MarkyMarkus

The Predator (2018)

It's time to stop trying to bring back Predator.

Oh boy, what a load of crap this movie is.

I don't know where to begin with why this movie fails horribly. It's just a huge mess through and through. There is not one thing I liked about the movie, not one.

The story and the pacing was atrocious. It moves from location to location in such a nonsensical manner that you don't really understand how much time has passed or where they are. You are just along for the ride, and man did I want off this ride. In fact, I could have sworn over 2 hours had passed only to look at my phone and realize it had only been an hour and a half.

The characters leave a lot to be desired. At worst they are forgettable, at worst I was rooting for them to just die already. I remember when watching the original and thought to myself how the movie was missing a subplot about a child dealing with autism and becoming closer to his father, thankfully they fixed that and added it to this movie. Seriously though, aside from how patronizing the whole movie is to people dealing with Autism, it is just a very strange subplot for this kind of movie.

The action is OK sometimes, but it feels almost like I am watching a slapstick routine half the time. The predators themselves no longer worry about stealth or tactics, they are just invincible killing machines. the group of ex military dudes just act like buffoons. If you really must watch it, just wait till you can stream it or rent it from redbox. This movie does not deserve to succeed.

Trolland (2016)

1/10 is too high. This deserves a 0/10

Ugh, no effort was put into making this movie, so I will put no effort in making a review. This movie doesn't deserve a proper review. This movie is just another mockbuster by asylum that attempts to trick people into buying it. All I will say is that I have never seen a movie that had so little effort put into it. The animation is so bad that it is downright disgusting. Whatever... just avoid this movie and everything else this studio makes. If they just start making silly B movies like Sharknado, I wont have a problem, but If they insist on continuing to make mockbusters, they deserve to go out a business. Dont support them.

The Happytime Murders (2018)

Raunchy jokes+no wit+Puppet sex=A very unpleasant time at the movies

I will be upfront and blunt, I hated this movie. You would have a better time buying a hand puppet and.... um, well you know. Sorry for the crude humor, but that is literally all you get with this movie anyways, so consider that joke a good substitute for the movie.

First, the plot. It's your standard murder mystery in the style of a noire film from the 40's with a huge dosing of comedy. It involves a series of puppet murders and It takes a detective and her former puppet partner to crack the case. The movie however feels incomplete with vital scenes missing and almost no development of secondary characters. By the end I was wondering why the two were being celebrated as heroes. The audience know everything that happened, but the police force sure as hell doesn't, so they would have had them thrown in prison. I have heard people compare it to Roger Rabbit, but while that movie was actually a good murder mystery, this movie is more interested in being funny.... a shame really because it is not funny. Speaking about that... The biggest crime a comedy can commit is to not be funny, and boy does this movie need the book thrown at it. Let me be clear, I am no prude, crude humor can be great. In fact, I was hoping this movie would be like a favorite of mine, Team America, but that movie actually was a clever commentary on US foreign policy and Hollywood hidden behind some really funny, absurdist humor. This movie has none of that. All the jokes are the easiest jokes you can think of. You already know what the punchline will be before it happens. I chuckled at maybe 3 jokes, but everything else fell flatter than Kansas. They also tried to thrown in a racial prejudice allegory, but it goes absolutely nowhere. Lastly, they play Rick Astleys 'Never gonna give you up' and Carly Rae Jepsens 'Call me maybe'... that is the type of humor we are dealing with and yes, they were absolutely trying to be funny. I mean, it's totally funny that the no nonsense FBI agent is listing to a pop song. You are probably thinking, "Is there anything good about the film?" -The puppetry is good. -The two leads are alright

• the movie is 90 minutes long

Sausage Party (2016)

Crude humor and food puns only get you so far...

