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Reviews
No Holds Barred (1989)
A GREAT MOVIE TO WATCH...if you hate yourself.
Was someone TRYING to lose money??? First of all,Hulk Hogan couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. The script is GOD AWFUL! To be honest...this movie will actually make your I. Q. drop minute by minute...second by second. I remember watching this train wreck back in the day when it was shown after a WWF event,and even back then when I was a HUGE wrestling fan (I was NEVER A Hulk Hogan fan) I was truly EMBARRASSED for the people in this "movie" that had to WORK with Hulk Hogan. You can literally see the other actors getting WORSE scene by scene. Hogan can NOT carry a movie as the "Star" of the film. His few minutes in "Rocky III" was MORE THAN ENOUGH screen time that this dude should EVER get in a movie. Thank the LORD that I never paid one red cent to watch this guy..."act".
Toodles.
The Vampire Is Still Alive (1989)
Probably the BEST MOVIE ever put to film!!!
This is the GREATEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! The acting is PHENOMENAL...The story is INCREDIBLE...the director should have won an OSCAR...the film itself SHOULD have won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film! The English dubbing is completely FLAWLESS. This makes ROBOCOP look like it was made for ZERO DOLLARS and without ANY talent. Even the High Definition that this movie is presented in BLEW ME AWAY! I have seen this film COUNTLESS TIMES,and each time it gets better and BETTER! Oh...and the special effects...WOW!!!! If STAR WARS had the effects that THIS film had,it would have been an even MORE popular movie than it is now. I don't want to spoil anything for you...that would be a shame. Just go out and see this movie NOW!!!! You WON'T regret it.
Toodles.
Feeding Grounds (2006)
NEGATIVE A BILLION STARS!!!
If you're having trouble falling asleep...just fire up this SNOOZEFEST! This has to be one of the WORST and most BORRRRING movies I have seen in a long LONG time. By the time you are one third of the way through it,you'll think "Oh...it will probably pick up and get interesting." NOPE! THEN by the time you are HALF WAY through you'll think "OK..NOW it HAS to get better!" Nope-ity Nope Nope. I could HONESTLY get a couple of friends together for an afternoon and make a MUCH BETTER FILM on my iPhone! You think I'm KIDDING??? I'm not. Doctors should SERIOUSLY prescribe this film instead of Ambien. If I can save ONE PERSON from the TORTURE that is this film...I've done my job.
Toodles.
Strawberry Estates (1997)
This movie is not.....good.
Saying this movie is "Not Good" is an insult to movies that are not good. WOW!!! This flick is SOOOO BAD that I kept watching (for FREE thank God) to see if it could get any WORSE as it went along. Well...it did NOT disappoint! As I kept PAINFULLY watching this trainwreck of a "movie" it actually DID get worse...and worse...and WORSE. The dude who played "The Professor" was so HORRIBLE with his "acting" that it almost turned into a COMEDY! I have seen my fair share of BAD "Found Footage" movies,but this heap of garbage has to rank pretty HIGH UP on my list of one of the WORST ONES I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! Seriously people...it is a complete waste of time to sit through this one. If I have even prevented ONE PERSON from enduring the PAIN of watching this one...then my job here is complete.
Toodles.
Muck (2015)
A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!
I thought HEY! If Kane Hodder is in this flick,it's got to be HALF WAY DECENT...WRONG! This is one really...REALLY BAD MOVIE...and not in a "So bad it's good" way...it's just plain HORRIBLE! First of all,the "acting" is laughable at BEST. Secondly,the "story" takes FOREVER to get rolling,and when it does,it's BORING and not the least bit scary. Ok,we get it filmmakers...all women go into taverns,and undress in front of the mirror on a regular basis...and even the gratuitous nudity is god awful! I really wanted to LIKE this movie,but it really IS AN INSULT to horror fans EVERYWHERE! Kane Hodder MUST have REALLY NEEDED the money,but I'm disappointed that he (which was the BEST part) even signed on to this crap heap of a "movie".
