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joebjackson
Reviews
Reality Bites (1994)
For a movie called Reality Bites, the characters sure have nothing to complain about!
Look, I get that being a young adult ain't easy, they're a lot of issues in life no matter what age...except for the characters in this movie. Winona Ryder's character (lelaina) is a horrible person who steals 900 dollars from her father...because she's "Rebellious" and Ethan Hawke's character (Troy) is one of the most despicable people ever put to film. Apathetic, pretentious, egotistical, despicable, he's just an awful character. AND YET, these two are our leads who we root for! THESE TWO! Lelaina is a stealing, whiny, pathetic child while Ethan is a lazy, jerk who thinks his music will be his career (ignoring the fact his music makes Creed sound like The Band)hey Ethan, most people who have a music passion tend to have a job so they can support themselves while chasing their dreams...just a thought...oh wait you have parents willing to support you and give you money but they're just "The Man" to you. ugh.... This movie is framed like were supposed to root for these two when characters like this should be framed as if they were the horrible people they are and consequences happen to them (a la Trainspotting) instead they are just two cool rebels...The only three likable characters either get barely any screen time (Janeane Garofolo's character and Steve Zahn who deserved much better) Apparently to this movie, being privileged sucks too...was this movie made by those whiny teenagers in class who make those poems that mean absolutely nothing?
But my biggest question is...what is the point of this movie? Was this was meant to be a satire of the 90s? Well it came out too early in 1994 for this to satirize it...but even if it wasn't it was not framed like a satire. It was filmed as a serious movie... Was it to relate to teenagers or young adults? Maybe so but I'd hate to meet the people who are like this, because in real life there are consequences and for stuff like the characters in this movie, it's not a good consequence. Was it too be a nice romantic comedy? Well it fails there amazingly since the characters are so horrible. NO I'll tell you what it's purpose was, CASH! This movie is perfect pandering towards this kind of demographic, let's face it, teenagers are idiots and they will dig this kind of stuff, how ironic that a movie against the man was made by the man (BTW, that's irony Ethan Hawke. Not the actual meaning is the complete opposite of the literal meaning) Now there are people who apparently relate to this movie and say "That's what I was like" IF that's the case 1. NO WAY did you get out of something similar to that without ANY consequences like in this cinematic abomination. 2. Is that really a good thing? Most of the time when you look back on stuff like this you say "Wow...I was a complete idiot." Bottom line...I hate this movie...I hate everything about...The only good acting comes from Jeane, Steve and Ben Stiller (who I forgot to mention gets ridiculed for GASP having a steady, desirable job and being nice!) everyone else is awful, it's shot poorly. If this movie summed up Gen X than thank god we moved on from those days, things were better in those days? If it's like this movie than that is completely wrong!
No One Would Tell (1996)
If not for the "based on a true Story" part than this would have been laughed off of hallmark!
Now don't get me wrong, it is horrible when abuse like this happens in the real world. Abuse is no doubt a subject that should be dealt with care...this movie does not to a good job of that. First off, starting the movie with the revelation is a bad idea and the film has no surprises after, we know whats going to happen, it all depends on how and when.
The good: fred and Candice held up well in the acting department for the most part. It is trying to deal with a serious issue
The bad: Bobby is as subtle as a gun to the face! He is always acting creepy, cruel or psycho even in scenes where he should not be. Now of course I can forgive that so long as we have a smart sympathetic lead...Stacy is horribly annoying! She is always complaining about the stuff she should not be, and keeps going back to bobby despite clear evidence he is insane. She goes back not once or twice like any believable person, but 7 times!!! And only during the sixth does she dump him, only to go back to him, calling him a friend!!! And after that...slaps her and then let's him drive her home!!! Actually whenever someone questions Stacy about bobby she always whines and says "you're just jealous because you can't find love!!!". What a horrible character! This is what kills the movie! Stacy is such a dumb idiot! If this really is based on a true story than I sincerely hope that the real person was not like this! Bye is clearly a horrible person and actual physical evidence of abuse Is on her body, but noooo!
That aspect is really the only reason the movie get praised, it's based on a true story! If it was not than it would be shunned! The movie feels like one of those horrible teen dramas that use factors like this for a free pass. However, things like those are exploitive of the subject. Films like this should explore not exploit! I have no doubt a lot of the movie was made up and I pray to god that is the case.
