Reviews

Rebecca: This is so bad it's almost good.

Enid: This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.

I wasn't going to submit this because it is years after the film was released and there have been hundreds of reviews posted. But I found "Midway" so staggeringly horrible that my public service impulses clicking in. Had this been a comedy I would have given it a higher rating as it has a lot of "Airplane" (1980) moments, although seemingly unintentional.

Fortunately when you are laughing at something it eliminates the need for expending energy suspending disbelief and "Midway" would have required so much of my energy that I would have needed weeks of bed rest along with some serious trauma counseling.

I will concede that a surprising amount of the $100MM budget does make it onto the screen. But if you know about the budgetary black hole called special effects the huge budget is understandable. Unfortunately we have been conditioned to accepting expensive but lousy special effects and the absurd scope of "Midway's" WWII story is more suited to a feature length cartoon or an expressionistic experimental student film than something intended to look like realistic action.

I won't concede anything else positive about this mess except a kind of unity. Horrible script, horrible acting for the camera direction, lame cast, and laughable editing. It is perhaps the worst war movie of all time and an insult to the intelligence of whatever its target audience was supposed to be, although enough people paid to see it to make you wonder if the level of their intelligence can even be insulted.

"Commando Squad" was released in 1987 and has the look of an early Fred Olen Ray effort (The Brain Leeches, Sleazemania, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers). It suffers considerably when compared to "Cyclone", another of his 1987 films which was much better as an exploitation film as it featured Heather Thomas and Ashley Ferrare nicely showcased in sexy outfits, competent lighting, good film stock, and one of the best ever movie catfights.

"Commando Squad" went with Kathy Shower, still fresh from being named Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1986 at age 33. Kathy was a bit high mileage for a Playboy centerfold but nobody was complaining. And she had done a decent job that year playing a deceived bad girl on an episode of "Knight Rider" where she added some nice sizzle and eye candy to the production. But even with Shower dressed in tight black leather, "Commando Squad" has minimal sizzle going for it as these scenes are so poorly lit that the actress is just a faint distant shadow in a series of a wide master shots. And her one good outfit was at the start of the film, after that she was costumed like one of extras in "The Grapes of Wrath".

Shower could have either become the next Sharon Tate or crashed and burned along with Kathy Ireland whose acting range was limited to a looks of dull surprise whenever a camera was pointed in her direction. While Shower's acting for the camera range was greater than Ireland's, it was not not a lot greater and her range could even have benefited from an ability to express dull surprise.

The Sharon Tate comparisons are easy because "Commando Squad" could be considered a low budget attempt at "The Wrecking Crew", at least from a believability perspective. Both films require that viewers expend a huge amount of energy suspending their disbelief. You don't mind doing this with "The Wrecking Crew" because it is fun and entertaining in an obviously self-parodying way. Something "Commando Squad" is not.

One obvious similarity is that Shower's character Kat Withers, like Tate's character Freya Carlson, spends at lot of her on-screen time disguised in an unflattering dark wig. But Freya only wears this for one series of scenes and for logical reasons. Their is no explanation for why Shower was de-tuned in this way.

Although somewhat limited as an actress, Tate's range included very convincing airhead portrayals, which when combined with her more serious scenes give Freya considerable dimensionality. Viewers find themselves engaged by Tate's character but completely indifferent to Shower's.

Screenwriter Gerald Wilson took aim at the western genre with scripts for "Lawman" and for "Chato's Land". Both turning a key western convention on its head. Specifically he was interested in examining and deconstructing the genre's "Individualism" and "Exceptionalism" themes. Which is what made both film's quite significant and somewhat disturbing - at least to viewers reared on the celebration of white individualism, the underlying theme of many if not most western films and television series.

In "Lawman" Burt Lancaster plays the title role of Jared Maddox, a non-local Marshall who embodies much of the standard "Lonely Gunfighter" of the west. But his peacemaking technique is mostly robotic killing - enforcing the rule of the law without the slightest compromise, predating "Westworld's" gunfighter robot by two years. The structure of the storyline is largely the same as that of "Hang 'Em High" another revisionist western whose Marshall is equally determined to see that justice is served but whose motivation is a more one personal revenge.

Maddox on the other hand is held captive by his individualism, his whole identity is so bound up in it, and he is so comfortable with having everything defined that he exhibits an arrogance about it.

Local sheriff Cotton Ryan (Robert Ryan) is the antithesis of not just Maddox but of the traditional movie cowboy myth of white individualism. Indeed Ryan is kept around by Vincent Bronson (Lee J. Cobb) the area's primary oligarch because he is completely malleable, devoid of identity and individuality.

Cobb brings a bit of baggage into his role as he was ingrained into the minds of 1971 western fans as a "good guy" after playing Judge Henry Garth in 120 episodes of "The Virginian".

Bronson's spirited minions conform to the characteristic of the mythological American cowboy. Superficially distinct individuals but basically identical in their white male bluster and banality. The only exception is Crowe Wheelwright (Richard Jordan) who struggles to fit in with them because he is able to think for himself and exercise free will. Recognizing and resisting the compulsions that drive his associates.

Interestingly Jordan will also play a conflicted character in "Chato's Land", although one whose unshared sensitivity and romanticism increases his brutality, as he tries to demonstrate that he is not burdened with those weaknesses.

There is nothing noble about the characters in "Lawman", Maddox dots the i's and crosses the t's of lonely gunfighter virtues but presses on like a hell bound train, and cannot stop what he has set in motion even after he has a moment of clarity and gains some perspective on his life.

I first saw "Chato's Land" (1972) at the base theater during my Air Force days. Films on base typically ran for only one day (three shows) and this was one of a handful that drew capacity crowds to the second and third shows due to "word of mouth" praise by those who attended the first screening.

