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Reviews
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
The weakest of the three
Right off the bat you can tell that Bryan Singer isn't at the helm of this final(?) installation of the X-Men movies. The movie is a lot "clumsier" put together and lacks all the feeling that Singer put into the previous two movies.
Quite a few of the characters are either very black and white or act out of character and the story is either too simple and obvious or to obscure and inexplicable.
The actors put in a great performance but it's not enough as there's too little emotion most of the time and when there is emotion, it's so overblown that it gets embarrassing.
Kelsey Grammar does a pretty decent rendition of The Beast, even in the fighting scenes (although a fair bit is CGI). Why The Beast is in the movie to begin with is not entirely clear to me though.
The fight scenes are nice but they could have skipped the plot and just had 90 minutes of non stop fighting, the rest isn't even good enough as filler material.
Fans of the X-Men comics will no doubt be upset over how some of the characters are re-written to fit into the movie but that's the least of this movies worries.
See it if you've seen the other two or just want a decent superhero flick. Otherwise you shouldn't really bother.
Silent Hill (2006)
Well worth seeing
The video game which the movie is based on is supposed to be quite good but that does not mean that the movie has to be any good, as a lot of previous video game to movie conversions have proved before (I'm looking at you, Uwe Boll!).
Despite the heritage of Mr (or is that Dr?) Boll the movie scores high grades from me (as you might have seen already). It's quite atmospheric and the town of Silent Hill makes a great backdrop for a horror movie.
There are certain aspects of the plot that is a bit cliché, and it would have been better to have the movie tell it than having a character explain it all to you three quarters into the movie, but on the whole it's no worse than any other movie of this kind.
The actors delivers a very convincing performance and there were times when I shouted at Rose Da Silva (Radha Mitchell) to get a move on instead of screwing around.
Silent Hill clocks in at roughly 2 hours but I never felt that the movie lost neither its pace nor its grip.
I'm not sure that the ending is the right one for this kind of movie but it didn't spoil the rest of the movie for me -- quite the contrary perhaps as I'm still pondering over it.
The movie has it's fair share of gore and blood but it has "just enough" to make it scary and there are very few scenes where it's explicit. Most of the time it's psychological terror and uncertainty that keeps you on your toes.
RV (2006)
Occasionally funny, mostly not
Robin Williams haven't done a lot of funny movies as of lately so I wasn't sure if I wanted to see this one. Now that I have I can't say that I regret it but my life isn't exactly better because of it either.
On and off both the movie and Williams excels, and I laughed out loud on a couple of occasions, but on the whole the movie feels like The Griswolds on yet another vacation, only not as funny.
If you enjoy slapstick there are quite a few moments in the film that you will like and most of the time Williams is capable of pulling it off. There are times when everything just falls flat on it's face though.
The best character in the movie is Travis Gornicke, played by Jeff Daniels. The entire Gornicke family is rather amusing, although they become a bit predictable as well.
As for the Munro family, they are extremely predictable and I don't think that anyone will be surprised at how the movie ends.
One thing to mention is that they drive that poor RV like there's no tomorrow and seeing it take corners with screeching wheels and flying through the rugged mountain terrain is what I remember best from the movie.
Which is kinda sad, although the title of the movie indicates that the RV is the actual star.
It's good family fun, without any real surprises and offending plot twists. Don't expect another Toys or Birdcage though.
Poseidon (2006)
Decent but not as good as the original
Although the movie which this is based on is as old as I am I can still say that this movie is not as good as the one from 1972.
Sure, the cast is talented, the effects are impressive and the pacing is well done. The entire movie is, in fact, well done. It's just not inspired. Or inspiring for that matter.
The script is quite basic, although in the movies defense, it doesn't have to be especially complicated as the environment should be the key element here. There are still certain parts that needs to be sharp, the dialogue for instance. And the characters.
Again, it's well done but nothing that you remember years after you saw the movie. And with a movie like this you really should remember quite a bit.
One thing I have to give the move makers is the fact that people die, even the ones you didn't expect to die. Then again, the ones you expect to die, dies as well (and at times exactly the way you thought they would).
The laws of physics are set aside when the script calls for it which really is a shame. I can think of a number of settings in an Atlantic cruiser turned up-side-down without making stuff up.
If the movie had been just a disaster flick without all the touchy feely interaction between the characters, as they are to uninteresting to make that part work, I think it'd been a better film. Or the other way around; a lot more interesting characters and emotions and less focus on the environment.
