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seanhmoss6
Reviews
Brothers (2024)
I wanna be a Farrelly Brothers movie when I grow up, but I was still born.
The cast, on paper, is stellar. That was the only reason I wanted to watch it. Peter Dinklage, Josh Brolin, Glenn Close, Marisa Tomei, M. Emmet Walsh. Didn't bother with the trailer. It's a layup. Then...it happened.
A director I've never heard of, not a problem, that's how new cinema reinvigorates you, was WOWWED about casting phenomenal actors that have comedic chops.
Meanwhile, a screenwriter raised on a steady diet of There's Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber serves up a script with copycat raunchiness, stunted character development and the best dialogue that cut and paste can deliver, serves up a script that the director thinks his cast, which has no measurable experience in successfully delivering such material on Day 1 of shooting.
The alleged comedy is forced. The director and cast delivers notes from tone deaf ears and 34 minutes of this was enough to make me admit I made a mistake.
Cry of the Banshee (1970)
Utter garbage
I was less than 30 minutes into the film and I witnessed the fourth incident of gratuitous sexual assault. To this point, no story, no direction was established. The script was garbage and every time a female character was introduced, save one exception, they were raped.
I'm no prude. I understand that sometimes sexual assault and rape are part of the story. However, when an assault happens every 6-7 minutes and the actual plot has yet to be introduced, the only conclusion I can draw is that the screen writer and the director effectively are incapable of forming a complete thought, save telling a story that is worth my time.
The only recommendation I can offer is, no matter how much of a fan Vincent Price, my motivation for choosing this film, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!
Rumble Fish (1983)
a Festering Turd from Coppola's MTV fever dream about being Fellini
Coppola's insecurities, well earned, are on full display. Clearly, he is trying to please everyone, including himself without pleasing anyone. The existential clipped dialogue. The mind numbing script. The overbearing special effects attached to nothing. NOTHING. A CONSTANTLY overrated director delivers once again. The subtext is muddled to the point of constantly questioning what movie am I watching now. Many times the public passes on cinematic gems. This is clearly not one of those times. This movie, not film, has no idea what it is trying to be. The only reason to ever speak of this, hell, let's call it an over bloated straight to video thing is to tell people... DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Jûsan-nin no shikaku (2010)
A mix of Seven Samurai and 300 falls off a cliff.
13 Assassins looks pretty good in the trailer. Who doesn't like a good samurai story? Unfortunately, this is not a good samurai story. The first 30 minutes are a bit intriguing, but the cliff looms large from there until the finish. 13 characters with no development only creates a band of men that you never know enough about to care about them or the relationships that they have with each other. There is never enough invested in the storytelling to make the audience invested in their journey or its outcome. Roughly 20 minutes of boring, cliche sword to sword combat eliminated any cleverness provided by the script. The ending was anticlimactic, dry and unsatisfying. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
The Bear (2022)
Too many situational revelations
Good... GOOD, concept. Albeit another dip into the cup of Marco Pierre White which leads to Gordon Ramsay as a character is constantly ringing the bell of unoriginal. While the characters are initially interesting, the trope of obsessively driven ignorant would be restauranteurs is the hammer you stop pounding on your head because it feels so good falls short. Oliver Platt as a connected guy is underutilized.
Much in the spirit of the overrated Sopranos, storylines are initiated and left hanging or completely ignored.
I have only watched one season plus one and reserve the right to update my review. For now, The Bear is my go to for when I don't have enough time to watch a movie on a school night.
Cyrano (2021)
Here's your headline...THEY MUCKED IT UP
And still HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!... ROXANNE. This feeble, out of your depth retelling of Edmond Rostand's Cyrano de Bergerac is depressing and off putting. Arguably the greatest romance of all time, torn asunder.
The turn, casting Peter Dinklage as Cyrano, inspired. Unfortunately, I did not for a second feel drawn to Haley Bennett as Roxanne. Clearly, she executes the musical requirement of rather boring lyrics and melody. I never felt that she portrayed, or that the other characters believed that she was Roxanne.
