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Eom-ma Chin-gu A-deul (2024)
Some of the Most Horrible Women Ever Put to Screen!
"Love Next Door" endeavors to be a light, sweet romantic comedy with some drama thrown in for good measure. What we end up with is a bunch of women who are barely tolerable, and sometimes, not even that. We get some domineering, controlling, meddling women who snap at the smallest of things. They are also selfish and cowardly in how they act toward each other as well as others around them. Frankly, I'm not sure how or why any reasonable person would want to spend five minutes alone with any of them. They are about as appealing as a pit of vipers.
Choi Seung Hyo and Bae Seok Ryu are childhood friends who grew up together because they lived next door. Their mothers have also been friends for a long time as well, although there are plenty of times throughout the series when we wonder how and even why. Their mothers and two other women get together in their "Lavender Club" to hang out. What ends up happening is they spar, argue, and compete over everything. Believe it or not, this is how many women in Korea interact with each other. Everything is a competition and a fight for status. What's especially sad is that they often use their own children to acquire that status. They'll brag to others about what schools they go to, what educational academies they're enrolled in, what grades they get, and even what areas they excel in. These are women who live vicariously through their children. They use them as pawns, which is why many of these so-called "mothers" aren't even fit to be parents at all.
Seok Ryu has returned to Korea from being in the US with a prestigious company. Of course, her domineering, twisted mother, Mi Suk, can only think about how this impacts her, especially after bragging to her friends about Seok Ryu. Things become further complicated when Seok Ryu announces that she's also broken off her engagement. Mi Suk nearly disowns her daughter right there on the spot. Mi Suk uses the pathetic excuse that, "I don't want my daughter to live a hard life like me!" This is a lie. Mi Suk is only concerned about how Seok Ryu's decisions reflect on her. Her anger is out of pure spite and selfishness.
Seok Ryu isn't exactly an angel herself. We find out that she was diagnosed with stomach cancer and refused to tell anyone about it. She claims that she was sparing everyone the pain. Whenever someone pushes others away, it's never to spare others the pain, but to spare themselves of their own. Seok Ryu is a true coward, and when Seung Hyo finds out, he justifiably berates her for her thoughtless and selfish act, even going so far as to call her a hypocrite and a coward which is 100% on the nose!
Seung Hyo is a young man who's making his way in the architectural world, opening up his own firm and doing quite well. However, it's obvious that he's in love with Seok Ryu, even though he puts up defensive walls and refuses to let her know about it. When he finally does, Seok Ryu can only think about her own failings and problems, and she promptly refuses his advances. Seung Hyo laughingly buys a small carton of milk to be used to give Seok Ryu time to think it over. The stupidity of such an act is this: love isn't about thought. If you actually have to think about it, then you're very obviously not in love. What we have are two 34-year-olds acting like 16-year-olds. It might be endearing, but it's actually quite pathetic. Even when they finally do end up together, Seok Ryu is too scared to tell anyone about the relationship, and so she begs Seung Hyo not to tell anyone. If you're too ashamed to tell anyone about the relationship, then you have no business being in one. They scurry around like two kids worried about getting caught with their hands in the cookie jar!
We also have the third member of the childhood trio, Jung Mo Eum, who is my favorite character of the series. She's a paramedic who doesn't apologize to anyone for who and what she is. She unapologetically wears her heart on her sleeve, especially after meeting journalist Kang Dan Ho. It's funny watching Jung Mo Eum berate Seok Ryu for being silly about her feelings for Seung Hyo, but after kissing Kang Dan Ho, she's suddenly a 14-year-old girl hiding and running away from him. That was the only annoying thing about her. Kang Dan Ho has a cute little girl (his niece, in fact) that he's raising all by himself. Korea still has problems accepting single parent families, and after finding out, Jung Mo Eum's pathetic mother refuses to allow Jung Mo Eum to see him. Luckily, Jung Mo Eum lovingly tells her prejudiced mother that she has no say in the matter and that she fully intends to continue seeing Kang Dan Ho. Jung Mo Eum is the only strong female character of the entire cast! I would have preferred the series revolve around her rather than Seok Ryu.
Seok Ryu is very immature, but suddenly, like a light switch, everything is suddenly "okay" with her in the last four episodes or so. The writers must have had something against women to write them all to be such horrid people. It made me miss "Business Proposal" and "Our Beloved Summer" where we got good, strong female characters who knew their own minds, acted their age, and figured out for themselves how to navigate the pitfalls that came up before them.
Seok Ryu's mother, Mi Suk, is about as cold and vindictive of a woman as I've ever seen in over 47 years of watching shows. I'm not sure how anyone was dumb enough to marry this woman. When Seung Hyo's mother, Hye Suk, offers to pay for a trip to Europe, Mi Suk erupts angrily at her because she feels inferior to Hye Suk. The truth is, Mi Suk has very low self-esteem, and she feels inferior to everyone! It's no wonder she feels the need to brag and show off her children. She's a very pathetic character. One of the worst I've ever seen. Her daughter, Seok Ryu is barely any better. Her own self-esteem is so low that she prefers to hide away rather than face her problems. I laughed out of pity each time Seung Hyo wanted to talk things out and Seok Ryu would scurry away like a rabbit saying, "I don't want to talk about this!"
What's truly sad is that the performances in this series are very good. I've seen Jung So Min in several series, and she's always very good. Her only problem in this series is that she's terrible at kissing scenes. Her mouth is always tight-lipped and it's painfully obvious that she doesn't like doing them. If that's the case, she needs to stop doing romantic dramas. It hurts an actor's performance if they're unwilling to be genuine and get into a scene, no matter what it is. Also, it's stated that Seok Ryu lost 70% of her stomach to cancer. I've known people who've had their stomachs stapled in order to lose weight. There is no way Seok Ryu would be able to eat as much food as she does based on that fact. This was something that the writers clearly overlooked.
The series definitely didn't live up to the hype with mostly unlikeable characters, especially the women. While there may be many truths, it would have been nice to see these characters grow and evolve naturally rather than simply having the "light bulb" go off to suddenly fix the situation. It just wasn't believable or realistic. It's also sad to watch grown ups acting like children around their parents rather than having the guts to stand on their own feet. That's not appealing either, especially in today's world where women are finally becoming more empowered than ever before. Overall, this series was disappointing.
Sacchan, Boku wa. (2024)
Trials and Tribulations of the Weak and Insecure
This short series attempts to put into perspective the trials and tribulations of people suffering from low self-esteem and tremendous insecurities. However, the series isn't very effective in convincing the audience that it's most important to love yourself first before you attempt to love another. The characters are people we should ultimately be sympathizing with, but we don't because they don't learn from their mistakes, nor do they evolve, even though the writer attempts to make it seem as though they have.
Katagiri is a college student involved in a long distance relationship with Osanai Sachi, a girl he's been seeing for five years. There is little chemistry between the two, and it's clear that the relationship isn't balanced as Osanai clearly has deeper feelings for Katagiri than he has for her. He is rather distant and aloof around her, and it's theorized that this might have something to do with being abandoned by all of the women in his life. However, the writers never take the step or time to explore this more deeply. Instead, it's glazed over like a train flying by a station.
Osanai adores Katagiri and sends him letters regularly. However, the letters sit in Katagiri's apartment unopened, and he never replies. Instead, he finds some kind of solace in his next door neighbor, Shino. She's a married woman seemingly trapped in a loveless marriage. What's interesting is that she is just as distant and aloof as Katagiri, but for them, the sexual relationship enables each to feel something. So many people in this world take to food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or anything else that either helps them to feel some sense of pleasure or to escape from their problems. The real problem is that all pleasure is short-lived and never lasts, and escaping from one's problems is also only temporary as those problems are still there once the effect of the "drug" wears off. No wonder there is so much misery in the world!