Seemingly inspired by Monte Hellman's "The Shooting" (1966) screenwriter Gerald Wilson took aim at the western genre with this and "Lawman" (the 1971 movie western not the television series). Turning a key western convention on its head, specifically he was interested in examining and deconstructing the genre's "Individualism" and "Exceptionalism" themes. Which is what made both film's quite significant and somewhat disturbing - at least to viewers reared on the celebration of white individualism, the underlying theme of many if not most western films and television series.

Charles Bronson's half-breed character, Pardon Chato, shoves his nonwhite individualism down the throats of white viewers from the movie's opening scene until its end credits, what with many traditional western hero qualities - insert "Clint Eastwood here". And Wilson structures his script around the parallel story of the dysfunctional individualism within the mostly white posse. Central to which are the three brothers of the Hooker family whose daily challenge on their scrub ranch is keeping youngest brother Earl (Richard Jordan) from inbreeding with his younger sister Shelby Hooker (Verna Harvey). I'm not making this up.

Earl pretty much explodes the "Cowboy" myth all by himself but for good measure is joined by three other members of the cowboy posse in the film's graphic rape scene.

Even wistful ex-Confederate Captain Quincy Whitmore (Jack Palance) has his individualism and honor tainted by the presence of the violent Cooper brothers on his posse. Although he was never a particularly sympathetic figure as from the first he seizes on the supremacist hunt as a way to validate his pathetic life.

The only people to stand up the the Coopers are their nearest neighbors who refuse their invitation to join the posse - making sure they are armed to the teeth when facing them.

Had I been able to view "The Belle Star Story" at the time of its 1968 release I assume that I would have seen a much better film or at least some story-telling that was possible to comprehend; what with good film stock and the original Italian audio track (with English subtitles).

What I just saw instead was a fourth generation analog video recording burned to an American Pop Classics DVD with no closed captioning. With such poorly dubbed English audio that about every third word was unintelligible. The video resolution and contrast was hopeless and the only clear images were the extreme close-ups.

The film was jointly made by Piero Cristofani and Lina Wertmüller, both essentially second unit directors, what with Lina just starting out and a few years away from her 1970's masterpieces.

Unlike the standard busty and fleshy Italian actress of the 60's, Elsa Martinelli was tall, thin, and classy. Somebody for which you could effortlessly suspend disbelief just to adore and lust after. And from the promotional photos you can appreciate how sizzling she was in her tight black leather outfit and gun belt. And she wears that trademark costume for much of the film although the spectacle suffers considerably from the poor video quality. For some reason they made her into a Marianne Faithful clone with red hair and freckles. Surprisingly it is a good look for her and she compares favorably with Faithful - coincidentally also clad head to toe in tight black leather in the 1968 release "The Girl on a Motorcycle" for which there are some decent quality DVD's available.

Otherwise "The Belle Star Story" is basically a cross between "The Legend of Frenchie King" (1971) and "The Doom Generation" (1995); both stylishly incomprehensible.

Quite possibly the most bizarre mainstream Hollywood feature film of all time, "The Wild and the Innocent" can in part be explained as another thrown together assembly line vehicle for Audie Murphy, green lighted without a reality check. As an actor Murphy is underrated in large part because he churned out countless films that each year could range from a quality western like "The Unforgiven" (1960) to something absolutely horrible like "Battle at Bloody Beach" (1961).

But things got interesting when the producers cast breakout teen sensation Sandra Dee in the role of mountain waif Rosalie Stocker. It is now commonly accepted that Dee's mother added two years to her age when she started out as a young model in New York. She was actually born in April 1944 and this film was shot in November 1958 so you basically have a precocious 9th grader playing a femme fatale in a triangle with one actor in his mid 30's and another whose leading man days included silent features with Clara Bow. But the oddest thing is that despite the need for considerable suspension of disbelief about many things in this screenplay, Dee successfully sells her character as the motivating force for the entire story. Go figure.

By 1958 Dee had already made six feature films and had long been exhibiting anorexic tendencies to which many attributed her incredibly youthful appearance rather than suspecting her actual age. She had considerable natural talent and took direction well but had clearly been acting in all those prior roles. Her performances were pleasingly underplayed until "Gidget" earlier in 1958 where she successfully broke out and demonstrated her considerable range.

But how to play Rosalie Stocker was a mystery and Jack Sher was basically a writer who had only directed two films and was inexperienced giving acting for the camera direction. So I suspect that Dee's Rosalie was pretty much a natural portrayal with Sandra Dee basically just playing Sandra Dee. Yet not only does it work but it is the reason for seeking out the film.

Dee's physical fragility and tentativeness make it onto the screen, exactly the qualities that sell Rosalie. When she is poured into sexy outfits she is visibly uncomfortable with the effect she is having on men. The contrast is incredible. To a viewer she becomes the "Innocent" in the title and is believable as the object of desire and the main motivation to men seeking redemption.

You only need to see the first two minutes of the series, the sequence where the poser roughing up his girl backs down from Reacher, to realize this mess is a lost cause and it will be impossible for you or any remotely intelligent viewer to suspend disbelief for any sustained amount of time. Not because the scene itself is so implausible but because leading with such a contrived segment is a tell about the gratuitous testosterone laced way that the one-trick pony series intends to relentlessly manipulate its audience.

Of course the first few episodes do have the ancillary attraction of frequent close-ups of Willa Fitzgerald's face with her hair pulled back and wearing minimal make-up as she does a good impression of a standard Julia Stiles heroine. That is a very nice thing and the director allows Willa to actually get away with inserting a bit of nuance into her character's expression. Something far beyond the capabilities of anyone else in the cast.

Lee Child created a good enough character in Jack Reacher, but he plays best on an audio recording in your car where the thread of his simplistic stories distracts little from the challenges of operating a motor vehicle - even in heavy traffic. But as video production this type of stuff is basically floating debris.

