Someguysomwhere

You can pass the time with The Unholy if you really need a movie fix or have nothing else to do. A washed up writer (because of lies and phony stories) goes out to some rural area on a call from a resident about something to do with his cow. (cow = rural in math, ask your teacher) It turned out to be nothing the writer could use, but while there he is drawn to an old tree. There he finds a doll wrapped in chains. I think you know where this is going from here, Reader. It's about religion, sorcery, Satan, hocus-pocus, a tired road for horror film making unless someone does it really well and/or puts a new spin on it which, alas, did not happen here unless you want to count the fact that the virgin Mary is treated like god himself or his peer in this movie by the town folk. Guess they thought he had become more secure over the eons.

A serial killer leaves behind a box of "worry dolls" after he is killed by cops. Basically, you tell your worries to a worry doll and supposedly it takes them into itself thus liberating you. Anyhow (yawn), the dolls (4 or 5, I believe) accidentally get distributed while in transit to police headquarters. Not a good thing for the new owners whose fears and insecurities become amplified to paranoia by the dolls.

The good news: Movie could have been longer. But don't take this to mean it was a terrible movie. It was just a straight-forward, "nothing new or surprising" movie. Once you learn about the dolls in the earlier part of the film, your brain just coasts thru some bloody, but unremarkable deaths until the end where there is a little bit of the unexpected. Before I close, let me say this: A human being on fire is not funny. But I think that if in a movie said human is made to run a considerable distance while aflame....well...you know. I'm only human, folks! Love, Boloxxxi.

So, another movie classic has been remade to less than rave revues (Surprise!). One reviewer here called this remake "filth" which had me chuckling since as a movie-reference, the term is usually applied to unsavory violence, and/or sex, and/or language. None of which were in this movie. But I totally understand. Messing with someone's movie classic (or song) is almost like messing with their religion. They will go off-the-wall on your ass. I've had some of my own personal favorites re-tooled or re-told, whatever, and I was just as miffed as the reviewer I mentioned. And would myself not be aversed to using terms or language that did not logically apply. Here's one: "Shaft", remade with Samuel L. Jackson. (I forget the idiot who did it). You would not have wanted to be anywhere near me when that happened. Samuel L. Jackson is a fine actor, and a busy one, since he appears in every other movie. But Shaft?!!! No f!!cking way!!!

Do I need to tell you what this movie is about?

On the off chance you haven't seen the original Poltergeist then use the basic or generic model of most ghost horror movies "Family moves into a new home and sh!t happens". The interesting thing here is that this movie would have been received a little better without any association as a remake or "update" to the original Poltergeist. Thus, given a different title and some of the more obvious content similarities removed (like the little girl and the TV, for example) it could have -standing on it's own- done a little better (maybe 5.8, or so). So it's being punished somewhat by fans of the original thru association and comparison. They wanted it to be as good or better. Can't argue with that.

In it's day Poltergeist introduced us to movie imagination and magic that we had not seen before; giving us a powerfully visual and frightening experience of certain aspects or areas of paranormal experience in the same way the original Exorcist did. Fans feel that this remake should have done the same thing instead of contenting itself with coasting along on the coat tails (name recognition) of it's parent. The producers should have accepted the challenge of doing as well if not better and blow us away a second time. Ah well, no point in crying over spilled milk or wasted opportunity.

So how'd this happen?

Well, I'm not sure how reliable my sources are, but one day, while golfing, fishing, or playing tennis, someone felt nostalgic. I dunno, maybe they were telling each other ghost stories on the course, on the lake, across the net, whatever, and someone said "Remember Poltergeist?" and the other responded, "Yeah, it scared the pants off me!" Then looking at each other thoughtfully, one said "Why not do an update?" And the other responded, "You mean a "remake"?" And the person with the brainstorm says, "An "update" showing off modern technology. You know, laptops, flat-screen-TVs, smart phones, black BFFs, drones...you know?" This got the other thinking, "You know, it could work. But aren't drones controversial?" And the brainstormer says, "You're right. Sh!t! I really wanted one of those things to fly over the house at the end of the movie and nuke it. The audience would go wild!" They later decided they would work out a compromise. Love, Boloxxxi.