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Suze (2023)
A surprisingly sweet and honest movie about people who need people
A surprisingly sweet and honest movie about people who need people. The summary of the movie kinda says it all, but the winning performances of the two leads makes it real and warm and painful. If the premise seems even remotely interesting to you, really go for it. Great performances, good writing, realistic dialog and behaviors, enough comedy, and how shirtless guy. Not sure what more you could hope for in a movie. Like an inverse rom-com, with reality instead of romance. McGill has never been featured in a better movie. Nobody tastes better in this movie. Shut up man if you don't love this movie.
Aaron Albeit a Hero (2009)
An extremely watchable TINY INDY LGBTQ film that provides something different.
I'm giving it a 10 in the appropriate category of nearly amateur tiny indy films shot in the sticks, in this case Austin TX and environs. I have no relation to anyone in this film and have never seen any of the talents' other work.
The film is a romcom and suspense-action-drama that actually hangs together.
The only truly dreadful aspect of the film is the audio, which was hissy and at times a little garbled throughout, though I could hear it all, and was impressed with the incidental music.
The sex/romance between the two leads is natural, sexy, and neither over or understated. All of the acting is at least serviceable, which is maybe easier when pulling from an underutilized talent pool like Austin.
The plot is convoluted, but believable and entertaining.
The lead actor, Matthew Burnett, manages to be charming, dorky, exasperated, non-Hollywood looking, charismatic yet very sexy all at once ... and a top.
I've seen too many $200 million films that basically only managed to give me a headache. This one made me smile and one line even made me laugh out loud.
So, WATCH IT.
The Order of the Black Eagle (1987)
Everything looks expensive ... except the lead's toupee.
Wow. It's basically a K-mart Goldfinger, except the villain's character rather than actor is a Nazi. Several of the lead actors were either too fat or too bald for Hollywood. However, the settings look rather expensive for a B-grade film. Anyway, discount Goldfinger want's to Nazi-fy the world, Discount James Bond and his human female and baboon sidekicks are found out almost instantly. Will balding Asian Q's great "toys" help save them? I need to get back to the film to find out. But, if you have any appetite from James Bond spoofs that don't take themselves too seriously, I highly recommend.
Vampires: Brighter in Darkness (2011)
As a fan film, by a gay vampire fan, rather good.
Before reviewing a movie like this, look at things like the budget and experience of the creators before you judge them at Hollywood levels.
This is clearly a fan film. The participants have almost NO other credits. The budget is about the price of a car.
As that, it is rather great. The guys are sexy and reasonable believable as their characters. The acting is sub par, but no so bad that you can't forget you are watching actors.
The writing is mostly derivative and bad, but, you know, fan fict bad. It's still reasonably fun gay vampire fantasy. So, if you are into that, watch it. Otherwise, just say not for me.
Rotting in the Sun (2023)
Shockingly original, honest, engrossing indy film.
I've seen A LOT of indy gay films at film festivals and elsewhere. This film mixes a self-absorbed gay "influencer" with a more serious indy artist having more serious life issues. The contrast between the very real but superficial issues of the influencer and the very real and very serious issues of the indy artist never become stale or boring. The acting throughout the film is EXCELLENT. Jordon Firstman has to be the most self aware gossamer thin gay personalities today. He is always sexy, funny, and captivating to watch. Maybe a better film historian than me can come up with something remotely similar to this film, but I find it totally original, fresh, and captivating. If you get a chance to see it, give it a try.
The Gifted: eXodus (2017)
Four episodes in and I am bored to heck...
Not worth your time unless just teens-with-powers is enough. Unlike, let's say, The Tomorrow People, the acting, actors, writing are just flat. The villainous anti-mutant agency is just too villainous. The hatred for mutants throughout the whole population seems so intense that it should be impossible for any mutants to assimilate. The first four episodes are about escaping, getting captured, running away ... repeat 2-3X per episode. OH... and all the superpowers and just a bit wonky... so often ineffective. I can enjoy a lot of dumb fun action shows ... this one is just too dumb and not nearly fun enough.
Travelers: Kathryn (2016)
This episode reminds you how great the series is, cuz it's 1/2 awful
This episode reminds you how great the series is, cuz it's 1/2 awful. Overall, I love this series. There are like 10 great characters ... well written, complex, good back stories. Then, there's Kathryn. A privileged, whiny Karen. Every scene with her and her husband, lead Erik McCormack, is painful. It is impossible to understand why Agent McLaren puts up with her for even a week. He could have left her and preserved her future history and helped the show. The one part of the episode that is interesting is when Kathryn becomes the voice of the nanites and explains to MacLeren's subconscious what is going on.
