Reviews

Given its proximity to one of the world's most secretive states, it's perhaps no surprise that the South Korean box office is dominated by films about spies – whatever the genre. In that vein, this perfectly serviceable (if unoriginal) rom-com sees a hapless young dropout fall for a beautiful North Korean spy, who is working undercover at a Seoul 'Burger King' while hunting down a defector on the run from Pyongyang. Although the concept would later be redone – and far better – in 2007's My Girlfriend Is An Agent, those looking for a charming and inoffensive romp could do a lot worse than this…

Spy Girl begins from the perspective of Ko-bong, a perpetual loser whose bachelor status is a constant source of ridicule. Hoping to inspire the lovelorn chap, Ko-bong's friends direct him to a website they've set up that allows young men from across Seoul to share pictures of attractive girls working in local fast food restaurants. Ko-bong – along with half the population of Seoul, it seems – soon falls head over heels for newcomer Hyo-jin, who is described on the site as being "so beautiful, anyone who doesn't know her is a North Korean spy".

You can probably guess where this is going.

After switching to Hyo-jin's perspective, we learn that she actually is a spy for the North and is in Seoul to track down a defector wanted for embezzlement. The fast food job is a useful cover for this, but when Hyo-jin stumbles across the 'hotties' website – and misinterprets the "North Korean spy" reference as blowing her cover – she quickly tracks down the owners of the site to demand they delete her photos. They agree, but on one condition: Hyo-jin has to go on a 'blind' date with their friend, Ko-bang. And so it begins.

In one sense, it is difficult to criticise Spy Girl because it delivers much of what it promises at the outset: some proper laughs, a sprinkle of genuine charm and lots of screen time for the strikingly attractive Kim Jung-hwa. But even judged by this lower standard, it isn't a perfect film by any means. I think what ultimately lets it down is its lack of clear focus and direction. Perhaps due to the dual-perspective opening, the whole film feels like it's just setting the scene for something bigger; it never really gets out of that 'first act' mentality into something approaching a conventional narrative.

By the time we approach the final act, then, we're still not really sure if the two protagonists are even in a relationship, let alone if it's a strong one. This obviously makes it difficult to empathise with the characters when they face inevitable tough decisions towards the end. So although there's plenty of genuine laughs and some very funny scenes along the way, the overall structure for those scenes seems sadly lacking.

But perhaps I'm being too harsh. This isn't meant to be taken seriously: it's a fun, leave-your-brain-at-the-door romantic comedy that hopes to raise a smile or two en route to a warm and fuzzy ending. Judged by that standard, Spy Girl succeeds - although if you haven't yet seen the similarly themed (and quite brilliant) My Girlfriend Is An Agent, you might want to check that out first.

6/10 - more than watchable.

The Ringu franchise gets a 21st century update in this fourth instalment of the classic horror series. Coming over a decade after Ring 0, Sadako 3D was a real chance to kickstart the ailing series and give renewed life to Koji Suzuki's classic story. Sadly, although the film starts well and manages to update key elements of the Sadako folklore, it is ultimately let down by a bizarre finale and its completely pointless use of 3D. We are left to wonder whether Sadako should have perhaps stayed down the well.

The film begins with the suicide of a disgraced artist, broadcast via webcam to a handful of people on a video sharing website. Although the video is promptly deleted, it soon becomes notorious throughout Japan as "the cursed video" after rumours emerge that all who watch it take their own lives shortly thereafter. The legend is particularly popular among teenagers, who scour the net 24/7 trying to find a working link among the '404 not found' error pages.

The film's protagonist, Akane, is a high school teacher drawn into the legend after one of her students apparently commits suicide while watching the clip. As more and more of her class expose themselves to the danger, Akane learns of a connection between the suicidal artist and the notorious Sadako legend from a decade earlier. Could Sadako be behind this latest cursed video? If so, what does she want this time? And how can she be stopped?

For fans of American horror, Sadako 3D is to Ringu what Scream 4 was to Scream: a reimagining of the original story, transferred to a modern setting with modern technology, and with characters who are aware of the previous films' events. Where Scream 4 failed was in trying to merge the original premise – of teenagers being isolated and stalked in a small town – with the modern setting, never really answering the question of how a 21st century teenager can ever be 'isolated' in an era of smartphones and mobile internet. By contrast, the writers of Sadako 3D recognise that the original film's premise would seem dated today, and use advances in technology to their advantage.

For starters, Sadako no longer needs a television set to wreak her revenge: the creepy long-haired girl appears from smartphones, laptops and even electronic advertising boards. It's a useful ploy that means characters are never really safe wherever they are, and it works well. What also succeeds is the uncertainty of the 'cursed video': instead of a tape that characters either watch (and be damned, exactly seven days later) or don't watch (and be safe), the video is an online stream that moves about the internet, appearing at random on computers or smartphones that have previously searched for it. This means you are never really sure when (or if) a character will be next, giving a breath of fresh air to what could have been considered, by now, a tired concept.

