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The_nibs
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Rare Objects (2023)
Didn't care for it
The protagonist is a lovely actress, and Alan Cummings is adorable, but the drama is predictable and lacking. I have not read the book but I was hoping that this film was really going to unpack the trauma of sexual assault victims. Instead it focuses more on Holmes' character, a bipolar/schizophrenic addict who fidgets a lot, and her relationship with Benita. In fact their surface level friendship takes up a good portion of the film but it's not terribly interesting. They have a couple of giggly late night chat sessions, get drunk a couple of times, and wax poetic about life, but other than being broken, which apparently every character is in some capacity, I don't see what they have in common. I'm a trauma victim, I just don't see bonding over mental illness as a positive thing. I also really disliked how preachy this film feels, characters constantly drop feel good lines about beauty, honesty and rebirth, it feels like a Pinterest board full of inspirational quotes, and they like to show broken objects constantly to remind you of how broken the characters are, but unlike objects people cannot be repaired with some gold epoxy resin. And that's the big drawback here, a woman who was raped almost never discusses or receives therapy for it, and we're suppose to believe she picks up and moves on. Sexual trauma is a life time affliction, and it would take way longer for this woman to acclimate post trauma than it depicts in the film. It honestly undermines the severity of mental health in pursuit of touting some flowery speech and feel good moments. I think Katie Holmes would have been better sticking to Pinterest.
I Survived Bear Grylls (2023)
Terrible
It's like if you hired Bear Grylls to host a children's party. There are several extremely obnoxious contestants, a weird tag along host, combined with obstacle courses that literally children could do. This is a far cry from his previous undertakings, hell even the hand holding he did with celebrities was better than this garbage, at least then they actually went somewhere, like Alaska, instead of cheaply simulating "hostile environments". And by hostile environments I of course mean a snow machine on a farm in Massachusetts... Do not waste your time, you'd have more fun getting a colonoscopy.
How the mighty have fallen.
Mystic Pizza (1988)
Hormonal
I wish this movie was more enjoyable, it has some knock out actresses, it is after all Robert's debut film, but there's something inherently lacking here. The premise is simple enough, three townie girls at different stages in their lives looking for romance (or sex), all set against the backdrop of a Pizzeria in a poor seaside town. The Pizzeria feels like the only connecting thread at times, so perhaps that's why the film was named as such. I never get a true sense of friendship or sisterhood between these girls, the bonding moments are almost strictly centered around drinking or arguing, neither of which endears us to these characters. And there's yelling, a lot. It's like everyone but the shy babysitter (Kat) is at full volume expressing themselves, shouting their thoughts and opinions which are often conflicting and all over the place. I know they are supposed to be in their late teens, but they seem younger due to their immaturity. What was the deal with Jo? She was so over sexed but becomes embarrassed and freaks when her boyfriend calls her out on it? What even?? I didn't mesh with her story at all, it was very one note. Daisy's romance was at least entertaining, the dinner scene was hilarious but I'm skeptical that it was meant to be. Her sister, Kat, has a sad but weird love story where she is seduced by a man almost twice her age, like that's acceptable (?!), and the way it unfolds feels lazy and predictable. I would describe this film as hormonal, and there aren't enough funny, happy, touching moments to temper the abrupt emotional outbursts that happen every five seconds. It's watchable for some.. This is my second time around where I thought I'd give it another chance but just no. Never again. It has so much superficial emotion but it lacks actual heart. Some may like it, surely, if you're into TV drama and Hallmark, but otherwise you'll likely be left wanting for something with more substance to it.
Jersey Girl (1992)
Cheese
Mega cheesey movie full of ugly fashion, bad hair, and weak sentiment. You can tell this was a poor man's Pretty Woman. I didn't have high hopes going into it but I'm finding myself increasingly annoyed by the protagonist. Toby is somehow more childish than the kids she babysits! She latches onto the idea that getting a successful boyfriend will somehow progress her own life with virtually no effort on her part, other than maybe obsessively pursuing and seducing a complete stranger. I guess that's where the fairy tale nonsense comes into play, that we're all hoping for some miracle love to make us feel "complete" or at least in Toby's case financially endowed because it's her primary motivator. She wants to look expensive and like she's going somewhere but the only place she'll be going is to wherever her boyfriend goes. It's a sad rather sexist and not terribly romantic narrative. It's not helped at all by the fact that her would be boyfriend Sal is as class obsessed and shallow as she is. Not to mention there aren't very likeable qualities in either character as people. I felt like Toby's friends were far more interesting in the meager minutes of screen time they had, and I would've preferred seeing each individual woman's backstory than anything to do with Toby! I want to know what makes Cookie so tough, why Dottie hasn't ever had an orgasm, or if the plus size lady will find love and respect? I guess I wanted to see something more realistic and not so Hallmark-esque. It's passable for a rainy day but I'll never come back to it.
Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)
Watchable but only just
I am a huge fan of the original, grew up with it, and was a little stoked for this film. Once I heard it wasn't getting a theatrical release my expectations dropped, so I went in fairly open minded. I didn't hate this film but I found it disappointing.
Firstly, it felt like too much fan service, there were a lot of things thrown in like it's expected or something. For instance, I don't mind the idea of having the musical numbers but only if they actually serve a purpose and were integrated, here it's like they're just thrown into the script because it's Midler! Not that she's lost her touch, though, she's stellar, but I think placing too much emphasis on creating nostalgia hampered the script. The story felt directionless, I didn't feel invested in the teenage girls and often forgot their names because they're such a non point in this film. It could literally be any sixteen year olds, they lacked depth and dimension, they just flat out lacked character. The adults on the other hand were frantic and kind of over the top camp which was distracting. Seeing Billy Butcherson was cool, his costume was mostly well done, although his part felt mostly like filler.
I think if anything I'm put off by the fact that there was no real magic here, no evil doings or the like. Sure the Sanderson sisters had the intent but overall the most they do is hypnotize a crowd into dancing... Nothing else, not to commit acts of terror or anything that would make sense, just have them dance in unison. There's no kidnapped children, or suspenful chase, and the ending is really emotional and out of the blue. These are witches, they were in hell for several hundred years and worshipped the devil, where was the wickedness?? What in this movie strikes fear and suspense for children? That is after all part of what makes Halloween fun.
I wish they had stuck with the kids in the beginning instead, an origin film might've actually been more entertaining and those three kids were really good actresses. This movie might entertain tweens and give some a dose of nostalgia, but for me it's an underwhelming misstep.
Housing Complex C (2022)
Pass
Well it's anime, it's every bit as nauseating, childish and lame as you would expect it to be. I had some hope for it because I have seen decent horror series from Japan in the 90's and 2000's (think Pet Shop of Horrors, Blood the Last Vampire). I personally believe over dramatized reactions and squeaky girl voices have ruined anime, sadly this series is no exception. And no, I don't think a Japanese dub would have improved upon this, it is fundamentally flawed in the story and the characters themselves. A whiny Japanese girl is just as bad as an English one. The horror elements fail to impress, they're crudely drawn and actually make me laugh, there's no suspense, just a lot of little girls squealing and being obnoxious. Similar to Korean dramas the tone is literally all over the place and ruins the mood completely. If you're not an anime fan this is definitely a hard pass, there's nothing of substance here.
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)
Needs more oomph
This is a good movie but falls short of being great. I have yet to read the novel so I'm not able to draw any comparisons between the two. I can say that the atmosphere was decent, the swamp feels isolating yet inviting at the same time, like a living character in and of itself. Set design and cinematography was good. Dialogue was definitely lacking and at times the romantic moments felt hallmark-esque and bordered on being cheesey. I also didn't really feel afraid for the protagonist in moments in which I imagine I was supposed to. They didn't push the danger and the violence very far, it lacked any real suspense. Likewise, what takes place in the courtroom wasn't compelling. The arguments were weak, I could see the trajectory from the outset. I wanted to feel scared on Kaia's behalf, I wanted to feel more than simply sorry for her. I'm not sure if this is a character development issue or what, but things felt rather one note and drawn out. I have to say if the film didn't end in the way it did I would've easily dropped my rating to a five or a four, I'm glad it at least came full circle but I wasn't exactly surprised or anything. I really felt like there was going to be more mystery regarding the murder, more suspects/leads, more suspense, more questions, but it ended up being about the protagonist and the slander against her which wasn't very interesting.
The Princess (2022)
Difficult watch
To start, yes there is a lot of low quality clips and much of what you see here has been in previous documentaries, however, it's not exactly possible to improve video quality from thirty years ago so you shouldn't judge it based on today's standards, that's just stupid. As for it "being done before" it's important to note that many docs fall to the wayside over the years and become difficult to track down, so there will always be new editions for every generation so long as Diana stays relevant.
