kalavic

Leaves the impression of being written by someone who had never sat through an episode of the original. Like they picked up an envelope with names of characters and a checkbox of inclusion metrics to be met, then shoehorned it into some crappy old script they'd written in fit of teenage angst.

What's with this trend of taking over an old franchise just to "fix" or assassinate the characters? The characters have literally no similarity to those from the classic show.

While the blatant mistreatment of Fred is nauseating, it's Velma who got the worst treatment. She went from being the icon of the smart, unapologetically quirky, oblivious to what other's think yet content to share the spotlight to nauseatingly annoying. I guess the writing is on the wall when you make an origin story of the Mystery Gang and title it after just one of them, and not the animal mascot. "Look everyone! See! Velma. She's the real deal! A strong female lead!"

We'll start with the good. The CGI action scenes are visually impressive. And there are many. So many, in fact, and with such little space between them, that they consume the story, with no time for the characters to do anything but ride the roller coaster. Also, it was nice to cram in a few seconds of cool characters we haven't seen in the MCU. I mean, it would have been cooler if they'd mattered more. In fact, they could have taken those characters and made a whole other movie better than this one, but we'll leave it at that.

Now to unpack the problems. Chief among them, the titular character doesn't make a single story-driving decision until an hour and a half in, and then it's debatable whether that even counts. There's literally a scene where presented a lock made by another DS with a watch-shaped hole in the center, he needs Christine to tell him how to open it. He's a dog chasing his tail! The theme of his god complex interfering with his personal life and being counterproductive to his goals is brought up. Yet his progress in that regard is so minimal that he may as well have been replaced by a hologram of himself.

The female characters shoehorned to the forefront of Doctor Strange's sequel, unfortunately, went the Captain Marvel route of strength over depth. A complete lack of nuance. Supposedly smart characters make painfully stupid decisions. They try to pass off sob backstories as development when how they react to situations tells us nothing special. But boy do they get screen time to showcase how power and awesomeness! Even the cameos, even when it doesn't make sense. As for themes, filmmakers figured the motif of 'you just need to believe in yourself to unlock your hidden power, girl' still counts as original. Makes sense - it fell so flat with Captain Marvel that no one will remember. Include LGBT relationship, check! But should it even count when it's utterly inconsequential? Meh.

I would love to see the same premise fleshed out with some decent writing, and appropriately titled Wanda vs Strange, split into at least two films.

Wanda could have been finding more plausible ways to relive her fantasy (sorry, but there is no universe where kids are that nauseatingly perfect). It would start rather innocently then quickly spiral out of control as she succumbed to the temptation to abuse her power more and more. We could see regression and struggle so that her story carries emotional weight. From the very beginning, Doctor Strange would have pushed the what's-her-name dimensional portal girl (that forgettable) into accepting the responsibility of learning to control her power. As she tries, she's crippled by painful memories, and shuts down. Frustrated, Dr. Strange is tempted to take matters into his own hands... In this Wanda and Strange, we have two sides of the same coin, one loving but selfish, another detached but selfless. Between them, a girl who more than anything needs a wise mentor, but is afraid of confrontation and struggles to discern healthy relationship from abuse - when to accept correction, assert herself or run. Being uniquely qualified to run, she is the only one who can allow others to help her.

Man that would be a cool film.

As a big fan of musicals, I must admit this stands out as boring, insensitive and pointless. Granted, I've never been one to follow the tabloid coverage of the British royal family, so I may not be the target audience. That said, were I given the chance to read a pile of tabloids for 2 hours instead of watching this, I'd have done it.

I mentioned insensitive, because it seems the writers and producers were unaware that England is still around, populated in fact. Word has it some of them have an ear for convincing dialogue. Every character felt flat as a pancake, every line utterly mundane and forgettable or cringeworthy:

(CHARLES, spoken) Shall we, Darling?

(CHARLES, sung) Let's dance (DIANA) It's nice to be with you, Charles May we speak a bit?

(CHARLES) Just dance (DIANA) You still look so handsome, Charles How nice that you've kept fit (CHARLES) Just dance

Or

How 'bout for a start Don't act like a tart, Diana Stop being a martyr!

Why can't you be smarter, Diana?

Is it trying to be bad? I really can't tell. Maybe there's a deep level of meta humour I'm just not getting.