Change Your Image
edwardrevans
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity (1987)
I think this is the work of some teenage lads
This movie has zero plot and is just mere titillation for the late night b-movie fan. I honestly don't know where to start as i saw it promoted on plex and i do like strange films cause every now and again you find a gem this is not it. Slave Girls from beyond infinity is not even one would class as soft-core porn it's just three attractive young ladies who have very little acting credits to there resume running around a planetary forest in bikinis. There is no story per-say as characters are just thrown into the movie to spend some of the budget no backstory to a single character at all. Terrible.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Got Ridley written all over it
A slow start just like the 1st in the series it picks up after about 45mins, I have seen David Jonsson in an Agatha Christie remake and didn't realise it at first until he started to act. Now i like to be fair but to be frank he turned in the same style of acting in that TV movie as he did here, all moody and pondering, maybe that's his style. The cast in itself is awfully young which I thought wouldn't work but the script until the end carried them except at the end when Kay was transporting material back to Weyland, this didn't make sense surely you would want to destroy that stuff. Romulus is far better that Promethus as that was up it's on provable and added zero to the series, we now what we had before Humans v Alien(s).
Longest Third Date (2023)
You will be rooting for them from the start
The Longest third date is a documentary come true life story of two singletons who like most modern singles conduct their dating lives through an app. The two agree to meet for a couple of dates and get on quite well but without any real chemistry or spark. Arranging a third date with a quick trip to Costa Rica they both find themselves stuck in each others company just as the global Covid 19 lockdown starts for a total of 78 days. Matt is a vlogger so what we see her is the two singletons been forced to live together not knowing much about each other they try and amuse themselves and discover each other as they are stuck together when they may have just naturally parted. This is a beautiful love story which if it wasn't true you would think it was some sort of Hollywood story.
I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)
Orignal director returns to this mess of a movie.
Meir Zarchi is back to his most infamous film that was banned for many years I Spit on your Grave. Jennifer is no much older with a daughter and is enjoying a quiet life in her senior years when relatives from the original movie find her to reek revenge on her for slaying their family members. The film is massively too long and devoid of any meaningful plot and the effects are very very amateurish, such as when the decapitated head of Jennifer Hills is thrown towards the church doors, we can all see it is a dummy's head, and why kill off the heroine from the original film just for shock value ? The movie is over 2 hours long and could easily be paired back to 90mins.
I Spit on Your Grave (2010)
Seen this and the 1978 Original
I remember watching the news in 1983 when this was banned and too my surprise it was release several years later so ones curiosity gets the best of you as if it is banned then why and i want to see it to make a judgement for myself. Unlike the 2010 version the original 1978 is poorly acted and the sound is incoherent at times which in a film dialogue is important. Times have moved on and the 2010 version of ISOYG is more professionally shot and the sound quality and dialogue have improved and for me this version is more brutal especially when it comes to dispatching the rapists. You really root for Jenifer and want the revenge on the male characters to bit fitting, such as having crows peck the eyes of Stanley the cameraman, he is a voyeur as well as a rapist so it seems fitting that he is dispatched in this fashion. It is a tough watch to be honest and not for the faint hearted.
Secuestro del vuelo 601 (2024)
Overly long
This drama started really well only for it to fissile out at episode 4 when the focus of the episode was on the Hi-jackers themselves. So here we have a drama of a dramatic real life hi-jacking of a plane in the early 70's the mistake of this drama was the story order as the focus of episode 4 should have been at the start i.e episode 1. To shovel in the back story halfway through the series considering you are telling a real life event only leads to confusion and disengagement on the viewer. So with Ep 4 out of the way the story gets back on track somewhat but seems by episode 6 it has become too over dramatic and too much poetic license has been used, the over use of swearing too (and I don't mind bad language) was not necessary I would have scored this higher if it was shorter as the acting was very good. .
The First Omen (2024)
Predictable and not as scary as The Omen
Just watched this today, and i figured where the story was going from the outset as we know it is an origins tale. So this is an out and out prequel to the first and set out on who Damien came to be. Its a very slow start but you just know where the story is going, its also not as scary as The Omen the reason being the sound track. In The Omen you have more foreboding music which inself sends shivers down your spine. The film itself tries to implement the odd jump out of your seat moment but to be honest you are expecting them so they lack the element of surprise. There are however a few references to The Omen itself in a couple of scenes and the movie wraps up rather nicely at the end. It is well acted and not visually too dark which with Horror movies i dislike as i do like to see what is going on.
The Beekeeper (2024)
High body count and a fairly decent action flick
This is and out and out action flick with a very high and constant body count and a plot that slightly goes off the rails so you have to suspend belief. Essentially we have Adam Clay (Statham) who is a ghost in the system, retired until trouble comes knocking on a neighbour and friends door, so he comes out of retirement to avenge her suicide after she is defrauded by some online scammers. Now this is where I had the problem, as it transpires his friends daughter is an FBI agent who herself is torn between wanting revenge for her mothers death through what she eventually finds out who Clay is but also hunts him down to stop him. Putting that quandary aside (though it did bother me) the movie quickly marches on with everyone getting involved from the police to the FBI, hired mercenaries and even members from his secret organisation but why, well it becomes fairly obvious someone is that they all are trying to protect someone at the very top i.e the President. Statham does these movies very well especially the fight sequences as they are very inventive, so if you just want an all out fight fest then this is for you. No doubt if this makes money we will see more of the Beekeeper.