All of that, though, is completely undermined by the final act, where the director (for some inexplicable reason) decides to crossover a decent paranormal ghost story with a creature feature – with predictably terrible results. Without spoiling the full details in this review, nuances from the Sadako legend are reduced to Silent Hill-like zombie creatures, almost leaving the viewer unsure if they're still watching the same film. Of course, genre crossovers are popular in Asian cinema and can be done successfully (see, e.g., Spellbound), but this just fails miserably. Things do get back on track somewhat for the ultimate finale, which satisfies to a point, but the damage has already been done by that stage.

Mention must also be made of the 3D effects. Although often a gimmick at the best of times, the extra dimension serves no purpose whatsoever here, being restricted to shots of Sadako's hand emerging from screens of various sizes – and that's about it. Moreover, since most of the (modest) budget appears to have been spent on the 3D apparatus, the film looks decidedly low-budget when watched in 2D, with some truly laughable CGI effects. I appreciate that the 3D 'gimmick' may have been required to get this film made at all, but I do wonder whether the final act would have strayed so far from the Ringu folklore had the director not being able to cheat his way out of proper storytelling with the cheap, gimmicky effect.

Ultimately, then, we are left with the feeling of what could have been. With its decent overall premise and its intelligent use of technology to update the original story, this could have been the refreshing reboot needed to kickstart the Ringu franchise. As it is, Sadako 3D is a mere curiosity; worth a watch (for the first hour at least) if you enjoy the original films, but more likely (in the final act) to alienate existing fans than win over new ones.

5 out of 10 – disappointing.

Having just seen a press advance of this movie, I thought I'd post my first impressions.

I'll confess to being caught up in the teen slasher craze of the late nineties - movies like Scream and Urban Legend really floated my boat back then, and to a lesser extent, still do. I Know what You Did Last Summer and its over-criticised sequel certainly slotted into this category nicely.

A sequel more or less in name only, the plot sees a group of teenage friends deciding to keep the death of their friend in a backfired prank a secret... one year later, in the days leading up to the tragedy's anniversary, the four receive ominous 'I Know...' messages before being picked off one by one by a hooded character in the 'Fisherman' outfit from the first two movies. Who could possibly know what they did? Is it someone out for revenge? Or is the original fisherman back to wreak more havoc?

From the box art (and the seven year delay) it was clear that this was never going to have the same high production values or quality acting as those late nineties slashers, but I didn't quite expect as far a drop as this. White's direction, while lacking any genuine drawn-out suspense, is at least edgy and 'hip'; sadly, acting from all but the pretty lead Brooke is decidedly wooden. Four or five minutes into the movie, you can see why Sony decided to bypass a cinema release in favour of a straight-to-video one.

That said, if taken as a low budget teen slasher in the vein of 'The Pool' and 'Lover's Lane', it actually works quite well. The true identity of the fisherman is well hidden, with various red herrings keeping the audience guessing. The special effects appear to have consumed a large chunk of the budget, too - one gutting, akin to the 'hook in the throat' from the first 'I Know...' movie, is particularly gruesome.

Ultimately, I felt let down by the ending - but I would imagine everyone's opinion would really depend on their reaction to the killer's identity. As a sequel to what I consider two of the most enjoyable slashers of the late nineties, 'I'll Always Know...' fails miserably. Taken as a standalone low budget slasher, there's more of a hook. 2.5 / 5.

Hilarious comedy starring Ben Stiller as a recently married risk analyst who walks in on his new wife and their scuba instructor making whoopy on the first day of their honeymoon. Shocked, he moves back to New York and swiftly falls for a ditzy, carefree former classmate, Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston) - but just as things start to get interesting, guess who shows up full of remorse?

(It's his wife - in case you're not following =) )

As a bit of background to this review, I think Ben Stiller is one of the funniest actors in Hollywood at the moment, I'm completely head over heels in love with Jennifer Aniston and I own a pet ferret, so to say I've been anticipating this movie's release since seeing the trailer near the end of last year is quite the understatement. Thankfully, it delivers on all fronts - with the laughs coming thick and fast from start to finish, Aniston looking as fab as ever and the ferret being involved in some memorable moments. What more can you ask for?

One of my minor quibbles was that, even though Stiller's wife (comically portrayed by Debra Messing of 'Will and Grace' fame) had the nerve to do what she did on their honeymoon, the script still portrayed her as an extremely likeable person to make Stiller's choice of which girl to stay with that much harder. In many movies - and indeed, real life - I don't think the wife would have had any comeback whatsoever after such an incident! It is a comedy after all, though, so this is a very minor complaint.

Alec Baldwin, Hank Azaria and Philip Seymour Hoffman all give side-splitting perfomances in their (albeit cameo) roles to round off an entertaining comedy success - 2004 may only be 29 days old but I'd be very surprised if Hollywood releases a better comedy crowd-pleaser this year. Quality entertainment!

