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Reviews
3 from Hell (2019)
Unwanted abomination
House of 1000 corpses was a mess but you could see a glimmer of hope, The Devils Rejects took a left turn and was a brilliant grindhouse road movie. But the delay in cashing in on that movies success was a long road, in which Zombie veered into bad movie after bad movie before he decided he would try to cash in on Rejects success to bolster his own failures. But this whole concept of a movie just failure after failure. Sid Haig is poorly missed here, he was the backbone of the first two movies and with his passing, there was nobody in this movie who could replace him. For a third feature, the basic understanding of scenarios playing out to set up the next scene are either ignored or poorly written. The violence itself is tame and the acting all over the place, especially by Mrs Moon herself, where abouts Baby was an interesting character in the first two, here she is just overacting whilst her husband feeds her delusion. What a waste of time this whole movie was.
Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)
$200 million blame game. A big 0/10
Imagine making a $200+million dollar movie then blaming each other why it failed. And what an unworthy, unwanted and unwarranted sequel it was. Straight of the bat, this movie set out to alienate its fans. Whilst the first joker movie was a great character study whilst skirting the DC lore, this abysmal turd decided to go in a direction nobody asked for. As a fan of the Harley character, I hated Margo's interpretation in suicide squad.. but Gagas portrayal was possibly the worst incarnation of Harley ever put to screen. The writers and director and lack of a better word, stars behind this sewer turd sludge should be embarrassed and issue an apology for this movie. And making it a musical? It was bad enough but they decided hey, we have gaga.. her fans will love it.. all in all... this is by far the worst film of 2024 by miles. IMBD needs a zero rating asap.
Seed (2006)
The worst movie ever made.. negative 100. Avoid at all costs
This might just be the worst movie ever made, and that's something to behold. Every agonising minute of this film is truly atrocious, and not in the its so bad it's good horror way.. it's just bad on every conceivable level. This movie is why IMBD needs to start a zero rating asap. Let's start with the biggest elephant in the room, the killer, after he has been captured, is still allowed to wear a mask in jail. Let that sink in.. he keeps a mask on from arrest to execution.. f@cking how? Character development? 70s porn had better acting and better scripts than this turd. The kills? Lame and done better on lower budget movies. Drama? Nope. Suspense? Hahaha... in the pantheon of truly bad movies.. this is the crusty part of dung that even starving flies wouldn't touch. Nothing makes sense , nothing is creative and nothing is what you are given. Yet somehow this , lack of a better word, director.. still makes movies. How I wish I could have gotten back all those minutes I wasted on this dried unimaginative turd.
Woman of the Hour (2023)
Solid debut worthy of a watch
Anna Kendrick has done an amazing first directorial debut which showcases not just her beauty but her brains. She has crafted a multi leveled character driven story on a serial killer who roamed the states in the 70s. Where she could have gone the route of showcasing the violence as most movies do, she chooses her shots carefully not lingering upon the violence but leaving your imagination to fill in the blanks. Beautifully written and filmed, the movie does not glorify the violence but showcases the misogyny that plagued that era which allowed people like Alcala to continually murder without repercussions. Anna Kendrick shines as does Daniel Zovatto who plays Alcala and the young actress Autumn Best shines as young Amy who eluded Alcala. Not your glorified serial killer movie filled with loads of violence, but a slow burner of a thriller. Kudos belong to everyone involved in this movie. Well worth a watch.