But put in some heavy handed social commentary and what do you get? Critical praise. *sigh* Look, I just want to say that I do not find this movie offensive in any way. My hatred for this movie has nothing to do with me being offended in any way. Oh, I am sure plenty of people will find it offensive (especially conservative religious and the overly sensitive), but I am not one of them. The only thing I find offensive is how unfunny and dull I found this movie to be. I will concede that maybe this movie was never for me. Seth Rogan tends to be hit or miss for me, and his hits usually work for me because of the other actors. This is shock humour: the movie, and frankly, it doesn't even do that right. LOL, another food pun/sex joke, and don't forget to drop plenty of F-bombs. That is the extent of the comedy. For f*cks sake, you can do better than that. South Park and Team America come to mind. No, this movie is bottom of the barrel type humour. I laughed at one joke, and it was about Sauerkraut wanting to exterminate juice. That was all. This movie is cinematic diarrhea.

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (2010)

Vastly overrated by the adult fans

As a kid show, this is actually pretty good. It has everything you could want for your kids. That's not what I am here to talk about though because of the vast amount of praise this show gets from the adult fanbase. I want to talk about how it does for a show for adults. Frankly, there is nothing there. Story: What you would expect from a show like this. An episodic show about 5 young ponies learning life lessons through adventure or just daily events. Nothing too amazing. The life lessons which bronies love to talk about are really simple. If you are above 12 and still need to be reminded of those things, that is really sad. Animation: it's is average at best. It is admittedly cute and fine for young kids, but God help me if I hear one more brony say it's the best TV animation. It really isn't. Compared to TV shows like Sound!Euphonium, Hyouka, or Fate/Zero to name a few, it is incredible how they even try to say that. Compared to American TV animation (especially korra and Avatar) it is at the lower end of the spectrum. I won't say it's bad because it's does nothing wrong, but it is very simplistic and unworthy or praise. This actually bothers me more than the any other claim. It does a huge disservice to much better studios when you say that about MLP. It's a flash animated cartoon for Christ sake. Characters: Defined by one trait. You have the bookworm, jock, country hic, crazy one, shy one, snob. Really doesn't go much deeper than that.

I don't really want to dwell much longer on this, so I will just say this. It's probably not worth your time.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

I just didn't have much fun with this movie.

I really wanted to like this movie, but it just felt so bland. The jokes for me fell flat more often than not. The only one that got a chuckle out of me was the running gag with Cap and bad words. I just can't stand the constant barrage of jokes, there is a time and place for humor, but not during intense struggles against a deadly villain. Why should I care about the danger when the characters clearly don't. To be fair, I thought Guardians was pretty great because it was so funny, but maybe its because the jokes were actually funny.

The pacing was just horrible, I was bored for a good chunk of the movie. The movie would slow down for no reason at all and it really tried its hardest to justify the weird and out of nowhere love between Black Widow and Hulk. It also touched on the subject of Hawkeye maybe being too sub par to keep up with the avengers, but what about Black Widow? As far as the MCU has shown, black widow is not exactly superhuman, at least no more than Hawkeye, so why is that needed? The movie would try to touch on more serious subjects, but it would just forget about it in seconds because the jokes needed to start again. Ugh.

Akame ga Kill! (2014)

A tonal mess...

This anime doesn't know what it is. It takes the most cliché aspects of a lighthearted shonen and a gore fest and mashes them together in a way that feels awkward.

Pros: great OPs -Esdeath - No plot armor. its not a matter of if a character will die, but when.

Cons: -the show constantly goes from super serious death to lousy comedy in mere seconds making the drama feel cheap. -The ending....The last 6 episodes... Its really rushed, full of plot holes, and just a clumsy mess. -Characters are sometimes offered no time to develop and are simply killed for the sake of drama.

I can't really recommend this show because no matter what you are looking for, there is an anime that does it better, which isn't to say this show really does anything good. If you want a dark battle anime with great animation, just watch Fate/Zero. You want a shonen that can be silly and over the top while still having drama? Watch Gurren Lagann. Unless you really want to see it, I recommend you just skip it.

No Game, No Life (2014)

8 episodes in, but I am thoroughly impressed.