**** / *****

How many films can you honestly say scared the living skit out of you? For me, there are only four such titles: The Exorcist, Ring (Jap version), Halloween and What Lies Beneath. These movies possess a certain quality needed to tickle your scary bone, have well though-out, plausible storylines, and use every trick in the book to ensure you don't sleep without the light on for weeks to come. All of which, also, are attributes sorely missing from this tame slasher from the land down under.

In 1990, an acclaimed horror director (played by Kylie Minogue!) was brutally murdered by the lead actor in her latest slasher production "Hot Blooded". Production was obviously halted but four years later a plucky young director decided the resurrect the project and pass it off as his own. He was killed during a private screening of the workprint and the killer was never caught. The project has now attained cult recognition worldwide, with claims by some of a 'death curse' surrounding the movie and anyone who tries to complete it.

Step up the graduating film studies class of 2000! Led by the plucky Tess, these fearless (or stupid, depending on your tolerancy level) teens decide it'll be fun to work on such a high profile picture - and with slasher pics undergoing a revival, it may even clean up at the box office. Amazingly, they persuade the original actress (Molly Ringwald) to come back as the heroine and begin shooting the new footage a.s.a.p. Naturally, someone didn't want them to do this and before long a masked killer begins to bump off the crew members with his garden shears/machete ensemble. Now it's up to the smart girls leading the production to work out just who it is and why... before it's too late.

'Cut' starts off well enough and is helped by some wonderfully camp performances from Molly Ringwald and Kylie Minogue in her rather brief cameo. Acting can't always save a poorly written movie, though and the lack of logic and plausible suspects by the midway mark begin to drag the whole thing down. By the finale, the promise of the first fifteen minutes has well and truly disappeared as the director attempts to merge horror subgenres with disasterous results. Another notable omission from the director is the use of suspense; deaths are signposted well in advance and there isn't a single jump in the entire feature. That said, it is mildly entertaining in parts and therefore not a total washout - just very, very close to one. Not recommended - ** / *****

I don't know what show the reviewer below has been watching but it sure as hell isn't 'Seinfeld'! If an excess of twenty million viewers every week isn't a broad based viewership I don't know what is... and humour aimed at upper - elite - whatevers? It's a show about NOTHING for crying out loud! And it's hilarious...

'Seinfeld' follows the day-to-day lives of a small-time comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, and his pals Elaine (with whom he once went out), best friend George and wacky neighbour Kramer. Most of the episodes had the most benign plotlines but the witty writing from Larry David and, of course, the man Jerry made it the funniest thing on TV by a long stretch.

I'm from the UK and while this was never as breakthrough a hit over here as it was in the States, it had an ever-adoring fanbase and was at one time the most watched show on our major satellite entertaiment channel Sky One. I can remember watching the finale almost in tears - sad at the fact it would never be gracing my 14" portable again; and in hysterics at the fate befalling the unlucky foursome.

Thankfully, unlike most shows long since ended, the legacy of 'Seinfeld' is still very much alive with buzzing fansites worldwide and the most successful syndicated re-runs in the history of US television. Other UK fans may be interested to know that the Paramount Comedy Channel shows reruns over here - in their correct order - every day... that's enough for me until the DVDs come out :-)

After reading the reviews here on the imdb for this movie, I feel I have to step in the redress the balance somewhat! Sure, this isn't "Gladiator" but it's one of the better teen slashers from the eighties and doesn't deserve the mauling it's received here.

The plot - a menacing killer picking off university co-eds during a scavenger hunt - is just a credible as the more popular storylines in slashers like "Prom Night" and "Friday The 13th" and the direction from Robert Deubel generates many decent jolts and suspense. Everything moves at an entertaining pace upto a satisfying finale with a neat little twist.

I'm a big fan of these campus slasher pics - other fine examples being "Final Exam" and "Graduation Day" - and, for me, this was one of the best ones from the eighties. It may look a little dated now we've seen the "Scream"s and "I Know.."s of the late nineties but I'm sure most fans of this nifty horror subgenre will enjoy. Recommended.

**** / *****

Korea's answer to American Pie and the like sees clutzy university freshman Eun-shik falling for dream girl Eun-hyo (Ji-won Ha of Phone and Nightmare fame). But while his rather pathetic attempts to woo her fail to register, Eun-hyo is swept off her feet by dashing - and frivolous - playboy Sangik. With Eunhyo unable to see past her new lover's infidelite ways, Eun-shik must try to mature his image to save his dream girl from making a terrible choice.

"Sex Is Zero" starts off in hilarious fashion, with Eun-shik and his similarly sex-obsessed friends trying to score with as many college girls as is humanly possible. Throw in a couple of jokes about manhoods and cosmetic implants and we're talking comedy heaven. Unfortunately, as I've noticed with a few Korean films of late, the director chooses to veer off into other, more serious, genres in the final reel and this really puts the dampeners on the humour. There's one particularly shocking revelation around the hour mark which is so serious for a comedy that the film barely recovers - but of course I won't spoil it here. Put it this way, you know in a Hollywood production of this ilke that the good natured guy is always going to get his girl at the end... Korean productions are far more unpredictable!