If you are a Sandra Dee fan 1967's "Doctor, You've Got to Be Kidding!" is arguably her best performance and a must have for any fan. Although the movie itself is lousy she is confident and alluring in the challenging starring role, its really a mega role as she is in every scene.

Like Debbie Watson in "The Cool Ones" (also 1967) Hollywood was trying to remake Dee into a star they could continue to take to the bank as changing tastes were taking a toll on their traditional type of material. Neither movie had much going for it in the script department and both were a couple beats behind the times even though the whole idea had been to showcase Dee and Watson in more with-in screenplays.

In the long run the failure of the two pictures probably did not make that much difference as the roles for those in this wave of actresses were getting scarce and often bizarre. Jane Fonda did "Cat Ballou" in 1965 and Barbarella in 1968. Tuesday Weld turned down Bonnie & Clyde in 1967 and did "Pretty Poison" in 1968, "I Walk the Line" in 1970, and "A Safe Place" in 1971. Decent enough parts but few and far between.

The hot players in town in the late 60's were Bob Rafelson, Bert Schneider, and Steve Blauner - BBS, who knew Hollywood needed new audiences of young people-and who were cultivating new talent and new ideas. Weld was able to crash their party even though she was not a new face. I can see them adding Dee to the cast of 1968's "Head" which could have been a game changer for her. The story was fluid enough to create a part, after all they used Annette in a spot and Dee would have offered a similar campy appeal. But as a game changer that is grasping at straws.

The year 1970 gave us James Caan in "Rabbit Run" and Michael Douglas in "Adam at Six A. M.". Films with such remarkably similar themes that you have to wonder what the typical young man was thinking during those years and whether it was unique to the times.

Both films center on their title character, Harry 'Rabbit' Angstrom and "Adam" Gaines, who if they aspire to anything aspire to seeing the world in their respective rear view mirrors. Basically making a case for not getting trapped by an easily defined life. While Adam is ambitious and more cerebral about the whole thing, Rabbit just lets life take him in any random direction and then dodges any responsibility or consequence that might complicate his life. There is a lot of Kerouac's Dean Moriarty character in Rabbit, at least with regards to living in the moment and showing little remorse for any wreckage he leaves behind.

"Dean features prominently as a hero. An incredibly flawed hero who tends to abandon those who love him and feel no remorse whatsoever at his poor judgment and horribly timed actions. But a hero nonetheless".

Where Adam anticipates situations and avoids getting trapped in the first place, Rabbit is too wrapped up in himself and his immediate gratification to avoid getting trapped. Adam might fall for a manic pixie dream girl if one came into his life who meshed well with his ambitions. But no manic pixie dream girl would want Rabbit and the more dimensional and imperfect women he meets and recklessly commits to end up simply cramping his style.

Carrie Snodgrass and Anjanette Comer play his main love interests. Both give excellent performances as women tortured by their association with Rabbit. He can't give them what they need in these unequal relationships and neither seems equipped to successfully deal with life on their own. This lack of independence is off-putting to many female viewers who blame author John Updike - who wrote the 1960 novel on which the film is based - for creating such shallow female characters. This is a fair criticism as far as it goes but such people do exist and a story is not necessarily sexist just because its focus is a certain female or human type.

I think this is Comer's best performance. Her typical character is weird in a restrained way and not especially accessible or relatable to a male viewer. But Ruth Leonard is quite likable and earthy, a very regular person. She is Updike's counterpoint to Janice Angstrom (Underwood). Updike is saying that Rabbit is almost sympathetic in his aversion to his wife and his horrible marriage, a put upon hero with somewhat understandable flaws. But his advance and retreat behavior with Ruth is simply inexcusable.

I first saw "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me" (1971) at the base theater during my Air Force days. I found it intriguing enough to track down a paperback copy of the source novel which had a cover photo from the film.

The title comes from Memphis street sweeper and musician Furry Lewis' song "I Will Turn Your Money Green" ("I been down so long/It seem like up to me"). The Doors referenced Farina's book in Jim Morrison's song "Been Down So Long".

Richard Farina's novel was based largely on his college experiences and travels. Although published in 1966 it was written while Farina was a student at Cornell University in the late 50's and references 1958 several times. It is full of pseudonym references to Cornell (Mentor University), to Ithaca (Athene), and to campus landmarks. In the book the fraternity dinner is held at the Delta Upsilon house. In the film one character reveals it is the Phi Delta Theta house.

The film is an incredibly poor adaptation, poorly directed with weak production values although the quality of available DVD's is too marginal to really tell. Not surprisingly the story in the film version is quite condensed and simplistic. Choices of what was included and excluded are inexplicable. The music is awful. Primus is adequate but he was over thirty and looked it, playing an early to mid-20's college student, so you have to suspend considerable disbelief.

The book and the film are very derivative as the central character - Primus as Gnossos 'Paps' Pappadopoulis - is basically a somewhat tedious version of Kerouac's Dean Moriarty (thought to be Neal Cassady). Kerouac's "On The Road" was published in 1957 so I am surprised that the similarity was not a major issue.

Both Dean and Gnossos figure loosely as a heroes. Incredibly flawed heroes who tend to abandon those who love them and feel no remorse whatsoever at their poor judgment and horribly timed actions. But heroes nonetheless.

The psychedelic scenes hold up reasonably well although they do little to advance the narrative. The film opens with its strongest scene, not surprisingly the one occasion when they are faithful to the source material. Marion Clarke plays Pamela Watson-May a very proper and confident British student at Cornell negotiating the subletting of her student apartment to Farina's alter ego. Freshly showered and in a loosely tied terrycloth robe she absolutely captives her visitor and they end up taking a tumble in the hay so to speak.

