevy).
Plus a luxury yacht, an amphibious car, an airplane, a helicopter and an underground lair out in the jungle (with entrances that pop up out of the ground and give away its position to passing secret agents).
One of the women Raf is fascinated with is Dorothy Provine, who appears to be a English upper crust airhead armed with a wardrobe which is consistently a crime against fashion. I kid you not, her clothes are some of the most misguided "haute couture" ever captured on celluloid. However it turns out to be just an act, she's really a British agent, and reveals herself as capable of playing it straight and serious when in the company of Mannix.
I particularly enjoyed the scene with she and Mannix sparing over who has the drop on who, which was apparently later cribbed by the Bond franchise itself - if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then that is high praise indeed. Her character is somewhat reminiscent of Lady Penelope from the TV series "Thunderbirds", as she has a posh valet / driver and a tricked out Rolls Royce full of useful gadgets.
The valet / driver is played by Terry Thomas, who does much better in his second role in the film. On the surface he plays the architype British "Butler" character, competent, unflappable and very fussy about details of appropriate etiquette, dress, food and drink etc but above all keeping the Roller spotlessly clean.
However later he is also revealed to be a man of violent action, who can be relied upon to defeat multiple henchmen or mop up any other minor loose ends that his mistress or Mannix have somehow managed to overlook (like disabling the radiation generator inside the rocket, which was going to orbit the earth and make everyone below impotent.).
Terry must really have enjoyed re-watching himself (or possibly his stuntman) in this one, heroically beating up the bad-guys for a change, rather than doing his usual specialty - the "Dick Dastardly" pantomime villain. Here, while still undoubtedly being a comical figure, his performance stays within the bounds acceptable for a "Roger Moore" style Bond film, and that's true of the rest of the movie itself, played relatively straight with a level of humour no worse than that of one of the lighter Bond films. In fact, if only all of Roger Moore's Bond humour had been as good as the slow burner running gag with the banana and its eventual payoff, I'd have been much happer.
Finally, after all the usual spy shenanigans, being followed or chased, chasing or following, getting knocked out, being threatened with a horrible death (in this case by piranhas), escaping, attending a posh function etc. Mannix teams up with "Lady Penelope and Parker" to save the day (with an assist from the Brazilian army).
We eventually find out that, rather than "kissing the girls and making them die", Raf has been preserving his "harem" in suspended animation, so those who expressed concern about the title can rest easy. (It seems he may have been intending to repopulate the planet with his and their progeny)
And the real name of one of the actresses in "Raf's Angels" is Nicoletta "Machiavelli". Wow, surely she should have been cast as a villain herself, perhaps advising Raf on what his next move should be?
On the whole then, whether by accident or design, I found this production by the "infamous" Dino de Laurentiis to be a worthy addition to the Eurospy genre and recommend it to those who like a bit of Roger Moore-esque flavour to their Spy movies
NB - Several reviewers have remarked that the title of the film, "Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die" is very distasteful to them, but I don't really see why that should be.
Distastefully cheesy or corny maybe, but other than that, it's just a simple pun on a line from the old nursery rhyme "Georgie Porgy" so what's wrong with that?
If the title of the movie was "Kiss The Boys And Make Them Die" instead, would that still be offensive? Or "Kiss The Politicians And Make Them Die"? Not to me anyway.
A Twist of Sand (1968)
What if Bulldog Drummond was DD?
Ok, firstly I'd like to take a moment to correct a few things from another review headlined "All For Nothing". Firstly, Richard Johnson's character does not "botch the mission". After the U-boat has been hit by the torpedoes, the flare is fired deliberately, in order to set fire to the leaking fuel and burn the crew (His orders were "no survivors"). There are no "native folk" on the shore, the Skeleton Coast is uninhabited, due to the reefs off shore and the desert on shore. The people he murders with machine-gun fire (not a pistol) are also crew from the U-boat, who have gone ashore (again, "no survivors")
And secondly, later, Jeremy Kemp does not "run into" Peter Vaughn's flick knife after "attempting to calm him down", Kemp is distracted by seeing the diamonds being washed away into the sea and Vaughn takes the opportunity attack and stab him, having previously been shot in the shoulder by Kemp, who was trying to kill him.
Now back to the actual film itself
The story has two main aspects, firstly the gradual revelation of Richard Johnson's dark secret and how it has affected him and secondly a routine treasure-hunt scenario, which plays out in predictable fashion.
If you enjoy the character study side of the story then you'll probably forgive the lack of originality in the adventure story side of proceedings.
On the other hand even if you don't find either aspect to be all that well executed, you may watch the film just because you like the cast involved, as I did. Richard Johnson, Honor Blackman, Jeremy Kemp, Roy Dotrice and Peter Vaughn are all actors I enjoy watching and don't see enough of, so I'm prepared to forgive the movies shortcomings.
Richard Johnson plays a former WW2 submarine Captain, whose daring but maverick exploits result in him being given an important, but very distasteful, secret mission by the Admiralty. As a result of carrying out his orders, he has destroyed himself as a man and this leads him into an empty criminal life, wallowing in guilt and self-loathing (and so he should). I developed a liking for Richard Johnson after seeing him play Bulldog Drummond in "Deadlier Than The Male" and rate him as the best of the B movie James Bonds of the 1960s. However his career as a leading man was disappointingly brief (only 4 movies in the action adventure genre) so I have to take what I can get. (Pity he couldn't have found more work across the channel in Eurospy films).
Roy Dotrice plays his loyal sidekick, a fellow submariner who is good with engines and rarely wears a shirt.
Jeremy Kemp plays a chancer with a dodgy accent, who was also a former member of Johnson's crew. Scheming and not to be trusted, but also the catalyst that brings the other characters together. Kemp's accent sounds more like German than anything else (which would be ridiculous for a man who served on a Royal Navy submarine in WW2) but I'll be charitable and assume it's meant to be Africaaner.
Peter Vaughn plays his sinister and psychotic sidekick, with a traumatic past that is also gradually revealed.
And Honor Blackman plays a woman who was married to a man who stole diamonds in order to impress her and give her the high life she desired. He was eventually caught and died in prison, but she knows where he hid the diamonds - in the wreck of a Galleon half buried in the sands of the Skeleton Coast. She also feels somewhat responsible for his death, for not trying to dissuade him, and that feeling of guilt serves as an emotional connection to Johnson, although it doesn't appear to amount to anything in the end.
