Change Your Image
SomeUselessGeek
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Scavengers Reign (2023)
Long, inconsistent, pointless.
Lots of things make no sense in this mess. Lots of side tracks for plot "support" bits that are just drivel sprinkled into a never-ending series of random encounters (for those familiar with adventure games). Lots of flashbacks to bits that are supposed to help develop characters, but which ultimately make no difference one way or the other.
Needless to say, anything having anything to do with technical matters was completely wrong. But the bizzare interaction of all the little critters didn't add up to an ecosystem that could possibly be maintained -- if it could exist at all. The critters all seemed to be just bit players, like NPCs for a silly adventure game. Didn't matter if they were dangerous or not.
The stories didn't really interact, the characters made no sense whether people or not, and the overall storyline ended up with a dissatisfying thud and no real conclusion. I wasted an entire evening watching this turkey through to the end and felt ripped off for my time. Don't do the same.
Shadow in the Cloud (2020)
Really hard to characterize, but easy to appreciate
This is _not_ some kind of horror flick. The critter is more or less a plot device to move things along. Half the movie is people talking, and lots of character development just through that. The twists and turns are easy enough to follow, and totally unexpected. I pride myself on being able to predict a lot of movies; how the characters will act and react, how the dialog will go, how action scenes will play out, etc., etc. This is one of the most unpredictable films I have seen in ages. Stick around for an unpredictable ending that is in line with the story but I never saw coming.
Chloë Grace Moretz gives a spectacular performance as the main character and wild woman in restraint. She portrays strength, grace, need, fear, resolve, resourcefulness, and a host of other qualities all in the space of a few minutes. Just marvelous to watch.
It's not often that I can recommend a movie with the kind of gusto I can for this thing, but here it is. It's not perfect, but you can suspend your disbelief with ease. Too bad I can't reveal much without providing spoilers that really will damage the viewing experience. Just watch it and you'll see.
Outer Range (2022)
Meandering, pointless waste of time
This turkey reminds me of _Lost_ or _X Files_ or some kaka like that. Completely pointless, with all kindsa side tracks going nowhere and hints at Something Larger that never materializes. The Ex Machina of "the hole" is a plot device which is more irritatiing than stimulating, and the oily scientist trying to get at the "mineral" is a silly side character distraction. I simply don't have the patience to sit through another episode of junk like this, much less an entire season.
The attempts at artsy-fartsiness fall short. Goofus camera angles, music that confuses rather than accentuates, interlaced stories that are somehow supposed to relate but never really do except at the shallowest of levels, yada yada yada. This is just poor storytelling.
There is a reason I hate time travel stories. The stupid unresolved paradoxes always leave me cold.
Gojira: Kaijû Wakusei (2017)
Same stupidity, different verse
There's a reason I loath Godzilla movies. They really have no point to them at all, and are so stupid that they make Bruce Willis flicks seem like Alfred Hitchcock masterpieces. This particular piece of kaka is just more of the same. Filled with Japanese technobabble and all things manga-esque, it manages to infuriate the viewer by insulting his intelligence at all levels. They come up with a plan to remove The Big Lizzard only to find an Even Bigger Lizzard? Is there no end to this dorkiness? Apparently not, because how else would the franchise continue to rake in dough from those too lame to look for a more reasonable form of entertainment?
The animation is smooth, with many movements and transitions that are as good as live action. I really like the image detail work with all the displays showing data that is realistic and pertinent to the quantities being measured. As a piece of cinema, it's nice to look at. But as a complete film? Ick.
Just stay away.
Bodies (2023)
Really, I hate time travel flicks for a reason
This was kinda interesting in some parts, but it was just far too long with far too many side trips away from the central plot line. The quantum splitting thing was almost close enough to real science to be within the realm of suspension of disbelief, but the whole "know you are loved" cult mess was more than I could stomach.
Performances are quite good, particularly considering the material these actors had to work with. The story avoided a lot of the technoweenie aspects of time "displacement" that make other time travel flicks so stupid-looking. The sets, costumes, and setups were very period-believable.
The whole paradox mess isn't really addressed properly throughout the story, so even if the other aspects of time offsetting don't disappoint there will still be a bad taste in your mouth from the inconsistencies and contrivances that are left hanging here.
I used a lot of 10 second advance and 1.25 times viewing speed, and still thought the thing was too long. My advice is to give this one a pass and use your time on something else more entertaining.
The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar (2023)
This one is hard to categorize, but easy to like
It is not often I find myself at a lack of words to describe a piece so pleasant and rewarding, yet so odd and difficult to grasp. This delightful short piece is a continuous break of the fourth wall, and rightfully so. The nature of the storytelling is that the audience is required to be participants in the story, right there with the characters as they explore their surroundings and the happenstance which leads from one discovery to the next.