Farina gave this a mix of casually erotic elements that have a huge appeal. A nice example in the sexy teacher-librarian-computer geek overcomes her inhibitions genre. The film does not do nearly as well with Farina's other erotic fantasy, the love interest in green knee socks. Instead of an evil user she is turned into an early manic pixie dream girl.

I'm glad the film was made as it gives exposure to the book although I wish it had been made better. I think it would have received a better reception if it had been promoted as a "R" rated student film. With a first and only time director, a modest budget, and a pretty green cast it would qualify for that designation.

"The Cool Ones" is kind of an embarrassment. As a viewer you feel embarrassment for the cast and for the production staff. Less so for the pre-production people who are responsible for this lame attempt at cinema or for the producers/studio who somehow got this silly thing green lighted and funded.

It is like a horrible blend of "Bye-Bye Birdie" and a standard American International beach movie. Just thinking that makes you wish for Harvey Lembeck doing his Eric Von Zipper bit as the male lead. He would would be far cooler than Gil Peterson who looks like the sort of greasy guy who would proposition your your fourteen year-old sister. For that matter Jessie Peterson (the original Conrad Birdie) would have been more contemporary looking for this 1967 release. Even Johnnie Mack Brown (the 1930's Alabama running back who took his good looks to Hollywood) would have been preferable to this phlegmatic Mississippi State running back who followed him 30 years later.

"The Cool Ones" is a surprisingly high budget production with good film stock and decent location shooting. But its clearly clueless about what would be likely to connect with its target audience in 1967. Although even a quality script would have been unable to salvage a production featuring someone as wooden and unlikable as Peterson.

On the other hand Debbie Watson is the well worth watching. She is talented, natural, confident, beautiful and pretty sizzling in this her first sexy role. And naturally very likable. Visually the film is a excellent showcase of all those qualities. It opens up the question of why her career went nowhere after 1967. In a variety of roles from 1963 to 1969 she obviously impressed a lot of people as they kept throwing opportunities at her. She had two television series, this expensive feature, and a number of quality television guest appearances. Most notable was a 1969 appearance on "The Virginian", a significant and serious part which demonstrated her serious acting talent. Why did she retire in 1971, still in her early 20's?

Her staring in The Cool Ones" could be characterized as that of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, consistent with . Her "Tammy" type-casting. My guess is that the "Pixie" part was the problem. She was typically cast for her pixie look, playing characters slightly older and looking cute doing it. She was born in 1949 so you can do the math.

But that pixie thing was a screen illusion. She was 5' 8" with a solid curvy frame - not tiny, frail, or delicate. There would likely be weight struggles in her future. She had a child when she was just 17 which kind of killed her image. I suspect that by the time she turned eighteen she could see that her window of opportunity was closing.

It's a lousy film on most levels but its greatest failure is at its most basic level, the romantic relationship between the two main characters is not even remotely authentic. It would take extraordinary writing, acting, and acting for the camera direction to sell this even to viewers willing to suspend disbelief. Not surprisingly the production never comes close to doing so giving viewers a relationship impossible to identify with or care about.

Bottom line, "The Cool Ones" can be enjoyed if you focus solely on Watson's performance. Other than that there is nothing here for anyone other than competent production and post-production.

Viewing 1951's "The Detective Story" I could not help but see the yet to be fleshed out bones of Director William Wyler's 1958 film "The Big Country".

Both feature the juxtaposition of vast scale (in this case an opening aerial sequence of the city streets) with characters in close physical association. Both feature an observer (in this case Lee Grant's shoplifter) who is the placid but nonplussed normalcy around which the frenzied action spins. And both feature two characters who are unaware that they have fallen in love with each other.

Of course "The Detective Story" is a noir film that is obligated to include some perverse twists just as the viewer begins to think that this collection of stereotypes and story tropes could not get more unoriginal.

Great casting with a collection of actors well matched with Wyler's obsessive but strangely hands-off acting for the camera style of directing as he challenges his cast to pull their character out of themselves. While this is second nature to naturals like Grant, Kirk Douglas, Joseph Wiseman, Michael Strong, and probably Cathy O'Donnell (who had worked with Wyler five years early in "The Best Years of Our Lives"); it was likely quite a learning experience for most of the other cast members who were used to more explicit direction.

Like the play the pacing is surprisingly engaging and viewing it is a very entertaining experience. It seems much shorter that it is and the final roller-coaster 15 minutes may leave you feeling like you have been duped by a sort of Hitchcock Macguffin into focusing on the wrong things.

If you have watched "The Green Promise" and found it rather strange, you can blame MGM for altering the story. It was one of those fluid script situations where the rewrites could not entirely keep pace with the production, leaving it to post-production to paste over the inconsistencies as much as possible. But it was not possible to sand down all the clues to the original story.

MGM wanted a vehicle to feature rising star Natalie Wood. To insert her they gave her Connie Marshall's original Abigail role which had centered on the coming of age story of a teenage girl who slowly comes to realize the huge character flaws of her idealized father. 15 year-old Buzz Wexford was to be her love interest. They awkwardly shoehorned the ten year-old Wood into the role and named her Susan. Making her Abigail's younger sister, Marshall was relegated to a demon seed middle child and the father's one dimensional ally. And with that the film lost any trace of nuance, in it's place you get a creepy story of a 15 year-old boy flirting with a 10 year-old girl.

Since the original New Deal theme of collectiveness had now became a Cold War political issue it was replaced by "individualism", which was entirely out of joint with its 4H promotional purpose although they did manage to go out with a collectivist response to the natural disaster. Ironically the awkwardly inserted rants about the virtues of individualism are contradicted on the screen by the self-destructive individualistic and imperious behavior of the father.

So you have a naturally likable Connie Marshall finally getting a chance to play against type which she does almost as well as Bonita Granville in "These Three", assisted by an incredibly unflattering hairstyle. And you have a naturally likable Walter Brennen, miscast and unsuccessfully playing against type. And finally Marguerite Chapman and Robert Paige playing the courtship of Ward and June Cleaver.