Somewhere along the way the widow Blackman met Kemp, and Kemp had surmised Johnson's dark secret from meeting Vaughn, and also learned that the secret mission had involved navigating the treacherous waters of the Skeleton Coast, so that completes the circle.
To sum up, I think the first half of the film is pretty convincing, but the second half is less so, let down by the execution, which might be partly due to budgetary constraints, and partly due to lazy direction.
Things like, after navigating through the treacherous reef with waves constantly breaking on jagged rocks and the sea frothing with foam, the next minute they are parked up next to the sunken U-boat conning tower in a sea that is dead calm and devoid of rocks or waves all the way to the far horizon.
And a number of other minor continuity issues, like the inflatable boat is not seen when they first go ashore, leaving the audience to wonder what they are using, after previously seeing the ships tender lost among the rocks of the reef, and some of what happens in the desert and inside the galleon doesn't seem quite right, in terms of where people are in relation to each other at different times.
The ending may also be somewhat unsatisfying, if you were hoping that the characters would salvage some intangible moral lesson or emotional benefit from their experience. Richard and Honor are not allowed to have any epiphany of mutual salvation and fall into each other's arms, but that's a matter of artistic preference and that aspect of the film is perfectly acceptable as it is.
Very much worth a look if you like the cast then, and if not it's still an adequate way to pass the time.
Atout coeur à Tokyo pour OSS 117 (1966)
OSS 117 Torpor In Tokyo
Polished but lacking some vital spark of energy, or perhaps it was just that I found it tiring having to read subtitles, as there doesn't appear to be a dubbed version available, unlike most of the Italian and German ones. I much prefer dubbing because it means I'm free to use my eyes for fully appreciating the visual aspects of the film. I'm just not much of a multi-tasker I guess.
However after a second viewing, I think I've put my finger on the problem, it's with the sound track. The on screen action is fine, but the music rarely provides any assistance to help generate suspense or tension. Even if most Eurospy themes are melodramatic and overwrought, they at least bring some energy and help set the appropriate mood, while the music in this one is either non-existent or more like travelogue music, lacking the punch and drama required (the scene where the Combi van is crashed being a classic example, with a cheerful tune played during what should be a moment of great peril.)
Japan provides suitable exotic locations (a year before "You Only Live Twice") and a somewhat stylish super-tanker makes for a decent villain's lair in the finale (although it only has a medium size door in the side, big enough for a launch size boat, rather than a ship swallowing front maw like the one in "The Spy Who Love Me"). There are several excellent fight scenes, the screenplay is good with a decent plot and adequate dialogue.
Frederick makes friends with a couple of attractive women. Marina Vlady brings the beautiful ice queen who eventually melts, and Jitsuko Yoshimura brings the cute and perky, yet sensual local flavour (as when she playfully bites Fred's finger while bidding him farewell).
Eventually, after all the usual spy shenanigans, being followed or chased, chasing or following, getting knocked out, escaping from traps and ambushes, Fred identifies the bad guys, locates the lair and saves the day in suitable fashion.
Overall a solid, if unexceptional, effort
Best quip
Marina - "Have you ever been called a cad?"
Fred - "No. I kill people before they have time to say it."
Missione speciale Lady Chaplin (1966)
Thunderball II
Superior Eurospy movie with a plot that is "Thunderball"-esque. Screenplay, direction, locations, actors - all are of a higher standard than most entries in this genre. The film is paced more like a real James Bond movie, with no rushing between action scenes in order to disguise shortcomings in the script.
The casting is also very good, particularly the villains. Daniela Bianchi, as the titular character, the deadly Lady Chaplin, who gets most of the gadgets and achieves her many nefarious ends by using her brains and cunning.
Jacques Bergerac, as Kobre Zoltan, has just the right smooth look and slippery charisma to play the criminal mastermind with a penchant for scorpions.
Philippe Hersent does a good job as the main henchman, who has a metal claw instead of a hand (predating Tee-Hee in the movie version of Live & Let Die).
Helga Line, Mabel Karr and Ida Galli are also given the screen time to make their mark on the movie.
As for Ken Clark, he's ruggedly handsome but rather wooden, even by B movie standards, convincing in the action scenes, not so much when delivering his "suave" lines.
One thing I found a bit odd, Ken doesn't get to drive a decent sports car until almost the final scene, and even then, only briefly and almost incidentally. For most of the film he's seen in boxy family sedans, although one of them is fitted with a nifty escape route, where, after reclining the seat, the driver is propelled backwards on rails and out via the boot / trunk (after the back seat and boot lid automatically fold out of the way)
Two villains die by accidental electrocution, is that one too many?
There is the usual melodramatic, overwrought theme song, this time reminiscent of Tom Jones, of course (as Thunderball came out the previous year, in 1965).
Highly recommended.
Kommissar X - Jagd auf Unbekannt (1966)
The Hunt For Unknown People
Eurospy fun with a "Dr No" meets "Goldfinger" plot, plus an army of beautiful women (who behave like Fembots, but are actually only drugged to make them obey orders), and another army of expendable red shirted henchmen (pre Star Trek).
Apart from the "Fembots" aspect, it's played pretty straight, with plenty of well choreographed and well executed action.
Tony Kendall looks like a mashup of Gene Kelly, John Saxon, Dirk Benedict and Scott Bakula, with a little Jon Hamm on the side. With cheerfully mobile features, he tugs on his ear-lob a lot and employs plenty of nods and winks and other broad facial expressions to communicate his confidence and charm, and he needs to, in lieu of the script providing him with anything notable in the way of suave dialogue or decent humorous one liners.
Brad Harris, as his police sidekick, has a gruff demeanour and rough-hewn looks, a much more impressive physique and is a more convincing fighter, also features strongly in the action.
The production appears to have had a bigger budget than most Eurospy efforts, with the requisite ingredients needed to create the appropriate "Bondesque" ambiance, Riviera scenery, beautiful women, luxury yachts, sports cars, opulent interiors and convincing underground lair on a private island, all present and correct.