I can not describe this piece adequately, but I can recommend it with gusto. Solid story, solid writing, solid cast. You'll not be disappointed. This one goes in my permanent round-robin collection.
The Irrational (2023)
Trite, hackneyed, warmed-over rehash of staid memes
Too many tropes in this show to enumerate. There's the brilliant college proffessor who does this crime-fighting thing as a sideline. Of course he has a dark past with some damage, in this rare case visible to the naked eye. He drives an oddball car that stands out. He is well respected by his (naturally) ex-wife and students, but not so much by other professionals in various disciplines. And on, and on, and on.
This thing is kinda predictable, like a not-well-written Columbo episode with the clowns all dropping their hints flat on the floor in front of the audience -- and the coppers. I don't think I'll have the patience to struggle through another episode of this show. The first one was enough to turn me away.
Conclusion: not terrible, but not good either. I just don't have the time in my limited entertainment budget to waste on bland pate like this.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
I can't take any more of this stupidity.
These people live in a world which is descended from a civilization that had _anti-gravity,_ for Pete's sake. Good grief. How everything could be so crude, so prehistoric, is just not realistic at all. Even after 3000 years there would still be plenty of artifacts that could be made to function. Not to mention that there would be pockets of knowledge and operating civilization no matter what befell the main population of the planet. The whole concept is just plain dumb.
But the people! And the politics! And the evil versus good, where neither side is completely one or the other. The simple fact is, in this TV series everybody acts like a dork. How can they be this outrageously dumb?!? How can they be so naive, so shortsighted, so idiotic?
But the final nail in the coffin is the Bad Guys' use of this "invading the dreams" meme that I find so totally distasteful. You can't write a decent combat scenario, so instead they duke it out in the "dream realm?" Ick. Please stop wasting my time.
I just can't take any more of this kaka. Glad I didn't have to spend any money on this turkey, just my precious entertainment time budget.
Away (2020)
Simply impossibly dumb.
Incredibly stupid to think that any of these people would have made it in to any space program of any nation. If they were that screwed up physically and mentally then they'd be replaced early on by a program alternative. Just outrageously dorky.
And the craprod ship? What a POS (pile of scrap). All of the stupid little defects that any engineer worth his salt would have detected early on in the design phase. All of the misbehaving hardware items. All of the poor UI of nearly everything they touched.
This show made me gag. I ran through a few episodes with some fast forwarding looking for something worth watching, but by the fourth episode or so I was convinced this turkey was a solid looser.
Great cast, well presented. Good film crew. Solid cinema work. If there had been a reasonable story to tell these folks could have produced a fantastic series, but this screenplay was kaka from the start. Too bad.
Space Precinct (1994)
Wow, is this ever bad.
I guess TV sci-fi (pronounced, "si-fee") in 1994 had to be made on a budget of $3.80 per episode. At least, that's what this thing makes it look like. Oh, sorry -- I forgot that _Star Trek TNG_ was filming at the same time with a budget of one million US dollars per episode. I guess it was just that this show was so bad.
"Effects" that were created using the leftovers from a high school science project, writing that was inspired by 1930's comic books, and characters with all the depth of a sidewalk puddle. What's not to love? Please, just shoot me now -- something the cops in this show are plenty willing to do, particularly if it's aliens (anybody not a Terran) involved. Let's be insensitive as well as bloodthirsty, eh?
Good grief, it's hard to believe this kaka lasted an entire season before somebody pulled the plug on it.
FUBAR (2023)
Disappointing all the way through.
Too bad. I was expecting something along the lines of _True Lies_ or some Bond thing with even less seriousness. Well, it's less serious all right, but nowhere near as fun nor entertaining nor smart. The dialog is truly cringeworthy, like something out of the 1980's TV thriller/romance/comedy kaka. The characters are all about coffee-cup-saucer deep, and none of them are in any way likeable. The stupidity of everyone in every scene makes me want to barf, and the silliness of the setups is just more insult to my intelligence. There are ways to do such things with slapstick that makes a dorky prop like a flashlight/laser that can cut through 25cm of reinforced concrete like a hot knife through butter seem funny. This embarrassment of a show has no sense of that and couldn't make a George Carlin delivery funny.
Fabiana Udenio is her usual fantastic, sexy self, but she isn't a focus of the show and can't rescue this beater, breathtaking sexiness notwithstanding. The rest of the support cast just don't contribute enough to matter. This show is DOA -- a one-season loser that Netflix will forget about before fall.