Acting is excellent from all the main cast and the director brings a funky, lively and very energetic approach to his duties resulting in a highly entertaining mix of comedy, drama and weepie rolled into one. Comedy fans should be satisfied with the opening hour - people looking for a little more substance will lap up the finale. All in all, a recommended movie - ***.5 / *****

One night, while investigating a routine break in downtown, two police officers find a couple with their wrists slit in a parked car. They're rushed to the local hospital where, despite the donation of blood from three samaritans, the man falls into a coma and the woman dies. Shortly after, the three blood donors begin to suffer strange hallucinations of an apparition following their every move. Could the woman's spirit be wreaking revenge against the donors for separating her from her lover, or is there a more rational explanation for the apparitions?

I feel somewhat like a soccer journalist writing this review. Why? Well, with ten minutes to go at a soccer match, a good journalist will have all but finished his story - leaving spaces for any minor last minute incidents near the bottom - but if there's a major turnaround such as one team overturning a deficit to win, he has a problem! Similarly, seventy minutes into NEW BLOOD, I had my review and probable star rating all planned out - only for a typically Hong Kong-style confusing turn of events to send me back to the drawing board. And that's the best way of reviewing this... as a film of two halves.

The opening half is rather excellent and, despite a low budget, manages to exude style along with wit, suspense and blood (gallons of the stuff). The characters are well developed, acting is parable with top quality Korean and Japanese cinema and the storyline moves along in a fluid manner. Then, just when you think you've got a grip of events and understand what's happening, the director goes all "Twin Peaks" on us and gives us the most bizarre twenty minute finale I've seen since "Rasen: The Spiral". Shame, too, 'cos this one really had potential - ** / *****

My review for Juon 2003 was very nearly my shortest ever. For while you can talk about plot, characters, cast and crew for as long as you want, some movies can be completely summarised in just one word. Ju-On 2002 is one of those movies; the word best describing it rhyming with kite.

This really is disappointing from start to finish. Although it's technically a remake of Takashi Shimizu's TV movie of the same name, you wouldn't know it by the plot which is completely different (to the point of unrecognition) and - for reasons unknown - the director has ditched the creepy, understated visuals of his original for a graphically explicit medley of blood, gore and other such unpleasantries. It's basically Halloween 2 to Halloween.

Plot holes are evident throughout but one particular nuance was a break from the norm: all of the characters were likeable people and we did get to know them through some decent character development. I did come to care for Izumi, Rika and co. and for that, Ju-On deserves at least two stars. The supposedly creepy blue faced boy was just laughable, however; I'm told that this was rated one of the scariest movies of recent years in its native Japan. With genuinely suspenseful entries like 'Kairo' and 'Dark Water' to compete with, I find that extremely hard to believe!

So, in summary, if you like the idea of the film - a spirit returning from the dead to haunt the new occupants of the house in which they were killed - and want to see how it can be handled effectively, watch the original television movie from 2000. If you're just a fan of Asian horror and think this could be the next "Ringu", do yourself a favour and save a few sheckles. Not recommended - ** / *****

A group of internet pen-pals decide to throw away the cloak of anonymity and meet up at the local beach and adjoining campsite for a weekend of fun. But what begins as harmless pranks and a little bit of lovin' soon escalates into complete chaos when a maniacal killer starts to pick off the helpless teenagers in a typically gruesome fashion. Now it's up to the survivors to work out who it could be - including the very real possibility that one of them could be hiding an extremely disturbing secret.

It's a little hard to believe nowadays but the premise behind FRIDAY THE 13TH was once an original idea. The thought of another movie depicting horny and stupid teenagers being picked off by a psychopath with some trivial grudge against them - or their employers/predecessors/hamsters etc - makes me cringe but the prospect of seeing how the Koreans, whose film industry I have nothing but the utmost respect for, tackled this infamous genre was an opportunity too good to pass up. And I'm glad I decided to splash out the £7.25 to DDDHouse for the privilige! "Bloody Beach" starts in dubious fashion, with a teenage girl being stabbed to death while doing the business on a train toilet, but soon picks up when the internet pen-pals meet up at their lakeside resort.