I was really surprised by this anime. I wasn't expecting much from it, but its funny and surprisingly smart. With five episodes left, unless they just completely drop the ball, this is easily is one of my favorites of this season.

So, whats it about? The anime is about a brother and sister, Sora and Shiro, who are NEETs and experts at games. I mean they are literally the best in the world. The get transported to another world where games are how everything gets done. No war, murder, crimes, just games. Naturally they fit right in.

What makes this show great is the characters. The main duo is great. They are awkward but also extremely cocky. The princess Steph is also great and its funny how the brother and sister treat her. The show has a great sense of humor and I find myself laughing pretty hard quite often.

I said it was smart. Yeah, when they play games, you can really see the gears in their heads turning, trying to figure out how to beat opponents that should be superior to them. It never feels like a dues ex machina is what finishes the game. You really feel like the are extremely smart and cunning.

At first, I wasn't digging the designs, but really quickly I warmed up to it. The style feels like fantasy meets Las Vegas, which makes sense, considering the world is based on gambling. So yeah, I really like it. The girls are also very cute and the reaction faces are great. The OP and ED are very good as well. The presentation is great.

I guess its worth mentioning that it has a decent amount of fanservice. If you don't like fanservice, I personally don't think it will be too distracting... but I'm not the best judge of that. Just try to look past it if you think it might bother you.

All in all, I really like this anime and its one of the better ones this season. Check it out!

EDIT: Follow up after seeing episode twelve. While I will still leave the score the same because my enjoyment for it never waiver, I will admit that at times it falls victim to the Gambitroulette trope. That is, it almost a bit too incredible what they can pull off. Doesn't change much though, I still really liked it.

Pâfekuto burû (1997)

Excellent psychological thriller

I am a bit late to the party with this review, its been over a decade since this movie came out... scratch that, 17 years! but after seeing it, I couldn't help but not review it. The story is about a pop idol, Mima Kirigoe, who leaves the singing bushiness to pursue acting. This move to acting and the scenes she takes part it gets her attention from her stalker. The film centers around her paranoia. Perfect Blue is a fascinating movie. You never really know what is going on nor whether or not yo can believe what you are seeing. It has this tension surrounding it that can make even the most mundane scenes seem terrifying. The violence is brutal but effective, and I can honestly say I was glued to the screen the whole time. It has almost a Hitchcock feel to it. On the technical aspects, its pretty good. The animation gets its job done, but it's nothing spectacular. The sound and music do a good job of creating tension. The dub... well, if that's the way you want to go, it's not bad. Aside from a couple awkward voice actors, most do a good job, especially the lead. This is a film that I would recommend to anyone, assuming they are OK with the more graphic scenes. It's and excellent physiological thriller that must be seen.

High School DxD (2012)

A fan service heavy anime that is actually pretty good

I wasn't too sure what to think about this show going into it. I found the plot synopsis pretty interesting so I thought I would check it surprised me in two ways. 1) the fan service was much heavier than I expected, not that I mind, but holy hell(no pun intended) I am talking tons of full frontal nudity and sexual imagery, and 2) its actually pretty good. It has an engaging plot, good characters, and comedy that extends beyond prat falls and accidental boob grabs. The story centers around Issei Hyodom, a pervert turned Devil and Rias Gremory, A voluptuous devil who is head of a prestigious family. They are solid characters who are much more than your typical harem anime archetypes. Is it the best anime out there? No, but it is a good watch that I would recommend, even if you aren't a fan of fan service. Though admittedly, If you don't like fan service, I could imagine some not liking it. I would say just try to look past it and enjoy a pretty good show.

Eiken (2003)

Terribly unfunny, disgustingly unsexy.