The Lords of Salem (2012)
Proof Zombies who work together shouldnt
I've lost count on how many times I've been hyped to see a Rob Zombie film, only to be let down. His crown achievement will forever be The devils rejects, and since then, he has tried to grab that glory over and over again, only to end up crashing hard. It's not to say the Zombie isn't talented or creative, it's just maybe he should allow somebody with more skills to take his thoughts and shape them without his ego steering the ship. And maybe consider having somebody else play a pivotal role that's not his wife. I'm not saying Sheri Moon is a bad actor, she shows promise, but is severely hampered by her husbands script and lack off character development. Whilst Sheri is beautiful to look at, she does her self no favours by following her husbands commands. Lords of Salem fails spectacularly as a movie. Telegraphed scare scenes, the cliched sudden loud jarring music to any sequence, the abundance of naked females for the sake of naked females and a lot more Zombie psychosis imagery make this a dull movie. Shame, as there is such great talent on show here, but Zombie fails to utilise these stalwarts of horror. After his abysmal Halloween entries and his fall from studio backed films, Zombie has become the Zac Snyder of horror movies.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man (2024)
Better than Hellboy 2019, but not by much
Sadly we will never see the final part of Guillermo del Torres Hellboy movies, but instead will be inundated with creators vision reworks. Hellboy the crooked man is definitely a more faithful adaptation to Mike Mignolas comic book and looks like a fan made it. Hellboy 2019 was a bigger budget failure which tanked worst than green lantern, the only saving grace to that whole dumpster fire of that movie was Milla jovovich, who always looks amazing even if she can't really act. This Hellboy movie has no actors who can command any screen presence, the script is bland, the low budget hampers any decent thrills or action set pieces and the acting, I could excuse it but can't, having Appalachian dialogue spoken by method actors makes it hard to hear what they are saying half the time.
Overall Mike Mignola got what he desired and he is largely at fault for this unwanted abortion of a movie. Avoid at all costs.. this movie has no redeeming qualities.
Terrifier 3 (2024)
Leone you master
Not even 30 minutes since I saw this third entry and just let me say... wow... and if you ask why my wow didn't give it 10 stars? Well the answer is simple.. Elliot Fullam.. albeit his presence is limited to just a fraction of scene time than he had in part two, his beyond grating can't emote acting skill creates a dull lull in this absurd horror fantasy, thankfully he doesn't play a big part in the whole. And believe the hype, the kills in this movie are brilliantly staged and executed (pun intended). This feels and looks like a huge big budget horror movie with brilliant photography, lighting and editing. Every scene constructed and put to the screen with such love and vision.
Damien Leone has created one of, if not, the best part three's of any genre of movies. The story much more solid, the script tighter, the gore... beyond brilliant, and the acting, compared to part one.. oscar worthy, in part to the new scream queen, Lauren LaVera and the new bogeyman of this generation Art the clown, perfectly portrayed by David Howard Thorton. When studios take a risk and help fund low budget horror movies, the diamond in the rough emerges, and with a bigger budget, better gore and actors on their A game, we can see there is a future for Art the clown. And a shout out to all the cinema chains across the world who showed courage screening it.
The Crow (2024)
Supernatural John Wick
What can I say about this train wreck? I had misgivings about watching this especially being a fan of the original, and damned if I didn't try not to watch this movie, but I've always said watch a bad movie first before judging it. And I'm not surprised on just how bad this movie really is. Even if it hadn't been a remake, it would still be a horrible movie. Usually you could do pro's and cons, but you would need some pros to make an argument to challenge the cons.
Imagine watching John Wick and saying lucky he has those custom bullet proof clothing to make it through each battle, then somebody decided to remove the clothing and add a supernatural element instead. This is what this remake boils down too, a supernatural John Wick. It's an insult to the memory of the late Brandon Lee and the legacy movie his family and director Alex pryos gave to us in the 90s. Every inch of the original crow movie was perfect, from the set designs, music, script and acting alongside great director and the final performance of Brandon Lee. The city felt dirty and dangerous, the villains given enough screen time before their deaths to engage you and enjoy their demise. This crow remake doesn't even bother with characters getting even enough screen time to flesh out their villains. Instead they just appear and are dispatched in short time with the majority of the film given to show this doomed love story between junkies and supernatural mumbo-jumbo. Imagine working on this movie knowing full well it would be poorly received and be a box office flop yet still push forward to finish it off. In the world of remakes, this is truly up there with the worst.
Nothing in this movie is memorable and should have been written off as a tax write off and never given the light of day to be seen by anyone.