"Bloody Beach" isn't trying to compete on the same level as "Battle Royale" or "Ringu"; it's a fun slasher designed to emulate the early 1980s American slashers and for a large part of the time it succeeds admirably. The deaths are inventive, the dialogue is riddled with witty one-liners, the cast are wholly believable and the director knows how to generate a decent jolt or two. Plot holes are evident towards the end of the movie but we get a satisfying final reel with a stonking conclusion and a few totally unexpected twists and turns. "Deadly Camp" may have (wrongly) claimed the title in 1999 but "Bloody Beach" actually deserves it: this is FRIDAY THE 13TH - Asian style! Recommended - ***.5 / *****

Hugely enjoyable action flick in the vein of "Speed" and "The Rock", which sees a brilliant criminal take control of a busy rush hour train before making seemingly impossible demands of the local control tower. He didn't bank on one particular passenger, however: a renegade cop with a score to settle with the man who killed his fiance years earlier.

TUBE really is a thrill ride of a film, superior to just about anything Hollywood has offered in this genre since "The Rock" and certainly comparable to Korean smash-hit "Shiri". The latter takes itself much more seriously, though: TUBE has as many witty one-liners as gun battles and explosions and doesn't lose the audience with complicated back stories or distracting subplots. Acting is stellar from all the main cast and the director does an incredible job in giving this the look and feel of a movie with ten times its relatively small budget.

So, if you're after an entertaining two hours without having your mind working overtime, you'll go a long way to find a better flick than TUBE. It's the closest thing to "Die Hard" we're ever likely to see nowadays - highly recommended. **** / *****

Sci-fi opus from cult director Kinji Fukasaku which sees the Japanese Government launch an extreme counter measure against unruly teenagers who have the entire country living in fear. The Battle Royale Act, led by a former schoolteacher, dictates that one class of high school kids be chosen at random and taken to a deserted island where they will forced to kill each other off until only one remains - he/she being allowed to return home as the ultimate proof of how far the lawmakers are willing to go to curb the tide of juvenile disobedience.

BATTLE ROYALE's a movie I'm relieved I didn't let slip by unnoticed. It's not the sort of film I usually go for, either, but my love of other Asian gems like RINGU and THE EYE compelled me to see whatever else Far Eastern filmmakers had to offer and this came highly recommended from many sources.

It's essentially a tale of survival and focuses primarily on two close friends - Nanahara and Noriko - who initially refuse point blank to harm their classmates before coming to the horrifying realisation that they have little choice. It's interesting for a movie with such a high bodycount to spend time developing the characters but we do get to know all the main protagonists and the at-times heartbreaking choices they have to make in order to survive. Not all the children have the same feelings, though - some of the bullied and more unpopular kids relish the chance of being allowed to take their tormentors lives legally - and it's fun to see such drastic transformations in a few of the characters from virginal 16 year olds to cold blooded killers.

Violence can never be applauded - and if the British Government ever tried a similar thing I'd imagine there'd be a few complaints! - but director Kinji Fukasaku handles proceedings with a steady hand and resists the temptation to turn this into an excessive bloodbath. The atrocities of the battle are counted with some snappy one-liners and flashbacks to happier times.

Movies don't earn cult followings for no reason and BATTLE ROYALE certainly justifies its enormous worldwide following. It's refreshing, it's highly entertaining and I loved every minute. Highly recommended! ***** / *****

The long-awaited clash of the horror movie titans has finally arrived but with so much anticipation, could "Freddy vs Jason" possibly live up to the top billing? There's been rewrites upon rewrites, recasting upon recasting and rights battles to make the Microsoft v Apple case look like a bus pass application - so was it worth it all?

Was it ever!

"Freddy vs Jason" is superb - seamlessly blending the supernatural elements of Elm Street with the sheer brutality of Crystal Lake to create one of the finest horror movies I've seen since "Scream". We all know that Freddy's got the brains and Jason's got the brawn... so who's got the killer edge to eventually triumph? I won't tell you here - this is a movie all horror fans should definitely see.

The titular battle is NOT the actual focus of the movie, however, but a climatic conclusion to an enthralling and highly entertaining teen slasher movie who's bodycount is probably akin to the entire "Elm Street" series before it. Deep in the bowels of hell, Freddy revives Jason and sends him on a killing mission to Elm Street to spread the fear ahead of his own return. Once there, however, Jason won't stop killing and Freddy soon realises he'll have to take him out himself if there's to be any potential victims left for him!

The makers of FVJ have certainly done their homework and returned to a winning formula of blood, gore, wicked humour, nice looking girls and a little bit of T&A after some truly dismal sequels in both series. This is easily the best "Elm Street" and "Friday The 13th" sequel rolled into one - my only very minor complaint being that, as a diehard "Friday" fan, this is far more an "Elm Street" sequel. But it works very well, so I'm not saying anything :-)

All in all, "Freddy vs Jason" is the first landmark horror movie of the new millennium. Forget "Cabin Fever" and "House of 1000 Corpses"... there's life in the professionals yet :-) **** / *****

The dubiously titled SUICIDE CIRCLE begins with - shock, horror - the mass suicide of fifty four unrelated high school girls who throw themselves under a high speed train at a busy Tokyo station. The police have a brief investigation but soon rule out the possibility of foul play; it is, in their eyes, a tragic accident.

