Bezenby

It seems that being continually kicked in the face during the last two Karate Warrior films has not diminished jerk John Carson's attempts to become top jerk in whatever weird social situation these people exist in throughout these films. At first, I thought all the youngsters involved where at college or something, but now that John Carson looks like he's entering his forties, I have no idea what's going on here. Are they all just unemployed bums? Except the fried chicken guy of course.

It doesn't help that I had to watch the film in Italian either, although that did make the nightclub scenes funnier as I got to hear someone try and rap in Italian. Basically, Larry the winner from the last Karate Warrior film is happy with his girlfriend but John Carson's still out to get him, which he does this time round by having some South Korean karate champ seduce and humiliate his sister in public.

Larry aint happy at this and neither is his similar looking buddy who is his sister's boyfriend. This gives way to a repeat of that soul-destroying cycle race from the last film as our good guys have to take on the bad guys at a motorcycling race that just eats up time and makes you wonder why you aren't looking up porn on the internet instead. There's also a few sub-plots, like Larry hating on war veteran Dad David Warbreck, and something involving diet pills the chicken guy is taking that are used to poison Larry before his underwhelming fight with Bruce Wayne the South Korean d***head.

Just as terrible as the preceding three Karate Warrior films but somehow also featuring porn guy Ron Jeremy as some point (I wouldn't have known this if I hadn't nicked that information from another site), Karate Warrior 4 serves to remind you that the early nineties were just like the late eighties, with more house music. Who are these people though? Are they all at college, or unemployed bums?

It seems that our original Karate Warrior, Tony Scott, has moved away from the small coastal town to South Dakota! Who can step into his shoes as the biggest jerk martial-arse champion in the US? No one it seems, which is why his golden kimono and various items are kept in some sort of shrine by best friend/stalker Leo.

It seems that bad guy Dick is still around though, even though inexplicably his name has now changed to Joe. Joe/Dick has not learned any lessons about strutting about the place acting like he's got three balls, so who now is going to stop Joe giving Leo and ass-kicking every two minutes? Enter Larry.

What you'll notice right away about Larry is that he's not an jerk like Tony Scott was. Plus, he doesn't even know anything about karate! Like most of these films, Larry, his sister, and his mother are all at risk from being evicted by an evil landowner, who's niece Larry has just met and fallen for. Larry needs $2500 dollars to save his house, so luckily there is a cycling event taking place, and as luck would have it, the grand prize is $2500! All Larry needs now is some jerks to ruin everything for him.

Larry also agrees to take on Dick in a low-budget karate fight, so obviously not knowing how to practice karate is a bit of an issue there. There are only two possible people in town who can teach Larry how to kick Dick in the dick, so let's present it as a multiple choice question:

1) Is it the fat guy who sells fried chicken, doesn't practice karate, and is the comedy sidekick, or

2) Is it the Japanese guy who has just opened as Japanese restaurant in town, has just kicked three jerk's heads in, and was once the world's top martial art master?

Larry needs a crash course in ass-kicking because he's got three days to learn karate, stop his eviction, win the girl's heart, and get that goddamned $2500? You knows it!

Completely generic in every way a teen sports drama can be, yet filtered through an Italian brain so that you get such important stuff as a Halloween party where Dick comes dressed as Tony Scott, a cycling race that's terrible in every aspect, and bad guys who laugh at everything, the cheese is so thick here the actors practically wade through it. If you liked Karate Warrior 1 and 2, then you'll like this one, because THEY ARE ALL THE EXACT SAME FILM

Finally, for the last Karate Warrior film, director Fabrizio De Angelis decides to change things up a bit by having the action take place on a Greek island. And what action takes place on that island? The same crap that's happened in the last four or five Karate Warrior films; a motorcycle contest, some half-arsed mentoring, and a very low budget face-off with a jerk.

There's no sign of arch-nemesis Joe Carson this time around, so maybe he moved away or killed himself or something. The rest of the gang are still here though: Larry the Karate Warrior, fat fried chicken guy Leo, guy that looks like Larry but is slightly taller and some other guy. Plus Larry's rich girlfriend, but she's not in it much.

As usual, most of the actual story revolves around Leo, who this time finds himself ten grand up when he fakes being knocked over by an African dignitary's limo. Leo decides it's time they got a bit of a holiday and decide on Greece, where everyone know karate and everyone is as big of a jerk as Joe Carson was. This allows director De Angelis plenty of time to suck the fun out of everything by making us sit through Leo and his gang going on a shopping spree, flying to Greece, discuss getting a taxi, then getting taxi, then doing a bit of sightseeing before discussing a buffet breakfast.

The only halfway interesting part of this film is the strange scam Leo falls far when he pay five hundred dollars to take pictures of what he's told is a mermaid, only for the mermaid to turn out to be a guy and Leo turning out to be a moron when he has all his money and plane tickets home stolen! If only there was some sort of contest with a cash prize that Larry can win in order for them to get home. Larry needs a bike, and luckily he's just beaten up two goons that work for a jerk whose ex-girlfriend has a bike. The jerk is called Mustafa, and strangely the highly-camp acting skills of this fellow somehow didn't lead to a career in Hollywood, but it sure provided me with a lot of laughs. Which is just as well as the bit where they all repair the bike goes on forever. The ex-girlfriend, Eleni, starts making goo-goo eyes at Karate Warrior, but he stays loyal, even though Eleni is definitely an upgrade.

All this staggers lamely towards the showdown, although Karate Warrior's got to bring in his mentor, his girlfriend, and father David Warbreck in order to bet it together long enough to beat up Mustafa (who hilariously says "Prepare to be killed" in the lamest, least threatening voice ever). I'll tell you another thing; Mustafa kicks the crap out of Karate Warrior and decks him several times so that Karate Warrior can lay there staring at his father, but when Karate Warrior decks Mustafa once, he's counted out and Karate Warrior wins. I don't think that referee was being impartial and reckon that someone slipped him a few drachma before the match started.

And thus concludes my pointless trail through the most worthless film series in cinematic history. As a precaution against any other Karate Warrior films being made, the Italian government executed most of the cast and crew.