Murder Is Easy (2023)
Murder is wooden
I spotted this on the BBC Iplayer and at first glance it looked interesting so I gave it a watch, well it was such a drag with 95% of it consisting of very wooden acting and over dramatic pauses. We have our lead character (Mr Fitzwilliam) who has just arrived in England from Nigera who bumps into an old lady on the train who just happens to be heading to Scotland Yard to report several murders. One begs to question why she can't do this locally and once she is dispatched Mr Fitzwilliam takes up the case, he has no experience of been a detective. You have to blame the directors of this story at times either pauses for thought far too often or for dramatic effect, it was like he had forgotten his lines or just looks whimsically to camera for no good reason, equally other characters were similarly afflicted by this strange affliction. We have a brief romance between Fitzwilliam and Brigit which fizzles out as soon as it starts and is merely a plot device to move the story along and is completely un-neccasasary. We also have quiet a few dream like sequences where Fitzwilliam imagines he is alone in the woods with some sort of wooden object or weapon. Staggeringly the last 10% of the drama the dialogue speed improves was this shot out of order? I would do you self a favour and avoid this like the plague. I won't give it away but you would never guess who the murderer is as there are zero clues along the way and the main culprit is barely in it.
Next Goal Wins (2023)
A hidden comedy gem
Just saw this and didn't know anything about the true story it was based on and enjoyed it immensely as there are plenty of gags even the visual ones that you may not notice, you know what i mean if you spot the falling coconuts joke. Based on true events that most of us may have even forgotten about or not even remember we have the story of a small island nation of American Samoa who have a population of under 60000 who were drubbed 31 - 0 in the world cup qualifiers of 2001. This result was the biggest ever defeat in the history of the international game and the national federation set about to try and rectify this by hiring an international coach. A wholesome movie with a feel good effect as you will truly be rooting for them. Wait till the end of the credits for an extra joke which in itself was very funny.
Saw X (2023)
Tobin Bell steals the show finally we get a movie about Jigsaw
Just seen the 10th addition in the long running Saw franchise and this one is head and shoulders above the rest. The acting by Tobin himself as a dying John Kramer is exceptional and i kid you not his performance alone if the movie wasn't in the horror genre is worthy an oscar . Tobins portrayal of a frail dying old man is brilliant, and this role stretches his acting abilities. The focus on this movie is John getting retribution on a bunch of scam artists who offered him hope of a cure down in Mexico only for the operation to be a fake and the scammers and fleece him and others of $250K. So Saw X is light on traps but that doesn't matter as here we have a story and it's nice to see Amanda Young back with a bigger role in the movie and you must and i mean must stay for the end credits to see a brilliant twist and reveal. Saw X visually is not as dark as the others that proceeded it and i liked that as watching a movie is a visual experience and most horror movies are set in the dark which kind of for me loose that visual appeal. The set up i strongly believe is set for SAW XI and hopefully we will not have to wait to long for it.
Wifelike (2022)
Wooden
The acting in this movie is extremely wooden and the dialogue seems un-natural the only outstanding performance is from Elena Kampouris who plays the part of Meredith. She plays the part of essentially a female robot companion which is very believable as she reacts and talks like one. The issue i had with this is the tone of Jonathan Rhys Meyers who played the male lead William his voice didn't change tone or level throughout the whole movie and was very monotone, the dialogue too between him and Doron Bell seemed very amature. Very predictable too you could see where the movie was heading from the start as this sort of thing has been done much better in Ex-Machina.
A Perfect Getaway (2009)
A bit obvious
Generally an okish movie but i have seen this kind of thing before and it reminded me of a much older film called Deadly Pursuit. A Perfect Getaway has a very small cast and is a tight production but i figured out what was going on fairly early in the movie. I do like a film with Timothy Olyphant in it as i consider him a very good actor. So we have a story here of a newly married couple on their Homeymoon in Hawaii whilst there there is also a killer couple on the Islands pursuing them and other couples as well. Everyone they encounter could be the killers and as time goes on they become even more paranoid and twitchy. The final act of the film brings things back together as events are shown in flashback but as i stated earlier it was ver predictable.
Barbie (2023)
Good but not for under 12's
I saw this movie tonight and it was very entertaining but if your a parent and have young Children THEY WILL GET BORED as this is not a kids movie, it is on a higher intellectual plain than that. You could honestly say this is a movie for feminists, now thats not a bad thing as I saw it with my daughter and have always encouraged her to be whoever she wanted to be and played with Barbie when she was young (she's 23 now) .