Holiday in the Vineyards (2023)
Josh brings his best feature
There are several axes upon which to rate a film, but for a Josh Swickard film, the most important is clearly how good does Josh look in this film, how often is he shirtless, is his chest well lit or in shadows, and how much as he trimmed his chest hair.
On those critical factors, this is his 2d best feature film. While it offers almost the same number and quality of shirtless scenes as in the original "A California Christmas," his chest is way overly clipped here and he almost looks smooth. The original CC showed him off at his most hirsute and he looked great. There was also a gay couple and a little more heart in that movie.
Anyway, I did enjoy this flick for what is was, though "Die Hard" is arguably more of a Christmas flick. All the craftsmanship was serviceable.
Thank you Josh and Netflix for some lite fun holiday fare.
Beyond Paranormal (2021)
Quite bad, but Anthony Cruz looks great.
Quite bad, but Anthony Cruz looks great.
This is just above an amateur effort. With some slightly decent camera work. A few of the actors are trying, but again, just an amateur effort.
I don't love the idea of people leaving entirely fake reviews. If this is the first movie you have been involved with, you can be very proud, but don't come onto to review sites and give ridiculously high reviews.
There is nothing to figure out because the plot makes no sense ... and since it is beyond paranormal nothing about is has to make sense, because it just all beyond normal. So any weirdness is just forgiven.
Seance: The Summoning (2011)
Enough added twists to make this interesting.
So, horror movies featuring 4-6 teenagers stuck in a "place" are legion. Most are horrible and by the numbers.
This one distinguishes itself on several levels. 1. It takes place in a huge morgue/funeral home, complete with a morgue room, a separate infant corpse room. A chapel. 2. It's well-lit, allowing the viewing to enjoy the physical appeal of the young actors, all of whom are very pretty. 3. The muscular teen male lead is shirtless and well-lit for half the movie. 4. The most emotionally important relationship are between the 2 boys and the 2 girls who are both close friends, romance is not really present. 5. Cutting and mental illness are worked into the movie in an interesting and organic way 6. None of the actors are bad 7. Christian belief motivates one of the characters in a natural, significant, and not preachy way. 8. The male lead has a natural partly crooked smile. 9. The demon character is believable and very malevolent. 10. The girls are touch in a believable way. So, on a scale of ALL MOVIES ever made, maybe a 3, but on a scale of indie horror films staring ONLY 4 young actors, maybe a 9/10 or even higher.
Secret Diary of A Cheerleader (2023)
So VERY VERY bad, that it's quite good.
A killer is loose among a squad of hot high school cheerleaders. Unclear who this is made for, as the only topless actors are the two men, so maybe for teenage girls. But, the cheerleading is barely featured and is BAD and the murders! Oh, the murders. And DRUGS! It turns out that the ENTIRE blond cheer squad is on DRUGS. Maybe it was made for evil campy gay men.
A so good it's bad movie needs a few things. Reasonable production values so you can see and hear it and it looks like a serious film: check. Actors who look uncomfortable and out of place in EVERY scene and EVERY costume. Check. Bad bad overacting, check. VERY BAD WRITING, check. If you like bad movies, this ones for you!
Wait with Me (2023)
Well, judged as a movie, it's awful, but judged as a romcom, it's terrible
So, there is a class of RomComs made by the likes of Hallmark often staring a soap opera star or two, and maybe one of their spouses. These films are universally bad, but occasionally just good enough to go down easy.
Once and a while, the actors can just barely act.
This is not one of those movies. The "acting," especially from the lead male, is like very very bad flat just line reading. Not a choice or emotion or thought in view. The writing is worse. Dreadful, wooden lines, plus dreadful wooden acting, make for a dreadful movie.
However, Andrew looks great ... though he is never allowed to look less than book cover perfect, even when covered in fake tire grease. Several of the supporting actors can actually act, just a bit. The female lead is okay. But, Andrew needs some basic acting classes ... or back to the covers.
A Hollywood Christmas (2022)
Goodish For A Bad Christmas Movie
First, Josh never removes his shirt. Any movie with Josh where that doesn't happen is already down.
But, the movie kept me guessing just enough to make me keep watching it. Unfortunately, it did not deliver enough surprises, which I guess is to the form on Christmas movies, but again, just 1 surprise might have been nice. Can we not have 1 Christmas movie where it turns out one of the main characters is unknown to be gay, or something. Everyone can still end happy, but some major diversion would have been nice. In this one, maybe the b!tch executive could have wound up with the director in the end and Josh, coming out of the shower in just a towel, could look up and realize he had fallen in love with the all knowing assistant.
