DVDExotica

Marathoning all the Omen movies in preparation for the sixth, I decided to check Damien out, too. It's a single season (though they were clearly aiming for more) 10-episode A&E series that pulls that irritating "we're following the first one but ignoring and contradicting the sequels" stunt. Though, to be fair, they have a decent reason for going that route this time. They've decided to explore the most interesting idea Omen 2 only hinted at and threw away in three brief scenes, of Damien struggling with why he was chosen to be the antichrist and what to do with this dark destiny. I'll tell ya what, it's heaps smarter than NBC's 1995 Omen pilot, which was connected to the novel and films about as much as Friday the 13th: The Series was connected to Jason. At least this one's about the antichrist again.

This series was created by a bunch of Walking Dead alumni, from the creator to writers, composer, episode directors like Ernest Dickerson and Jennifer Lynch. The name players are Barbara Hershey (ostensibly playing Lee Grant's character from part 2, though they may just be recycling the character name because they have nothing in common) and Scott Wilson (TWD's Hershel), but the bulk of this cast, including their Damien, look to be cast straight out of the CW. And that cheap, placating television vibe is this series big weakness.

Here, Damien is 30, a war photographer in Syria, with a convenient and unexplained case of amnesia. He has no idea that he's the antichrist or any recollection of anything that happened to him until recently. Now Damien is a good guy, saving kids from getting hit by trains and fighting to help veterans get their health insurance. If that sounds too far removed from the original Omen, don't worry, this show is littered with clips and photos from the original film. In fact, it's cripplingly over-reliant on them for its credibility, and you'll be damned tired of them cutting back to over-saturated footage from the 70s every time something echoes what happened in his forgotten childhood.

Damien's struggle is an everyman's easily relatable questioning of faith: "why does god allow suffering?" Rather than relishing others' suffering, he anguishes over it. This show could've been a lot better if it took itself just a little more seriously and catered a little less to the junk TV crowd, but it's better than I thought it would be. When the show gets grim and follows through with its own logic, it pulls you in. When it wastes time with TV filler material, like a subplot about a cop's obsession with catching Damien is ruining his relationship with his spouse, or when the show tries to appease us with generic spooky images like an under-lit hospital filled with homeless people and creepy children, you wish they'd just cut it out.

For instance, Damien's buddy will just barge right into his apartment to tell him he's neglecting his girlfriend, saying "now get into that shower or it's going to be me and you in there together, and that ain't gonna be pretty." Did they lift that bit from a script of Party of Five? Why is this cheese in a grim dramatization of the biblical end of the world? For that matter, the "there has to be some kind of rational explanation" arguments that persist through to the final episodes are just boring when the one thing we all know about this series before going in is that it's a supernatural show.

So I can see why this show didn't last. How many seasons were we expected to watch this guy prevaricate between will he or won't he embrace his Evil side? But it's better than I thought it would be, including some strong scenes if you stick with it. It helps that most of the cornier supporting characters get bumped off as the season progresses. If you're a fan of the Omen's general premise, and are interested in what it would be like if the antichrist came into our modern world, this series examines that enough to hold your interest. It feels like Damien started out as a better show, then got tampered with and made compromises until we were left with a series the executives no longer had faith in.

To understand this movie, you must know that there are two distinct versions of this movie. There's the original version, with a fun suit/ puppet monster by The Chiodo Brothers (Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Critters). But the filmmakers ultimately decided it wasn't scary enough, and covered it up in most of its scenes with awful, early CGI animation. That's the version that was originally released. But I guess after years of terrible reviews, they saw the error of their ways, and have released the completely live action Chiodo Brothers version.

Now obviously, there's no version where this is great cinema. But it works so much better with the Chiodo's wacky, actually-on-location monster. There are some fun gore moments, too, and the premise is such extremely self-aware pandering (a bunch of fraternity brothers and sorority sisters are handcuffed together in pairs on an abandoned island to go on a scavenger hunt for hidden underwear, while being stalked by an evil pinata), you just can't be mad at it. Like, even up to the final climax, as the last few survivors are covered in blood and running for their lives, they're surrounded by boxer shorts and bikini tops hanging from the trees. Jaimi Pressly and the rest of this cast are wearing as little as possible, the little monster's ripping guts out and our heroes are doing quad bike "stunts." It's hard not to have kind of a good time with this one.

But good luck finding the right version! This movie has been released under a couple different titles (Survival Island, Demon Island, Pinata: Survival Island, Crimson Island), but there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason as to which title syncs up with which release of the film. Both are streaming online as of this writing (and sadly, the DVDs seem to all be the CGI'd version); you'll just have to poke around. But it's worth it. Kind of. Maybe not really. I was amused, though.

I'd assumed "Stan Lee's Harpies" was an adapted license of some kind of obscure, non-Marvel comic property he created, like Chakra the Invincible or Striperella. That seemed amusing enough to watch on Youtube for free. But no, this actually has nothing to do with comics; Stan Lee just executed produced a couple of completely stand-alone Sci-Fi channel movies, of which this is one.

So what this is, actually, is an Army of Darkness clone. I mean, it's not just similar, it's a complete and total rip-off, down to specific lines and camera shots. Stephen Baldwin is our sarcastic contemporary blue collar schlub who gets sucked through a portal back into the medieval ages, where he must lead a rag-tag group (one of the characters in the closing credits is simply billed as Fat Ugly Guy) against an evil kingdom replete with flying harpies and ruled by Scott Valentine.

It's terrible, of course. The CGI sinks to Birdemic-tier non-effort and the budget is many levels beneath AoD. Picture any random episode of Hercules or Xena, but with more corners cut because they had to stretch it out to 90 minutes. However it's also self-aware (without being cloyingly self-aware) and genuinely entertaining. Sometimes the gags are funny, more often they're not, but it's thoroughly amusing either way. This was directed by Raimi cohort Josh Becker, so there's no coincidence or subtly to this being a made-for-TV Army of Darkness, and its shamelessness is big part of its charm.

This movie is to Army of Darkness what Hell Of the Living Dead is to Dawn of the Dead. And anyone who appreciates Bruno Mattei films like that should get a kick out of this.