Sector 36 (2024)
A trip down a dirty corrupt society
Wow, I would never had thought I would watch an Indian movie and be so impressed. And to give it top marks too. On show here is truly one of those serial killer movies that comes along once in awhile and just sticks the landing perfectly. This stands alongside Zodiac, Silence of the lambs and Henry:portrait of a serial killer. The performances on show here are top notch. The script and direction on fire. We are introduced to not just the principal characters but are also immersed into the gritty culture and corruption that play in the backdrop of this movie. Aditya Nimbalkar has woven a brilliant fictional account of the truly heartbreaking true story of the children killed by this serial killer whilst being hunted by the determined once corrupt cop. Both Vikrant Massey and Deepak Dobriyal shine with brilliant performances. Trust me. This movie will hook you in, make you angry and leave you with many unanswered questions. But trust me when I say this, this movie is brilliant.
Borderlands (2024)
Takes Morbious's crown as worst adaptation
Eli Roth needs to apologise and go to the dunce corner like David Gordon Green. Seriously IMBD needs to create a zero star rating. This movie needs to have been written off for tax reasons before it was released upon the world. As an avid Borderlands gamer, I prayed for a great adaptation, but once casting was revealed, I knew from beyond a shadow of a doubt we would be seeing the return of failed game to movie adaptation. This movie takes its place alongside the 90s Super mario brothers movie and every movie Uwe Boll ever made. Every single actor in this atrocity is massively miss cast and badly written. Kudos to Kevin Hart for making us hate him even more. Cate and Jaimie should also stop trying to reach out to younger audiences, they are no longer relevant and should retire. As for Eli Roth, he should take a page out Zac Snyder's book and relegate himself to netflix for life. Overall a beyond badly written movie which no writer involved has ever played the game.
The Lie: The Murder of Grace Millane (2023)
Her name is Grace Millane
This is a amazing documentary which shines the light on the darkness women encounter around the world. A beautiful soul extinguished by the actions of a cowardly maggot. This documentary is very thoughtful in its approach. It never sets out to tarnish the victim like the courts do, instead it shows how determined the justice system was when the world's spotlight was on them. The law enforcement gave their all with such brilliant investigation, all whilst the coward lied and kept lying, trying to tarnish Grace, but never succeeding due to the evidence that he supplied. Killers like this maggot never fail to suprise me with how inept their egos are and somehow still believe they are superior. Grace was taken from this world but was loved by family, friends and all who followed her journey. Her legacy will never be forgotten, whilst the coward rots in prison, his name will always be synonymous with his crime. Bravo to the director in her approach to this case. No woman should ever be a victim to any man's sick fantasy, and one day we can only hope there will be a future where crimes like this will never ever be a normalised hushed up secret.
Game of Thrones (2011)
Season 8 ruined everything
How can a show that showcased such brilliance be allowed to finish its run with a season so badly written and rushed that it undone everything it had built so beautifully?
So many seasons that were just perfectly written, such great storyline and character development that you are drawn into this world hook line and sinker. The amount of money spent is mind boggling but it shows in every beautifully crafted minute. Characters you love, love to hate and everything in-between. Season 6 and 7 started to faulted but showcased some amazing battles. But along came season 8.. and everything came crashing down hard. Rushed and badly written, season 8 becomes an abomination. It undoes every character arc that was built and rushed events and character deaths where so badly written, we were never given the chance to see what could have been. I will never comprehend why they allowed this season 8 to be produced and we in our lifetime will never get another season that can undo the damage. Shame about that. I wish imbd would create a rating system for seasons and another system with a zero star too. Because in the end.. season 8 is a perfect zero.
Jackpot! (2024)
Absurdities abound but fun all round
Awkwafina maybe wasn't the right casting call but she does all right in this absurd action comedy... but again.. John Cena steals the show. Don't know why the haters hate this movie, it never set out to be the action comedy of the decade. It was just a fun romp which it feels it succeeded in obtaining. The action is very well staged but very pg friendly with its R rating coming from its language. Simon Lui is the predictable villain alongside the 40 plus inhabitants of the city which is meant to have millions of citizens, but it is a dire t to streaming movie so it's understandable to just have the same citizens in every sequence. John Cena seems to be finding the right projects as of late and relishes in the roles he's given. It's fun yet predictable but hey, watch it and see for yourself.