Kelvin Harrison Jr. Never raised a threat level of someone who could cut in on you and the girl you're going with at a junior high dance. Discredit the writers and director for him not mattering.
However, creating a musical with actors who cannot sing, singers who are not actors, creating musical scenes that beg viewers to turn away in much the same vein as watching small animals endure cosmetics testing in a documentary defies the logic of understanding the subject matter.
In the very same fashion which I regrettably watched The Irishman, this film is best, if you are willing, to be digested in small portions with long breaks in between each serving so as to cleanse the pallet and recharge your belief that it will improve.
Much like The Irishman, this was a fool's errand.
There is NOTHING about this production that I enjoyed or can recommend. I waited a long, LONG time for this to become available on a stream. Thank goodness I only wasted 5 attempts before I wrote this off. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Dead Man's Walk (1996)
Big fan of many actors, story good, script and direction let them and us down
Principally, I started watching this because I saw it on Jonny Lee Miller's filmography. His turn and choices as Sherlock Holmes made me a lifelong fan. Then, I read the cast list. F. Murray Abraham (was also phenomenal in a guest spot on Elementary, amongst a magnificent CV of supporting roles...Scarface, Amadeus, Finding Forrester). Tim Blake Nelson, Harry Dean Stanton and many other accomplished actors. I'm in.
And then, I wasn't. I have tried twice to make it through this. I only made it about one third of the way through episode two.
There is WAAAAY too much padding. The characters are given jargon that, as they are portraying them, cannot pull off. Sketchy jump cuts are used to convince the audience that peril exists. It doesn't.
This was a clear attempt to ride the coattails of the success of Lonesome Dove. Instead of being a well planned heist, it's a clumsy smash and grab. I cannot recommend this movie.
The Mechanic (2011)
Was this movie everyone's part time job?
The Mechanic is not only unoriginal in its premise, it's unoriginal in its origin. For me, cool, no problem. It's Jason Statham. The man, the actor, has elevated predictability to originality countless times. So I'm in. Then, all of the sudden, the script and direction betrays his talents. The exposition about a "mindset" is not only abandoned within the first 30 minutes, it's set on fire and pushed off a cliff.
I say all of that to say this... the characters are only sketched, the plot is the equivalent of a restaurant closing 5 hours before its advertised close while only offering disappointing cliches of classic offerings and your wallet is missing after the Happy Ending wasn't happy. Just Ending.
The 50 Worst Movies Ever Made (2004)
MST3K seems to have provided most of the research here.
I thought it only fitting that a list of the 50 worst movies of all time be given a 2 out of 10. When you consider the production value married with the obvious raiding of the MST3K, RIFFTRAX, and Film Crew library, this was cheating at its best to create a video and maybe make a little money. Granted there was a little bit of research done but this effort could easily be achieved on a TikTok budget and schedule.
I did enjoy realizing that I had watched about 80% of these movies and realizing that there are some horrible movies I still want to watch.
Despite my low rating, I do recommend that all cinemaphiles (That's not even a word) watch this. For one cannot truly know what is the best until they have sampled the worst.
The Beekeeper (2024)
DON'T!! JUST DON'T!
You get lured in by Jason Statham. He's a good actor and top shelf action star. When he gets busy all is right with the world. Even when there is a bad script or bad story or bad director, Stath delivers. Charm and fighting always saves a bad movie. Not today.
Word on the street is that even Robot Chicken has passed on a parody skit because it cannot top the laughs of anything in the movie.
The supporting actors and dialogue, the indifference to the mission of the story are so bad. Why is this a focal character? Why are they recreating straight to VHS (Yeah, I said it) movies starring Cynthia Rothrock?
