schpordlokk

this movie is basically complete crap redeemed by strong performances from the lead actors. there are no real scares to be had here, and the monster is stupid looking, but i found myself actually interested to see what fate had in store for the two stars of the film. kudos for making me care about that, but otherwise stop churning out garbage horror movies.

my grade: **1/2 (out of ****)

how do i put this? uhhhhmmmmm.. gee let me think- this movie is BEAUTIFUL!!!! BOOOYAHAHAH! this is clearly the premiere underground b-movie action flick of all time. it is hilarious, explosive, and teeming with quotable dialogue that will have you screaming in your seat! i was squealing myself. the plot alone is funny: this guy named billy ray steals these diamonds from these gangsters and is hunted down by the head honcho's ugly henchmen. billy ray's girlfriend flees after he is shot in one of the funniest death scenes i have ever witnessed. enter cop Clay Osbourne and his Danny Glover-imitation partner, nicknamed Panama (you'll have to wait until the end to find out the meaning behind this moniker). the two veterans take in the girlfriend on a witness protection assignment or something. anyways, what follows is TNT. the trio encounters this cool band of villains, including the menacing Drago and the Chuck Norris-esque Lucky. you won't believe how awesome this movie gets. considerate it a blessing if you ever find this title at your local video store. I own a copy myself, probably one of the only ones in existence. see it at all costs.