Reviews

A series of mysterious, disjointed scenes that never add up to a concept.

Is this a small town conspiracy situation? A mind control situation? A time slip situation? A ghost situation? A psychotic break situation? A fevered coma-dream situation?

You'll never know.

A couple travels from Korea to some Minnesota north-woods town to experience the northern lights.

They're unable to get a rental car so end up in a rideshare car in which a young female is already a passenger.

The couple arrive at a remote rental cabin that turns out to not be stocked with anything, including towels.

The woman gets in the shower and the man goes off to fetch her a towel. Weirdly, every drawer and cupboard is empty.

While looking for a towel, the man hears knocking on a door but finds no one on the other side of said door.

He then discovers that the woman and all her belongings have suddenly vanished, mid shower.

The local redneck sheriff blames the man for her disappearance and throws him in jail despite the fact that, at this point, there's no evidence she ever even existed.

A female deputy sheriff sneaks the man out of the jail cell, opens the front door and tells the man to go find the woman.

The man (who, remember, is from Korea) wanders off into this totally unfamiliar, rural landscape.

Somehow he finds the AirBandB cabin. But when he peers into the window he finds it's a very a lived-in home.

He sneaks in, hears the shower running and, thinking it's his girlfriend, opens the bathroom door. But it's not her.

He bolts.

In town, he runs into the rideshare passenger from the night before and, without asking questions, she volunteers to help him.

They end up at the home of the rideshare driver and find him bloody and dead in his bedroom.

The sheriff arrives at the home so the man and the rideshare passenger hide. Sheriff sees the dead driver and begins looking under beds and behind doors. Just as he's about to open the closet door and discover the man, the rideshare passenger pops up out of her hiding place, deliberately distracting the sheriff and allowing the man to get away.

Off he goes again.

I'm going to skip ahead a bit here ...

Through a series of events the man tracks down a plumber who, for some reason, has his girlfriend's red hat. The man follows the plumber to his home and, wow, there she is! His girlfriend. What's more, she is happily married to the plumber!

There's a fight and the plumber gets shot. The girlfriend doesn't seem to know the man or (and this is floated) may believe he's the ghost version of the dude she dated way back in high school and, whom she's heard through the grapevine, had died in a car accident. In Korea.

Anyhoo ...

The man drags the girlfriend kicking and screaming out of the house, past the worst hostage negotiator ever (it's the redneck sheriff, BTW) and into the plumber's truck.

They drive. It's raining. There's an accident. But it's not the plumber's truck that gets hit, it's a different vehicle. The couple get calmly out of the plumber's truck and walk over to the other vehicle. Inside is ... them! They're looking at the bloodied, unconscious bodies of themselves.

Next thing you know we're at the local hospital. The man and woman have both fallen into comas and have been placed next to each other in the same room.

Now we're at the crash site and the plumber (who appears to have not been shot) is looking for something. Presumably the woman's hat (which is some sort of MacGuffin).

Update: I thought about it more. The plumber is looking for his hubcap. (We never hear from the red hat again which seemed to be significant. Oh well).

The sheriff arrives at the hospital and is saddened to hear a woman has died. But you, the viewer, aren't sure which woman has died. The rideshare passenger? Dunno. Then the sheriff goes to the couple's room. The sheriff is much softer now. Kind and compassionate. "Keep fighting guys. Hang in there," he says softly.

Now we're back at the crash site, in the rain. EMTs don't seems to be able to see the spectral couple as their non-spectral selves are pulled out of the car.

The spectral couple looks at the northern lights and agree that it (whatever "it" is) was all worth it.

Then, as the credits roll, you, the viewer, exclaim, "You've got be kidding me. What???"

If you make it to the end, you'll find that, of the many weird questions posed, not a single one has been answered.

Have you ever listened to a podcast or radio show in which the host holds up a photo for whoever's in the studio? You, the poor sap who can only hear the sounds coming out of your device, can tell it's a really interesting photo because the people in the studio are making appreciative noises. But YOU can't see it because you're on the other end of a an audio-only medium.

Now imagine that, flipped. You're looking at a screen, staring intently with your eyesballs, but all you're getting is audio and what amounts to a fancy screen saver. The screensaver does little to enhance the experience. You may as well be staring at your microwave oven door or the framed poster on your bedroom wall.

Why did the masterminds behind "Calls" think anyone would sit through multiple episodes once they realized they were never going to get to see the picture.

I could go along with this thinking-outside-of-the-tv-box if it blazed some new trail; turned the medium on its head in the name of art but it's, literally, a podcast or radio play coming through your tv or computer screen.

I feel bad doing this but, as I was thinking about what I wanted to say about "Night Swim," I realized that I wrote a review in 2020 that mostly works for this movie as well.

The movie was "The New Daughter," starring Kevin Costner.

"Single parent (change that to two parents, but one is sick). Sullen teenage girl. Lovable adolescent boy. Fresh start. New house. A spooky thing lurking about.

There that's the movie."

+++

Night Swim is an ok but formulaic horror flick. Nothing new to see here. It's all about whether you connect with the characters.

This time the monster is in the swimming pool.