This movie has it's moments of comedy and is well done especially when in the Barbie world and has been well thought out and written. Cast very well as the two leads carry the movie and i'm sure there will be a sequel. But remember this is not a KIDS movie.
Dog Years (2017)
Unbelievable performance from Burt
The Last Movie star is by far Burts best performance and i have seen a lot of his films. Watching this movie you can honestly believe he is not even acting but just been himself and reflecting on his life and career. This movie is truly touching piece of work, Bruce is old and frail and it is very humbling to see bruce as he is now and remembering what a box office star he was, I cannot honestly think of anyone else who could have done this film justice. The clever inserts of Bruce now and bruce then in the likes of Smokey and the Bandit and Deliverance (another of his great films) is very well done. The Last movie star is both a happy movie and a sad one all rolled into one. This is a brilliant epitaph to a movie screen legend.
Death Ship (1980)
Very dated
Considering your modern day Horror is miles better than this, I compared it to the Film Triangle which is a much overlooked classic and much better. The unfortunate thing with Death Ship is that it is poorly acted and with a poor script and lacklustre plot.
A luxury ship collides with an abandoned vessel which as the story progresses belonged to the Nazis it's use is flimsy that it was possibly used as some sort of torture vessel. What drew me to this movie was i remembered the box art from my youth and that pulled me in when i saw that i could watch it on prime. It's got a couple of famous actors in it and it just B movie fare i wouldn't bother to be honest.
Buddy Games (2019)
If only i could give it zero
OMG, this is by far the worst "comedy" i have ever seen, it's not in the slightest funny and i would say a poor mans Jackass. Frankly there is not even an element of a story here just six so called friends and you wouldn't want friends like this participating in stupid stunts. The characters are forgettable we know very little about them or their backstory. Thank goodness i watched it on a streaming service for free there is zero redeeming qualities about it. One stunt in particular is so implausible which is where the guys have to pick up ladies in a night club and not only get the ladies to buy them a drink and give them a kiss right after the guys have downed a packet of laxatives each. How this got green lit i do not know do yourself a favour and don't waste 90mins of your time on this drivel.
Psycho (1998)
Ok it's nearly shot for shot
Whilst mostly a shot for shot remake it has it's merits and is a decent effort. Vince Vaughn does a decent job of playing Norman Bates. So i have seen the original and it's a classic the remake is a noble homage to Hitchcocks original. Set in.the modern era the ending is someone different whereas here it explains what has become of norman and his motives for doing so. The suspense is there as in original the problem some may have is that this story has been told before and is know to the viewer so the shock value is lost. If this was an original piece of work then like its predecessor it could be considered a classic.
Kull the Conqueror (1997)
Poor mans Conan
We have seen this type of movie before but done way better such as Krull, Conan and the Sword in the stone. Very predictable and boring and looks alot older than it actually is. There is no real plot here and one thinks the studio were hoping this could be the start of something new.
Black Rock (2012)
Implausible in most parts
Not to give too much away the film has some little promise but the way the female characters try to escape the male characters is not plausible. For instance if you are trying to sneak off an island in the dead of night you are going to do it quietly not screaming at the top of your voice. Your male characters are soldiers who seem to get picked off quite easily and even though armed to the teeth and all the females have is a small penknife Why are the males on a very small island we are informed their initial reason for been on there is to hunt, Hunt what ? The maps that the girls carry are bone dry even though they have been up to their necks in the sea.
Would You Rather (2012)
A hidden Gem
If you have Netflix then you may find this on there like the film Triangle this is a low budget Gem of a film. Based on a party game but notched up 11 you have a dinner party who are playing an extreme version of party games or face a forfeit.
Choose or Die (2022)
A film not of it's time
I think this would have been relevant back in the 80's but now it's very lost on the modern audience. Unlike Jumaji which introduced us to an old console and a vintage game this kind of circumvents that. The plot is utter nonsense and is of the straight to DVD fair.
Old (2021)
Slow and tedious at start but worth the reveal
I was getting kind of bored with this halfway through as it was making no sense and too many characters for me, but at the end when we get the big payoff it all made sense. For me the story could have been done better but its still worth a 6/10.
The Tinder Swindler (2022)
Modern day catch me if you can
Just finished watching this and this documentary is an amazing story with twists and turns on how one individual can play multiple people at the same time. Another gem from Netflix this documentary like Tiger King is compulsive viewing. When the dust settles what I would like to see is a follow up on why Simon did what he did, one can guess it was because of his origins truly fascinating and an eye opener to those who are looking for a soulmate.
Scream (2022)
Long time fan of the Franchise But
Took my 21 year old daughter ti see this as we both love this type of movie and she has seen the previous 4. The irony in this is that she wasn't born when the original movie first came round. For me this is a goodbye to the Franchise and is the poorest of the lot I can't say too much as it will give everything away. The older characters are mere Cameos and add nothing to the story ok, they are in it but not that much. Scream 2022 is self referential and self mocking and observant of the youth of today but that's it. The franchise is now wrung dry and for me it's done.