Toodles.
Brimstone Incorporated (2021)
WOW! This movie is bad...REALLY REALLY BAD.
If you want a GOOD horror anthology movie...then this is NOT the movie for you! The stories not only SUCK...but they aren't the least bit scary. The "acting" is SO HORRENDOUS that it kinda turns the flick into a COMEDY! This ENTIRE movie was a complete waste of time for me,and even if it was FREE...I'll never get my precious time back. There are many many MANY better horror anthology movies out there. Even the subpar anthology movies are better than this dump of a mess. I HOPE I can spare at least ONE PERSON from watching this wretched disaster of a movie...Honestly folks...they don't come much worse than this!
Toodles.
Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness (1986)
Da da da da da da da....
I watched this movie YEARS ago...and I just watched it again yesterday. Now I can't get that THEME SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!! To be honest...this movie isn't too bad. It's one of those flicks that you can get a bunch of friends together and just have a BLAST watching it. I remember years back a buddy and I watched it,and we turned the volume off,and made up our own dialogue for the entire movie! It probably was BETTER than what was on the screen,but it was still fun watching it WITH the sound on. Is it scary? NOPE. Is the acting good? NOPE. I don't know what the appeal is...but it's just a FUN low budget horror film. It's really more FUNNY than anything else. I also like it because he drives a gold Firebird, and I have a gold Trans-Am. So long story short...I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this movie! It is MORE FUN to watch it with someone...if you're having a bad day...this movie SHOULD cheer you up!
Toodles.
Recovery (2019)
Even THREE STARS might be TOO MUCH.
I've actually been in an inpatient rehab center...and THAT was more fun than watching this SNOOZEFEST. It was filmed decently,and the acting was fine,but DEAR LORD...has this director and writer ever SEEN a quality horror flick??? This movie could have been WAYYYYYYYY better if they cranked up the suspense and horror elements. Was is SCARY? Nope. Not a bit. Was it suspenseful? Nope. Not a bit. Someone on this review thread said "Watching paint dry" would be more fun than watching this...he ain't wrong. Maybe it's just me,but all I could think of when I saw the lead actor playing the doctor was him eating the hot pepper hamburger in "Dumb and Dumber". I actually was laughing to myself every time he was on screen. I hope this review helped you out.
Toodles.
Martyrs (2015)
WHY? Just...why?
I DO LIKE some horror remakes..."Evil Dead"..."Dawn of the Dead"...even "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". But this remake is like the Disney version of the original. The other remakes I mentioned brought something NEW to the table,and were MORE INTENSE than the originals. It's like the filmmakers of this movie were like "You know everything that made the original GREAT?... Let's not do that." This version was tamed down...a LOT! On the PLUS SIDE...this version was shot very well...the acting was decent,but the story was BLAH. Sure,it's the SAME story as the original,but this one does NOT have the intensity or suspense as the original. The tagline for this should have been "Martyrs...The version for *USSY'S". Blumhouse turned this one into a "Teen Horror Movie". I just never understood WHY some people have to destroy something that should have never been touched in the first place.
Toodles.
Bad Reputation (2005)
WOW! This is one BAD...no...HORRIBLE MOVIE!
I TRIED to like it..I REALLY DID. But the "acting" I SO RANCID that I couldn't get into it in the SLIGHTEST! The woman playing the mom was laughable. I'm assuming that there were ZERO auditions for these roles. There really wasn't one likeable character in the ENTIRE movie...and yes...I made it all the way through the movie...barely. Actually,this would be a GREAT flick to watch if you get together with some friends,and just want to LAUGH YOUR BUTTS OFF! There is absolutely NO WAY you can take this flick seriously. If you are in the mood for a good "Revenge Movie"...this is NOT the one. There are many MANY more that aren't good,but WAYYYYYY BETTER than this pile of garbage. Honestly...it's not even SO BAD THAT IT'S GOOD...it's...just...bad.