I found this to be an interesting watch. There is no narrative, at least not in a literal sense, but there is an obvious angle to the documentary. Not all the information is presented, some parts of the clips shown are deliberately edited to enhance mood or atmosphere, like painting the prince or princess in a certain light. That being said, it's surprisingly unbiased, there was a lot of uncomfortable dialogue from interviews with citizens or journalists who were for or against Princess Diana. It was quite polarized The worst was the paparazzi. This documentary solidified my assumption that the paparazzi were as bad as everyone made them out be. The way they talked about her was disgusting, like she wasn't even a human being. They harassed her to the point of breaking her spirit. If she resisted them she was called a f---ing b----, if she dared played along and smiled or engaged with them they had the audacity to call her a mediawhore. It's like victim blaming after a rape, and it is extremely uncomfortable to watch.
I was also surprised to see so many people given a platform to speak out against her and say such repulsive things. I guess the bar was set incredibly low for journalistic integrity in the UK in the 80's and 90's. Journalists were given the opportunity to voice pointless, unfounded arguments which often ended up in childish name calling (?!).
The truth was that Diana was an unusual woman. Her humanitarian efforts were commendable, she did more than any of the other Royal family were willing to do at the time. Yes her marriage was on the rocks from the outset. Interviews with Charles have spelled out the truth from the begginning. I don't think he ever truly deceived Diana, but I believe she had trouble accepting and facing the truth and thought, like many women, that she could change him. It was cruel to expect her to just face up and deal with the situation and take it in stride. Blasting her for having mental health crises was just stigmatizing mental illness and it's part and parcel to the incredibly prejudiced attitudes of the time (which sadly still persist to this day). She was not a saint and that is not why people still talk about her to this day, she was representative of a hope for a future that really we will never know.
I recommend this doc but it is difficult at times to watch.
Red Rose (2022)
Blah YA horror
Obviously intended for a much younger audience, nothing of value if you're over the age of twenty. Rather dull series that's more about tween relationship drama than horror. Any of the horror elements feel really cheaply done, suspense is minimal, story is really predictable. I can't believe people have somehow related this to Black Mirror or Derry Girls (?!) Where do they get off?
Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)
Not as funny or interesting as film buffs want you to think
This movie gets tossed around a lot in conversations amongst horror/sci fi film geeks. I've been told for years that it's a must see, but it really isn't. Maybe this was super kitsch and funny back when it was made, maybe even a few decades afterwards, but by today's standards it's just hopelessly boring. I didn't even chuckle once, it just drones on. Yes the effects look like crap, so do a lot of films, yes the script is terrible but not in an entertaining way like in The Room or Miami Connection. It just plain sucks. Especially to see Bela Lugosi degraded in such a way before he dies. It's sad. Vampira looked hot at least.
The Shrink Next Door (2021)
Exhausting, long start
I noticed most people reviewing this didn't get past the first episode. I have been steadily watching the series with my husband, and although I don't love it I find myself drawn into the series for no other reason than to get to the conclusion. That being said, the journey there is an uncomfortable one.
No, this isn't a comedy, and I was actually relieved to see Will Ferrell in a role that's not a screaming man child (and I love Will Ferrell). He has great range, but oddly enough it's his comedic talents that this very program actually needs. There's altogether too much negativity. It's no spoiler to explain that the shrink, Ike, is a sociopath who manipulates his client and abandons all professionalism in pursuit to get whatever he wants out the relationship. That's the premise of the show. But, it's difficult to see why Marty's character even likes Ike. If there were some lighter, funny and touching moments, to counter all the incredibly depressing, anxiety inducing moments, then this could be a really good show. Instead it's a constant downward spiral. Have you known someone in an abusive relationship? Have you ever had to go to a dinner date with that couple? It's like that. It's like being trapped in a room with a couple in an abusive marriage and helplessly watching things go to shambles. I wish this was better because I had high hopes for the concept.
It's important to throw in the additional complaint that the timeline jumps a lot, so be prepared. You have a kind of frame narrative that puts us in the "future" (I think it's 2012) at the beginning, and the series jumps back through the 80's, 90's and 2000's. I can accept skipping a year, but the series will skip several years at random. One wonders what the hell went on during those years. Also, there's not much depth and exploration to characters like Marty's sister or Ike's wife. Ike's wife especially has me curious because she's got a front row seat to all this drama but she's hardly got any screen time?? Seems like a giant misstep, but I'll wait and see, and hope that they do more with her.