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Epitome of bad taste on all 3 parts
When it comes to the word bad... this trilogy must be included in that definition. I am reviewing all 3 movies in this review. Firstly this is as low brow as a high concept idea can go. Tom Six truly must have some serious mental issues growing up and it shows in his creations. There's a market for this kind of schlock and Six went all in to get the winning formula and well done to him. I don't hate this trilogy, I applaud just how outlandish the idea is and being a generation X'er, what gore is on show and subject matter is pretty tame by my standard. Part one is very tame in all aspects with his idea bearing fruit. Part two is the redheaded illegitimate offspring and felt deliberately written and filmed to push boundaries and Part 3 is Six on lsd with a bigger budget. The acting on show here is truly beyond bottom of the barrel, but hey, it's not up for Academy awards. Would love to see how Six, if he ever decides to make another Centipede movie can outdo what part 3 did on scale.
Longlegs (2024)
Slow burning serial killer thriller
Well, mixed reviews and lots of people hating this movie.. but I still went in head first keeping an open mind. Firstly, the cinematography is beautiful as is the subtle character build ups and well shot long drawn out sequences.
The acting is quite subdued which helps draw long dialogue free shots. But then we have the long legs himself chewing up the scenery with a disturbing make-up facial effect which makes him look like John Voight done by AI. Lots of heavy religious and anti religious rhetoric becomes apparent half way through the build up and that's where I believe the hatred for rhis movie cones into play. Yes, the first half sets up like silence of the lambs with fbi female agent hunting serial killer then the second half takes a supernatural turn to land its premise down hard. It's a good movie, but it should of kept to one underlying theme from start to finish instead of jumping from one to another. Still worth a watch though.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
A tale of 2 directors
SPOILERS AHEAD. What can I say? The anticipation and dread walking into this movie had me conflicted.. Having Fede direct an Alien movie had me hoping beyond hope for a new horror theme take on this multiple failed franchise... but the dread knowing Ridley Scott was attached made me aware that his tinkering would derail Fede's vision. And Ridley definitely directed the second half of this movie without any doubt. The first half of this movie has Fede DNA all over it and I would give the first half a 8 out of 10... the second half is beyond any doubt Scott and I would give it a zero out of ten. Ridley Scott needs to be removed from any input when it comes to the Alien franchise. Even the ending is stolen from Alien resurrection with his Alien hybrid replacing the Ripley hybrid. Sad second half which makes you think you were harsh when Alien resurrection came out, as I said earlier, it's a tale of two movies, and fede should have not decided to allow Scott on set in any form.
Holy Spider (2022)
Although not accurate.. still a good movie
Based on a true story.. only means you need a small part of the whole shocking story to use that tag line. But don't get me wrong, this is a good serial killer movie with great performances, great directing and a gritty look at how a religious country looks upon its women as second rate and worse. Straight off the bat we are shown the desperation of a female victim pushing herself to make ends meet before untimely meeting her demise all in an unflinchingly raw opening which continues throughout the movie. We are introduced to the killers dual personality as a serial killer and as a family man. We get the determined reporter risking her life to unmask the killer, a religiously devoted legal system alongside the holy men who seem to endorse the killings alongside the religious community. This leads into an deceptive ending, which is well played out.
Madame Web (2024)
32 minutes was enough
Very rarely have I not finished watching a bad movie, hell.. I even watched Zac Snyder's rebel moon part one and two, even though it took multiple viewing sessions. But Madame Web was straight out honestly the most tedious and horrendous 32 minutes of my life and I just couldn't complete it. The review I'm giving is based only on the that time period I sacrificed my time on which I can't get back.. but hold on.. it could've gotten better right? I'm going to say not a chance.. this is celluloid taco Bell diarrhoea and there's only so much pain I could endure. If I wanted to see beautiful women who can't act on a script written by brain dead monkeys with special effects straight from a 90s porn movie, I'd download from pornhub. There is nothing I saw in that torturous 32 minutes that would conclude me in saying I should have finished watching the rest.. everyone involved in this atrocious movies development and completion should be marched down the street like cersie in game of thrones with people who endured watching it yelling shame, shame, shame...
La mesita del comedor (2022)
A gut punch experience at times
Who would have thought watching a movie about a killer coffee table would be an experience? This is a hard movie to watch and forget. It's subject matter is very dark but sadly whilst the start leads into dread with a gut punch ending, the middle part let's this movie down considerably.