Osanai is an innocent and rather naïve young girl. She's nineteen but often acts like she's thirteen. She simply has no idea how the world works, and she also believes that her love for Katagiri can overcome their distance and their problems, which she never realizes until it's too late. Naturally, she finds out about Katagiri's affair with Shino, but rather than getting upset, she tells him that it's okay with her, as she feels responsible for initially turning him down during a past attempt at intimacy. Katagiri assures her that he feels nothing for Shino, which somehow, is okay with Osanai, at least, at first. Osanai is much like a leech who believes that a painful relationship is better than on relationship at all. She's so incredibly insecure that she can't bear to be without Katagiri, and she makes the popular mistake of making him the center of her universe.
After they finally make love, Katagiri starts to come out of his shell when it comes to Osanai, but Osanai begins to realize that she can no longer overlook his transgression, and she eventually breaks up with him instead.
The series takes a very strange turn toward the end when Shino's husband, who has been wire-tapping his wife's apartment, finally comes forward and confronts Katagiri, and blackmails him into paying damages for the affair. Shino's husband, rather than talking things out with his wife, simply plays the voyeur as he sits and watches Shino and Katagiri. This made no sense at all. I don't know many husbands who would do this unless they took pleasure from the voyeuristic act, which is never even brought up by Shino after she finds out.
What we ultimately have are four very cowardly and immature characters with virtually no appeal at all. Katagiri cuts himself off, using his past as an excuse for his lack of feelings for Osanai. Osanai makes Katagiri her whole world. Shino battles boredom and loneliness by seducing Katagiri (even though he's just as responsible), and Shino's husband sits back and watches while his wife carries on with an affair because he's too obsessive and possessive for his own good. By the time the series ends, we end up rooting for absolutely no one. The only character who shows even an ounce of integrity is Osanai when she realizes her mistake and moves on from Katagiri but not before she condescends to make love with Katagiri, not because she loves him, but because she fears losing him, which is never a good reason for sex.
This isn't a very enjoyable series to watch, and frankly, I'm not sure that it's supposed to be. But, what we are hoping is that Katagiri, the main protagonist, might actually grow up and face his insecurities. Sure, he pays off Shino's husband, but that has nothing to do with facing your insecurities and learning to love yourself. That's simply making up for getting caught. The only thing that I was relieved about was that they didn't try to put Katagiri and Osanai back together again. That would have been ridiculous, and so that aspect of the ending was at least believable.
This series played out like a bad soap opera, and I'm thankful that it was only twelve episodes at only 20 minutes for each one. It was barely tolerable at that.
Life Goes On: Life Goes on (and On and On) (1993)
Life is a Process of Letting Go
Many people believe that the opposite of Life is death. This is not so. Birth is the opposite of death because Life has no opposite. It is eternal. It literally does go on and on. And just when it appears to end it starts all over again. Remember that energy can never be created or destroyed. It merely changes form, which is why no one is ever truly lost to us.
Perhaps the most challenging thing for people to understand is that Life is a process of letting go. Not of holding onto anything. Every master who has walked this earth has taught us this irrefutable truth: to let go of everything is to realize that you have everything.
Every life has a story to tell, and Becca is telling her story to her son. We don't know where the story began as she tells it, or how far back she goes. It doesn't matter.
Becca shows up at home 4 years later after finishing college. She has an announcement to make. She met someone and went with him on Spring Break. Of course, her parents are dying to know more. We are suddenly taken back to Becca's senior year as she's on the verge of graduation. However, when she visits Jesse at his apartment, in a calm, rational manner, he breaks up with her. He knows that their lives are moving in different directions, and the life he needs to begin living he can only do on his own. Of course, Becca is blindsided, even though this was something they discussed on the beach in the last episode.
Corky is hoping to hear news that he is going to be graduating along with his sister. He's disappointed to find out that he's short on the math credit. However, his family more than makes it up to him by giving him a very special diploma that acknowledges Corky as the spiritual rock of the family.
Paige and Artie debate about what to do with a house they finish renovating but find out that they won't be getting paid because the man who hired them has gone bankrupt. This leads Artie to make two proposals.
Becca struggles to continue on. She disappoints Ray when he manipulates her into helping him with his studies, which he clearly doesn't need. He's hoping that she will finally capitulate to him, but she refuses, causing him to have an immature reaction, which pretty much sums up Ray Nelson.
There are brief exchanges and glances between Jesse and Becca. Jesse writes that he still loves her in her yearbook, and when they finally meet for the final time, he tells her that he's going to Europe to be at the epicenter of new AIDS treatments. Becca tells him that she'll go with him, but he politely refuses. Jesse credits Becca for his newfound strength and resolve, and he knows that it's time for them both to let go.
Back to four years in the future, we learn that Jesse is the man that Becca met, and they are engaged to be married. Drew and Libby aren't too sure how to react, but it appears that they support them in the end despite their reservations.
In a sweet and tender exchange as they lie on a sofa together, Becca tells Jesse that she wants to have his baby. Jesse, of course, reminds her that that is impossible and that he'd never forgive himself if anything happened to her. She reminds him that she can't possibly go on without him. "Every time you remember me, I'll be right there with you. You'll never be alone." I'm not sure people realize how profound and truthful that statement from Jesse is, and what a source of comfort that is for Becca. I've lost a number of people over the years, and I do know that when I think of them, they are there.
The closing scene has Becca finishing her story to her son, and we learn that she's named her son, Jesse.
If "Life Goes On" has taught us anything, it is that love is eternal and that love is also unconditional. No matter the circumstances or what has happened, love never dies. Even as Becca tells her story to her son, and even though she's married to someone else, her love for Jesse is still alive, and because of that, we have no doubt that Jesse is there with her. All of the scenes throughout the show where Jesse and Becca are separated by barriers; barriers of HIV and fear are nothing more than a façade. Those "barriers" are man-made; made from the illusions created from the fear of our own minds. In truth, there are no barriers. They don't exist, and that it also why Life, indeed, goes on and on.
Life Goes On: Last Wish (1993)
Living Well
Aside from the present day, this episode goes backward in time to the point when Jesse calls Becca and asks her to come and take him out of the hospital. The episode opens with Jesse and Becca at the ocean to fulfill one of Jesse's wishes. He's doing much better, almost back to full health, but it's obvious that there is a lot of tension between him and Becca, and it's during the time regression that we find out why.
While Jesse has been struggling to recover, Becca's relationship with Ray Nelson progresses. It even goes so far as Ray buying them two tickets to the coast to see the ocean. Now, this may seem noble and coming from the goodness of his heart, but it's obvious that Ray is trying to win over Becca. He's always been a very selfish and manipulative character. He may care about Jesse, but ask yourself this question: would he have done any of these things if Becca wasn't involved? There are many people who do nice things for others, but quite often, there are always ulterior motives involved.
Unfortunately, Jesse doesn't take it well, and he crosses the line when he grabs Becca roughly, demanding to know what took place between her and Ray and also presuming what she might have been hoping for. Becca slaps him, and deservedly so. No matter Jesse's condition, he has no right to do that.
Finally, Becca and Jesse have a true heart-to-heart. Becca confesses that the last 2 years weren't exactly easy. There were times she wanted to give up and walk away. After all, she is human and nobody can blame for at least having the thoughts. So many of her friends and family tried to talk her into it too. Jesse also tells her that he'd warned her about what it would mean to be in a relationship with him and the limitations that came with it. Becca wisely points out, "People with everything going for them have fallen apart. We had everything against us, and here we are." Remember that a diamond isn't created without incredible force. And people don't find out who they really are without incredible challenges and struggles. Becca and Jesse are teenagers, and yet they've overcome situations that would have given most people pause. THAT is the inspiration behind their relationship; that even with their backs against the wall, and virtually nobody believing in them, they prevailed. They triumphed.
