Reviews
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
I feel cheated
...and I want the two hours of my life back I spend seeing this. This was a carbon copy of various scenes from the classic movies, and though there were some new actors you always knew was going to happen to them. See, the Alison Doody character this time was played by Ray Winston; instead of having to deal with his father this time it's his son; as usual Indy leads the baddies to the treasure which disintegrates as soon as it's found - and of course the baddies are killed by the treasure they desire.
I kind of did not like how Nicolas Cage found some treasure mentioned in some secret book and thought it to be a cheap rip-off - but compared to this, it actually wasn't that bad.
FunnyMovie: Dörte's Dancing (2008)
And you thought "Meet the Spartans" was unbelievably bad?
Of course it's a "Made for TV" movie, so the lack in production values can be tolerated, but the one thing you ought to have in a comedy is a funny script. Unfortunately, there wasn't.
This movie tries to make fun of "Dirty Dancing". Yes, a movie from the 80s. Makes you think, eh? Usually, these movies try to make some bucks mimicking much more recent movies. But hey, there are some other movies parodied, too. E.g. "8 mile", which is more recent but has already been done better in "Scary Movie 4", also some scenes from "The Rocky Horror Show" - but who needs a parody of a parody?
Imagine "Meet the Spartans" with 10 percent of the budget, the jokes and the acting skills. There you go.
Neues vom Wixxer (2007)
A seldom treat: A sequel which surpasses it's predecessor
When the first movie came out, the crew announced it was only the first part of a trilogy. So there's still more to come...
The first movie had first class comedians in cameos, but this is topped here. Watch for Fank Zander as pimp "Fred Fartwind", see Achim Menzel as mentally impaired musician behind bars, buy totally crappy CDs from Willemsen, try to find out where Hella von Sinnen is hiding herself during the movie... and see Vadder Abraham as Smurf-Bouncer(!)
While they could not get all the veterans of the original movies for their first offering, basically everybody still alive is there: Fuchsberger, Winter, Howland, van Bergen, Völz... It's tragic that these movies come to late for Eddi Aren't, as his health situation prevents him from doing movies any more. Even more if you think about his last roles were in the ill-fated made-for-TV Wallace "wanna-be-funny" remakes.
This movie has more and better action sequences, lots (and I mean LOTS) of in-jokes (Smurf-Song!), slapstick and even some minor plot twists.
Watch out for the crazy credits (it's not mentioned at IMDb).
Die Aufschneider (2007)
Stereotypes and almost no fun at all.
Well, this is the story of two hospitals in the same city. One is a big-budget, high-tech one run by a slick bald doctor, the other one is a old-fashioned, warmhearted hospital with friendly caring doctors. Noe I wonder how many stereotypes you can think of for this constellation. But don't bother to think any further, cause they're all here.
After roughly half an hour the story has lost it's momentum, a little crime and love side story does not really help picking it up again. The lead actor, a German comedian known for the role of "Stromberg" (a dis-likable office careerist) just stayed in character for playing his doctor here.
There are a few jokes, but none of those sufficiently make up for your entrance fee. So, if you're German you might just want to wait for this flick to be broadcast on free-TV (might not take very long given that the movie does not too well). If you're not German, don't even bother...
Nid de guêpes (2002)
This is the true Remake of Carpenter's "Assault"
I was annoyed when I learned that they were doing a remake of "Assault". When the movie came out, I knew I was right.
Then I saw this movie here on TV. Didn't really know what it was about, just saw that it starred Naceri of "Taxi" fame, so I decided to watch it.
From the moment everybody gathered in the warehouse, I instantly thought of "Assault".
Some others here seem not to have a clear remembrance of Carpenter's movie, but apart from a few new gadgets all the key plot points are completely the same. I won't give them away, as they would be major spoilers, but try to watch both movies together and you'll see.
But on the other side: This is a fine remake. You don't know who's gonna die, there are some interesting new plot points and the characters are believable (in "Assault", you learn nothing about the man they want, as he'snot talking any more. The Mafia guy is quite another quality...) I say, 8 of 10.
Der Wixxer (2004)
Best comedy of the Year
This one is what you came to expect after seeing great spoofs like The Naked Gun.
Absolutely true to the genre of movies it spoofs down to all tiny little details. You even have cameos of some of the original cast of the old Wallace movies.
Speaking about cameos: You will find some of the guys that Kalkofe bashed in his show some years ago which shows that even thought they produced trash TV at least they are good sports. Watch out for the Wildecker Herzbuben and Achim Mentzel, portraying the bad guys... what else.
Nice rip offs from the Matrix, some very low but funny optical slapsticks and well executed and timed deadpan jokes.
Highly recommended...
Finding Nemo (2003)
Splendid animation
but, a storyline that is a little bit too thin to carry the movie all the way. Yeah, it's a movie for children and they certainly don't care, but since it's computer animated, it also appeals to the "older" moviegoer. There are some nice, clever jokes in the movie. An australian shark named "Bruce" - Jehova, I say!