Toodles.
Non aprite quella porta 3 (1990)
I wasn't aware you could make something THIS BAD.
WOW! This HAS to be one of the WORST (definitely TOP 5) of the most wretched movies I have ever had the displeasure to watch. The "acting" is SOOOOO HORRIBLE that it's darn near a comedy. The dude punching through torsos with a limp rubber glove with bouncy fingers is HILARIOUS! The filmmakers TRIED to make an "A Nightmare on Elm Street" knockoff...but they failed...OHHHHH BOY did they fail. I wouldn't even say that this "movie" is so bad it's good...it's just...plain...bad. If you are given the option to watch this "movie",or watch your grass grow for an hour and a half...I'd pick the grass option. I hope this helped you out.
Toodles.
Xanadu (1980)
I absolutely ADORE this movie!
Is it well acted? No. Is it well directed? HECK NO! Is the movie worth WATCHING? ABSOLUTELY! This is the film that made me fall in love with Olivia Newton-John. This film is SOOOOO CHEESY,and THAT'S what makes it GREAT! In my opinion,if this movie was played as a well acted drama,it probably would have sucked. It's a "fairy tale" movie with horrible acting (actually,Olivia did a good job,but I'm probably just biased because I'm a HUGE fan) The soundtrack by ELO is AMAZING! I couldn't think of another group who could have made a soundtrack as GREAT as ELO! Seeing Gene Kelly dance for on last time in a motion picture was AWESOME! I've watched this film DOZENS of times,and will most likely watch it dozens MORE in my lifetime. If you HAVEN'T see "Xanadu"...GO WATCH IT...NOW! You're welcome.
Toodles.
Laid to Rest (2009)
Bobbi Sue is...not a good actor.
The ONLY good thing this movie has going for it is the special effects,but the "acting" is SO HORRIFICALLY TERRIBLE that it takes away from what little enjoyment I got while watching it. If they had auditions for the lead,I'm assuming not many people showed up for them. Maybe Bobbi Sue had some dirt on the filmakers or she won a bet to get the role,because someone sure LOST A BET by having her star in this film. Even the killer isn't memorable at all. He doesn't have any "personality" that you would want from a killer in a slasher flick. I'm guessing that the filmmakers were HOPING for a franchise killer so that they could make a bunch of sequels to "Laid to Rest"...they TRIED with "Chromeskull",but (even though the second one was SLIGHTLY better) but they still missed the mark. These two movies MIGHT help you pass the time on a SEVERELY boring day,but you could probably find SOMETHING to do that would be better to occupy your time.
Toodles.
Replica (2005)
Has James Nguyen ever SEEN a movie???
Words can't even BEGIN to describe what a train wreck this "movie" is! I'm pretty sure that James Nguyen either A) Never saw a good movie. B) Has a SERIOUS mental health issue or C) Lost a bet with someone,and the loser has to make a couple of HORRENDOUS movies. I thought "Birdemic" was the worst movie I have ever seen..then...good 'ol James Nguyen throws me THIS CURVEBALL?!?!?! This "movie" is (thank God) a very short watch. I just can't fathom how these "actors" got the parts for this flick??? It sure wasn't an audition...if it WAS...dear Lord,I would LOVE to see who didn't make the cut!!! The woman doctor / replica is SOOOOO BAD that it makes it actually kinda FUN to watch,and the Asian detective is probably worse than the female doctor...I was laughing SO HARD that I had to go back and see what I missed. IF you decide to watch this crapfest...one viewing should do it for you...I think seeing it once is MORE THAN enough...seriously...I think watching this "movie" more than once will lower your IQ to that IQ of a radish.
The Collector (2009)
SUPERIOR TO MOST OF THE SAW FILMS!
