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Reviews
Doctor Who (2023)
All fur coat and no knickers
In the middle of watching episode 2 of the slickly produced no expense spared new Dr Who series, that one-time BBC flagship which has been forced into a marriage of convenience through dwindling licence fee revenues with the all-consuming Disney behemoth (hmm, an idea for an arch foe of the good Doctor maybe?),an episode featuring the promisingly sinister Maestro (only promisingly because this is, after all, Disney) I found myself drawn inexorably to the IMDb data base to see if everyone shared my take on this latest series of this once loved show. This is never a good sign. I was already dubious after the dire spectacle of the space babies in episode one. I'll probably never find out if the Master's next reincarnation will be as Mickey Mouse because quite frankly I don't think I can be bothered. Disney's done to Dr Who what it did to Marvel.
The Last of Us (2023)
Going downhill fast
I was eagerly anticipating this series, having played TLoU 2 on PS twice over, so captivating was the scenario. And lo, I thought we were on a winner here after a fabulous pilot, and then a third episode which went on a bit of a digression but was so well crafted and emotionally powerful. But woe and behold what has come since. It reached an absolute nadir with the latest episode, featuring the sect-like community leader versus Ellie. What utter nonsense! I won't give any spoilers, but frankly when it comes to spoiling, this series is doing a good job all on its own with each episode that goes by.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
Magnificent all round!
I'm giving this nine instead of ten because I never trust tens, they always seem to be generated by bots promoting dross, but this marvellous movie merits top marks. Variously poignant and hilarious, every performance is a delight. I can't understand anyone who gave a poor rating to this film. There was so much to enjoy, I can see myself watching this over and over again, and the films I could say that of don't come along every day. Colin Farrell was fabulous, but the real standout for me was Barry Keoghan. Beautifully and sensitively played by the young man, well deserving of any awards that come his way.
The Devil's Hour (2022)
A Devil of a fine tune
Here's how it goes with IMDB reviews for me: if I'm finding a film or series boring or generally poor I'll reach for the phone as the dross rolls by and check what the reviewers have been saying about it, and then find myself getting annoyed by the spoof high scores for the turkey on the screen. With this excellent show I was rapt from beginning to end and only reached for the reviews once the final credits of the final episode were rolling. This time I was annoyed by the low scores and negative reviews as I couldn't understand how anyone could find this binge fest anything other than sublime. Intricately plotted, well acted and full of Halloween frissons! A winner, with no obvious leaning to a second season (which makes a pleasant change, all round).
Stranger Things (2016)
Over but not out
Glad to have sat through this overlong, bloated, ill-edited blather bereft of any sense of peril so that I don't have to do it again... oh, wait a minute, it's ended on a cliffhanger. Damn.
Hawkeye (2021)
Hawkeye the no
I honestly do not believe that any right minded person could get to the end of episode two and not conclude that this was a just a load of cock and bull. I'll probably keep watching it because I've subscribed to the service, but quite frankly it seems, all told, that Disney and Marvel don't really go well together. Take the Mickey and run.
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (2021)
Big damp squib
A party game for Marvel fans might be "When did you stop watching Falcon & Winter Soldier?". For anyone with any discernment whatsoever it would be in episode 2. In my case it happened twice: first when the quarterback with no super powers lands on a lorry and starts doing a Steve Rogers, then, after forcing myself to try again, when Abbott and Costello go into couples' therapy. What sheer preposterous nonsense. It gets 2 stars for old times' sake.
Space Force (2020)
Space Dross
There are two abiding mysteries for me after sitting through the first two episodes of this series: one, how come such unfunny, inchoate business gets such high ratings on IMDB and two, why is the wife in prison. I'll never know the answer to the second mystery as I won't be watching any more.
Ad Astra (2019)
Dreary and preposterous
The first time I watched Ad Astra, on the big screen, I was quite wowed by the space opera spectacle. Having watched it a second time , on a small screen, it's inadequacies outshine all the rest. The boring and monotonous voice off is perfectly matched by Brad Pitt's boring and monotonous portrayal. I almost found myself longing for his outrageous OTT shenanigans in 12 Monkeys (!). In short the movie is dull, pretentious and thoroughly ridiculous in parts. It gets stars for its stars (the astral bodies, not the players).
Ford v Ferrari (2019)
Le Mans 66
... as we prefer to call it in Europe. As refreshing as a nice cuppa tea. Thoroughly human performances against a magnificent and evocative automotive backdrop. A winner, despite the "suits"!
Peterloo (2018)
Historical epic
What a great film. Visually sumptuous, linguistically rich, carefully and expertly wrought. Dignified and indignant in equal measure.
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Beam me off Scotty
Oh dear, what a load of ship's bilge water. I fast forwarded episodes 3 and 4 and didn't seem to miss anything. This merely succeeds in making Picard look like a doddery old bloke who might simply be waiting for the girls' clothes to fall off (you need to watch the far more entertaining episode of Extras starring Patrick Stewart to get the allusion). Incidentally, they don't (far too PC for that). Maybe that's way Patrick appears so lackadaisical.
Watchmen (2019)
Like a clock
Did the people responsible for this even watch the film / read the comic? As much a link between the original and this series as between Jaws and Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (both feature an important fish). Passing mention to Doc Manhattan in a desperate attempt to keep fans on board but making Rorschach the bad guy? Come on! Two episodes in I'll keep watching as I subscribed for the month to the OCS channel especially, but I hold out no hope for an improvement, or rather, realignment. It's as off course as a round the world yacht sailing up and down the Hudson River.