La Brea (2021)
Gloriously Horrible
If you liked the original Land of the Lost, you might like this ... though honestly the writing, acting, series premise, were FAR BETTER in Land of the Lost. But, there's something fantastically cheesy about this whole production. I've watched all of Season 1. The Indian guy SAVES THE COW!!! And, even says "Holy Cow!" I mean, this is gold. The cast, the wooden acting, the truly dumb writing remind me of the worst of the various police/fire/doctor procedurals...but the nuttier ones like 9-1-1: Lone Star. If you thought Lost made way too much sense, this is the show for you ... but without the sex, intrigue, or excitement.
Pork Pie (2017)
I'm a Dean O'Gorman fan... but not for this.
This feels like it wants to be a teen-hijinks movie ... but the lead looks every one of his 40 years .... (very handsome nonetheless), his story is not explained and the whole film is thus inexplicable. Works on no levels.
If you're from New Zealand, maybe it makes sense...but it just doesn't for outsiders.
Mad cap rule breaking adventures need some reason or rational for beginning...and this just doesn't provide it.
Watch anything else with Dean instead...even the Hobbit. I know living where there is little indie films made is tough...but do better than this...really. I will continue to look for more Dean.
Perseo l'invincibile (1963)
Too many togas, not enough t1ts.
There's a lot to like about this sword and muscles outing...especially the remastered versions. Great colors, costumes. Wild, terrible monsters. But there is effectively no uncovered beefcake and the cheesecake is very very covered. So, what could have been. There are way wackier, sexier, weirder peplums out there. This one is a little snoozey by comparison.
Richardson Harrison is overall one of the more beautiful men to don the sandals. A former physique pictorial star, his blond hairy muscled torso is featured in a number of adventure films. Unfortunately, this is not one.
His son homaged his dads beefcake appeal in one Spaghetti Western, often called White Apache.
Leonardo (2021)
Surprisingly bad...until you know a key "creative" behind Medici was here.
If you want pretty pictures and something of a story for your $30mill cable show, fine. But this production is so lacking on every front. The overall tone is one of those 1950s Hollywood Jesus epics. The material is bled if almost all life and treated with a weird detached reverence, there is NO comedy, almost NO sex, NO passion. The protagonist stumbles along, somewhat confused about his own life and acting like a fixed icon. Plus, Aidan Turner is too old to play the first 20 years of LDV professional life. And the subject of LDV's homosexuality is handled so poorly as it should have been left alone all together. If you make it too the closing credits, notice the 1st two screens. At the top of the FIRST one is the head of legal and business affairs and his associate! The SECOND screen is a credit for the Italian Tax Credit Law. So, that really says it most!
It Is in Us All (2022)
An excellent film, for some.
If you loved "Call Me By Your Name," don't see this film. If you don't know what an abattoir is, don't see this film. If you know the difference between the movies in the MCU and the DCU, don't see this film.
Film does several different things incredibly well. One is the quiet psychological portrait. To do so most effectively requires very tight writing, excellent acting, and compelling visuals.
This film has all three, in spades. Cosmo Jarvis gives what should be a career defining bravura performance as the bottled up, confused, privileged, protagonist. He is beautiful and sexy very much in a Tom Hardy way, but if Hardy can act at this level, I've never seen it. Hid physical presence and charisma are used subtly in the film to partly drive the plot.
Anyway, all that happens in this movie is life, disaffection, heartbreak, and a tiny tiny bit of redemption in appreciating the world and people around us.
There are multiple similarities with the 1997 film Hamam, but more sparce and haunting.
Queer as Folk: Babylon (2022)
Worth watching. Starts as bubblegum ... ends very differently.
Worth watching. Starts as bubblegum ... ends very differently. Worth watching. Starts as bubblegum ... ends very differently. Worth watching. Starts as bubblegum ... ends very differently. Worth watching. Starts as bubblegum ... ends very differently.
{I haven't been able to post lately. I will submit and edit if this posts.}
Il ragazzo dal kimono d'oro (1987)
Overlooked U.S. hunk Jared Martin is father to soon to be Italian hunk Kim Stuart Rossi
So, this got a bluray release! Cool. This film is more interesting, perhaps, in its meta-plot than it's plot.
First, the bluray is beautiful. If you've seen this before, almost certainly on a US video, you will be surprised at the well shot clearly film footage.
Second, the "International" cast. U. S. Hunk Jared Martin is the Americal journalist father to his somewhat spoiled American son, played by beautiful Italian actor Kim Stuart Rossi, long before he developed muscles or chest hair and became a heartthrob in Italy. Martin speaks English throughout and Rossi speaks Italian. They do share blue eyes.
Third, this is a non-schlocky drama made by decidedly schlock Italian director, Fabrizio De Angelis. His other projects include Zombies, killer crocs, and the Thunder trilogy. This is a decidedly Italian production, made in the Phillipines, with just 1 Italian actor, and 2 American ones.