It's not terrible. They certainly do a good job of keeping you in suspense, but at times it feels like as a viewer you too are being subjected to the abuse. I'm just not sure that's a good thing.
Virtually Home (2021)
Watchable but a little boring at times
The premise of the show is simple, a couple (family or other) is presented with a virtual presentation of what their home could look like. They get two different options based off of their individual interests. Often they end up choosing a combination of both designs. They then use the brief to execute the design themselves - this surprised me as I initially thought that the designer would be guiding them through the process, but the participants are cut loose and expected to do it themselves with their limited knowledge in interior design/renovating. Some have enough money to hire someone else to do it, while other participants try to accomplish the makeover themselves. I had to cringe when one participant painted an entire wall using only a 4" roller brush, there is no practical guidance given to them, it's ridiculous.
The focus of the show is mainly on the virtual presentations, we see very little of the diy it takes to accomplish the makeover. Makeover results vary dramatically because participants are expected to execute it themselves. It's sort of humorous to see the look on the designers faces when they follow up and see how much the results differ from their original designs. The designs are predominantly very modern and minimalist. The results are interesting to see because you never know in what way participants will interpret the brief.
It really rubbed me the wrong way that in one episode a designer didn't actually give two entirely different designs but only provided one design with the mirror length tweaked. It was obvious that he wanted them to use the first design, he completely disregarded the second person's interest giving the excuse that her ideas wouldn't work in the space (her only request was bringing colour into the room).
Overall it's ok. I'd rather see more of the process than spend two thirds of an hour looking at what could be through "augmented reality".
Single All the Way (2021)
Disappointing
I was hoping maybe this would be the remedy to all the horrible Hallmark Christmas movies that are churned out every year. I thought maybe because the characters were queer that the script would be handled in a really intelligent and sensitive manner, given that there aren't many gay rom-coms on Netflix, but it was painful stereotype after stereotype as though it was written by a hetero person guessing at what being gay must be like. Some of the characters are excessively over the top. Peter's family is more like a circus of people, everyone is like a caricature. While it was nice to see a gay man come from a family that accepts him (instead of the tired old parent/child conflicts) it goes to a weird uncomfortable extreme where everyone is pawing at Peter and obsessing over him. It's actually creepy. Jennifer Coolidge is really weird in this, I don't get her. The woman who plays Peter's sister (I think it's Jennifer Robertson) looks like she's on crack, her acting is pretty atrocious and she's always over emoting and gesticulating like a crazy person. They try to make his mom funny but none of her jokes land. This is definitely more romance than comedy. There's some nice moments between Peter and Nick, or Peter and James. Nick is the most natural out of any of the cast, all of his dialogue feels organic, he feels like a real guy you would know. The fact that James is presented as the perfect guy is cliched, I wish there was more to him. For the run time on this I wish they had spent more time letting relationships bubble, and allow us to experience the character's growth. There's entirely too much time spent on the family's shenanigans. And to echo other sentiments already offered here, the trajectory of this story is plain as day, it's sadly predictable.
Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
Boring, poorly written
Hughes script fails to capture the magic and heart of the original Miracle on 34th St. Attenborough does an alright job here, and I think the little girl in this is better (in the original the child always looked angry), but everyone else in this film feels miscast. The romance between the mother and neighbor feels forced, awkward, but more importantly unbelievable. There's hardly any Christmas magic to be enjoyed because the screenplay spends too much time focussing on Cole's almost going under, and the schemey cartoon villains of Shopping Express or whatever cheesey name they assigned the competitor. In the original film there's more emphasis on building relationships and growing as individuals, and the court scene was pure genius. Here it's all slap dash, thrown together in a really lazy way. I don't get why some people love this movie. I honestly think it's because they've not taken time to view the original, which is a damn shame.
This movie is Hallmark bad.
4 stars go to the actors who actually did ok, too bad it's not enough to make this a classic.
8-Bit Christmas (2021)
Could've been better
I suppose this movie was intended to pull the nostalgic heartstrings of Gen Y while they watch it with their kids, but it missed the mark as either a movie about gaming or the 80's. I truly expected this film to be saturated in 80's culture and it was something of a let down.