Wood carries the film, which was the intention of the studio, the role was constructed entirely in the service of promoting her. It is arguably her best performance and certainly the most demanding role of her career. The film works as a good time capsule and as a promo for the 4H Club.

TCM is showing "Spencer's Mountain" tonight, in which Mimsy Farmer has a supporting role. This started up my memory churn as I recalled her appearance in my favorite episode of "Outer Limits" - "Second Chance" - which was originally broadcast in March 1964 (she was born in 1945 so do the math on the age).

A carnival space ride becomes frighteningly real when an alien secretly rigs it to fly. The ominous bird-man carefully picks his unknowing crew including the carny ride captain who's a closet intellectual, an angry middle-aged man, and a star quarterback accompanied by his adoring buddy and his steady girl. The plot involved persuading a group of people whose lives were absolutely miserable (for a variety of reasons) to undertake a mission which would save the earth from destruction sometime in the distant future. The alien was confident that the humans would grab this last chance for personal redemption, he calls it their second chance, especially after being shown that they had nothing to lose given their hopelessly miserable lives on earth. The episode had little good to say about the human race and philosophically plays even better today than it did in 1964.

Roger Corman's Black Scorpion ran for only one season, 22 episodes broadcast during the first six months of 2001. It was an interesting idea, satirize men who avidly watch exploitation cinema by featuring bumbling and corrupt male characters exhibiting the standard misandrist caricatured behaviors. But in the tradition of "Batman", cancel much of that out by also featuring young exploitation babes in scorching hot costumes.

Done right you expand your target audience, getting not just those tuning in for young babes but those who also appreciate the opportunity to laugh at themselves. You might even get some female viewers who appreciate a nice bit of irony and the relatively well written banter that goes on during each episode. The problem was that unlike "Batman", "Black Scorpion" was a show that canceled itself out. Casting was the biggest problem. Michelle Lintel in the title role seemed like a good choice physically. She had the looks and the athletic ability, filling out her costume nicely enough. But she was far too sterile and few of the episodes were directed well enough from a acting-for-the-camera perspective to move her character into erotic territory.

And unlike "Batman" the female guest stars brought very little sizzle to the production. The series seemed intent on employing aging actresses who looked like they had just arrived at the studio after dropping a station wagon of kids at soccer practice. Pretty much all the main female villains (Athena Massey, Sherrie Rose, Renee Allman, etc.) were pushing forty and had been physically unexceptional even in their prime.

Some of the sidekicks (Faith Salie, Ava Fabian, Kimber West, and Patricia Ford for example) were absolutely sizzling but that brings up the other main issue with the series. These actresses were hopelessly underutilized and the hyper-editing of the action sequences typically cut away from them after a few poorly lite frames. Their costumes were certainly gratuitous but with the horrible lighting and the wide master shots it was impossible to became engaged. The situation cried out for some well-lighted lingering close-ups, but the producers arrived ticketless at the clue-bus station. It was just too antiseptic to even be a gentle tease.

Although "Catalina Caper" (1967) was made more entertaining by the MST3K treatment, it is no worse or any more moronic than a lot of the teenage genre trash of the early and mid 1960's.

Style-wise what this reminded me of the most is "Out of Sight" (1966), a teenage/secret agent/musical comedy about Big Daddy who's been "driven mad by rock 'n' roll".

In both films the real attraction was the assortment of hot babes in revealing or erotic outfits (Catalina even includes girls in scuba gear). Both films have several of the most sizzling actresses of the era. In Catalina the best two are Venita Wolf and Ulla Strömstedt; and they both get the most screen time as rivals for the affections of former Disney child star Tommy Kirk.

"Out of Sight" definitely had better music by an assortment of relevant performers. "Catalina" has a throw away number by Little Richard and then showcases "The Cascades", a band of San Diego Naval Base sailers whose one-hit wonder status was from their one hit: "Rhythm of the Rain"; which came out five years before the movie and is not included in the soundtrack. The Bots have a lot of mockfest moments at their expense.

The best of the MST3K added material is Tom Servo doing an "Earth Angel" style tribute to Strömstedt's character, who he has fallen for and nicknamed the "Creepy Girl". You don't fully appreciate former figure skater Strömstedt until she hits the beach midway though the film in a bikini. Before that she appears creepy because of her Swedish accent and really horrible wig, in a movie full of blondes for some reason they turned her into a brunette. Go figure.

The again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

During the 1955-65 golden era of Disney live action movies targeting baby boomers, there were many hits and only a rare miss; what with huge pre-sold theater audiences who automatically lapped up any Disney comedy that came to their local theaters. There was little risk to studio and to viewer because these things utilized a proven formula and featured a narrow ensemble of likable Disney actors. Interestingly "Bon Voyage!", released in May 1962, was probably the studio's biggest miss.

It is likely I was one of those who paid money that summer to see this film, but if so it made so little of an impression on me that during a recent viewing my normally excellent memory failed to find anything familiar enough convince me that I had seen it 50+ years ago. But assuming that I had seen it and given my sudden and extreme infatuation with Deborah Walley after seeing her one year later in "Summer Magic", "Bon Voyage!" must have been completely erased from my memory within hours of viewing it as I am certain I never connected Walley's Cousin Julia to Amy Willard.

The only virtue of "Bon Voyage!" today is that it evokes a nostalgic reaction of baby boomer family vacations in general and to ocean liner and Paris family vacations in particular. But in the early sixties such a future would not have been a factor in green lighting a production. If you look back on the successful Disney comedies of the era you can easily see the standard formula that was pitched to the studios. Familiar inoffensive actors playing wholesome characters, mild comedy that disparaged no one and was typically at the expense of a harried but well meaning father, and most importantly a hook or gimmick that engaged the audience and made them willing to suspend their disbelief and identify with whichever character targeted their demographic.