However, despite what the theme song claims, and although he flirts industriously at every opportunity, Tony doesn't actually appear to achieve much in the way of romantic results. In fact in the final scene he comes up short with three women and ends up being thrown into the pool, while Brad Harris flexes his muscles and a bevy of beauties gather around to laugh at him. Hardly the payoff we have come to expect from an International Man of Mystery!
The theme song itself is pseudo Shirley Bassey, and sounds great unless you actually listen to the lyrics, which are cringingly bad, but I guess that's all part of the fun.
Recommended.
Agent 505 - Todesfalle Beirut (1966)
Agent 55, The Trap Door Falls In Beirut
Among the better Eurospy B-grade James Bond knockoffs, and the best movie of Frederick Stafford's career as a secret agent, in my opinion (although the "OSS 117" films are more well-known and "Topaz", the film he did with A-list director Alfred Hitchcock remains the most prestigious artistic high point)
Briskly paced and played straight, yet with a liberal sprinkling of humorous one liners, well-choreographed action (although the execution is sometimes not quite as sharp), some decent gadgets, loads of pretty girls, including several who are not just there for decoration, modernist Beirut as an exotic location, and a sound track from the great Ennio Morricone.
This version of "Stafford-Bond" flirts with all the girls, but they don't always go for it, and when they don't he shrugs it off with good grace and moves on.
Another reviewer suggested there were no "good" gadgets". But there is the booby-trapped phone gun, the ice bullets, the gun in the light projector, the amphibious car, a large, stylish, silver rocket etc. Remember this is the 1960s, when helicopters, and even shots of airliners taking off and landing, were still considered novel and glamourous by most viewers.
One bit of unintentional humour is that, before his true identity is uncovered, one of the main villains is described as a man who has "only four fingers on one hand". As, in English, we don't regard the thumb as a finger, this clue doesn't appear to narrow down the field of suspects much!
Frederick Stafford is one of those actors that stumbled into the movie business by accident, rather like Errol Flynn, spotted incidentally by a producer rather than coming from an acting background. His looks and charm carried him to the brink of stardom, the lead role in "Topaz", but for various reasons (Hitch was off form, Fred's acting wasn't up to it) the film did not succeed and it was largely downhill from there. These days the industry doesn't seem to operate in such a haphazard way and we rarely see actors appear out of nowhere in this way. His potted background biography is colourful and varied, and I'm sure at least half of it is made up fantasy by the man himself...
"By some accounts, Stafford claimed to have played water polo at the 1948 Summer Olympics. He was the son of a Slovak factory owner. He studied chemistry and spent time in Switzerland. He was worried about the Russians taking over Czechoslovakia and in 1948 decided to leave.
He went to Australia in 1949 and changed his name to "Frederick Stafford". "I always liked the name," he later said. While there he worked as a taxi driver, a lumberjack and a businessman, until he qualified as a Doctor of Chemistry. He was fluent in five languages.
In the 1950s he held a series of positions in the pharmaceutical industry and by 1962 he was a regional manager for Bristol Meyers, headquartered in Hong Kong. He travelled for them in the Middle East and Far East. Two years later in Bangkok he met a German actress Marianne Hold and married her seven days later.
In 1964, while on holiday in Bangkok, Stafford met French director André Hunebelle at a hotel and he asked him "How would you like to make movies with me?" Stafford replied, "Why not?"
Or, according to another account Stafford claimed "I married an Austrian girl in Bangkok in 1964 and among the bouquets at the wedding was one from a French film producer. He said he wanted me to star in his films. That's how it all began. I was rushed off to Brazil to make my first film in Rio de Janeiro, and have been busy ever since."
In March 1970 Stafford claimed that Harry Saltzman wanted him to play James Bond in On Her Majesty's Secret Service but he was unable to accept due to his commitment to make Topaz. He said "although at first I thought no one could take over from Sean. But after seeing the latest Bond film... I know I can." He added "I certainly didn't realise this film business would keep my interest like it has. It is a real change from chemistry, and at present I can't see myself going back to that."
Well, he was a true "International Man Of Mystery" after all!
The Equalizer 3 (2023)
Denzel Does Amalfi
There are two main categories of action movie and Denzel has done both during his career.
Firstly, there are those which are the larger "blockbuster" action movies, of the type Arnie, Sly and Bruce Willis specialised in, which rely on spectacle and usually include several gun battles, car chases, explosions and extended personal combat sequences, if the actor is capable of it.
Then there are the more low key ones, which may still include some or all of the elements above, but in smaller quantities, and, instead, tend to rely more on creating suspense to help generate the emotional payoff. Many of Liam Neeson's later movies are examples of this.
As far as Denzel goes, "Ricochet" and "Two Guns" would be examples of the former and "Man on Fire" and "The Equaliser" series examples of the latter. (In fact Denzel's "Equaliser" character reminds me a lot of the one he played in "Man on Fire" but that guy didn't survive the movie, so there could be no sequels. Coincidentally Dakota Fanning also appeared in MoF).
However in this edition they didn't manage to get the balance right, of interspersing the action between character development interludes, or provide satisfactory emotional payoffs.
There is often a point in the life cycle of an action franchise where the creators have either run out of ideas and exhausted the possibilities of the character, or become too bored and lazy to bother doing the basic ground work anymore, so the character ends up becoming a two dimensional "Superman", a parody who no-longer seems to be in any real jeopardy.
Antoine Fuqua and Richard Wenk seem to have arrived at that moment with "The Equaliser 3". There is not enough action, and when there is some, Denzel prevails all too easily, whereas he had to work for it in the earlier movies.
Back then, they showed us Denzel had some "tradecraft", now he just appears out of thin air and takes out multiple enemies, one at a time, with little effort, like shooting the proverbial fish in a barrel. The only scene which nearly gets it right is in the restaurant, and even then Denzel disposes of the villains far too easily (and also far to publicly and messily, if he thought things through, like the professional he is supposed to be, then he would know what the Camorra response will be, and the collateral damage his friends in the villager will suffer as a result.)