Contagion (2011)
Great execution save for the ending
Wow never would I have thought to be really impressed and really disappointed at the same time (I'll get into that later!) Now the plot is basically somehow a virus has been spreading throughout all the world and it kills within approximately 3 days at most. Now there is a huge cast of characters and talkalot about them would be spoiling a lot so I will only briefly refer to them to not give anything away. The film is brilliantly directed with harsh realism in both the shooting and in the science. The science steals the show as it is so realistic and amazingly accurate that it is surprising for this type of disaster movie. All the actors do a good job save for a few but thats what happens when you have a cast this large. Now with all of this the movie should be flawless right? No. There is a major flaw and that is the ending! It is one of the most anticlimactic, cliché and downright laughable endings I have ever seen! Now I'd hate to be spoiling something but I have to in this case. They find the vaccine and inject a lot of people and Matt Damon's daughter (Who only had a few scenes with her boyfriend)Dances with the boyfriend and then the movie just ends there! No possible side effects of the vaccine, no aftermath of the outbreak nothing intelligent it just ends on two boring teenagers dancing! This is something you would see in a teenage end of the world movie not this science heavy movie. I feel as though they just ended there even though they probably had more in mind. Oh well, with the exception of the ending please go see this movie!
Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam'in Oglu (2006)
As a sequel it fails, as a comedy it fails and as a comedic sequel IT JUMPS THE MEGA SHARK
Once upon a time there was a film called Turkish Star Wars at least thats what everyone calls it) The film is one of the most loved bad films for its ripping of stock footage from Star Wars, the poor effects, the silly action and the ridiculous plot! So 20 years later they try to make a sequel and not just a sequel A COMEDIC SEQUEL even though the first movie was taken seriously! That is a bad idea from the start a it differs too much from the tone of the first movie which while it was silly it was taken seriously which adds to the appeal. The first flaw in this movie is the jokes are horrible! The jokes are so forced you would probably be seriously injured from the sudden force! The timing is awful as well mainly because they either go on for too long or they are so quick you would not even realize they were jokes. The movie relies on too many stereotypes and predict-abilities like a dog on the spaceship who is pissing on the equipment or an old lady who is the maid or a child soldier or heck an old man who is always asleep LOLROFLMAOBBQ!!!!!! the production value are decent but they are too good because the original was had a dirt poor budget which adds to the film's appeal but production values in this movie are not used for comedic effect even!!!! In case you have not realized there is no plot!!! The movie is just an hour and a half long three stooges skit in space (and if I wanted to watch that I would have watched The Three Stooges in Orbit!) the movie pretends it has one with the son of the protagonist from the first movie but he is painfully dull and random stuff just happens! Do not watch this movie! If you want comedy sci fi than go watch Red Dwarf, Mars Attacks!, Spaceballs, Galaxy Quest or The movie version of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy just anything but this!!!!
Super teukgeup Majingga 7 (1983)
the pinnacle of a so bad it is good animated film.
to start off I will say I love Japanese animation shows like digimon and yugioh helped me get into foreign animation from other countries. One country I have been interested in for a while is Korea. Korea has made some great animated films like my beautiful girl mari, yobi the five tailed fox and even the film wonderful days (or sky blue in some territories) has some of the best animation I have ever seen. now this was a low budget attempt to knock off the Japanese anime series mazinger z but it does it in such a way it hilarious. the voice acting is hilariously bad with actors either too over the top or so monotone you would swear they were Microsoft Sam. animation for the most part is decent but then they cut corners like dragging mazinger (yes they did not even change the robot's name? across the screen flying his fist straight into missiles. some characters disappear and reappear and sometimes outer space turns into a blue sky. all the characters are puppets and the main villain is a evil robotic king named Alfred! I would tell you the plot but if there i one I cant find it because it is buried among a mound hilariously bad voice acting and animation! if you like so bad its good anime like garzey's wing, MD geist or bible black (though that one is a porno but with hilariously bad dubbing)than this is thee title for you along with Joseph lai's other productions!