Unfortunately, over the ensuing weeks more and more teenagers start to jump, slit and suffocate their way into the news and the Japanese police are forced to consider the possibility of criminal intent. There's even talk among high schoolers of a 'suicide circle' - groups of youngsters who agree to take their own lives in spectacular stunts - and a mysterious website which appears to be keeping tally of all the deaths... before they even happen.

SUICIDE CIRCLE is a movie I wasn't expecting a great deal from so it was a pleasant surprise to find it interesting and thought provoking from the very start. I wouldn't call it an out-and-out horror movie though, as it's more typical of Japanese movies in the pre-RINGU era in that there's very few actual jumps or scares; the idea that some of the things are happening are far scarier than their execution in the movie.

The storyline does go into a five/ten minute 'lull' near the final reel but everything is brought to a satisfying conclusion at the end with a nice twist I for one didn't see coming. It's very different from anything Hollywood has to offer but if you're a fan of Asian cinema - and movies like RINGU, BATTLE ROYALE, TOMIE and so on - this should be right up your alley. Recommended. ***.5 / *****

Thailand's answer to "Final Destination" sees a group of high schoolers being picked off in gruesome fashion after learning of a supernatural phone number that can grant your most unattainable wishes. And while everyone who calls gets their Ferraris, dream jobs, scholarships and such, the unfortunate (or foolish depending on your point of view) youngsters soon realise that they're expected to provide something rather important in return: their lives.

It all sounds very corny and cliched but 999-9999 is actually very enjoyable teen horror from start to finish. Plotting is solid - leaving no room for holes or discrepencies - acting from all the cast is top drawer and light relief is given in the form of many hilarious one-liners / scenarios. Direction owes a great deal to the fast paced 'MTV style' so common in recent US movies but for once this is actually a good thing - 999-9999's a fun, hip movie and it's not ashamed of it.

It's very bloody and gory - which surprised me a little, to be honest - but some of the effects (anyone who's seen the airlock scene will know what I'm talking about) are poorly rendered CGI which removes any repulsion factor. One scene that can cause a quiver would be where one of the boys slices his stomach on a window ledge, catching his intestine, and then proceeds to fall to the ground with his intestines being removed as he goes. Not something to watch with the family, you see.

999-9999 is actually the first Thai movie I've ever seen - despite being a huge fan of the Japanese and Korean genres - and if this is a typical example of Thai cinema, I can see some trips to Bangkok in my near future. It has more in common with US horror than Asian but all fans of "Final Destination" should enjoy. Recommended. *** / *****

Best described as a trio of scary tales, this Chinese release from the late nineties showcases some of the worst moments of cinema to ever come from the Far East. We follow a struggling scriptwriter as he tries to concoct a terrifying screenplay for his hard-to-please boss - each short story being acted out for our benefit by a bunch of talentless actors...

All three vignettes revolve around a central premise - a haunted website (990714.com) which allows the average surfer to communicate with the underworld. Amazingly, the first story starts off rather well with a group of teenagers who've recently logged on to the site being picked off in gruesome fashion. This story soon degenerates into an incomprehensible mess, unfortunately - but compared to the tales to follow, it's a classic.

Stories 2 and 3 have interesting enough themes - a guardian angel ghost protecting a woman from vicious criminals and the seemingly impossible disappearance of a building's third floor - but their shoddy execution completely ruins any of the plot's promise. Any shocks are signposted well in advance and there isn't a single jump in the entire feature.

You can always tell how bad a movie is when it resorts to using maggots as a cheap scare and 990714.com does this on a number of occasions towards the end. Without exaggeration, this is abysmal - with terrible acting, awful direction, lacklustre plotting and, to quote a line from the English subtitle track on the DVD I watched, "it's stink". Enough said. * / *****

Cult ghost story from the late seventies starring George C Scott as a composer, still mourning the tragic deaths of his wife and daughter in a car accident, who moves into a creepy old mansion and soon detects an otherworldly presence. After a little research, he realises the spirit could be that of a six year old boy murdered in the house seventy years earlier - a spirit who seems to have a message for his new houseguest.

THE CHANGELING isn't as great a horror movie as many claim but it does have its moments and is generally a fine way to pass a Saturday night. Scott seems a little miscast in the title role and approaches his character with an unnecessary hostility but the other cast members do a commendable job, bringing a sense of realism to a wholly supernatural tale. Direction from Peter Medak is competent throughout and very typical of the late seventies era.

Shocks are more intellectual than in-your-face - the very idea that some of the things are happening is scarier than their execution in the movie - and there's a lack of logic throughout which makes things hard to accept at times. If this house is so haunted and scares the living preverbials out of Scott, for example, why does he persist in living there? That said, it is a horror movie and reasonable thinking can't always be expected of characters in this genre.