Instead we have plenty of gore, but that is not an adequate substitute
The character development is also very two dimensional and cliché. The villagers are unusually helpful and seem to take an instant liking to Denzel, but the script doesn't demonstrate why or how that happened. Then an attractive woman, young enough to be Denzel's daughter, becomes fascinated by him, but why? (Other than that the only other black male in the village is young enough to be Denzel's grandson, the reason for the attraction isn't apparent) For me he would need to do some sort of good deed, and be seen doing it by the community, in order to justify this emotional connection with the towns folk, but nothing like that happens until much later.
Instead we get plenty of charming Italian scenery, but that is not an adequate substitute
To top it all off, most of the dialogue is in Italian... well, thanks all the same, but if I want to spend an evening reading subtitles I'll go to a film festival.
Ôkami yakuza: Koroshi wa ore ga yaru (1972)
Japanese Django?
Sonny Chiba post Yakuza Cop but pre The Streetfighter, so not much in the way of quality martial arts action here. The English language title is a bit misleading, as Sonny plays a man hell-bent on personal revenge, not killing for hire. Although he is the son of a Yakuza and does murder people, "perform" doesn't seem like the quite the right word to describe what he is doing and "lone wolf" would convey a more accurate impression of his characters behaviour.
The movie gets straight down to business, a Yakuza and a prostitute are in bed getting it on when, just as they are approaching climax, Sonny stabs the guy through the back with a dagger long enough to kill the woman at the same time. Nek minute he's chasing another Yakuza around the docks in his American muscle car. He first knocks the guy down and then comes back and runs over his arm. Followed by several more. Vintage Sonny then.
It becomes evident that he is following the classic Yojimbo strategy of trying to set one gang against another in order to reduce the odds, but why?
We learn that at some time in the past some various Yakuza factions conspired together to wipe out Sonny's father's gang, killing the father and taking Sonny's sister away to be raped and turned into a doped up sex slave. Bad mistake...
Sonny's back after 5 years in Okinawa, but the problem is he doesn't know where his sister is being kept, so he has to try and find the right person to provide him with that information. Therefore some people get to live a little longer than others.
The Cops get onto him, but they decide it is preferable to let him run free to thin the ranks of the Yakuza as much as possible, and then claim the credit for themselves afterwards.
All the usual Japanese misogyny is on display. While Sonny is following some low level Yakuza, they grab a girl they have been socialising with at a bar, drag her to their car to be gang raped, and then send her away to become a doped up sex slave. Sonny observes this but takes no action. He follows them to a bar and seems about to pick a fight with them, and hopefully provide some belated retribution, but instead a higher level Yakuza enforcer intervenes and they get to leave unscathed, while Sonny and the enforcer size each other up and decide to follow a path of mutual respect. So that was disappointing.
Later Sonny gets himself a prostitute for the evening and treats her with distain, but, of course, she falls in love with him anyway.
When Sonny does eventually find his sister, he makes no attempt to take her to a safe place and help her recover from her drug stupor or go cold turkey, no cold shower, not even a cup of coffee. Only a short time after driving her away from the "secret club" where she was being held, he loses patience and decides she's a lost cause. He drops her off in the middle of the city, where she wanders around in a daze for a while until being clipped by a passing car. The last we see of her she is in an ambulance, perhaps finally recovering some of her faculties, but it is was not clear to me whether she was going to live or die, or if in some weird way Sonny was hoping she would be picked up and taken to hospital, where they could treat her addiction better than he could. Typical Japanese moral ambiguity and ambivalence? (or just a lack of cultural understanding on my part?)
There are frequent mass battle scenes between the various Yakuza factions, involving crash zooms, fast pans and shaky cam (long before it became fashionable in Hollywood), however the fight choreography is of low quality, so nothing to write home about. The Yakuza eventually realise that Sonny is real the source of all the trouble, but he continues to rack up the body count as a one man army, and the factions continue to try and eliminate each other anyway.
Sonny eventually goes one on one against the enforcer, which is a quite good fight sequence, except that Sonny loses and has one of his hands crushed so that it is virtually useless. I didn't see that coming!
Now he seeks help from the lone surviving Yakuza of one of the factions, but that guy is having none of it and crushes Sonny's other hand. So now Sonny has become Django and comes up with a similar solution to his problem.
In the end the Yakuza are all dead and Sonny surrenders to the Cops
Better than average, but not quite up among the very best on Chiba's resume.
The Beekeeper (2024)
Bee-Grade-not a keeper
I like Jason Statham, loved Lock Stock and Snatch, Crank and the three Transporter movies. All good wholesome action movie fun. However after that, not so much... Nearly all his solo outings since then have in some way been fatally flawed from my perspective, which is frustrating. (I'm excluding films like the Expendables and Fast & Furious from this analysis, as they are ensemble franchises which Statham appears in but does not call the shots) The reason is usually because of poor writing, but also sometimes due to poor editing of the fight sequences. Statham is not a Ryan Reynolds or Gosling, he has shown himself to be a competent martial artist and does not require fast cutting and editing to make him look good.
These days I use Scott Adkins movies as my benchmark and although Adkins movies are made with much smaller budgets I find them superior to the Stath's in almost every respect. Adkins and his team have extensive experience choreographing fight sequences on bigger franchises, such as Bourne, Wolverine, John Wick and Ip Man, as well as the aforementioned Expendables and Fast, so perhaps that is no surprise. In Adkins fight scenes you get to see what is going on in a coherent way, not just isolated flashes and moments, while often in the Stath's you don't, but you should, because I believe he is capable of it.
But Adkins films are also often better in terms of the script plotting and dialogue. Adkins team punch above their weight and often surprise me with the unexpected emotional depth they bring to the B movie action genre. This is because he and his collaborators have grasped the essential concept of how to give the character some heart and gain audience sympathy for him over the course of the movie, even if that is not always immediately apparent. Reveal some better qualities in them, or find redemption for a character who at first appeared unsympathetic. They know how to tell a story and develop the character in a way most of the Stath's films disappointingly fail to do. If Adkins crew can do it then it can't be rocket science, yet Netflix and co can't seem to get the basics right.
Now, let's take for example, the Beekeeper. We begin with images from the history of beekeeping intercut with shots of bees going about their business behind the opening credits. For me it was all apropos of nothing at that stage, and the style seemed to me more suggestive of an introduction for "Alfred Hitchcock's The Bees" or "Dan Brown's The Lost Bee Code" than a straight up action movie.
