darkgodmobutu

Good lord, how could this movie be this bad? It has everything going for it -- a top-notch ensemble cast at the top of their games, a somewhat interesting premise, and a great first twenty minutes. But then everything starts to go down hill, really fast. The story starts to mimic every other suburbanite neo-noir murder-mystery ever made.

One of the film's many problems was how the characters were under written, by the time the "surprise" twist hits you at the end of the film, do you really care? There was not one character that was even REMOTELY interesting throughout the entire film -- with the exception of Kevin Bacon's mildly amusing cameo. Steve Martin was dull. Laura Dern was too over-the-top. Helena Bonham Carter wasn't weird enough. Scott Caan over acted too much. Elias Koteas was under used. Like aforementioned -- Kevin Bacon was the only remotely funny player in this train wreck.

I went into this film wanting to like it. I expected to see a totally messed up and twisted dark comedy in the vein of Peter Berg's "Very Bad Things" or Danny DeVito's under appreciated "Death to Smoochy". What I got was an under written, poorly performed C-Movie that should have debuted on Cinemax and starred Don "The Dragon" Wilson or Andrew Stevens.

The film's other main failure was that it was neither funny nor shocking. I couldn't decide if this was supposed to be a black comedy or a neo-noir thriller. I was disappointed when it wasn't either. There was nothing remotely shocking or disturbing in this film, and the surprise twists are lame.

I wanted to smack the director so many times. His constant use of X-Ray wipes and bizarre dental-related dissolves really got on my nerves as the movie progressed. It was neither clever, nor artistic, but annoying. It's because of the aforementioned "artistic style" that poseur film buffs will rant and rave about how this movie is so avant garde and therefore brilliant.

So, would I recommend this movie -- no. If you're looking for a good Steve Martin flick, rent The Jerk or Bowfinger, do yourself a favor and stay away from this wretched pile of trash.

Out of a possible **** stars, I have to give this one a *

I, for one, enjoy this show. It's not the greatest show ever, nor is it the most original, but it makes for good late-night entertainment. I'm constantly blown away by the somewhat big names they can get. Thus far (4 episodes in) the best one is the one with Brian Dennehy and Cary Elwes about the weekend killer. Sure, the stories are trite and the surprises are predictable five minutes in, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The only problem I have with this show is Henry Rollins' grim and somber Rod Serling-esque intros and outros. Henry Rollins is too talented and/or cool to be that dull and boring. He should really liven up, it would add a whole new dimension to this show. This show is definitely worth watching. But you should probably watch it soon before Fox inevitably yanks it from its lineup and replaces it with more Malcolm In The Middle reruns.

Upon leaving the plush, air-conditioned stadium seating of my local megaplex, I was left with many emotions running through my brain, ranging from...disappointment to bewilderment...excitement to ennui...comfort to white-hot bladder-busting pain. I left the theatre torn, did I love this movie, or did I loathe it? Was it the greatest piece of film in the past year, or was it the worst story ever put to celluloid. In hindsight, I'd have to say that it falls somewhere between the two. It is neither great nor terrible. It's place is somewhere in the gray zone, along with most of Bruckheimer and Bay's films.

So, where to begin? The story itself wasn't very solid, but then again I didn't plop down my five bucks to see a story, I wanted to see what every red-blooded American did...non-stop action and carnage courtesy of Disney's generous $145 million budget. The action scenes were everything I'd hoped for and more. You're not going to see much better elsewhere. I loved everything about the attack, especially the intense, edge-of-your-seat moments leading up to the attack. The raid on Tokyo was also very well-done and very intense, but not as nerve-wracking as the attack on Pearl Harbor itself. Getting back to the story, let's see, it's your typical cliched love triangle between two best friends and the woman of their dreams...boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy goes off to war, boy shot down, presumed dead, boy's best friend breaks sad news to girl, boy's best friend and girl fall for one another, boy comes back, heartbroken. The story borrows heavily from every war movie that preceeded it, but in all fairness which war movie doesn't? The only cliche that really bugged me was the "I'm not gonna make it, am I Sarge?" scene in the end. That scene right there was almost enough to make me forget about the awesome attack scene.

This film is not without its merits. It supports some top-notch acting. The entire cast is nearly perfect, delivering believable characters. Ben Affleck has never been better (okay, maybe he has, but so what!)...Josh Hartnett really shines in this one, maybe this will be the one to finally make him (which is long overdue, don't believe me, check out "The Virgin Suicides")...Kate Beckinsale was superb (and extremely hot!)...Cuba Gooding Jr. was alright, he overacted a little bit too much for my taste...Jon Voight's portrayal of FDR was brilliant...Alec Baldwin really outdid himself...Ewen Bremner (Spud from "Trainspotting) surprised the hell out of me with his authentic American accent...Tom Sizemore was great as always...Dan Akroyd was criminally underused...the list goes on and on. Kudos to whomever cast this film, they really did a great job and found some truly brilliant and unappreciated talent.

This film is poised to become the next big thing. It may even go so far as to break Titanic's record. This film is so big that it will either make or break every one involved. Sadly, if this film bombs, we will be forced to watch several brilliant actor's careers go down the drain and the fall of the Bruckheimer empire. If this film succeeds, we will see Hollywood continue to wallow in its own excess, watch in horror as budgets go into the hundreds of millions, as ticket prices raise higher and higher, and the continuation of the Bruckheimer empire. Either way, after this film, Hollywood as we know it, will be forever changed...for better or worse.

I give this one 5 1/2 out of a possible 10.