Much of this episode also talks about the quality of life versus the quantity. Libby and Paige believe that Jesse's acting foolishly for leaving the hospital. Mrs. McKenna believes that quality is the ultimate goal, and she's right. Ask yourself: would you rather live 50 years and accomplish great things and live well, or would you rather live to be a 100 and realize that your life was pretty much wasted because you decided to play it safe?
The episode closes with a sweet exchange between Jesse and Becca. "You were always my best friend," he tells her. "And you were mine," she replies. I'm not sure many people realize that friendship is the foundation of any relationship. It is that important.
Life Goes On: Bedfellows (1993)
The Harsh Reality of AIDS
Patients are wheeled into the HIV ward at General County Hospital like the next walking dead. Beds only open up when someone has died, and the doctor repeats the treatment and protocols verbatim because he's obviously done this too many times to count. His speech is almost monotonal, because, perhaps like many of his patients, he's had enough.
Jesse's companion in the next bed is Chester, a rather obnoxious but humorous man who simply isn't going down without a fight. He enjoys giving the doctors and nurses a hard time, reminding them that he's a person and not just the "next" patient briefly occupying a bed. It's obvious pretty much from the start that Chester will go out on his terms and not the medical staff's.
Jesse is not doing well, battling the pneumocystis pneumonia as well as the shingles, which has him writhing in absolute agony when his meds are maxed out, and he has to wait another 15 minutes for another dose. Chester angrily berates the nurse who refuses to help Jesse, "He's going to be dead in six months and you're worried he's going to become an addict?!" Chester holds onto Jesse and sings softly in his ear to try and help. I'm sure those 15 minutes must have felt like 15 hours. Of course, instead of staying with Jesse and trying to help, the nurse leaves, and Chester ends up doing her job. There's nothing much worse than a doctor or nurse who are simply dismissive and apathetic to the pain and suffering of their patients.
Becca comes to visit Jesse, especially after she's been accepted into Brown University. When Becca says she's going to decline the offer because she wants to stay with Jesse, he angrily kicks her out of the hospital room. Both make valid points. Jesse doesn't want Becca to give up opportunities, especially golden ones, for him. On the downside, he pushes her away because at this point, Jesse figures Becca has hitched her wagon to a fallen star. Given his medical condition, Jesse's fairly certain that he'll be dead soon. But, pushing someone away isn't done to spare the other person. It's to spare yourself. It also has to do with the fear of being vulnerable. On the other hand, love knows no sacrifice, and it's Becca's choice to want to be there for Jesse. I've seen this episode countless times, and for a while, I pretty much sided with Jesse due to my own fears and lack of self-esteem. But since then, I find myself actually taking Becca's side. Jesse can be a coward and push Becca away, but Becca is willing to be there for him through thick and thin, and that is something that only comes out of pure love.
After Chester dies, Jesse finally calls Becca and begs her to come and get him. He can't stay in the hospital for one more minute. One can hardly blame him, given the medical staff and the horrid conditions. I would much rather die at home and so would Jesse.
Back when this episode aired, AIDS patients were never depicted in a good way. They were pretty much given up for dead, and while that may have been true for many of them, it's still paramount that they be treated and cared for as human beings. Too many people saw them as less than human, assuming they contracted it due to homosexual lifestyles or any other way that people viewed as wrong or deviant. I still remember many people lacking sympathy because they felt that AIDS patients deserved what they got. It can often be a good measuring stick for a person based on how they treat others.
Life Goes On: Five to Midnight (1993)
Life and Death
What happens beyond the veil of death is something that scholars, scientists, mystics, and theologians have been speculating about since the beginning of time. One of the aspects of this show that I've always been captivated about is the writer's willingness to step outside of the box; to take chances and delve into the mystical or perhaps even the metaphysical. In either case, for me, this is the single most profound episode of the entire series.
Jesse is struggling to get well when a nurse and a crew of paramedics enter his hospital room to transport him to County General Hospital because his insurance has capped out. Only in America, a country with arguably one of the worst healthcare systems in the world, would bleed its own people dry for the sake of greed and corruption and money. I've been in a number of other countries, including China, whose healthcare systems are far more advanced than what you find here. Now, this episode was over 30 years ago, and things have gotten far worse ever since.
The long ambulance ride doesn't help Jesse, and he's mistakenly wheeled into the ER and left down a hallway because there are far too many patients and too few doctors. Becca calls her father for help, and while she's trying to get the doctor's attention, Jesse wanders off, clearly disoriented, before collapsing unconsciously in a small room. He's finally found, and he goes into cardiac arrest. The doctor calls the time before beginning CPR: 11:55pm, which is likely the very last thing that Jesse hears.
Jesse wakes up back at Glenbrook Hospital. Becca is by his side, and he begins the road to recovery. Jesse, however, doesn't feel quite the same, but he can't make heads or tails of it. A doctor who gives him a check-up tells him that near-death experiences have an effect on people, and that that's all it is. He encourages Jesse to get on with his life and live.
Becca finds a strange and dark self-portrait of Jesse among his stacks of paintings. However, Jesse doesn't remember ever seeing it. The portrait even haunts and awakens him in the middle of the night at 11:55pm
Jesse decides to leave Glenbrook to go abroad and finally visit all of the places he's wanted to see, and he asks Becca to go with him. They have a nice celebration at the Thacher house, and Drew even gives Jesse a memento: his father's compass. However, on the way to the airport, in a cab driven by a faceless driver, the cab's meter stops at 11:55, and somehow Jesse knows that nothing he's been experiencing has been real. He opens the door to find himself back at the hospital. He walks inside to watch the doctors and nurses struggling to save his life, and he re-enters his body at 11:56pm.
I'll admit that when I watched the episode when it first aired, I didn't pick up on what was happening until about halfway through, and I remember feeling Jesse's heartache upon realizing that the beautiful moments and going away with Becca were all machinations within his own mind and reflections of his own desires and dreams. In short, it was all a little bit too perfect. When Jesse finally does regain consciousness, he's still battling pneumonia and AIDS, and he's able to briefly tell Becca about his dream and how, for just one moment, everything was perfect. The irony with this statement is that it also reflects what I felt-that for a short span-everything seemed perfect.
Chad Lowe won a well-deserved Emmy for his portrayal of Jesse McKenna, a truly groundbreaking role. He left it all out there on the screen, and both he and Kellie Martin talked about how emotionally draining the last season of the show was for both of them. Together they succeeded in giving us harrowing performances of two people in love who could never truly be together. For some reason, that was incredibly poignant for me, especially given the fact that the two people involved were teenagers. A modern day "Romeo and Juliet" who aren't kept apart by family but by a deadly disease.
Life Goes On: Visions (1993)
Life, Love, and Visions
Ever since Jesse joined the cast, we waited with bated breath for the inevitable, hoping and praying that, perhaps, it wouldn't happen. We share this Becca, as it's obvious that she, too, is also living a life on pins and needles, hoping that Jesse doesn't finally contract the AIDS virus.
It's Jesse's 18th birthday, and he's invited over to the Thachers' for a small, intimate birthday celebration. However, Ray and Goodman crash the party and drag Jesse off to a rave. If Goodman and Ray weren't two of the most immature and selfish characters, we might find it cute and even appealing. However, Goodman can't get through a night without finding her latest night stand, and Ray is so caught up with Becca that virtually every decision he makes has an ulterior motive. Unfortunately, Becca joins in and drags a reluctant Jesse off to the rave. Never mind that it's actually HIS birthday, and Jesse finally leaves.