I LOVE "The Collector" films...and can't WAIT for "The Collected" to be released! Sure...these films are VERY HARD to take seriously,but that's half the enjoyment...at least for ME it is. The traps this dude sets up are great fun,and I am curious to see what trap is NEXT after the Collector traps someone (or kills) in the previous ones. There is NO WAY someone could POSSIBLY set all of the intricate traps in one house (well...I HOPE nobody can...I guess with ENOUGH TIME...someone could) But again...the traps are what make these films so much darn FUN! For me...the "Collector" movies are more fun than the "Saw" movies. The action really never lets up,and keeps you guessing what is coming next! I HOPE this helps you out a little.
Toodles.
100 Tears (2007)
If you bought TERRIFIER at GOODWILL...you get THIS.
This slasher clown flick isn't TOO bad. The acting is hit or miss...mostly miss. The film delivers a LOT of gore,and pulls it off pretty well. This movie is NOWHERE NEAR as good as TERRIFIER,but it's still kinda enjoyable for what it is. Some of the practical effects are GOOD...some are pretty BAD...but for the I'm assuming low budget,they did a good job. If you are looking for a no brainer slasher flick,this should do just fine. There are way BETTER slasher flicks out there...and there are way WORSE. There are a couple of moments that drag,and I think they could have shaved off a few minutes,but the run time is OK I guess. So...long story short...I'll recommend this movie...but just barely. Oh HECK...just go watch it.
Toodles.
Exhibit X (2012)
HO-LEE-COW! This is ONE BAD MOVIE. REALLY BAD.
First of all...if you want your ears blown out,this is the movie for you. Someone had NO IDEA how to do sound mixing at all. The acting is actually COMICAL at BEST. I've seen a LOT of HORRIBLE "Found Footage" movies,but this one MIGHT take the cake as the WORST ONE I have ever seen...it's at LEAST in the TOP 5. This is one of those movies where you think to yourself..."This can't get any worse."...but then it surprises you and DOES get worse..MUCH MUCH worse. I can't even recommend this one as a "So Bad it's Good" movie. It embarrassingly BAD,and PAINFUL to watch. I saw it for FREE,and even THAT was too high of a price to pay. Stay away from this heap at all costs.
Toodles.
Moonfall (2022)
I WANT MY $5.99 BACK...NOW!
Where do I even BEGIN on this train wreck of a movie???? OK...I'm not a NASA employee,but even I KNOW that this movie took ALL logic...physics...rationale and fact,and just threw it out the window! This movies makes "Armageddon" look like a 12 time Oscar Award winning movie. I'm not going to give any of the RIDICULOUS PLOT away,but dear LORD this movie is sooooooo STUPID! And I LOVE sci-fi and "space" movies! I was literally LMAO at (eye roll) how they managed to get a RETIRED SPACE SHUTTLE from a MUSEUM to the launch pad in under a FRIGGIN' DAY! Actually,if you are a science fiction film fan,this will probably be more of a COMEDY than an action / disaster film. I was laughing at SO MANY scenes that I had to go back and see what I missed because I had tears in my eyes! If you are looking for a sci-fi action film to take somewhat seriously...this one AIN'T FOR YOU,but if you are looking for a brainless one that takes NO THINKING WHAT-SO-EVER on your part,then YEAH...check it out. I HOPE this helped someone out there!
Toodles.
Choose or Die (2022)
Bad...just...plain...bad
This movie isn't scary in the LEAST. I WILL give this flick props for the acting. Asa Butterfield is pretty good in it,but WHY did he "choose" this movie to be in???? I can imagine that he's behind on his utility bills. If you want to see an HONEST review of this movie that can say more than I can about this mess of a movie,check out the Elvis the Alien review on YouTube. He sums it up REALLY WELL about how BAD this movie is! For me,it was a complete waste of time. I LOVE scary movies,but this one actually made me LAUGH at times. The waitress who ate the glass and does was the LUCKY ONE...she got out of the movie EARLY! I hope I saved at least ONE PERSON from wasting their time...like I did.
Toodles.