Disney first would find a tried and tested hook and then use their stock elements to build a movie around it. "Flubber" was the best of these hooks and worked across several movies, although it was just an unoriginal reprise of "It Happens Every Spring". "Summer Magic" was the application of acute nostalgia to "Mother Carey's Chickens". "Swiss family Robinson", "Babes In Toyland" and "Mary Poppins" were established children's stories given a magical Disney flourish. Apparently something convinced the studio in 1962 that the family European vacation hook was foolproof and the pitch for "Bon Voyage!" got the green light.

Compared to their standard film the concept was original, relatively big budget, and full of location shooting. Making it an odd blend of Disney nature documentary and light comedy. So its crash and burn taught the studio to not be seduced by originally. And also that a inoffensive ensemble of lightweight actors could not save a production doomed by a faulty concept and an extraordinarily weak script.

I suspect that the fundamental failure of the film was in just having too many stories, none of which fostered much viewer identification or otherwise connected with the audience. One of lame bumbling father comedy (Fred MacMurray), one of boringly overwrought romantic melodrama (Walley), and one of gratuitous sleaze (Tommy Kirk). The standard Disney audience was willing to suspend disbelief and even go with a self-knowing whimsy; but only if they strongly identified with one or more of the central characters.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

Rebecca: This is so bad it's almost good.

Enid: This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.

"Live a Little, Love a Little" (1968) is one of those rare films so bad that it has gone past good and back to bad. To its entertainment value it has a surreal lameness that makes you stop and contemplate things like how a group of highly paid industry professionals could have produced something so staggeringly horrible.

Granted it nicely illustrates my Elvis movie theory that the closer Elvis got to an ocean in a film the worse the film. In "Live a Little, Love a Little" Elvis plays a character who is a blend of Tony Curtis in "Don't Make Waves" (1967) and Jerry Lewis in "The Big Mouth (1967). Apparently those two films served as inspiration for this disaster. This is not a pleasant thing but its many mockfest moments can be perversely amusing. Most mockfest worthy is the horribly staged fight scene at the newspaper, which is both inexplicable and unnecessary; something that seems to be scotched-taped into the story because Elvis otherwise looks like a total wimp.

At least "Live a Little, Love a Little" has some Elvis songs. Of course those other films have Sharon Tate and Jeannine Riley, effortlessly sizzling actress. "Live a Little, Love a Little" has to rely on Michelle Carey, who manically works to get your attention like a one-trick pony mad for a carrot. But she is so hopelessly sterile that a viewer keeps wishing she would put on more clothes.

Carey heads up what is Elvis' worst ever supporting cast, none of them capable of generating a laugh or serving the audience identification function. I suspect that he lived in fear of being upstaged by someone with comedic talent or a trendy image as by 1968 the world had moved on and The King was still stuck in a Patti Page 50's time warp.

The is movie about two strangers who have been left behind by the most significant person in their lives, and about how this bonds them as they engage in a bold project to sail from New Orleans to the Azores on a homemade raft.

Much of the wisdom is communicated by the voice-over commentary of 16 year-old Millie (Maisie Williams) who sounds like a deep south version of Christina Ricci's character in "The Opposite of Sex". The film is a little clumsy and Millie's accent is unnecessarily over-the-top but it is a good message and an overall pleasing effort.

Most profound is Millie's ambiguous statement about people dying when nobody is looking and living while nobody is watching. By which she is expounding on both their bold but by design unobserved rafting effort and on the human condition where many lives are lived without making a ripple in the fabric of society. And perhaps a third meaning, that the cool kids are so caught up in their clique that they have defined and made a cursory dismissal of everyone, blissfully unaware that awesome things are happening all around them.

There is a particularly interesting image early in the film, a shopping cart tipped over at the water's edge with a helium balloon trapped inside the inverted basket. Again this has lots of meanings, free spirit Penny trapped in the twisted metal of her wrecked car and unable to soar, Henry trapped by his grief, and Millie trapped by her defenses and unable to connect with anyone.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

"I am a spirit of no common rate. The summer still doth tend upon my state"

declares Titania to Bottom in Act III Scene 1 of "A Midsummer Night's Dream". The gracious fairy queen has become a victim of a potion that has everybody falling in love with the wrong people. Her husband thought it would teach her a lesson for denying him. But after being dosed with the potion, she falls in love with Bottom (a commoner), who has been turned into a donkey. Love being blind, the joke is on her.

In the play within a play of "Jane Wants A Boyfriend" (2015), Titania is being played by a stressed out Bianca, the title character's older sister.

Shakespeare lets the audience share in his joke while viewers of "Jane Wants A Boyfriend" have to work a bit to figure it out. The joke being that Bianca's protectiveness toward her little sister is largely misplaced. Not only is it unnecessarily stressing out Bianca, it has become an obstacle to Jane's growth.

Jane has Aspergers, but processes a lot more than she is given credited for by Bianca. Childlike in many ways she is perceptive enough at age 25 to realize that her existence is becoming precarious, that her dependency on her parents cannot continue much longer. Accordingly, she is forcing herself to interact more with people. Guidance for this interaction is provided by watching old movies and observing people, mimicking their speech patterns and facial expressions. She refers to this as practicing.

Jack is the boyfriend that Jane wants. But like Titania's resentment of her husband's infidelities, Bianca disapproves of Jack's bed hopping and fear of commitment. She underestimates her little sister's off-kilter appeal and is afraid that any relationship she enters into with Jack will be brief.

Another parallel between the two stories is the unlikelihood of the match; the play's fairy queen loving a commoner becomes a neurotypical loving an Aspie. In "Dream" this is part of the joke, in "Jane" it is in large part the reason I embraced the film.