Fourth, the pacing. There are exactly FOUR named characters in all of the first 48 minutes. Dad __, son Anthony, girl he picks up at the market, Maria, and local villain, Quino. Those are the only speaking parts with more that 10 words up to then either. A mystical forest monk appears about 49 min in, though his name and role remain a mystery for a bit. He and Anthony have the first non procedural dialog, and we learn that Anthony, having spent about 1/3 the film so far shirtless, is almost 17. Mother Kim arrives, and we learn the monk is Master Kimura.
Now, we are an 59 min in to a 1h28min movie. Anthony got beat up badly by Quino, was healed by the monk, and that's it. No other plot developments really, or plans. But then, the monk promises to train Anthony, and say that "you words say know, but I can see you mean yes." 5 long minutes later, training begins. A training montage of 5 minutes ensues, with a Golden Kimono (see) presented, but not worn, till the end. Mary appears in the grass and Anthony runs out. So, not to belabor the point, Anthony remains shirtless from going to bed at, 33m, through his kidnapping, beating, rescue, training, and reuniting with Mary, at 1h05m. In the next 10 min, Mary's store is burned down, Quino fights with some guys, and Anthony raises his hand and challenges Quino, finally putting on the Golden Kimono, with another shirtless flash.
The fight proceeds quickly. Quino plays some dirty tricks. The monk appears out of nowhere and tells Anthony to use the force and fight blindfolded. Anthony wins...the crowd goes wild. Anthony must return to Venice California. His parents give some money to Maria for a new store. The End.
The Flight Attendant: Mushrooms, Tasers, and Bears, Oh My! (2022)
Very enjoyable, quick, witty, trashy, funny, sexy action thriller.
Very enjoyable, quick, witty, trashy, funny thriller. I like the 1st season for similar reasons.
I don't know what people want from TV, but something a little fresh, real, zippy, with good writing and acting, seems like enough. Almost every actor is a standout, but Deniz Akdeniz is particularly welcome to see and embodies and interesting grounded character to his neurotic Zosia Mamet lawyer girlfriend. If this sounds interesting to you at all, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
Minx (2022)
Rather tame and just bad for a comedy about sex
So, it plays like an old Brady Bunch episode, but with an allegedly nudie magazine. The writing, directing, and comedy are terrible. The acting is for the most point very par for a sitcom. Overall, despite all the weird penis photographs, it's FAR TAMER than 2 Broke Girls. Like PG magazine, the general idea of sex and sexuality is hinted at through gauze, but never confronted.
On the plus side, Jake Johnson comes off as smart and very sexy in a dad way. Taylor Zakhar Perez, with full adult chest hair, looks amazing and has great charisma, but has almost nothing to do.
Lennon Parham reprises her supportive, smart, wacky older sister role from Accidentally On Purpose, which, oddly had 10x the references to actual sex than this series. It's just so weird how desexualized this is.
Mario (2018)
Well acted, well shot, 2 hour BORING Swiss/German Soccer gay romance
If you are really into German/Swiss soccer, it's a long boring movie.
If you are really into gay romance, it's a long boring movie.
If you enjoy watching good actors and good cinematography, for 2 hours with little story, go for it.
If you're gay and under 25 at heart, you might be affected by it.
Under the Dome (2013)
Why magical realism often fails on serialized TV
So, many of the most interesting speculative series of the past 20 years start out as basically magical realism stories. One magical, unexplained element happens, and the rest of the drama is shaped around that. There are many examples, but Stranger Than Fiction, the film, is a great one. In pure magical realism, the magical plot device is never or barely explained or expanded upon. Think, LOST, an airplane crashes on a deserted island with some magical properties. That carries most of the first season...but as soon as explanations or embellishments are added, things go downhill. True Blood, great when it was about vampires coming out of the closet, but then included kings, power politics, fairies, werewolves, etc. Etc. Walking Dead, however, has stuck to one magical plot device, zombies, and the rest of the drama for 13 seasons is dealing with that. Under the Dome works reasonable well when there is just an unexplained Dome. As soon as the explanations start, the series TANKS, despite excellent acting, decent writing early on, good production values. Bad TV seems to think you need to deliver MORE every season. More embellishments, more back story, more explanations. It almost always FAILS. In this series, it FAILS spectacularly. Start for the goon SciFi suspense, stay for the debacle.
Sex/Life: Empire State of Mind (2021)
Okay...it's starting to get boring and repetitive...
So, Adam Demo's d and Mike Vogel everything are still very very welcome sights, but the story is getting dull and repetitive. This through episode 7 seems all more of the same. WE GET IT. This could have wrapped up as a nice 2 hr movie, but at this point, it is a delay f. For 8 hours. There should be a lot more DRAMA in this drama. The same protean conflict between basically just 2, maybe 3 people, is just not enough to sustain this many hours. The WHOLE series would be maybe 5 mins of a Sopranos episode.