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
Storytelling about storytelling done as a story -- and very well at that
The Djinn's stories are quite intriguing and all draw you in as the observer. As a book this would be very hard to put down. As a film it is a treasure, and one which I will add to my permanent collection of every-once-in-a-while favorites. There are few flicks in recent memory to challenge the innate storytelling beauty of this piece.
Truthfully, I wondered if the Djinn was going to turn out to be a Bad Guy in the classical Djinn model. That would have been a shocking and jarring turn of the tale and completely in opposition to the calmness of narative provided by the flow of stories, even those of violence and fear. The overall pace of storytelling is perfect, never rushing nor dragging. This film is a prime example of how the movie media can be used as a storytelling tool with no equal.
OF course I like Tilda Swinton and Idris Elba, two masters of their craft. Put together they make a perfect pair to spin this tale and draw the viewer into their private world. I just can't recommend this film enough.
War of the Worlds (2019)
Way to take a classic and kakafy it, MGM
I don't know how this clunker ever got past three episodes, much less three seasons. Who is actually paying to watch this trash? The robots are able to run like dogs, but for the most part shamble along like zombies, making as much noise as a garbage truck. Their spike projector magazines never seem to run dry. They can't hit targets ten meters away, but can head shoot soldiers from a good 50 meters.
The "military" personnel all make neophyte firearms handling mistakes, even to the point of saying "clip" instead of "magazine." They all had soft body armor and comms headsets, but not a one of them had a helmet. Their fire discipline left something to be desired.
The robots could detect people inside freezer cases and behind all kindsa locked doors and such, but when one of Our Heroes needed to survive they would just walk on past, still looking for prey. Oy.
Oh, and did I mention the totally glacial pace? The whole first season -- such as it was -- could have been condensed down into maybe four episodes and have told the same story.
This thing is dumb and slow. Not good for a sci-fee thriller. Don't waste your time.
Kateo (2022)
A slower-paced "Hardcore Henry" without any of the humor
I couldn't take more than 20 minutes of this turkey. Extremely over-the-top action, where the "hero" is an unstoppable killing machine who mows down everybody in his way, physics be damned.
The "missing memory" trope really gets old in this effort. The fact that the hero just eats up all the BS fed to him over the earpiece (Yet Another Overused Trope) makes him appear even stupider -- if that's possible.
As mentioned in other reviews, the CGI is iffy at best, and the stupidity of the guy just waltzing into situations where he should have been dead ten times over is hard to ignore. Look, I don't mind a little suspension of disbelief for a Mission:Unlikely movie or something, but this thing is just plain bad.
Avoid if you value your time.
The I-Land (2019)
Simply too stupid
Hard to believe that this loser got funding for production. There are so many logical inconsistencies, so many character behavioral abnormalities, so many contrived circumstances, so many...outright stupidities. Please don't waste your time. I wish I had come here to read some reviews before wasting almost two and a half hours -- even with the fast playback and ten second advance -- to discover this truth for myself.
Spiderhead (2022)
I really wanted to like this thing...
...but couldn't. Sometimes the suspension of disbelief can be abused to the point that the flick just becomes useless, as is the case here. I really don't want to go into detail because even some hints would ruin the viewing experience for those diehards who insist on watching this turd even after receiving a strong warning not to do so.
Yes, the characters are strong. The performances are acceptable, and the relationships between characters are believable. However, even a powerhouse like Chris Hemsworth can only pull so much weight. This beater took it all out of him and still needed more.
Please don't waste your time.
Yakamoz S-245 (2022)
Can't watch lazy writing
Oh, come on. I mean, please. If the sun's flare were that bad then eveything on the surface would be burned to a crisp. There wouldn't be any surface structures to which to return. I just can't stomach this kind of crappy Deus Ex plot device.
Tides (2021)
Kinda pointless overall
Really, what was the point? Okay, you folks made a movie on a really, _really_ low budget, but did you have to make it quite so skeletal and fleshless? No real story, no real characters, no real plot, no real believability. A couple of hours of everything being very wet. Ick. I can just imagine the smell.
The Courier (2020)
A perfect period piece
Really, I don't know how this film could have been made any better. All the performances were top notch and believable. Cumberbatch has set a modern-day standard for dedication to his craft in the likeness of De Niro's _Raging Bull_ weight gain and loss. Cumberbatch put himself fully into the character of a starving Soviet espionage prisoner at a time when Ivan wasn't being too conciliatory to Westerners.
Wow, this whole film had me on the edge of my seat despite its being a recitation of historical fact. Knowing how the story comes out in no way diminishes the telling of that story by those who have mastered the storytelling craft.
The Silent Sea (2021)
Just incredibly stupid. I mean, really, _really_ stupid.