Camp Blood 8: Revelations (2020)
SERIOUSLY...this director should be in prison.
I'm assuming that the director of this pile of garbage has REALLY BAD issues in his life that no amount of therapy will cure. This heap isn't even worth the electricity that powered my television set. LUCKILY (well...I don't consider myself LUCKY to have seen this "movie") but I saw it for FREE...and even FREE is WAYYYYYY TO HIGH of a price to pay to see this swill of a movie. Someone on here said not even SO BAD IT'S NOT EVEN GOOD??? Even describing it THAT WAY makes it sound way too good. I'm REALLY NOT KIDDING HERE...this "movie" will completely waste precious time from your valuable life. Walk FAR AWAY from this one,and don't look back!
Toodles.
Seed 2 (2014)
This SEED should have been planted...and not allowed to grow.
WOW!!! This is one HORRIFICALLY BAD movie! The first "SEED" was tolerable,but this swamp fire of a movie is just laughable at BEST! The "acting" is SO BAD that it almost makes this movie a COMEDY! If I HAD to give this movie ONE POSITIVE,it would be the gore effects,and I'm being GENEROUS at saying that. This "director" BLATANTLY ripped off ideas from "Texas Chainsaw" (the newer ones with the sheriff character) and "The Hills Have Eyes". This dude brought NOTHING NEW to the table. This movie was a complete waste of time. There are many MANY more gore or slasher movies that could occupy your time WAYYYYYYY better than this mess. Trust me.
Toodles.
Asteroid (2021)
Nope...just...nope.
Dear GOD...when the daughter opened her trap for the FIRST TIME,I knew this was gonna be not just a disaster movie...but a DISASTER OF A MOVIE! This movie could have had potential,but the acting is SO BAD,that I couldn't get into it no matter how bad I tried. The dad's acting is the best part of the movie,but even that couldn't save it. There are FAR BETTER disaster or apocalypse movies out there...trust me. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND giving this one a great big PASS!!!!
Zombieworld 3 (2020)
This is bad...REALLLLLLLY bad.
Honestly...I can appreciate a GOOD low budget horror film,but DEAR LORD this pile 'o garbage isn't worth the time. There are many MANY better low budget "zombie movies" out there. The "acting" is HORRENDOUS,and don't even get me started on the CGI. Sure the chick is naked in most of it (the ONLY good part...I guess) but the "zombies" are laughable at BEST. I've seen student films WAYYYYYY better then this. I can give it some minor props that the blood was pretty real looking,and the make-up wasn't all that bad,but the actors just couldn't pull off being the living dead...I only could see them as "actors" for some reason. Ok...there probably are WORSE zombie flicks than this,but not many. If you are bored beyond belief,and this and watching your grass grow are your ONLY two options...then give it a watch. I hope this helps.
Toodles.
The Mulligan (2022)
INSPIRING...MOVING...TOUCHING...with a lesson.
My wife and I LOVED this film. It was well made,well acted,and the choreography was excellent. Pat Boone was FANTASTIC as "the mentor" to a young man who needed some guidance with his life. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this film as an EXCELLENT way to have a night out with the family and friends. It isn't too preachy,and gets it's message across in a very kind (and sometimes funny) way. I'm not going to give anything away,but if you need a "second chance" at anything in your life...go check this film out...it MAY help YOU.
Toodles.
Human Zoo (2020)
A (almost) TWO HOUR SNOOZE FEST!
If the cast would have painted the walls in their cells,this would have made for a WAYYYYY more interesting watch than what was actually filmed. PLEASE SPARE YOURSELF from watching this pile of BORRRRRRING garbage! If I can save ONE SOUL from this disaster...my work is done here. If I was allowed to give this "movie" 10 NEGATIVE STARS I would have. If you think "I'll just keep watching...it HAS to get better."...you are SORELY MISTAKEN. Go outside and watch your grass grow...I GUARANTEE you will have a better time.
Toodles.