The Stath quietly bags a hornet's nest and passes the time of day with the elderly lady who owns the farm. He thanks her for letting him dispose of the hornets, who were eating his bees, and for letting him live and keep his bees on her farm. She thanks him for disposing of the troublesome hornets and invites him over for dinner. He thanks her and then reticently confides that she is the only person who has ever cared for him... and that is the full extent of his character development in the movie!
He repeats this nugget of information to the woman's daughter later in the movie, but we learn no more about him over the entire course of the film other than that he is a retired member of a secret off grid department of the US government, known as "beekeepers" who are responsible to no-ones authority and protect US society by destroying those who threaten the "hive" and have proven to beyond the legal systems ability to bring to justice. About why no-one cared for him or how he came to be a beekeeper or why he retired we learn nothing.
Stuff happens to the old lady and she ends up topping herself, so the Stath decides to reactivate himself and deal out some retribution on those responsible. Topically they are cyber criminals, operating scam call centres, like those used in connection with Florida swamp real estate deals or junk bonds. They prey on the finances of the elderly and the vulnerable, so audience sympathy is quickly guaranteed.
The film has begun with a veneer of gritty realism, but the first layer is quickly removed when, after using an old agency contact to locate the bad guys, the Stath just walks in, kicks everyone's asses and burns the call centre down. In America, the land where guns grow on trees, no-one is able to produce a gun and take a shot at him. I can forgive the first two guards at the entrance, who had no reason to anticipate Stath's high level of kick-assery, and so were not standing far enough away to prevent him disarming them and disassembling their weapons, but there is no excuse for the second foursome.
Stath is making no effort to conceal his identity and just goes back to his bees, so the baddies soon track him down to the farm and then decide to kill all his bees with shotgun blasts, thus giving away their presence. Not a lot of intelligence being shown by anyone then, but Stath disposes of them very satisfactory fashion, particularly their leader, the first of several young, smart alec, entitled tech boys we will encounter in over the course of the movie. These are guys we can enjoy seeing get their just desserts, although they are no physical threat to the Stath as an opponent. Which is another weakness in the film, the lack of a convincing physical opponent to confront, but more of that later.
Next, another layer of reality is jarringly stripped away when the Beekeeper department are asked to send one of their own to stop the Stath, so, suddenly, a woman dressed like a reincarnation of Prince, circa Purple Rain, appears in a pickup truck with a mini-gun mounted on the flat bed to try and take him out.... Crazy stuff for the operative of a secret organisation that no-one is supposed to be aware of. Of course, she fails miserably (but very noisily).
Stath continues his pursuit of vengeance up the chain of command and attacks the main office building, containing the master call centre and another sleazy tech guy.
Meanwhile ex-CIA Director Jeremy Irons, who is good value as usual, recruits a team of ex Special Forces mercs to stop the Stath and explains the background mythology of the beekeeper to them (and the audience)
Outside the building is an FBI SWAT team, but Stath doesn't even bother to try and sneak past them, he just walks up and kicks all their asses. They are all armed with assault rifles, but no-one gets off a shot.
Inside are the private army of mercs, but somehow, without us being shown how, Stath manages to sneak into the call centre without anyone spotting him. Then he just reveals himself and kicks everyone's asses
Meanwhile the FBI have regrouped and enter the building but the Stath eludes them, kicking ass all the way (the lift scene is particularly memorable).
All the main villains have now been revealed by now, yet another snotty nosed tech brat, his babysitter, Irons, and perhaps the kid's mom, who has recently been sworn in as President of the United States. They decide to all hold up in the Presidents Boston residence on Cape Cod, surrounded by secret service agents and wait for the Stath to make his move. Out of nowhere and with no explanation or introduction, they are joined by a guy dressed in a yellow raincoat, like a poor man's Wolverine only with his brother's facial hair, and a very broad Afrikaans accent. He is soon joined by a truck full of similar bogans, who look like they have just returned from a boozy weekend in the bush, pig hunting.
Stath does make some effort to use stealth to penetrate the security perimeter this time, making use of a storm drain and manhole cover positioned conveniently in the middle of the driveway. Not sure what his plan is, but after planting a bomb for later use as a diversion, he basically just wanders about the garden party until someone recognises him and then kicks everyone's asses. I presume the South African is supposed to provide a nemesis physical threat or challenge for the Stath, but as he only has half of his right leg and no backstory, he no chance of successfully fulfilling that role.
Jeremy Irons gets off lightly with just a couple of broken fingers and Madame President turns out to be ignorant of her son's true evil, while the tech brat himself is easily despatched.
Stath then jumps out the window and swims off into the sunset, as no-one is guarding the back garden or watching for approaches from the seaward side of the house. Clearly a sequel is intended but personally I'd rather see the Stath make another movie as Frank Martin than bother with this tripe.
Emmy Raver-Lampman is good as the FBI agent daughter, but her role leads nowhere, just following around examining the scene of the Stath's most recent carnage. Surely they could at least have had her doing some research and discovering some additional background info about the Stath's life that could have illuminated his character and motivations for us?
NB - While I was watching, something about the President was making me think "Redgrave", although I knew it wasn't Vanessa or Lynn, and sure enough I see now that it is Jemma, who I can't recall ever seeing before
Minnie Driver also picks up a pay-cheque in a minor role.
Ricochet (1991)
Denzel Does A 1990s Action Movie
A young Denzel Washington tries his hand at a bombastic 1980/90s action movie in the style popularised by Arnie, Sly and Bruce Willis and for the most part the results don't disappoint.
Denzel is charismatic and delivers his one liners with verve, John Lithgow is suitably unhinged as the villain, without straying into camp. In my opinion the most important thing for actors in an action movie is to play it straight, no matter how crazy the plot gets.
The creators go all in, with plenty of outrageous action, including a gladiator style prison fight with swords, between Lithgow and Jesse "The Body" Ventura (poor old Jesse, imagine getting your ass kicked by John Lithgow... twice!)
Several huge explosions
Some nasty violence, including some graphic use of a power drill and a circular saw
Some lurid nudity, including full frontal of a very large "weight challenged" woman in the strip joint scene
Plenty of cheesy one liners...