This bucket of slop doesn't even rate a "meh" for being science fanasy. It's too stupid for that. Certainly the whole mess could have been reduced to a single two hour stupid movie instead of being nearly eight hours of stupid series. I kept watching because there had to be _some_ sort of payoff, y'know? But no, there was nothing but more stupidity.
Yet Another "Water Becomes Rare" dorkiness, in this craprod water is a valuable commodity on Earth. Never mind that 70% of the planet is covered with the stuff. Forget about the fact that adults need over a liter of water per day just to stay alive , and that water is consumed in massive quantities by every operation that produces the food humans need to stay alive as well. In this cluster of fakery it's rare and under allocation.
Oh, and then there are the sappy, sickeningly sweet side stories about the motivations of the main characters. Silly, dull, predictable, and downright dumb. What a combination. None of the stories told through flashback made any real difference in the character buildup at all.
Please don't ask me to go into depth about the plot holes large enough for a Mack truck or the absolutely flabbergastingly dunce way the characters behaved (especially towards each other), or the utterly non-science way matter just "multiplied" out of nothing at all.
Anybody who graduated high school will have their intelligence insulted by this flick. Actually, I'm pretty sure sophmores in high school will have their education insulted by this colassal turd in the punchbowl of moviedom. Avoid at all costs. You will lose precious brain cells as well as your time by watching this mastermess.
Lost in Space (2018)
Sarted strong, petered out
How sad. This series started with some strong plot lines, potent characters, and attention to detail that was laudable. By the end it was one trite, predictable, superficial, weary plot contrivance after another. I particularly disliked the way a year's worth of story (because of the missing COVID-19 shooting schedule) was glossed over with a little exposition by the characters.
Everything was a little too convenient. Every discovery was a little too timely, every serendipitous moment just so. Like a too-sweet dish ruining a meal, the series was kinda ruined by the rush to get everything wrapped up by the end of the season. Ick.
Watch the first two seasons and just live with the mystery of what happened to the expedition rather than suffer the bitter disappointment of the last season. You'll be better off for it.
The Beyond (2017)
Incredibly bad.
Just so unyieldingly bad. So totally and completely false in every technical aspect, only to be topped off with "science" that is so horribly inaccurate that it falls into the realm of fantasy -- and even then it is insultingly stupid.
Please, folks, give this turkey a very wide pass. It is not often that I give a feature such a low rating. This complete and utter loser earns the score and all the disdain I can heap upon it.
Unhinged (2020)
Silly sequence of highly unlikely contrivances punctuated by needless violence
I'm sorry to be so crude, but this movie is a turd. Russell Crowe does a marvelous job with the poor material he is handed, but he's the only bright spot in this whole mess. Everything else is a mish-mash of pointless cruelty, conveniences of situation so contrived as to be components of a fantasy, and two dimensional characters that are so thin you miss them when they turn sideways. Caren Pistorius is far and away too young to have a son of the age shown here. She lacks any depth as a mom figure anyway, so why not add that unbelievable factor?
There are far and away too many contrivances to point out in this thing. It's almost like somebody wanted to make a bad spaghetti Western and missed out by 60 years. I can't tell you anything about the last third of the flick because I turned it off when the tablet battery died right when they were trying to get the cops to intercept the whacko on the highway. Suspension of disbelief can only cover so much, and this movie stretches that suspension past burst tension.
Do yourself a favor and pick up a good book. In any case give this stinker a wide pass.
I Care a Lot (2020)
Previously I'd see anything with Dinklage in it. Not now.
How could such a pile of kaka have a masterful talent like Peter Dinklage supporting it? The stupidity of every character in this film is astounding, but the contrivances are far and away too much to make the story line believable. For the last half hour or so I just rode the ten second advance to skip to the end. A silly ending to a silly flick.
Peter Dinklage should be ashamed.
Land of the Lost (2009)
There are worse movies, but few and far between
How could a talent like Anna Friel -- who was as strong a character as you could ask for in _Neveland_ -- get mixed up in a pile of puke like this thing? Sure, she's sometimes fun to watch in this mess, but it's not worth your time just for that experience.
This klunker of a "comedy" is the worst kind of prurient pile of crap (in a couple cases, literally) that bedevils the genre. Comedic timing is way off, with many of the gags stretched out to long after they aren't funny, even when they start out that way. The obvious telegraphing of gags and punchlines long before the reveal robs most of the comedy from those bits that might have evoked a laugh.
Oh, and this turkey is long. Even at an hour and three quarters it's way, _way_ too long. Perhaps that is because of all the gags stretched out to painful, unfunny conclusion. I want to get my nearly two hours back, but they're gone forever. Be forewarned so that you, too don't lose precious entertainment time.