I like this film better than anything over the past couple of years. The ensemble casting and scripting was excellent, the acting-for-the-camera direction as good as you will find, the pacing perfect, and the editing solid. I especially like the scene transitions where the audio tracks begin a second before the new video track cuts in. The best of these when the film's title is said by Bianca over Jane's face and then later when the cheers and applause of the theater audience plays over the kiss.

The film is full of tiny touches that you barely notice during the first viewing, like when Bianca thanks the janitor for not running the sweeper while she was talking to Jane. They go out on Bianca and not the title character. With that you realize that this is actually Bianca's story, that she is the character who changed during the course of the narrative. And with this you suddenly realize that Dushku's underplayed performance is every bit as good as that of Krause, something quite unexpected as she is rarely asked to do something this restrained.

And be sure to watch the entire credit sequence because additional lines from the play are featured along with a several black and white sequences.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

I first saw "Hunting Party" (1971) at the base theater during my Air Force days. Films on base typically ran for only one day (three shows) and this was one of a handful that drew capacity crowds to the second and third shows due to "word of mouth" praise by those who attended the first screening.

If you liked Monte Hellman's "The Shooting" (1966) you will love this film as it appears to have served as the inspiration. It would in turn provide much of the inspiration the next year for "Chato's Land". All three films have the same tone and they share a lot of philosophical elements.

At the time of my first viewing I found the film extremely troubling as it aggressively broke many conventions of the western genre and introduced an almost unparalleled level of moral ambiguity; going well beyond "Bonnie & Clyde" and "The Wild Bunch". I dwelled on the film's themes endlessly after that viewing and I caution all potential viewers that they may find it deeply disturbing. Nevertheless it is an important film that blazes a lot of new territory, putting it on a very short list of "must see" features.

What with all the graphic violence it works surprisingly well as a love story. Because Candice Bergen went far deeper than her standard sterile heroine her improbable romance with Oliver Reed's character required little suspension of disbelief.

For me the two most memorable scenes are the ambush at the water hole and the sharing of the jar of peaches, scenes of incredible contrast which occur midway through the film. The acting for the camera direction of the peaches scene is extraordinary, with the unbridled joy of the threesome believably reinforcing earlier clues that many of the outlaws are simply people who have had to subordinate their basic goodness in order to survive in this environment.

"Hunting Party" included several allegorical elements ranging from fundamental commentary on the "Human Condition" to contemporary issues like the Viet Nam war. Brandt Ruger (Gene Hackman) describes his tactics as "hit and run", early 1970's audiences could not help but relate this to the Viet Cong. Ruger's ultimately self-destructive quest to recover his manhood reflected the country's inability to "cut & run" when it became clear that our intervention in Viet Nam was an exercise in futility.

The most interesting element is the way the film juxtapositions "taming of the west" elements with "Heart of Darkness" inspired descents into savagery. Thus evolving contrasts with devolving, with learning to read a civilizing element for the outlaw group and primitive rage the motivator for the civilized group.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

It's called "Bizaardvark" and involves the video production efforts of two teenage girls whose straight-laced school with its standardized uniforms and robotic student body does not get them. Lacking a creative outlet at school they have turned to online videos to express themselves, discover their identities, and maintain some level of sanity.

This unapologetic "iCarly" clone is of interest because it amps up the script sophistication while dialing down the gross-out infantile humor of that series; all the while taking a gentler tone. On its face this would appear illogical as it seems to be contradictory, saying goodbye to the "basket of deplorables" portion of the "iCarly" demographic while trying to attract some younger viewers and at the same time a more sophisticated audience segment.

Amazingly they seem to have succeeded in both, mostly by vastly improving on"iCarly" four main characters, while adding a hilarious Southern Belle version of Caroline Sunshine's "Shake-It-Up" character. As you become familiar with the series you begin to realize that it is closer in spirit to "Victorious" than to "ICarly", with much the same undercurrent of healthy subversion.

All five of these actors are easy to take. Olivia Rodrigo and Madison Hu bring a lot of effortless charm to Paige and Frankie. Jack Paul's and Ethan Wacker's characters grow on you after watching and re-watching several episodes. And DeVore Ledridge's Amelia is an absolute gem. The show might be derivative but Amelia breaks conventions by defying stereotypes, she is in effect a parody of herself beneath which one finds that she has considerable dimensionality.

Amelia best illustrates the unifying theme of the show, which is all about Paige and Frankie discovering that the cost of rushing to define and dismiss people is failure to discover important depth and dimensionality in each one of them. They already know this from how they are treated at school but are learning that it applies universally.

The videos each character creates for their respective internet audiences represent them living in their imaginations. And it is at this point that the link to "Victorious" becomes most obvious:

'Cause you know that if you live in your imagination, Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

Last night I happened to see an episode of Gunsmoke called "The Bobsy Twins" which was originally broadcast on May 21, 1960. This was the most philosophically ambitious episode of the entire long-running series. It concerns two aging brothers (Merle and Harvey Finney) who come west with the simplistic mission of ridding it of Indians. The viewer is introduced to them immediately as they cluelessly stumble across the prairie in search of Dodge City; hillbilly eastern rubes completely unequipped for navigation and survival in the sparsely populated vastness of the West. They are on foot, have not eaten in two days, and look scruffy enough to be Lil' Abner characters. "The Bobsy Twins" title is gradually explained as the viewer comes to understand that like Bert and Nan, these two brothers are children forever - at least mentally.

One of the most fascinating things about the Bobbseys is that they never aged. After the first books the publisher of the series realized that in real time Bert and Nan were soon going to be too old for their target audience, and he put the brakes on their aging. After that Bert and Nan were forever twelve and Flossie and Freddie forever six.