Bookstore owner; "You're the D. A.!" Denzel; "Wrong! They fired me. As a private citizen I can kick anybody's ass I want to."
Parole Board Official: "The parole board's ready, Blake. I hope you remembered to floss." Lithgow: "I did! With your wife's ***** hair!
However, in the final third, the plot does go a bit off the rails in my opinion, but they manage to pull off a suitably over the top final confrontation between the two main protagonists, so I'll let it pass.
Kevin Pollak provides a good Captain Kirk impression, but seems a bit miscast as the cop buddy, he's too short to be a cop, especially working alongside Denzel and Lithgow.
Ice Tea gives his usual one note grumpy rapper performance, as the childhood friend from the wrong side of the tracks. Both he and Ice Cube lack any sort of range.
Ex Bionic woman, Lindsay Wagner is convincing as the DA and John "Roots" Amos has a small role, a pity we don't see more of him
Victoria Dillard does what she can with the wife role and the kids are memorably cute and adorable.
Overall, this film can get a little crazy at times, but is never dull, a very decent mid table entry from the 1980s/90s Golden Age of the Action movie!
Arctic Blue (1993)
Alaska Blue
One of Rutger Hauer's better movies, where he plays a nuanced "villain" who is not all bad.
It has the feel of having a decent budget, good cast and competent direction, generating some tension and suspense, and also succeeds in creating a strong sense of place, including slow pan shots of impressive Alaskan mountain scenery and a plot that incorporates nice details of wilderness "trade craft" that remind the viewer of the unforgiving environment the characters are living in.
I found the town characters to be interesting and quirky and as developed as they needed to be for this type of movie, but the villains were another story, as I found it hard to accept that hard core Mountain men might sit around discussing whether one of them had self-esteem issue, which accounted for his overly aggressive behaviour, or what his gun might symbolise. The character of Lemalle was a bit over the top to be credible to me, in any situation his attitude was always ultra-aggressive, brandishing his rifle and threating to kill everyone (although, in retrospect, I don't recall that he actually directly killed anyone, just shot up vehicles and other inanimate objects, which I consider a point in favour of the movies realism).
Where it gets tricky, in terms of the morality portrayed, is around the actions of Rutgers character and how the audience may feel about him, which is the core of the movie, as it should be, and will determine the success or otherwise of the film in the mind of the viewer. In the initial encounter with Eric Desmond, Lemalle the crazy-man is restrained by Rutger. Then, in the confrontation with the amateur hunters, Lemalle the crazy-man provokes the violence, but it is knife throwing Rutger who does the killing, albeit in self-defence (or rather to defend Lemalle). All good so far
However, later, Rutger accidentally kills the loveable old sheriff, while attempting to escape, and this is where some (including me) may have a problem. When it comes what happens at the end of the movie. I'll also take the opportunity here to address another reviewers mystification over the body hung up in the tree. As Desmond had decided to keep the death of the old Sheriff a secret for the time being, in order to avoid Rutgers trapper allies from gaining any additional information as to what was going on which might help them to rescue him, he needed to store the body. The reason for hauling the body up into a tree was in order to try and prevent it from being mutilated or eaten by wolves or bears.
The other moment which causes a problem for me is when Rutger throws the pick axe one handed and kills... Lemalle!. And also from finding that the distance he throws the axe stretches my credibility beyond breaking point (as this is not the sort of movie where the audience expects that the laws of physics will been thrown out the window). Now, while I understand how the writers found they had painted themselves into a corner, with Rutgers brother being the only trapper left in potentially realistic working order (anyone in an action movie can quickly shake off a fall), but not being an acceptable candidate to be killed with the pickaxe. So they left him behind with a final quip about it "not being his year", re-activated evil Lemalle from his hot tub and had him somehow find the energy to walk all the way up to the factory, despite having been shot in the chest. I know movies have a long tradition of villain's apparently rising from the grave to provide an additional twist, but in this case I found it a bit confusing. The juxtaposition of the brother with the sudden re-appearance of Lemalle bamboozled me at the time into thinking it was the brother that Rutger had killed with the pickaxe, and wondering how he could do that and show no emotion afterwards. I admit they did included a shot of the empty hot tub simmering, to imply he had got out, but at the time it just confused me further.
So for me the movie unravels a bit at that point, and later when Desmond decides to allow wounded Rutger to go off and (probably) die, on his own terms in the wintery wilderness. I was conflicted by thoughts of the loveable old Sheriff and whether Rutger deserved such consideration. But I guess that ambiguity is part of the purpose of the story.
Legend (2015)
Krayzy About The Boys
I think this is probably about as good a movie as will ever be made about the Krays, the colourful gangster twins of 1960s London.
Tom Hardy plays both brothers, psychopath Ronnie and wide-boy Reggie, and does an impressive job. For me Hardy is a wonderful actor when he is able to immerse himself in a deep impersonation, but lacks the innate personal charisma that makes a true movie "star". This film plays to his strength.
I've read comments in some reviews about other gangsters of the time, who claim that the Krays were not as significant as they are made out to be in the movie, that other gangsters were more "powerful" and that the Krays were about to be eliminated by other gangsters anyway, if the Police hadn't got to them first. I've read quite a bit of gangster literature myself, much of it related to New York and Chicago, and one of the common threads is that whatever a gangster says needs to be taken with a grain of salt, as they all try to magnify their own place in events and disparage the role of their rivals.
Whether or not the Krays were the most "powerful" gangsters in London can be debated, but what cannot be disputed is that they were the most "colourful", and that is why we remember them. It is the fact that they were twins and that one of them was mentally unbalanced and prone to bizarre fantasies and outrageous acts and the other tried to mitigate and clean up after him, while also being engaged in organised crime at a high level, which gives them their fascination.
I once read a book by an experienced US Mafia hitman who had also spent time in the UK, and he explained why UK gangsters never attained the level of power and influence that some US gangsters have. Firstly there was never prohibition in the UK, something which provided a huge boost to US gangsters in terms of financial leverage and status within the political system. Secondly two of the main grass roots revenue streams for gangsters, gambling and prostitution, can be conducted legally in the UK and therefore the vast majority of revenue is not controlled by gangsters. (Which only leaves loansharking.)