What really needs to be said about an ecchi harem comedy that is neither funny nor sexy? Not much, but I suppose I can elaborate more on this train wreck of an anime. I'll level with you, I don't mind fan service... scratch that, I like fan service. Even borderline hentai doesn't bother me, so it's not like I some sort of prude that can't handle some boobies in my anime. The problem with eiken is that they took the idea that "guys like big boobs" and took it to the extreme were it stops being sexy and just looks unnatural and weird. It amazes me in a show meant specifically to appease T&A lovers, I can't say I find any of them attractive at all. If the fact that the show fails horribly at its main goal isn't bad enough, it is also painfully unfunny. Unless you think blatant sexual innuendo (of the creepy kind) and Phallic imagery is comedic gold. I mean, it's not like sexual innuendo and raunchy humor can't be funny, it's just that Eiken has an uncanny ability of being a blackhole of a comedy, where not even a single joke can escape its clutches. Seriously, it is horrendously unfunny. At best, I guess you could watch this out of morbid curiosity and chuckle at how bad it fails at being funny and sexy, but if you want to just watch a decent ecchi comedy, I would recommend something like Highschool DxD or the manga Monster Musume. Both are miles ahead of this abomination.

Kiru ra kiru: KILL la KILL (2013)

Pure fun!

Being a fan of TTGL, this was a must watch for me. While it never quite reached the heights of TTGL, I can't hold it against Kill la Kill. It's a fan, action packed thrill ride that's a must see for any anime fan. It's pure unadulterated fun. The show is about a teenage girl who is looking for the murderer of her father and ends up at an academy run by a fascist student council. Students at the school, depending on their rank and club, have uniforms that grant them superhuman abilities. The the gist of it. The series has very likable characters and solid humor, though Mako can get slightly annoying at times. The animation is solid and the music is memorable. Overall the presentation is good. Some people are put off this series because of the fanservice, but trust me, it's not bad. I mean, it's not in your face, borderline erotica. It feels self aware and in on how skimpy everyone's (guys included) outfits can get. All in all, it's one of the best anime of 2013- 2014.

Erufen rîto (2004)

Flawed but ultimately a good watch

I've noticed that this anime fits into the "love it/ hate it" category. Personally I fall into the love it category. It has its problems, be it the lackluster animation and voice acting or the abrupt ending, but it overcomes that with its story that keeps you engaged the whole way through. The story is like a gruesome car wreck, It's hard to watch but you can't stop watching. What's prevalent in the story is the concept of "monsters", be it the literal monsters (diclonius), or the people whose acts are so evil, they might as well be monsters. The series is brutal and depressing and no one is spared. Though in between all the horrible things is almost what seems like a lighthearted comedy. It strange at times, but ultimately it works and makes you feel for them that much more. As I said, the presentation isn't the best. The animation and voice acting( original and dub) could have been better. The music though is spectacular. It's haunting, moving, and keeps the tension high. The intro, is easily one if the best intros in animation. It's haunting and beautiful, I'd go as far to say that it's art. all in all, I would say this series isn't for everyone, but you should probably check it out and decide whether you love it or hate it.

Gekijouban Mahou shojo Madoka magika Shinpen: Hangyaku no monogatari (2013)

A descent into madness and an exceptional continuation

I first watched this film in theaters and after receiving the bluray yesterday and after watching it a second time, I feel like I can say that this is an exceptional film. Same with before, the music is excellent and the animation is dazzling. It's avant-garde style make it really look unique, almost like an a bad LSD trip. The production values are high to say the least.

What I really like about this movie is how the main focus is on the most interesting of the magical girls in the series, Akemi Homura. I can't go into any real detail about the story other than this. It starts out in a world that is too good to be true. Then Homura starts getting suspicious of it. This movie really explores her character and never feels forced. Given her past actions and her mental state, everything she does feels organic and like a natural continuation of the series. Granted, some say the series didn't need a continuation, and in some respects they are right, but it doesn't take away from this at all.

It may not be the story you want, but at the very least, it makes perfect sense and is a great exploration into the tragic character that is Homura. It also opens the door to more entries in this series and as long as the quality stays consistent, that's not bad at all in my book.