While at home working on the AIDS seminar speech that he's to give at the school, he ends up in agony with the shingles, an extremely painful disease caused by the same virus that causes the chicken pox, which Nicky has. While Jesse is home suffering alone, Becca ends up on a date with Ray who tricked her into going. Sound familiar? This is the same guy who tricked Corky out of $100. I guess that doesn't matter to Becca whose taste in friends is very questionable.
Jesse ends up collapsing at school, and he's rushed to the hospital where the doctor tells the Thachers that Jesse has the shingles as well as early symptoms of pneumonia. He also confirms that Jesse has AIDS.
One has to wonder if Jesse had a premonition that this was going to happen from the dream he has at the beginning of the episode, which would also explain his rather melancholic mood. Becca discovers a haunting painting in Jesse's apartment of Jesse wandering around a cemetery with Becca watching him from behind iron bars, unable to reach him.
Becca ends up giving the AIDS seminar at the school, and as she reads the speech that Jesse had prepared, she finally knows how much she's always meant to him and how much he loves her. She also learns how challenging it is for Becca to be with someone whose physical expressions of affection are extremely limited. It's never been easy for him either.
The most powerful piece of music is saved for the end, and a piece of music I've been struggling to find for over 30 years when I first watched this episode. Jesse is lying in the hospital bed dreaming of himself and Becca enjoying a picnic in front of a gazebo with an orange hue glowing over them. It's the hue of Life as the two are finally able to kiss and share the affection that they've always dreamed about. The music is a mixture of happiness, sadness, and hope all rolled into one. Perhaps that is what makes it so profound.
This is my second favorite episode of the series right behind the very next one, "Five to Midnight." The Jesse/Becca relationship has always reminded me a little of the movie "Ladyhawke" of two lovers who are always together but eternally apart.
Life Goes On: Lost Weekend (1993)
Separation By Fear and the Fear of Separation
Jesse and Becca finish another date night which is mired in monotony. He stands on one side of his door with his hand against the small window while Becca puts her hand opposite his. Some of the most riveting, sweeping, and painful music ever put to television with it melancholy piano piece accompanied by the somber cello captures the relationship perfectly.
Back when AIDS was still being heavily researched, especially the dangers and risks involved, the less physical contact the better. Jesse and Becca's displays of affection are limited to hand-holding, hugs, and very brief kisses.
Goodman foolishly tells Jesse that if she couldn't make love with the man she's with then she'd never get involved with him. Goodman is a superficial and very immature person who confesses that she's always in the pursuit of pleasure. Pleasure can very much be like a drug, especially when love is absent, which is also why it's also fleeting.
Becca finally asks Jesse to sleep over at his apartment. He's, of course, reluctant at first. She's on the couch while he's in his bed only ten feet away. It's understandable that Jesse is very fearful of going too far. But Becca wisely tells him that there are many ways to be together. Sex isn't the end all-be all that so many people make it out to be, especially the young. There are many ways to be intimate and to share love in a physical way that doesn't necessarily involve sex. And given Jesse's health, I find it very difficult to believe that either of them would so carelessly throw caution to the wind.
Unfortunately, Jesse can't see what's obvious and right in front of him. He's so closed-off that he's even unwilling to explore other possibilities. Yes, he capitulates for one night, but he's unable to trust enough in himself and in Becca to go any further.
Drew all but begs Jesse to not allow Becca to stay over anymore. Like Jesse, he sees only one possible outcome. It's a shame that neither of them know about Tantric sex which takes the act and deepens it beyond the physical.
By the end of the episode, Jesse gives into the fears of Becca's parents as well as his own, and he and Becca are right back to where they were before and standing on either side of his door, separated by the door--or the wall--of fear. Fear creates separation. Love removes it. And if true love were really present, you'd never consider harming yourself or your partner. You'd learn to love and enjoy as much as the other is able to give.
Meanwhile, Paige--and her really bad haircut--gets jealous when another woman begins paying attention to Artie. Paige really has a lot of growing up to do.
This episode is a precursor to "Visions" which forces Becca and Jesse to ultimately decide if being together, given their very limited modes of expression, is the right thing.
Life Goes On: Incident on Main (1993)
Fighting Fear
This is easily one of the most disturbing episodes of the entire series. Becca and Jesse leave the Hospice when they are suddenly surrounded by approaching skinheads. Bravely, Jesse stands his ground long enough for Becca to run. However, Jesse is savagely beaten.
Skinheads and anyone like them are some of the biggest cowards on the planet. All they know is fear, and they run around like a pack of hyenas because they haven't the guts to act alone. Such is the nature of all true bullies.
What Jesse doesn't realize is that Becca's jacket was soaked in his blood, and so were her hands as she cradled him in her arms until the paramedics arrived. We can completely understand and relate to Jesse's reaction of horror as he says, "What have I done?!"
While Drew and Libby are worried about Becca, they also can't hold it against her. It's a natural, loving and human thing to put yourself out there for someone else. They watch as an exhausted Jesse and Becca fall asleep together on the couch. "Do you get the feeling that we know nothing and that they're the ones teaching us?" Drew asks. Jesse was brave in standing his ground long enough for Becca to flee. And Becca was brave in not allowing fear to stop her from doing a loving act. In this, they both prove that love will always conquer fear. This is partly what Drew meant.
Drew confronts one of the possible attackers in his restaurant, and the next day, the restaurant is vandalized. Becca finds herself angry at Ed, a gay man who works at the Hospice. She can't help being angry for what he is, even admitting that she hates herself for having those feelings. Ed understands because he's had similar feelings as well. In this, Becca finally gets to know the first gay man in her life and learns that HIV doesn't discriminate and that it's very hard to hate someone after you get to know them.
When it becomes evident that at least one skinhead is in the high school, Jesse is reluctant to finger the attackers in a lineup for fear of retribution. But, like Paige when she was sexually assaulted, he knows that silence is the worst thing he can do. After all, there were three other incidents and he was the "next victim." In the end, he does the right thing, despite receiving no answers.
Fear provides no answers because it is literally everything you are not. It may seem logical and rational, but it is anything but because our very nature--the soul--is without fear.
"A hero is no braver than the ordinary person, but the hero is brave five minutes longer."--Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Jesse and Becca are each other's hero and the demonstration that love is the absense of fear and the willingness to put yourself at risk for the other person.
Life Goes On: Choices (1993)
Life Is Choice
Paige and Michael endeavor to start a new life together, or at least, try to put the pieces of their marriage back together again.
Michael gets a job teaching at an art institute, and they move into a small one-room apartment. It's very clear that neither one of them are "marraige material." Both are too different, and they think that sex is the only thing necessary to keep a marriage together.
It isn't long before Paige discovers that she's pregnant. But much to her consternation, Michael doesn't want to have kids. At least, not yet. He's not wrong about the timing being bad, but then again, many children are conceived unexpectedly. Paige is also right that if you want something badly enough, you find a way to make it work.
What is truly sad is that Paige and Michael are both so immature that it's obvious that they never had a discussion about children, which should be topic number one for any couple considering marriage. That alone tells you what kind of people you're dealing with.
The true hero of this episode is Artie who knows how to be there for his friend, even when every fiber of his being tells him that what he's doing is wrong when he reluctantly agrees to take Paige to a clinic for an abortion. Abortion should never be used as a form of birth control, and fortunately, Paige isn't able to go through with it. However, she ends up miscarrying anyway. I've always wondered if babies can sense when they're not wanted.
Paige finally realizes that Michael is all wrong for her, and in one of the most tender scenes in the 4th season, Artie dresses up in a white outfit, reminicent of Southeast Asian culture, and plays the flute to open up the heavens to welcome the child back home.