There is another very significant revenue stream for US gangsters, which is extortion and protection rackets that to my knowledge does not appear to be a big factor in the UK, but I don't have any knowledge as to why. Perhaps it is just a cultural difference? In the US Socialism has always been a dirty word and US Big Business freely hired gangsters to break Union strikes. In turn the Unions hired gangsters to battle the strike breakers. This put the gangsters in the middle and they soon recognised that they could play one off against the other and profit from both. Over time the Mafia penetrated many of the important American Unions, in construction, waste collection, clothing manufacture, "teamsters" etc and managed to get their own representatives appointed to official positions on control. For some reason this pattern was not followed in the UK, where political ideology has continued to be the main driver of Union activity.
The Gray Man (2022)
50 Shades Of Gray Man
Another would-be action franchise starter from Netflix, likely to be successful.
I think this is pretty decent, better than many a Jason Statham movie. Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans and Rege-Jean Page all do a great job in their roles and those who wanted to see more of Ana de Armas as a secret agent, after her performance in James Bond "No Time To Die", get their wish.
Lots of well-choreographed action and attractive panning & trucking shots of exotic locations, but frustratingly punctuated by occasional sloppy errors and roll your eyes moments.
For example
The original recruitment of the Gray Man is a big problem for me. Eventually we find out that he killed his father in order to save his brother's life, after both had suffered years of physical abuse at the hands of the parent. A deeply personal and emotional reason, which would in no way make him a likely or suitable candidate for recruitment as a cold, clinical, professional assassin for the CIA. Plus a person who has committed a single crime of passion hardly has any "skill set" to speak of, nor is killing someone for self-preservation or to save another indicative of "limited morality". On the other hand, if he had been a true sociopath it would have been difficult to make his character sympathetic and relatable for the audience. Thus the creators end up falling between two stools.
The movie always foreshadows each exotic location by showing its name in block letters on the screen, followed by a slow pan or trucking shot of the scenery, however after telling us we are in "Monaco", tax haven of the rich and famous, all we get is a dingy torture room, never any glamorous outdoor sequence, talk about cheap. Made me laugh, when I should have been contemplating the evil of Chris Evan character.
Then, when our hero is tricked into standing over a trap door and falls into a empty circular stone lined well, for some reason there is a large water pipe at the bottom which he can use to unleash a torrent of water to assist in his escape. Not just the mouth of a pipe to feed the water in, but a whole length of pipe running across the bottom of the pit, so that our hero can loosen nuts and bolts. I know it's just a movie...
Later, on a third floor of an ancient apartment building, there is another trapdoor in the floor, which allows access into a secret under floor area that has enough head room for Ryan to stand up in, when the outside shot of the building indicates there is no room for such a space to exist. I know it's a just a movie but juxtaposing shots of this fallacy makes it harder to ignore. (Plus the secret passage in the wall is traditional for the upper floors of buildings)
Unfortunately the usual modern Hollywood misconception of criminals being able to operate successfully when they show no loyalty or trustworthiness at all is perpetuated. Chris Evans character casually shoots the guy who has trapped Ryan Gosling in the well, rather than paying him off as agreed. Later he also shoots the Indian assassin rather than paying him. This is not how real criminals behave, whether they work for a government agency or not. Even sociopaths understand that casual betrayal is not a viable strategy for sustainable success or survival.
They use the "trusted old mentor blowing themselves (and some bad guys) up to buy time for the hero" plot device twice in the same movie.
The Indian assassin suddenly develops a conscience when Chris Evans says he is going to kill the young girl, after previously killing a number of Czech police officers, who were just doing their job, leaving their wives widows and their children without fathers.
Ryan Gosling does the same thing in the final scene, killing a number of CIA agents who are only doing their job, guarding the girl as they have been requested to, not trying to kill her. Acceptable collateral damage? Cue uplifting vintage 1970s pop music.
The Old Guard (2020)
The X Guard
Another would-be action franchise starter from Netflix, apparently successful this time.
From one perspective this is an entry in the female action movie genre, from its most convincing contender, in my opinion, Charlize Theron, who has already given us Mad Max Fury Road (where she made more of an impression on me than the bland Tom Hardy in the title role), Atomic Blond and a recurring character in the Fast & Furious franchise. In this one she underplays convincingly and the action is well choreographed, apart from several instances of shooting someone and then judo flipping them (as far I can see, once you've shoot someone dead there is not much point)
From another angle it is a variation on the X-Men, where a small group of people with unusual qualities are pursued by those who wish to exploit them for good or ill. In this case, when they are killed they self-repair and come back within minutes. Charlize and her pals have been around for centuries fighting for debatable causes, rather than lying low and enjoying life. Later some of Charlize good deeds are revealed by an ex CIA operative who has been studying her from a far, but on the other hand two of her companions, who are now gay lovers, own up to having fought on opposite sides during the Crusades and apparently killed each other numerous times. How or why did all this come about? They don't know themselves.
The acting is good, and, note to Michael Bay, we are introduced to the characters via some scenes which demonstrate that there is camaraderie and friendship amongst the group. They like each other and show why we could also like them.
The PC casting boxes are ticked, our band of heroes includes a Belgian man with a thick accent, along with the aforementioned gay couple, who have been cleverly selected, because they are both of mixed race and can appeal to multiple racial demographics at once, a black American woman and an Asian woman (although her part is small in this edition, the hopeful teaser at the end suggests she will be far more prominent in the next.) Meanwhile, the villains are the customary nerdy white male billionaire (but he's Big Pharma rather than Big Tech this time around and has previous form as a villain from the Harry Potter franchise), the former CIA operative (black, male) and an amoral East European Doctor (white, female).
All present and politically correct then, although I could have done without the lengthy declaration of gay love from one character when the two of them are being held prisoner in the back of the bad guys truck, and I'm sure, in real life, the bigoted guard would have interrupted this speech with a rifle butt to the head long before it was completed.
There is plenty of decent action and the plot is serviceable, although I'm not sure how much further you can go with a group of un-killable self-repairing characters before it becomes boring. However by the end of the film Charlize has lost her regenerative powers and is now vulnerable. The forshadowed sequel is in the works, so we will find out in due course.
6 Underground (2019)
7 Underdone
Failed attempt to kick start a franchise.