RIFFTRAX makes fun of better movies than this. I dumped this movie 20 minutes in. That was after discovering Jeremy Irons was a potential villain. He's bloody awesome... maybe in the movie. Couldn't be bothered to find out. Why?
BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS AWFUL!!
Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back) (2018)
Possibly the first movie I watched and thought it was shot with no revisions to the first draft of the script.
I chose this movie because of Tom Wilkinson. That's all there was. As brilliant an actor as he is, he, nor any other actor, can elevate a sketch of a screenplay based on a neat idea where the other actors are unengaging, uninspiring or three dimensional when the director thinks they can fast food the charm and intrigue of Lock Stock or Four Weddings. The "romance" between the "protagonist" and the love interest conjures images of people crushing into an elevator so as not to have to wait for the next. There is NO chemistry. The so-called lead doesn't really matter. There is no reason to care about this character. Just on paper... he's a yawn. Within the construction of the story, you kind of hope he would get his wish so you could sneak into another theater and be satisfied by another worthy picture even though you missed the first 15 minutes. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! Even if you love Tom Wilkinson.
Shogun (2024)
Hiroyuki Sanada and a fellow movie buff's recommendation are why I watched this. Sadly, only one delivered.
I am only one and a half episodes in and quite frankly, I've seen enough. I did not read the novel. I did watch some of the version with Richard Chamberlain. It made no impression on me.
What did make an impression on me was the made for TV script and direction. What I assume was an effort to create misdirection about the plot only leads to indifference.
Naturally, due to being a fan of Sanada, that was my side. The guy who plays the Brit, can't remember the actor's name, his performance seems like a mix of a Gerard Butler wannabe channeling a Tom Hardy who is not an actor. Or vice versa.
The constant changing of loyalties without establishing the characters of each and every faction is annoying. Characters have to be established. Otherwise you have no idea how you feel about them. Now you have no idea, however it may be overturned as the plot unfolds, who you are rooting for and against.
Also, the ceremonial reverence and respect for the tradition of this culture is lost as both actors and extras just stumble about clumsily in ham-handed mimicry.
This production is distracting and constantly fights against the story it claims to be telling.
My Favorite Year (1982)
Peter O'Toole, a beginner, Lainie Kazan, a promising story and meh.
This film started out reminding me of a Woody Allen, Neil Simon type picture. 5 minutes later it felt like a Woody Allen after he discovered underage adopted women and if Neil Simon was illiterate type picture. Save for Peter O'Toole.
Peter O'Toole was Peter O'Toole. Excellence. Mark Linn Baker was new. With the script and direction from Richard Benjamin, whom I surmise never watched a single take or one frame of dailies and possessed pictures that would make the Epstein Island list cringe with horror in order to get any job in spite of his lack of talent in front of or behind the camera, did him no favors.
Lainie Kazan is always pure charm. I don't know that she acts. She just is.
This film fails on almost every comedic level. Most of it is spent watching Joseph Bologna behave as though he believes he is funny, Mark Linn Baker struggle to keep up with O'Toole and waiting ad nauseum for the poignant moments to connect.
I have yet to see a Peter O'Toole movie I will not recommend. This one was close.
The Flash (2023)
5*s for Michael Keaton and the Batman tribute... I'm deducting 6*s for the rest of the garbage.
The 75 star deduction is for seeing Aflac as the first iteration of Batman. The other 20 star deduction is for the casting of Ezra Miller who played the role like a lifeless, robotic, annoying lovechild of Leonard from the Big Bang Theory and Justin Long. Here's a tip...don't do that. Then there's a 15 star deduction for hiring the CGI team from Lawnmower Man who cannot defend this farce from the grave. Another 7 star deduction for the ripoff artist who stole parts of the scores from A Beautiful Mind and Gladiator. Oh, and the script writers...you little scamps...I deduct 17 stars. I know the storyline takes the audience back in time. Did you have to steal all of the gags from Revenge of the Nerds outtakes?