The implied violent action is done off screen which then shows you just enough of the aftermath to let your mind wonder, and the last part of this film is the hard realisation of what has just transpired. It's just the whole middle section is a massive let down considering what has transpired and what's about to transpire.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
Millers Halloween 3
Do you remember when John Carpenter did Halloween 3? A whole storyline outside of the myers universe and only added myers in a quick glimpse on a TV screen? Well George Miller copied the exact formula with Furiosa with Max briefed quickly like Michael and although Halloween 3 was a decent movie... Furiosa is not. Fury road was an decent movie pushing Max into a side character to promote woman empowerment alongside stunning visuals and some truly horrible characters.... Furiosa gives us horrible effects, bland acting from actors who can usually give great performances, miss cast leads alongside a truly and horrendous weak script makes for a truly horrible entry into the Max saga which after a brief disastrous run, has now sunk the mad Max saga into a quagmire which has ended the series. Thanks George.. now us fans who supported your vision will never get to see wastelands all because you decided to woke up a great saga.
In a Violent Nature (2024)
Concept slasher
First of all, the gore in this movie is pretty good, like a diet coke version of Terrifier. The killers design takes off when he finally gets his mask. It was a good concept which sadly didn't bear any fruit as we are constantly given the same following the killer shot over and over again. The disposable victims are so badly written and acted it makes you think did the producers use the same script writer and acting school that winnie the pooh blood and honey parts 1 and 2 used? It definitely has some style but sadly a killer can only be as good as his victims are written. Great concept let down by bad acting and over the top kills.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II (2024)
Bigger budget.. yet still pooh
After the brain rot of blood and honey... the team unite back again for another offering with a slightly bigger budget which fixes the atrocious creature designs from part one and gives them a new life for the sequel.. shame they didn't use that budget on better actors and screen writers.
The acting again here is horrendous, like a 70s porn movie without the porn. I will say it was head and shoulders above part one, but when part one is the steaming pile of cinematic turd, part two elevated itself into the flies hovering above it. The gore was better as well as the creature designs.. that's it, nothing else.. the kills were b-grade hilarity and for all the wrong reasons. Again , way better than part one... but that's all.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)
Pooh in name and substance
As a fan of horror in all forms.. I always try to give each movie a fair go, 90 percent of the time these movies are strictly one off watch and forget and 8 percent are great and rewatchable... that 2 percent? That's for that rare turd which you can't get back that time you spent watching it and it's forever burnt into your memory... this Movie.. lack of a better term is the reason why IMBD needs to create a zero or negative rating system. Let's start with yes, it's a low budget movie.. but seriously there was no effort to hide that low budget here.. on display is some of the worst-case bottom of the barrel acting, script, gore effects and direction and sadly there is nothing here to recommend.
Griselda (2024)
Another glossy netflix reshaping
Griselda Blanco was a monster in every form, from appearance to actions. This woman made the cartel fear her..yet netflix writers decided to make a telenova production about her, glossing over the harsh truth and casting pretty people to play the roles of some truly horrifying real life monsters. It's a shame.. a true story like her rise and fall would have made an exceptional series, yet somehow the writers decided to glance at the story and create their own melodramatic soap opera instead. Narcos and narcos Mexico writers did the same but those two series still managed to pull of 3 seasons of great shows each..Soffia, although massively miscast puts in all her talents, but sadly the show is a massive letdown. Watch cocaine cowboys instead for a real showing of the godmother in all her sadistic glory.
Dumb Money (2023)
David v Goliath done right
So many movies come out using the David versus Goliath formula but fail so dramatically you really don't care what the movie was about. Well not here, not with Dumb Money.
This film achieves what it sets out to portrays, average down to earth people taking on the corrupt billionaires at their own game, even though the high level of corruption ultimately still wins out in the end and the rich get away Scott free, the battle was and always will be remembered.
Paul Dano shines alongside some old school veteran actors and some great established younger actors. The direction and script were great and they treat the audience with respect and not allowing the complexity of trading to muddy up a great story. Highly recommended and cannot fault this movie.