I noted one liners referring to the "Fast and Furious" franchise (we are not a family), and the "Ocean's" franchise (lets rob a casino next time, because it's much easier), also James Bond. And who knows, there may well have been others, relating to "Mission Impossible" or "The Expendables", which I missed in the blizzard of quick cutting, shaky cam and fast panning assaulting my senses.
To sum up the "High Concept", Ryan Reynolds, playing his customary stock "Dead Pool" wiseass character, is a tech billionaire who became a hands on philanthropist. While delivering aid to some suffering masses, Ryan is caught up in an attack on those same hapless civilians, by the evil totalitarian Dictator of the country. Feeling that the powers that be are not going to be able to do anything about it, Ryan decides to take matters into his own hands, by faking his own death and going off the grid, then recruiting a team of specialists to help him carry out a regime change, replacing the Dictator with his conveniently saintly brother. These specialists who also fake their own deaths and go off the grid, becoming metaphorical "Ghosts". I think this is a perfectly sound concept, so the problem is in the execution.
Michael Bay is a very successful director of action movies loved by those who don't care about plot logic or depth of character development. A poster boy for the quick cut, fast pan, shaky cam generation of Hollywood directors that came up in the late 90s early 2000s. Your enjoyment level depends on how much of your brain you are prepared to switch off for the sake of undiluted eye candy.
Here he starts off by hitting the audience with a 15 minute chase action sequence, which while spectacular, somewhat overstays its welcome. But the main problem is that the audience's introduction to "the team" is via the constant angry bickering carried on during the chase. With no previous knowledge or connection to these characters, we are given no reason to like them as they don't even appear to like each other.
The team call each other by numbers, rather than given names, and consist of the Money, the Driver, the Doctor (although she is also an ass-kicker), the Hit-man, the Skywalker (i.e. The wall climbing, rope swinging, cat burglar type) and the ex-CIA agent. The Driver gets killed at the end of the opening chase scene and they recruit a sniper as his replacement... Yes, they replace a specialist "driver" with a "sniper" when they already have a "hit-man" and a CIA agent on the team... go figure. All part of the logic gap the audience are either expected to ignore or be not yet mentally developed enough to notice. By the by, "the Driver" is played by recognisable face Dave Franco, so his surprise death is reminiscent of Emilio Estevez surprise death early in Mission Impossible 1.
Bay now proceeds to try and introduce the characters and back stories to us via a series of flash backs. Now I have nothing against using flashbacks as a useful tool for this purpose, however I would suggest that trying to do it for seven characters in one movie is far too many, and made it hard to build any momentum or cohesion in the first half of the movie, as the present tense of the story was constantly being interrupted by one flashback or another. Secondly flashbacks work best when accompanied by appropriate, emotionally resonant, music and sadly Michael Bay had no equivalent of Ennio Morricone to assist him here. Even then, flashbacks are no substitute for some actual character development dialogue scenes, which also help by providing a counterpoint to the action. The only characters who even slightly progress beyond being one dimensional in this film are Reynolds and Corey Hawkins, with their interactions around loyalty and humanity.
With the flashbacks finally out of the way I found the second half of the movie flows better and is much easier to follow. Reynolds reveals his "High Concept" master plan, mainly for the benefit of the new guy, but also for the audience.
Firstly weaken the regime by killing four prominent generals, who are all partying together in Las Vegas... That's right, all four of the leading military strongmen (of what appears to be a Moslem country, as far as we can tell) are debauching together in the entertainment capital of the Great Satan at the same time. The team despatch them in lurid blood spattering fashion, but without the director generating any tension or suspense or sense of danger or uncertainty. The villains are just cannon fodder, devoid of menace or threat. Here, as throughout the movie, they are merely bags of blood who continually run out into the open firing their automatic weapons and get mown down.
Next the team rescue the good brother who is imprisoned at the top of a high rise penthouse apartment in... Hong Kong. Yes, that's what I said, the Dictator of a Middle Asian 'Stan keeps his brother under house arrest in middle of Hong Kong, rather than in the dungeon of a fortress in the middle of a desert wasteland or on an isolated island. Brain dead script writing.
Cue more spectacular action and carnage above the city. This time however there is a moral dilemma to be faced, when the Skywalker gets into trouble and Reynolds's character considers him expendable, while newby Hawkins does not. This should be a moment of tension and suspense, but, as the Skywalker's character has accumulated no cache of goodwill in the mind of the audience up to this point, few will care if he lives or dies. He's just another obnoxious punk in a team of obnoxious punks. Worse the Hit-man takes to repeatedly beating on the good brother, punching him in the face over and over and over (and over), while Reynolds nags him not to. Is this meant to be amusing banter and buddy building byplay?
Finally it's time for the finale, the revolution in Turgistan ("Turgid" being a word that could describe the whole movie, boom, boom! Sorry, I couldn't resist). The team take over the radio and TV broadcasting facilities of the country and light the spark of revolution, inciting and inspiring the oppressed citizens with a cliché ridden speech from the good brother and a blast Western pop music (believe me, Middle Eastern folk have little liking for Western pop music and have never rocked the Kasbah)
An embarrassing, shallow and insensitive take on global politics and human suffering.
Somehow the team seem to have planted explosives all over the place and the Dictator flees to his luxury yacht to escape. Cue more shoot 'em up action and poorly choreographed fight scenes (I recommend Michael Bay watch a few Scott Adkins movies and get some tips on how to handle that aspect of an action movie competently)
Many bullets later and after some improbable fun with micro magnets (the source of Reynolds great wealth), the poor old Skywalker is getting the living daylights beaten out of him again (when he could have avoided it by just jumping over the side of the ship into the water), however this time Reynolds decides to save him, rather than try to prevent the Dictator from escaping in his tender, a sign of his great personal emotional growth.
But actually, it doesn't matter anyway, because when the Dictator later transfers to his large helicopter, it turns out the team are somehow all there ahead of him crewing the chopper. I guess this is what passes for a surprise twist?
The Dictator is dropped off at the nearest refugee camp to be ripped to pieces by an angry mob. Nasty
The final scenes sees the director trying to claim a level of depth and emotional resonance for his under-developed characters that he has not earned
"I am one, but not done" say Reynolds character just before the credits role...
Wrong again Green Lantern!