This is nothing more than a pandering infomercial for the "reset" of the DC cinematic universe. I apologize if this review insults the people who wrote the definition of STUPID. You had no way of knowing. Unless you were visited by the Flash from the future. In which case, A POX ON ALL OF YOUR HOUSES! For the sake of the future, or the past.... DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!
I also credit 1 star for bringing back George Clooney. He's an excellent actor and maker of film. Batman and Robin was NOT his fault!
Yes, I know the stars don't add up to 10...but seeing Michael Keaton as Batman, and hearing those immortal words was only worth 138 out of 10 stars. Blame the film...film flam makers for the 5 out of 10.
Ozark (2017)
I wanna be Vince Gilligan and Bryan Cranston and Martin Scorsese when I grow up.
Ozark is very, very good. It is binge material. I have turned away from long established watchlist entries to go back and watch another episode. The cast is flush with accomplished, top of their game actors. However, it's been done before. Unlike Family Guy ripping off The Simpsons yet establishing its own identity and surpassing as a result, Ozark repeatedly mines from Breaking Bad and Scorsese with the subtlety of a chainsaw popping a pimple.
"Can't you hear me knocking?" once is a nod, a tribute, an Easter egg. Four times in four episodes is a cry for help.
The violence wants to be shocking as it was in Breaking Bad. It has less impact than a Warner Bros cartoon. There is no investment established. I don't know or care enough about the perpetrator the victim. Who cares if they catch an ACME anvil to the dome? Reload... push-pull, click-clock.
The slight slide from drug manufacturer/kingpin to money launderer was intriguing initially. The constant parallels, not just to the characters, but the storyline, plot and even shots feels far too often like watching a direct to video ripoff.
Ozark is not fresh. It is not inspiring to the viewer. It is off my watchlist...after 4 and a half episodes.
Last Exit to Brooklyn (1989)
Could have been a good little film... instead it's a dirty after school special.
Uli Edel picked a fine story and a promising cast. And then he directed a disappointing script with disappointing direction.
I loved his work on Tyson with Michael Jai White and Ving Rhames, who won a Golden Globe. I enjoyed Rasputin with Alan Rickman. However, most of his body of work is dodgy at best. Last Exit to Brooklyn is an example of most of his work.
An intriguing premise successfully pushed boundaries for the time. Unfortunately, the boundaries not only were pushed back as silly cliches were deployed to tell the story.
ANY director that cannot elicit a better performance from Jennifer Jason Leigh at this point in her career has clearly lost the plot.
Far too much was expected of the script, ham-handed bigotry and b-movie violence. The intended story was never told in much the same fashion that a tube radio broadcast with poor reception becomes annoying and ignored because one cannot ignore the irritating distraction of a fragmented story.
If you are a fan of Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jerry Orbach, Steven Lang, Burt Young, the actress who loses the dryer to Rachel on Friends, Stephen Baldwin, a largely unused Sam Rockwell, or the notion of self discovery with regards to being gay, or even people in Brooklyn sounding like they're Brooklyn... DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Burnt (2015)
BURNT...to a crisp. Formulaic, stale, uninspiring, uneven, cliche and continuity problems.
I need three sticks. The old saying about more things "than you can shake a stick at". I hope three might be sufficient. Kind of like so many producers thought this established combination of proven talent would yield a fine film. I think we both were wrong.
Where to start? I never believed that Bradley Cooper thought he was a chef. I never believed that Bradley Cooper thought he was the best at anything. I never believed Bradley Cooper was driven as his character.
And when did Steven Knight start writing paint by the numbers screenplays? Perhaps the actors only played to par because they found themselves on a miniature golf course instead of St. Andrew's with regards to the script. It's as of a made for TV movie was written to account for commercial breaks with a mash up of Anthony Bourdain, Gordon Ramsay and Marco Pierre White all appearing out of sequence.