Overall, I would rate this on par with THE AMITYVILLE HORROR - another above average supernatural chiller - as a movie which doesn't quite live up to its full potential. It's certainly creepy and intense - just don't expect another EXORCIST. *** / *****

Hideo Nakata's DARK WATER shares many parallels with his 1998 masterpiece RINGU - not least in the storyline. A single mother, battling for custody of her six year old daughter but losing the fight as a result of previous psychiatic treatment, moves into a dilapidated apartment complex and is soon plagued by a constant dripping of murky water from her kitchen ceiling. She also starts seeing a girl around the building - one who closely resembles a long-missing schoolgirl - but is what she's seeing real or is it all a delusional nightmare?

I personally don't think Nakata - or anyone else for that matter - will ever match the sheer intensity, suspense and ingenuity of RINGU (certainly not for a while, anyway) and it's unfortunate that his latest effort - also based on a Koji Suzuki novel - has to be compared to that. It's impossible not to, however, and while DARK WATER has a few chilling moments, it suffers from a woeful lack of pace and a rather incomprehensible plot which ultimately result in a disappointing feature.

Acting is magnificent, with Hitomi Kuroki giving a performance to rival anything I've seen in Asian cinema as the distraught mother whose love for her child could be driving her slowly mad; and the youngster portraying the daughter is utterly flawless throughout. Nakata's direction is suitably creepy and makes good use of a chilling musical score.

To be truthful, though, I'm surprised DARK WATER has had the mass critical acclaim it has. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie and plan to watch it again soon but, as a horror movie, it just doesn't deliver. The scares are definitely scary - there's just too few of them - and while this works as a drama, horror fans may be disappointed. Not the next RINGU, I'm afraid. *** / *****

Hideo Nakata's DARK WATER shares many parallels with his 1998 masterpiece RINGU - not least in the storyline. A single mother, battling for custody of her six year old daughter but losing the fight as a result of previous psychiatic treatment, moves into a dilapidated apartment complex and is soon plagued by a constant dripping of murky water from her kitchen ceiling. She also starts seeing a girl around the building - one who closely resembles a long-missing schoolgirl - but is what she's seeing real or is it all a delusional nightmare?

I personally don't think Nakata - or anyone else for that matter - will ever match the sheer intensity, suspense and ingenuity of RINGU (certainly not for a while, anyway) and it's unfortunate that his latest effort - also based on a Koji Suzuki novel - has to be compared to that. It's impossible not to, however, and while DARK WATER has a few chilling moments, it suffers from a woeful lack of pace and a rather incomprehensible plot which ultimately result in a disappointing feature.

Acting is magnificent, with Hitomi Kuroki giving a performance to rival anything I've seen in Asian cinema as the distraught mother whose love for her child could be driving her slowly mad; and the youngster portraying the daughter is utterly flawless throughout. Nakata's direction is suitably creepy and makes good use of a chilling musical score.

To be truthful, though, I'm surprised DARK WATER has had the mass critical acclaim it has. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie and plan to watch it again soon but, as a horror movie, it just doesn't deliver. The scares are definitely scary - there's just too few of them - and while this works as a drama, horror fans may be disappointed. Not the next RINGU. *** / *****

Note that this isn't the original RING but the Korean remake...

If the Americans can remake Hideo Nakata's masterpiece RINGU, why can't the Koreans? THE RING VIRUS follows the familiar story of a reporter who must unravel the secret behind a mysterious videotape that kills anyone who watches it exactly seven days later - before her own seven days are up. She's helped in her unenviable task by a fellow cursee, a doctor whose fatal misjudgement years earlier has led to him being outcast.

THE RING VIRUS isn't exactly a shot-for-shot remake of RINGU but it is much truer to its inspiration than the US version. Most differences are only material, such as the reporter's child being a girl instead of a boy, her helper being a disgraced doctor rather than an ex-husband, and the telekinetic girl having the name Eun-Sul and not Sadako.

An attempt is made to shed light on Eun-Sul's life - which I admire - but the underlying sexual tone is somewhat out of place. Eun-Sul's first reported killing, for example, is of a man spying on her taking a shower (well, not just spying...) and her eventual death is linked to an outdoor sex scene. Isn't this too far a stretch? The director has also - whether intentionally or not - devoid this entirely of suspense; resulting in a huge anti-climax whenever Eun-Sul claims another victim.

Acting is fine if not outstanding but THE RING VIRUS is ultimately disappointing and fails to live upto its incredibly promising potential. If you're a fan of the RING saga this is probably compulsive viewing anyway but otherwise, this isn't recommended. Go watch RINGU again instead. ** / *****

For those of you who buy this movie expecting an Eastern "Friday The 13th" - as I did - you'll be sorely disappointed. For this isn't the Hong Kong answer to Sean Cunningham's 1980 slasher classic, but instead to a nod to the extremely brutal 1974 film "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", telling the story of five teenage friends holidaying on an idyllic island who fall afoul of a mentally retarded youngster and his chainsaw-happy father.