Life Goes On: Happy Holidays (1992)
Corky Becomes a Man
It's Christmas, and everyone is getting ready for the holidays. The Swansons, clearly trying to prove that they can do better for Amanda than Corky, buy them a color TV for Christman. Mrs. Swanson even has the audacity to announce, "And it's expensive too!" Anyone who believes that money can buy happiness is someone who clearly doesn't know what happiness is.
Next, the Swansons buy them a large Christmas tree, despite the fact that Corky has already bought a tree for him and Amanda.
Libby is correct when she tells Corky that when you marry, you adopt your partner's family too. It's a tough adjustment for Corky who is used to spending the holidays with his family. But, Amanda's parents invite them over for Christmas Eve dinner. As we know, Corky isn't very good at handling change.
Soon, Amanda is starting to sound like her parents. She chides Corky for not studying hard enough for his test, and when she gets upset with Corky for playing with Arnold instead of getting ready for their dinner with her parents, Libby crosses the line and interferes. While nothing she said was wrong, it's simply no longer her place to do so, and Amanda tearfully asks Corky why he isn't standing up for her, and she leaves for her parents' house alone.
When the Thachers attempt to cheer Corky up, he finally steps up and voices his displeasure to Libby. For the first time, Corky stand up his mother and reminds her that Amanda is his wife who can say whatever she wants and that Libby no longer has that right. Mothers/sons and fathers/daughters. When a marriage takes place, it can be difficult for in-laws to recognize the new boundaries. And when Corky finally goes over to the Swansons' house, he gets chided by them for his poor grades, until Amanda stands up for him to her own parents and tells them how proud she is of her husband.
Corky and Amanda learn fairly quickly how to be there for each other.
Paige, who is arguably the most immature of the Thacher children, become enamored with her husband, Michael, once more when he comes home to get her. Paige dwells in a realm where reality simply doesn't exist. She thinks her marriage should like something out of the movies.
In a humorous exchange, Becca has been working hard in an art class to make a painting for Jesse for Christmas. When she insists that he critique it, she doesn't take it well. However, Jesse plays a turn of the card and writes Becca a story. When he asks for her critique, Becca understands his point. If you can't handle criticism then don't ask for it.
By the end of this episode, it becomes quite clear that Corky has grown up more than either of his two sisters.
Life Goes On: Udder Madness (1992)
Not the Best Filler Episode, But Just Barely Good Enough
I suppose the writers were going for something light and fun. After "Babes in the Woods" they unfortunately decided to make Ray Nelson a regular character. The problem with television back then is that the story arcs only lasted one or two episodes rather than a full season like today's shows. Otherwise, people would have remembered Ray Nelson as the scheming jerk who tricked Corky out $100 back in "Sweet Sixteen." It's extremely difficult to imagine and accept how/why Becca would ever be interested in someone like him, let alone have him around as a friend. Her taste in men certainly leaves a lot be desired, not counting Tyler or Jesse. I guess attention is more important to her than integrity since Becca quickly develops feelings for any guy who gives her that attention.
Ray Nelson has nominated Becca for Homecoming Queen, without her consent. Just as she's reporting him to Mrs. Kneffer, she finds out that Ray will be expelled (as well as he should be for his often cruel antics), and she changes her mind. Little does Becca realize that Goodman has added a new nomination: Mary Lou, the cow.
Given Becca's lack of taste and maturity, it's tough to feel sorry for her when she loses. In many ways, she asked for it, and she also needs to be put in her place. Throughout much of Season 4, we see her acting more petty, selfish, and immaturely, not to mention arrogantly as well. There are a number of times thtroughout this season that I wished Jesse would have left her. Jesse makes a number of mistakes as well, but he's clearly the more mature of the two, especially with Becca constantly needing to be in control and also having things done her way.
Another strange story arc of this episode is Paige and Artie going into a construction partnership, and then Artie calling it off because he's suddenly developed a crush. It was not only odd, but it also didn't make much sense, especially given how much time they'd already spent together when they worked at the factory.
This episode is passable but easily one of the weakest of Season 4. It was as if the writers had no other ideas to run with.
Life Goes On: Babes in the Woods (1992)
The Arrogance and Selfishness of People Who Meddle
Make no mistake. While their intentions may seem honorable, a person who meddles in someone else's affairs is someone who is only doing it for themselves. Too often, people overlook the fact that the best thing we can do for others is to do nothing at all. Just be there.
Becca is someone who always needs to control things. And as Jesse points out at the end of the episode, she makes excuses for needing people. In her blind arrogance, Becca listens to a phone call from Jill to Jesse about a scout coming. Becca promptly erases the message from the machine. She also goes behind Goodman's back and calls her mother to get Goodman's high school transcripts and permission to help get Goodman into Marshall High...all done without talking to Goodman first. Another part of Becca's arrogance is that she thinks she knows what's best for everyone. There is scarcely anyone more ignorant and arrogant than the one who believes that they know best.
Becca, Jesse, and her friends are whisked away to Harris's cabin as part of a school project. Harris pulls a fast one and leaves them in an old shack to fend for themselves as a test. Things get worse for Becca when she stumbles into the cabin and gets sprayed by a skunk and then knocks over a lantern, thus burning down the cabin as they all flee.
Goodman is infuriated by Becca's meddling, and Becca finally confesses what she did to Jesse, and of course, he's not thrilled with her either. Becca tries to justify her actions, but Jesse wisely points out that a person who meddles is really only doing it for themselves.
It may not seem like much to step back and do nothing; to just be there for someone, but there is scarcely anything more empowering either. You're telling the other person that you trust them; that you believe in them, and that you're also there for them should they need you, but giving them the freedom to ask. Life isn't a process of holding on to anyone or anything. It's a process of letting go and realizing that you never lost anyone or anything. They've always been there and always will be.
Life Goes On: Windows (1992)
Windows Of Opportunity
Corky and Amanda have just been married, and now they facc the outrage of Amanda's parents. Mr. And Mrs. Swanson are two overbearing and controlling parents because they have no clue how to treat their daughter as an adult. All they see is her disability rather than her abilities, and that is especially sad when parents can't see anything else in their children.
This is something that's far more common in the East with Asian parents. I know because I've lived and worked as an ESL teacher in China, Taiwan, and Korea. Too often parents focus on what their children fail to do rather than what they accomplish. Parents there live vicariously through their children, which is quite sad.
Corky and Amanda run off on their honeymoon. However, the strangeness of being away from home becomes too much for Corky who ends up huddled in fear in the corner of the motel room since he's never spent a night away from his family.
The Swansons, being what they are, attempt to have the marriage annulled, and it nearly works until Corky finally speaks up and finally wins Amanda. Paige comes to the rescue as well when she offers the newlyweds her loft so that they have their own place.
Jesse finally has his art gallery opening, and unfortunately for him, it doesn't go well. Everyone he comes across mercilessly criticizes his work. However, if you're going to be any kind of an "artist," especially if you intend to showcase your work, you have to expect that. Jesse makes the mistake of needing other people's approval and acceptance. If you can't be an "artist" for yourself first, then it really ends up being pointless. For example, I am a novelist. I've written eight novels. If I'm able to ever publish one, that would be great, but if not, that's okay too because I write for the joy of writing.
Just when Jesse is considering giving up altogether, Corky shows up and sees something beautiful in one of his paintings. His interpretation is a beautiful one, and Jesse finally realizes that unless he's painting for himself, it doesn't matter.
Jesse, however, makes the mistake of having Jill over at his apartment after the disaster of his exhibition, and Becca catches them. Nothing happens, of course, but Jesse also makes a good point with Becca. While she has friends and family to lean on, Jesse only has her, and he reminds her that she has to allow him to have his own friiends because she simply can't be there for him all of the time. Jill also lets Becca know that, while it may be nice to keep Jesse all to herself, it's also very unfair to him.