Director John Wells may be mostly well known as a TV director. I'm pretty sure anyone that saw this, knows that now. And it's not good TV. When you have an opportunity to work with Cooper, Daniel Bruhl and Emma Thompson, you don't leave meat on the bone. A veritable entire herd was left on the side of the road to waste whilst Wells was crafting 3 minute scenes with 1 minute of dialogue. The scene where Cooper runs everyone out of the kitchen was an example of awful delivery by the actor, the director and the editor. Textbook failure.
Finally, thank God there is a finality to this, Bradley Cooper has a beard, then he doesn't, then he has a beard, then he kinda does, then he definitely does. All in a matter of days.
AND...AND, what chef who has as their specific and clearly stated goal of 3 Michelin Stars allows a dish to leave their kitchen without tasting when they think it is being served to Michelin inspectors??!!
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Indescribable. There may be words. I don't know what they are.
I blame myself mostly. I blame people that present nominations and awards a bit. I definitely blame and even shame the writer and director. But I blame myself ultimately.
I was lured by a second pairing of Brendan Gleeson and Colin Fer... not sure how to spell his last name and after suffering for the last hour and 30 minutes of a 2 hour movie... don't care.
The honey trap got me. I keep reading about a dark comedy. This was a dark coma.
WHY? Why would anyone make this movie and think that anyone outside of a first year film student would...I just ran out of words again.
Uninteresting maudlin is a description that only elevates what this movie offers while misleading potential viewers as to an intriguing or interesting experience. DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Kesari (2019)
Man! That's a movie!! WATCH THIS MOVIE!!!
Everything you want in a film! It's all here. Drama, romance, action, comedy, inspiration, faith, history, CGI, stunts, cinematography, direction, script, story, theme, fun, regret, shame, redemption and some other things I've left out.
Akshay Kumar is INCREDIBLE! With a script that is so diverse regarding expectations of the actor, they kept setting him up...he just kept nailing it. I have no problem comparing his performance to Tom Hanks' Forrest Gump as well as Mel Gibson's Braveheart. There is that much range and that much delivery.
Director-writer Anurag Singh, along with co-writer Girish Kohli crafted a story that needs to be seen again and again.
Alice (2022)
Great performances tripped up by clunky script and pace.
This movie initially made my watchlist because I am a HUGE Jonny Lee Miller fan. That was it. I read the synopsis and watched the trailer. Now I am really intrigued. I was all in from the first act into the second act. I discovered Keke Palmer, Alice. I believe I had heard the name, but had no memory of having seen her. Then it happened.
I saw a performance so raw and moving that it felt like watching a play. The energy and allure of great acting was palpable. Keke was both in and of the moment. Spectacular! And then the reality of the performance was hamstrung by the script and the direction.
An exciting jazz quartet began to sink because the drummer inexplicably forgot how to keep time. The deft brush stroke of the first act chose a new, clumsy tempo forcing the step of the audience to leave the dance floor.
This, the audience was tickled with promise and then bludgeoned with an offbeat message.
The message is important. But I stopped wanting to hear it because of the way it was delivered. The message tore its self away from a meaningful telling.
I admire the ambition of the jump from The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman to Coffy. But the transition made me stop watching with 30 minutes to go.
Kaleidoscope (2023)
A clunky Oceans 11 ripoff
Juxtaposed timeline storytelling is a neat format for a heist. When executed properly, the audience has blast running through the maze, hitting a wall and then realizing they were deftly had.
However, the identity of the characters must be firmly and carefully established in order for the misdirection and reveal to be effective. The ebb and flow of the script and story has to be intricate while appearing seamless and effortless. No one winds up caring what happens if a supposedly intelligent, crafty character is trumped by a clumsy, obvious countermove. The end result isn't, "Oh man! I didn't see that coming!" to "How did THEY not see that coming??!" The resulting disappointment in the character and the story causes the interest of the audience to erode. They no longer trust and no longer care. This is the end result when a less than steady hand is on the wheel of exposition.