My husband first noticed that the film had opened with a weird, wishy washy muted colour palette, so he was expecting it to jump into the rad day-glo colours of the 80's once the flashback ensued, but it didn't. There was hardly any vibrancy to this film. Set design was sort of 80's, sort of not, costumery was generic minus a pair of old school gloves and boots. The 80's music selection was comprised of maybe four songs that didn't really fit, and Animation's "Obsession" is played into the ground for comedic effect (it was Fashion Television's theme here in Canada, but anywhere else it's pretty much about sex, kinda weird to play it for a kid wearing boots lol). That's not even getting around to the NES portion of the film, which equally disappoints. It's remastered graphics and fake games were a huge let down!
I grew up on a myriad of consoles so I was drawn to the film for the gaming aspect and what you get is not what we grew up on. It's kind of a slap in the face, really, because they baited us with the promise of 80's gaming culture and what we got could've honestly been any hot toy from any previous decade.
Does the film borrow elements/formula from A Christmas Story? Yes. Do I care? Hardly because I find this more digestible than that movie. It's a cute kids Christmas movie with a moving conclusion. But it should've been way funnier, had the atmosphere of Christmas in the 80's, and actually related to the NES and what it was to be a child gamer in the 80's.
Sort Of (2021)
It's ok
I really like Sabi's character and it's great to see such a diverse cast. Unfortunately the series does not pack as many laughs as I had hoped, and I find all the extra characters too, well, extra. Most of the characters are one dimensional, and there really isn't much to their dialogue (other than shouting a lot). I feel like they all have the same disagreements over and over again, and a lot of the queer culture jokes/references feel like they're shoe horned into the scrip - it comes across at times as forced and inorganic. I really dislike King's character, but I'm pretty sure that's intentional so I'm not holding that against the show. I just wish it would have been funnier, especially to counter the more tense and awkward situations between characters, because there are long lags between jokes which leaves the series feeling claustrophobic. I don't think it's a bad show, it's definitely worth a watch, but it wasn't what I was personally expecting and if they go in for a second season I hope they push things further and get a better comedic writer on board to help really make these characters shine.
The Night House (2020)
Good suspense, bad ending
This review is for people who either have seen the movie or don't care to and want the gist.
A formerly depressed protagonist has just lost her husband to suicide. She continues to live in their shared home and witnesses paranormal activity (or maybe it's just a dream, who knows). She has a very dreary view on life and death because she once clinically died for four minutes and felt "nothing" which depressed her terribly. She believes her depression made her husband depressed and caused his suicide. Later she determines he has lead a secret life sleeping with women who look like her, in a house he built to look like the reverse of their's. Weird. Then later still, she determines he has murdered those women. In a fit of despair she begs the ghost she believes to be her husband to come to her and comfort her in her time of need (one would imagine this is the last thing anyone would actually want... He was murdering women who looked like the protagonist after all... So yeah, that's different). The ghost actually turns out to be a demonic entity which was the "nothing" that the protagonist faced when she clinically died. It is massively butthurt that she survived, even though it's apparently been years or something since the accident. It decides to possess the protagonist's husband in a bid to get her killed so that the Nothing can reclaim her. The husband tricks the Nothing by killing women that look like his wife in the reverse house. Apparently the Nothing is stupid and couldn't tell the difference between houses or women, even after like twenty women are killed. Eventually the husband kills himself to protect his wife... But the Nothing gains control over her anyways and convinces her to almost kill herself.
Think for a moment: The Nothing manages to possess her, beat her to an inch of her life and, not force her, but almost convince her to kill herself.
So the Nothing literally didn't need the husband AT ALL.
The actress was great and the suspense was good, until the story became terribly flawed and stupid. I would've preferred she discovered his double life was really weird and creepy and leave it at that. I honestly thought she was going to find the house with corpses and one victim left alive, and that the house would be booby trapped, or like some intricate maze, filled with puzzles, where she has to rescue the last victim. But no, we got this. As soon as ghosts entered the equation I knew it was downhill from therein. It only gets five stars for the actress and the funky "The Haunting" (1999) style distorting house effects, which is always fun to look at.
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019)
Weird and boring
This was just brutal. As others have noted, it's a film about personal growth, focusing on the psychological, introspective journey of a journalist named Lloyd who has daddy problems. It uses Mr. Rogers and his universe as a springboard to explore the challenges Lloyd faces as an adult in his relationships. Lloyd is super annoying and weak and you just want him to go away. The fantasy elements in this film are at times heavy handed and completely unnecessary. Then there are cringey moments where they really try to remind you that this is a movie about Mr. Rogers... even though it definitely isn't, it's about Fred Rogers trying to counsel a clueless Lloyd. Yay.