The episode is aptly titled, "Windows" as so many windows of opportunity show up for us every, single day. It's up to us to seize upon them and do something with them. Every day is an opportunity to improve oneself. Dr. Wayne Dyer defined nobility as "being better today than you were yesterday." One also can't be afraid to step up when those opportunities arise. Fortunately, Corky seizes his just in the nick of time, and Jesse gives them the perfect wedding gift!
Life Goes On: Love Letters (1992)
Finding a Way
Anyone who tells you that relationships don't require much work or creativity is someone who isn't very good in them, and probably shouldn't be in one.
The episodes starts off with Becca finding a box of old love letters from a GI overseas and the woman he loves back home. Of course, Becca is captivated by the correspondence, and she and Eric begin hunting for more as well as clues to the woman's whereabouts.
Becca is disappointed that Jesse isn't as enthusiastic about the letters, as he's swamped trying to get ready for an exhibit of his artwork; an exhibit that Becca encouraged and helped to arrange.
Becca shares a small intiimate moment with Eric, and Jesse does the same with Jill, the woman in charge of his exhibition, but both realize that they are each other's true love. It's too bad that it took each of them to briefly be with someone else in order to realize it. Then again, they're still very young.
So many people are caught up in the unrealistic fantasies of what they read or what they watch in movies or on television. Eckhart Tolle once stated, "they are nice, but they are not reality. They never talk about what happens after the 'happily ever after' when they have an argument or conflict arises." Kobe Bryant stated the exact same thing. "Yeah, those movies are nice, but they never go beyond the happy ending. What happens when Prince Charming ends up on the couch?" And likewise, Becca's bubble is burst when she finally meets Sarah and she shares with her the reality of the relationship. Oh, she adored him, but it wasn't without many conflicts and struggles.
Drew, who has read some of the letters, tries to spark some romance with Libby. Throughout most of the episode, she's pretty much unresponsive, until she finally appreciates what he's been trying to do, even with Paige acting like a milksop.
The highlight of the episode is Corky and Amanda basically eloping, knowing full well that their parents would never allow them to get married at this point in time, if ever. I loved seeing Corky taking charge and standing on his own two feet!
As Sarah wisely tells Becca, that when two people are in love, you find a way to make it work. Romance dies when one or both people stop working at it. It never has to be anything big, as illustrated by Libby at the end when she surprised Drew at the restaurant. Small gestures and little gifts can often be more than enough. All couples need time to be together, even if that means putting aside some time. Intimacy (not necessarily sex, but that helps) is absolutely necessary to keep that spark going. Every relationship has its bumps and hardships, but you navigate them together.
The secret to happiness in any relationship is to love yourself first. You cannot give what you do not have. Relationships are not about what you get out of them, but about what you put into them.
Life Goes On: The Whole Truth (1992)
Becca Loses Her Way
This is an intriguing episode about the power of women and the men who attempt to subvert that to fulfill their own desires. It's something that is as old as time itself.
Becca quicky finds herself enamored with her new English teacher, a poet who uses his poetry to captivate women. He appears smart and sophisticated, but he's anything but. Soon, he's pretty much all Becca can think about. Throughout this season Becca's newfound popularity and looks (no longer wearing glasses), she's easily duped into being attracted to other men who show an interest, showing that she's far less loyal and mature than she's given credit.
Becca's first challenge has to do with her sister, Paige. Paige goes out with Becca's teacher, much to Becca's disappointment and consternation, and Paige is able to fight off an attempted rape, if nothing else, at least a sexual assault. Becca is so caught up with her teacher that she doubts Paige's interpretation about what happened. Her own sister. Becca takes the word of a stranger over a family member. That's the saddest part of it, and again, shows off Becca's immaturity. Thankfully, Becca finally comes around and realizes that she's been wrong, and bravely, she confronts her teacher at school.
People tend forget sometimes that rape is not about love or affectiong, but about power. Only the most cowardly of men prey upon women. These are men who feel inferior because they are unable to come to terms with who they are. That is what makes them so incredibly pathetic.
Corky finds a swimsuit calendar and begins fantasizing about the woman on the page. He interacts with her, and through his own confessions about his feelings, he begins to understand that people are more than how they look or what they wear. You have to get to know a person to truly find out who they are. People who fantasize about a photograph are those who are superficial and can't see anything else beyond it. This is what leads to objectification. Of course, it doesn't help that models tend to exacerbate this either. Mankind has not yet evolved beyond such primitive ideas yet.
Libby talks to Paige and Becca at the end and finally reveals that she was a victim of rape when she was in high school. She's never told anyone, and perhaps for the first time in her life, she's come to terms with it. Women do have a responsibiility to notify authorities and report what happens. Libby was right: silence is far worse than fear, especially if the perpretrator does the same thing to someone else. How would you feel if you were a victim and that it could have all been prevented if the last victim had reported it?
There is nothing more powerful than believing in yourself and refusing to be a victim to anyone.
Life Goes On: Exposed (1992)
Before Jack and Rose!
This is definitely one of the funniest episodes of the series as the scene opens with Jesse painting Becca as she lies on a sofa. It's all tastefully done. Jesse loves it and wants to put it on display. There's just one problem: Becca isn't wearing anything!
So begins a crazy episode as Jesse's painting of Becca is now hanging in the book store! Before long, crowds of people, mostly teenage boys, are clamoring for a glimpse. Jesse shares a philosophy that even he has little idea what he's getting into: art is supposed to cause trouble.
Before long, Drew finally ventures into the bookstore for his daily paper, curious about what these crowds of boys are looking at...until, much to his horror, he finally sees the painting of his daughter hanging on full display. He storms the school and creates quite the scene for Becca, even though his anger his beyond hilarious as he roars throughout the school hallways!
Becca is soon the center of much unwanted attention, including getting many phone messages from guys she doesn't even know.
Drew, Jesse, and Corky hatch a half-brained scheme to break into the bookstore to get the painting, only to be caught by the police after tripping an alarm.
We watched a sweet episode back in Season 2 when Drew and Becca attend the Daddy Daughter Dinner Dance. And now, at seventeen, Drew is faced with the harsh reality that his "little girl" is now a grown woman, which is a challenging concept for many fathers!
This is a cute and fun episode, especially with Drew, Jesse, and Corky all locked away behind bars. Perhaps the funniest moment is when three police officers are analyzing the painting while a helpless, protesting Drew can only sit and watch.
Life Goes On: Bec to the Future (1992)
Starting Over
40-year-old Becca comes back to revisit the house she grew up in and also to face her own demons of the past. She wanders around the house until her husband shows up. He knows she's withholding something. Since Jesse isn't there, we can only assume that he's passed away.
We step back to the "present" as another summer winds down. Becca can't wait for Jesse to come back. She's been working at a local book store and she's made some new friends (albeit not very good ones).
Jesse finally does come home, and the sweet reunion we think we're going to get is nowhere to be found. He finds out that Becca never told her friends that he's HIV+. She claims that she isn't ashamed of him, and yet, she's lying to herself. She's finally had a summer--time--away from Jesse and away from HIV. On a human level, we can understand this. On a deeper, intimate level, we can't. Becca has forgotten that you stick with someone through thick AND thin.
Goodman (Becca's new friend) challenges Becca by telling her that she has no future with Jesse and that they also have no romance. Goodman may be realistic, but she's also very superficial, which becomes more evident as the series progresses. Anyone who believes that intimacy is only about sex is someone who is very shallow with an extremely limited view of things.
Jesse reminds Becca, that while she enjoyed time away from HIV, he doesn't have the luxury, and they both snap at each other. "I'm so sick of you acting like you're already dead!" she says. "And I'm sick of you acting like I'm never going to be!" Jesse counters. Both make good points. And Jesse and Becca realize that they have to learn how to be together again.