The performances of a gifted, accomplished cast seem like a first table read. Everything about this production is flat. Where the producers succeeded, the directors failed. I didn't and won't be watching the last few episodes because at this point, success or failure, triumph or tragedy is meaningless because I do not care about these characters or this story.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Rocky V, Beverly Hills Cop III, Indiana Jones and The Crystal Skulls, Jaws 2,3D, and the Revenge, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, etc.
Top Gun. The original. Came out in '86. HUGE. Didn't see it till a few years later. Great movie. For me to this day, not a remote drop. But it is iconic. Great scenes, good actors, good story, quotable lines. 35 years later, Maverick.
It starts with a tad of intrigue and nostalgia. I'm on board. That's when engine 1 flames out. The Lazy Susan spinning of nostalgia, establishing character and story, poor casting, poor script, shallow story, anchoring through nostalgia with near and HUGE misses delivers a huge budget box office bonanza straight to DVD smoldering, festering STAR WARS prequel disappointment.
Tom Cruise knows how to make a good movie. Tom Cruise knows how to make a great movie. Tom Cruise knows how to act. Tom Cruise didn't know how to make this. The final product is an insult to the term slap-dash. Each side story amounts to nothing more than a Dear Diary entry based on over hearing 5% of a conversation.
Miles Teller and Jennifer Connelly, who the hell is Penny?, are wasted. The connection between the first movie and this are wasted. Low hanging fruit is not harvested but wasted in the interest of watching Tom Cruise actually do his own death defying stunts. Incredible to watch. He is a marvel doing that. However it plays more like a YouTube video than an actual, well, you know, movie.
The Parallax View (1974)
Robert L. Lippert would be envious of the padding in this film.
There is a story-ish. I mean it has a beginning and ending, but no 2nd act. There is merely a rumor of a script. Exposition that reveals nothing of value married with cliches may technically constitute a script, but I wouldn't brag about it, much less produce it.
This film attempts to exploit the still warm conspiracy theories about the JFK assassination. However due to the clumsy, plodding and severely padded execution of the story, more people probably believed in the Warren Commission Report after watching this turd than did before. There is more real time footage in this movie than actual real time footage video.
A 30 second PSA would have sufficed, been every bit as "thrilling" and only eliminated the padding. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!
Bosch (2014)
The inconsistency is distracting.
Bosch is supposedly a hard boiled detective. He has been hardened by his life experience. The only rules he follows are his own. He's laser focused, until he isn't? The portrayal of this character is flawed to the point that he is a non sequitur.
I understand the direction of revealing flaws and layers of a character builds drama. The less than subtle shifts between Dirty Harry and Inspector Clouseau strains even the most dedicated suspension of disbelief. Bosch has an established reputation for bucking the system from the jump. Yet somehow he bends to its and every day life's simple and most basic questions like a failure. He is BORING. Bosch is that annoying guy on the next barstool that talks everything is already experienced and figured out and the strides proudly out of the men's room not only with his fly down but his roscoe hanging out.
Even in his self success, he's a failure.
Who wants to watch that for eight seasons much less the five episodes I wasted watching.
Allied (2016)
Sat on my watchlist for a long while. Two hours wasted.
All of the headliners are heavy hitters. Knight, Zemeckis, Cottiliard, Pitt. Can't miss, right? This movie just stayed in the on deck circle. It never even stepped into the batter's box.
Chemistry, no. Perhaps that was intended in the portrayal of two spies. However, if you want the full effect of the spectrum of the story, eventually the writer, the director or the leads have to commit. The zag is meaningless if there is no zig. Cardboard performances by the leads and misdirection no less obvious than playing hide and seek with my niece while she hides behind a curtain, as I watch, and she asks out loud if I can see her.
For all of the subterfuge that could have taken place; all of the twists that could have been employed, Allied turned out to be just a boring 2 hour trailer for a movie that was never made.
Don't watch this movie.