Supernova (2020)
Missed the mark for me
It's a beautiful love story, great chemistry between the actors, but the script left a lot to be desired. I think what I struggled with most is how subtle Tusker's struggle was. I had just watched Anthony Hopkins in The Father several months back, it's an incredible but difficult film to watch, it captures the struggle of dementia through both the patient and their family perfectly. I assumed that Tusker's character, having been diagnosed with early onset dementia, would be either already suffering from the disease (as in The Father) or progressively worsening, but he's neither really. The bulk of his struggles apparently take place off screen? All we see is one or two speech fumbles, forgetting where his glasses are, and losing his ability to write words. In person, when socializing, he's articulate, funny, he looks sharp as a tack. When he says one or two random things it seems more like he's making a joke than someone straining for the correct words or making a mistake. Early onset dementia is devastating and this film unfortunately failed to convey that in a precise way. I mean, if you were never explicitly told Tusker had dementia, you might think he had cancer or some other terminally ill diagnosis. All in all, this feels more like an end of life, dying with dignity film and not one that addresses dementia specifically. It's not at all bad, just not what I expected.
Mysterious Ways (2000)
Bad writing
While the premise of this show is good and has potential (an anthropology professor studying unexplained phenomena) the execution is brutal. It suffers mostly due to poor writing and a complete lack of scientific understanding. A lot of people try to relate this show to X-files, which it really isn't. Maybe because there are supernatural elements but that's where the comparison ends. At least X-Files tries to present believable science, but this show is all about conveniences. Like how conveniently Miranda is capable of handling anything research related. Conveniently she has access to a myriad of labs, documents, tools - many of which made up compeletly so as to provide an immediate solution to whatever problem she faces - why? Because she's hyper intelligent! And that's the only excuse we get, she specializes in everything...and yet somehow she's still just a graduate student and not employed by the FBI. Likewise, conveniently Peggy, a psychiatrist employed by the hospital, can do whatever she pleases: accessing private files, sharing patient information, providing unsolicited counseling, or carrying on unprofessional external relationships with patients - all things that would not only get her canned in real life but would have her barred from practicing psychiatry ever again. Or how Declan, the professor, can waltz in and out of restricted areas in the school and hospital, and can leave campus during school hours with a mere slap on the wrist from his superiors. I haven't even actually gotten to the science yet! These are just the enormous holes in the overall story arc of the series.
Each episode presents what they like to call "miracles" and the term doesn't real suit a lot of what takes place in the series... Mysteries would've been more accurate. A few of the episodes are religious, but not the entire series as some reviewers have been mistakenly saying. Each episode provides several terribly conceived theories to explain away something perceived as supernatural, but it always ends with a "twist" that implies that the supernatural occurrence must really be supernatural (this wears thin quickly). The worst episode, and you may stop reading now if you wish, is where a teenage boy avenges the gangland murder of his younger brother, where, despite being a high school drop out, he devises a complicated plan to deceive his entire community and church congregation into believing in the miracle of God. He somehow manages to capture the blood of his dying brother (regardless of time and trauma) pours it into a red wax pill cap (knowing enough beforehand to dilute it with olive oil, and prevent coagulation with acetaminophen), he then stuffs it into a stained glass window of the Virgin Mary so that she cries tears of blood whenever the window heats up in the sunlight. Forget the weeping Virgin Mary, it's more unbelievable to me that a street kid could even pull such a thing off in the first place!
That's this entire series in a nutshell, just a load of outlandish nonsense and lazy writing. You have to be insanely naive to accept these theories and explanations. I have only given this show four stars because Adrian Pasdar has a tight butt.
The Mitchells vs the Machines (2021)
Good for families and young people
Bad for adults without kids: the pace is like a sugar filled toddler bouncing off the walls and feels like you're stuck in endless loop of bad Instagram stories. I don't give a damn for memes, gifs, or terrible music remixed by Rihanna making it equally terrible. All that being said, it hits its target audience perfectly! Gen Z will fall in love with it's hyper active antics, over the top voice talents, and action packed (albeit terribly cliched) storyline. It's not very original from either a sci fi adventure or coming of age perspective. The going away to college/family tension story arc was predictable. I don't understand why it's always gotta be the dad who doesn't "get" or support his kid, where are all the awesome dads in these films? Also, I really wish that story tellers would endeavor to teach our future generations that education isn't everything and you won't always get the job that you go to school for. I realize most will scoff at it, but the dad encouraging his daughter to have a back up plan should've been more than just his disbelief in what she does. This should've been discussed further as a family unit, to demonstrate the realities of post secondary education and life itself. It wouldn't have hurt for both parents to say, "yeah, you like to make movies, and we hope you're successful at it, but if it doesn't pan out *we're* here for you." Instead kids will think parents just plain don't "believe in them" when they say they want to grow up to be professional TikTok influencers... It's clear the filmmakers just wanted to make a fun, cutesy, geeky movie for Gen Z, but I wish they had given more depth and a stronger message behind all the fun.