Barnyard (2006)
an unfunny movie that thinks kids will watch anything and like it
now I am aware this movie is for kids but seriously why watch this when you have toy story, beauty and the beast, spirited away, shrek and more why force your kids to watch this?!?! The plot is that there is a farm where animals come to life and party but Otis (played by Kevin James) has a father (voiced by *sigh* Sam Elliot from the Big Lebowski to this) who wants the farm to be normal. Later two girl cows (voiced by wanda sykes and COURTNEY COX?!?!)come and join them one of them being PREGNANT! also there these weasels who come to the farm and kill Otis's dad and kidnap all the chickens and its up to the cows and other farm animals to save them. thats the plot onto the animation which is terrible! The cgi is very poor with every character looking very ugly and look very clay like. The humor is not funny with only one funny joke (when Otis and the pregnant cow are by a fire) But the biggest offense is the voice acting with everyone sounding like they don't want to be in this movie and whats sad is some great talent is wasted with like I said Kevin James, Courtney Cox, Samee Elliot, Wanda Sykes but more like Danny Glover and even some of voice acting greats like John Dimaggio (voice of Bender), Cam Clarke (one of the best anime voice actors ever) and even ROB PAULSEN!?!?! (Animaniacs, the mask cartoon and more) what a waste of talent and money
The Nutshack (2007)
the 'boondocks" but without the appeal, good animation, good writing, good music etc
I have always loved cartoons that try to be different. thats why I liked the Boondocks for it being intelligent, risqué, well animated and having some nice appeal for everyone. Then comes along a knockoff likes this that basically has the same plot. 2 jerk wad kids go to "the hood" and live with a strange old man and get into strange dilemmas along with a girl who occasionally has an on again off again relationship with the main characters.if hat wasn't enough the animation in this show is terrible! all the characters look ugly, poorly detailed and move in a jerky way (word of advice to anyone who is in television animation. NEVER I repeat NEVER use the skeleton effect in flash it makes all your characters look like robots, give them limited activity and it just looks bad all around!") Now I'm able to get past bad animation and it being sort of a knockoff as long as its well written. well...here its no funny...AT ALL!!!! the jokes are terrible most of them dealing with sex jokes we had already heard a million times before. And sometimes they just got bizarrely bad like with a joke involving the main lead masturbating in front of his friends to summon he Buddhist god of barrels (with apologies to Buddhists EVERYWHERE!!!) Going into audio the voice acting is terrible they are either annoying, not funny, boring or just non comprehensible. I could not understand a word the main lead was saying at all and quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn. Then there's the music, I liked the music in the boondocks but he rap in this is terrible heck, the main theme is just a repetition of the title over and over and over again. My advice go watch anything else cause here are much better adult cartoons dealing with the hood out there's AHEM! BOONDOCKS & Friday THE ANIMATED SERIES!!! AHEM!!!
La leggenda del Titanic (1999)
an insult to people who were involved with the real titanic.
The story for the beginning is a carbon copy of James Cameron's's Titanic...except this version includes talking rats. also th villain played by Greg snegoff (the rapping dog from that other titanic movie!) wants to steal the whaling rights of the world from the girl's father (how does he own all those rights?) and also wants to sink the titanic for some reason and calls upon an evil shark army (you heard me right) to get a giant octopus to throw an iceberg (from under water mind you)and hit the titanic. later all the passengers try to escape and luckily the octopus helps keep the titanic from sinking?!?! oh and the rats help by conducting electricity through one rat's mustache to send an sos? (and he doesn't die?!) and in the end everyone lived and the bad guys get away (with the successfully stolen whaling rights mind you)and they all lived happily ever after......you heard me right when discussing the technicals the animation is alright for low budget but it still looks rather poor (but better than the sequel)the voice acing for the most part is pretty wooden but they at most do their jobs. surprisingly the dubbers did a fine job dubbing this and I give them an applause for trying. but none of that saves this thing from its biggest flaw its story....NOT EVERYONE MADE OFF THE TITANIC LIKE THE MOVIE SAID, THAT OCTUPUS NEVER HAPPENED, SWING DANCING WAS NOT INVENTED UNTIL THE SIXTIES, HOW DID THAT MOUSE WITH THE MSUTACHE NOT DIE FROM THE ELECTRICITY, WHY ARE ALL THE CHARACTERS SO BLAND, WHY WHY WHY????????????????? but i will say this..its better than the sequel which featured a rapping shark. that is tentacolino or in search of titanic
Tentacolino (2004)
who, what, where, when and why
the following movie has been rated W for WHAT THE CRAP!!! for a rapping shark, living toy soldiers, everyone on the titanic surviving, atllanteans, musical numbers including one with auto tune, abysmal dubbing, a shark that hates yellow though he himself is yellow,bad edits,bad animation, racially insensitive stereotypes,a fish that sounds like big gay Al (who has a musical number), a giant bate between atlanteans and sharks, almost no historical accuracy, a giant cute octopus and finally the best death threat ever!! (If those sharks do anything bad i'll tear out all of their teeth and make them into the most beautiful necklace you'll ever seen!!!) So in conclusion, Don't WATCH THIS!!!!!