"1999 The Deadly Camp" is one of the worst movies I've ever seen - in ANY language. It's grim, it's low budget, the acting's despicable, the dialogue's corny beyond belief; I could go on and on. At first I wondered whether I was missing something in the subtitle translation but, although the 'burned-in' subs on the Widesight DVD release are very hard to read at times, it is the movie itself that deserves the most criticism.

The plot is completely infantile, the direction is lame beyond words and I honestly believe a pre-teen could do a better job given the plot premise. And it's so GRIM - slasher movies (at least in America and I'm sure in the Far East, too) are designed to be fun. Despite the ratings often given, I'm sure most films in this genre are made with the 13-21 age in mind and that's why we're often given a bit of a break from the harsh brutality of the killings with some humour or other light relief. No such luck here, though, as the unrelenting father kills anyone who doesn't have time for his mentally retarded - and sickeningly perverted - young son.

I'm a big fan of Asian cinema and this is certainly just a minor blot on their record for me but "1999 The Deadly Camp" is a movie which made me feel quite sick. Truly abysmal and not recommended in the slightest. * / *****

Fans of the original "Whispering Corridors" will be disappointed to learn that this is a sequel in name only; it shares absolutely no connection with the original movie apart from its title. The story tells of a girl, Min-ah, who finds a diary kept by two lesbian lover classmates at her boarding school - and soon begins suffering from strange hallucinations whenever she reads from it. Shortly after, one of the lovers is found dead and it's up to Min-ah to discover whether she killed herself or whether someone murdered her; before her spirit returns to the school for revenge.

"Memento Mori" is a wonderful movie, but it isn't an out-and-out horror flick as some have suggested. It's actually a cross between "The Virgin Suicides" and the original "Whispering Corridors", ie. a school ghost story ridden with teen love and infatuation, and the result is a beautifully crafted dreamlike feature which is a true delight to watch.

Acting is phenomenal from all concerned, with the actress playing Min-ah using a wide range of skills to play the different states her character finds herself in to perfection. The directors do a commendable job, too, even if their choice of camera angles is sometimes confusing - and the storyline occassionally lacks a clear narrative - I haven't enjoyed a Korean movie as much as this for quite some time.

Basically, "Memento Mori" is excellent from start to finish and seamlessly blends horror, suspense and romance to create a truly unforgettable feature. You'll need to think about some plotpoints carefully in order to fully understand what's happening - but it's totally worth the extra effort. Highly recommended. ****.5 / *****

Korea's answer to "I Know What You Did Last Summer" follows a similar story route to its American counterpart: one year after a group of high school friends accidentally kill a classmate, a masked killer begins to pick them off one by one. Who could have possibly seen them that night - or was their 'victim' still alive when they dumped him into the sea?

Originality cannot be expected from the teen slasher genre anymore but an effort can still be made to ensure films of this ilke are entertaining and scary. RECORD is neither, churning out badly rehashed scenes from "I Know...", "The House On Sorority Row" and "The Faculty" (among many others) and failing to deliver one decent shock throughout the 95 minutes.

Acting is decent from the cast who, as seems to be the norm in Korean cinema, approach an uninspiring script with gusto and an undeserved enthusiasm. Direction is mediocre at best, however; a strange choice of camera angles and the worst killer's costume *EVER* contributing to RECORD's downfall. Most disappointing is the film's ending, where the two 'surprise twists' are that obvious you've earlier dismissed them as being too blatant!

RECORD's only saving grace is its bright start - the first act is actually excellent and shows the American counterparts how character development and setting the mood are supposed to be done - but, other than that, this is a very poor movie. Not recommended.

** / *****

I rarely swear in a movie review. If I dislike a certain feature, I always try to describe it as 'disappointing' or 'only mildly enjoyable'. Unfortunately, there's only one word in the English language that could possibly sum up DUMB AND DUMBERER - and it rhymes with kite.

Plotwise, and that's a laughable word to use here, D&D tells the story of how dumbass friends Harry and Lloyd came to meet at high school. Forget the original's gutsy charm; this is a teen gross-out movie along the lines of "American Pie" - but as the two main protaganists have the mental age of a five year old (between them) - their goals aren't to lose their virginity or anything adult like that, simply to recruit people to be in their special needs class.

Sound fun? I especially like the way that director Troy Miller decided to make Harry and Lloyd unlikeable dur-durs, thereby removing the only possible remaining interest for the audience. In the original, Harry and Lloyd were funny - braindead, for sure, but funny. You wanted to see them succeed in their wholly unattainable goals; here, you're waiting for something bad to happen just to get them off the screen for a few precious minutes.

The only positive thing about this movie - and it's a very small positive, nowhere near enough to actually go see it - is Eugene Levy as the school's scheming headmaster. Eugene is one of the funniest actors in America at the moment and it's sad to see him in drivel like this. Were it not for his presence, I'd definitely have walked out the cinema mid-movie.

Avoid this, it's the worst movie of the year. * / *****