Assembly Required (2021)
It's ok
I wish I could've seen what this show would've been like had the pandemic not thrown a wrench into filming. It suffers as a result of filming restrictions as contestants are filmed at home which gives it a YouTube-y vibe. The show itself is like a mash up of other shows. History's Forged in Fire is a clear inspiration here as the format is similar (build something, eliminate, build something, run it through several tests, choose a winner). I think the problem with having builders make "x" is that it isn't really highlighting their individual capabilities, they all have vastly different backgrounds. Unlike Forged in Fire contestants who are all blacksmiths, these contestants are more like prop builders, furniture builders, blacksmiths; it's quite varied and I think that's why the results are so mixed and underwhelming. They either need challenges that work to everyone's strengths or they need to cast contestants that are more similar in experience. I'm not saying this in defense of "fairness" I'm saying it because it makes for better television. In this case we had a guy who didn't know how to build a fire extinguisher, and two other guys who made suped up flame throwing leaf blowers that only just accomplished what they were intended for. It sounds good on paper but in reality it wasn't very interesting at all.
They try to shoehorn in a lot of Home Improvement references, more power, grunting etc. They even have a Heidi, I kid you not. It's nice to have a nod but at the end of the day these are real people, not characters from a tv show and I'd rather see them be themselves. I love Richard Karn, he has a natural affinity for hosting and I sincerely hope he has several more hosting opportunities in the future. He's fun to watch. I'd love to see him on HGTV instead of the garbage hosts they've had in the last ten years. He's a warm hearted, genuine guy and basically carries this show. Allen seems uncomfortable in his role here, he looks tired. I think they even splice in shots of him smiling and laughing when he actually isn't in real time because he looks bored when interacting with contestants. While Karn's jokes seem authentic, a lot of what Tim says feels scripted. The chemistry isn't quite right.
I'm hopeful that the show might improve the second time around, but to be honest, I think I would've preferred to see Tim and Richard building things themselves and teaching people how to build things for their homes, like hacks to make life easier in post pandemic life, instead of having another maker showdown series.
The Mortuary Collection (2019)
Boring, stupid
I only reserve one star for the worst, obviously, this film is absolute crap. Just a handful of really poorly written, not at all scary stories with predictable moral commentaries. Has a weird goosebumps vibe to it with childish colors and a whimsical film score that feels compeletly out of place. It heavily verges on camp, and perhaps if the screenplay writer(s) had leaned into that the film might be enjoyable, instead it feels like a complete waste of time.
Ghosts (2019)
Boring
I normally love British comedy but this is a total flop. Despite being geared towards adults there's nothing so outrageously silly and vulgar to earn it that designation, unless the guy without pants is really supposed to be that funny (?). It's actually quite Pollyanna and has a Disneyesque quality about it. Everything is too nice and clean cut for a show about dead people. I didn't laugh out loud once, nor did my partner, which is a shame considering there are some recognizable casts members here who I've seen in other better programs. With so many co creators on board for this show, I'm astounded that not one of them could come up with a single worthwhile joke. Hard pass.
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992)
Kind of silly
There's no real suspense when the plot summary gives most of the movie away. I would've preferred to have the nanny's origins a mystery as opposed to literally learning everything from the beginning of the movie. We know she's going to do bad things and none of it is surprising. What is surprising to me is that, being the widow of a monstrous human being, nobody would know her and her face would somehow not be plastered all over the news. Also that a woman needs a live in nanny when she really only needs her during the day (?) and that the mother is literally open to her every suggestion, without question. How on earth did they build up trust so quickly over such a short time period? Like the nanny is in her room watching the mom in her lingerie within a day of employment? It lacks believability. This is almost Hallmark bad. Might be worth a watch if you're bored and nothing else is on, but don't go out of your way to see it.