As of now, it ends up in between these chairs and the end result is a rather bland movie that didn't impress very often.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Only see this if you love cars
I've seen the previous movies in the Fast and Furious series but I can't say that I remember them very well. To be honest my memory of The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift is beginning to get a bit hazy as well despite the fact that it was only about a week ago I saw it.
I don't think anyone is expecting this sort of movie to deliver any notable story or message so I can't really understand why the filmmakers decided to try anyhow; the result is just stupid and annoying.
If you on the other hand can disregard all the scenes where Sean Boswell (Black) gets philosophical/serious/thoughtful and just enjoy all the impressive car-based action then you're in for quite a ride (pun intended, perhaps not delivered).
The sad truth is that even the car action is quite stupid at times.
I mean, how often does the Yakuza accept a drift race down a mountain as an appropriate means of settling a feud? I would guess not very often.
And no matter what this film wants you to believe; it's not faster to drive sideways. If you want to escape from someone in a car chase, drive straight ahead instead of swerving in and out between cars.
As a muscle car fan I found it a bit depressing to see that the film featured very few American cars and although our daring hero drives his fathers Mustang (what a surprise!) in the final race, it's still a Nissan V6 under the hood. Which is no good.
The biggest problem with Tokyo Drift is that it tries to hard to be more than what it should be -- and what anyone expects it to be -- which only means that it gets boring at times for those of us that enjoy cars and boring all the time for everyone else.
See it only if you enjoy cars, preferably Japanese ones. The rest of you should be quite cautious.
Cars (2006)
Just another boring, uninspired "safe bet"
I remember when animated movies were used to create zany, memorable and truly funny characters as well as tell a compelling and interesting story.
Cars is none of that.
The story is yet another "hey, here's your daily dose of morale and pointers" hack job that is so predictable that you know how it's going to unfold as soon as you lay eyes on Lightning McQueen.
The characters are all stereotypes and clichés; the young and hungry upstart who only cares for himself, the grumpy old has-been who overcomes his past while teaching the upstart a thing or two, the former yuppie who has realized that the best things in life are the simpler things, etc, etc...
I'm not saying that the values and the message that the movie is trying to convey are wrong or bad, quite the opposite, it's just that Cars does it so horribly clumsy and uninspired.
There are the odd funny moment and the actors mostly do a great job but in the end Cars is a waste of time and money.
Go watch Nemo instead of Cars -- even if you've seen Nemo before.
Mindhunters (2004)
It has it flaws but it's better than a lot of other stuff out there
I've read comments pointing out that this movie has ripped a lot of ideas from other movies and that there are situations that are so over the top that they get silly.
To that I say; Sure, why not? It's still entertaining.
I agree that they could have used the cast differently and that some of the plot points are quite unbelievable but on the whole it doesn't distract from the tension and the setting of the movie.
The profilers sometimes act pretty stupid and out of character but the actors do a very decent job portraying them and Renny Harlin has actually done a really good job with the directing.
If you want a horror/thriller/action flick where you keep guessing pretty much to the end and don't mind recognizing bits and pieces from other movies then this is for you.
Well worth a watch (no pun intended).
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
Don't expect a brilliant plot and you'll be in for a treat
When you see a movie like this you should never go into the theater expecting too much. Especially if it's a sequel. Fortunately enough, Resident Evil: Apocalypse does a great job of following up to the, in my opinion, very good first movie.
The basic premise is the same; a lot of zombies that have been infected by the T-virus are out to get our heroes. The difference is that this time they're out and about in Raccoon city, the city where The Hive from the first movie is located.
Milla Jovovich again does a great job as Alice, with her this time is Jill Valentine, known from the video game, played by Sienna Guillory, whom also does a great job by the way. Not that there's a lot of acting taking place, the better part of the movie the protagonists kill zombies, blow things up or perform death, and gravity, defying stunts.
This is what makes this movie so good though; the over-the-top-with-tongue-in-cheek approach to the action. The first time Alice enters the movie for real she does it in such a brilliant way I almost clapped my hands.
Take this movie for what it is, a fun action romp through well known movie making territory, and you should have a great time.
Home on the Range (2004)
Trippy and odd looking but well worth your time
The first 10 minutes or so of Home on the Range didn't get me hooked at all, the movie seemed quite bland for a Disney movie. On top of that it didn't look like a typical Disney movie, all square-ish and edgy.
After a while the movie grew on me and before I knew it it had all the Disney trademarks you could want; spectacular characters, excellent voice acting, nice animation and weird humor. A bit too weird perhaps. Just wait until you get a taste of how Alameda Slim manages to steal all that cattle.