The Flash (2014)
Toilet
I stopped watching this first time round when I got annoyed at two blokes with guns getting the better of supersonic Flash, but all the positive reviews encouraged me to give it another go, and it's true that it is well worth a watch. But what annoys me every time is seeing these super villains locked up in cells with no sign of a food tray and - even worse - no toilet bucket in the corner of their cell. Such issues of verisimilitude didn't worry me when I was a 7 year-old kid reading comics. I sometimes yearn to get back the innocent naivety of childhood, when you believed in Santa and didn't ask questions like this.
Watchmen (2019)
Like a clock
Did the people responsible for this even watch the film / read the comic? As much a link between the original and this series as between Jaws and Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (both feature an important fish). Passing mention to Doc Manhattan in a desperate attempt to keep fans on board but making Rorschach the bad guy? Come on! Two episodes in I'll keep watching as I subscribed for the month to the OCS channel especially, but I hold out no hope for an improvement, or rather, realignment. It's as off course as a round the world yacht sailing up and down the Hudson River.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Deadly dull
Before the premiere began the cinema audience was treated to the live red carpet arrival of the stars on opening night of the Cannes film festival. I thought both the stars interviewed (Driver, Murray) and the director came across as diffident and defensive, and I can see why after sitting through their dull, uninspired movie." This is going to end badly" was the oft repeated (and continually unfunny) leitmotif. If this is art, give me American Werewolf in London with my popcorn any day.
After the Screaming Stops (2018)
Bros ergo sum
Charming melange of Spinal Tap, David Brent and People Do Nothing which is compulsive viewing even for anyone who imagines that a Bros reunion gig is the last thing they fancy witnessing.
The Passage (2019)
The pen is mightier than the TV
So disappointed with this attempt to bring a rich, sweeping saga to the screen. The relentless attempts to capture Amy make no sense without her whole back story. You'll watch this and think either "I'm not wading through those books if they're as bad as this" or "I've got to try the books, see what all the fuss is about." I've given up on this TV iteration before it pollutes my memories of the books any further.
A Star Is Born (2018)
Codswallop... I feel a song coming on
So much tripe packed into barely an hour (which was when I gave up on it). The girl won't go to the rock star's concert because she's got to go to work. When she gets to work her boss tells her "You're late" so she quits her job in a huff and leaves the building (with the rocker's chauffeur conveniently waiting for her). That was annoying, but there was so much that was just boring, boring, boring. I preferred Lady Gaga in Desperately Seeking Susan and Bradley Cooper in The Big Lebowski.
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
Pretty vacant
I'm so glad I configured the IMDb ratings from worst first, so that I didn't have to trawl through a welter of positive reviews to get to some sense, seeing that this visually opulent (pretty) yet thoroughly vapid (vacant) film gets an average 8/10 and massive thumbs-up from the likes of The Guardian and Empire. The plotting in this film made no sense whatsoever, and it was interminable. What's so annoying is that anyone who's a fan of the original (and who isn't?) would feel obliged to sit through it. You don't have to go off-world to suffer the pain.
Deadpool 2 (2018)
Bit of a Brian, this one
Having thoroughly enjoyed Deadpool, I must say that this outing of DP reminded me of a guy called Brian way back in my university days. He thought he was funny but in fact he was just stupid. Deadpool 2 is Brian.
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)
Worthless drivel
I once again feel impelled to add my two ha'pence worth, if only to bring down the average score of an atrocious film artificially boosted by mercenary lobbyists (or maybe that should be "interested parties"; perhaps it's the director's immediate family who have been pressed into penning glowing reviews). Who knows. The best I can say about this film is that at least it didn't take an hour and a half out of my life as I fairly quickly saw what was in store and watched most of it in fast forward. The film is both objectively and subjectively garbage, and anyone who sings its praises must be used to eating spoonfuls of excrement and claiming it tastes of vanilla ice cream.
Antichrist (2009)
666 out of say 6 million
Let's jump to this film's defence: it was the icing on the cake - let us seek deeper meaning in that phrase: "icing" echoes "I sing" - the artist expressing himself in a way to entertain or provoke; yes, yes! I can see it clearly! Beautifully shot opening scene, intriguing, what might it all turn into? Sing to me, oh artist! Oh, impatience is getting the better of me, let's go beyond the icing of that opening scene, and test the cake itself. Whoa, hold on there! Wait a minute. This cake tastes of sh*t! Oh, that's SO amusing! Thank-you so much, Lars von Trier. Lovely icing on a crap cake. I shan't be eating here again!
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Paranormal inactivity
In films like this your mind wanders. I found myself trying to figure out which comedy troupe came up with the name of the legal outfit: "Terribly, Terribly, Boring and Dull". All four of the associates would have been in their element here. I should at this point like to thank the hysterical females just behind my right shoulder who made me jump more than what was happening on screen in the final seconds, which were admittedly pretty spooky but didn't make up for sitting through 90 minutes of a boring no-score draw between two poor teams, to coin a metaphor. The rest of the film is tedium incarnate. How are we supposed to believe in these people? How are they meant to get to sleep after two or three nights of this? Impossible to believe in these poorly sketched characters. Any resemblance with the Blair Witch Project is entirely fortuitous (and a godsend for such a lame movie).
Donkey Punch (2008)
The Descent with Sex and Men and No Monsters
I was pleasantly surprised by this film. The Leeds lasses on a jolly girls excursion made it seem quite parochial, to the extent that the Yanks will probably need subtitles, and there is a central moral vacuousness (in the deeds) which is nonetheless appropriately dealt with in terms of who gets what and how. Very often this kind of film leaves you frustrated in terms of dénouement, but I thought that comeuppance was most appropriately dealt out and the ending doesn't let you down, inasmuch as you can figure on how things might develop post-movie (imagine this going to court!). I thought the acting was really good, there was a good dose of (black) humour and the film could be read on many levels (as much as a class conflict as anything else). Great little film, hard to spot the low budget.