aaronmocksing1987

Buwahahahaha...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, before I begin to review this sh*thole of a movie, I'd like to present with you this fun and amusing little tidbit I found on this website.

Phillip J. Roth - the maker of this movie, has a portion of himself on IMDb. I'm almost one hundred and damn percent sure that, after seeing this load of BS on my television screen, either he paid someone to write up his biography, or he did it himself. It begins by explaining, briefly, his humble beginnings and mentions two movies of which I just rented ('borrowed', if you will, since the place I was getting them from sold them for a quarter). "Both of which have amazingly intricate and well-woven time-travel story lines." If by 'well-woven', you mean, have a crippled man jerking off to a VR pornography device (he browses and smiles wide at the thought of necrophelia for a good moment, before wanting to hit up some ugly blond) and characters wandering around aimlessly around Los Angeles 'wanting' to fight a non-existent war against... nothing in particular, then, alright. You go ahead and believe that. Somehow I can't quite imagine a 'future', in which all robots wear codpieces, suspenders, and Darth Vader helmets.

It goes on to say he "amazingly" writes, produces, and directs this. Uwe Boll, I believe, does the same thing to his movies. And I guess we can all figure out about his own reputation. If this biography is to believed, maybe they should get into the boxing match! Haha HAAA! "Perhaps this injustice," it explains, about why his movies only go to TV and home video, "is because of apathy of behalf of the 'average film fan' who would rather watch some brainless action than 'truly thought-provoking' cinema.'" Obviously this dumbsh*t didn't watch the better robot movies 'Terminator', 'RoboCop', and 'Bicentennial Man'. I mentioned the last one, because it says he's still working. Roth? If you're listening, stop lying to yourself, and quit Hollywood. Quit making movies. Quit everything, and shoot yourself. 'Prototype X29A' is a fitting title, since the whole thing practically borrows everything from every other movie, and adds strippers for recognition.

Notice how his bio was written by 'Anonymous.' Yeah, he totally wrote that. Sorry, chum.

This is the third movie I have rented tonight with the word 'Star' in it. However, it isn't 'Star Wars', 'Star Trek', 'The Last STARfighter', or even 'Star Kid.' This movie was made 'down under' and we can expect no less from foreign movies. Like 'Star Crash' before it and 'Star Knight', we have a movie that wants to be so many things we Americans made but simply could not do. And, like everything else, it comes out so dirty it should be condemned in the laundry pile to be burned completely. I'm sorry, folks, this sucked hard.

The back of the box mentioned and stole a few words from the Star Wars common terminology and compared itself to the likes of Blade Runner, which wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. The 'droids' here are simply people with jumpsuits, aluminum guns and creepy Chinese/Buddhist masks - and more often than not, these are midgets. With someone whose name is 'Deep Roy', which is really downright hilarious (especially the name typo - Kid? Grid? Fail.), this is pretty bad. The 'storm troopers' are all poorly designs animatronics which look like something a child did for a science project out of whatever was in a junkyard.

The music goes on to copy, blatantly, the same motifs as Last Starfighter - and blatantly rips most of Luke's battles in Tattooine from the first movie. The villain even looks like Darth Vader! Gah, originality must be pretty hard to find, is it? Jesus Christ on a stick.

None of the movies I have seen so far are recommended. It's a proved fact you'll ignore most of them for private time on the computer or with a loved one rather than pay attention.

I am watching this movie now, and the moment I saw Roger Corman's name on it, I knew I was literally gonna be screwed over. But now finding out it was made in Italy (why do actors go to Italy to make movies? Desperation? They hate America? Missed out on being in better movies, so they settle for crap?), I am expecting far worse than the bottom of the barrel. I don't like foreign movies too much, unless it was well-known, famous, and taken care of with proper knowledge and care. Lately, each movie I seem to be picking out happens to be an awfully terrible one. I guess that makes me the Angry Video Nerd: trapped in a VHS store with godawful movies, most of which deserve to be burned and handed over to Satan.

I can almost imagine how this movie got into production. Borrow the scripts from Star Wars, haphazardly combine some Star Trek stuff into it, mimic a few scenes from either and whatever cheap space novel came out in the area. Rename people, change Leia into a sex whore, give Luke a ridiculous afro and a gay appearance (not to mention a homosexual attitude) and the accent of a Dr. Who reject... and voila. Oh, and put a Spock in it! Instant gold! Texan accents don't make good space movies. Neither do whores. Making Spock a fat balding man and Luke gay doesn't help either. This movie sucks.

Sorry, Hoff. Better luck next time.

Next on the list? 'Starship.' Another damn movie with 'Star' in it. SO ORIGINAL.