In the allegorical Gunsmoke episode Merle and Harvey are childlike characters, almost witless. They trace their simplistic but somewhat contradictory value system back to a revered father who among other things felt that it was not proper to murder anyone on Sundays, not because it is wrong to randomly kill but because Sunday should be a day of rest. But these impulsive and bloodthirsty "twins" find it impossible to keep even this basic commandment. Frustrated at encountering no Indians they instead kill a man who refuses to share his Sunday dinner with them and then kill a friendly cowboy in order to keep their involvement in the first murder a secret. Both murders are a little contrived, with the brothers basically looking for an excuse to kill someone.

Once in Dodge a cowboy (Richard Chamberlain) in the Long Branch tells them that the livery store owner is a full-blooded Cherokee and they set out to hang him.

What makes the episode so special is that writer John Meston (who originally wrote the story for radio) is not really going off on the hypocrisy of Christianity or of religion in general. Although after the murders they repent having done these deeds on what should have been for them a day of rest, Meston is using the "day of rest" thing allegorically to represent the many childlike minds that grasp hold of whatever simplistic influence is out there as a way to justify their self-indulgence. And their revered father represents those who would use the fear, hate, and prejudices of simpletons like the Finney's to manipulate them for their own purposes (a certain presidential candidate comes to mind).

While the brothers' nativist banter in this episode is sometimes amusing, it is mostly in the script to humanize them enough so that they cannot simply be dismissed by viewers as creatures of a more barbaric species.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

Rebecca: This is so bad it's almost good.

Enid: This is so bad it's gone past good and back to bad again.

Felt far more like a dumbed-down version of "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" (1969) than a remake of a 1960's secret agent show. Ill-conceived and poorly executed attempt to cash in once again on the pre-sold audience for anything "remotely" related to the U.N.C.L.E. franchise.

Since the main appeal of the original 1960's television show was its campy take on the 60's secret agent craze, a direction that the James Bond films would not take for another ten years, viewers would expect a homage with more of the same. This would mean cheapo production design, unrealistic action sequences, and Napoleon Solo in lip lock with six different beautiful young actresses every thirty minutes. More importantly those shows were fun for anyone willing to engage in a little self-knowing whimsy, identify with one of the characters, and go on that week's campy little adventure.

Unfortunately nobody associated with the 2015 production had much of a grasp on subtle or even unsubtle comedy and the thing is turned into an typical exercise in special effects excess and hyper-editing. Pretty much the opposite of everything that gave the original series its charm.

The target for this box office disaster was ladies and pre-teen girls getting off on Superman/Clark Kent actor Henry Cavill; whose minimalist acting style (or perhaps absence of acting talent) make him a worthy successor to expression challenged Robert Vaughn's Napoleon Solo. But this is a prequel and we learn that the first time Napoleon and Illya operated as a team was in pre - U.N.C.L.E. days. Robert Redford reboot Armie Hammer painfully plays the blonde Russian. For obvious reasons Hammer has generally been the kiss of death for all movies in which he has appeared over the past ten years. A "Springtime for Hitler" sort of thing.

In an effort to expand the target demographic the producers seem to have geared the promotional campaign around eye scorching Elizabeth Debicki who plays the bad girl. Those viewing the film for that reason will be somewhat disappointed. Although Debicki's performance is fine her screen time is brief and almost entirely in wide master shots. And while the promotional campaign sets you up for a decisive catfight sequence with the other actress (someone named Alicia Vikander); nothing happens between them. Despite all this Debicki easily wins the memorable character battle and you forget that Vikander and her tedious character were even in the film.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.

"A girl, sent by her parents to live with her two eccentric aunts and attend a new high school, finds out on her sixteenth birthday that she is a witch". This premise sets up Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996) to be a blend of "Bewitched" and "Mean Girls".

This teen movie belongs to the "high-school-queen-bee-gets-her-comeuppance" sub-genre of which there are endless examples. Apparently there is a huge viewing demographic who on some basic level repeatedly get off erotically or emotionally on this humiliation dynamic. The friendship and coming-of-age elements are almost incidental to the story.

More central for your thinking viewer are the moral dilemma and ethical considerations raised by the story. Sabrina competes with other girls in track and field events; winning several of them by using her powers to cheat. Little effort is made to show her in any sort of quandary over her decision to cheat. The story hedges a bit on this issue, as her magic is mostly used in response to unwarranted attacks by her rival; but in several of the track & field events her cheating makes losers out of all the other participants and no attempt is made at rationalization or justification.

The problem with casting someone like Melissa Joan Hart as your good girl love interest is the absence of even a hint of physical sizzle. Which means that to stay remotely credible with viewers, the bad girl she plays off has to be several erotic levels below Megan Fox; hence Tori Spelling lookalike Lalainia Lindbjerg as Katy Lemore (apparently a play on L'Amore). And Hart's rival Libby in the 1996-2003 series would be played by the even less sizzling Jenna Leigh Green. Which makes their inevitable comeuppances almost sterile. And since Katy does not rank especially high on the queen bee badness scale Sabrina's extreme revenge is way out of proportion. To appreciate the missed opportunity just check out Samantha's inspired abuse of rival Sheila Sommers (played by gorgeous Nancy Kovack) in several episodes of "Bewitched".

But the producers should get some credit for a glammed up Katy in the "Zapped" (1982) inspired final comeuppance scene. Although Sabina has tortured Katy throughout the movie she saves the most extreme for the end, reducing her rival to a disheveled and whimpering wreck. With this "Sabrina the Teenage Witch" sets a new standard in teen movie queen bee degradation, if that is your idea of a turn on or a good time. Going any further with this sort of thing would cross into "Carrie" territory and that is an entirely different genre.

Sabina's bad boy hunk Seth is played by sleepy looking Ryan Reynolds, he is relatively harmless and almost cluelessly disengaged. Reynolds would play an almost identical character three years later in "Dick". "Dead Like Me's" Daisy - Laura Harris - plays one of Katy's friends and has a lot of what the main actresses are missing.

Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.