pmoney13

The new BMW film is, as these things go, wildly energetic and bizarre. It stars James Brown as himself, Clive Owen as his soft spoken driver, and Gary Oldman as the devil. Now, any time you can get either Brown or Oldman to mug for eight whole minutes, it's great stuff...but here we have both actors flat out going nuts onscreen, and brother it's the stuff that cult film magic is made of.

BMW films tend to be short and sweet, and Beat the Devil is no different. Tony Scott brings his usual hyped up style to the proceedings, which contrasts nicely with Clive Owen's downplayed lead character, a guy who doesn't say much, but when push comes to shove, he will kick the devil's a** in a drag race down the Vegas strip. Brown, once again, is over the top, but Oldman is way out of control, playing the prince of darkness as a wired nut in tights who sports a British accent. As usual, though, Oldman's hamming is the highlight of the proceedings.

All in all, Beat the Devil is a terrific waste of 8 minutes. It didn't make me want to buy the new BMW but it did make me want to take on Lucifer himself in a street race.

Vin Diesel proved with Pitch Black that he could carry a film on his broad shoulders, but XXX just isn't a worthy "breakout" role for him. The film is being hailed as a James Bond picture for the next generation, but fails to give us anything different. The film isn't really bad at all, just somewhat dull. It's a movie in which every action scene and every plot device is one that has been used in hundreds of movies before, so we basically know everything that will happen in the movie, therefore it really isn't that exciting. Let's see some originality, some inspired filmmaking. Diesel has the charisma to be a major action star, but let's get him in something better.

When you have a popcorn action movie like this, there are two absolute essentials you must have to pass as quality entertainment: good villains and memorable one-liners. XXX strikes out on both of these counts. The villains are typical slimy Euros who talk under their breath and glare so that we know that they are evil. The best action movies have great villains, and that usually means having a recognizable actor in the villanous role. Here we have a bunch of no names. Where's John Malkovich? Or Christopher Walken? The one-liners are bad, very bad. "I want all this...in here" doesn't exactly rank with "Yippie-Kay-Yay Mother F***er" or "Hasta Lavista, Baby" in the annals of great action film quips. Without these two elements to raise it from the rest of the pack, XXX is basically another toss-into-the-pile spy flick, a forgettable vehicle for it's star, Diesel.

Aliens has my vote for best action movie of all time. It's such a great piece of filmmaking, starting with an almost subdued opening 45 minutes, then plunging us into an all-out rollercoaster ride of pure, kick-ass action and adrenaline. Movies today like the crap Jerry Bruckheimer spews out have made movie audiences forget what a real action film is. This isn't a cliched buddy cop pic or a yawn-inspiring spy movie....this is a testosterone-charged, relentless catapult into the best that sci-fi thrillers have to offer. James Cameron followed up the brilliant "Terminator" with this masterpiece, solidifying his claim as one of the stronger directors in Hollywood (yeah, I know he made Titanic, but we all make mistakes). Bottom line: Aliens is better than any action film made since it was released in 1986. If you want to know what true, pulse-pounding action is: for God's sake rent Aliens.