Jesse also shares his worst fear with Becca: of being forgotten. He asks her to keep him with her after he's gone. Notice that he isn't asking her to stop living or to pine away for him. He simply doesn't wish to be forgotten. And in the end, future Becca finally decides to tell her husband about him. When my father passed away and my mother remarried, she never forgot my father.
Once again, you have to understand that this dynamic was completely new to televison; an HIV person in love with someone, and the exploration of how they're able to be together, to be intimate, will be heavily explored in this final season. Back then, most acts of physical affection and intimacy were completely frowned upon, so does this work when the most you can do is hold hands, hug, or cuddle? It challenges a person to be creative; to find other ways of being intimate. Of course, it isn't easy, but again, nothing worthwhile ever is!
Meanwhile, Corky and Amanda are anxious to sleep together. It's a rather cute story arc where they take "sleeping together" literally! I chuckled when Corky says, "Oh, I forgot about protection," and he puts his arm around Amanda. It's sweet, but given past episodes, it's hard to believe that Corky doesn't know what "sleeping together" means. After all, Drew told Libby that he had had the discussion with Corky.
It's a solid start to Season 4 with some very unexpected twists but also some sound and realistic ones too.
Life Goes On: Confessions (1992)
Tyler Turns the Corner
No matter what anyone says, it's never too late to make a change. The greatest gift given to mankind is freedom of choice and the right to change your mind at any time.
Becca is wracked with guilt for kicking Tyler out of the house, despite the fact that she made the right choice. Yes, perhaps she should have thought about taking his keys away, but given how upset and angry she was, one can hardly blame her for the oversight.
Corky is in shock, and he's not speaking to anyone. I'm not sure, until this episode, we realize how much Corky loved Tyler, and rightly so. Tyler always treated him with love and respect. He always stood up for Corky, and this is a tender conversation we later find that they had in the car shortly before the accident. Sometimes, all it takes is for one person to believe in you, and Tyler feels that from Corky.
Tyler finally comes to the realization that he's been acting like a true jackass. He knows that the only person to blame for his shortcomings is himself. He freely admits that he didn't try nearly as hard as he should have, and that he never got over Becca. And in Tyler's final, heroic act, he crashes his car into a tree in order to avoid hitting a kid on a bike. Never mind that he was driving too fast. In the end, he made the right choice.
In a touching scene, Becca and Corky go to the hill where Tyler was taking Corky on that awful night to watch the sunrise, thus giving Corky the opportunity to say goodbye to his friend, who was, in fact, his brother.
Life Goes On: More Than Friends (1992)
Tyler's Immaturity Catches Up With Him!
Tyler Benchfield, Becca's crush for two seasons, and her boyfriend for the first few episodes of this season, lies in a hospital bed after crashing his car into a tree with Corky as the passenger. Of course, we don't get the full details of what happened until the next episode.
Tyler has always be a kid with a big heart. He's always stood by Corky, and for a while, he was a good friend to Becca. However, Tyler's lack of motivation and direction have always been his problem. Tyler is already flunking some classes at Marshall. Trying to get into his college fraternity is more important to him. His priorities are badly skewed.
The other problem is that Tyler had never gotten over Becca. It's difficult for him to see her with Jesse, and he unloads his anger and frustration to his frat.boys. Jesse and Becca decide to throw a party while Drew and Libby are away, and Tyler and his frat friends decide to crash it, spiraling everything out of control.
Finally, Becca confronts him, and like an immature coward, Tyler angrily accuses Becca of dumping him (even though it was the other way around), of not caring about him anymore, and pretty much for every problem that he's having. Tyler lacks the maturity to look in the mirror to find the real culprit. But, Becca has had enough. To her credit, she's tried hard to maintain a friendship; to encourage him to push himself, and even having Tyler over to help him with his studies (again). And Becca points out that she's sorry that she can't solve all of his problems and finally, after the last straw of listening to his pathetic excuses, she kicks him out of the house and also out of her life.
There's a reason why it's called "tough love," and Becca made the right choice. A drunk Tyler showing up at her house, bringing a keg into the house (which the Thachers could have been in huge trouble for), and entirely disrespecting Becca was too much for anyone to deal with. Despite how it looked, Becca didn't push Tyler away. He took care of that all by himself.
Life Goes On: Hearts & Flowers (1992)
Finding Your Rock
There are certain experiences that simply can't be shared. Those who have experienced war is something that is impossible for someone who hasn't to know and completely understand. When I finished my Peace Corps service, our Country Director told us, "you'll be eager to share your experiences with your family and friends. Don't be surprised if they stop listening. They simply can't understand because they can't relate."
After a family dinner, Becca surprises Jesse by "popping the question." And Jesse, caught up in the moment quickly agrees. The euphoria--the magic--of getting married initially takes over. Of course, not everyone is thrilled with the idea, which isn't unexpected.
However, things take a sudden turn. Jesse volunteers at the local Hospice, helping out and taking care of people with AIDS. Becca insists in seeing what goes on. Little does she realize that she hasn't the faintest idea of what she's about to see and experience. After a short time and seeing some less than ideal people and the dreaded illness they are all battling, she flees.
Jesse, of course, understands and even sympathizes with her reaction. How else is she to react? This is what Jesse believes that any "outsider" is bound to react, and the reality of AIDS, complete with the horrors, hits Becca like a mack truck. And just like that, the wedding is off.
Becca is unsure if she can deal or cope with the reality of what Jesse is likely going to end up facing, and Jesse insists that they go back to how things were. Of course, it's not enough for Becca, and even though he puts on a "brave face," it's clearly not enough for Jesse either. How are two people in love supposed to take a step back?
Jesse and Becca end up coming to terms. The wife of a patient who has passed away, tells Jesses that she just wanted to be with him, even though he pushed her away. And Libby assures Becca that she will find the strength and learn how to face and deal with it.
One of most beautiful scenes in the series is Becca coming into Jesse's room as he's about to give himself an injection. Becca insists that Jesse show her how to do it, and Jesse realizes through tears that he has found his rock. He has found someone who WILL be there for him through thick and thin.
A true rock doesn't mean that the person will be able to understand what you're going through, but they will be there for you, and you can be their rock by allowing them to be there for you.
Life Goes On: The Blues (1992)
You Don't Quit on Me, and I Don't Quit on You
Most people have made a declaration; a promise to do something that they realize is much easier to say than it is to do. The intentions are there, but they find that, in the end, it's not enough.
Drew is still leary of Jesse, especially when he's touching Becca. He admits that he can't help it, and even Becca lets him know that he's going to have to find a way to deal with it.
When the furnace at Jesse's house breaks, Drew comes over to fix it. After discovering Jesse's Blues collection, he takes Jesse to a Blues club, and soon, they are bonding. It's hard to dislike or hate someone when you get to know them, and to Drew's credit, he makes the effort. And just like that Drew hires Jesse as a waiter in his restaurant.
Mrs. McKenna confronts Drew to test his resolve and to find out exactly why he's doing it. She. Lets him know that Jesse has already lost so many people and he can't lose anyone else.
We find out that Jesse's real father died when he was only six. It's obvious that Jesse's experience of "loss" came at a very early age, and it seems that the pattern has continued, especially after he contracted HIV.
When people stop coming to the restaurant, Jesse offers to walk away, but Drew convinces him to stay, telling him, "You don't quit on me, and I won't quit on you." Drew's heart is definitely in the right place, but little does he comprehend what he's undertaking. Jesse, of course, believes him, and even finds some sense of hope that, finally, someone is willing to stick by his side and stand up for him.