However, let it be said that this movie - however successful it is and will surely get it's academy award - is not really worthy to be amongst the 250 top movies of all time. Not bad, but really not great either...
Titanic (1997)
Why?
Why is this the biggest grossing movie of all times? Why was this movie academy awarded?
I cannot tell, in all honesty. Maybe it's just me, being male and stuff. I was told by women how unromantic it was not to love this movie.
There is nothing new to the moviegoer: Here we have a disaster happening. Almost everybody will die at the end of the movie - and hey, we know all about it even before going to the movie. And as with every proper disaster movie, we will get to know everybody so we care when they die.
Problem here: After having to watch the cast for what seemed to me like 3 hours I really looked forward for the ship to sink...
Knight Moves (1992)
Now this is one terrible movie...
Well, the last 10 minutes are so terribly written and directed that I just wanted to have it end. Every - and I mean every cliche from horror and trillers was put in that minutes.
None of the characters are likable, but man, they are predictable. The cops are complete morons who don't see a clue when it's right before their eyes. The shrink of cause falls in love with the suspect.
Possible Spoiler ahead (that is, if you've never seen a movie before...)
And don't mention the story. In the beginning, you find out why everything is happening. And it's really hard to wait so long for the "conclusion" if that's what you want to call it - you won't. Is it really that hard to figure that everything in the movie happens because of what happened years before? And while you're there, watch out how many male persons run around in the movie that fit that age and know about chess....
Amanda and the Alien (1995)
Terrible
Now what's wrong with the actors that took part in that crap? Michael Dorn should stick to the Star Treck merchandise. John Diehl, does anyone remember him in Miami Vice? Liked him there... Well, whatever - what can one expect from a movie with one of the lifeguards from baywatch in the lead? Nothing, and that's what we get. None of the characters is even likable, the special effects are hilarious (but not funny). The story is a (very bad) joke. There is no logic whatsoever for what's happening. I got the feeling that the film makers were trying some kind of "Attack of the killer tomatoes" kind of thing. Especially in the scene where all the important people were discussing national security in some kind of a closet...
If you happen to see it on TV, switch channels - your TV set will be ever thankful.
Arlington Road (1999)
Surprise ending? No way, dude!
I have to say, that I heard a lot about this movie. People said that it had one of the best plot twists ever. Well, only proves the fact that may people haven't seen too many movies or only very bad ones (go see "witness of the prosecution" to see a real plot twist)...
I have to admit, the first 30 minutes or so are okay. However, the lead by Bridges is a major letdown. Hey, I did not care for him for one second. Why? Because all about him hinted to the "twist". Come on guy. This character has the "secret" of the ending all written over him - in capital letters.
If anyone has any doubt about how the movie will end after the lecture he gives to his students - sorry, it's just too plain obvious.
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
The third place!
Yeah, the third installment also comes in third at the finishing line. More and more of the visul gags and Nielsens face are not really funny any more. But is still has enough power to be an above average comedy. And it has "Weird" Al playing the biggest part of all the three Naked Gun Movies!
The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)
Yeah, it's a sequel
and I really miss how Frank "parks" his car. But this one is one of the all time great comedys. Worth the money for the look on Nielsens face alone.
Hint: The dvd audio commentary is almost as funny as the movie itself.
Aw, they don't make them any more like this...
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Fantastic music, decent cinematographic, awful movie
Hey, a new Tarantino movie.
Like in the movies by/featuring Tarantino before, there were people leaving the theater. Unlike the movies before, I could understand them. In Pulp Fiction, all those stories coming together was fun. In this "movie" the director did what he could to muddle up everything. In Reservoir Dogs and From dusk till dawn there was extreme violence. But it was done in a way that you could actually watch it. It was funny, cool, over the top, you name it.
But this head off, arm off, leg off tour-de-force wasn't anything but lame.
There were a few things that saved the day for me. Seeing Michael Parks reprise his lawman was the best part in the movie. Unluckily enough, this was just 2 minutes of the movie that I enjoyed.
This one broke my movie rule number one: "You shalt not bore me"
Werner - Gekotzt wird später! (2003)
If you like your jokes low - this is for you
First of all: I didn't like the animation. These days, all the animated movies are filled with computer graphics. While this can be perfectly implemented in the movie and look great, this doesn't apply to Werner 4. All the rendered stuff (i.e. the "modified" car) is in sheer contrast to the rest of the animations and backgrounds. This takes away some joy of the animation for me.
The movie starts with the second half of a soccer match which was the biggest laugh in the first movie. While I can still rotfl watching the "first half" in the 20th rerun on tv, I didn't really here: It's just a carbon copy from the first movie.
After the soccer sequence I was a little bit disappointed, and for some more minutes nothing made me really lol.
However, just when I thought I had wasted my money, there was one killer joke after the other. Okay, they were really low, but some times I had really problems to breathe between laughing.
My rating 7/10 (movie starts kinda slow but then gets hilarious)