It was right up my alley though and by the end of the movie I was quite pleased with what Disney had managed to produce. In a way it's a very simple story about friendship but since it's so well done you really don't mind.
Well worth seeing, for young and adult both.
The Village (2004)
Quite possible the worst Shyamalan film yet
When I saw The Sixth Sense I was awestruck by the very clever twist ending. Unfortunately when it comes to scripts following The Sixth Sense, M Night Shyamalan keeps beating the same old horse, although with a new coat of paint.
After seeing Unbreakable and Signs quite recently I had very low expectations when seeing The Village. Despite this the movie didn't live up to them.
The story was very weak and the tempo was more or less non-existent with boring and flat characters. Quite often I found myself wishing that the actors would just stop talking so that the movie could move on.
Despite William Hurt and Joaquin Phoenix doing a good job they couldn't lift Shyamalans at times quite pretentious and wooden script to any heights worth mentioning. If anyone but Shyamalan had delivered this script to a studio it would have been refused at once.
The twist end, which of course is present, was anything but exciting and neither me nor my friend found it very "twisting" to begin with as you can see it coming. And unlike The Sixth Sense there is a lot of holes in this movie that you notice right away.
No, Shyamalan needs to get back on track, this movie did nothing to improve his rating in my book. Quite the contrary.
Monster (2003)
Excellent movie, stellar performance
This is one of the most captivating movies I have seen this year. Charlize Theron does a totally amazing part as Aileen, you can hardly believe it's her when you see her and her performance is stellar.
Christina Ricci does a very good job as Selby as well and the chemistry between them seems 100% real. One of the best movie couples in long time.
It takes a little while for the movie to get started but once you get to know the two main characters you can't help but stay glued to the screen the entire movie through.
See this movie, it's well worth it.
Shark: Rosso nell'oceano (1984)
Really, really bad italian version of Jaws. Sorta.
Yikes.
I've seen quite a few bad movies in my days, a lot of them in the company of Mike, Tom, Crow and the others from MST3k. So was the case with this one as well and even though I found the movie in itself quite funny, it wouldn't have been nearly as fun without the MST3k commentary.
The movie is a prime example of really bad movies coming out of Europe during the eighties. Horrible music, horrible acting, horrible plot (what little there is), horrible dialogue and really, really, REALLY, horrible editing. Cripes.
This might be called a turkey if it weren't for the fact that it's not unique in any way whatsoever. It's pretty much the same kind of film that almost every italian hack of a director cranked out.
So, try and get the MST3k version. It's a pretty fun episode with Mike and gang in quite good form.
Cheonnyeon ho (2003)
Not bad at all
The movie starts with the evil sorcerer from one of many clans in China at the time captured and bound by the current emperor. Fast forward circa 800 years and general Biharang is fighting the rebels while his love waits for him at home. At the same time the queen is in love with Biharang, he only has eyes for his love though.
The queen and her advisors do not approve of this and plots against Biharangs girlfriend, sending her into a series of events that unleashes the evil that was trapped almost a thousand years ago, taking over her own body. Will Biharang be able to fight this evil without killing his loved one? Will he be able to battle the scheming advisors and a love struck queen?
This might not be such an epic movie as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon but it's still quite enjoyable. The story contains love, drama and suspense, the acting is more than ok, the effects, while not up to ILM standards, gets the job done.
Don't try and cram this movie into the standard Hollywood formula since most asian movies that are worth watching doesn't fit into this formula. Try to concentrate less on the evolution of the plot and more on the feeling of the movie and the, in my opinion, very well done camera work.
Well worth watching if you can find it.
The Touch of Satan (1971)
Make sure you have MST3k by your side if you watch this
We follow Jodie, a guy, but with a name like that he's exactly the kind of wuss you expect him to be, driving way out to the country to eat his ham sandwich.
He then stumbles upon Melissa who lives on the walnut farm (yep, you read that right) he stopped at. Besides a psycho grandma, Melissa has another dark secret that Jodie slowly, and I mean SLOWLY, unravels.
Without the help of MST3k this movie would be a total pain in the royal behind. The pacing is slower than flowing tar on the North Pole, the dialog is unbelievably campy and dull and the acting is just plain crap.
I'm not going to call this a turkey because the whole thing is not even funny bad, it's just bad bad. If you like boring, long-winded, trying-to-be-scary-but-just-stupid movies from the seventies, go ahead and watch this.
If you do, I recommend you watch the MST3k version though.