Everything comes crashing down when Drew is forced to let Jesse go or lose his business. In a heartwrenching scene at the end, Drew tries to apologize, and while Jesse assures him that he's "okay," it's obvious to everyone that he's far from "okay." He's finally been pushed over the edge.
In an emotional breakdown, he lashes out at Drew as Drew attempts to leave. All of the anger, resentment, and bitterness comes roaring to the surface as Drew holds him in his arms; all of that anger, resentment, and bitterness that originated with the death of his father. I know something about his anger because I lost my own father when I was 19, and ten years later, I had a similar meltdown to the one Jesse had.
This is an extremely powerful episode about dealing with anger and resentment rather than letting it fester. Too often, we repress it, but eventually, like a powder keg, it will explode.
We get a strong glimpse into Jesse, and what has made him who he is, and why he's so afraid of getting close to anyone and allowing anyone to get close to him. It's the age-old fear: fear of loss. Now, for a moment imagine having a disease, where you'd hope that everyone would coming running to help and support you...but instead, they do the opposite. They all flee, run away, and abandon you. This is what Jesse is dealing with, and it only succeeds in stressing the importance of learning to love yourself first! Do this, and you'll find yourself standing on your own two feet no matter how many people abandon you. You become a rock.
One of the most inspirational poems used in the brilliant Korean series, "Itaewon Class" is "I am a Diamond" by Gwang Jin.
"I'm a rock.
Go ahead and sear me.
I won't budge an inch because I'm a rock.
Go ahead and beat me up.
I'm a solid rock.
Go ahead and leave me in the darkness.
I'm a rock that will shine all alone.
I don't break, I don't burn, nor do I decay, as I go against nature's way.
I survive.
I'm a diamond."
Life Goes On: The Wall (1992)
Carpe Turk'em! Seize the Bird!
We have seen a number of characters throughout movies and television representing those who are more afraid to live than they are to die. Jesse has been so focused on "waiting for death" that he's forgotten how to live.
Jesse is the victim of another witch hunt at school when the home economics teacher passes around a memo as a precaution by annoucing the possible dangers of Jesse being in the class. Becca, being an absolutely true friend and companion, snatches the memo and torches it on the stove, thus landing both her and Jesse in detention.
Anyone who has watched the classic movie, "Gentleman's Agreement" knows the vital importance of picking a companion who will stick with you through thick and thin. Fair-weathered friends and companions are cowards at heart and unable to cope with the slightest difficulties.
Jesse is waiting for his latest medical tests after the illness he contracted over Christmas to see if it's AIDS related or not. As someone who is prepared for death, he shrugs things off, not caring what he does or doesn't do. After all, what's the point if you're going to die? Even though this episode preceded "Braveheart" everyone remembers the classic line, "Every man dies, but not every man really lives."
The detention group leaves their detention job, much to the consternation of Becca who's picked to be the group's monitor. Jesse and Tyler try to get Becca to come out of her shell; to let her hair down and have some fun. From Jesse, while his pearl of "carpe deum" is profound, it's also hollow because after he finds out that his recent illness wasn't AIDS related, he realizes how much time he's wasted.
Jesse and Becca verbally spar as Becca tries to encourage him to start living rather than waiting around to die. Jesse, however, has lost direction and passion for life. He's stuck and doesn't know what to do. Finally, with Becca's help, he and the rest of the group go back to the school, and Jesse puts together a terrific piece of art to cover of the graffiti on the wall, and thus begins a new start for Jesse.
This isn't something for someone who has a disease to embrace. It's for everyone. Most people go through the motions of life and settling because they have no idea how to live. Life begins in the Present Moment. Without passion, a person might as well be dead because they really aren't living at all.
Life Goes On: The Smell of Fear (1991)
A Christmas To Remember
Everyone is getting ready for Christmas. Libby is put in charge of the Christmas pageant, and Drew is finally re-opening the restaurant.
Jesse has fallen asleep in class, and Becca is playfully tweaking his nose and ears. It's obvious after class that Jesse is not looking good, and Becca's worst fears are pushed the forefront. Jesse, of course, is being his usual stubborn self, and Becca has to blackmail him into going to a clinic.
When the snooty nurse asks if Jesse has any special health conditions or considerations, he's forced to reveal that he is HIV+. When he turns around, every eye in the waiting room is upon him. This was what happened when anyone made such a confession.
Unfortunately, as Jesse is being wheeled into the exam room, he pushes Becca away. It's hard to watch her saying, "I'm here!" to him only to be shut out by the double doors. As I stated in a previous review, when people push others away, it isn't to spare their feelings. It's to spare their own.
Taking some sound advice from Jesse's mother, Becca finally bulls her way into Jesse's room, and she won't tolerate Jesse's behavior any longer until he all but begs her to stay. Jesse's fears of always being perceived as "sickly" by Becca are quickly assuaged by her conviction that he need never fear that from her.
A trust is slowly being built between Becca and Jesse. In the back of his mind, Jesse figured Becca would end up bailing out on him at the first sign of trouble. And Becca knows now that she can't allow Jesse to push her away; that she has to stand her ground.
One of the most powerful scenes in the series is Becca tearfully confessing to Libby, "Mom, I love him!" It chokes me up every time she says it because we can feel it.
As the series continues, nothing comes easy for Becca or Jesse. Challenges are constantly coming at them like an endless see of wraiths. Maybe that's why the relationship is so endearing. They hit a lot of bumps along the way, but in the end, their love and devotion overcomes them. It's something that most people in "normal" relationships can never say.
Life Goes On: Triangles (1991)
Vulnerability is the Only True Courage!
It's ironic that everyone on the planet desires love and to be loved. And yet, despite this powerful desire, most people are more likely to give in to their fears rather than take a chance.
Love is risk. Love means being absolutely vulnerable, which is the only true courage.
Becca and Jesse struggle with taking the first step in their blossoming relationship. At a carnival, Jesse thinks he sees the girl he slept with, only to be mistaken. However, the harsh reality of coming to terms with her is almost too much for him to bear as Becca struggles with her own jealousy of seeing Tyler with her good friend Kari.
Once again, we have a dynamic that had never been seen or explored before: a love between two people when one of them is HIV+. It's obvious that Becca and Jesse have feelings for each other, but is it worth the risk? I'm not just talking about the physical limitations and possible dangers, but the risk of loss. Ultimately, this is what everyone fears the most in relationships. So what do people do? They put conditions on their love to try and prevent that. Unfortunately, the moment this occurs, it's no longer love. Why? Because love is always unconditional.
Jesse inadvertantly sees Becca kissing Tyler, and he steals her away for a road trip to find the girl who gave him HIV. Of course, Jesse is someone who, like many terminally ill people, pushes people away. These people claim that it's to spare their loved ones, when in fact, it's to spare their own. Being completely vulnerable means letting love in, no matter the form or the source or the situation.
Finally, at the cemetery, Jesse and Becca come to terms. They can no longer deny what they feel, nor do they wish to. Jesse finally finds the courage to take the risk, to let Becca love him. Becca is already ready to take the step, but it can't be taken until Jesse is ready and willing too. Thus begins a relationship into unchartered territory in television. I'd be curious how many couples went through something like this and the challenges that come with it. Then again, nothing worthwhile ever comes without challenges.
Becca finally proves her willingness and her resolve to love and be there for Jesse as she stop the car and the two share an absolutely beautiful moment. This is likely the first time--aside from Jesse's mother--that Jesse has had someone willing to take that step with Jesse, which is why it's so powerful and touching.
Meanwhile, Corky is in love with the new assistant manager at work. Chris Burke turned in a powerful performance in his scene when Michelle reveals the truth about herself and her son.
This is another beautiful episode expertly written that forces us to ask the question. Just how vulnerable are we willing to be for love?