Not sure how many days are represented here but I do know this: there's no way nine or ten bodies can stack up over a one-to-two week period and not a single person comes a knockin' to look for the loved one who's last known - and by that I mean not concealed at all - location was at the house where all the killin' is occurring.

Not one.

The victims aren't society's marginalized either. They're not the homeless, the drug addled or otherwise forgotten. The victims are young, middle class, employed people with bosses and friends and family. Presumably they all drove cars to the house where all the killing is occurring. So that must mean at least five nice cars are stacked up in the driveway too.

I could say plenty about other aspects of the plot but, why bother. The main premise is so ridiculous as to be insulting to the viewer's intelligence.

I will say this though: I figured out what was to be the big reveal in the first 20 minutes: They're not just 'Mickey-and-Mallory' type lovers. They're siblings. Twins. That did nothing to improve or add depth to the story.

In 2011 I watched every episode of "The Booth at the End."

Each episode dealt with a different person in need of a favor. The person in need of the favor would enter a diner, go to the last booth and sit down across from "The Man." The Man would agree to grant the favor for a price ... such as, the favor-asker would have to set off a bomb.

After the task was completed, the favor would be granted through some supernatural method.

As the mystery deepened of who or what The Man was, I grew more and more invested. It was absolutely riveting, first class film/video making.

And then, as I realized I'd gotten to the final episode ... and then the final minutes of the final episode ... I started to get worried. 'They're going to reveal The Man's nature ... right?!?'

They did not.

I took to the internet looking for answers and eventually came across an interview with the creator of The Booth at the End. He reveled it was never so much about resolving the mystery as it was about writing the situations. I don't think they ever intended to tell us who The Man was. I don't think they even knew themselves. And then it was cancelled so it didn't matter if they did or didn't.

The whole thing was a fun exercise for the creator/writer.

I got the same feeling from the Consultant. I decided to watch it because I love Christopher Waltz. (Do I though? Or am I just bewitched by the charming sociopath he always plays to perfection? Whatever. He's good at it).

Anyway ... like The Booth, The Consultant raises many enigmatic questions.

And, ultimately, doesn't answer most of those questions!

So watch it if you don't mind a fun ride that has no destination.

Seven stars because it was a fun ride.

... in which all the white people are malevolent savages and, at the end of the day (or road), get what they deserve.

Along the way it's a fast paced action adventure with four sympathetic characters - Brenda, Reggie, Kelly and Cam - a whole bunch of unsympathetic characters and a few nice songs including "Where Do We Go From Here" by Alicia Keys, "Pain in My Heart" by Otis Redding and "Good Day" by Nappy Roots.

Queen Latifah is on point as a widowed mother of two trying to keep her family together and on the right path as they make their way from California to Texas to start a new life. But there are so many malevolent savages on the path!

Beau Bridges character almost surprises by not playing to type. But then, well ... you'll see.

Sisters get trapped under a swimming-pool cover seconds before the dude in charge of the pool leaves for an extended holiday weekend. Oh no! Nobody will be back for four days! They'll never survive that long!

Now that you know the entire movie takes place inside this cold, dark, blue, confined space you're gonna want to scroll ahead ... maybe stopping every couple dozen frames to check on their progress.

Looks like the usual fare: desperate escape attempts, emotional confessionals and an impending health episode for the diabetic sister who is separated from her life-saving diabetes medicine.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

Wait ... what's this? Someone shows up who can set them free. Oh dear. It's the parolee locker-room attendant who was recently fired for rifling through swimmer's belongings.

Never mind, she has her own issues and instead of saving the sisters, decides to steal their stuff.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

Now the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant is lying on top of the pool cover describing her demons to the trapped sisters beneath her. There seems to be some begging, bargaining and internal conflict going on.

Scroll, scroll, scroll ....

The sister who hasn't suffered a health episode seems to have punched her way through the pool cover and is now sitting on the cement next to pool with unconscious sister's head in lap.

As conscious sister begs unconscious (maybe dead) sister to wake up, the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant reappears with gun. She's gotten herself into a real pickle. She's gonna have to shoot them to cover her crime of 1. Not rendering assistance and, 2. Stealing their stuff.

After all that physical and emotional effort to get out from under the pool cover, they're going to die anyway. Bummer.

But wait! The just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant has a moral pang and drops her gun. The conscious sister has a sympathy pang and tells the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant to "go." They exchange knowing glances and the just-fired-parolee-locker-room-attendant runs.

Skip to next scene and the first new location since the opening scene. We're now outside the building.

Cue sirens.

Diabetic sister is now on a gurney. Her eyes flutter open. Sisterly hug filled with new understanding of and appreciation for each other ensues.

The end.

And that's how you watch a totally predictable, poorly acted, claustrophobic 90-minute movie in just under ten minutes.

It's competent acting and filming which is why you continue watching.

Ultimately, though, you realize the premise makes no sense. A doppelgänger suspended in time, that never grows up? But what, then, with its phantasmal, ghostly nature? What exactly is it? Weird, scary double or ghost?

What. Are. The. Rules? You ask and never get an answer.

Also, you roll your eyes when you realize the stupid high tech voice activated lifestyle system is nothing but a delivery device for the doppelgänger/ghost ... but you're never sure why.

Dumb.